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Coverage

Mitchell’s WWE Monday Night Raw Report! (12/25/17)

Published

5 years ago

on

All images courtesy of the WWE’s official Twitter

 

OFFICIAL RESULTS

  • John Cena VS Elias; Cena wins.
  • THE Brian Kendrick w/ Jack Gallagher VS Hideo Itami; Itami wins.
  • Six Woman Tag: Absolution VS Bayley, Sasha Banks & Mickie James; Absolution wins.
  • Kane VS Heath Slater w/ Rhyno; Kane wins.
  • Curt Hawkins VS Finn Balor; Finn wins.
  • Six Man Tag Miracle on 34th Street Fight: The ‘Zo Train VS Cedric Alexander, Mustafa Ali & Akira Tozawa; Alexander, Ali & Tozawa win.
  • WWE Intercontinental Championship: Roman Reigns VS Samoa Joe; Joe wins by disqualification, Reigns retains.
  • 2v1 Handicap Match: The Miztourage VS Braun Strowman; Strowman wins.
  • WWE Raw Tag Team Championships: The Bar VS Seth Rollins & Jason Jordan; Rollins & Jordan win and become the new Raw Tag Team Champions.

PLAY BY PLAY

JOHN CENA is in Chicago!

He enjoys the “Christmas carol” only the WWE Universe can give him as he heads to the ring. And he realizes something is wrong with this picture, so he heads back out of the ring. A fan is wearing the wrong shirt and hat, so Cena gives them his as a present.

“And on that note, Merry Christmas, Chicago!” The fans echo that sentiment by chanting “Merry Christmas!” The first broadcast on Christmas, the first time that chant has been said. Cena loves the holidays because they’re about togetherness. He always lets everyone know the WWE is his home, and the fans are his family. They’ve had ups and downs, but he still gives a cheer to everyone being together. Cena wanted to be right here, right now to- Wait, The Drifter interrupts.

“Hello, I am Elias.” He plays his guitar all the way down to the ring, then asks John Cena if he even knows what “WWE” stands for. It’s “Walk With Elias.” Elias therefore asks Chicago, “Who wants to walk with Elias?!” Some fans do, actually. Cena figures he might as well. That’s a smart decision, because for months, Elias has been interrupted and has had enough. Elias decided to interrupt someone else for once–pausing for the Chicago fans chanting “CM Punk!” and then saying that’s one man who definitely isn’t interrupting him–but Cena says it’s all good. Have some fun over the holidays. The fans continue their chant. Elias doesn’t care how much they chant, he’ll still perform. Cena asks that if Elias is performing- No, Elias doesn’t want to hear him out. He even puts a finger on Cena’s lips to shush him. Cena fetches Elias his stool, and lets him begin, spotlight and all. “Right now I need everyone to silence their cellphones, hold their applause and shut their mouths”, for Elias’ Christmas song. Fans still chant “CM Punk!” Elias blames Cena. “Well it’s Christmas time, Chicago. This is Christmas, today. I couldn’t imagine a worse place to spend my holiday~.” No, no! Cena stops Elias and this concert. Cena was giving Elias a chance, but Elias went and insulted Chicago. This isn’t a bad place, just look at all the people! Look at how excited they all are! Elias plays okay, but he always insults the audience! Elias speaks the truth. No you don’t. The fans aren’t jerks, Elias is the jerk.

The Drifter never saw it that way. And, it is Christmas. Maybe Cena’s right, maybe Elias is a jerk. Elias would like a second chance from Chicago. Chicago doesn’t seem willing to give that second chance. But, it is Christmas, so Cena is willing to. Elias starts again, “Well it’s Christmas time, Chicago. This is Christmas day. I can’t imagine a better place to spend my holiday~!” Cena, join in. “Have yourself, a merry little–” Sucker punch from Elias! “I don’t play for you, I don’t play for you, Christmas is overrated and so is Chicago.” Elias takes his mic out, but then gets an idea. He goes after Cena again! Elias stomps Cena out, then takes Cena’s mic and says he’s giving himself a gift: challenging Cena to a match to start off Raw!

John Cena VS Elias!

Christmas Raw is already off to a raucous start, the match is made official, Elias goes at Cena at the bell. He rains down rights and then stomps away, big elbow drop as well. Elias puts Cena in a corner for body shots and trash talk, then a right hand decks the 16 time world champion again. Fans duel with chants while Cena fights back. He whips Elias, hip toss and takeover, Cena gains control. Elias gets up, stomps on Cena’s foot before knocking him down with a right forearm. Cena gets to the apron, Elias goes out to drag him out and ram him against the apron edge. Elias then backs up, takes aim, and rams a knee right into Cena’s head. Cena tumbles down to the floor, Elias stalks him then brings him up by his jaw. Elias chops Cena against the barrier then puts him in the ring, cover, TWO. Elias keeps focus, he scoops and slams Cena at the ropes. Another cover, TWO. The fans are still rowdy, but some get on Elias’ side as he throws Cena again. Cover, TWO, Elias keeps his cool. Fans want “One more time!” so Elias rocks Cena with a forearm before placing Cena in the Tree of Woe. Elias stomps Cena in the ribs, fans duel with “Let’s go Cena!” “CM Punk!” while Elias climbs up and drags Cena up, draping double stomps!

TWO, and now Elias is getting frustrated. He puts Cena in an armlock, fans rally and Cena gets up. Cena fights back, whips Elias corner to corner, but Elias boots him down. Elias scoops Cena and puts him back in the Tree of Woe, for more shots to the ribs. Elias climbs up again, Cena resists, Cena dodges the stomps. Cena clotheslines Elias down, but falls down himself. The two recover as the fans rally, they get to their feet and brawl. Back and forth between Cena and Elias, Elias ducks to give a spin-out backbreaker to Cena, cover, TWO! Cena and Elias stir, but Elias is first to stand up. Elias decks Cena with another right, then trash talks as Cena climbs back up. Cena falls to another right hand, but he keeps moving. Elias gives Cena more strikes in a corner, stomping a mudhole into Cena. Elias climbs up top again, and brings Cena up with him. Cena resists Elias’ plan to then get the fireman’s carry. Elias gets the electric chair position, spin around for the sit-out powerbomb! TWO! Cena rolls out of the ring while Elias is frustrated in the center of the ring. The referee counts and Elias is willing to wait. The count reaches 8 when Cena gets in, Elias covers, TWO. Elias puts Cena in a chinlock to grind Cena down, even rolling Cena to add weight and pressure on him. Cena endures and wills himself to his feet. He powers his way out of Elias’ grip, Elias kicks low but Cena gets moving. Cena rallies with his signature shoulder tackles. Elias bails out, knowing what comes next, so Cena fetches him back into the ring, only for Elias to run him over with a lariat! Cover, TWO! Elias grabs Cena, backbreaker, TWO. Frustration grows as Elias looms over Cena. Cena stands up, Elias gives him another backbreaker, TWO. Elias toys with Cena now, then lifts him for another backbreaker, but Cena reverses into the STF! He reaches, endures, so Cena drags him away from ropes! Elias shoves Cena away, then strikes with a knee, knocking Cena down. Cena rolls out before Elias can cover, then climbs back up. Elias goes after Cena while the fans duel again, throwing right hand after right hand. Cena shoulders in, slingshots over, and rolls Elias into the STF! Elias endures, reaches for ropes, drags himself over, and gets the ropebreak. Cena lets go, brings Elias up for a whip, Elias reverses, and hits Cross Rhodes! TWO! Elias reaches a boiling point, as he is running out of ideas. He drops a big elbow on Cena just because, then searches for another idea. He gives another elbow, then stands over Cena to boast already. Cena gets him in a sunset flip, TWO, they get moving, Cena gets rallying. Spin-out bomb, and we know what that means: “You can’t see me!”

Five-Knuckle Shuffle! Then the fireman’s carry, the Attitude Adjustment! Cena wins on Christmas!

 

Raw takes a look at Samoa Joe’s path of destruction.

Since showing up on the main roster, he has been unimpressed by those he has targeted. From “that silly bastard, Jason Jordan”, to the “your so-called Architect, Seth Rollins”, to the “human cockroack, Dean Ambrose”, Samoa Joe shows no mercy and no respect. He kept The Shield from regaining the Raw Tag Team Championships, and even injured The Lunatic Fringe’s elbow. Most of all, Joe is not impressed with “a man who I have put to sleep time after time”, The Big Dog, Roman Reigns. Joe has put them out, and “there is nothing you can do about it.” Will The Destroyer’s worlds hold true in 2018?

 

Kurt Angle puts the finishing touches on his Christmas tree.

His Gold-Blooded Son visits him, as does Seth Rollins. Rollins cuts to the chase, he wants after Samoa Joe tonight, after what happened to Dean Ambrose. Jason Jordan feels bad for Ambrose, but he’s been patiently waiting for his shot at Joe. Patiently? Jordan has been anything but patient. Angle reminds them it is Christmas. They both want Joe, but The Bar interferes. To get at Joe, take care of Sheamus & Cesaro first. Is Angle really suggesting Rollins & Jordan team up? No, not after last week. Jordan wasn’t the one who got his head kicked in and pinned in that match. Besides, Jordan already did tag teams, he was hoping to focus on his singles career. He doesn’t want to be going backwards. How is teaming with Seth Rollins going backwards? Angle loves the intensity, and knows that when they find a way to work together, they’ll be unstoppable. And figure it out soon, because that match is happening, tonight on Christmas, for the Raw Tag Team Championships. Jordan and Rollins accept this Christmas present, can they pull it together to get revenge and gold? Oh, and look who has returned: Roman Reigns! Samoa Joe is all yours, Big Dog. And by the way, it is for the championship. Roman wouldn’t have it any other way.

 

THE Brian Kendrick w/ Jack Gallagher VS Hideo Itami!

The Man with a Plan and his Ungentlemanly Ally wish to “welcome” the newest member to the Cruiserweight Division, but all this “excitement” surrounding the man “who strikes his opponent so hard, they feel it for weeks” sounds too good to be true. Can the former Cruiserweight Champion show Itami is “just a passing fad”?

The bell rings, Itami and Kendrick circle and tie up. Kendrick clubs away on Itami but Itami merely fires up from those strikes. Itami fires forearms of his own, then a European Uppercut, Itami whips and runs Kendrick down with a kitchen sink knee. He keeps up the attack by kicking Kendrick in the back over and over, then drags him up for a scoop slam and another kick. “Respect me!” Itami shouts. Gallagher distracts him on the apron, Kendrick attacks with a calf kick! Cover, TWO, Kendrick clubs away on Itami with crossface punches. Kendrick lets up to bring Itami up for chops, then a corner to corner whip. Itami hits buckles, Kendrick grinds his shoe into Itami’s face. Kendrick brings Itami up, butterfly suplex, cover, TWO. Kendrick keeps Itami grounded with a headlock that he shifts into a straitjacket stretch. Itami endures, fights his way out, but Kendrick uses a cravat to drive Itami’s face into a buckle. Kendrick runs at Itami, Itami boots him away, then again. Itami hops up, tornado hotshot! Then, Itami climbs up for the flying clothesline! Fans like that, and Itami rallies on Kendrick with clotheslines and kicks. Fisherman Suplex throws Kendrick, fans fire up with Itami as he brings Kendrick up again, Itami gives strike after strike, then corner to corner for a skateboard dropkick!

The knee pad comes down, Itami calls for the finish. He brings Kendrick up into the fireman’s carry, Go To Sleep! Itami wins on Christmas! Itami wants respect, will he beat it out of the other Cruiserweights?

 

Raw looks back on Stephanie McMahon’s historic announcement.

The Raw Commissioner is proud of the Women’s Revolution in the WWE and how it has grown over the last three years. From changing Divas back into Women Wrestlers and Superstasr, to the first Women’s Hell in a Cell, first Miss Money in the Bank Ladder Match and even the first women’s wrestling match ever in Abu Dhabi, the women of the WWE put the “evolution” in revolution. “But that’s not enough!” January 28th, the Road to Wrestlemania starts with not just the Royal Rumble, but a Women’s Royal Rumble! No one can believe it, but everyone is excited for it. Who will be the winner of the inaugural Women’s Royal Rumble and stamp their name on the Wrestlemania match card?

 

Bayley, Sasha Banks & Mickie James encounter The Miztourage backstage.

“Merry Mizmas, ladies.” Everyone is sad that Miz is gone, making a movie, so Bo Dallas & Curt Axel took it upon themselves to spread some “Mizmas Cheer”! With caroling! “Joy~ to the world~, Miz is Awesome! Let Miz step in his ring! We miss the Miz a lot~, we hope he returns soon~! Bo Dallas & Axel sing~, Bo Dallas & Axel sing~, Bo DALLAS, Bo Dallas~ & Curt Axel sing~…!” Speechless. The ladies leave to prepare for their match, will this be a truly Merry Mizmas?

 

Six Woman Tag: Absolution VS Bayley, Sasha Banks & Mickie James!

Christmas, Mizmas or whatever, the women of Raw still want to establish strength and momentum within the Division as well as on the road to the first ever Women’s Royal Rumble match.

The bell rings, and it is The Boss and The Glampire starting for their teams. Paige plays with Sasha as she dodges her and mocks her team. Paige tries again, but Sasha catches her by her hair, Paige forearms Sasha in the jaw then tags out to the Golden Mandy Rose. Mandy swings, Sasha gets a waistlock, roll up, TWO. Sasha keeps moving, speeds things up, but Mandy poses too much so Sasha dropkicks her down. Sasha mocks the posing, then knocks Mandy down again. She brings Mandy up for an arm wrench, then tags in the veteran, Mickie James. Mickie goes up, ax handle onto Mandy’s arm. Mickie rams shoulders into Mandy, brings her down, leg drop on the arm and a cover, TWO. Fans sing to Bayley while Mickie wrenches Mandy’s arm again, Mandy drives in a knee. Mandy runs, misses Mickie, Mickie gets her with kicks and a running forearm. Cover, TWO, so Mickie tags Bayley. The Huggable One follows Mickie’s lead, running low boot to sliding lariat, cover, TWO. Bayley keeps on Mandy but Mandy rocks her with a right. Mandy tags in Sonya Deville, who puts Bayley in a waistlock, then throws Bayley to the mat. Sonya throws Bayley some more, then kicks her around toyingly. Bayley catches one of those kicks and powers Sonya to her corner, tag to Sasha. The best friends double suplex Sonya over, ONE, Sasha runs for a double knee drop. ONE again, Sasha grabs Sonya’s foot just as Sonya gets the ropebreak. The referee backs Sasha down, Mandy tries a sneak attack while Sasha is distracted but fails. Sasha goes out to pursue Sonya, Sonya decks her with a clobbering right clothesline!

Sonya enjoys her handiwork from within the ring, Bayley and Mickie try to coach Sasha into the match while the ref counts. Sasha beats the count but Sonya is right on her again. Tag to Paige, Sonya holds Sasha in place for Paige’s corner Shining Wizard. Paige adds a mudhole stomp onto Sasha, then she roars at Bayley and Mickie. Tag to Mandy, she lifts Sasha up for forearms. Mandy embraces the heat before choking Sasha on the ropes. She wrings Sasha’s arm then puts Sasha in a modified stretch, fans and teammates rally for The Boss. Sasha rolls it to a pin, TWO, Mandy keeps Sasha back by mere inches. Mandy drags Sasha back towards Absolution territory then drops an elbow, cover, TWO! Tag to Sonya, she and Mandy mug Sasha. Fans cheer Sasha on even as she takes a sliding knee, cover, TWO. Sonya puts Sasha in a bodyscissors. Sasha endures the squeeze and the occasional chinlock, fans and teammates rally for her. She gets up with Sonya on her back and powers her to a neutral corner, only for Sonya to yank her down by her hair. Tag to Paige, Absolution has Sasha isolated as Paige stands on Sasha’s hair and pulls on her arms. Paige pretends she didn’t see the hair, then shifts to a chinlock. Fans rally again, Paige mocks it as she thrashes Sasha around. Even so, Sasha stands up and fights back, but Paige runs her over with a lariat. Cover, TWO, Paige drags Sasha over to tag Mandy. Mandy takes the hand-off, she whips Sasha and hits a big knee strike! Cover, TWO, Mandy is frustrated. She keeps on Sasha, returning to that modified stretch. Fans keep up the rallying, Sasha pries her way out, and arm-drags Mandy away. Sasha runs for her corner but Mandy intercepts to then throw Sasha away. Mandy knocks Mickie down with a cheap shot, and while the referee keeps Bayley and Mickie back, Mandy goes back to Sasha. Mandy goes to throw Sasha into Absolution’s corner, but Sasha reverses to throw Mandy into Paige! They tumble down, Sonya checks on them, Sasha crawls her way over to tag in Bayley! Bayley rallies on Paige, jumping takedown to hammering fists. Saido suplex then shoulders in a corner, Bayley is fired up. Wacky waving elbow misses, but Bayley knocks Sonya off the apron. Paige scurries to her corner and bumps Bayley off buckles, but runs into the Bayley2Belly! Cover, but Absolution saves its leader by dragging her out of the ring. Bayley pursues, her team comes over, it is a chaotic brawl!

Mandy and Sonya go into the barrier, Bayley gives Paige a hotshot. Bayley climbs up top, fans fire up, but Paige kicks out her legs. Paige drags Bayley over, RamPaige! Absolution wins on Christmas! If they continue to use numbers so perfectly, can Absolution ensure one of their members is the first Women’s Rumble winner?

 

Backstage interview with Samoa Joe.

The Destroyer showed no remorse when he damaged Dean Ambrose’s arm, an injury which sidelines Ambrose for roughly nine months. And he admits to it here tonight. Ambrose can now be home with those he loves enjoying the holidays. And now, Joe gets his Intercontinental Championship opportunity, which he will take full advantage of. Joe has “systematically” going after the Shield. Ambrose is on the shelf, Roman wants vengeance, but he won’t get it. Joe will “own” Roman and put him to sleep so that he will wake up to a nightmare reality where Joe will be the new Intercontinental Champion.

 

Kane VS Heath Slater w/ Rhyno!

The Big Red Machine is one third of a truly monstrous Universal Championship Triple Threat match at the Royal Rumble, as there was no clear choice between him and the Monster Among Men. As for Christmas night, he looks to bring hellfire and brimstone to the One Man Band who right now, is just hoping to make it home to see his kids. In order to keep Slater on Raw, Rhyno plans to toughen him up, but isn’t this a little too much for step one?

The bell rings, Slater and Kane tie up. Kane shoves Slater to a corner but Slater elbows out and slips away. Rhyno wants Slater to bring the fight to Kane, but that’s easier said than done. Kane brings the fight to Slater instead with heavy shots in another corner. Fans chant to remind Kane, “Heath’s got kids!” Kane doesn’t care, he squashes Slater in a corner with a big clothesline. Then he flattens Slater with a sidewalk slam.

Kane kicks Slater out of the ring, literally, but Rhyno has faith in Slater. Slater doesn’t really have the same level of confidence, but he tries again. He gets in the ring, Slater shoves him right back out! Rhyno coaches Slater back up and in, Slater still doubts himself. The fans cheer for Slater and his kids, Rhyno fires Slater up, Kane drags Slater up but Slater hotshots him away! Slater throws wild hands, Kane shoves him, Slater hits a big knee. Kane stays up, and uppercuts Slater down. Then he finishes it, with a Choke Slam! Kane wins, and Rhyno may have to rethink his toughening-up strategy. However, Rhyno forgets about his own safety, Kane returns to grab him around the throat! Rhyno fights back with haymakers and a whip for a big shoulder into a corner. Fans chant “E C Dub!” for the Manbeast, Rhyno takes aim and… No Gore, just another CHOKE SLAM!

Kane ruined Christmas for the Slater family, but can he make his own New Year’s bright with a win over both Beast and Braun?

 

Curt Hawkins is on Raw!

Normally, Hawkins would be telling the WWE Universe to #FacttheFacts, but considering his 146 loss streak, he needs to face facts. He’ll be the first to admit that 2017 has been rather unkind to him, “but~” 2017 isn’t over yet! Hawkins feels a Christmas Miracle in Chicago, and grants an open challenge! Come down the chimney, step into the room, and take the two lumps of coal Hawkins has waiting for you, to finally break Hawkins’ losing streak. And who answers the challenge? Why, it’s the Extraordinary Man!

Curt Hawkins VS Finn Balor!

The inaugural Universal Champion probably wasn’t on Hawkins’ wishlist but he’s here to get himself some Christmas cheer in Chicago.

The bell rings, Hawkins takes the fight to Finn! Hawkins is determined to end his streak as he whips Finn corner to corner, but Finn boots back and rallies on Hawkins, “Too Sweet” running chop in the corner. Finn whips Hawkins corner to corner but Hawkins rolls Finn, TWO! Hawkins keeps moving, tries another roll up, TWO. Hawkins kicks out Finn’s leg, then Mahistrol, TWO. He is frustrated, Finn trips him and stomps on him! The fans fire up for Finn as he hits a Slingblade, then blasts Hawkins with a dropkick. Hawkins is down in position, Finn climbs up top, Coup de Grace! Finn wins, Hawkins now stands at 147 losses in a row. Can Finn find his way back to gold? Will Hawkins ever win again?

 

The Miztourage finds Goldust backstage.

Looks like someone needs some #MizmasCheer! They can guess what he wants: a carol! “You’re~ career has lost some speed~, falalala la, lala la la. But~ we know just what you need~, falalala la, lala la la. This will help improve your luster, falala, lalala, la la la. Here’s a Miz Christmas heart-buster, falalala la, lala la la! Fala lala la~, lala, la~, LAAA~!” Again, speechless. Santa’s Little Helper, starring The Miz (and Paige). Merry Mizmas! Titus Worldwide walks through, Goldust passes the DVD off on them.

 

Bray Wyatt speaks on Christmas.

“She always hated this time of year.” Sister Abigail hated the idea of superficial presents and pagan rituals could bring joy and happiness. Abigail loathed it because it reminded her of someone like Matt Hardy. “Your words only perpetuate this sickness.” He gives the people something to believe in, and they think they’re fighting side by side with him. In reality, Hardy is only using them for his own personal gain. Look around you, “Woken Warriors”. What do you see? The darkness! Bray’s Fireflies! And her. “Chicago, I’m here.”

Bray Wyatt heads to the ring.

And is attacked by WOKEN Matt Hardy! Hardy throws hands and elbows at Bray as the fans go wild with “DELETE!” chants. Bray shoves Hardy away, Hardy dodges the punch, but Bray narrowly escapes the Twist of Fate. Bray is furious but Hardy is delighted. Hardy points to Bray, and with the fans echoing him, declares to “DELETE!”

“Yeeee-e-e-s~!” Hardy laughs at Bray as the Eater of Worlds paces on the stage, when will he finally DELETE him?!

 

The Bar complains about defending their Raw Tag Team Championships.

For starters, they’re having to do it on Christmas! Cesaro thought Angle might be more reasonable and appreciative of them. Sheamus assures Cesaro he does appreciate the Swiss Cyborg. Which is why he got Cesaro a present! Open the card first. “May we always raise a glass to Christmas and to our Friendship. We don’t just set the bar, we ARE The Bar!” Now open the gift itself. Cesaro does, and inside… is a Dean Ambrose action figure, with a missing arm! A super-rare and brand new release. Cesaro has something for Sheamus, too! Sheamus opens the box, and inside… A Seth Rollins! Sheamus can’t wait to break this one and the real Rollins tonight. But there’s more. There is? It’s… a Jason Jordan? Sheamus doesn’t want a Jason Jordan. Well neither does Rollins, but he’s his tag team partner. And Angle doesn’t want him as his son, either! The Bar shares a laugh and a hug, will they still be sharing those tag team championships by the end of the night?

 

Six Man Tag Miracle on 34th Street Fight: The ‘Zo Train VS Cedric Alexander, Mustafa Ali & Akira Tozawa!

The Certified G is now a Bonafide Santa Claus, and he has his elves, Drew “Sugarplum” Gulak and “Feliz NaviDaivari”, in tow as he spreads Christmas joy to their opponents. The Carolina Kid has nothing but coal, not to be confused with Michael Cole. Alexander wished for but didn’t get the Cruiserweight Championship, but in the Christmas spirit, it is time for a Very Merry beatdown!

Ariya Daivari starts against Cedric Alexander, and as they circle, Enzo distracts Alexander with trash talk. Daivari pounces, throwing his jingle-bell elf hat at Alexander before punching away in a corner. Daivari whips ALexander corner to corner but Alexander goes up and over to handspring headscissor Daivari out. Gulak rushes in but gets a dropkick that sends him out, then Enzo is scared away. The Stamina Monster Tozawa comes in and starts up the “AH! AH!” chants, before building speed to launch the Tozawa Torpedo at Daivari while Pakistani Prince Ali jumps on Gulak from the top rope! The synchronized attacks take out The ‘Zo Train and we go to break.

Raw returns, The ‘Zo Train has since taken control, Gulak throwing presents into the ring while Daivari keeps Tozawa on the defensive. Daivari scoop slams Tozawa right onto a gift box, covers, TWO. Daivari tags Enzo, Enzo sets up a tree in a corner to whip Tozawa right into it, ornaments and all. Cover, TWO, Enzo keeps on Tozawa with a chinlock. Alexander and Ali get the fans rallying with “AH! AH!” but Enzo yanks Tozawa back to the mat. Enzo prepares the pitch, and gives the fastball to Alexander!

But that allows Tozawa to get up and hit Enzo with a spinning roundhouse! Enzo and Tozawa crawl for their corners, hot tags to Ali and Daivari! Hometown boy Ali rallies on The ‘Zo Train, whip reversed but Ali flapjack dropkicks Daivari down. He whips Daivari again but is reversed, Ali slips out to the apron to roundhouse Daivari down. Ali takes aim, rolls, facebuster! He puts Daivari in position, climbs up top, 0-5-4!! Gulak breaks the pin with the cookie sheet, Tozawa comes in to SMACK Gulak with the other cookie sheet! Gulak goes out, Enzo returns, but so does Alexander. Ali and Daivari crawl, hot tag to Alexander while Enzo fetches a candy kendo stick! Enzo hesitates, Alexander blocks and takes the stick for his own. Enzo begs for mercy, but Alexander sees Gulak coming! Alexander dodges and sends the elf into Santa Amore! Then SMACK with the kendo stick! Another SMACK sends Gulak out, but Daivari returns for the roll-up, TWO! Lumbar Check! Alexander and team win on Christmas! Can the #1 Contender carry this momentum into the New Year when he faces Enzo Amore for the Cruiserweight Championship?

 

Enzo Amore encounters Nia Jax backstage.

“How you doin’?” Nia’s good, but probably better than Enzo. Merry Christmas. Yes, but a rather rough one. Oh, is that mistletoe overhead?

Everyone knows what that means. The fans anticipate it, but as Enzo comes in, Alexa Bliss interrupts. The Goddess needs to talk to her BFF and the first ever Women’s Rumble! The moment has passed, Nia has to go. Will the Certified G ever catch a break?

 

Backstage interview with Roman Reigns.

The Big Dog heard Joe’s words earlier, and “couldn’t care less.” Roman is the champion, and won’t leave Chicago without the title. This isn’t just for him, this is for Ambrose. Roman is going to send a message: You hurt one of his brothers, he will hurt you.

 

WWE Intercontinental Championship: Roman Reigns VS Samoa Joe!

The Big Dog seeks revenge but the Destroyer promises only pain for this match, who will be the one going home with a golden gift for Christmas?

The bell rings and the two go right at each other! Roman runs Joe over with a clothesline then throws hands to back him down into a corner. Roman keeps up the attack, Joe endures then fires back with his sharp jabs. Joe has Roman in a corner now and gives him a sharp elbow, Roman staggers out to respond with an uppercut.

Roman brings Joe up, Joe jabs again. Roman pushes Joe into ropes, catching him in the throat. Joe lingers on the apron, Roman goes outside to hit the Drive-By Dropkick! Roman gets back inside, the referee checks on Joe, Joe fires back with jabs and chops. Joe staggers while fans duel, “Let’s go, Roman!” “Roman sucks!” Joe bumps Roman off a buckle, then brings him in for a back suplex. Cover, TWO, Joe keeps his cool. Roman climbs to his feet, Joe puts him back in a corner. Joe jabs away again, the referee backs him off a moment, Joe comes back with a headbutt and haymakers. He doesn’t let up, he whips Roman to ropes but Roman ducks. Roman clotheslines Joe down, then gives Joe close-range clotheslines in a corner. The Big Dog hits all ten, then runs to boot Joe down. Fans are thunderous on both sides as Roman goes to a corner. He locks and loads, takes aim, but Joe gets to ropes for safety. Roman storms over, Joe hits back with jabs. Joe jabs away again, the referee backs him off. Joe runs in for the back elbow and Pele! Cover, TWO, Joe starts showing frustration while we go to break.

Raw returns, Joe keeps Roman down. Joe slaps Roman, then slaps again, and then gives a headbutt. Joe runs, into a Samoan Drop! TWO, Roman is shocked. Roman refocuses and stands up before bringing Joe into powerbomb position. Joe is too big and strong, he back drops Roman up and over, but then Roman sunset flip counters, TWO! Joe gives Roman a forearm, Roman responds with an uppercut, Joe gives knee strikes and a snap suplex. Back senton misses! Reload, SUPERMAN PUNCH! TWO! Roman is shocked again, fans are thunderous as both men get to their feet. Roman lets out the battle cry, runs in to Joe’s foot, yurinagi slam! TWO, now Joe is shocked. Joe also grows furious as he stalks Roman to the apron. He brings Roman up while fans duel again, Roman gives Joe a hotshot. Roman gets in while Joe staggers, Joe surprises Roman with a Coquina Clutch! Joe only has the sleeper hold, Roman reaches for ropes, Joe brings Roman down for the full clutch! Roman endures, reaches, fades, Jo goes for a higher bodyscissors to block the reaching arm! Roman pries his arm free, and gets the ropebreak.

Joe has to let go, but he is right on Roman as he shove shim out to DIVE! Roman collides with barriers and clutches his arm. Joe drags Roman up by that bad arm, and swings him into a post. Things return inside the ring, Joe stalks Roman and puts on an armlock to the bad arm. Fans are thunderous again as Roman endures the torture. Roman gets up and headbutts Joe then gives big elbows. Roman backs Joe down, the referee backs Roman down, Roman won’t stop. The referee disqualifies Roman! Joe wins, but Roman retains. Fans dislike the ending, but Roman gives Joe a SUPERMAN PUNCH. The Big Dog won’t leave Joe alone just yet, he goes outside to pursue Joe, FLYING punch off the steel steps. Roman then throws Joe into the post, banging up Joe’s right arm, the same as Joe did to Ambrose. Roman shows no mercy, he throws Joe into another post to further damage that arm. He then takes the steel steps, fans like where this is going. Roman uses the steel steps as a battering ram into Joe’s bad arm!

The referee tries to protect Joe, but the fans chant “One more time!” Roman obliges, and hits Joe with the steps again! This isn’t over yet, Roman grabs a chair! He stalks Joe, and swings, but narrowly misses. The referees stop Roman at this, Joe gets away. Is this war between Big Dog and Destroyer far from over?

 

Seth Rollins likes what he sees from Roman.

That’s when Jason Jordan walks in. Rollins tells JJ if this is some kind of strategy meeting or pep talk, save it. Rollins is only doing this because he’s returning the favor to Angle for TLC, and for getting back at The Bar. They have differences, sure, but Rollins doesn’t care about that. Rollins cares about beating The Bar to become tag team champion, again. Jordan can’t go out there, lose, then brag about how he “hung with the top competition in WWE.” News flash, Jordan: everyone in the WWE is top competition. Follow Rollins– Jordan speaks up, saying that he is genuinely excited to have this match. Jordan doesn’t want anyone to get injured, but Jordan is a pretty good replacement for Ambrose. Rollins makes one thing clear for Jordan: as good as he thinks he is, he will never be Dean Ambrose. Right, he’ll be better. Tensions are still high, can Jordan and Rollins survive Cesaro & Sheamus?

 

The Miztourage is in the ring.

Bo Dallas & Curt Axel thank Chicago for having them, and are “super excited” that they’re getting a “Secret Santa” match! In other words, a mystery opponent. Chicago, join in on a special song! “Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way~! Oh what fun it is to ride in a one–” BRAUN!!

2v1 Handicap Match: The Miztourage VS Braun Strowman!

Bo & Axel are probably wishing they could return this Secret Santa gift Angle just gave them.
The bell rings, Bo goes at the Monster Among men, and barely escapes the scoop slam before being clobbered by a clothesline. Axel wants no part of Strowman, Strowman throws Bo across the ring. Then Strowman makes Axel join the match, and throws him into Bo! Strowman powers Axel to one corner, goes corner to corner to crush Bo, and then give Bo the spiraling powerslam. Strowman wins on Christmas! Oh, and he’s not done, either. Strowman targets Axel, Chicago encourages him, so he gives Axel a powerslam! Chicago wants one more, Bo gets himself a second powerslam, and then Axel gets one, too!

Can the Monster keep up momentum going into a match against Beast and Big Red Machine?

 

Alexa Bliss comes to the ring.

The Goddess and Raw Women’s Champion wishes the WWE Universe a “Merry Blissmas”. She melted the coal from our stockings to instead give us a very special gift: herself. She knows the WWE Universe spends the holiday season “scarfing down cookies” and “listening to boring stories your families tell”. Alexa instead takes this time to reflect: 2017 is the Year of Bliss. She started the year as SmackDown Women’s Champion and will end the year as Raw Women’s Champion, having overcome every obstacle like a Jedi! Side note: she did it without the fans and she’ll still do it without the fans. Alexa shattered the glass ceiling, but the moment of the year was still the Women’s Rumble announcement. Alexa watched it over and over and still gets chills. To all the women in the WWE locker room and all the fans watching around the world, “You’re welcome.”

Every cheer, tear and moment is because of Alexa! “The gift that keeps on giving” vows she’ll watch closely to see who her opponent for Wrestlemania is. But wait, ASUKA appears!

The Empress of Tomorrow, who is still undefeated, walks right into the ring and grabs herself a mic. “I’m entering the Women’s Royal Rumble match. And I will win. Because, nobody is ready for Asuka!” Asuka then stares Alexa down with that sinister grin, fans know “Asuka’s gonna kill~ you!” And she hits Alexa with a lightning fast roundhouse! The Empress has called her shot, who will stop her from making history?

WWE Raw Tag Team Championship: The Bar VS Seth Rollins & Jason Jordan!

The Architect and the Gold-Blooded Son aren’t seeing eye to eye, do they stand a chance against the cohesive unit of Swiss Cyborg and Celtic Gladiator?

Sheamus and Jordan start with the bell, circle and tie up, matching in power. Jordan gets around for a waistlock and slam on Sheamus, rolling him to a pin, ONE. Sheamus powers his way to ropes, and gives a dirty break as he elbows Jordan. The ref backs Sheamus down, Cesaro gets the cheap shot. Sheamus keeps on Jordan, then tags Cesaro, double whip to Bar lariat but Jordan ducks and Rollins tags in. Jordan takes a double hip-toss, but Rollins hits a double crossbody!

Rollins clotheslines Sheamus out then Slingblades Cesaro down. He builds speed and DIVES on both members of The Bar! Rollins helps Jordan to his feet and gives him a pat on the shoulder as we go to break.

Raw returns once more, to find The Bar has regained control. Sheamus has Rollins in a keylock, but fans rally for The Architect. Rollins stands up, Sheamus keeps him back, Sheamus tags Cesaro and they whip Rollins to their corner. Super Saiyan kicks! Cover, TWO, Cesaro keeps Rollins grounded with a float-over into a chinlock. Rollins gets to his feet, Cesaro does his best to keep him back, sleeperhold backpack into a motorcycle stretch. Cesaro whips Rollins to The Bar’s corner, tag to Sheamus and Rollins is isolated again.

Sheamus puts Rollins into the Bodhrain and drums a few times, but stops to troll the fans. Rollins elbows and punches back, bringing Sheamus to his knees. Rollins hurries for his corner but Sheamus anchors a foot, so Rollins uses his free foot to kick at Sheamus. Sheamus still drags Rollins back and tags Cesaro, Cesaro gives a flying leg drop. TWO, but right back to the chinlock. Rollins feeds off the fans’ energy, he and Cesaro reach for tags but Cesaro is the one to get one. Sheamus comes in, double whip and Bar Lariat hits, cover, TWO. Sheamus keeps his cool as he drags Rollins up by his hair. He throws Rollins out of the ring, the referee keeps him from pursuing, so Cesaro gets a cheap shot. Jordan runs in and runs Cesaro over, Sheamus bails Cesaro out, and The Bar throws Jordan into barriers together! Rollins stirs but has no partner to tag, Sheamus grabs him by his nose. He whips Rollins at his corner, Rollins knocks Cesaro down, then spins out of the Irish Curse to hit a DDT! Both men down, no one to tag!

Cesaro returns, Jordan doesn’t. Tag made, corner European Uppercut feed into the Irish Curse, cover, TWO! Cesaro brings Rollins up onto ropes, the referee backs him off, allowing Sheamus to hit the cheap shot knee right to Rollins’ face. Cover, TWO! The Bar is frustrated, but they decide to go up. Tag to Sheamus, double whip and flapjack into EuroUpper! TWO! The Bar tags again, Cesaro runs but Rollins boots out, he fights against them both and then Jordan returns to run Sheamus over! Jordan gets himself to his corner, Cesaro returns while Rollins crawls. The fans rally, Cesaro grabs Rollins’ leg but gets shoved away, hot tags to Jordan and Sheamus! The Gold-Blooded Son rallies on The Bar, and then begins corner-to-corner carries on Sheamus back and forth! Jordan fires up, goes corner to corner for the shoulder tackle, then the overhead suplex!

Cover, TWO, but Jordan keeps focus. He grabs Sheamus again, Cesaro holds onto Sheamus to save him from a suplex, Jordan knocks him down. Sheamus rolls Jordan, TWO, big lariat runs Jordan over. Tag to Cesaro, Cesaro climbs up while Sheamus gives Jordan a backbreaker, Cesaro gives Jordan an elbow drop! TWO, but into the Sharpshooter! Jordan endures the legendary hold, Rollins returns and trips up Sheamus on the apron. Cesaro goes after Rollins and throws him out, small package from Jordan, TWO! Cesaro tackles Jordan and rains rights. Sheamus returns, tags in, then climbs up. Cesaro lifts Jordan, Doomsday Device! Springboard from Rollins, but Cesaro catches him! The referee stops counting while he takes notice of Rollins overwhelming Cesaro with hammer punches. Sheamus helps Cesaro out but Rollins fights The Bar alone. SUPERKICK for Cesaro, BROGUE for Rollins! Back to Jordan, Sheamus puts on the Cloverleaf! Jordan endures this submission now, drags himself to ropes, ropebreak! Sheamus lets go, but he coordinates with Cesaro. Tag, then they bring Jordan up, Rollins anchors Cesaro so only Sheamus gives Jordan the White Noise. Rollins leads Sheamus on a cat ‘n’ mouse game while Cesaro climbs down, Sheamus goes into the steel steps! Cesaro EuroUppers Rollins into the barriers! Cesaro hurries back itno the ring, Jordan hits the back suplex neckbreaker! Jordan & Rollins win! They are the NEW Raw Tag Team Champions!! The Gold-Blooded Son overcame doubters, he and The Architect are champions once more! Can winning truly heal all things?

 

My Thoughts:

The very first ever Christmas Raw was not as good as it could’ve been. It was still good, that’s for sure, but there was still something lacking given the occasion. John Cena returning for the holiday was nice, but his match with Elias left a bit to be desired for a commercial-free first hour in such a demanding city as Chicago. Cena wins because he’s Cena, and Elias did manage to look strong during the match, but they could’ve easily turned up the quality a bit for the sake of Christmas. Then most of what cam next felt like filler. The Six Woman Tag was the third time around for Absolution VS BayleySashaMickie, and once again Absolution comes out on top. Itami dispatches Kendrick in a squash, Kane decimates Slater as a moderate tie-in of Slater’s “toughen up” story, and Finn gets another win that doesn’t really mean anything. Though, I do suddenly want Hawkins to join The Great War as WOKEN Hawkins. If Hardy’s losing streak unlocked his WOKEN side, why can’t Hawkins approaching 150 losses in a row do the same?

Why did they make a No DQ match like a Street Fight into a Six Man Tag? At least, why was it a traditional tag? I would’ve preferred a Tornado Six Man No DQ match because it’s just more logical. The Cruiserweights are still doing well on Raw and next week’s New Year’s Raw will have the title match, but it still puts a lot of pressure on Tuesday’s 205 Live to propel things towards a Gulak-based finish that then leads to Gulak turning. The two championship matches were great, though. Roman retains to up the ante in aggression, which is always welcomed, and BIG surprise in Jordan and Rollins becoming tag champions together. This development might be good for Jordan and The Shield in the long run, as it can give rise to Ambrose turning on Rollins for being “replaced”, and then we get the Ambrose-Rollins match we thought we were getting before they reunited.

My Score: 8/10


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AEW Coverage

Mitchell’s AEW Rampage Results & Report! (3/25/23)

Will Hobbs is on a Rampage!

Published

16 hours ago

on

March 25, 2023

By

The Book of Hobbs adds another chapter!

After seeing his brother, Rey Fenix, being manhandled by the AEW TNT Champion, Penta El Zero Miedo wants after Powerhouse Hobbs! Will there be some miedo in Independence?

OFFICIAL RESULTS

  • AEW TNT Championship: “Powerhouse” Will Hobbs w/ QTV VS Penta El Zero Miedo w/ Alex Abrahantes; Hobbs wins and retains the title.
  • Brody King w/ Julia Hart VS Jake Hager; Brody wins.
  • Taya Valkyrie VS Leila Grey w/ Jade Cargill & Mark Sterling; Taya wins.
  • The Acclaimed w/ Billy Gunn VS The Kingdom; The Acclaimed win.

PLAY BY PLAY

AEW TNT Championship: “Powerhouse” Will Hobbs w/ QTV VS Penta El Zero Miedo w/ Alex Abrahantes!

Rey Fenix could not write an ending to the Book of Hobbs, and QTV had to add insult to injury by mocking him on their little show. But now the other Lucha Brother takes his shot! Will Penta achieve revenge and glory in one go? Or will this chapter look a lot like the previous?

The introductions are made, the belt is raised, and one way or another, Saturday is golden!

The bell rings and Penta steps to Hobbs. Fans rally for “CERO! MIEDO!” and Penta pie faces Hobbs. Hobbs choke grips but Penta CHOPS! Hobbs forearms, Penta CHOPS, repeat! They go back and forth, then just fire off fast ‘n’ furious fists! Penta KICKS and KICKS and KICKS! Hobbs hobbles, Penta says it again, but runs into a BODY CHECK! Hobbs asks where Fenix is, then runs, into a SUPERKICK! Penta LARIATS, runs, and DROPKICKS Hobbs out of the ring! Fans rally up for Penta and he builds speed, and DIVES into a forearm! Hobbs drags Penta out to throw more shots, but the ref reprimands.

Harley Cameron vlogs for QTV again as Hobbs POSTS Penta! Fans chant “QT SUCKS!” while Hobbs refreshes the ring count. Hobbs taunts Penta, drags him up and scoops, to SNAKE EYES off the barriers! Penta sputters up, and Hobbs DECKS him! Hobbs mocks Cero Miedo but the ref reprimands. Hobbs taunts Alex, refreshes the count again, and fans rally up. Hobbs drags Penta up to RAM him into more barriers! “Where’s your brother?! Where’s Fenix?!” Hobbs brings Penta around to put him in the ring, and fans boo as Hobbs drops a big ax handle. Cover, TWO! Hobbs is annoyed but he drags Penta back up.

Fans rally, but Hobbs whips Penta into the corner. Penta SUPERKICKS back! Hobbs blocks a boot to YANK Penta into a BACKBREAKER! Fans boo but Hobbs soaks up the heat. Hobbs drags Penta back up, puts him on ropes to CHOKE him, but lets off as the ref counts. QT creeps up to tie Penta’s mask tot he ropes! Fans boo but Hobbs taunts Penta. Penta swipes but Hobbs stomps away! Hobbs CHOKES Penta, the ref counts and Hobbs lets off, and Alex unties the mask for Penta. Hobbs drags Penta up to suplex, stalls, then SLAMS Penta down! Cover, TWO! Penta is still in this but Hobbs stands over him.

Rampage goes picture in picture as Hobbs soaks up the heat. Hobbs taunts Penta, high-fives his team, then goes back to Penta. Penta kicks from below but Hobbs JABS! And JABS! Hobbs toys with Penta, then DECKS him! Penta sits up to throw hands but Hobbs knees low. Hobbs whips Penta hard into the corner! Penta writhes and Hobbs soaks up the heat again. Hobbs taunts Penta, dares him to get up, and then slaps Penta around. Hobbs gets in Penta’s face as he taunts him, but Penta throws forearms! Hobbs knees low, looms over Penta again, and says he’s still gonna be champ. Hobbs then SLAPS Penta down!

Rampage returns to single picture as the fans rally. Hobbs whips but Penta holds ropes to then KKICK back! Penta runs, ducks ‘n’ dodges to SLINGBLADE! Fans fire up as Penta brings Hobbs up and whips. Hobbs reverses, Penta goes up and over, BACKSTABBER! Hobbs writhes, Penta covers, TWO!! Hobbs survives but Penta fires up! The fans are with Penta as he brings Hobbs back around. Penta hooks up one arm, CLUBS away on Hobbs, but Hobbs powers up and out! Hobbs HEADBUTTS Penta, then scoops him! POWERSLAM! Cover, TWO!! Penta survives and fans rally back up. But Hobbs brings down the straps!

Hobbs drags Penta up, but Penta fights the nelson! Hobbs hits low, HEADBUTTS Penta down, then drags Penta around. Hobbs torture racks, but Penta slips out of Town Business to ENZIGURI! And SUPERKICK! “CERO! MIEDO!” SUPERKICK!! Hobbs goes flying out of the ring! Penta builds speed and FLIES! Direct hit at the ramp and Independence is thunderous! Penta fires up but Hobbs shoves him away. Penta stops himself, then baits Hobbs into the steel steps! Fans fire up as Penta goes up the corner! DIVING DOUBLE STOMPS on the apron!! But Penta isn’t done, he goes up the other corner!

“CERO! MIEDO!” DIVING DOUBLE STOMPS in the ring! Cover, TWO!!! Hobbs survives and QT can breathe again! Penta drags Hobbs up but QT has a chair! Alex snatches it! QT chases Alex, but Solo jumps in! Into a SUPERKICK! Penta drags Solo up, tucks him in, FEAR FACTOR!! But Hobbs CLOBBERS Penta with the TNT title!! Fans boo as Hobbs torture racks, to hit TOWN BUSINESS!! Cover, Hobbs wins!

Winner: “Powerhouse” Hobbs, by pinfall (still AEW TNT Champion)

QTV continues to help Hobbs stay on top, and again Alex is in harm’s way! But here comes Fenix! And he has a ring bell hammer!! Hobbs and QT back off, but the chapter has been written. Will anyone be able to stop Hobbs?

 

BREAKING NEWS for Dynamite!

While Kenny Omega is worried about the Young Bucks’ health, and unsure if he can trust Hangman Page, he has a challenge coming for him that dates back to January! Omega told Jeff Cobb that if he wants the IWGP United States Heavyweight Championship, “do me a favor: don’t do it for Will; don’t do it for The United Empire; do it for the reason that I do it; do it to prove that you are the best. Do it to prove that you follow no one. Jeff Cobb, you want a piece of this? Come find me in America.”

Cobb’s response? “Kenny Omega, you have been dodging me and dodging me and dodging me! And it stops! The last and final warning is not even a warning. I am telling you first hand, I am coming to St. Louis.” The Imperial Unit is a dominant force, and he is going to face Omega next week on Dynamite! Will Cobb take Omega on a Tour of the Island to bring this title back to NJPW? Or will the Best Bout Machine continue to reestablish himself in singles competition?

 

Ricky Starks is here!

The Absolute said on Dynamite that he’d show up tonight, daring Juice Robinson to do the same. Starks goes right to the ring, gets a mic as the fans chant his name, and says, “I’ll be honest with y’all, I’m not really in the mood for anymore talking. I feel like I’ve done enough of that the past few weeks. Juice Robinson, get your ass out here! I know I said I wanted a challenge, and I’m dressed for the part! So let’s do it! Bring your ass on out here!” Starks throws down the mic and waits, and here comes The Booster!

Robinson has his own mic and tells, “Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, are you calling me out? Are you calling out Rock Hard Juice Robinson right here, right now in Kansas City?! Well if it’s an ass beating you want, say no more. Ask, and you shall receive, sweet boy. It’s an ass kicking you’re gonna get!” Robinson storms down to the ring, but then pulls up short with a big grin. But Starks goes out after him! Starks rips the shirt off of Juice and throws him into the ring! Juice bails out and says “NO NO NO NO NO!” Juice goes out to the crowd and says Starks isn’t getting that here in Kansas City or Independence or wherever this is!

Starks isn’t even getting his ass kicked in St. Louis next week, either! Cuz Juice HATES Missouri! Fans boo but Juice says if you wanna fight Rock hard, you do it when the lights are on bright! “In a city where they still have respect!” If Starks wants it, it’ll be Starks VS Juice in NEW YORK! AEW will return to Long Island soon, will that be an absolute battle?

 

Team Triple J speaks.

Jay Lethal says, “You are looking at the hardest working men in AEW history. And we prove it week after week as we swim like damn fish upstream just to get a tiny little bit, just to get a tiny little morsel of respect from the AEW roster in the back, and the delusional AEW fans. And for what? Because every time we start to make some strides around here, from around some corner, from under some rock, some damn AEW official shows up to rain on our parade.” Take the beginning of this year, Triple J pinned the shoulders of The Acclaimed “clean” to win the AEW World Tag Team Championships! And then from some corner, Aubrey Edwards rears her ugly head to cost them that!

Jeff Jarrett says that’s right! And just 10 days ago, Aubrey and “Cueball” Bryce and the whole lot screwed Jarrett out of the International Title! The Last Outlaw assures us that this foursome WILL have gold sooner or later. Sonjay Dutt adds that no power can prevent them from becoming champions. But to guarantee one thing, “you all will be calling us champions!” Lethal says they’re scared of that day, and they should be! But will Triple J learn they have to do that fair and square?

 

Brody King w/ Julia Hart VS Jake Hager!

The big behemoth of the House of Black is here to break the Jericho Appreciation Society’s muscle! Will Brody brutalize Hager? Or will Rock Hard Hager like tonight like he likes that hat?

The bell rings and fans cheer the hat. Brody and Hager stare down, tie up, and go around. Brody pushes Hager back, and Hager shoves back. Brody shoves Hager, Hager runs to RAM Brody, but Brody stays up! Brody runs to RAM Hager, but Hager stays up! They start throwing haymakers! Fans fire up and duel, Hager knees low then runs, but into a BIG forearm! Brody runs but into a BIG forearm! Hager runs, fakes Brody out, but Brody dodges to DOUBLE CHOP! Fans fire up while Hager bails out. Brody pursues and ROCKS Hager with a haymaker! Brody whips Hager into railing! Fans fire up as Brody roars1

But Hager hits back! And he runs Brody to THROW him into barriers! Hager roars and Rampage goes picture in picture.

Hager drags Brody up to whip him into more barriers! Hager lets off to soak up the heat. Hager drags Brody up, CLUBS him, then SMACKS him off the apron! Hager shouts at Brody, drags him up, and ROCKS him with a haymaker. But Brody ROCKS Hager back! Hager CLUBS Brody against the apron, puts Brody in the ring, and stomps a mudhole into the corner. Hager digs his boots in but lets off as the ref counts. Hager digs his knee in now, but lets off again as the ref counts. Hager argues with the ref, but he goes back to Brody. Hager stands Brody up but Brody throws forearms!

The two brawl with body shots and forearms, and Hager gets the edge! Hager fires off in the corner, but lets off as the ref counts. Hager soaks up the heat, puts Brody on ropes and CHOKES him! The ref reprimands and counts, Hager lets off at 4, and Brody sputters. Hager drags Brody up, chicken wings him, but Brody resists the hold. Hager leans on Brody, grinds him down, and he goes after the shoulder as Rampage goes to break.

Rampage returns as Brody whips Hager corner to corner. Hager comes back, but into a BOSS MAN SLAM! Cover, TWO!! Hager survives and Brody checks his teeth while fans fire up. Brody drags Hager up but Hager fights the lift! Hager picks the ankle for the ANKLE LOCK! But Brody turns over to BOOT Hager away. Hager turns around, inot a CORNER SPLASH! Fans bark and hoot with Brody as he goes to the far corner. Brody roars, runs, but Hager avoids the CANNONBALL! Brody hits buckles, falls into the drop zone, and Hager roars, “I LOVE THIS HAT!” Hager goes up, up but gets BOOTS! And a DISCUS LARIAT! Cover, TWO!!

Hager survives, and wait! Anna Jay POSTS Julia! Fans boo, Brody is furious, but Hager rolls Brody up! TWO!! Hager runs back in, but Brody dodges to fireman’s carry and LANDSLIDE!! Cover, Brody wins!

Winner: Brody King, by pinfall

Hager suffers “The All Seeing Eye,” but the JAS has upped things by bringing The Queenslayer in to go after the Lady of the House. Will it be an all out war between these two factions?

 

Swerve Strickland speaks.

He laughs before he says, “Yo, at this point, I’m really getting sick and tired of you, Keith Lee. So people are wondering when are we gonna end this once and for all. When I damn well please, when I choose to, because I’m the one driving this. You won the battle, you took out my men, so I’m gonna finish this war. And I’ve found an affiliate of mine who is just as twisted and sick in the mind like I am. Strange music, it’s a strange world.” Nine introduces himself, and Swerve says that what Nine says is to bring someone Keith doesn’t expect. Keith took out Trench and Parker, that was one battle. Swerve will win the war. Hoodies up.

 

Taya Valkyrie VS Leila Grey w/ Jade Cargill & Mark Sterling!

La Wera Loca wants the TBS Championship, but The Baddies want her to stop using the same finishing move as #ThatBitch. Will the papers be served along with an L? Or will Taya just tear it all up?

The bell rings and Taya and Leila talk some smack. Leila says she doesn’t care who Taya is or where she’s been, but Jade is The Baddie. Leila pie faces, then shoves Taya, but Taya smirks. Then she LARIATS Leila down! Fans fire up, Taya whips Leila to ropes, but Leila dodges, and Mark gets on the apron! Sterling shows his Cease & Desist, but Taya just rolls her eyes. But Leila attacks from behind! Fans boo but “That’s how baddies do it!” Taya shoves Leila, blocks the chop and kicks, KNEES and fires off strikes! Taya chicken wings! ROAD TO VALHALLA! Cover, Taya wins!

Winner: Taya Valkyrie, by pinfall

Yeah, that C&D doesn’t mean a thing to Taya. But Sterling gets in the ring cuz he means business! He says that she will take the C&D seriously! Taya ROCKS Sterling, then chicken wings him! Jade is speechless as Sterling takes a ROAD TO VALHALLA!! Jade says it doesn’t matter if Taya uses the same move, she’ll still be champion. But will #ThatBitchShow continue to 55-0? Or will La Wera Loca be the one behind 54-1?

 

MORE BREAKING NEWS for Dynamite!

On top of Omega VS Cobb for the IWGP United States Heavyweight Championship, “Jungle Boy” Jack Perry starts on his race to become #1 contender as he faces Matt Hardy! Will this Young Pillar set the pace for the race to MJF? Plus, The Blackpool Combat Club fights together as one in a Trios Match against Dalton Castle & The Boys! Will Moxley, Claudio & Yuta start to build their strength in the AEW and ROH Trios Divisions? Then, in a match for the AEW International Championship, Orange Cassidy defends against The Butcher! Will Freshly Squeezed still be a fighting champion after taking on the Superbad Squad’s behemoth?

 

Mark Henry welcomes us back to Rampage.

“Tonight, The Kingdom faces The Acclaimed. Two accomplished tag teams, let’s see why.” Mike Bennett & Matt Taven are former ROH World Tag Team Champions but Max Caster & Anthony Bowens are former AEW World Tag Team Champions, each with their own strong, homegrown rise to the top. The Acclaimed are fan favorites, The Kingdom not so much. But it’s TIME! For the main event! Will Caster & Bowens drop bars and drop The Kingdom? Or will this be the start of a new rise for Bennett & Taven?

The Acclaimed w/ Billy Gunn VS The Kingdom!

Wait, before the match gets going, the Jericho Appreciation Society’s Matthew Menard & Angelo Parker are joining commentary. They still insist Caster & Bowens are top tier sports… enner-tay-ners! But will all this courting just turn The Acclaimed off?

But of course, Platinum Max has a diss track on deck! “The Acclaimed ’bout to claim another victim. All the fans like, ‘Who the hell is the Kingdom?’ Taven sucks, if I’m being a buck. Mike Bennett is best known for being a cuck! Ay yo, Maria, keep it zipped up. I saw your Playboy and didn’t even get bricked up. I’ll take a shot since you purple marks. I’m a leave ya purple ass with some purple hearts.” Bowens then tells, “KANSAS CITAAAAY~! The Acclaimed have arrived! SCISSOR ME, DADDY ASS~!” And he does! But will The Acclaimed clip The Kingdom from the top of the tag division rankings?

The teams sort out and Caster starts against Mike, and fans sing, “OH~ Scissor Me, Daddy~!” Mike and Caster circle, but Maria wants to scissor finger? Really? Mike gives permission, but then he sucker punches Caster! Mike CHOPS Caster in the corner, keeps him cornered, and CHOPS again! Tag to Taven, feed to a BOOT, then a forearm, then a MISSILE DROPKICK! Taven covers, ONE! Taven pulls Caster’s hair, brings him around and bumps him off buckles. Tag to Mike and he DECKS Bowens! The Kingdom mugs Caster, Mike CHOPS and whips. Caster holds ropes, Bowens tags, and then Caster sunset flips.

Bowens runs in, NECKBREAKER BACKSTABBER COMBO! Bowens drags Mike to a cover, TWO! Bowens stands Mike up to CHOP! And CHOP! Fans fire up and Bowens brings Mike around, but Mike turns things around on Bowens! Bowens fights the lift, slips around, ripcords and NECKBREAKERS! Cover, TWO! Menard breaks the news that The Ocho, Chris Jericho, gives Menard & Parker permission to take The Acclaimed “out on the town” and spend as much “cold hard cash” as it takes. Will The Acclaimed accept that invite? Tag to Caster, he ROCKS Mike, then scoops and SLAMS! Bowens goes up, SCISSOR ME TIMBERS~!

Taven storms in but he gets thrown out of the ring! And The Acclaimed SCISSOR FINGER~! Fans fire up more while Rampage goes picture in picture.

Caster stalks Mike, drags him up, and brings him around to hit a BIG back suplex! Caster drags Mike up again, but Taven trips Bowens of the apron! Mike CHOPS Caster, Caster ROCKS Mike, Taven sends Bowens into steel steps! The CHOPS and haymakers keep going, then Mike kicks low. Mike CHOPS again, but Caster still throws forearms! Caster whips, Mike reverses and Taven trips Caster and Mike UPPERCUTS! Tag to Taven, feed to the GOURD BUSTER! Mike BLINDSIDE ROLLING ELBOWS! Taven covers, TWO! Taven is upset but he was too busy mocking the scissor fingers for a better pin.

Taven CHOPS Caster to ropes, Caster CHOPS back! They CHOP back and forth, faster and faster, then Taven pokes Caster in the eyes! Tag to Mike, he snapmares Caster while the JAS talk about their plans. Not that we can hear… Mike CATAPULTS Caster into a GAMANGIRI! Taven goes up, ELBOW DROP BACKBREAKER COMBO! Mike takes a bow, high-fives his wife, and Taven suplexes Caster. Caster blocks, throws body shots, but Taven knees low! Tag to Mike, the Kingdom double whips Caster to ropes to leap frog and SUPERKICK, then SPEAR! Cover, Bowens breaks it! The ref reprimands and Mike is annoyed, but he stays on Caster.

Mike CHOPS Caster in the corner, then brings him out to BRAINBUSTER! Cover, TWO! Mike was also too busy mocking the scissor fingers, but he tags Taven. The Kingdom mugs Caster and Rampage returns to single picture. Fans rally for The Acclaimed as Taven throws hands. Taven whips, Caster reverses but Taven reverses back to HEEL KICK! Cover, TWO! Caster hangs tough but Mike tags in. The Kingdom mugs Caster, Mike rolls Caster up, TWO! Tag to Taven, the Kingdom mugs Caster more. The Kingdom talks trash on Daddy Ass, “SUCK IT!” Fans boo and Billy gets hot, but Caster fires off on The Kingdom!

Caster runs, but Maria trips her! Mike fireman’s carries, Taven runs, SAMOAN DROP and JUST THE TIP! Mike sucker punches Bowens while Taven covers, TWO!! Mike is annoyed, Billy storms up on Maria! Maria scurries away, Mike warns Billy to leave her alone, but Top Flight is here! Darius & Dante have beef with The Kingdom over ROH, but Mike hurries to the ramp! Billy CLOBBERS Mike!! And tells him “SUCK IT!” Taven argues with the ref, something about Maria’s shoe, but Caster hot tags Bowens! Bowens rallies on Taven, Billy pats Mike’s head. Taven reverse aw hip but Bowens hurdles to fire off a mule kick, front kick, and LEAP FROG FAMOUSER!

Fans fire up, “EVERYONE LOVES THE ACCLAIMED!” Billy sends Mike in for the Five Tool Strike Fest! But Taven rolls Bowens up with tights! TWO!! ROLLING ELBOW!! Bowens fires up, he tags Caster, and THE ARRIVAL sets up the MIC DROP!! Cover, The Acclaimed win!!

Winners: The Acclaimed, by pinfall

Menard says, “We did it!” What? Well, the JAS are happy The Acclaimed won, but will they convince Caster & Bowens to join up? Or will The Acclaimed be their own brand of sports… enner-tay-ners?

My Thoughts:

A great Rampage, especially for being on a different night. Another great TNT Championship match, though it would seem that again, QT and crew help Hobbs win when Hobbs shouldn’t/doesn’t need that. Sure, it’s standard Heel behavior that, should you have a faction behind you, you use them to cheat. Except it’s also overused in this day and age, as we’ve seen that enough in WWE with The Bloodline, and already see enough of that in AEW with the Jericho Appreciation Society. Hobbs should either see it for himself, or be told by someone else, that he doesn’t need QTV dragging him down. This is definitely a situation of “they need you more than you need them,” because what would QT even be doing if he wasn’t Hobbs’ manager?

Great match from Hager and Brody, and just as I was wondering where the JAS’s female members have been, Anna Jay attacks Julia. Anna VS Julia could be some really good stuff, maybe even give us some form of Mixed Tag before the Trios Championship blow-off. Good promo from Starks in that he didn’t wanna do a promo but fight. And of course Juice uses the typical Heel move of teasing a fight but then backing out of it. April 5th, the Dynamite after the wild weekend in Los Angeles, will surely be a good one with Starks VS Juice on it. And good vignette for Omega VS Cobb to get their promos from earlier in the year. Omega VS Cobb next week could go either way because Omega’s AEW story doesn’t need the US title, and it’d be big if the United Empire started grabbing up belts again.

Good promo from Swerve, nice cameo from Nine, and I do appreciate that Swerve is adding more members to his faction. In fact, depending on who this mystery recruit is, they could be more a replacement for Trench and Parker as, no offense to either guy, they’re just big meat. Trench hasn’t had a debut match yet, so he must still be training. And Parker’s matches always come out as him just mauling his opponent and he isn’t even the best at that. If Swerve finds a guy who is big and talented, that’d be an improvement. Hell, where’s Nick Comoroto? He isn’t palling around with QT right now, make him an Affiliate.

Good squash on Leila Grey from Taya. Of course she’s not gonna stop using her chicken wing facebuster, that was obvious from the moment Sterling mentioned the Cease & Desist. And great main event match from Acclaimed VS Kingdom. Good commentary from Menard and Parker, as well as good tease for an “out on the town” promo with them and The Acclaimed. Good move having Top Flight show up, too, since they’re building a rivalry with The Kingdom on ROH. As I said for the ROH article, Top Flight and The Kingdom should definitely get in on the #ReachForTheSky ladder match to both settle their feud and possibly crown one of them the NEW ROH World Tag Team Champions.

My Score: 8.7/10


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Andrew’s IMPACT Sacrifice Results & Match Ratings: 3.24.2023

Well damn, 24 hours changes everything! Josh is injured and has to vacate the World title! Mickie is also injured but she’s making her announcement during the show. How does IMPACT salvage their two main title pictures at Sacrifice?

Published

2 days ago

on

March 24, 2023

By

Well hot damn, a lot of news popped up in less than 24 hours. So Josh Alexander tore his triceps; so he has to vacate the World Title and he’s being replaced by Steve Maclin in the 6 man match. Mickie James apparently also has an injury, but they are going to turn it into a segment on the show instead of a straight up vacating.

Now from a story perspective this sucks since I loved the Maclin/Alexander segment last night. That’s just me being selfish since I wanted to see that build and Maclin get the big win he deserves. Now he’ll be facing Kushida for the vacated title at Rebellion, and even if Maclin wins it will feel a little flat. Here’s to hoping that when Josh returns from injury they can find a way to bridge the time lost and keep the story going eventually.

Ratings:

  • Speedball Mike Bailey vs Jonathan Gresham: Bailey wins via Reverse Figure Four – *** 3/4
  • Digital Media Championship: Joe Hendry (c) vs Brian Myers: Hendry retains via Standing Ovation – ***
  • Gisele Shaw w/Jai Vidal & Savannah Evans vs Deonna Purrazzo: Deonna wins via Venus de Milo – *** 1/4
  • Kenny King w/Eddie Edwards vs PCO: PCO wins via Straight Right Chair Punch – *** 1/4
  • X Division Championship: Lince Dorado vs Trey Miguel (c): Trey retains via Cradle – *
  • IMPACT Tag Team Titles: TMDK (Shane Haste & Bad Dude Tito) vs Bullet Club (Ace Austin & Chris Bey) (c): Bullet Club retains via ABC 1-2-Sweet – ****
  • Busted Open Match: Bully Ray vs Tommy Dreamer: Bully wins – ** 1/2
  • Time Machine (Kushida, Chris Sabin & Alex Shelley) vs Rich Swann, Frankie Kazarian & Steve Maclin: Kushida wins via Hoverboard Lock – ****

 

Results:

Speedball Mike Bailey vs Jonathan Gresham

With the injuries in the main event, I could definitely see one, or both of these guys; fast tracked into the title scene after Rebellion. And I don’t think anyone would really be mad at that.

A quick tit for tat start, no one really gets any advantage. Just a few quick counters and takeover attempts. They both pause to take in chants from the crowd and then lock up again. Collar and Elbow tie up, they don’t release and both roll one another under the rope and out of the ring. There is an early moment where while he’s against the ropes he pokes Speedball in the eye and then apologizes. So things go back to a technical face vs face, but it could be a precursor.

Technical catch wrestling continues. Wrestling one another down, trying to get positions for small submission picks or limb attacks, but nothing is sticking yet. Gresham does manage to an Indian Deathlock, and then a Reverse Figure Four that Gresham conveniently can’t untangle so the referee has to do it and Bailey is pissed. Gresham tries to explain it, but Bailey lights him up, Gresham falls out of the ring, Golden Triangle Moonsault and now the aggression is starting to pick up. Hamstring Kicks and Chops from Bailey, but Gresham baits the attack and trips up Bailey before attacking the left knee with a grin on his face. Bailey is grounded for a while and Gresham keeps trying to twist off his leg. Eventually some Up Kicks break the submission attempt but Gresham wrestles him down again into a Bow and Arrow Trailer Hitch kind of move. Since Bailey has Tanahashi next week, Gresham must be trying to make Bailey’s knees equal. Good Guy Gresham.

Bailey starts stringing some offense together, but a few Low Dropkicks ruins Bailey’s base and causes him to face plant and the offense is going nowhere. Gresham even goes for the pinfall by trying to hyper extend the leg he’s been working on. Strikes continue to trade, Gresham tries to shoot the half but Bailey kicks off, Hamstring Kick again, Gresham Kips Up but clutches the leg a little, a chance for Speedball but Gresham cradles him to the ground and locks in a Figure Four. Speedball eventually rolls to the apron, Gresham tries to continue the stretching but Bailey kicks him into the post, sweeps the leg and Moonsault Double Knees right on Gresham’s head; Bailey went full Billy Kidman with his offense.

Bailey and Gresham continue to jockey for position on the outside, it looks like it might be a double count out. Gresham gets in at 9, Bailey gets in right at the 10 and the referee allows the match to continue. Some quick offense, Tornado Kicks to the corner, Ultima Weapon misses, Gresham goes for the Figure Four again but Speedball reverses it and Gresham taps pretty quick.

Backstage segment with Brian Myers, Moose joins and says he’ll help him beat Hendry – but then Santino shows up! He tells Moose he’s dumb and just stooged himself out, so he’s banning him from ringside. Who would’ve thunk it, the comedy character brings the logic. 

Digital Media Championship: Joe Hendry (c) vs Brian Myers

Myers powders after a few early bumps and then Hendry follows him. Hendry is definitely not fighting with “champion’s advantage”, as is the way for babyfaces. Myers tries to fight back on the floor but a Scoop Slam leaves Myers on the receiving end. Hendry has to roll in to reset the 10 count and Myers catches him.

A few quick attacks, Roster Cut attempt but Hendry gets the goozle on. Standing Ovation attempt but Myers slips it, Chop Block, and continues to hammer down on Hendry. Myers with a Falcon Arrow and a bunch of slightly arrogant offense until he goes for the Crossbody, gets caught again, Sack of Shit, and Hendry is back on the offensive. Pop Up Power – no, slips and a Running Spear from Myers for a 2 count. Myers hits the top rope but Hendry cuts him off, Myers pushes him off, launches and Hendry hits the RKO mid move! Throws Myers into the ropes, Standing Ovation, and Hendry retains!

So Mickie addresses her injury, it seems she broke a rib during the tag match. They are allowing Mickie to hold on to the title until Rebellion. Either she defends it in a 3 way versus Jordynne and the winner of the 4 Way at the Multiverse United show or Jordynne will face the winner of the 4 Way for the vacated title. 

Gisele Shaw w/Jai Vidal & Savannah Evans vs Deonna Purrazzo

Deonna starts off angry, Gisele is getting rocked early, they go through a few rope running counter cradles and slides but its just early counter wrestling. Gisele manages to surprise Deonna going for an Armbar, but Deonna counters it, tries the Venus de Milo but Shaw powders. Deonna hits the Baseball Slide, starts beating on Gisele but she slides back in to distract the referee while Savannah clocks Deonna.

Triplicate European Uppercuts from Gisele keep her very comfortably in control. Another distraction to the ref and Savannah swings and connects with Deonna again. Deonna tries to fight from the corner, Gisele grabs Deonna’s feet drapes her across the ropes and drops both knees on Deonna. Gisele drives her knee into Deonna’s shoulder blades and goes for the Chin Lock. Deonna tries to power out, Gisele stifles it a little, but Deonna catches her with a Twisting Neckbreaker. Slow start to the strike exchange but it slowly picks up, Deonna with a beautiful spot of a no look Back Kick right to Gisele’s stomach, Running Knee Lift into the Russian Leg Sweep for 2. Deonna Pump Kick, Gisele Superkick, Deonna bounces off the ropes, Flatliner into Koji Clutch, but Gisele slides back a little to turn it into a pinfall to break the submission.

Both women have wrist control and just swing at each other. Deonna gets the best, one big swing but Gisele ducks it, catches Deonna in Shock and Awe (Backbreaker into Flatliner). Denouement attempt, Deonna grabs at the arm for the Fujiwara attempt but Gisele fights it off. Venus de Milo gets locked in and Deonna holds it a little longer to make a point.

Savannah attacks Deonna afterwards, but Tasha Steelz music hits. Tasha tries to play nice like she’s here to help Savannah, then cheap shots her, fights off Jai with a Tornado DDT kicking off of Savannah. Okurr on Jai and Tasha cleans house and babyfaces herself. 

Kenny King w/Eddie Edwards vs PCO

Kenny comes out in an Honor No More shirt, which is a nice way to play into the story. 

Eddie tries to get PCO’s attention and then Kenny attacks him right as the bell rings. PCO turns things around shortly, Eddie keeps trying to find angles to give Kenny ambush spots but PCO keeps fighting back. PCO stalks Eddie on the outside and Kenny hits a beautiful Tornillo, then a Scoop Slam as he mocks the whole Frankenstein gimmick. PCO rolls in and Kenny John Woo’s him into the corner and starts Bootwashing his face to talk smack. PCO fires, goozle and just throws Kenny out of the ring.

PCO kicks Kenny from getting back in the ring, looks to do his Senton but “short circuits”. So PCO does a Senton to the wrong side of the ring, crashing but popping right back up, and it apparently helped correct the issue. So Senton onto Kenny, throws him back in, Kenny tries the Eddy Gordo kick but PCO just barrels over him.  PCO drapes Kenny in the corner, Codebreaker, into the back of the head Guillotine Leg Drop and now PCO pulls him to the apron.

Here we go, Deanimator attempt – but Eddie cuts him off, PCO kicks him back into the cameras, Kenny gets up and an Iconoclasm bouncing off the apron of the ring! Kenny throws him into the steps, rolls in, things he’s all but won…yet PCO beats the 10 count. “He’s Not Human” chant starts, Frog Splash from Kenny and PCO kicks out and fires at 2. Eddie throws a Kendo stick in the ring to distract the referee from Kenny using a chair. Kenny hits PCO once, PCO shakes it off and has a gameplan. So he actually helps keep the referee distracted to bait in Kenny for another chairshot attempt, but PCO just punches through the chair and knocks out Kenny.

Maclin, Kaz and Rich have a backstage segment. It perfectly shows the story beats of Maclin being annoyed that he put in all this prep and recon on Josh just for the opponent to be flipped. Typical tumultuous team members vibe, but Maclin gets his story beats across beautifully.

X Division Championship: Lince Dorado vs Trey Miguel (c)

Okay Lince comes out in a bathrobe with some cringe ass “Lucha Lit” gimmick. I…hate it. This is probably the first time ever that I want Trey to win. Cause Dorado is cringe as hell. In a game of them both sucking, I’ll pick the style of trash that I can tolerate more…which is Trey. 

Lucha counter wrestling with flips over trips and that stupid ass Mirrored Dropkick Spot. I also don’t love the Lince doing the cat mannerisms, but Puma King and a few others have done that…so I guess its more tolerated in Lucha. This whole match has been a little paint by numbers boring Lucha where the moves are done just to pop the crowd but not to actually accomplish anything.

Diving whatever moves they accomplish nothing. Its really hard for me to care about flippy trash matches. Lince hits 2 of the 3 step Moonsaults, but Trey of course no sells and dodges the third, Tiger Wall Kick, but Trey stumbles a little for the Enzuigiri, Trey also hits a sloppy Outside In Tiger Feint…its just sloppy spots for spots sake. I would probably be more entertained if I had Runescape fired up on a different tab. This is just a waste of space, much like both “wrestlers”.

Lince hits a Avalanche Frankensteiner, into a Shooting Star Press but Trey powders. Lince tries that bounce off the corner with his legs spot, but its sloppy. Another sloppy Tiger Feint from Trey, Slingshot Sunset Bomb for 2. These are just stupid moves for stupid sake. Lince tries to cut off Trey from a rope run with a Big Boot but mostly misses, makes the whole cut off exchange look stupid. Trey with a flash cradle during the cut offs for pinfall. Eww…this was garbage.

IMPACT Tag Team Titles: TMDK (Shane Haste & Bad Dude Tito) vs Bullet Club (Ace Austin & Chris Bey) (c)

It is nice to see a variation of TMDK back together. I also enjoyed Tito called Ace and Bey the “Mini Bullet Club” since they’re the juniors heavyweights.

 Tito and Bey start off, Bey is trying to show off his speed, Tito gets across the power though. Tito kinda looks like a young Scott Steiner, and he literally tosses Bey back into his corner. Ace tags in, tries to do something but Tito is just too strong. Haste gets tagged in for some flashy yet effective offense. Ace finds something with the Triangle Victory Roll, Bey blind tag, cheap shot on Tito, Russian Leg Sweep + Low Sweep combination into some Click Click Boom. So Bullet Club is showing very nice Junior style synergy. Haste is very loud and animated, so he’s a great one to have eating the offense. Especially when they do their Back Rake goof spot.

Haste finally maneuvers things to tag Tito in, and Haste hands off Ace to Tito and Tito hits a Standing Blue Thunder Bomb. Tree of Woe, Bey tries to come in to break up the spot but the referee is distract, Tito steps up and stands on the groin, nice homage to Petey Williams. We are in Canada. Announce team almost sets up too much meme fodder, and then Rehwoldt steers into it. Rehwoldt said Bey was trying to rush into to get Tito off…paused for a second, which you know Hannifan gave him a look. So then they just pivot to everyone in TMDK being like Australian Sex Pistols. Very clever misdirection.

The match is fun, Bey gets the hot tag, clocks everyone, Haste tries a Lariat, Bey ducks that, flies onto Tito on the outside, comes back in, Tornado Fameasser for 2. Bullet Club goes for a Torture Rack/Triangle Kick combo, but Haste gets out of it. Tito gets tagged in and he start to look like Steve Williams with the Doctor Bomb for 2. Tito hits a big battering ram Dive on Bey to clear him out. Haste Falcon Arrow, Tito Froggy Splash, but Bey breaks it up.

Tito starts getting ping ponged between the two Juniors, Torture Rack/Triangle Kick combination, for 1-2-3? – no Haste comes in the referee says it was in time to stop the 3 count. Tito charges and a beautifully times Superkick + Spinning Back Heel Kick on Tito. He’s dazed, ABC 1-2-Sweet! Bullet Club retain!

Busted Open Match: Bully Ray vs Tommy Dreamer

This is a First Blood Match for anyone who doesn’t know, and Dreamer comes out with an ECW Championship Belt. 

Chair duel to start things, ECW replica belt to the face of Bully Ray. Dreamer grabs a soda from a fan, Muta mist on Bully, tries to shove the can into his skull for early blood but no. Bully crotches Dreamer on the guardrail and then picks a fight with Darren McCarty who’s in the crowd. Darren McCarty was the enforcer for the Detroit Red Wings, so its very old school letting the ex sports guy play. Bully also has a great spot where he pulls out a step ladder, then asks the referee to hold it, does the Jimmy Snuka pose and goes for a Splash and misses. Bully gets to rile up AEW and WWF fans all in one spot. Good old school heat. Corny, but good.

Dreamer gets a bag of tacks, Bully fights off the Piledriver, gets the cheese grater but Dreamer hits the Bionic Elbow as a counter. Cheese grater with Dreamer, Dreamer charges, Bully pulls the referee in the corner, so ref bump. Dreamer eventually makes contact with the cheese grater, but there’s no referee and Bully has his back to the  camera, so it slow rolls the result nicely. Good Hands hit the ring, on with a towel to see if he can blot the bleeding before the ref comes to.

Bully hits Tommy with pocket tacks instead of pocket sand. Tries to drive Dreamer’s face into the tacks and then Elbow it further down but Dreamer moves. Dreamer grabs the grater again, Bully tries to beg off, screams he’s sorry and now tries to guilt Tommy with his family is going to see this. Dreamer actually stops and then Bully hits him in the balls. Bully busts open Tommy with the tacks, the Good Hands slide in Tommy as the referee comes to, so the referee only sees Dreamer bleeding. Its a solid old school Hardcore match but it was definitely a little too plodding and corny.

Yuya Uemura tries to make the save, then Darren McCarty jumps the railing. This really has turned into ECW, Bully gets a mic, asks him if he really wants to fight and tells security to let him go. LOL – a literal Hockey Fight. McCarty gets the best of things, Good Hands mug him from behind. Triple Powerbomb McCarty through the table. 

Scott D’Amore’s music hits! Scott starts stripping like he’s Ric Flair. Bully calls down Scott, but Scott has backup. He calls Rino, Heath, Gresham, Baily and Joe Hendry.  Good Hands try to attack Scott…Scott stops him…and HITS A CANADIAN DESTROYER! Can this lead to a Lethal Lockdown match? Team D’Amore versus Team Bully? Give me that…give me some Lethal Lockdown now! 

Time Machine (Kushida, Chris Sabin & Alex Shelley) vs Rich Swann, Frankie Kazarian & Steve Maclin

Shelley and Swann start off, and its just a bit of chain wrestling. They both have Hammerlocks, Headlocks, and just twist around to try and find an angle. Shelley speeds things up a little, Shoulder Tackle, rope run, Swann goes down and Shelley puts on the brakes to sink in a quick STF but Rich grabs the rope. Kaz and Sabin tag in and we get some Battle of the Futures nostalgia.

Back and forth, Up and Over, Sabin with the Arm Drag into the Top Wristlock. Kaz fights through, a little more quick counters and fun stalemate spots as they are all having fun with each other. Kushida tags in and points to Maclin. Kaz slaps Maclin’s chest and we all know Maclin isn’t a fun loving babyface like Kaz and Swann, so the tone should start to change. Kushida starts by starting Grounded ala Inoki vs Ali, then manages to trip up Maclin and keep the mat wrestling going, but Maclin finally gets back to hit feet and can finally use his size and power to  his advantage. Shelley blind tag, Time Splitters PK to the Arm combo.

Shelley keeps on the arm that got kicks with the Arm Wringer and then a few quick shots to the damaged arm. Kaz makes the blind tag after Maclin uses the middle rope into Shelley’s throat. Kaz and Rich with a little Hip Toss tandem stuff for a near fall on Shelley. But the tone of Rich and Kaz is definitely much different. Shelley fights his way out of the enemy corner, Time Machine triple team, Single Leg Crab, Camel Clutch, Sliding Dropkick from Sabin onto Rich. Kaz is trying to police too much of Maclin’s motion, typical team that doesn’t get along stuff. Rich driven into Kaz in the corner, triple Dropkicks from all of Time Machine.

Kushida tags in, stares down Maclin and then Maclin picks up and throws Rich to Time Machine because you can tell he’s frustrated getting policed with all of his moves. MCMG hold Rich, Kushida hits the Baseball Slide on the restrained wrestler and Kushida does the little Liger spin around pose/taunt and stares down Maclin. Shelley starts with the joint manipulation, and Swann is just getting torn apart. Swann in the Tree of Woe, Sliding Dropkick to Swann’s face, and then the Triple Baseball Slide. Sabin tags in with the Octopus Hold on Rich which he rolls into a pinfall, but Rich kicks out. You hear Maclin say “All you have to do is tag me bitch” – which proves that Maclin is trying to be a team player in his own way.

Rich fights out of the triple team, and chooses to tag in Kaz. Kaz hot tag, exchanges with Sabin which turns into the Guillotine Leg Drop through the ropes, Kaz is taking out everyone right now. Two Springboard Leg Drops…and now a third as all of the Time Machine offense is stopped. Sabin blind tag though gives Time Machine some momentum. Rich tries to come in, gets rocked, Maclin charges, Sabin grabs him and Tornado DDT sends Maclin to powder. Missile Dropkick/Flatliner on Kaz for 2.

Cradle Shock counter, rolling tag to Rich. Avalanche Headscissors, Rich goes to the top rope, Maclin tags himself in, but Time Machine gets rolling. Dragon Screw from Kushida with the Mutoh pose afterwards. Maclin and Shelley are legal, and going back and forth. Double Arm Breaker from Shelley after Kaz tries to get involved. Maclin gets some offense back in, Caught in the Crosshairs form Maclin, Maclin tags in Kaz, Kaz tags Rich, tandem attacks, Cutter form Rich into a 450…1-2-Kushida Kicks out! Swann goes for Phoenix Splash but misses. Flying Armbar from Kushida, triple Submission spot, but Maclin gets out of his and breaks Kushida’s submission. Maclin stares down Time Machine, hits the ropes and gets eaten alive by tandem attacks.

Time Machine goes for a Double Shiranui Tower, but it gets broken up. Outatime lands on Kaz. Sliced Bread lands on Swann. Tanaka Punch blocked, Maclin eats Shell Shock, Sabin gives Kushida a rolling start to throw him onto Maclin like a Spider Monkey and sink in the Hoverboard Lock. Maclin taps relatively quick, which is strategic to not risk injury.

Overall Score: 7/10

Talk about a show that no one knew what the hell to expect! Josh vacating the belt means that things had to change with fairly short notice. Mickie’s implications of either a Triple threat or she’ll hand over the belt to the winner if she’s not cleared is something you don’t see too often. But when it comes down to the card, the show was relatively good. Trey & Lince was hot garbage, and Busted Open was what we all kind of expected. Was it a bit more entertaining with some of the ECW nods? Sure. But it was just a spectacle and honestly Scott D’Amore hitting the Canadian Destroyer made that all worth it.

The tag and six man matches were the best stuff on the card, and sets the stage decently well for storylines into Rebellion. I’m not joking though, if we don’t get Team D’Amore vs Team Bully in a Lethal Lockdown…the salt will pour. Don’t let the Canadian Destroyer spot be for naught! Oh – and put the damn belt on Maclin!


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Andrew’s Judgmental Album Reviews: Fall Out Boy – So Much (For) Stardust (2023)

The JAR decides to tackle the newest album from early 00s Emo veterans Fall Out Boy! Do the emotions resonate...
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Bandwagon Nerds6 days ago

Bandwagon Nerds #175: Affleck is DC Done

On this week’s Bandwagon, Patrick, Tunney and Dave continue their coverage of The Mandalorian.  Why do the nerds think this episode...
Entertainment7 days ago

Talk the Kēki: Tokyo Revengers, Kubo Won’t Let Me Be Invisible, More!

No breaks for Ethan and Mat this time, as we have another episode of Talk the Kēki!
Entertainment1 week ago

Andrew’s Judgmental Album Reviews: Kamelot – The Awakening (2023)

Will this be The Awakening of my enjoyment of post-Roy Khan Kamelot...or does the JAR continue to cherry pick?
Entertainment1 week ago

Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu Results & Report! (3/17/23)

One round left before the finish!
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Sports Entertainment

AEW Coverage16 hours ago

Mitchell’s AEW Rampage Results & Report! (3/25/23)

Will Hobbs is on a Rampage!
Podcasts18 hours ago

DWI Podcast #370: Edge Myself

The return of AJ Balaz has the trumpets blaring this week on the podcast known as DWI!
Chairshot Radio DWI Wrestling The Chuggies Stone Cold Steve Austin Chairshot Radio DWI Wrestling The Chuggies Stone Cold Steve Austin
Podcasts1 day ago

DWI Podcast #369: DJ Acknowledges CM Punk

Rob and DJ join the show this week as we dive into the latest CM Punk news.
Coverage2 days ago

Andrew’s IMPACT Sacrifice Results & Match Ratings: 3.24.2023

Well damn, 24 hours changes everything! Josh is injured and has to vacate the World title! Mickie is also injured...
Coverage2 days ago

Mitchell’s WWE SmackDown Results & Report! (3/24/23)

It's a family feud!
The Chairshot Arena The Miranda Show The Chairshot Arena The Miranda Show
Podcasts2 days ago

Mindless Wrestling Podcast: Don’t Be A Creepy Fan!

This week on The Mindless Wrestling Podcast, we talk about obsessive, creepy fans who pick the worst times to ask...
Coverage3 days ago

Andrew’s IMPACT Match Ratings & Results: 3.23.2023

The Go Home to Sacrifice! PPV this week, Mania weekend special next week! Fun times for Impact!
ROH Wrestling 2023 ROH Wrestling 2023
Coverage3 days ago

Mitchell’s ROH Results & Report! (3/23/23)

CHEESEBURGER!
More From Japan3 days ago

(NOAH) NOAH NEWSLETTER VOL.195 ~ 22ND MARCH 2023

New champions, All Japan interactions, new debuts and Joshi in NOAH! NOAH is heating up in 2023!
AEW Coverage Lasers AEW Coverage Lasers
AEW Coverage4 days ago

Mitchell’s AEW Dynamite Results & Report! (3/22/23)

Independence is Dynamite!
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