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Mitchell’s WWE Monday Night Raw Report! (1/15/18)

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All images courtesy of the WWE’s official Twitter

 

OFFICIAL RESULTS

  • The Bar VS Titus Worldwide; Titus Worldwide wins.
  • Cedric Alexander w/ Goldust VS Tony Nese w/ Enzo Amore; Alexander wins.
  • Asuka VS Nia Jax; Asuka wins by referee decision.
  • The Revival VS Solow & Starks; The Revival wins.
  • 2-on-1 Handicap Match: The Miztourage w/ The Miz VS Roman Reigns; Reigns wins.
  • Sasha Banks w/ Bayley & Mickie James VS Sonya Deville w/ Absolution; Sonya wins.
  • WOKEN Matt Hardy VS Heath Slater w/ Rhyno; Hardy wins.
  • Finn Balor w/ The Club VS Seth Rollins w/ Jason Jordan; Rollins wins.

PLAY BY PLAY

Raw’s biggest monsters are superhuman.

The Beast, Brock Lesnar, does not fear the Big Red Machine nor the Monster Among Men, but each challenger is doing their best to make him afraid. Kane would ambush Lesnar, but then Braun Strowman attacked them both! On top of that, Strowman used a grappling hook to bring down several tons of steel upon Lesnar and Kane! Kane would slip away into the shadows, but Lesnar needed to be taken away in an ambulance. What further destruction will be wrought on the road to the Royal Rumble?!

 

BRAUN STROWMAN heads to the ring!

The Monster Among Men is in San Antonio, and speaks to the WWE Universe. “I want to tell you all a short story.” It has a happy ending. “A Beast and a Machine met a Monster at the Royal Rumble, and the last one standing, was the Monster Among Men. And he became the new Universal Champion.” Raw General Manager Kurt Angle appears!

And he brings security guards with him. Strowman explains he was telling a story. Angle has his own story to tell, and it doesn’t have a happy ending. Strowman threatened lives and cost thousands of dollars in damage. He tells Angle “It could’ve been a lot worse.” Angle says since he is in charge of every superstar and staff member on Raw, what is he supposed to do if they get caught in the crossfire? Strowman did his job, Angle should do his. But that wasn’t doing his job! Wrestlers settle things in the ring. Strowman does things when he wants, and how he wants. If Strowman wants to tear down Suplex City, he’ll do it. If he wants to kick down the door to Hell, he’ll do it. And if he wants to be Universal Champion, then he will. Then be lucky Kane and Lesnar can still compete. But it won’t be a triple threat anymore. Because Strowman won’t be in it. Angle officially fires Strowman!

Fans are in an uproar over this! Angle takes his leave of the ring, fans tell him “You Suck!” for real, but Strowman storms his way up the ramp. The security guards keep him in line, but what will be the consequences of this termination?

Strowman is fuming backstage.

He glares at the security guards escorting him. “Make me leave!” What will be the state of Raw when we return from break?!

 

Strowman heads for the exit, still fuming.

One guard tells him “You gotta leave!” Strowman snaps and starts beating them all up! They fly into the garage doors, get decked by big right hands, and one poor sap is thrown across the spare tables. “Fire me, I’ll wreck everybody in here!” The Monster Among Men is on a warpath, is there anyone who can stop him!?

 

The Bar VS Titus Worldwide!

The Celtic Gladiator & Swiss Cyborg want to get even with Titus O’Neil & Apollo Crews so that they can keep momentum going into the Raw Tag Team Championship rematch at the Royal Rumble!

The bell rings, young Crews starts with Sheamus. They circle, tie up, Sheamus powers Crews to the Bar’s corner. Tag to Cesaro, the Bar stomps a mudhole into Crews. Cesaro wrenches and tags to Sheamus, double whip and double hip toss but Crews lands on his feet! Crews dropkicks Ceasro, Sheamus whips but Crews goes up and over to handspring and dropkick him. Crews brings Sheamus over, tag to Titus. The Real Deal keeps on Sheamus with a whip and a shoulder tackle, then the barks. Titus gives Sheamus a European Uppercut and an open hand chop. Sheamus kicks back and drives in a knee, tag to Cesaro. Cesaro gives his EuroUppers and chops to Titus, fans troll Sheamus with “You Look Stupid!” The EuroUppers continue, but Titus powers Cesaro back and to a corner for sharp open hand chops! Titus taunts Sheamus before chopping Cesaro more. Cesaro turns it around and returns those chops, but they seem to be firing Titus up. Titus powers Cesaro back again, and gives an extra hard chop. Titus scoops and slams, dares Sheamus to do something, then tags Apollo. Apollo keeps on Cesaro, big scoop slam to a big elbow drop!

Cover, ONE. Crews suplexes Cesaro but Cesaro slips out to tag Sheamus. Apollo keeps moving but gets a cheap shot knee from Sheamus and a EuroUpper from Cesaro. Sheamus climbs up, and hits a flying clothesline! The Bar is fired up while fans boo, we go to break.

Raw returns, and Crews fights out of the Bar’s corner. Crews jumps for a tag but Cesaro catches him. Cesaro puts him back in the corner, tag to Sheamus, backbreaker and Cesaro gives the elbow!

Cover, TWO, so Sheamus wraps on a chinklock. He shifts it to a keylock, Dana rallies the fans. Crews gets to his feet, fights out, but Sheamus shoves him back, enziguri! Both men down, Titus Worldwide rallies the fans. Sheamus tags Cesaro, Crews tags Titus! Titus rallies on Cesaro, then gives hammer fist after hammer fist before a big biel across the ring! The fans bark with TItus, he goes corner to corner for the splash and slam! TWO! Titus keeps on Cesaro, whips but Cesaro kicks away. Tag to Sheamus and The Bar mule kicks Titus together. They bring Titus up, Crews returns and he shovels Cesaro out. Deja vu from last week as Sheamus goes for Brogue and Apollo flips back, but The Bar knew what was coming this time as Cesaro decks Crews. Sheamus kicks Titus and chokes him against the ropes, EuroUpper cheap shot! Roll-up, TWO! Sheamus knocks Titus down, tag to Cesaro. Cesaro brings Titus up, prepares but Titus counters. Cesaro jams a knee while Titus tags and Crews climbs up. He turns around, Crews flies in! Crossbody cover, TWO, right to Moonsault! Sheamus breaks the pin. Titus returns, The Bar throws him out. The Bar Lariat runs Crews over, and they tag and coordinate. Jason Jordan appears?

Titus & Crews use the distraction to shove down Cesaro and roll Sheamus up!! Titus Worldwide wins again!! Seth Rollins comes out to reprimand Jordan but Titus Worldwide celebrates! The Bar is furious, will they get revenge at the Royal Rumble?

 

Strowman storms down the halls, looking for Kurt Angle!

The Monster finds it and kicks in the door! Angle isn’t there, but that only pisses Strowman off more!

Strowman wrecks everything in the room, then storms back out.

Strowman is headed for catering!

Everyone, RUN! Too late, he’s already here. He throws over all the tables, then choke slams Curt Hawkins through the buffet! The man serving cake is stunned, but Strowman spares him to have a big bite of it.

Where will the Monster Among Men go next on his search for vengeance?

 

Enzo Amore & Tony Nese head to the ring.

The Certified G, Bonafide Stud and Cruiserweight Champion are in San Antonio, how you doin’? Braun Strowman IS a Monster Among Men, but so is Enzo! Enzo could be stitched up and taped up like Frankenstein’s Monster, but he’ll still walk out the ring the champion. Wait, if Enzo is Frankenstein, what is Cedric Alexander? Dracula, because he sucks! Alexander got some of Enzo before, but if he wants more, get through “Tony Freakin’ Abs!” Alexander comes out and has his new friend, Goldust!

“Enzo, how dare you compare yourself to the great Boris Karloff. If you were a film, you’d go straight to DVD.” Alexander, on the other hand, is a “box office smash. A blockbuster!” And when Alexander wins at the Royal Rumble, there’ll be one world to describe him: Champion. But Goldust has a word for Enzo, and Alexander delivers it: S A W F T!

Braun Strowman tears up a hallway.

He throws steel chairs at the walls and knocks over fencing. Strowman pushes a dumpster and almost runs over referees! No one and nothing is safe from his wrath.

Cedric Alexander w/ Goldust VS Tony Nese w/ Enzo Amore!

Alexander puts on a headlock, Nese slips out and puts on a wristlock. Alexander rolls and spins then trips Nese up. Things speed up, Nese runs Alexander over with a back elbow. Cover, ONE, so Nese keeps on Alexander with stomps, to Enzo’s liking. Nese brings Alexander up and gives him a forearm, Alexander responds with a chop. Nese knees then whips, Alexander slips over the back and rolls under to handspring headscissor then dropkick Nese down. Fans fire up, Alexander runs corner to corner for a shoulder tackle, but then Nese trips him up on the top rope. Enzo wants Nese to capitalize, Nese gives a top shelf kick, and then a gutbuster drop! Cover, TWO, but Nese stays on Alexander with left hands. Nese taunts Alexander, embraces the heat and shows off the abs while Alexander gets to ropes. They go to the corner, Nese chops and knees, then puts Alexander in a Tree of Woe. The referee counts, Nese lets up so that he can get Full-Contact Cardio. Enzo checks his abs, not on Nese’s level.

Cover, ONE, Nese wrenches Alexander’s neck. Enzo taunts Alexander, promising things will get worse for Alexander. Fans rally, but Nese drops a leg on Alexander, TWO. Nese puts on the neck wrench again, Goldust stalks behind Enzo and scares him off with the “HRAH” before mocking the Enzo Shuffle. Alexander gets up, fights back against Nese, stiff forearm rocks Nes. Nese fires back, Alexander staggers back, corner to corner whip. Alexander dodges, then hits back with an uppercut. Enzo is furious, fans rally, Alexander dropkicks a leg out so Nese hits buckles. Alexander goes tot he apron and kicks Nese’s head back. Fans fire up, step-in complete shot! Alexander kip-up then runs in but is pu ton the apron, right ot the springboard lariat! TWO, Alexander can’t believe it. Goldust keeps fans rallying, Alexander gets up and drags Nese from the ropes. Nese resists, grinding Alexander with the headlock. Nese gives a back elbow but Alexander still tries, Nese slips out. Alexander rolls but Nese sits down, TWO! Nese kicks back, then knee lift, but Alexander blocks and gives back an elbow. ALexander whips but Nese slips under, pumphandle but escape, LUMBAR CHECK!! Alexander wins! And Enzo is upset. Will the Carolina Kid quiet Enzo once and for all to become the new Cruiserweight Champion?

 

Angle finds his office is a wreck.

“Iv’e never seen anything like it.” Strowman is like a wild elephant or something. Angle must call in a SWAT team. A referee lets Angle know Strowman is headed right for the production trucks! That’s $12 MILLION right there! Angle hurries to save the show, and money.

Strowman has arrived in the garage.

And yes, he has found the TV truck. Strowman vows to smash it and take this show off the air! “If I smash this right now, will it shut off all these monitors in here?” Strowman storms into all the rooms and makes a mess of each, intimidating everyone else inside.

He shouts for them to leave, they leave. Strowman storms out, but where did he go? The workers go back to their stations, but wait. Why are the engines starting!? Strowman detached and is driving the truck from the trailer! To then tip it over!? Angle arrives and tells Strowman the police are on their way. However, Angle gets his own call, so Strowman continues to tip the truck over!

And then he roars at Angle before storming off to who knows where. He keeps the security guards from walking too close, he’s headed to ringside!? San Antonio hoops and hollers, they want Strowman to do anythign he wants. So he storms over to the announce table and captures Michael Cole! He lifts Cole and carries him away. ANgle appears and begs Strowman stop. The cops aren’t coming, Stephanie McMahon has rehired Strowman! Strowman is still going to compete at the Royal Rumble! Just spare Michael Cole. Strowman does… NOT! He THROWS Cole at the security guards!

They bowl over like pins, Strowman roars in victory and takes his leave. With Strowman on the path of destruction he is, will Kane and Lesnar even survive?

 

Todd Philips takes Michael Cole’s place on commentary.

“I wish I was here under better circumstances.”

 

Asuka VS Nia Jax!

The Empress of Tomorrow is still undefeated, but the Brutal Beauty of the Irresistible Force wants to change that before the inaugural Women’s Royal Rumble match.

The bell rings and the two circle. Nia rushes but Asuka kicks back and goes for a leg. Nia throws her off but Asuka is right up.

Asuka circles with Nia again but goes after an arm, only to be thrown off again and again. Nia lunges, Asuka gets the waistlock but Nia powers out. Asuka throws hands, Nia shoves her away, Asuka comes back with an attempt at the Octopus Stretch! She gets it, and pulls on that arm. Nia powers out again, but Asuka is right back with kicks. Asuka runs, but into a backbreaker! Asuka gets to a corner, Nia drags her up to throw her across the way. Nia rushes in, Asuka boots Nia back and fires off elbow strikes. Nia blocks a whip to then run Asuka over with a lariat. Fans are thunderous both ways as Nia stalks Asuka. Nia reaches down, armbar surprise from Asuka!

Nia moves and tries to make it a cover, but Asuka holds on tight to bring Nia down. A second wind, and Nia deadlifts and powerbombs Asuka to a corner! Both women recover while we go to break.

Raw returns and Nia has Asuka in a bearhug!

Asuka endures the squeeze, and fights back with elbows. Nia brings her up into the bearhug again, but Asuka slips up and over for a sunset flip. Nia denies it, sits down but misses, sliding enziguri from Asuka! Both women are down again and a ten count begins. They get up and go right at each other again, Asuka giving off back hands and back kicks. Nia lifts Asuka, pops her up, but sunset flip! TWO! Asuka fires herself up and kicks away at Nia’s chest. Nia gets under one kick, lifts Asuka up, POWERBOMB! Nia is too tired to cover, she rests against ropes. Now she covers, TWO! Nia is furious, but she gets up and keeps her eyes on Asuka. She drags Asuka up, Asuka revives and slips around for a victory roll into a KNEEBAR!

Nia endures the hold, crawls for ropes, and gets the ropebreak! Asuka lets go, stands up, but Nia throws her right out of the ring. Nia catches her breath before pursuing. Asuka goes to kick but is blocked and shoved into the apron. Fans are thunderous again while Nia drags Asuka up. Asuka kicks out a leg and Nia falls right on the steel steps! Nia tumbles out, clutches that leg in pain, and the ring count is at 9 when she gets back in. Both women are down, the referee checks on each of them. Nia drags herself up with the ropes, but she can barely walk. She doesn’t want to give up, but the referee has to call it. Fans are displeased, but Asuka still wins. Alexa Bliss comes out to check on her best friend while Asuka takes her leave. The Empress’ streak continues, but can Nia even compete in the Women’s Rumble at this rate?

 

Kurt Angle sorts through the wreckage of his office.

Jason Jordan comes in, and thanks Angle for having faith in his Gold-Blooded Son.

Angle says “You’re welcome”, but he’s not in a very happy mood. Jordan saw what happened, and says he’d been keeping close to Angle to make sure Strowman didn’t do anything to him. Angle apologizes for not realizing Jordan was there. Jordan knows, and “on behalf of my partner, Seth Rollins”, they’re ready for the Royal Rumble. As for tonight, Jordan wants to help Seth Rollins make up for his loss last week. Maybe a match would help him stay sharp, and Jordan has an idea on the opponent: Finn Balor! Good idea. Let Rollins know, because that match is happening.

 

WWE celebrates Martin Luther King Jr’s birthday.

“LONG LIVE THE DREAM”. Ten bells and a moment of silence for the man whose dream changed America.

 

Alexa Bliss helps Nia Jax with her leg.

The Goddess and Raw Women’s Champion also apologizes for roping Nia into a fight with Asuka. Alexa never thought this would happen! Maybe Alexa was wrong. Enzo Amore comes in.

Is she okay? Yes. Is his ankle okay? Yeah, he’s okay. Alexa says she’s got this, but Enzo says he’s got this, and Nia chooses Enzo. Alexa leaves, the Certified G feels bad Nia got hurt, too. Is this budding romance blooming before our very eyes?

 

The Revival VS Solow & Starks!

Scott Dawson & Dash Wilder look to bring things back to a time of tag team wrestling where it was #NoFlipsJustFists! As such, the bell rings and Dawson throws those fists onto Solow in a corner. He brings Solow up and kicks away before hitting a snap suplex, then a stiff lariat.

Dawson drags Solow over and tags Dash, big flying knee! Dash stays focused, and dares Solow to tag Starsk, who Dash goes right after anyway. Fireman’s carry to a flipping backbreaker, Dash then tags Dawson, the assisted gordbuster onto Starks! Dawson stalks Starks and slaps Solow! Tag to Dash, Dawson throws Starks into Solow before hitting a Shatter Machine! The Revival wins, SAY YEAH!

In-ring interview with Charly Caruso.

Is she sure she wants to do this? Think about it. She’s giving a live mick to these two on live television. “What you just witnessed is tag team excellence.” That has been missing, because people want to go play video games or see what social media is doing. Not these two. They are “students of this game.” All Dash & Dawson want to do is master holds and win matches. In which case, which old school legends are they most excited to meet at #Raw25? The New Age Outlaws? Shawn Michaels? Stone Cold Steve Austin? “Those guys?” There is nothing cool about beer baths and crotch chops. The Revival aren’t sports entertainers, they’re pro-wrestlers! They’re as real as it gets, and WWE knows it. The WWE doesn’t want Revival to succeed, because they can’t control The Revival. There will be all sorts of stars and celebs from around the world at Raw 25th Anniversary, but this is The Revival’s Universe. They will set the tone for Raw for the next 25 years!

 

“Ladies and Gentlemen: Elias.”

The Drifter has made it to San Antonio, not that anyone in San Antonio wants him. Even so, he still asks “Who Wants to Walk with Elias?!” He wishes Michael Cole well, but he’s here for two other reasons. First: to teach the WWE Universe a lesson, that will better us all for it; WWE stands for “Walk With Elias!” And don’t you forget it. Second: the Royal Rumble is coming, and with many superstars involved such as Shinsuke Nakamura, Finn Balor or Randy Orton, Elias is more concerned with a certain someone and he has a song for them. “Talked to my father, told him I hope Cena comes my way. I’ve got retribution for him, for what he did on Christmas Day. I’ll eliminate John Cena, I’ll throw him to the floor, Drown his sorrows, with 28 more.” Unlike the Spurs, who are destined to fail. The fans really hate that line. Well it’s not like the Spurs can do anything to him. And, then Elias gives a musical introduction The Miz and his Miztourage!

2-on-1 Handicap Match: The Miztourage w/ The Miz VS Roman Reigns!

The Hollywood A-Lister gets his rematch for the Intercontinental Championship at the 25th Anniversary show, but he’s going to have Bo Dallas & Curt Axel to soften up The Big Dog as much as they can before then. Before that, however, The Miz wishes to speak. He returned to Raw after a six week absence, and fans welcomed him back. That felt awesome, but it was only six weeks. The reason why fans welcomed him is because they could tell The Miz was the spark missing from Raw. The Miz got his rematch, then laid waste to Roman Reigns, and it all felt awesome. It was one of those “unforgettable moments” that makes Raw so great, but those kind of moments are what The Miz does. That’s why USA Network gave The Miz & Maryse their own show! Miz will over-deliver a moment that will last for 25 years, “the title is mine!” The Miz made it prestigious, relevant, and it will be his again! “And that’s gonna feel awesome.”

Roman Reigns appears, and he wants at The Miz right now, but must settle for the sidekicks. The bell rings and the match finally begins. The Miz tries to distract, but Roman is ready for the cheap shot from Axel, Roman decks Axel with an uppercut. Then Roman gives one to Bo! The Miz backs off, Roman pursues anyway. The referee keeps Roman back, Bo comes up but Roman knocks him back down. Miz tries but is backed off, so Axel clobbers Roman from behind. The Miztourage get Roman up and throw him into steel steps. Miz trash talks while the Miztourage gets Roman up and in the ring,. Axel covers, TWO, another try, TWO again. Axel puts Roman in the corner and stomps away, tag to Bo, and now BO stomps away. Fans are thunderous both ways for Roman, tag to Axel and Axel keeps up the mudhole. Tag to Bo, Bo stomps a mudhole, then they embrace the heat. Bo drags Roman up for a big lariat, cover, TWO. Bo wraps a chinlock on Roman, Miz likes what he sees. Roman endures, Axel says it’s done already. Fans keep up the noise both ways, Roman wills himself back up. Bo gives Roman knees, then goes to suplex, but Roman blocks. Roman turns things around and tries to suplex Bo to the apron. Axel bails Bo out, Bo drives Roman down with DDT! TWO, The Miz is still confident in his Miztourage. Bo stands up, drags Roman around, but then Roman resists. Fans keep dueling while Bo reaches for a tag, Roman pulls Bo away so Bo gives him a forearm. Roman gives one back, Bo gives one, Roman backs him down with forearms. Axel tags in, he clobbers Roman with forearms, then whips. Roman reverses, Samoan Drop!

Both men are down, Bo gets back on the apron, but Axel is on the far side. Axel runs but Roman blocks him, to bring him back into the open corner! Axel boots Roman away, then walks for Bo, Roman just takes out Bo! Roman has Axel all alone, and he knwos it. He starts rallying on Axel with clotheslines, then a whip to the jumping lariat. Fans cheer and jeer, Roman gives those close-range clotheslines in a corner. Bo comes in, gets a back elbow, then a big kick! Roman throws Axel into Bo, boot-powered DDT on Axel! Fans are thunderous again, Roman locks and loads. Miz distracts again, Bo comes in but is clothesline’d out. Axel is up, SUPERMAN PUNCH brings him down! Roman goes outside again, builds speed, and jumps for a SUPERMAN PUNCH onto Bo!

Miz runs, Roman has him! They go in but Miz slides out, Axel capitalizes with a roll-up! TWO!? SPEAR! Roman wins! The Big Dog defends his Yard against two opponents, does the Miz stand a chance when it’s just 1v1?

 

Sasha Banks w/ Bayley & Mickie James VS Sonya Deville w/ Paige & Mandy Rose!

The Legit Boss has her good friends ringside to make sure the Glampire and Golden Rose don’t interfere with her match against the Gladiator. Who will get a step ahead this close to the inaugural Women’s Royal Rumble match?

The bell rings, the two circle, Sonya gets the waistlock throw. She dares Sasha to get up again, she does, Sasha gets the crossface! Sonya gets out of it quick, now Sasha dares her to come back. Mandy distracts, Sonya is upon Sasha with shoulders in a corner! Sasha elbows back, whips Sonya but is reversed. Sasha goes up but Sonya drives in knees and body shots, a big knee onto Sasha’s head. Cover, TWO, but Sonya isn’t deterred. She puts on the body scissors, then grinds a forearm on Sasha’s face. Paige declares “This is OUR House!” but fans rally for The Boss. Sasha gets up, and backpack rams Sonya into buckles before throwing her off. Sasha throws hands, then forearms, runs and into a tilt-o-whirl headscissors. She dropkicks Sonya down, Sonya ends up in a corner. Sasha runs in with double knees and then again, she climbs up but Sonya is ready to roundhouse her out of the sky! Cover, Sonya WINS! The Gladiator shocks The Boss, can she and Absolution shock the world at the Rumble?

 

Jason Jordan checks in with Seth Rollins backstage.

Is The Architect ready? Always, but they need to talk. They’ve discussed it before, but Jordan steps out of line and that comes down on Rollins. Jordan just wants Rollins to have a chance to redeem himself. If Rollins wants, they can undo the match. No, that’s not Rollins’ point. Rollins wants to settle things with Finn, but he wants Jordan to understand they’re teammates. Jordan doesn’t speak for Rollins, okay? It’s not about what Jordan did, but how he did it. Jordan understands, and lets Rollins finish preparing.

 

WOKEN Matt Hardy VS Heath Slater w/ Rhyno!

The WOKEN WISDOM vows to DELETE all put before him in the squared circle, will he succeed once more in battle?

Slater gets a headlock, then slips to a wristlock. Hardy hits back and hits hard, “Fight me!” Hardy puts on a DELETE headlock, Slater powers out, Hardy just falls on Slater and hammers away. Slater scrambles to ropes, the ref backs Hardy off but Hardy drags Slater back, apron skirt with him. Slater scrambles out the other side now, but Hardy is still on him with haymakers. The referee backs Hardy off, Hardy laughs in Slater’s face. Slater tries to escape but Hardy pursues, and haymakers Slater out of the ring. Rhyno regroups with Slater, wanting him to toughen up. Slater isn’t so sure, but #YouCanDoItSlater! Slater gets in the ring with Hardy and kicks low. He hammers away on Hardy now, then stomps away. The fans hoop and holler with Rhyno while Slater drives elbows into Hardy’s shoulder. Hardy bites Slater’s hand! They separate, Hardy rocks Slater with a haymaker, then a German Suplex into buckles! Hardy keeps hammering away, then runs in for a clothesline and Side Effect! Cover, TWO! Hardy vows to DELETE DELETE DELETE as he bumps Slater’s head off the buckles.

Then, neckbreaker! Hardy isn’t over, he DELETE DELETE DELETE Twist of Fate! WOKEN Hardy wins! When will the Great War finally flow over into our reality?

 

WWE’s Hall of Fame 2018 class begins with: GOLDBERG!

From “out of obscurity” into WCW, and then from WCW to WWE. From Undefeated World Heavyweight Champion to split-second Universal Champion. And now, he shall be truly immortalized in WWE’s own HoF!

 

Finn Balor w/ The Club VS Seth Rollins w/ Jason Jordan!

A rematch from the inaugural Universal Championship match, will the Architect or the Extraordinary Man gain ground on the Road to the Royal Rumble?

The bell rings, and fans chant “Too Sweet! Woop woop!” Rollins gets the headlock, Finn tries to power out but Rollins holds on. Finn tries again and succeeds, things speed up and Finn hits a couple arm-drags to bring Rollins to the mat. Rollins gets up and puts Finn on ropes, then arm-drags Finn in return before running him over with forearms. Rollins kicks Finn while he’s down, then brings him up for chops. Finn gets to a corner, Rollins throws hands and stomps. He stops at 4 and tauntingly puts up Too Sweet, which Jordan likes. Rollins snapmares and puts Finn in a chinlock. Finn gets up, Rollins knees low then whips, Finn reverses, sunset flip rolled through, dropkick! He clotheslines Rollins out, goes to the apron, Penalty Kick!

Jordan coaches Rollins up and the Club regroups while we go to break.

Raw returns to Finn working over Rollins’ leg in a corner. Rollins fights out, Finn comes back in but takes the boot, Rollins hops up for the flying blockbuster!

The Architect has to clutch his bad leg, though, but he still uses the good one to drive Finn out of the ring. Rollins takes aim, builds speed, and DIVES to send Finn into barriers! Jordan coaches him up, Rollins gets moving despite the bad leg. The Good Brothers coach Finn but Rollins puts him in the ring, then hobbles over for a one-legged neckbreaker. Cover, TWO, so Rollins puts Finn in a cravat to go after the neck. Finn endures, gets to his feet, Rollins knees low and gives a running ax handle. Fans duel, Rollins gets up and stalks Finn. He drives in another ax handle to Finn’s neck, but Finn fires back with forearms. Rollins hits back and suplexes but Finn slips out to a standing switch, Rollins elbows him away. Finn gets to a corner, Rollins runs over but Finn boots him away now. Finn rallies with forearms, then takedown to double stomps! Rollins rolls to ropes while Finn checks his chin. Finn fires up while Rollins stands up, running chop in the corner. Corner to corner whip, but reversed, Finn goes up and over. Finn runs back at Rollins but Rollins boots him back, Finn PELES Rollins out of the blockbuster. Finn grabs Rollins in the dragon sleeper, for the elbow drop! TWO, and The Balor Club can’t believe it. Jordan coaches Rollins on some more, even as he and Finn slowly get up. Finn takes aim, slingblade reversed into Rollins’ slingblade!

TWO, and Finn gets to where the Good Brothers stand. Finn stands up, Rollins runs in and hits the forearm smash. Rollins keeps going, another forearm. Finn denies the third time with HIS Slingblade! He runs out again, but into a SUPERKICK! TWO, and everyone is tense. The fans chant “Too Sweet! Woop woop!” while both men stir. Rollins is on Finn, Finn elbows out and chops back. Finn throws hands, Rollins ducks, ripcord, but Finn forearms Rollins back. Rollins with the PELE outta nowhere! Both men are down, fans are fired up. Rollins gets himself up, and on one leg, PHOENIX– no, Finn evades and Rollins rolls through. Finn blasts Rollins with the dropkick! He keeps going, getting to the top rope. Rollins springs up, SUPERPLEX and roll through for Falcon Arrow! TWO! San Antonio declares “This is Awesome” while Rollins climbs up again. He takes aim, FROG SPLASH into knees! TWO!? No one can believe that was it, it looked close. But here comes The Bar!

Sheamus & Cesaro storm down to the ring and Jordan ends up cornered between them and The Good Brothers. He ducks out, the other four fight! Finn FLIES onto them all! He returns into the ring, Rollins gets a swing kick form him, and Finn climbs up! Fans fire up, Coup De Grace– no, Rollins evades this time and Finn rolls through. Cesaro gets on the apron, Finn knocks him off, and Rollins takes a swing. Finn ducks it and runs, but Jordan trips him up! Rollins hits the CURB STOMP! Rollins wins! Jordan goes in to celebrate with him, can these two work as a team to keep those Raw Tag Team Championships?

The Balor Club regroups in the ring, helping their leader to his feet.

Finn seems worse for wear after taking Rollins’ Black Out Curb Stomp. Controversy aside, can Finn recover and be ready for the Royal Rumble?

 

My Thoughts:

A wild but entertaining Raw here tonight. Braun Strowman was probably the best part of this night, and will be the best thing this entire week in WWE. From him getting fired to wreaking havoc so heinous he was rehired in roughly an hour, nothing can beat The Monster Among Men. I’m glad Alexander VS Nese wasn’t just a repeat of everything from last week’s 205 Live, it was pretty fast and crazy by the end and of course Alexander goes over again to keep himself strong going towards his match with Enzo. That match can still go either way depending on what The ‘Zo Train does, but it’s feeling like Alexander’s time. Asuka VS Nia Jax was very competitive, and the referee decision type finish was a surprise, but also a good way of keeping things uncertain between the two. And they were able to cleverly tie it into Nia’s story with Enzo. Sonya VS Sasha ended oddly fast, but that feeds into her MMA style gimmick a bit better, since many a time, MMA matches end out of nowhere.

Raw also seems to be building its Tag Team Division again by having Titus O’Neil look strong while Jordan still screws The Bar over. It is too late to really say they can shove Titus Worldwide into the Royal Rumble Raw Tag Team Championship, but on the Road to Wrestlemania, Titus Worldwide can use these wins as selling points towards challenging whoever comes out the champions. The Revival is staying strong, but mostly against jobbers, and I fear they’re approaching Ascension levels of “pride before the burial”. Their promo about being real wrestlers gives me hope, but I also hope they don’t try and get into fights with “old school” tag teams the same way Ascension did. One team that won’t be near the titles is The Miztourage after Roman finds a way to overcome odds and defeat them. There’s still a chance Miz takes the Intercontinental title from him at Raw 25th Anniversary, but Roman himself could be building a lot of momentum towards something more. Slater & Rhyno also aren’t looking good after losing to Strowman one week and WOKEN Hardy this week. The Balor Club’s Good Brothers are still good as they took the brawl to The Bar. Finn Balor VS Seth Rollins was a really great choice for an “impromptu” main event, it was solid stuff. But I’m not sure which is bigger: ref botch or return of the stomp? The Balor Club could find a way to use that as to why they should challenge for those tag titles next and in a New Day/Free Birds rule kind of way. That aside, it also shows that–while dirty–Jordan helping Rollins is a show of them becoming a proper team.

My Score: 8.5/10


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Mitchell’s WWE SmackDown Results & Report! (4/19/24)

Prepare for Backlash!

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Did you know that challenger in French is still “challenger?”

In a WrestleMania rematch, AJ Styles takes on LA Knight in a #1 contender’s match, to challenge WWE Champion Cody Rhodes at Backlash in France!

OFFICIAL RESULTS

  • Undisputed WWE Championship #1 Contender’s match: AJ Styles VS LA Knight; Styles wins and will challenge Cody Rhodes for the title at Backlash.
  • SmackDown/WWE Tag Team Championships #1 Contenders Fatal 4 Way: The Street Profits VS New Catch Republic VS The Authors of Pain VS The LWO; win(s) and will challenge A-Town Down Under.
  • WWE Women’s Championship: Bayley VS Naomi; wins and

PLAY BY PLAY

Undisputed WWE Championship #1 Contender’s match: AJ Styles VS LA Knight!

After fighting their way through Triple Threats, the Phenomenal One and the Mega Star meet again, YEAH! It’s a WrestleMania Rematch, the winner moving on to Backlash, YEAH! Will AJ Styles avenge his loss at the biggest WrestleMania ever? Or will everyone from here to France know whose game it is?

The bell rings and the two step to each other. The fans in Pittsburgh “YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!” and Knight lets Styles know it. Styles snarls, they tie up, and they go around. Knight puts Styles in a corner, the ref counts, but Knight lets off slowly. Styles kicks low! The fans boo but Styles headlocks. Knight pulls hair, throws body shots, then headlocks in return. Styles pushes Knight to ropes, powers up and out, then hurdles, drops and DROP- NO, Knight avoids the dropkick to BOOT, and LARIAT! Knight then TOSSES Styles out of the ring, storms out after him, and brings him to commentary. Knight SMACKS Styles off the desk! And again! And again!

The fans chant “YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!” with every SMACK, then Knight tops it off with one last SMACK! Knight drags Styles up and into the ring, storms in, but Styles KICKS Knight in the ropes! Styles reels Knight in, but Knight back drops Styles up and out! Styles flounders on the floor, Knight runs to WRECK him with a dropkick! Styles hits desk again and Steel City is loving “L! A! KNIGHT, YEAH!” as SmackDown goes to break.

SmackDown returns and Styles soaks up the heat as he taunts Knight. Styles brings Knight up, but Knight fires haymakers! “YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!” Knight backs Styles down, whips, but Styles ducks ‘n dodges! Knight ducks ‘n’ dodges, then DOUBLE CROSSBODIES collide! Both men are down and the fans fire up. Both men slowly sit up, crawl around, and then stand. Styles fires a shot, but Knight gives it back! The haymakers go back and forth, “YEAH! BOO! YEAH!” Styles staggers but he still ROCKS Knight! Knight ROCKS Styles again and again, but Styles throat chops! Styles fires off the Phenomenal Blitz, but Knight ducks the lariat!

Knight JABS, JABS, JABS, and DECKS Styles! Knight stomps a mudhole in at the corner, “YEAH!” Knight then runs corner to corner to KNEE Styles down! The fans fire up, Knight puts Styles up, and Knight ROCKS Styles. Knight climbs, but Styles ROCKS him back! Knight staggers away, but returns to spring right up! SUPER DUPER PLEX! Cover, TWO!! Styles survives that crash but both men are down again. The fans rally as Knight rises, and he brings Styles around. Knight reels Styles in, suplexes, but Styles slips free! Styles goes to a corner, ELBOWS Knight away, then goes up to QUEBRADA DDT! Cover, TWO!

The fans fire up as Knight stays in this and Styles starts losing his cool. The fans rally for Knight but Styles looms over him. Styles brings Knight up and in, but Knight RAMS him into a corner! Knight then scoops Styles, but Styles slips free to roll up, TWO!! Knight escapes, swings, but Styles dodges to PELE! Knight ends up in a corner, Styles runs in, but Knight puts Styles on the apron! Styles ROCKS Knight, springboards, but Knight gets under! Styles comes back, into a scoop and POWERSLAM! Then JUMP ELBOW DROP! The fans fire up with with Knight as he storms around. Styles rises, Knight winds up, B F- NO, Styles bails out!

The fans boo but Knight storms over. Knight drags Styles up but Styles HOTSHOTS him! And pokes him in the eyes! Then ROCKS him! And springboards, to PHENOMENAL FOREARM!! Cover, Styles wins!

Winner: AJ Styles, by pinfall (NEW #1 Contender to the Undisputed WWE Championship)

Styles bent the rules, but a win is a win! He will get his shot at the American Nightmare in Lyon, France, will this year’s Backlash be phenomenal?

 

The Bloodline arrives backstage.

The car pulls up, Solo Sikoa steps out in a suit, and Paul Heyman is there to greet him. Nice threads, Solo. Tama Tonga walks over and Solo says meet the newest member of The Bloodline, Solo’s MFT. The Wise Man is stunned. But Solo cuts him off to ask if Kevin Owens is here. Heyman hesitates and Solo asks again, is Kevin here? If he is, he’s probably already in the locker room. Then take them to him. Heyman obeys and leads on. There have already been changes to the chain of command, is there about to be a change to the landscape of SmackDown, too?

 

 


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Andrew’s TNA iMPACT! Results & Match Ratings: 4.18.2024

Motor City Machine Guns either go out on their backs, or head to Rebellion as champs! Lets see how they finish their current run in TNA!

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No burying the lead here! The Main Event is The System versus Motor City Machine Guns, and it’s the Go Home episode before Rebellion! So we’re guaranteed a damn good tag match, and we should get either new wrinkles, or ways to keep the storylines cooking going into the Pay-per-View.

With all the rumors and innuendo about the Guns being on their way out, I think we all assume that MCMG is losing, but my inner fanboy is still excited.

Ratings:

  • Little Guido w/New FBI vs Hammerstone: Hammerstone wins via Torture Rack – SQUASH
  • LSG vs Joe Hendry: Hendry wins via Standing Ovation – SQUASH
  • Mustafa Ali & GYV vs Cody Deaner, Jake Something & Rhyno: Ali wins via 450 Splash – ** 3/4
  • Rosemary w/Havok vs Jody Threat w/Dani Luna: Rosemary wins via Spear – ***
  • Motor City Machine Guns (Chris Sabin & Alex Shelley) vs The System (Eddie Edwards & Brian Myers) w/Alisha Edwards: System wins via Roster Cut + Knee Party – *** 1/4

 

Results:

So we kick off the match with Josh coming out to commentary again to watch Hammerstone’s match. They really need a new way to try and keep heat without reusing the same tired gimmick of “ring side seat” to a Squash match.

Little Guido w/New FBI vs Hammerstone

Guido tries to shoot the half, but Hammerstone shrugs him off, lifts him like a child and runs him into a corner, few short shots and then just tosses him across the ring. Hammer gets a little distracted talking smack to Josh and eats a foot, but then tosses Guido with the ole Sack of Shit move and keeps working over Guido.

Hammer shoves Clayton, and provokes him to push him back right in front of the referee. She ejects them, Guido tries to take advantage but when he goes for the pinfall Hammer kicks out immediately and presses Guido out of thing through the ropes. Continues to dog walk Guido, puts the head gear on the ECW Original and then Torture Racks him while staring directly at Josh, and of course picks up the submission victory.

LSG vs Joe Hendry

Hendry cuts a little promo, mentioning the Fat Uncle Phil joke…something about shopping at the TOP Dollar Store. Solid mic work.

LSG is a damn good local talent, he’s been seen in ROH and AEW in the past (perhaps others, but that’s what comes to mind immediately for me), but we all know this is an enhancement match. A few nice chain wrestling spots early, but Hendry uses his power to stop the smaller wrestler, Sack of Shit into Standing Ovation and the match is over quickly.

Mustafa Ali & GYV vs Cody Deaner, Jake Something & Rhyno

Well okay, having Deaner ask the crowd if they wanted a 3v2 or their third member…RHYNO…is pretty much a no brainer in Philly. But at least the gimmick isn’t quite as cringe as I expected.

Jake starts with Zack Gibson and throws him around. Jake goes for the tag and Deaner asks the crowd who Jake should tag, and the crowd picks Rhyno. Rhyno Whips Gibson into a corner, Drake actually softens the impact, allowing Gibson to fire back, tag out, but Rhyno levels both GYV members and then even knocks Ali off the apron. Rhyno tries to call to the crowd to tag in Deaner and that goes over like a fart in church. He tags him in anyway, and the crowd is kinda dead and doing whatever it wants after the obvious ECW chants when Rhyno tagged in.

GYV take a couple lumps but they of course start to work over Deaner and capture some momentum. Solid tandem work from GYV, they cut off Deaner from making a tag and goad Jake a little to cause the ref to block off the babyfaces so the heels can take a few shortcuts. Cody eventually makes the tag to Rhyno, hot tag, he tries to set up the Gore but the GYV manage to stop him in his tracks and hit an Enzuigiri to daze the Man Beast, he falls to his corner and Jake tags himself in. Jake literally runs them all over, tags in Cody and Launches him from the Top Rope into Zack Gibson. Ali makes the save and Jake tries to get his hands on Ali, but the GYV keep throwing themselves at him, literally. The triple team finally gets the best of Jake, they hit 3 Dives and then post Jake, so they gather around Cody like hyenas.

They forgot about Rhyno, he’s set up for a Gore, he Gores Drake, Gibson and Ali take out Rhyno, but then Cody starts to fight back. Ali stops Deaner’s offense with an Avalanche Sunset Bomb, then hits his 450 Splash. Jake barely misses being able to break up the pin.

Rosemary w/Havok vs Jody Threat w/Dani Luna

Jody tries to start quickly with Shoulder Tackles, Lariats and Scoop Slams, and it does seem somewhat effective. Rosemary is having trouble finding offense against the intensity, but she keeps kicking out. Shotgun Dropkick finally gives Rosemary an opening, she goes into full mount and rains down strikes. Rosemary shoves Jody into a corner and Bites her in the corner. Jody tries to fight out, they go across and Rosemary catches her with the legs and puts her in the Upside Down. Splash in the corner from Rosemary, Exploder Suplex and Jody is eating a lot of offense.

Rosemary looks like she’s caught after she gets tripped up into the ropes and Jody goes for her Rope Knee into the German, but Rosemary dodges. Rosemary hits her own suplex and pulls out a beautiful Last Chancery! I haven’t seen her do that in a long time. Jody manages to fight to the ropes, Rosemary is a little slow to capitalize and eats a Pump Kick. Rosemary goes flying into the ropes, Jody hits the Double Knees into the German this time for 2, and they trade a few haymakers after that. Jody folds Rosemary with a low Lariat, Zombie rise spot a few times, Jody goes for a pinfall and Rosemary kicks out.

Havok jumps up on the apron, Dani meets her and they decide to step down, but the distraction was enough. Jody turns around and eats a Spear. Rosemary wins!

Motor City Machine Guns (Chris Sabin & Alex Shelley) vs The System (Eddie Edwards & Brian Myers) w/Alisha Edwards

Eddie and Shelley start off, and its a very simple slow start. Mostly an early stalemate, the typical Japanese style the TNA seem to love to employ. Starters tag out, but then Shelley with the blind tag, Sabin Baseball Slides out, picks Eddie’s ankle and sends his face bouncing off the apron, while Shelley sneaks up being Myers and they hit a tandem move before we cut to commercial. Off of the commercial it looks like Eddie and Myers regained control. But a nice Jawbreaker from Shelley sends Eddie falling back into the MCMG corner. Dragon Screws to both legs from Sabin and Shelley, and we get the Dragon Screw dissection spot for the Guns.

Myers gets sick of things, tries to get involved, but Simultaneous Figure Fours from the MCMG makes The System look silly. Alisha does the classic “push the rope forward” gimmick to assist Eddie in breaking the hold. She keeps chirping at Shelley until she finally grabs his foot. Shelley doesn’t take kindly, tries to grab her by the hair but she gets away, Shelley eats a strike and falls back to the ropes so Lish can just throttle him with the rope, Sabin walks over and acts like he’s going to PK her and the look of disgust on her face is hilarious, like “how dare he threaten to kick her”. Would I be mad is Masha decides to team with Lish and they win the Knockouts Tag titles? No, because the Knockouts Tags are trash. But I still prefer Lish as valet/manager.

Shelley starts fighting back after another commercial break, Eddie tries to cut him off, but Sabin clocks Eddie and Shelley manages to make the tag and Sabin comes in. Lights up both System members, Kick off Tornado DDT, into a Running Gamengiri. Eddie tries to counter but Shelley assists, tandem strikes, Double Baseball Slide into the classic MCMG spot 5 Hole Dive! Keeping up with the classics Shelley stacks the System members on each other and hit the Missile Dropkick/Flatliner spot. As the Guns are rolling, Sabin accidentally catches Sabin with his foot and The System take control! They hit their pieces of the System Overload spot, but Sabin kicks out. Roster Cut attempt from Myers, but Shelley is back. High Speed Dirt, Machine Gun Sandwich, but Lish grabs Shelley’s foot when they’re setting up Skull and Bones. Shelley gets dropped on the turnbuckle and thrown out, Sabin eats the Roster Cut followed up with Boston Knee Party and System retains!

Its a little weird to have had the two commercial cuts and the fact there’s still Nic Nemeth to follow. So it feels a little flat, I hope this wasn’t their swan song match, because it was nice to see some classic spots, but it was entirely too abbreviated. 

Nemeth comes out, goes into the crowd and finds a kid with a kendo stick and borrows a beer from someone, so he does a bit of a Sandman tribute. Moose cuts off his promo basically immediately. He throws out the “can’t beat the system” line again, and Nic rolls with the punches well. Moose uses a few cute analogies about Nic having a failure laden past, but Nemeth bites back and its really damn good. He says he can see it in Moose’s eyes that he thinks he’s getting in the ring with Dolph Ziggler, but no, there is no more old Dolph Ziggler, just the new Nic Nemeth. And Moose’s cool seems to be slightly shaken after those words. Good promo.

Overall Score: 6.5/10

So this was okay, if it didn’t end as strongly as it did, I would’ve rated this much lower. Two squash matches in the beginning, reusing the Josh comes out to the announce table to watch trope is boring, hell even Clayton’s shove to Hammerstone was super lame looking. The Deaner match was luke warm at best, but things picked up around the Rosemary match.

Lets also not overlook the segments with ASH & Xia, Jonathan Gresham’s whole deal and EY having to return to the violence/sickness/world class maniac, whatever you want to call it, were all great building blocks. This definitely wasn’t what I would call a strong Go Home, but it didn’t hurt things for Rebellion. The whole injury of Cardona was addressed, which honestly sounded weird since Jordynne basically said she was expecting them to have a backup plan so she has a backup plan. I don’t really like how that video package came across.

But who knows, all I know is, this wasn’t an awful episode, it just wasn’t really strong either.  Here’s to hoping Rebellion Saturday is still strong.


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