Cheap Shots are unfiltered, uncensored opinions, and those opinions reflect only the author!
Mad Man with a twitchy flyby of last night’s Impact Crossroads. Sorry to disappoint everyone. There was no need to bring my partners. Very little comedy if any. Funny how the art form is better when middle school stupidity is taken out. No room for it. A handful of Gold was on the line in four matches and the other match on the card was projected to be a major beatdown. Wheels up, let’s fly.
First up. Tag-Team Gold. Konnan has been in the game long enough to know talent when he sees it. This version of LAX is no different. Trevor Lee and Caleb Connelly knew they were up against it when the match was made. In trouble, the country cruiserweights had two choices. They didn’t run. Physicality started long before the bell rang. Lee and Connelly fought hard. jumping Konnan’s crew outside the ring. It took ten minutes for the teams to enter the ring. Double-teams were prevalent on both sides. LAX went for a Street Sweeper quickly upon gaining the advantage. However, Lee grabbed his adversary’s leg and tried to pull him off the turnbuckle. Konnan yanked Lee from the apron, allowing his boys to complete The Street Sweeper for the finish. LAX retains The Gold. I wonder who will be next in line with OVE “currently” indisposed?
Time for The X Division to take center stage in a Gold for Gold showdown featuring Ishimori (X Division) taking on Matt Sydal (Impact Grand Champion). Both put on a great match. The Rising Sun Viking comes across as a special athlete, capable of rivaling or surpassing the move set of Liger. I do not make comparisons lightly. In the ring, Sydal channels Kidman regularly. Brilliant movement throughout; including Ishimori’s variation of a Tombstone, which I had never seen before. If there is a problem with athletes like this, it is that 75% of the high spots look like they should finish a match. Ishimori seems to be more physical but Sydal claims Dual Gold with a 450 splash, fantastic match!
Lunchtime recess with Knockouts Gold on the line. The Walking Easter Egg taking on The Lunatic Lush, Allie is less distracted than in the past. This is my first look at Laurel Van Ness as a competitor. Neither athlete is afraid to start the fight as Allie meets the champ in the aisle. Laurel takes most of the advantage when both are in the ring, until Allie catches an attempted boot from Laurel, and flips her out of the ring. The Lush rushes Allie back-first into the apron. Both ladies had an adventure with a steel chair before Allie takes an unprettier on the floor. Van Ness rolls into the ring attempting to take a count out win. Allie rolls in the ring at a count of nine. The Easter Egg avoids a pin by grabbing the bottom rope. Laurel finally lives up to her appearance and loses her mind. She grabs The Gold, takes a swing, and misses. Allie gives her A Death Valley Driver to get the win and take The Knockouts Gold.
Next is a not -so-simple fight between Lashley and OVE and Sami Callahan. Eddie Edwards was supposed to tag with Walking Armageddon. Due to a very sketchy shot from Callahan’s baseball bat, Edwards is in recovery. As a result of Lashey’s strength, it was an even fight early. Numbers caught up with him soon though, including the bat. The MMA athlete was in trouble. Wait, Brian Cage? Why? The Plebe tags himself in and destroys The Brothers Crist to help Lashley get the win! He tried, but Cage would not shake Lashley’s hand afterward.
Alright, I’ve been in a holding pattern regarding criticism of this show. Sad part is, I shouldn’t be disappointed with this match, especially given its participants. However, because this was Impact, there was disappointment. This wasn’t Hogan/Andre, Hogan/Warrior, Steamboat/Flair, not even Joe/Angle. It could have been, but Anthem and Impact made what could’ve been the biggest match outside of New York in a decade feel like a typical house show match. Johnny and Aries have held multiple championships around the world and I felt no emotional connection to this match. There was no build. Maybe it’s the way the indies can come across. This should’ve been Crawford/Pacquiao and it wasn’t. By the New Guy formula, Aries won the match, but the wasn’t a “You gotta see this!” moment. Morrison and Aries are fabulous physical performers. They can do more and deserve a better stage. That stage isn’t necessarily New York. Triple A or CMLL could make this confrontation the next Super Bowl of the art form; and I haven’t seen anything from either promotion. My apologies for the soapbox moment. Hopefully, our next flight has a smoother landing
MadMan: She’s Handing Out Blues Better Than A Namesake Will
Madman decided to follow his blue dragon back towards the titans! Let’s see what black magic he weaves in this edition.
Madman decided to follow his blue dragon back towards the titans! Let’s see what black magic he weaves in this edition.
I may not be in regular rotation, but when they give me a chair, I swing for my fences. As a decades-long consumer of the art, I don’t have many left. The only Home Runs WWE has placed within my scope, can be found in Women’s Division on both Monday Night Raw & SmackDown Live.
The year I began watching wrestling, some very interesting circumstances took place surrounding cable television. WTBS; (Atlanta), WAS the home of The NWA’s Jim Crockett Promotions. At least until “Black Saturday,” which ultimately saw Vinnie Jr. Hijack the famous 6:05 time slot. This nearly cause riots among cable viewers opposed to McMahon’s product and presentation.
Though the million dollar ransom The Crocketts paid to get their flagship spot back on the dial gave the head of Titan Sports the backbone to finance WrestleMania, which helped to wreck most of the territories. Hell, it can be argued somewhat convincingly upon its 30th Anniversary, Vince himself ruined his biggest display’s pristine intentions for two consecutive years with Lesnar beating the streak instead of Bray Wyatt; and, Sting losing his ONLY Mania match because someone else had the right bride on their marriage license.
Despite the objections of both smarks and sheep in certain cases, we must respect the history of this pop culture institution. IF WrestleMania is Woodstock, it is only appropriate that Tito Santana opened the show with a victory!
In recent years, there has been only one person on The Main Roster who has matched the swag of Santana’s initial accomplishment without even trying, and she wrestled in the last Mania Match I cared about. Finally got tired of giving fans The Blues. She’s ready to deal some out in the form of steel chairs and God knows what else.
“Cut Her talent LOOSE!” We kept screaming. “A REAL run with Gold, PLEASE?” Like a kid aching just before Christmas. As with Solis, she was a true pro, until the strangest thing I’ve ever seen in the modern art form washed over us.
Fans and insiders alike FORGOT about Social Media! Don’t get me wrong, it’s still here. Can’t get away from it. Hell, I’m doing a roll-in on the internet right now! If you’ve been fans of us long enough, you’ll realize that last sentence was not a botch! Seriously, this thing felt like the territories back in the day. No one knew a damn thing! Even some of those paid to know were flipping a coin every five minutes. Thanks for the constant stress, you ancient prick!
Come on folks. If you know my current wrestling HEART at all, you KNEW the last Chair Shot on her return was coming from her Super Mark in Middle America! When older dudes at this circus describe what true fandom is like; they’ll often say: “That’s bulls***, that’s bulls***, that’s bulls***, BUT THAT’S REAL!”
For her boatloads of fans and the woman herself, Christmas is here! The Stamford’s latest Blues enthusiast is very real, And WWE’s Black Magic Woman IS BACK! Line ’em up. they’re all falling. Charlotte & Ronda too. To The Man and those in charge of her Twitter Account, thanks for keeping the possibility top of mind when things first got weird. We never gave up, but you will! MISSED YOU LADY BANKS!
Mad Man’s Spinal Tap & 20 Questions
Back to back weeks we see the Mad Man come to play in our sandbox. Does this article go to 11? Are the retread concepts, just hollow nowadays?
Back to back weeks we see the Mad Man come to play in our sandbox! Does this article go to 11?
When you have decades of experience watching the art form, your eyes and thought processes change. It’s the reason my colleagues can break down pending news and angles we haven’t seen yet. Mr. Meltzer made a cottage industry out of it. A ton of people on The Internet are trying to follow suit. Then, there are fans like me. As much as I love twitter, Professional Wrestling fans were never meant to receive “spoilers” every day.
This is NOT a “Back in my day…” thing. My eyes have changed too. However, I am focused more on WWE’s calendar when watching Stamford’s offering. If I think about wrestling. it’s very simple. My suspension of disbelief is gone for very few performers. In fact, I would say it’s gone for most fans. If we know it’s a work, why are scripts and outcomes still based on the assumption that we don’t? If I have seen a gimmick before, I am VERY hard to impress. Make me believe you can beat somebody; and stand out doing so, or I will chew you up and spit you the Hell out.
For those who say I should keep my mouth shut because I can’t perform and never have, I DON’T CARE! Saint Dave gets a pass, and y’all still watch the current product like his lap dogs and clones, despite “knowing’ the outcome? I don’t watch for the outcome anymore. Based on character development and pushes, I can see that coming. Call me a hypocrite and I will play 20 Questions with you. Can you get me to the finish line without looking like an idiot or a laughable copy of someone else?
Su Yung is 5’6’’ish. Marks and sheep world wide are transfixed and petrified? Make up aside, why? She is impersonating three legends with no unique move set and doing it very badly. Without her zombies, can she beat anybody? Mr. Calloway used druids. He was 6’10’’ and did not need them to kick your ass. Mick Foley put himself and you through HELL before using The Mandible Claw. You had no choice but to take it. The Great Muta was arguably the best Rising Sun performer of all time. He had a move set most American fans had never seen before. The Mist was believable in his hands because audience and opponent were spinning trying to keep up with him. Where is Su Yung’s Mysticism? As much as fans love her, there are no OMG moments in her matches, and her gimmick is predicated on them.
She is far from the only example. Twitter went crazy about a month ago because a top name on the indies put something in her opponent’s mouth during a match. Outside of a prison fight, when would this EVER HAPPEN? Why is this necessary? If this is a work, why would any girl allow someone to do this? Tell me why either woman gets hired again without the parrot response? Same question applies to Joseph. Dude ain’t pickin’ up anybody like that in real life. I dare him to pick my wheelchair up with his finish. He would be in traction.
Tony Schiavone is our crazy wrestling fan uncle. Our memories of him when we were kids and teenagers all ROCK! He is without question one of the best to ever call the action. God Bless Conrad Flair for bringing him back to the art form. Among other fun stuff, he now does commentary for MLW. With tongue firmly planted in cheek; I must say, I have a slight problem with him. I understand that it is his job. He continues to put MJF over because?? I get the gimmick. It’s just OLD! He is ripping off The Miz. One look at him, and you can see that. “I have more money than you.” So did DiBiase. And if you did, you wouldn’t need the $50.00 a night you made before Tony started calling your matches because you’d be paying him. Just wait until Mike retires before you go to New York.
Finally, we arrive at the biggest tent. Vinnie’s circus was on The West Coast in The House of Hot Rod & Billy Jack Haynes. Sheep under 25 are now asking a three-worded question. The only help you’ll get from me is to say that he may have been the father of Modern Independent Wrestling. Sometimes, it wasn’t his choice, and he is still fighting demons today.
Back to this week. Didn’t Spinal Tap all stand in the Center Ring around a month ago and do a babyface promo? “It’s our fault. We’ll do better for you. This is YOUR product.” First, I believe Stephanie as a babyface as much as I believe Saint Richard as a babyface. Shut up and go home as a shoot. Second, as big a moron as Vince is, he’s NOT leaving the person carrying the big top out of WrestleMania! Outside of the obvious, Becky’s leg is a work. SHE WAS LIMPING ON THE WRONG ONE ON MONDAY! Seth Rollins is hurt as a shoot. He WASN’T at Monday Night Raw. If Becky wasn’t cleared, she wouldn’t be on either show. So WHY is everybody going apes*** over this?
Sometimes, I can’t tell which group is Spinal Tap?
Is it the group on stage or the sheep who believe what they’re watching? I truly wish this art form was treated more like real competition.
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