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CheapShots: Predictability Can Still Be Fun

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Cheap Shots are unfiltered, uncensored opinions, and those opinions reflect only the author!

Mad Man at the controls as the number of runways on The Road to WrestleMania begins to shrink. The cheese starts to bind as a smooth intensity picks up beneath my flight path over Milwaukee. Prior to this week’s RAW, most smart marks became aware that The “Second Generation” Rowdy one had her itinerary approved for regular appearances leading to Mania. If you weren’t, thank those at Air Traffic Control in Jersey and Phoenix, among others. Quoting Sandow, “YOU’RE WELCOME!”

The fondue party starts with GM Kurt Angle comes to the ring in attempt to rectify the embarrassment of a sucker punch from The COO last week. “Come out and fight me like a man!” Cue Steph’s music. The Assistant Principal comes out to say her husband is not at the arena yet. Daddy’s Little Girl starts cutting one of her textbook promos made of half-truths and half BS. Fourth Wall Alert. Hey, Dr. Strange; if you really wanna fire the dude, look at his rap sheet. Otherwise, stay in your office. Try not to get hurt on the walk back.

Too late! Joan Jett cuts through the crowd. Guess who came to dinner? Ms. Rousey is here! She comes to the ring old-school baby face. Slapping hands with EVERYBODY on the aisle. COOL! Stephanie’s condescendence didn’t stop. Ronda asked for clarification regarding a clause in her contract stating she could choose her Mania opponent. Steph said yes, but they had to be on the active roster as an athlete. Ronda steps up weigh-in style: “Okay, I choose you!”

My money says Paul was standing in Gorilla because Triple H’s music hits. “…That’s not happening.” Kurt muses about Trips being there. The Frenchman tells him not to keep score. Steph goes Mommy Dearest on Kurt without the mic. However, Ronda insists on wire hangers, and intercepts the incoming slap. We have reached Critical Mass. Triple H fanes leaving the ring. After that, I’m pretty sure the power couple wished they were back in Stamford. Nice to see them take a squash for once.

Funniest part was watching Steph bounce MMA style after cheap-shotting Rousey. In case we forgot. Ronda Rousey is a badass. She grabs Steph by the head, pulls her into the ring FROM THE FLOOR and gives her A Samoan Drop! Hubby already took an Ankle Lock from Angle. I don’t have to tell you our Main Event for Mania is set. Best opening segment in years!

Back to our regularly scheduled Monday Night Raw. Asuka and Nia had to follow that. Have fun ladies! Neither one did. Any Nia match is incredibly physical, and The Japanese Ace is afraid of nothing. This is an explosive combination that usually ends badly for someone. This encounter was no different. Jax used her power to rag doll The Rising Sun Mystic early, including multiple near falls.

Rarely do I complain about pure physics of the art form. Here we go. Nia is roughly twice Asuka’s size and six feet tall. Yes, she has Nia’s arm constricted, but that much power and leverage should spike anyone into the mat hard enough to break any hold? No? Fine, The Immovable Object gets up again, and walks Asuka against the ropes? BREAK THE HOLD! Welcome to the friggin’ circus! Nia rolls back onto the mat and taps out. Great story-telling, as Jax may have a kayfabe broken arm. Horrible way to get there. PS: I doubt Little Miss Math Class is capable of authentic compassion. She was sympathetic to Nia only to cover her ass. “You have friends.” Fabulous sell from The Big Girl, tears included!

Something had to bring us back to Earth after such a nuclear start. Bring out The Bar. Storyline says The Celtic Warrior and Swiss Mister have no opposition for The Tag Team Gold at Mania. Enter The Revival. Dash and Dawson have a great old-school gimmick. “We’ll beat you with toughness, double-teaming and wrestling.” Sad that’s a gimmick now, but marks are sheep. Revival beat The Bar, they have a shot at Mania Gold. Except, they didn’t. What’s this? Proper stringing out of a WWE storyline? Yay, someone can think!

It’s the fourth segment, and no John Cena? Scratch that. The best promo in the modern art form comes out and tells his Fastlane opponents he was winning Gold for a 17th time at The SmackDown PPV. If he did, BMJ told AJ Styles to invoke his rematch clause at Mania, making his match with Nakamura an instant Triple-Threat. For those who say Cena is prone to heel tendencies, here is another checkmark.

God Bless Texas…It’s The Son of a Son of a Plumber, quoting a 1950s Classic?? Why the Hell not? Goldust said he would like nothing more than to steal Johnny Goodguy’s Mania spotlight. Believe it or not, the first match ever between these legends was made on the spot. Cena won in less than ten minutes. It is truly unfortunate that a long-term program was not discussed over 15 years. Would’ve been very interesting.

Lunch time recess! The Human Elmo came out to cut an in-ring promo related to her actions and the non-tag with Lady Banks last week. Promos are not Bayley’s strong suit. Cue Absolute Yawn interrupting and teasing The Hugger possibly joining the group. Save it Scream Queen, nobody would believe it. A match between Bayley and Mandy Rose began with the remaining members of Absolute Yawn at ringside. The Walking Crayola showed toughness and a tiny mean streak to beat The Pound-For-Pound Pin-Up clean. Afterward, the threesome jumped Bayley. Sasha ran down for the save, which she made. The Legit Boss then motioned for a hug, but Bayley would not oblige.

Cut to backstage, and Braun Strowman and a bright-lettered, eighties-style promo about the Symphony of Destruction Match with Elias. I can’t be the only one digging these promos? Instruments line the stage as Elias does a brilliant tweener promo. Before hitting the ring, The Guitar Man asks for the house lights to be lowered. This swerve to run to a waiting car in the parking lot ended in failure as Braun picked up the back of the car. Sometimes WWE camera work for storyline purposes is very good. All we could see at first was the driver’s seat. Back inside the building, Elias got some offense in but was overwhelmed by an upright bass and a baby grand piano. Both were gimmicked of course, but don’t poke the bear, Elias.

Hey flock, LOOK! It’s your half-assed cult leader; with no cult, beating the same enhancement talent he destroyed last week. Another art form physics observation: Bray Wyatt stares at me upside-down, I grab his beard and pull until I rip it off his face! The Rambler gets through half a promo before being cut off by the leader of The Woken Warriors. Matt Hardy challenged Wyatt to a match at The Hardy Compound. I Hope he has enough stamina to do justice to this gimmick, and Stanford isn’t biting off more than they can chew. Wouldn’t be the first time.

 

Speaking of 90% of a segment I could’ve slept through: It’s the visual Nyquil known as MIZ TV. This Oscars rip-off mocked Kurt Angle’s lack of a Mania decision surrounding The IC Gold. Can I wake up yet? Miz’s back up was in the ring as Seth Rollins and his twin with the cooler entrance came out to disrupt proceedings. The Miz was granted a 3-on-2 Handicap Match; which The Move-Set Twins won when Finn Balor hit The Coups de Gras and Rollins get the pin with a Frog Splash. The match’s conclusion saw GM Angle come out and make the obvious Triple Threat for IC Gold at Mania.

Happy Heyman ended the night of quality cheese by attempting to prop up Brock Lesnar and The WWE Universal Gold. It was a miserable failure, and dude had to know that before he went out there. Steph, don’t ash him to say The Gold is 24/7/365 if YOUR Champion is rarely on Television or Part-Time on PPV. Roman finally came out: “All the fans want is A WWE Universal Champion to show up. Tell Brock to be ready for a fight next week.” As I land this plane in fly-over country I must say RAW was a good show. At times predictability can be electric. I hope my passengers enjoyed this trip and will join me for our next departure very soon.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


Always Use Your Head and visit the official Pro Wrestling Tees store for The Chairshot All t-shirt proceeds help support the advancement of your favorite hard-hitting wrestling website, The Chairshot!


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CheapShots: WWE Is Suffocating the RAW Women’s Division

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Alexa Bliss

 

Let me say this upfront: I have nothing against Alexa Bliss either in the ring or in real life. She’s got a great look and a lot of talent and in real life, she seems like a very nice person. However, WWE is running the risk of suffocating the Women’s Division on RAW by constantly putting the belt on her.

Bliss won the Women’s Championship in a rematch against Sasha Banks in August and has basically been champion for a year. There was no reason for her to be in Money in the Bank, never mind winning it or cashing in. If this keeps up, WWE runs the risk of smothering the RAW Women’s Division by having a champion that keeps getting the title back instead of pushing the other women.

WWE’s made this mistake before with Charlotte Flair. Charlotte won every PPV she had a match on for over a year and anytime she lost the title on TV, she got it back at the next PPV. By the time she finally lost a PPV match to Bayley in 2017, the RAW Women’s Division had stagnated because fans were getting tired of constantly seeing Charlotte win.

When Charlotte was traded to SmackDown and was kept out of the title picture for awhile, it turned out to be a godsend for her and the SmackDown Women’s Division because it gave women like Naomi time to shine. By the time Charlotte took the title off Natalya in November, the fans were excited and ready for her to be champion again. WWE needs to do this with Bliss.

What WWE is doing with Alexa and what they did with Charlotte isn’t unusual if you look at the Men’s Division, the problem is that the Women’s Division is much smaller and so it is much more noticeable that only one person is getting the title runs and there are no secondary titles or tag titles to give the rest of the roster something to work with.

No, I’m not saying Alexa can’t get a shot at the title, but she shouldn’t be champion for awhile. Put her in non-title feuds and put over people like Ember Moon or someone from Riott Squad for six months or so and give her, the division, and the fans a breather.

Who could Alexa feud with? Well, let’s take a look!

Ember Moon: This could be a really great feud. Ember is a great athlete, but she’s barely been seen on RAW since her debut after WrestleMania. A feud between these two is a win-win on paper, Ember gets a top talent feud, Alexa gets someone new to work off of and they can take each other to the next level.

Sarah Logan: Logan is rough around the edges, but she could be a breakout star if given the right feud and Alexa could be that feud.

Liv Morgan: I’m very fond of Liv Morgan and would love to see her get some more time in the spotlight, something she doesn’t get a lot of in the Riott Squad. Like Logan and Riott, Liv has the potential to be a major star in WWE, and a feud with someone like Alexa would definitely help.

Dana Brooke: Dana Brooke is someone who has suffered from bad luck and minimal direction during her time on the main roster, having a feud with Alexa might not be ideal for Alexa fans, but it would give Dana something more to do than be the numbers cruncher for Titus Worldwide.

Sasha Banks: I hesitated to include Sasha in this since she’s supposed to be in a feud with Bayley, but since that feud seems to be moving at a snail’s pace, I might as well include her. Plus, I prefer that Sasha be in the Women’s Division title picture, but she and Alexa had a great feud last summer and made history in December by being the first women allowed to compete in the Middle East, so a return of this feud wouldn’t be a horrible idea.

Bayley: No. Just…NO!

Again, I’m not bashing Alexa or her talent by saying that she needs to be taken out of the title picture and put in a feud with any of the women mentioned above, but WWE is risking the same situation that they had with Charlotte before Charlotte went to SmackDown, and having the Women’s Division being smothered and stagnate because one woman kept getting title runs. There’s other women in this division who are equally talented and sell merchandise and could be getting a push. If Alexa is as over as her fans believe, not being in the title picture won’t hurt her standing. Let the RAW Women’s roster breathe.

 


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CheapShots: A Letter To WWE Fan Boys

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WWE

Stop. Just stop it. The over-positivity towards the WWE product is ridiculous. WWE is not the greatest thing on the planet right now. It is not all golden flowers and rainbows. Before I dive deep into all this let me say that I am a fan of WWE. But, I have enough sense to know that if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, then guess what, it’s a duck. I have no problem on calling them on the BS and craziness that goes on from time to time. No, the product in not the best it has ever been. Scripted promos alone are enough to make me want to vomit. The stale characterization of the characters and the fact that they are all basically the same cookie cutter version of what a WWE superstar should be is ridiculous. Here are a few things that I am sick of hearing every single day.

image via WWE

Money, Money, Money.

WWE is a money making machine, there is no denying it. One thing that I am constantly hearing is “Oh well WWE is making more money now then they have ever had, so that means the product is the best ever!” Well…no…when a company goes public, and are the only wrestling game in town of course they are making money. You need to understand how business works. Do a quick search of WWE and just look into all the divisions of the company. Look at the subsidiaries that they own, along with the companies that they have invested in such as owning 50% of the brand TapOut. Wrestling is not there only sourcing of income, hence the entertainment in their name. WWE is constantly expanding, evolving, and venturing into other things that make money, hence why they are making more money now than ever before. Yes, they got a ton of money for Smackdown. But, you have to take into account that it was bought from a company that is selling their movie division and only have TV as a source of income. With less and less people streaming everything and no one watching TV anymore, of course stations are going to foam at the mouth to get a TV show that has been on as long as Smackdown has any type of ratings, and the sponsors that come along with it. That is just good business, but that does not justify the wrestling product that they are currently putting out.

Greatest Roster Ever

“The roster now is the best roster we have ever had in WWE.” Wake up Alice cause this is not Wonderland. Do you not remember the greatness that was the WWE roster of 2002, or were you even born yet? Here is a bit of that Roster, Hulk Hogan, Stone Cold, The Rock, Chris Jericho, Edge, Kurt Angle, Chris Benoit, Eddie Guerrero, Booker T, RVD, Rey Mysterio, Undertaker, Shawn Michaels, HHH, John Cena, Randy Orton, DDP, Ric Flair. I will just leave this here and wait for you to retract your ridiculous statement.

If you don’t like it then don’t watch it

Boy, am I sick and tired of hearing this poor attempt of retort. What are you 10? You can complain about something and guess what still watch it. I have never watched anything and never had only positive things to say about it. I can watch a NJPW match, and talk about how bad WWE is in comparison. Why? Because, it’s not a matter of me not liking WWE, Just because someone puts something down that you eat, sleep, and breathe doesn’t mean they don’t like it. The main reason people compare a NJPW match to what WWE is doing, isn’t just to bash it, but it is because we know how great WWE can be. Honestly, it sucks to see WWE out done, and I wish they would get their heads out of their asses and put on consistently great matches.

image via WWE

Stop being a Yes man.

You don’t have to hate on every aspect of WWE, positivity is a good thing. But when you like every single thing that WWE does you need to get your head checked. You need to utilize that WWE network subscription and go back and watch something other than the current product. There is good and bad in every generation of wrestling, but we are not living in the renaissance age, witnessing the 2nd coming of wrestling. So take a breath, and try to dislike something of the current product and stop being a corporate robot.


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Are McIntyre, Lashley, And Roode WWE Top Guy Material?

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So there was a lot of buzz about Drew McIntyre and Bobby Lashley making their debuts on the Main Roster after WrestleMania. A lot of people have been predicting that McIntyre and/or Lashley were going to be Universal Champion before the year out, and even predicted that Lashley would be the one to unseat Brock Lesnar. The same has been said, to some degree, about Bobby Roode. Here’s the problem: The only way any of these guys going to get close to the Universal Title is if WWE has another plague of injuries.

Now, before you all get mad, hear me out. I’m not saying that McIntyre, Lashley, and Roode aren’t talented, because they are and their records speak for themselves. The problem is that WWE has a huge pool of talented guys on its Main Roster and a lot of established stars, which means McIntyre, Lashley, and Roode are likely going to spend their careers in the mid-cards, at least on RAW. They might have slightly better luck on SmackDown, but I wouldn’t bet everything on that pony either.

Let’s look at each guy and see what could possibly hold them back in WWE.

Drew McIntyre: McIntyre has a lot to recommend him, at least on paper. He’s got a great look and a lot of talent. His promos leave a little to be desired, but that’s not a dealbreaker on its own. The problem with McIntyre is that his gimmick hasn’t changed that much from his first run in WWE. His look isn’t that unique compared to other guys on the roster and neither is his moveset.

Bobby Lashley: Lashley’s pros are many: Great look, lots of talent, but his cons are going to be a real problem sooner than later. The biggest con is his total lack of a personality. He seems like a nice guy, but there is no real discernible personality that I can detect and that’s going to be just as big a problem now as it was back during his first WWE run.

Bobby Roode: Of the three guys in this article, Bobby Roode has the most sterling record. He’s a multi-time World Champion and Tag Champion before he came to NXT. He’s got a great look and a ton of talent, and he’s good on the mic. The problem with Roode is 1. His age, he’s 41. and 2. Roode is not a good WWE babyface. In TNA, he was at his best as a heel or tweener in singles and tag team, but I’m also not sure that turning him heel is going to help in WWE.

‘Wait’ I can hear you saying ‘All three of these guys were World Champions outside of WWE and/or in NXT. How can they not be destined to be Universal Champion or WWE Champion?’. Well, the simple answer is that the indy scene, NXT, and TNA have smaller pools of top tier talent, which makes it easier for talented guys that are usually relegated to the mid or low card in WWE to leapfrog straight to the top. Cody Rhodes is a prime example of that.

Again, I’m not denigrating the talents of any of these guys, or the guys coming up that are going to be in the same boat. What I am saying is that WWE has a top tier talent rich pool on RAW and SmackDown and guys like McIntyre, Lashley, and Roode are likely not going to get close to the top spot like they easily could outside WWE.


Always Use Your Head and visit the official Pro Wrestling Tees store for The Chairshot All t-shirt proceeds help support the advancement of your favorite hard-hitting wrestling website, The Chairshot!


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