Cheap Shots are unfiltered, uncensored opinions, and those opinions reflect only the author!
I sit in a hovering pattern over Von Erich Country and begin to pick up decades old vibrations only sent by fans who frequented The Sportitorium, or wished they had done so. Outside of geographical correlation, goosebumps like these make no sense. After all, WWE is incapable of creating such a raucous reaction themselves, beyond the upcoming event in less than three weeks. I glide in for a closer look. A Stamford crowd, in full throat and unison; chanting one word, and pointing skyward can only mean one thing. I can count on one hand the performers who can burn through the well-earned cynicism of these sheep. The American Dragon tops the list. However, this reaction felt elevated. Rivaling those Kevin, Kerry and David got weekly almost 40 years ago. Daniel Bryan is BACK in the ring to compete! Even for a smartass like me, that is a great thing. Sometimes, the art form is very real!
Good luck coming down from that open. Here we go. In-ring action begins with Rusev tangling with Shinsuke Nakamura with Aiden English outside the ring and AJ Styles at commentary. Both athletes put on a typical physical match. Each held the advantage for a time. Rusev is over organically to the point where Vinnie is both pissed and scared. Hence, the reason he is in this needless foil position, as opposed to the US Gold picture replacing Jinder Mahal. Nakamura got the pin thanks to some quick chain wresting. The Songbird jumped in the ring to join The Bulgarian in a tandem attack. The Phenomenal one was excessively slow in helping the artist fend them off. Turns out, Nakamura didn’t need help. Backstage, Shinsuke had fun when AJ kept interrupting him. “You need more confidence…” Despite the language barrier, the dude oozes charisma.
Baron Corbin and Tye Dillinger worked for what felt like the 30th time this year. The only thing that woke me up during this contest was a botched finish from Corbin, who won after a fast redo of The End of Days. There is a gif floating around of a victorious Lone Wolf shouting: “I’m so good, it’s not funny.” If The Heel With No Pulse honestly believes that, I can walk. Now that we all got through a very painful group project, it’s time for today’s first recess session involving A Hart, A Flair, and A Blondie Circus. This has gotten personal, and that’s hilarious.
Charlotte and Nattie cut a strained promo which saw The Queen of Hearts claim Charlotte couldn’t beat Asuka in New Orleans. Second Nature’s response? “Beat me tonight.” Let’s go! Echoing Bruce Prichard’s sentiments on both families: These ladies could both wrestle a broomstick and make it look good. They put on a rock-solid match despite its ending where Carmella came down and pretended to cash in her shield, I mean her briefcase, costing The Queen a win. Okay class, who remembers the confrontation I mentioned in my last article? Anybody else get someone in their WWE Twitter fortress to come out of hiding? Just me? Awesome! The cheerleader got irritated with lil’ old me for saying the obvious. Slightly zealous? Absolutely, outside of the previous two weeks, can anyone think of when she even had her last singles match? Even dudes who win the contract have singles matches. She “won” the reset before SummerSlam. Vince, I know sheep don’t matter to you. In that case, the burden of proof is on YOU! Pardon some of us who have seen enough. A briefcase by itself does not get someone over. Sir; next time you do this, make sure the girl can work alone.
That was a Big Show sized soapbox and a hell of a jump. Back on solid ground. Millennial marks, take a screen shot of the following statement. In the case of The Usos, The New Day, and The Bludgeon Brothers: a triple threat not only works, it is necessary. After a borderline baby face promo, there is no doubt who the heels in this math problem are. Harper took on Jimmy Uso one-on-one with each man’s partner at ringside. A very physical encounter ensued involving all four men. The Samoans pushed themselves from underneath, but Harper went over with a discus clothesline.
The US Gold triple threat match; on the other hand, is a typical case of lazy WWE booking. “I’m Indian, hate me and put me over regardless of my talent!” Until Rusev beats him up and takes his place, we are stuck with Jinder Mahal. The only redeeming quality of this snooze-fest took place when Randy Orton flat out told The Indian Brooklyn Brawler he sucked. Thanks Randall, we’ve been saying that for over five years. Pardon the mini-recess interjection. The Glow Worm and The Lass Kicker beat two-thirds of The Riott Squad. I’m calling my shot now, if there is a baby face in the group, Sarah Logan will be the one to turn. She is very physical and has a great look.
Entering the final segment, Daniel Bryan had to deal with what Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn did to Shane McMahon last week. The Canadians were late to the show and Bryan instructed them to meet him in the ring. They worked happiness over his return and thought smoothing things over would be simple. The bearded one reminded them of the threesome’s connected legacy and said that they did not need to beat Shane up because he gave them what they wanted on two fronts. He was taking a leave of absence after giving them a face-to-face match at WrestleMania. Though, due to their actions last week, they are both fired! Owens and Zayn went ape on Bryan, ultimately gaining a replay of the previous SmackDown Live. Before putting them over, he got several corner dropkicks and yes kicks off. The man hasn’t lost his fire, toughness or speed. We all know how firings work in WWE. I’m betting on a tag match pitting The SmackDown Brass against Owens and Zayn. Given the magnitude of Daniel Bryan’s competitive return, this show was fabulous! Hell, I know at least one Free Bird was proud last night, weren’t you Michael? Plane’s ready, our next departure is fast approaching. Thanks to all my passengers, and God Bless Texas!
MadMan: She’s Handing Out Blues Better Than A Namesake Will
Madman decided to follow his blue dragon back towards the titans! Let’s see what black magic he weaves in this edition.
Madman decided to follow his blue dragon back towards the titans! Let’s see what black magic he weaves in this edition.
I may not be in regular rotation, but when they give me a chair, I swing for my fences. As a decades-long consumer of the art, I don’t have many left. The only Home Runs WWE has placed within my scope, can be found in Women’s Division on both Monday Night Raw & SmackDown Live.
The year I began watching wrestling, some very interesting circumstances took place surrounding cable television. WTBS; (Atlanta), WAS the home of The NWA’s Jim Crockett Promotions. At least until “Black Saturday,” which ultimately saw Vinnie Jr. Hijack the famous 6:05 time slot. This nearly cause riots among cable viewers opposed to McMahon’s product and presentation.
Though the million dollar ransom The Crocketts paid to get their flagship spot back on the dial gave the head of Titan Sports the backbone to finance WrestleMania, which helped to wreck most of the territories. Hell, it can be argued somewhat convincingly upon its 30th Anniversary, Vince himself ruined his biggest display’s pristine intentions for two consecutive years with Lesnar beating the streak instead of Bray Wyatt; and, Sting losing his ONLY Mania match because someone else had the right bride on their marriage license.
Despite the objections of both smarks and sheep in certain cases, we must respect the history of this pop culture institution. IF WrestleMania is Woodstock, it is only appropriate that Tito Santana opened the show with a victory!
In recent years, there has been only one person on The Main Roster who has matched the swag of Santana’s initial accomplishment without even trying, and she wrestled in the last Mania Match I cared about. Finally got tired of giving fans The Blues. She’s ready to deal some out in the form of steel chairs and God knows what else.
“Cut Her talent LOOSE!” We kept screaming. “A REAL run with Gold, PLEASE?” Like a kid aching just before Christmas. As with Solis, she was a true pro, until the strangest thing I’ve ever seen in the modern art form washed over us.
Fans and insiders alike FORGOT about Social Media! Don’t get me wrong, it’s still here. Can’t get away from it. Hell, I’m doing a roll-in on the internet right now! If you’ve been fans of us long enough, you’ll realize that last sentence was not a botch! Seriously, this thing felt like the territories back in the day. No one knew a damn thing! Even some of those paid to know were flipping a coin every five minutes. Thanks for the constant stress, you ancient prick!
Come on folks. If you know my current wrestling HEART at all, you KNEW the last Chair Shot on her return was coming from her Super Mark in Middle America! When older dudes at this circus describe what true fandom is like; they’ll often say: “That’s bulls***, that’s bulls***, that’s bulls***, BUT THAT’S REAL!”
For her boatloads of fans and the woman herself, Christmas is here! The Stamford’s latest Blues enthusiast is very real, And WWE’s Black Magic Woman IS BACK! Line ’em up. they’re all falling. Charlotte & Ronda too. To The Man and those in charge of her Twitter Account, thanks for keeping the possibility top of mind when things first got weird. We never gave up, but you will! MISSED YOU LADY BANKS!
Mad Man’s Spinal Tap & 20 Questions
Back to back weeks we see the Mad Man come to play in our sandbox. Does this article go to 11? Are the retread concepts, just hollow nowadays?
Back to back weeks we see the Mad Man come to play in our sandbox! Does this article go to 11?
When you have decades of experience watching the art form, your eyes and thought processes change. It’s the reason my colleagues can break down pending news and angles we haven’t seen yet. Mr. Meltzer made a cottage industry out of it. A ton of people on The Internet are trying to follow suit. Then, there are fans like me. As much as I love twitter, Professional Wrestling fans were never meant to receive “spoilers” every day.
This is NOT a “Back in my day…” thing. My eyes have changed too. However, I am focused more on WWE’s calendar when watching Stamford’s offering. If I think about wrestling. it’s very simple. My suspension of disbelief is gone for very few performers. In fact, I would say it’s gone for most fans. If we know it’s a work, why are scripts and outcomes still based on the assumption that we don’t? If I have seen a gimmick before, I am VERY hard to impress. Make me believe you can beat somebody; and stand out doing so, or I will chew you up and spit you the Hell out.
For those who say I should keep my mouth shut because I can’t perform and never have, I DON’T CARE! Saint Dave gets a pass, and y’all still watch the current product like his lap dogs and clones, despite “knowing’ the outcome? I don’t watch for the outcome anymore. Based on character development and pushes, I can see that coming. Call me a hypocrite and I will play 20 Questions with you. Can you get me to the finish line without looking like an idiot or a laughable copy of someone else?
Su Yung is 5’6’’ish. Marks and sheep world wide are transfixed and petrified? Make up aside, why? She is impersonating three legends with no unique move set and doing it very badly. Without her zombies, can she beat anybody? Mr. Calloway used druids. He was 6’10’’ and did not need them to kick your ass. Mick Foley put himself and you through HELL before using The Mandible Claw. You had no choice but to take it. The Great Muta was arguably the best Rising Sun performer of all time. He had a move set most American fans had never seen before. The Mist was believable in his hands because audience and opponent were spinning trying to keep up with him. Where is Su Yung’s Mysticism? As much as fans love her, there are no OMG moments in her matches, and her gimmick is predicated on them.
She is far from the only example. Twitter went crazy about a month ago because a top name on the indies put something in her opponent’s mouth during a match. Outside of a prison fight, when would this EVER HAPPEN? Why is this necessary? If this is a work, why would any girl allow someone to do this? Tell me why either woman gets hired again without the parrot response? Same question applies to Joseph. Dude ain’t pickin’ up anybody like that in real life. I dare him to pick my wheelchair up with his finish. He would be in traction.
Tony Schiavone is our crazy wrestling fan uncle. Our memories of him when we were kids and teenagers all ROCK! He is without question one of the best to ever call the action. God Bless Conrad Flair for bringing him back to the art form. Among other fun stuff, he now does commentary for MLW. With tongue firmly planted in cheek; I must say, I have a slight problem with him. I understand that it is his job. He continues to put MJF over because?? I get the gimmick. It’s just OLD! He is ripping off The Miz. One look at him, and you can see that. “I have more money than you.” So did DiBiase. And if you did, you wouldn’t need the $50.00 a night you made before Tony started calling your matches because you’d be paying him. Just wait until Mike retires before you go to New York.
Finally, we arrive at the biggest tent. Vinnie’s circus was on The West Coast in The House of Hot Rod & Billy Jack Haynes. Sheep under 25 are now asking a three-worded question. The only help you’ll get from me is to say that he may have been the father of Modern Independent Wrestling. Sometimes, it wasn’t his choice, and he is still fighting demons today.
Back to this week. Didn’t Spinal Tap all stand in the Center Ring around a month ago and do a babyface promo? “It’s our fault. We’ll do better for you. This is YOUR product.” First, I believe Stephanie as a babyface as much as I believe Saint Richard as a babyface. Shut up and go home as a shoot. Second, as big a moron as Vince is, he’s NOT leaving the person carrying the big top out of WrestleMania! Outside of the obvious, Becky’s leg is a work. SHE WAS LIMPING ON THE WRONG ONE ON MONDAY! Seth Rollins is hurt as a shoot. He WASN’T at Monday Night Raw. If Becky wasn’t cleared, she wouldn’t be on either show. So WHY is everybody going apes*** over this?
Sometimes, I can’t tell which group is Spinal Tap?
Is it the group on stage or the sheep who believe what they’re watching? I truly wish this art form was treated more like real competition.
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