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Mitchell’s WWE Monday Night Raw Live Report! (3/12/18)

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All images courtesy of the WWE’s official Twitter

 

OFFICIAL RESULTS

  • Sonya Deville w/ Absolution VS Sasha Banks w/ Bayley; wins.
  • The Bar VS The Miztourage; no contest.
  • Finn Balor VS Seth Rollins; Balor wins.
  • Asuka VS Mickie James w/ Alexa Bliss; Asuka wins.
  • Nia Jax VS Joan King; Nia wins.
  • Raw Tag Team Championship #1 Contenders Battle Royal: Braun Strowman wins and will challenge The Bar for the Raw Tag Team Championships at Wrestlemania(?)

PLAY BY PLAY

Raw General Manager, Kurt Angle, heads to the ring!

The Olympic Gold Medalist and WWE Hall-of-Famer is in Detroit, and thanks Detroit’s WWE Universe for welcoming him. “I can’t tell you how excited and honored I am to compete at this year’s Wrestlemania with my tag team partner, Ronda Rousey!” They will team against The Authority, Stephanie McMahon & Triple H, and Angle almost feels sorry for Stephanie. But he’s already not sorry for HHH! Speaking of, on to the Universal Championship match of Lesnar VS Reigns, “a match for the ages”! As for tonight, it turns out Brock Lesnar won‘t be here tonight, either. Regardless of why, the rest of the show will be great! However, Roman Reigns comes out to respond!

The Big Dog enters the ring, a look of stern disappointment on his face. He looks Angle in the eye as he says, “I wish I was surprised, Kurt, but I’m not.” Reigns wasn’t lying when he said Lesnar doesn’t’ respect him, the company or anyone in Detroit. Lesnar barely respects those watching around the world. Reigns feels he speaks for everyone when he says, “Lesnar didn’t show up for work today, or last week. What are the repercussions are there, Kurt?” Is Lesnar going to be punished? Reigns knows the answer is “No, because he’s Vince’s Boy.” And don’t shut him up! This is the truth! What would happen to anyone else if they didn’t show up for work? They’d get fired, or fined, meaning they can’t feed their families.

That’s a problem. Angle is the middle man, but the real problem is Vince McMahon. Roman walked past Vince and yet Vince didn’t even let Reigns know what was happening! Angle had to tell Reigns and everyone live on TV! Reigns travels the world, not home with his family because he’s out here for the company. It’s one thing for Lesnar to disrespect him, but Reigns will NOT be disrespected by Vince McMahon! Reigns storms out, and gets in the face of Vince McMahon!

Vince wants to talk in his office, and throws things to commercials. Reigns is appeased with some respect, but will it last?

 

Renee Young waits for someone to exit Mr. McMahon’s office.

The person to come out is Roman Reigns. She wants to ask what happened, but he immediately exits the scene. Next comes Vince McMahon. He gets us up to speed and says that Lesnar is not Vince’s Boy, or even Heyman’s Boy, Lesnar is his own man. That said, the disrespect is not the case, Roman is a great competitor. Vince reminds Roman of something The Rock used to say, “Know Your Role and Shut Your Mouth.”

Lesnar does have his privileges, and it is true Lesnar doesn’t like most people. That doesn’t mean Lesnar is bad. Does Lesnar disrespect the WWE Universe? Probably. But Lesnar respects competition in the ring. He’s earned his privileges, though maybe abuses them. Vince does assure us that next week, Lesnar will be on Raw, and compete for the title at Wrestlemania against Reigns. Vince puts his word on this.

“One other thing”, the talk of respect, based on what happened, Reigns is temporarily suspended. There are repercussions for the Big Dog, how can he get his head on for Wrestlemania if he’s off the show?

 

Sonya Deville w/ Absolution VS Sasha Banks w/ Bayley!

The friendship of the Legit Boss and the Huggable One is a bit strained to say the least, but they can both agree they dislike the Glampire’s Gladiator & God’s Greatest Creation. Can Sasha stay ahead of the Jersey Devil? Or will Sonya show Sasha what happens when you put your hair up and square up?

The bell rings, and Sonya goes right at Sasha, only for Sasha to dodge and retaliate with forearms. Sasha whips Sonya but Sonya reverses. Sasha sunset flips over, TWO, and Sonya lunges back in. Sonya’s takedown is foiled by a backslide, but Sonya breaks out. Sasha tries an armbar takedown but Sonya throws her off. Paige coaches Sonya into things, but things speed up, and Sasha dropkicks Sonya down twice. Cover, ONE, but Sasha keeps focus. Sonya fires back a forearm but Sasha throws her out of the ring. Absolution regroups while we go to break.

Raw returns and Sonya has control, squeezing Sasha with a bodyscissors.

Sonya also adds on a chinlock, but Sasha fights her way out. She bridges back, TWO, but Sonya dumps Sasha down with a spinebuster! Cover, TWO, and Sonya grows frustrated. She bumps Sasha off buckles then rams in shoulders. Sonya kicks Sasha but Sasha hits back. Sonya kicks again and puts Sasha back in the bodyscissor. Fans rally for Sasha as she rolls and stands up, but Sonya is on her back. Sasha backs into buckles and snapmares Sonya off. Sonya kicks Sasha down again! Then the sliding knee! Cover, TWO, and Sonya is furious. She kicks and rams shoulders back into Sasha in a corner. The ref backs her off, and Ssaha dodges to send Sonya into buckles.

Sasha kicks back from a corner, then boots. She slides out and kicks Sonya again, then hops up to hit meteora knees! Cover, TWO! Mandy Rose moves to distract, but Bayley trips her up! Sasha sees Sonya coming, backstabber into Bank Statement! Sonya taps, Sasha wins! Bayley helped out her friend after all, but then leaves without celebrating. Is Bayley on her side or just against Absolution?

Absolution moves in to test that, flanking Sasha on all sides. Sasha sees she’s all alone, so she strikes first! It’s still 2v1 with Paige directing her girls, and Sasha gets beat down. Bayley doesn’t return, leaving Sasha vulnerable to the roundhouse from Sonya! Absolution is unified, when will they be vindicated with a championship?

 

WWE announces the 2018 Celebrity Wing inductee for the Hall of Fame: Kid Rock!

Detroit’s own global rockstar has been partners with the WWE for over two decades, and has performed on Raw, Tribute to the Troops and Wrestlemania. Most of all, his songs have been theme songs for the Real American Badass Taker! He’ll once again rock the WWE with a theme song for Wrestlemania.

 

It’s time for Miz TV!

“The Most Must-See WWE Talk Show” is without The Miztourage because they have a chance to “punch their tickets” to Wrestlemania. His boys are all grown up, and it shows that “if you hang with the Miz, I will elevate your career.”

Speaking of, he has two guests whose careers he will elevate when he defends against them in his “final hurdle” to become the all-time longest reigning Intercontinental Champion! Without further ado, he welcomes Seth Rollins! The Architect comes out and takes a seat, then Miz introduces Finn Balor!

The Extraordinary Man also takes a sweet as fans chant “Too Sweet! Woop Woop!” The Miz sees they’re both very comfortable out here, even when he’s in the ring with the guy who is in the way of a great singles match he and The Miz could have. They’re the “work horses” of the WWE and could’ve burned things down at ‘Mania. Finn is a “great up-and-comer” but he doesn’t have the accolades Miz and Rollins have. Rollins doesn’t have a 1v1 match because Finn keeps getting in the way, right? Miz, do you think they’re “a bunch of idiots”? It will be a Triple Threat, get over it.

Well then, Finn is “The Man of Bingo Halls.” Sure Finn has a lacking resume, but he does have a win over Rollins to be the inaugural Universal Champion. That’s still huge. Maybe Miz should focus on Finn, maybe Finn deserves that great 1v1 against “the greatest Intercontinental Champion”. If Finn is better than Rollins, why should he have to prove it again? Miz, you literally just tried this with Rollins, and you’re doing it again. If you want to keep that title, you’ll have to do better than that. Right, because everyone wants to have this title, to see this title, the title that Miz made prestigious again! Yet Miz is somehow the bad guy? Detroit says “YES! YES!”

Miz wants Rollins to admit he hates Finn for winning the Universal Championship. And Finn, surely you don’t trust Rollins who lures people in to stab in the back. Just ask The Shield. Miz, please shut up. It’s not about Miz, it’s about Wrestlemania! If MIz wants the truth, the truth is Rollins is going to take the Intercontinental Championship, and Finn doesn’t stand a chance. Finn counters by saying “with all due respect”, what happened the last time they had a championship match? Oh right, Finn won with one arm! Going there, huh? In four weeks, Rollins is going to stomp Finn on his way to becoming Intercontinental Champion! Why wait? Let’s do this here tonight!

The fans want to see that! Miz wants to see it! But then they both look at Miz, and he runs for it!

Rollins catches him, and both Rollins and Finn give him punches before Finn clotheslines Miz out. Then Rollins blindsides Finn! Rollins vows he’ll be Intercontinental (and Grand Slam) Champion at Wrestlemania. Will Miz’s plan work in his favor? Or will it only get him in the cross-hairs of both opponents again?

 

The Bar VS The Miztourage!

While the Celtic Gladiator & Swiss Cyborg insist they’ve defeated everyone there is to defeat on Raw, Bo Dallas & Curt Axel have the confidence to speak up and say it’s their turn. Not only that, but they go right at The Bar during their entrance! Cesaro falls down and Sheamus is isolated, but the Raw Tag Team Champions regroup. They rush back in but get sent back out by the fired up Bo & Axel! The referee calms things down while The Bar regroups again, and now The Bar uses strategy. Cesaro goes one way, Sheamus the other, and they managed to get things in separate brawls!

Sheamus stomps out Bo, Cesaro punches down Axel, but in come The Revival!? Dash & Dawson go after Sheamus & Cesaro, respectively. This keeps things form being a proper match but that doesn’t mean the fighting stops! Three teams throw hands, here comes a fourth in The Club! Anderson & Gallows add on for four team madness, and The Bar retreats! Except Titus Worldwide and Slater & Rhyno appear! The entire division might as well be out here brawling it out! The Bar is the focus of the horde! Two separate 4v1 beatings are going down and mixing it up, and Detroit loves it! Cesaro slips free on one side, Sheamus on the other, but they still have to fall back. What does this mean for the overly confident tag team champions at Wrestlemania?

 

JOHN CENA is here!

The Franchise Player, the Face that Runs the Place, and the Leader of the Cenation is not a 17-time world champion after SmackDown’s Fastlane Six Pack Challenge. “We are less than four weeks away” but Cena has finally found his Road to Wrestlemania! It isn’t the ideal path but if he’s brave enough to be here after everything, then he can face the truth. Cena hears the fans, because the truth is that after several opportunities on both brands, “I did not get the job done.” He will not make excuses or pass blame. Every superstar wants to contribute to Wrestlemania, so he is here tonight–with fans chanting “Undertaker!”–to say that he will not be contributing this year. Fans have mixed reactions, and Cena hears both sides out.

Cena explains he’s not quitting, walking away, or just missing Wrestlemania. He will be there, but just like the WWE Universe. Cena feels the energy, and gets to be the energy, as a fan. That may be a shock, but the WWE Universe is always the most important part! Without the fans, there’s no action, excitement or noise. He’s not going to go complaining, he’s going to go for fun. He’s excited, fired up, and might even be seated next to the fans, having a drink! “This is awesome!” Yes, he starts a chant. “Let’s go Roman!” “Roman sucks!” Well, alright.

Cena returns to the ring, and continues by saying there’s one last thing they have to address. Get it out of your systems now: “Let’s go Cena!” “Cena Sucks!” The fans follow along. He realizes the only way he’d hear that chant is if he did something he wasn’t supposed to do. Wait, what if he did that thing now? What’s the worst that could happen? Cena decides to once again challenge the Undertaker!

And fans chant “YES! YES!” He was told it was impossible, despite how much he wants it. He accepted it, but why? Why is it impossible? Because of the executives? No, they’d shut him up and suspend him. To clear the air, Cena tries again: “I challenge the Undertaker to a match at Wrestlemania.” He says it again and again, and the fans grow louder and louder. So the problem isn’t the WWE execs…

The one individual in the way of this match is The Undertaker. Cena wishes to address Taker directly: “Get over your own ego.” The difference between them is that when Cena fails, he puts a smile on his face and keeps going. When Taker fails, he hides because he’s ashamed. To think a symbol so strong is so fragile. Don’t hide behind lame excuses. Taker is not too old, washed up or broken down, or else he wouldn’t have workout videos on his wife’s Instagram. The only person in the way of the match is Taker, “you self-centered, conceited, ego-maniac!”

If Taker’s ego needs satisfaction, let’s try this: “Do you want to see the Undertaker Tombstone me in front of 75 thousand people at Wrestlemania?!” “YES! YES!” The fans want to see it, Cena wants to see Taker try. Cena is either a fan at Wrestlemania, or as Taker’s opponent to make history. “The ball is in your court, Deadman. Time to see if you’re still alive.” If Cena was him, he’d want #OneMoreMatch. A powerful challenge to a living legend, will Taker come out from the shadows to accept?

 

The Bar meet with Kurt Angle in his office.

Cesaro & Sheamus tell Angle that what happened was uncalled for. Well, they asked for teams to step up, and teams did. Yeah, but not to physically assault them! They want competition! The Bar has beat all those teams, but they don’t feel safe right now. Sheamus heard rumors of a post-Mania shake-up. Put them down for a trade, right now! They want to beat up The Bludgeon Brothers, the New Day, or even the Usos! Champions VS Champions! Or even just Breezango. Because the Bar knows when they’re not wanted. Angle won’t trade them, he’ll decide on their opponent for Wrestlemania when the Raw tag teams participate in a tag team battle royal tonight. Who will be the last team standing to face The Bar?

 

Raw takes a look back at the Symphony of Destruction.

The Drifter and the Monster Among Men waged war with musical mayhem, but only after Bruan Strowman caught Elias running away. The performance was a bit one-sided as the “Maestro Among Monsters” manhandled Elias and beat him like a drum. In fact, the only instrument Strowman didn’t hurt Elias with was the drums, as he instead slammed the bass cello and piano on him! Strowman won, will Elias learn to pick his lyrics more wisely from now on?

 

“Ladies and Gentlemen: Elias.”

Somehow the Drifter is well enough to be here. He does have a neck brace, however, and it’s hard to speak. Even so, he says, “This is your fault.” He sets his guitar down, and leaves? It’s rare for Elias not to play his guitar. Will he ever be able to play again?

But waiting backstage, is Braun!

He dropped a piano on Elias, but why doesn’t he have a Wrestlemania match? He’s not going to wait for someone to give him a path, eh’s gonna carve one! And he’s gonna make sure someone will #GetTheseHands at ‘Mania!

 

Finn Balor VS Seth Rollins!

The Extraordinary Man and the Architect will get to fight it out here tonight, after all! Who will win this rematch from the inaugural Universal Championship match and gain momentum going into their Wrestlemania Intercontinental Championships match?

The bell rings and the two slowly circle. They tie up, push each other around, and Rollins puts Finn on the ropes. The break is clean, but Finn doesn’t like the shoulder pats. They tie up again, Finn gets the wristlock, but Rollins spins to reverse. Rollins brings Finn to a knee but Finn gets up to roll and reverse. The Miz watches, pleased to see his two contenders fighting it out.

Rollins is brought to his knees by an armlock, and Finn wrenches the arm again. Rollins reverses but gets a forearm from Finn! Finn brings Rollins up but Rollins pushes him and things speed up. Rollins runs Finn over with back elbows!

Finn stands up, Rollins chops him. Rollins snapmares and kicks Finn, then even toys with Finn. He brings Finn up and into a corner, to give jabs and stomps. He backs off at the count of 4, and Finn gets out of the corner. Rollins is right back on him with a chop, then another. Finn  reverses the whip but Rollins sunsets, Finn rolls through to dropkick! Finn throws Rollins out, builds speed, and hits a wrecking ball dropkick. Then from the apron, Finn takes aim and hits the Penalty Kick! Rollins goes down, we go to break.

Raw returns, and Rollins is back in control as he puts Finn in a cravat neck wrench.

Finn endures, working his way up and out. The fans rally but Rollins brings Finn right back down. Finn tries again, fighting out with body shots, but Rollins headbutts him down. Rollins goes to the outside, drags Finn to the apron, then clubs away before hitting a running knee! Finn writhes in the ring and Rollins returns to cover, TWO. Rollins is right back on Finn with a new chinlock, and Miz continues to watch, pleased with what he’s seeing.

Finn fights his way up again, only for Rollins to sit him back down. Rollins shifts to a standing neck wrench, but Finn stands up again. Finn fights out, then backs Rollins down. Rollins catches Finn for a buckle shot! Rollins then takes aim, springboards but Finn ducks under to boot Rollins back. Finn rallies with forearms, then whips, but Rollins reverses, into a leaping lariat! Finn fires up and hits a running chop in the corner, then goes corner to corner for another running chop. Another corner to corner whip, but Rollins reverses, Finn goes up and over. Rollins boots Finn, hops up but Finn kicks him to bring him down. Finn keeps going, elbow DDT!

High stack cover, TWO, and Finn grows frustrated.

Finn stands up and aims at the slowly stirring Rollins. He goes for the slingblade but Rollins blocks, runs, but into 1916- No, Rollins knees out of the slam! He grabs Finn, wristlock reel for Revolution- No, Finn intercepts with a forearm! Finn hits a strike fest, but Rollins gives a roaring elbow, PELE to PELE! Both men go down, but the fans fire up. The ref counts, fans declare “This is Awesome!” and Rollins mule kicks. Finn evades, rolls up, TWO, takedown to double stomps! Finn hits Slingblade this time, then runs, but into a SUPERKICK! Cover from Rollins, TWO! Rollins is too tired to be frustrated. They’re both down, but stirring, and Rollins stands up first.

Rollins turns to Finn in the corner, and runs in for the forearm smash! Then another, but Finn evades the third. Finn swing kicks Rollins down, then hurries to the top rope. He takes aim but Rollins springs up to sit him down with an elbow. Rollins climbs up, but Finn fights back. Finn drives in elbows and Rollins tumbles back. Finn adjusts, but Rollins returns, a sudden SUPERPLEX to Fal- NO! Small package counter! FINN WINS! When it’s 1v1, Finn is 2-0 on Rollins!

Finn grins, but Rollins storms off. Can Rollins turn things around to get his Grand Slam? Or will Finn be up over him once again?

 

WWE celebrates Women’s History Month by honoring The Fabulous Moolah.

She rose to greatness in an era of revolutionary women in sports, and challenged the norms to become the inaugural WWE Women’s Champion, that she would hold for 27 years. She fought for equality, was the first woman to compete at Madison Square, and was the oldest WWE Women’s Champion when she won it back at the age of 75! Moolah is one of the matriarchs of the Women’s Division, and is an inspiration for the (R)Evolution that continues to this day. To truly honor her, Wrestlemania 34 will be the inception of the Fabulous Moolah Memorial Battle Royal, which is open to all the women of all WWE’s three brands, from Raw to SmackDown to NXT! Moolah made history in her lifetime, who will make history in the battle royal that honors her legacy?

 

Raw takes a look at the appearance of Ronda Rousey.

The Rowdy “Most Dangerous Woman in the world” made her presence known at the Royal Rumble, then signed her contract at Elimination Chamber. However, Angle exposed the truth about Triple H & Stephanie McMahon, and that upset Rousey. A physical confrontation led to a tense encounter on the following Raw. Things looked to be patched up, until HHH sucker punched Angle! That then led to a new and intense confrontation, where Stephanie and HHH tried to “put this all behind us”. Rousey spoke up, but Stephanie reminded her of her Wrestlemania debut. Rousey knew she could choose her opponent, so she chose Stephanie! HHH tried to save his wife from the humiliation, only to get roped into it! Stephanie & HHH will both face Rousey & Angle in a Wrestlemania Mixed Tag Match! Will the Authority regret treating their gold-medal employees like trash?

 

Asuka is here!

The Empress of Tomorrow, still undefeated, also won the Women’s Royal Rumble. Therefore, she was allowed to challenge for whichever Women’s Championship she wanted. And she showed up at Fastlane to challenge the SmackDown Women’s Champion in Charlotte Flair! So then, what is she still doing on Raw? Charly Caruso brings this all up, and asks her why. But before she can answer, Alexa Bliss comes out! Oh, and with Mickie James, too.

The Goddess says “last night was so exciting!” Did you see how Charlotte looked? But Asuka’s English isn’t so good, interviews aren’t her strong suit. Alexa will explain things on Asuka’s behalf. Firstly, Asuka is fierce, and very smart. She has the longest undefeated streak in WWE History, but how does she do that? She’s smart, and doesn’t want to risk taking on someone as good as Alexa. But Asuka is The Empress, and “nobody is ready for Asuka.” Well two weeks ago, Alexa defied the odds in the inaugural Women’s Elimination Chamber. Asuka knows she can’t beat Alexa now, “so why even try?” Some say that’s “cowardly”, but don’t listen to them. Alexa will root for Asuka to knock The Queen off her throne. Good move choosing the B-Show.

Asuka replies by saying yes, she chose Charlotte, because “to be The Woman, you got to beat The Woman.” Asuka wants the best in the WWE! Is this the language barrier? Alexa “translates” by saying Asuka went with the easier choice. No, Asuka’s beaten Alexa, so she can beat her again. Right now even! “Dream on, sweetheart.” Asuka didn’t choose Alexa, so go up against the woman who has unfinished business: …? Where is she? Um, one moment, please. Alexa and Mickie talk in private, and then punk Asuka out with a cheap shot!

Mickie says she’s ready for Asuka, that match is coming up next!

 

Asuka VS Mickie James w/ Alexa Bliss!

Raw returns to this match underway, and Mickie stomping a mudhole into Asuka. She backs off but then snapmares Asuka out for the cover, ONE. Another try, another ONE. Mickie hammers away on Asuka with right hands, then drives a knee into Asuka’s back before giving crossface punches. She drags Asuka up to knock her down, but fans rally for Asuka. Asuka fights back with elbows, then whips but Mickie reverses. Asuka dodges to hip attack Mickie down. She keeps going, kicking Mickie hard in the chest again and again. Asuka fires up, runs, but Alexa helps Mickie get out of the ring. Asuka keeps going, hitting Mickie with a sliding knee from the apron! Mickie goes down, and Alexa is frightened as Asuka drags Mickie up and in.

Mickie slips back out, but Asuka pursues her. She kicks Mickie at the barriers, and drags her off the barriers to throw her into the LED apron. Mickie stands up, Asuka swings a kick, but Mickie ducks! Asuka’s foot hits the post!

Asuka falls, a ring count begins! The Streak could be just ten counts away from being over! Asuka crawls on one foot and gets back in, but Mickie is right on her. She goes after the bad leg, wrapping it up in the ropes. Asuka writhes, rolling out to the apron. Mickie goes after her out there, swinging the leg back into that post. Alexa loves what she sees as Mickie drags Asuka back in.

Asuka gets to a corner, but Mickie is still on her. Mickie puts that leg in the ropes again but Asuka fights her off. Mickie mule kicks Asuka down, then bgrings her up, only to end up in the Asuka lock! Wait it’s a cover, TWO!! They both spring up, SUPERKICK from Asuka! Both women are down, but then crawl over to each toher. They brawl back and forth with forearms. Asuka gives off backhands and haymakers, then runs at Mickie for a corner hip attack! She keeps going, pop-up knee and cover, TWO! Asuka fires up, but misses a kick, Mickie chopblocks it out. Then the flapjack to kip-up and Mickie goes to the top rope. Asuka gets up there and stops her, but Mickie fights back. Mickie sunset flip powerbombs!

TWO!! Another cover, TWO, and Mickie throws more hands. She is frustrated, but keeps going, Mick Kick misses! Asuka Lock is on!! Mickie reaches, cries for Alexa, but there’s nothing they can do! Mickie taps, Asuka wins and keeps the Streak! The Goddess storms away, upset her plan didn’t work.

But more importantly, can Asuka’s leg recover in time to challenge the Queen?

 

Alexa finds Nia Jax backstage.

What happened? She gave the cue, but Nia didn’t show up. Angle said not to, because Nia has a match next. But Alexa set this up for Nia! She knows Nia wants payback and redemption. Please don’t still be sulking. So what if she let people down? She’s Alexa’s friend. And Alexa was there to pick up the pieces, because she loves her. Love you, too, Bliss. They hug it out, and Alexa gives some “tough love.” Does Nia have Alexa’s back next week? Yes. Okay, good! Now go show the world that the Irresistible Force is back!

 

Nia Jax VS Joan King!

The Brutal Beauty has Bliss’ love and support, but is that enough to put her back on track in the Raw Women’s Division? Joan King better hope not… The bell rings and Nia corners Joan right away. Joan begs for mercy, but Nia shows none. She throws, flattens and throws Joan again, before hitting a BIG running elbow drop! Nia isn’t done with Joan yet. She lifts her in the fireman’s carry, and hits the Samoan Drop! Nia wins quick, seems the pep talk worked.

Backstage, cameras turn on while Alexa & Mickie talk.

Asuka should be grateful she didn’t have to face Nia tonight. But speaking of, Mickie can’t believe what Alexa said to Nia last week. The truth hurts. But that was being nice. Alexa could’ve been meaner. Meaner than calling her an outcast? Mickie almost died when Alexa got all tearjerker. Yeah it’s like watching Shrek in TSA. But Nia is happy being Alexa’s bag-carrier. Nia needs to be coddled because she can’t handle the truth: Alexa uses her, and can because Nia is vulnerable. Just look at the difference between the two of them.

But she screwed them over tonight. Alexa assures Mickie that Nia will do what she wants. She’s easily manipulated, and is as dumb as she is big. And gullible! “Aw I love you too~!” Nia is nothing without Alexa. Alexa makes Nia relevant. Like high school. Nia will do the heavy lifting, Alexa gets all the glory. Though if Nia for whatever reason thinks for herself for once, they can both just beat her up. Where is Charly, by the way? She finally shows up, but points out the cameras and mics were live… Oh… Oh…!! Nia makes her way to the back, holding back the tears, and replacing it with anger! She heads for the locker rooms!

Alexa & Mickie sense they’re in danger, and run for it, through the back. Smart move, as Nia comes barreling in and ripping everything apart! Nia finds Alexa’s jacket, tosses it, then tosses everything else! No interview, but will there be hell to pay?

 

Raw gives us a glimpse of Ultimate Deletion!

“For eons, the Great War has waged between” WOKEN Matt Hardy and Bray Wyatt. To Wyatt, Hardy is a fool, and “his words mean nothing.” But the eternal battle must reach a completion, but “a god can never die.” Therefore, Hardy challenged Wyatt to a battle at the Hardy Compound. Queen Rebecca, King Maxell, Lord Wolfgang, Senor Benjamin and Vanguard One will help Hardy banish Sister Abigail from Bray Wyatt’s vessel. The Lake of Reincarnation shall free Wyatt, where he shall be DELETED!

But Bray Wyatt responds.

“Matt Hardy is a liar.” And a fool. But above all, Hardy is “just a man.” And a man that has made a bad decision. Wyatt knows Hardy is listening, so he gives some advice: “When the Devil is standing at your doorstep, you should never let him in.” That said, Wyatt accepts the invitation to the Hardy Compound. Hardy has a lovely home, and a beautiful family, so it’d be a real shame if something bad were to happen to all of them. “I’m coming for you, Matt. Run!”

Angle reacts to all this.

He always knew Bray was crazy, but what happened to Matt? But he’s visited by a referee. Angle lets the referee know that since this Ultimate Deletion is under Raw jurisdiction, they need an official to oversee it. Did he do something wrong? No, but angle just wants to make sure things are safe enough that both superstars return to Raw in one piece. The referee heads out with his orders, but what can one man in stripes do when the Great War breaks loose?

 

Raw Tag Team Championship #1 Contenders Battle Royal!

The Bar said they defeated all the teams there were to beat on Raw, but then all the teams on Raw showed up to beat The Bar down! Now all the teams available on the Raw roster will compete until only one remains in the ring. Which duo will outlast all the others to test Sheamus & Cesaro on the Grandest Stage of Them All?

Speaking of, Sheamus & Cesaro reappear to watch this match first hand while on commentary. But then, Braun Strowman appears?!

But he’s not in a tag team! He gets in the ring, and the fans chant “Get These Hands”! The bell rings at Strowman’s demand, and he goes and eliminates Apollo Crews! The other teams all fight, but Slater tries to take on Strowman, only to be thrown down. Strowman chases Slater out of the ring, through the middle rope so they’re both viable, and Strowman blasts Slater into barriers! The battle royal continues in the ring, but Strowman brings Slater around to tosse him back in. Strowman returns and keeps after Slater, to throw him right out! Rhyno and all the others see it’s just him versus the eight of them.

With numbers on their side, they go after the Monster Among Men! They push Strowman to the ropes, but then The Revival throw Rhyno out to eliminate that team.

Titus goes after the #TopGuys, and that means less men on Strowman. Strowman powers his way out and rocks everyone from The Miztourage to the Club. Titus returns and stands up to Strowman while the others regroup safely on the outside. Titus changes his mind, he regroups with them. The eight huddle up while we go to break.

Raw returns and Strowman is climbing back in, but ends up in another 8v1 beating. He powers out and explodes out!

He rocks the Revival with uppercuts, but Anderson, Titus and Gallows all boot him one after the other. Strowman falls out, but thruogh the middle rope. The Club goes after Titus while the rest throw Strowman into steps! Then teh Revival use the steps to knock him backward. The Miztourage do the day, but Strwoman stays up. That brings all four using the steps an dthey battering ram Strowman into the timekeeper’s area! Meanwhile, Titus fights off the Good Brothers, while the other teams reenter. Titus takes care of each of them in turn, and focuses on Dash with body shots. He chops Dash then throws him across the way, and fans fire up with him!

Titus barks, and runs corner to corner to squash Dawson, before hitting Clash of the Titus! The Miztourage go after Titus together, stomping the Gator out. Dash helps out, then they all coordinate again to drag Titus up. When that doesn’t work, the Revival turn on The Miztourage. They stomp Axel, but then Dawson gets dumped out by Bo! The Revival still work together to go after Bo, but Axel grabs Dash and throws him out! No more #TopGuys, but the Good Brothers revive to take care of the Miztourage. Titus revives to knock the Good Brothers down, then works to toss Gallows. Strowman returns to toss out Titus!

Gallows kicks away on Strowman, but runs into a clothesline that sends him out! The Miztourage go after Strowman, but that’s not enough! POWERSLAM for Axel! POWERSLAM for Bo! Strowman throws them both out in turn, but Anderson kicks out Strwoman’s legs! The Machine Gun kicks and kicks, and mule kicks, but Strowman catches that last one to toss Anderson back! And then, he lifts Anderson, shouting “I’m going to Wrestlemania!” as he throws Anderson out onto the others! Strowman wins?! But, he’s still not a tag team! How can he challenge The Bar as just one man? Er, as just one monster?

 

My Thoughts:

Well this was a strange, confusing but overall exciting Raw. WWE still uses Lesnar’s absence as reason enough for Reigns to be upset and the reason fans should like him more. Reigns is still doing good mic work with it, but it seemed a little hypocritical for Reigns to criticize Lesnar as “Vince’s Boy” when in reality, so is Reigns. Reigns being “suspended” for the night is just kayfabe establishing that Reigns is the Steve Austin in this situation and it’ll add to his fire when he finally encounters Lesnar.

The Women’s Division segments were pretty good, such as the question of Bayley’s friendship with Sasha. It might be a slow turn, but Bayley going Heel would be an interesting choice. Nia is clearly going to go Face, though, given how Alexa was exposed as an even meaner Heel than anyone thought. Also great to hear about the Fabulous Moolah Memorial Battle Royal, that is gonna be a fun way to get more women involved on Wrestlemania and fill out a bit more of the insane run time WWE insists on.

The Miz is still best Heel in all of the WWE, getting two Faces to go after each other like he did. Finn winning again is actually great for Rollins, because it’ll paint him as the underdog challenger. I don’t see Miz as an underdog since he can pounce on opportunities created by Finn and Rollins, so it’ll be up to Rollins to be better than both Miz and Finn combined if he wants that Grand Slam. Cena went hard, too, calling out The Undertaker that way. The Undertaker could easily show up tomorrow night to give him and Cena six shows to build things with since both are “free agents” between brands, and it’d really help SmackDown get the ratings it desperately needs.

Ultimate Deletion on Raw is going to be great, and thinking about it, it is better it’s on WWE TV and not a PPV because the live audience at ‘Mania will be much more upset they end up just watching big screens compared to a smaller Raw venue audience. The “match” could go either way and still leave both men for something even bigger at ‘Mania. The Tag Team Division got a lot of play tonight, and that “Bar brawl” was a fun surprise, where even the jobber tag teams of Slater-Rhyno and The Miztourage got their hits in. But then the battle royal being joined by the Monster Among Men is the strangest moment, because he’s just the Monster, singular. He has no teammate, but he was still allowed into the match (out of fear), and still won the match! I love Strowman, but what’s going on?!

My Score: 8.5/10


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Mitchell’s WWE Extreme Rules Report! (7/15/18)

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This card’s stacked with a Raw Women’s Championship Extreme Rules, a 30-Minute Ironman Intercontinental Championship, and a WWE Championship Rusev Day!

 

All images courtesy of the WWE’s official Twitter

 

OFFICIAL RESULTS

  • Kickoff Show: Andrade “Cien” Almas w/ Zelina Vega VS Sin Cara; Almas wins.
  • Kickoff Show: Six Man Tag Tables Match: SAnitY VS The New Day; SAnitY wins.
  • Raw Tag Team Championships: The Deleters of Worlds VS The B Team; wins and
  • Finn Balor VS Constable Baron Corbin; wins.
  • SmackDown Women’s Championship Shark Cage Match: Carmella w/ James Ellsworth (in a Shark Cage) VS Asuka; wins and
  • Raw Women’s Championship Extreme Rules Match: Alexa Bliss VS Nia Jax; wins and
  • WWE United States Championship: Jeff Hardy VS Shinsuke Nakamura; wins and
  • WWE Intercontinental Championship 30 Minute Ironman Match: Dolph Ziggler w/ Drew McIntyre VS Seth Rollins; wins and
  • SmackDown Tag Team Championships: The Bludgeon Brothers VS Team Hell No; wins and
  • Steel Cage Match: Braun Strowman VS Kevin Owens; wins.
  • Roman Reigns VS Bobby Lashley; wins.
  • WWE Championship: AJ Styles VS Rusev w/ Aiden English; wins and

PLAY BY PLAY

Finn Balor joins the Kickoff Panel!

What does he think about Braun Strowman VS Kevin Owens in a Cage? Finn doesn’t envy Kevin tonight. As for Baron Corbin, Finn feels Corbin’s singing voice is the only thing worse than his wardrobe. Let’s just say Corbin isn’t American Idol material. Finn’s been dealing with guys like Corbin, but he’s gonna chop this tree down. And if it means making Stephanie McMahon an enemy for it, he’ll happily do it. Can the Extraordinary Man stop the Constable from ruining Raw?

 

Kickoff Show: Andrade “Cien” Almas w/ Zelina Vega VS Sin Cara!

Former amigos are now enemies as El Idolo has been listening to his manager and following her business plan. Almas won on SmackDown, but can he do it just minutes away from Extreme Rules?

The bell rings and the rematch begins. Almas swings on Sin Cara with a heavy hayamker, then dodges him. Sin Cara tilt-o-whirls to arm-drag, then headscissors! Almas slips out but Sin Cara runs. Almas comes in but Sin Cara anticipates his counter to dump him out again. Sin Cara builds speed to DIVE, but Almas throws him into barriers! Vega likes that, and Sin Cara writhes while Almas catches his breath. Almas puts Sin Cara in the ring, but fans rally up for the masked luchador. Almas stomps away on Sin Cara, then throws forearms. He runs and dropkicks Sin Cara in the head. Almas stomps Sin Cara more, then drags him up to whip him to a corner. Sin Cara tries to boot, but gets caught into a draping backbreaker and DDT. Cover, TWO.

Vega grows frustrated now, she wants Almas to finish this fast. Sin Cara hits back, then runs, but into a back elbow! He ends up outside the ring now, and Almas runs to Tranquilo! Vega joins him, and the two have control while we go picture in picture.

Almas fetches Sin Cara ot chop him against the barrier. Vega applauds Almas as he drags Sin Cara up and into the ring. Almas stalks and stomps Sin Cara more, then wrenches the arm in a seated armbar. Fans rally and Sin Cara fights his way up. Sin Cara fights back but Almas wrangles him down while we go to single picture. Almas wrenches harder, but Sin Cara refuses to quit. Fans rally up again and Sin Cara stands. Sin Cara fights back again, then backs Almas down to arm-drag him away. Sin Cara dodges from the corner, then throws forearms. Almas throws back and they brawl. Sin Cara chops and chops, then whips. Almas reverses, but Sin Cara springboards for the crossbody! Then again for the quebrada! Sin Cara is fired up, but is tossed up, for another tilt-o-whirl spike-rana! Cover, TWO!

Vega is furious but Sin Cara is ready. Sin Cara brings Almas up, but Almas blocks the suplex. Almas slips out and boots back, then climbs up. Sin Cara swing kicks Almas! Almas is stuck up top and Sin Cara chops him. Sin Cara positions Almas then climbs up, but Almas fights back. Almas trips Sin Cara up, Tree of Woe but Sin Cara slips out to shove Almas down! Almas hits the apron back first, then crawls into the ring. Sin Cara goes up, for a SUPER huricanrana! BOth men crash and burn to the ground, but Sin Cara is up first. He puts Almas in the ring, climbs up again, FROG SPLASH! But Vega distracts on the apron! Almas dropkicks Sin Cara down. Vega chants for them, Almas gives us CIEN KNEES! And the Hammerlock DDT! Cover, Almas wins!

Winner: Andrade “Cien” Almas, by pinfall

El Idolo gets the sweep, but with help from his business partner this time. Will Sin Cara get some back-up before trying again? Or are Almas & Vega on to bigger and better things?

 

Shinsuke Nakamura is in the Social Media Lounge.

Can he hear Renee on the panel? Does he have a working mic? The King of Strong Style is set to face Jeff Hardy, how does he feel about the United States Champion? Shinsuke continues to “not hear” anyone. But then he speaks up, claiming “bad connection.” After his rivalry with AJ Styles, how important is tonight’s win? “You’re a clown, like Jeff Hardy.” Perhaps, but how important is winning the US title? What? Well, one artist to another, Nakamura respects Hardy. But tonight, Hardy will lose his canvas, his paint, and his title. With that, Nakamura’s time is over, but is it really just beginning?

 

Dolph Ziggler & Drew McIntyre join the Kickoff panel.

The pulse of the nation wants THE top champion on Raw to be around, and that’s Ziggler. Ziggler has made his career out of turning small opportunities into big ones. “Opportunist” gets a negative connotation, but Ziggler is proud to be one. Ziggler’s been in Rollins’ spot, with fans behind you as well as against you. The WWE Universe is the 12th Man, but they’re also very fickle. You need to worry about yourself and the title, oh and he has McIntyre watching his back. Rollins lost to the “psychopath” Scotsman, and now McIntyre can be ringside for that Ironman Match.

So McIntyre is a part of Ziggler’s strategy? Yes, because McIntyre isn’t like the WWE Universe, who are only behind Rollins while they’re here. McIntyre is on Ziggler’s side 24/7, and they’re not tired of winning. Ziggler won’t worry about stealing the show, he’s just here to win. Main event no matter the spot, but will Rollins be the one stealing the win?

 

Kickoff Show: Six Man Tag Tables Match: SAnitY VS The New Day!

Awwwwww~ Pittsburgh! Don’t you dare be sour! Someone is going through a table, so feel~ the power~! Can the power of positivity overcome pure chaos? Or will Eric Young and his anarchic allies begin their own Purge in SmackDown?

The bell rings, annd it’s a brawl! All six men pair off as Big E goes after Killian Dain and Kofi clotheslines Alexander Wolfe out of the ring. Woods clubs away on Young but Young whips. Woods reverses and sends Young out of the ring while Big E throws Dain into steps! Kofi kicks Wolfe while he’s down, and then the New Day present the first table! They set it up but SAnitY pounces! Wolfe clubs Big E while Young kicks Kofi. Dain has Woods while the others put Big E in the ring. Young & Wolfe stomp away then drag Big E up for body shots. Big E slips out and Young hits Wolfe by accident. Big E dumps Young out, and then runs at them both, but into double knees! Wolfe drags E up while Young climbs. Swinging neckbreaker then elbow drop in that order!

Woods and Kofi have wiped out “Big Damo” in the meantime, but that still leaves Big E alone against two opponents. We go picture in picture while E endures stomps. Wolfe brings Big E up for a haymaker from Young. Young and Wolfe kick and choke Big E against ropes, and there are no rules keeping them from doing it. But Big E revives to throw hands! Only for Young to clobber him again. Young & Wolfe choke Big E more while we go back to single picture. They haul Big E up, but Big E holds on. Kofi & Woods return to throw Wolfe & Young out! Then together, Woods & Kofi FLY! They wipe out Young & Wolfe, but Big Damo returns, to DIVE!!

The Beast of Belfast wipes them both out, then he drags Kofi up and into the ring. SAnitY regroups to go after Kofi while getting a table of their own. Make that two tables! Wolfe hoists Kofi up to the top rope while the tables are set up. Young keeps Woods and Big E down while the preparations finish. Wolfe wants a STACK, so that’s what they make! Kofi resists, so Young & Damo come in to help. Big E goes after Big Damo, yurinagi and backstabber with Woods’ help! The New Day regroup to help Kofi with Young & Wolfe. Double powerbomb stomps! Steel City is fired up as The New Day stand. Big E drags Young up while Kofi kicks Wolfe out. They bring Young over to the first table, and set him up. Kofi climbs but Damo drags him down off the top!

Big E and Woods run in, but into a clothesline, and a Michinoku Driver that drives Woods into Big E! Kofi kicks Damo in the corner, then Trouble in Paradise! Damo goes down, and Young is still on that table. Kofi takes aim, but Wolfe runs in. Wolfe is sent onto the apron, but Young gets away while Wolfe picks Kofi up. Kofi turns it around, but Wolfe holds on for dear life. Wolfe fights back and even bites Kofi’s face! Kofi teeters, Young jumps to drive Kofi through!!

Winners: SAnitY, Kofi going through table

Anarchy rules the day! Is this a new day of doom and gloom for SmackDown’s Tag Team Division?

 

The Deleters of Worlds speak.

“B Team, you mendacious monkeys!” The rules of extreme shall end their streak of luck. “We’re here, and we’re next.”

 

WWE takes it to the Extreme!

Two alphas fight for supremacy, two frenemies reunite, and two men go for no less than 30 minutes to decide who is the rightful Intercontinental Championship, and that’s only some of what’s in store for tonight. The Goddess and Irresistible Force go to the Extreme with the namesake match. A Prizefighter is stuck in a cage with a Monster! And a Bulgarian Brute looks to be better than Phenomenal in his first world title match! Who will be victorious on this 10th anniversary of Extreme Rules!?

 

Raw Tag Team Championships: The Deleters of Worlds VS The B Team!

The undefeated “Best” Team of Monday Night Raw wishes to mock and belittle the WOKEN Wisdom of the Consumer of Terrestrial Entities and the vessel known as Matt Hardy. However, this only served to raise the ire of both eternal beings, and now there must be RETRIBUTION! Will Axel & Bo be EATEN, DELETED and DEFEATED!?

 


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Mitchell’s Ring of Honor Report! (7/7/18)

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ROH WRESTLING TELEVISION, Episode 355

ROH goes to the extreme as Cheeseburger and Bully Ray battle in a No Holds Barred Match! With no rules but to win, can Burger survive the hardcore legend?!

 

All images courtesy of the Fite.TV app and streaming service

 

OFFICIAL RESULTS

  • Riley Shepard & Gabby Ortiz VS Sumie Sakai & Stella Grey; Sumie & Stella win.
  • No Holds Barred: Bully Ray Dudley VS Cheeseburger; Bully Ray wins.
  • Titan VS Cody w/ Brandi Rhodes & Bernard the Business Bear; Cody wins.

PLAY BY PLAY

Cody & Brandi Rhodes speak.

“You know those stories about pirates that plundered a ship and leave a man behind, marauders that raid a village and leave one behind?” Both fiction and reality, one person was always left behind to tell the tale. Titan, you’re going to experience that as Cody leaves just enough gas left for you to crawl back to CMLL. That way, he can tell them that if they want to maintain a relationship with Cody’s ROH, they need to send someone bigger, better. No one’s bigger than Cody. Cody laughs and hugs his wife, but will he need to be consoled by her after tonight?

 

Riley Shepard & Gabby Ortiz VS Sumie Sakai & Stella Grey!

The Women of Honor return as the inaugural ROH WOH Champion teams with the ROH Dojo graduate to take on the debuting Geek Gladiator and returning Gift of Gab. Can the Ray of Sunshine continue on her roll since becoming champion, even in 2v2 competition? Or will there be a shocking non-title upset from the Monster Factory graduates?

The Code of Honor is upheld, and Stella starts with Riley. They circle with the bell and tie up. Riley gets a headlock then wrenches the arm. Stella rolls through to reverse the wrench, then brings Riley to the mat. Riley gets up and arm-drags but Stella holds on. Stella has Riley in the armlock, but Riley gets up and whips. Stella reverses the whip, then drop toeholds, and Sumie adds the dropkick before Stella hits the elbow drop. Sumie goes back to her corner while Stella covers, TWO.

Stella brings Riley up but Riley rolls Stella away from Sumie. Riley kicks Stella down, then tags to Gabby. Gabby neck snaps Stella then hits a basement dropkick. Cover, TWO, but Gabby keeps her cool. Fans rally up while Gabby tags Riley back. They double Russian leg sweep Stella, then Riley cartwheels to drop knees. Cover, TWO, but Gabby & the Geek keep control while we go to break.

ROH returns and Stella suplex fights with Gabby. They go for a suplex at the same time, but cancel out. Stella suddenly throws Gabby overhead! Stella crawls for Sumie while fans fire up. Gabby crawls for Riley, hot tags to her and Sumie! Sumie rallies on Riley with Mongolian chops! She’s all fired up as she whips but Riley reverses, only for Sumie to hammerlock and forearm Riley! Sumie runs, and bowls Riley over with a forearm smash! She hits the shining wizard, covers, but Gabby breaks it up quick. Gabby and Riley double whips Sumie, but Sumie breaks through to hit them with double clotheslines! Gabby and Riley end up in opposite corners, so Sumie forearms Riley before grinding a boot into Gabby.

Sumie hits Riley with another forearm, then the swinging knee! She goes after Gabby but Gabby puts her on the apron. Sumie knocks Gabby away, then climbs up top. Missile dropkick! Riley gets up to roll Sumie, TWO! Sumie gets back at her with the TJ Neckbreaker! TWO! Sumie’s surprised, but she’s not done yet. She brings Riley up but Riley jawbreakers. Gabby returns for a jumping DDT! Riley fireman’s carry but Sumie slips out. Riley kicks away and rock Sumie with a roundhouse. Cover, but Stella breaks it just in time. Gabby hits Stella, then whips Stella, only for Stella to SPEAR her down! Riley gets Stella with an Exploder! She swings on Sumie but Sumie counters with a back elbow. Sumie then gets Riley in the Smash Mouth!

Cover, Sumie & Stella win!

Winners: Sumie Sakai & Stella Grey, Sumie pinning

Gabby & Riley did the Monster Factory proud, but it wasn’t enough to stop this Ray of Sunshine. Will the star of Japan’s Jersey Shore make this inaugural reign an instant classic?

 

ROH looks at what led to tonight’s No Holds Barred match.

Cheeseburger requested such an intense match after everything Bully Ray has done to him. It was back at Supercard of Honor XII that The Dawgs challenged Burger to a match, but Burger needed a partner. So Burger turned to a man he thought would help him in the tag team hall of fame legend. Bully accepted, and the two rallied on Rhett & Ferrara, only for Bully to turn on Burger mid-match! Bully was disgusted by Burger putting him on the spot. To Bully, Burger and wrestlers like him are what’s wrong with wrestling today.

Then, as Burger looked for payback at War of the Worlds back in May, Bully robbed him of it with a low blow! Bully let himself be counted out as he glared at fans, then came back to hurt Burger more with a powerbomb. Burger got back at Bully a couple days later with a low blow, only to suffer a SUPER sit-out powerbomb! Bully added insult to injury as he used chains to whip and lash Burger. Burger wins on the record books, but he wants more. Now he will enter the hardcore legend’s territory in a match with No Disqualifications and No Count Outs! Will Burger truly win against his Bully? Or will he be lucky to survive?!

 

No Holds Barred: Bully Ray Dudley VS Cheeseburger!

ROH is about to go extreme!

It’s Burger Time, but this won’t be fun and games. Bully literally let Burger win their past two meetings, once by disqualification, then by count-out. Now there’s no way for Bully to keep himself protected from a loss to the underdog, will Bully be a man and finish this fight?

Bully sure seems to do something, as he rushes the ring, already armed with a kendo stick!

Though, he doesn’t use it yet, as he sneaks up behind the fired up Burger for a low blow! Burger tumbles down and fans rain down boos and jeers as the bell rings. Fans do cheer “E C Dub! E C Dub!” for the legend, too, as the Hammerstein Ballroom is old stomping grounds for one half of Team 3D. Bully also shows he has a cheese grater for the Cheeseburger. Burger is clutching his nuts but Bully won’t give him time to rest. He hammers Burger down then brings in a trash can to SMASH Burger with it! Bully grimaces down at Burger as he drags him over, to whip him into barriers! Bully trash talks Burger, egging him on as he hammers Burger again. He brings Burger up and around to bounce off the timekeeper’s table.

Cary Silkin gets up from his seat, not wanting to be this close to the action, and Bully gets in his face about it. The fans sense a table in their future, but Bully puts Burger into the ring instead. Bully talks trash to Cary again, then goes back to Burger. Fans let Bully know what they think of him as he brings Burger up. Bully sets Burger on the top rope, and into a Tree of Woe, to stand on the crotch! Bully tortures Burger’s nuggets, and reminds everyone, especially the referee, that there are no disqualifications. He starts intimidating the referee, and fans boo and jeer. Bully watches Burger on the mat, refusing to quit. Burger drags himself up but Bully is on him again with a trophy lift! And then throws him to the mat! Bully mocks the fans by lending an ear, brother.

Bully, still talking crap to Cary, then grabs that kendo stick and takes his time playing around. He dares the ref to do something, then he SMACKS Burger across the back. Burger writhes in pain but Bully won’t end it. Bully continues to, well, bully the referee, but we take a commercial break.

ROH returns but Bully still toys with Burger. He lifts Burger up with the kendo stick to jab it into Burger’s ribs. Bully says “This is what you wanted.” He puts up his hands to jab and jab away. Burger wobbles as Bully winds up the Bionic Elbow, but Bully takes too long and Burger picks up the kendo stick! Burger SMACKS Bully back! And his front! Fans are fired up with Burger as he just swings for the fences! Bully is writhing in pain now as fans chant for Burger. Burger keeps going, then chokes Bully with the stick! Bully snapmares Burger off, then kicks him before picking him up for a powerbomb TOSS!

Burger crash lands on the mat, but Bully isn’t done with him. Bully is stinging from the kendo stick strikes, but Hammerstein shouts “We Want Tables!” Bully rejects that idea to present a chain! He whips and slaps Burger over and over with the steel, daring Burger to get up. The referee won’t let Bully continue, “He’s had enough!” Bully says “He’s had enough when I say he’s had a enough.” The ref pleads with Bully but Bully whips HIM with the chain! That’s the last straw for Colt Cabana, he rushes the ring!

Cabana SPEARS Bully and throws furious right hands! Hammerstein is thunderous as Cabana grabs that chain, to clothesline Bully with it! Fans are chanting “Colt Cabana!” as the ROH veteran takes that cheese grater, and hands it to Burger! He brings Bully around to open the way, and Burger goes up to ask, WAZZUP!? The cheese grater to the nuts, that’s what! And Burger grinds it in deep! Fans are thunderous for Burger, as Cabana tells him, “Burger! Get the tables!” Fans like that!

Burger & Cabana grab a table, drag it into the ring, but Bully revives and grabs Burger, to back suplex him down. Cabana is beside himself as Bully brings the table out for his own uses. Cabana tries to coach Burger up but Bully is on him again. Bully brings Burger over, sets him on the table, then hammers away to keep him there. Bully climbs up, takes aim, and leaps, but Burger dodges! The splash belly-flops through the table!

Burger crawls over, makes the cover, but there’s no referee! Another one appears, counts, TWO!! If only there wasn’t the delay, Burger would’ve won by now. But Burger still has something left. He fires up, takes aim, but now BJ Whitmer brings Cabana away from ringside. Bully boots Burger down, covers, Bully wins!

Winner: Bully Ray Dudley, by pinfall

Just as Burger was closing in on true victory, Bully pulls a win out of nowhere. The referee helps him stand up, but Bully shoves him out of the ring! Bully celebrates for himself, and surprisingly doesn’t beat down Burger more. Will this bully ever get what he truly deserves?

 

It’s Coleman’s Pulpit!

The Most Versatile Man in Sports Today returns to bring us the truth, for the truth will help you see. Today’s guest, or rather guests, are the most requested guests and the ROH World Six Man Tag Team Champions, The Kingdom.

The Kingdom’s Matt Taven & TK O’Ryan are honored to be on the show, they’re big fans of Caprice Coleman. Huge fans even. They were raised right, because they never come to a party without bringing a gift. The Kingdom remembers Coleman’s days in the Rebellion, and that sweet beret. They have a nice little surprise: a brand new… Dunce cap! Or rather, “Melvin” cap. Oh, and balloons, courtesy of Vinnie Marseglia. Want some wine? No thanks. Well alright. Vinnie drinks his from a balloon…?

Moving on, the two-time Six Man champs are going to learn who their next contenders are after a five-team Gauntlet match! Isn’t that a little fishy? The Kingdom had to wait a whole year to get their rematch, but a “merry bunch of Melvins” get a shortcut to a title match? Caprice is a smart man, is that a conspiracy to him? Perhaps. Coleman remembers a story, there was a guy who got everything handed to him. His parents bought him a luxury sedan for his 16th birthday, but then he wrecked it! So what did he do then? He just asked for another, and his parents got him one. This time it was a mid-size, because now he’d have to drive his siblings around. This “adversity” made that young man spruce up that car into the best out of what they head. Like The Kingdom and the titles!

Hey, wait. Are they the sedan in this story?! Is Coleman claiming there’s no conspiracy?! Well he just thought they were passed that. There IS a conspiracy! Matt is #TwoBeltsOneTaven and he should have THREE belts! He’s the real ROH World Champion! And by the way, that hat was calling Coleman a Melvin the entire time. Coleman tells “Pauly Shore” here that he is no Melvin, and they are his guests, “you jive turkey!” Says you, you Melvin jive turkey SUCKA! Back at you, you jive TIVE turkey! That’s Dr. Jive Turkey to you, Melvin! Doctor? More like SUCKA Jive Tive- Balloon pop. Y’all’re crazy. And that’s coming from Vinnie. Taven isn’t crazy, he’s a champion. And Coleman’s pocket square isn’t even real. The Kingdom storm out, leaving Coleman to close his segment with a “See you later.”

 

SoCal Uncensored speaks.

“Matt Taven, the Kingdom, I have to applaud you.” First, they took advantage of Three-Team Six Man chaos to keep those titles in the UK. Second, there’s now a “wacky gauntlet” so that SCU has to battle everyone else for a rematch they should already have. That’s fine by Daniels, because the SCU is happy to beat up all the filler ROH creates for this gauntlet to happen. In New York, all the wannabe badass trios can bring it on, because the SCU will bring that #MandatoryViolence. Will Daniels, Kaz & Scorpio win against four other would-be contenders to get their rematch with The Kingdom?

 

The Dawgs are desperate.

They need a third man to even be part of the Six Man Tag Gauntlet, but if they want Shane Taylor to be that third man, they need lots and lots of cash! Maybe they can squeeze some of the other guys for money. Ryan Nova comes along but doesn’t want any trouble. Then give up some cash! He doesn’t have any on him, so Rhett shakes him down. Look, it’s his wallet! Wait, all he has is $6 and a bunch of receipts? Now what? Can they at least give Ryan his wallet back? Yes, and a swift jab, too! “Keep the change, you filthy animal.” The Dawgs laugh their way out, but with barely enough money for drinks, how are they gonna pay the Notorious Hitman?

 

Titan VS Cody w/ Brandi Rhodes & Bernard the Business Bear!

The crossover of ROH and CMLL continue, but the American Nightmare vows to make this an ultimatum. Will the former ROH World Champion prove the oldest promotion needs to step it up? Or will he find that he’s the one not on CMLL’s level?

Cody upholds the Code of Honor with Titan, but then wants Titan to kiss the ring. Titan declines, he just wants to wrestle. The bell rings and the two circle. Cody wants Titan to hold on a moment, as he gets some push-ups in. Cody gets his pump and flexes, so Titan shows off his flexibility with neck stretches. Fans like that, and even Cody applauds. Fans chant “Lucha! Lucha!” for CMLL as Cody and Titan circle again. They tie up, Cody gets a headlock and takeover, but Titan stands back up. Titan fights out then powers out, but Cody runs him over. Titan kips back up, and Cody admits that was good. But then Cody kicks low and drops for the uppercut.

Titan comes back with quick kicks, then whips. Cody reverses and things speed up, but Titan shows his balance with the handstand, only for Cody to kick him down. Cody flexes to embrace both cheers and jeers. He stalks Titan to a corner, then whips him corner to corner, but Titan reverses. Titan runs in but is put on the apron. Titan swing kicks Cody away, then springboards for a crossbody! Dropkick on top, and Titan dares Cody to come back. Titan runs, but Bernard swipes at him! Titan backs the bear down, but Cody comes back. Cody misses but then Brandi trips Titan up. Cody pounces on Titan, then covers. TWO, but the former champion is still in control while we go to one more break.

ROH returns once more, and Cody goes after Titan’s mask! The referee counts so Cody backs off to hear the fans boo and jeer, brother. Fans only boo and jeer more as Cody goes side to side. Cody goes back to Titan and whips him into a corner. Cody gives a corner clothesline, then another. He slaps Titan, then embraces the heat. Cody runs corner to corner, but Titan follows with a big corner clothesline! Titan kicks Cody between ropes over and over, then springboards for a missile dropkick! He keeps moving, giving another dropkick to send Cody out. Titan and the fans rally up, and Titan builds speed, but Bernard trips him! Titan goes after Bernard, but then Cody rushes in. Cody swings on Titan, but Titan dodges and Cody hits Bernard instead! Cody checks on Bernard, but then Titan mule kicks and SUPER Asai Moonsaults!

Titan wipes out both Cody and Bernard! Bernard’s head came off! Is he dead?! Brandi tries to help the mascot, but Titan grabs her by the sling. The referee warns Titan, and Titan thinks better of it, so he just hits Cody again. Titan puts Cody back in the ring, then climbs up top. Fans fire up, but Cody sees him and goes to the opposite side. Titan hops down, but Cody boots him down! Cody shouts for Brandi to give him something. She throws in her hairspray, but it ends up closer to Titan. Titan picks it up, but the referee takes it away. This leaves Titan open to Cody’s low blow kick! Then Beautiful Disaster Kick! TWO!? Titan survives somehow, but Cody grows frustrated.

Cody drags Titan up, and the two brawl with forearms. They go back and forth, then Cody jabs and throws haymakers. Cody runs, but Titan goes Matrix to then calf kick! Titan runs, but Cody uses the ref as a shield. Titan stops, and in the distraction, Cody snatches the mask off!! Small package, Cody wins!!

Winner: Cody, by pinfall

Such disrespect and dishonor, but for the American Nightmare, a win is a win. Cody and Brandi laugh at the embarrassed luchador, but will they get the last laugh in the hunt for the ROH World Championship?

 


 

My Thoughts:

This was a good episode of ROH. Not as good as other weeks, but still good. The WOH Division tag match was alright, but it could’ve been better. Perhaps while Gabby & Riley have worked together and they have chemistry, they just weren’t as familiar with Sumie and Stella. That and the fans didn’t really know whether to cheer or boo Sumie, they went back and forth at times. In the end, Sumie’s team wins because the inaugural WOH Champion should only lose in singles competition, and only to someone fitting. With Deonna Purrazzo headed back to the WWE, it seems like it’ll be between Kelly Klein or Tenille Dashwood to be the next #1 contender.

That No Holds Barred Match went as could be expected. I like this new element of Bully targeting Cary Silkin, former owner of ROH before the Sinclair purchase, and still an active producer of the show. I bet Bully will end up facing Colt Cabana at some point, with how Cabana did his best to even things out for Cheeseburger. That Coleman’s Pulpit segment to hype up the Six Man Gauntlet was so goofy, I couldn’t help but like it. There was a lot of great detail in facial expressions and close-up camera cuts, like Vinnie preparing a balloon string garrote for Coleman. SCU stake their claim, but I wonder if one of these makeshift trios will come out on top instead. And I know Cody is the star right now, especially in his own mind, but Bully and Burger would’ve made a better main event all things considered.

My Score: 8/10


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Coverage

Mitchell’s Lucha Underground Report! (7/11/18)

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Lucha Underground Season 4

Lucha Underground Season 4, “Sacrificio”

The Monster, Matanza, is a demigod on a rampage, and he prepares another Sacrifice to the Gods! Is anyone on the Lucha Underground roster safe?!

 

Gifs to come courtesy of http://frentique.tumblr.com/

 

OFFICIAL RESULTS

  • Sacrifice to the Gods: Matanza Cueto VS Cortez Castro; Matanza wins, and Cortez is sacrificed.
  • Ancient Aztec Medallion match: Ivelisse VS Joey Ryan; Ivelisse wins.
  • Triple Threat Ancient Aztec Medallion match: Son of Havoc VS Killshot VS The Mack; Mack wins, he and Havoc earn medallions.
  • Ancient Aztec Medallion match: Mil Muertes w/ Catrina VS Cage; Muertes wins.

PLAY BY PLAY

Cortez Castro is in the ring.

The dirty cop who was investigating Dario Cueto has been invited out by Antonio. Antonio’s sources have sniffed out that Cortez is an undercover cop. But that’s fine, because Antonio is reporting a murder. Well, not a murder, but a sacrifice!!

Sacrifice to the Gods: Matanza Cueto VS Cortez Castro!

Antonio is killing two birds with one stone, or perhaps a pig? Either way, Matanza rushes the ring in a hurry! Cortez tries to fight him off with that kendo stick, but to no avail. Matanza headbutts Cortez down, then whips for the WRATH OF THE GODS! Cover, Matanza wins!

Winner: Matanza Cueto, by pinfall

The Monster God has won, and the Believers call for “Sacrifice!” With another flash of bloody lightning, Cortez disappears! That makes two souls devoured by the Temple, how many more will be taken to satiate Matanza’s blood lust?

 

Ancient Aztec Medallion match: Ivelisse VS Joey Ryan!

The Baddest Bitch made an impact in her return when she hammered her ex, Jeremiah Crane, then shoved him in a casket. Meanwhile, The Big Sleazy just wants to spread the love. Or at least the baby oil… Who will grab hold of gold to qualify for the Gift of the Gods?

The bell rings and Joey tucks the lollipop in his pants. He knows Ivelisse wants him, but he won’t let her slap him. She still does, with the other hand. He pie faces her back, then he gives her a face full of chest hair! Ivelisse grabs that hair and throws him by it! She chops the chest hair off him, then springboards for an arm-drag. Joey staggers, but Ivelisse throws him more with headscissors. She gives him a back elbow, he gives her a SLAP! Joey climbs on and grinds her face into the mat. Fans boo and jeer, but Joey just enjoys it more. He covers, TWO. He tries again, TWO! One more time, TWO! Joey swears that’s six, because it adds up. The referee disagrees with that logic. Joey goes back to Ivelisse for a chinlock.

Fans rally up for Ivelisse, and she stands up. Ivelisse fights out with body shots, but Joey shoves her. She comes back into an Octopus! Joey breaks out but Ivelisse throws him out. Ivelisse builds speed, but runs into a SUPERKICK! Joey covers, but rather lazily, TWO! He’s shocked, but he has something up his sleeve. Or rather, in his pants. He pulls the lollipop, but Ivelisse snapmares and kicks him down! Both wrestlers slowly get up, then speed up. Ivelisse rallies and enziguris, cover, TWO! Joey gets to a corner but Ivelisse is on him with a chop and a whip. He reverses, then sleazes it up as he runs in, but into a SUPERKICK. Ivelisse runs, but into a spinebuster! Cover, TWO!

The Believers rally up, and Joey stalks Ivelisse. He goes for the chest but Ivelisse counters and kicks away. Ivelisse throws him with a German Suplex! Cover, TWO! Fans rally up again, and Ivelisse gets going. Joey catches her with a  shoulder to the stomach, then prepares a bomb. He lifts her up but she fights out. She slaps away, then scorpion kicks into the running Destroyer! Cover, Ivelisse wins!

Winner: Ivelisse, by pinfall; earns an Aztec Medallion

Finally, the Baddest joins the Gift of the Gods seven-way! Can she skyrocket to the top with a free shot at the Lucha Underground Champion?

 

Triple Threat Ancient Aztec Medallion match: Son of Havoc VS Killshot VS The Mack!

The Lucha Underground Trios Champions weren’t so sure about each other when Antonio Cueto just decided to lump the Man from the Open Road in for the MIA Dante Fox. But then they turned it around in their first defense together against Infamous Inc. Will they be able to keep things together when they’re forced to fight over such a tempting singles prize?

But wait, Antonio Cueto has been thinking about this match all night. It’s missing something. Three champions fighting for one medallion, that’s great. But he always asks himself, “Could it be greater?” Believers seem to think so. So in a brilliant flash, it came to him: it’s missing a second medallion! The only one who gets nothing is the one who gets pinned or submitted! The stakes just got raised, who will be the odd man out?

Lucha Underground returns and the match begins! And while Killshot targets Havoc, Mack doesn’t want the team to implode like this. Killshot moves him aside, but Havoc counters. Killshot slips out of the suplex and shoves Havoc into Mack’s shoulder. Mack swings a kick but Killshot ducks it. The champions stare down, but the two who have been a team longest are the ones arguing the strongest. Killshot kicks Mack and then throws him out. He goes after Havoc, then throws him to ropes. Havoc dodges and speeds up to DIVE on Mack! Killshot builds speed but handsprings out, only to run into Havoc’s boots. Havoc goes up to springboard, asai moonsault wipes out Killshot & Mack!

Fans rally for Havoc as he puts Mack in the ring. Havoc throws hands on Mack then whips him. Mack counters with an arm-drag, then runs into the corner. Havoc dodges but Mack headstands and twerks! Mack dodges Havoc to back elbow him into the corner. Havoc rolls out but Mack takes aim. Mack builds speed but Killshot moves to intercept, only to get the running enziguri! Killshot goes back out and Mack builds speed again to FLY! Mack wipes out Havoc and Killshot! Fans are fired up as Mack puts Killshot back in the ring. Killshot is dazed but he still swings on Mack. Mack blocks and SLAPS the taste out of his mouth. Mack chops Killshot sharp in the corner, then whips him to ropes. Killshot reverses and wrings the arm out, to then kick it out. He stalks Mack to a corner to then stomp that arm.

Killshot brings Mack up and chops him in return. He kicks the arm, then trips Mack up. Havoc returns but Killshot ducks under. Killshot gives him a tilt-o-whirl backbreaker. Mack hits Killshot from the apron but Killshot sweeps the legs to SUPERKICK Mack down. Fans rally for Killshot as he stalks Havoc. He slaps Havoc in the head, then says he’s not a brother in arms, he’s a nobody! Killshot slaps Havoc more, but Havoc gets fired up. Havoc hits back, and it’s a brawl of heavy forearms. They go back and forth but Havoc gets the edge. Killshot knees low, then runs, but Havoc follows. Tilt-o-whirl DDT brings Killshot down!

Mack returns slowly while the other two are still down. He stands, but Killshot and Havoc follow. Mack hits Killshot, Killshot hits Havoc, and Havoc hits Mack.

They keep going, and Mack kicks Killshot. Havoc boots Mack, then handsprings but misses. Mack POUNCES to send Havoc out! Mack whips Killshot out but Killshot bumps him back. Killshot then slings in and German suplexes, but Mack is up! But Mack runs into a Spanish Fly and dropkick! Believers know “This is Awesome!” but far from over. Havoc returns, and kicks Mack back. He climbs up, lines up the shot, an double double stomps them! Rebound cutter!

But Mack kicks Havoc to a corner. Mack runs in for a big left, then a boot wash! He keeps going, inverted cannonball! Havoc staggers up, Mack Samoan Drops and kip-ups to a moonsault! Cover, TWO!! Fans are loving Mack as he puts Havoc on the top rope. Mack slaps Havoc before climbing up to join him. Havoc resists, then fights back with body shots. He clubs away on Mack’s back, fast and furious! Havoc headbutts Mack down, then adjusts. Killshot returns to grab his beard! Killshot fireman’s carry, Death Valley on the apron! He puts Havoc in, then climbs up for the killer stomps! Mack Stunner! But who to pin!? The loser loses a medal, so he chooses Kilslhot! Mack wins!!

Winner: The Mack, by pinfall; only Killshot does not earn an Aztec Medallion

The Mack helps himself and Son of Havoc join the Gift of the Gods match, but leaves his older friend out in the cold. They’re all still Trios Champions, but it doesn’t seem like Killshot is happy with how it went down. He and the others argue it out, but Killshot slaps the medallion out of Mack’s hand. Dysfunction always seems to follow the Trios Titles, will it lead to a tag team implosion?

 

Ancient Aztec Medallion match: Mil Muertes w/ Catrina VS Cage!

The Man of 1000 Deaths and the Machine fought over the Gauntlet of the Gods last season, but both men are without that prize after King Cuerno stole it from Mil. But in the Temple, revenge always gains rewards, so perhaps this will make it up to Cage. Can the Machine overcome death in order to then pursue the Gift of the Gods and Pentagon Dark’s Lucha Underground Championship?

The two behemoths stare down, then start brawling! Cage knees low but Muertes hits back. Cage hits a jumping knee, then runs, but into a big right from Muertes. Muertes whips but Cage reverses. Muertes clubs Cage’s back but Cage clobbers him with a clothesline. Yet Muertes comes back with one of his own! Muertes whips Cage again, then pops Cage up, but to get a headscissors! Cage swings but misses, Muertes tilt-o-whirls! Then backstabber! Cage goes out of the ring, but Muertes pursues. Believers are dueling as Muertes brings Cage up to ram him into the apron. Then he throws Cage into railing. Cage gets up and SUPERKICKS Muertes! And throws Muertes into the railings. Cage throws forearm after forearm, and the Believers are rabid!

Cage grabs Catrina, but she’s not worried. Muertes rocks Cage with a right! Then Muertes bumps Cage off a chair, and puts him back in the ring. Muertes goes to bump Cage but Cage counters. Cage swing kicks, then climbs up to DEADLIFT SUPERPLEX Muertes into the ring! Cover, TWO! Cage is surprised, but not deterred. Fans duel more as Cage whips Muertes . Muertes slides to a stop to rock Cage. Cage staggers towards the ref, Muertes runs in, and SPEARS the ref!

Cage jumped out of the way, then discus clotheslines Muertes down! He covers, but no ref to count! The Believers count to about 5 before a replacement ref enters! He counts, TWO! If only he was there sooner, Cage would’ve won. Cage hears the Terminator drums, but then he suddenly clobbers that second ref!

Muertes hits the Flat Liner, covers, but a third ref is slow to appearing. TWO, and now Muertes is the one angry with authority. The referee is caught into a CHOKE SLAM! Muertes lifts Cage, Cage slips out but Muertes elbows back. Muertes goes to throw Cage but Cage throws Muertes into a post! Cage lifts Muertes in a pumphandle driver! But there’s still no referee. Muertes gets away, but fans know “This is Awesome!” Cage builds speed to FLY! The Machine wipes out Muertes, and Believers are losing their minds! Cage brings Muertes around to bump off the apron, then fireman’s carry. Muertes slips out to RAINMAKER! Or, maybe, Death Maker. Muertes brings out a chair, but Cage SUPERKICKS it into him! Cage scoop slams Muertes, then brings that chair over.

Cage soaks in the applause of the Believers, but that fan wearing the Cuerno mask takes off that mask to reveal… He’s Pentagon Dark!!

The Lucha Underground Champion is back for revenge after what Cage did to him weeks ago! CERO MIEDO!! And he attacks! The referees can’t disqualify this as Pentagon SMACKS Cage with the chair!

Pentagon puts Cage in the ring, and Muertes slithers in. Muertes stalks Cage, and SPEARS! The Reaper’s Trident sets up for the Flat Liner! Cover, count, Muertes wins!

Winner: Mil Muertes, by pinfall; earns an Aztec Medallion

With an assist to the Bone Collector, the Man of 1000 Deaths earns his spot in the Gift of the Gods title match. He asks Catrina to bless his victory with the Lick of Death, but she cannot. Seems that after gaining her mortality, she gave up her dark rituals. Muertes doesn’t understand, but he’s very upset with his femme fatale. They disappear into the shadows, for now.

Pentagon Dark speaks.

“Cage, don’t be sad because you didn’t win that medallion.” Don’t worry, because next week they will battle for the Lucha Underground Championship! Cage gets what he wants, but Pentagon tells him right now, that just like Aztec Warfare, the night will end with Pentagon still champion. And Cage, “mi amigo”, my friend, you will come out with a broken arm! Because Pentagon Dark has CERO MIEDO! Will the Machine make good on the free shot the Bone Collector is giving him? Or will he lose an arm along with the match?

 

The Rabbit Tribe has gone down the rabbit hole.

Paul London wonders, can this furniture get any smaller? Saltador finally speaks, saying he finds it “quite comfortable.” Mala Suerte seems to agree. Mascarita Sagrada finally returns. Alright, muchachos, the White Rabbit is ready to see you. Vaminos! Yes, let’s go! The tripped-out trio follow Mascarita further down the rabbit hole and…

“I have been waiting for you.” They bow before the great White Rabbit. They wish to have his guidance. Oh? In exchange for what? “Anything that you wish.” Anything, you say? Yes, anything. Then kill the man who brought you to him. Wait. Kill Mascarita? Tick tock, Mr. London! Kill Mascarita or you will not get your wish. Well okay… London raises the blunt instrument, and SPLATTERS poor Mascarita.

Bravo, Mr. London, bravo! That was very entertaining. And now, they shall see how far they’re really willing to go. What new madness has come to Lucha Underground?

 


 

My Thoughts:

A pretty good Lucha Underground episode, and all about the Aztec Medallions and Gift of the Gods. Unless I’ve lost count, I think there’s one medallion left, and we’ve got a great field of competitors already. Cuerno, Dragon Azteca, Ivelisse, The Mack, Son of Havoc, and now Mil Muertes. These six alone will put on a great match, adding just about anyone as the seventh will make it better. Ivelisse does pretty good against Joey Ryan, and she was a shoe-in between how fans love her and how Joey has been booked in LU. The twist for the triple threat was great, it really gives a great story for the Trios Champions without even needing another team to face. Though, I do expect them to put those titles on the line soon, and then lose them because Killshot quits on the team.

Muertes VS Cage was great, even before Pentagon made that surprise appearance. Pentagon giving Muertes the win is fine, as it helps bring up a new wrinkle in Catrina’s story: Muertes’ reaction. He’ll want explanations as to why Catrina didn’t do the Lick of Death, which has been a staple of their segments since the beginning. Meanwhile, Cage VS Pentagon is set and is going to be a great match. Honestly it could go either way, and creates suspense as to who the eventual Gift of the Gods Champion will be challenging. The only thing not related to Gift of the Gods was the Sacrifice. There wasn’t a whole lot of pomp and circumstance with it, but it seems this will be Lucha Underground’s way of doing squash matches. At the same time, sacrificing Cortez should trigger the story with Captain Perez, so that’ll be interesting.

My Score: 8.5/10


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