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Mitchell’s WWE Monday Night Raw Report! (3/5/18)

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All images courtesy of the WWE’s official Twitter.

 

OFFICIAL RESULTS

  • Asuka VS Nia Jax; Asuka wins.
  • The Revival VS The Bar; The Bar wins.
  • Goldust VS John Cena; Cena wins.
  • Bayley VS Mandy Rose w/ Absolution; Bayley wins.
  • Falls Count Anywhere Symphony of Destruction match: Elias VS Braun Strowman; Strowman wins.
  • Bray Wyatt VS Rhyno w/ Heath Slater; Wyatt wins.
  • 3v2 Handicap: The Miz & Miztourage VS Seth Rollins & Finn Balor; Rollins & Balor win.

PLAY BY PLAY

Raw General Manager, Kurt Angle, heads to the ring.

Milwaukee greets him with the usual chant of “You Suck!” as the Olympic Gold Medalist walks out. He stays serious and speaks on having to swallow his pride as GM time and again. As a GM, you do what’s best for business, “but last week went way too far.” Triple H sucker punched Angle, and he won’t stand in front of the world and pretend it’s okay. Angle calls out HHH! It doesn’t matter that he’s the COO, Angle wants HHH to be a man! But instead, we get the Raw Commissioner, Stephanie McMahon.

The Billionaire Princess walks into the ring and up to Angle to calm him down. For starters, HHH isn’t here yet, that’s the truth. And that aside, Stephanie brings up that Angle has four–no, five–kids, that one year old baby girl. Angle must want to buy her everything. This is his second wife, that means there’s some alimony, right? If we’re being honest…

Yes, Angle is an Olympic Gold Medalist, and he won with a broken neck, and is a WWE Hall of Famer. But Stephanie must ask, “Are those accolades paying the bills right now?” She already knows the answer is “no”. But being a general manager does, so just think for a moment: Angle almost ruined the biggest WWE contract signing in its history; Rousey put HHH through a table because of Angle. But HHH got his, so we’re all on the same side again. Know your role, make matches, and put the past behind you, okay? “Don’t let your ego get in the way here.” But then Ronda Rousey appears!

The Rowdy Ronda of Raw is all smiles as she heads down to the ring. Ronda high-fives fans and then enters the ring. She hugs Angle and politely shakes hands with Stephanie. The fans cheer and chant, then she speaks up. “What you did to Kurt Angle last week was very… enlightening.” Seems the authority is not who she thought they were. But she’s had bully bosses and things, she’ll deal with it her own way. Bullying bosses? Stephanie understands not every employee understands the choices their bosses make, but they just accept orders. Fans boo and jeer as Stephanie says that Rousey understands she signed to the WWE, and to the part Stephanie oversees. But look at the bright side: Rousey will have her dream, as she gets to be part of Wrestlemania! Her debut is at The Grandest Stage of Them All! Rousey agrees, that is great.

But speaking of her contract, it says she gets to choose her opponent, doesn’t it? Yes, as long as it’s not one of the champions, and as long as that person is part of the active roster. In that case, Rousey chooses… Oh oh, big drum roll please! Rousey doesn’t wait for the drums, she chooses Stephanie!!

And the fans go wild! And while Stephanie tries to reason her way out of things, HHH appears. He won’t let this happen, and tells Angle to do his job. Stephanie is an executive, the Commissioner of Raw. Oh what happened to HHH not being here yet? Surprise, HHH is here already. But don’ worry about him, worry about your job. Angle agrees, Stephanie is an executive. But, there’s still her WWE Superstar contract. And Angle makes matches, so Stephanie will face Rousey at Wrestlemania. Fans sure love that! But that’s not all, there’s another person with two contracts. And angle promised HHH that he’d be coming for him. So it won’t just be Rousey VS Stephanie, it’ll be Stephanie & HHH VS Rousey… AND ANGLE!

The fans love the sound of that, but the Authority doesn’t. Stephanie gets in Angle’s face, but then Rousey blocks the slap!

HHH wants things to calm back down, and helps Stephanie get away. But then Angle and HHH brawl! Angle gets the best of HHH, but HHH boots back. HHH runs out, but gets caught into the Ankle Lock! He shoves Angle away into buckles, but Rousey steps up. Stephanie returns for the sucker punch! That only pisses Rousey off. Stephanie runs away, Rousey glaring at her the whole way. Then she turns her attention to HHH. HHH sees Angle returning, and goes for the Pedigree, only to end up in the Ankle Lock!

Angle grapevines it! Stephanie returns, reaches out and saves her husband. Only for Rousey to get her by her hair and yank her back in! Stephanie begs for mercy, but gets none! Rousey grabs the arm, fireman’s carry, and Samoan Drop!

Angle and Rousey stand tall over The Authority, will we see this again at Wrestlemania?

 

Asuka VS Nia Jax!

The Empress of Tomorrow’s Streak still lives after the Elimination Chamber PPV, but the Irresistible Force ran her over out of rage. This rematch gives Nia a second chance, can she take away Asuka’s main claim to fame before she challenges the Raw (or SmackDown) Women’s Champion?

The bell rings and the two circle. Nia lunges but Asuka strikes back. Nia puts her in a corner then flattens her twice, hip attack for the third time. Asuka crawls out of the corner but Nia is right back on her with a headbutt. Nia drags Asuka up to throw her to ropes. Asuka slips out of the ring, Nia lets her writhe out there. Meanwhile, Alexa Bliss & Mickie James have a backstage interview. The Goddess likes Nia’s chances of winning, because she is determined to win. Tonight is Nia’s night, and Asuka looks worried. The Empress’ luck runs out, because Nia will end both the streak and her career.

In the ring, Asuka tilt-o-whirls but into a side slam! Nia drags Asuka back up but then Asuka puts on an Octopus Stretch! She has Nia locked in, but Nia powers her way out. Asuka tries to roll Nia but Nia drags her up by her colorful hair. Nia shoves Asuka back into a corner while fans cheer Asuka on. The referee checks on Asuka, but Nia stomps her out. Nia drags Asuka up but Asuka fights back. Asuka tries to whip but Nia reverses. Asuka hops up, NIa gives her a rocking right hand, to then throw her with a spinning crucifix! Nia watches Asuka roll out of the ring while we go to break.

Raw returns to Nia thrashing Asuka around in a cobra clutch. Asuka fires up and fights out, then runs to hip attack Nia down. Cover, TWO, and with force! Asuka won’t let that scare her off, she goes after Nia agani. Nia powers Asuka to a corner and rams in a shoulder. She rolls Asuka to the center of the ring, then runs her over again! Cover, TWO, and Nia grows annoyed with Asuka. She drags Asuka up for the fireman’s carry, but Asuka fights out.

Nia throws Asuka to ropes, fireman’s carry and Samoan Drop hits! Nia crawls to a cover, ROPEBREAK! And Nia can’t believe it! She swipes at Asuka with both hands, then drags her up again. Another fireman’s carry, trophy lift, and a drop! Nia adds the leg drop, but Asuka evades! Asuka recovers while Nia crawls over, suddenly armbar! Nia endures, reaches, then sits up, but Asuka shifts into the Triangle!

Nia lifts, powerbomb! The hold stays on! Asuka squeezes and pulls as hard as she can but Nia pushes against her. No cover so another lift, and buckle bomb! Asuka keeps holding on, even after two more bombs! She brings Nia down again, but Nia keeps trying to get out. Nia tries another cover, but Asuka wont’ let her shoulders come down. Another deadlift, rebound to takedown! The armbar is on in full, and Nia endure. Nia taps out, and Asuka wins again!

More than anyone, Alexa Bliss is the one worried by this result. If Nia can’t win after all that, can Alexa hope to survive?

Nia stands up, and fans applaud the heart she showed. She hasn’t gotten any closer to the Women’s Championship, will she miss out on Wrestlemania completely?

 

The Revival VS The Bar!

The Swiss Cyborg and Celtic Gladiator misspoke when they said “there’s no one left to beat” for the Raw Tag Team Championships. The #TopGuys have beaten all the same teams as the champions have, so if they win here, they get a match for the Raw Tag Team Championships at Wrestlemania!

Sheamus and Scott Dawson start, tie up, and Sheamus elbows out of the waistlock to get the headlock takeover. Dawson grinds his way to a counter but Sheamus grinds back. Dawson powers out but Sheamus runs him over, and The Bar gloats. Sheamus brings Dawson up and tags in Cesaro, to go Super Saiyan kick. Cesaro taunts Dash, then tags in Sheamus, and The Bar mugs Dawson. Sheamus goes to put Dawson in the Bodhrain but Dash distracts, helping Dawson fight out and fight back with hyamkers and chops. Hotshot staggers Sheamus back, but Dawson runs into a lift. Dash saves Dawson then tags in, slingshot sunset flip for a clothesline, TWO. Sheamus tags in Cesaro and Cesaro runs in, but Dash lifts him to tag in Dawson, assisted gord buster.

Cover, TWO, and The Bar regroups. They take a breather while we go to break.

Raw returns, and Sheamus kicks Dawson to then tag in Cesaro. They hit the backbraeker elbow drop!

Cover, TWO. Cesaro keeps on Dawson, tags in Sheamus, and Sheamus blasts Dawson with a knee. Sheamus grounds Dawson, covers, ONE. The Bar keeps focus as Sheamus wrenches, but Dawson jawbreakers free. Dash tags in and saves Dawson from a slam, covers, Sheamus, ONE. The Revival keep on Sheamus, tagging Dawson in to stomp one of Sheamus’ arm. COver, ONE, but Dawson keeps on Sheamus at the ropes, messing up the Mohawk. Sheamus hits back but Dawson hits, too. They brawl, Dawson grabs the arm and grounds Sheamus again.

Sheamus endures the armlock and fights back. He lifts and dumps Dawson to then tag Cesaro. Cesaro goes for the Sharpshooter, Dash comes in but Cesaro trips him up. Dawson kicks and DDT’s, cover, TWO! The Revival know they’re close, but Cesaro whips Dawosn to his corner. Tag to Shemaus, who takes out Dash then barrels into Dawson. Stiff knee strike, then the lift, tag to Cesaro. Cesaro goes up but Dash distracts. Dawson trips up Cesaro then dodges Sheamus! Sheamus hits post, Dawson tags in Dash, and they go after Cesaro! Dawson climbs up to Cesaro while Dash does on the adjacent corner. Superplex, to frog splash! TWO!

The Revival are furious that they didn’t get this yet. Dawson tags back in, but Sheamus intercepts with a Brogue. Dawson suplexes Sheamus but Cesaro kicks him, Neutralizer! The Bar wins! The champions turn away the #TopGuys as contenders, now there really isn’t anyone left to defeat.

 

JOHN CENA is here!

The Face that Runs the Place and WWE free agent is back again. He went to SmackDown, as stated, and literally won his way into a WWE Championship match at Fastlane! So then why is he back on Raw? To talk to us about SmackDown. It is a difficult subject because of brand rivalry but he asks us to listen. He lets Milwaukee know he has found his Road to Wrestlemania, and even Kurt Angle recognizes the importance of Fastlane. Cena does not take his free agent status lightly, so there in lies the question, why is he here? Cena explains that because it is a Six Pack Challenge, his five opponents–Baron Corbin, Dolph Ziggler, Sami Zayn, Kevin Owens and especially WWE Champion, AJ Styles– won’t let him speak his piece in peace.

Therefore, he is back on Raw to say “This is it.” Cena vows to break a 20-year record! He vows that this Sunday, he will win the WWE World Championship to become a 17 time world champion. All records are meant to be broken, because this is his “only Road to Wrestlemania.” Cena has been smothered with criticism, that he’s only here to “hold people back.” He was not given success, he was given a chance. Cena was given a chance and he used it to beat AJ Styles, 1 2 3.

He will never be one to hold someone else back. When Cena wins, critics will come out to say he’s “robbed” us of a Wrestlemania moment. No, Cena encourages Styles to make a greater moment by using his rematch clause to make things a triple threat: Shinsuke Nakamura VS John Cena VS AJ Styles! But wait, Goldust appears?

The Bizarre One says “I coulda been a contender.” On the Waterfront, 1954. But movie quotes aside, we have our “leading man”, John Cena. Goldust has always dreamed of sharing “the silver screen” with Cena. He’s always dreamed of “soaking in the spotlight” at Wrestlemania. But that dream begins with Goldust stopping John Cena from going to Wrestlemania. Goldust explains that his dreams have never had that “perfect ending”, it’s all just taken from him. His pretty little rainbows have grayed with evil. “That ends today.” If Cena wants to go to Wrestlemania for the WWE Championship, that’s fine, that’s his dream. But Goldust is taking control of things, as Cena’s “director”. Tonight, Cena’s dreams will be SHATTERED! Goldust decks Cena! And we quickly go to break!

 

Goldust VS John Cena!

Raw returns with this match already going, and Goldust has Cena down again. Goldust takes a deep breath, then drags Cena up for a punch. Cena blocks and counters with punches, but Goldust gives Cena the atomic drop. Goldust kicks then covers, TWO. The Bizarre One keeps his cool as he stalks Cena, knocking him back down to the mat. Cena crawls, but Goldust bings him up for another atomic drop. Cena dodges and double clotheslines bring them down. Both men stir, heading for ropes. Goldust and Cena stand up, and Goldust dodges Cena in a corner. Cena bounces off buckles, Goldust covers, TWO. Goldust keeps on Cena with hammering hands, and mocks the great John Cena. Then he digs his claws into Cena before taking another deep breath, but Cena hits back! Cena runs, but into the powerslam, cover, TWO!

Goldust gets frustrated but he stands up. He drops an elbow on Cena, then claws him again. Cena still stands up but GOldust is ready. Cena fakes out the slam to put Goldust in a sleeper hold! Goldust low blows behind the ref’s back! Cover, TWO! Goldust can’t believe his trickery didn’t work. But he keeps his cool as he stands over Cena. Cena crawls his way up, but Goldust is upon him while fans duel. He swings, Cena dodges and starts to rally with shoulder tackles! Spin-out powerbomb, then “You Can’t See Me!” Five Knuckle Shuffle hits, and Cena lifts Goldust, AA! Cena wins, and gains momentum towards Fastlane! Will Sunday see history made even before Wrestlemania?

 

Elias visits Angle in his office.

The Drifter knows the GM has had a busy night. Angle should just cancel the Symphony of Destruction match. It all sends the wrong message. Music should bring people together, not tear them apart. Angle will considered it. Decision made, he’s not cancelling it. Then whatever happens to Braun Strowman tonight is on Angle. That’s fine. But before Elias leaves, he should know that leaving ringside won’t do anything, because it will be a Falls Count Anywhere Symphony of Destruction match. Elias accepts, but can he survive the concert of carnage the Monster Among Men has waiting for him?

 

The newest WWE Hall of Fame inductee: Hillbilly Jim!

Hulk Hogan took this big fan of the WWE under his wing and made him a certified superstar! Jim the “big ol’ country boy” was a big hit, and helped bring the WWE into the mainstream. “Good food, good meat, thank you Lord, cuz we gon’ eat.” He captured the hearts of fans all over the world, and lived the American dream.

 

Bayley VS Mandy Rose w/ Absolution!

The Hugger stood by her best friend for as long as she could, given how her friend treated her. She swerved The Legit Boss on a tag, and explains beforehand that this “surprising” action was- Well, no explanation, as the Glampire leads her girls down to the ring.

Paige congratulates Bayley for finally growing a backbone. Bayley’s a big girl now, but is still “a stupid little kid”. Sasha Banks is the only person who cares about Bayley, and there is strength in numbers. If you have no one, you have nothing. Can Bayley win all on her own when God’s Greatest Creation has her team ringside?

The bell rings, the two circle, and Bayley gets the waistlock. Mandy works her way out, elbow and a takedown, then cartwheels past Bayley before dropping her with a dropkick. Mandy taunts Bayley and they circle again. They tie up, Bayley gets the wristlock and yanks on Mandy’s arm. Bayley shifts to an armlock but Mandy whips. Bayley reverses, things speed up, Mandy picks Bayley up to put her in a corner. Mandy then scoops Bayley for a slam, cover, TWO. Bayley powers Mandy back now and rams in her shoulder. Bayley rolls back, wacky waving back elbow! She keeps moving, but Mandy bails out. Absolution regroups while we go to break.

Raw returns to Mandy squeezing Bayley in a chinlock. Bayley endures, even as Absolution taunts her. She sits up, and fans rally for her. She stands up and fights out, but Mandy kicks low and suplexes. Mandy holds Bayley up there, then brings her down for a forearm! Absolution applauds while she covers, TWO. Mandy keeps on Bayley, but Bayley hits back. Bayley slips under to backslide, ONE, but into a small package, TWO. Mandy evades and knee strikes Bayley right down! Cover, TWO, and Absolution grows frustrated. Mandy keeps on Bayley with a rain of rights, then covers, TWO. Mandy keeps focus as she stalks Bayley to ropes. She drags Bayley up, but Bayley shoves her away. Bayley throws Mandy out to the apron then hits her with the hotshot stunner!

Both women gasp for air, but Bayley is up to rally with double ax handles. She then tackles Mandy and unloads rights. She keeps going, bumping Mandy off buckles again and again and again. Saido suplex, then Bayley hops up. Sonya distracts but Bayley still hits a flying elbow on Mandy. Sonya tries again, Bayley knocks her down, Mandy tries a roll up, but Bayley slips out! Bayley rolls Mandy, Bayley wins! But Absolution pounces, hammering and kneeing Bayley on the mat. However, here comes Sasha!

The Boss is still a friend as she tackles Sonya. Mandy goes after Sasha but Sasha hits back. Sasha sends Absolution running, then helps her friend to her feet.

Sasha wants a hug, but Bayley refuses?! Bayley shakes her head and leaves by herself. Is their friendship on the verge of being done for good?

 

March is Women’s History Month, and WWE is proud to celebrate it.

WWE honors Eunice Kennedy Shriver for her fight to help those with intellectual disabilities. Shriver was a founder of the Special Olympic Games, which still thrives to this day. Her passion and dedication to public service and humanitarian work earned her the Presidential Medal of Freedom in 1984, inspiring us all to care for all people.

 

Nia is backstage in the medical area.

She’s icing her arm after that match with Asuka, when Alexa Bliss & Mickie James come over. Alexa has Mickie leave her alone with Nia so they can talk.

Nia must be disappointed, losing to Asuka twice already. Alexa has never seen Nia give up like this, it must be embarrassing. But Alexa doesn’t want Nia to feel like a failure or that she’s let everyone down. She has friends, and even though they don’t get to face each other at Wrestlemania this year, there’s always next year. Don’t be ashamed of what just happened, be proud of yourself for everything you’ve overcome. Nia’s been an outcast, just because she was bigger. Even now, Alexa sees how others look at Nia. Alexa knows Nia is no quitter. Don’t let this stop you, Nia. “Because if you do, everyone will lose all respect for you.” Nia cries. Her arm aside, is her spirit broken?

 

Braun Strowman speaks.

“Elias, I know you’re sweating bullets, because tonight, you find out about my Symphony of Destruction.” The Monster Among Men isn’t finished with Elias. Elias will not only #GetTheseHands, but the keys, the drums and anything else. Tonight begins the countdown to Elias’ extinction! Can the Drifter survive the musical mutilation Strowman is about to bring?

 

 

Falls Count Anywhere Symphony of Destruction match: Elias VS Braun Strowman!

“Ladies and Gentlemen, Elias.”

The Drifter is on the piano this time, tickling the ivories instead of plucking guitar strings. The Living Amongst The Dead breathes life into everything he does, touches and says. And as always, he must ask, “Who wants to walk with Elias?!” Milwaukee sounds pretty eager to. Symphonies are “classy, sophisticated”, the exact opposite of Milwaukee. It’s no surprise that Elias has mastered more than guitar. He is not a one trick pony, he moves over to drums. And he goes to his standard and says that the Monster Among Men lives in Elias’ World. And everyone in the world knows that WWE really means “Walk With Elias!” Pay close attention, Strowman, this song is for you. So please, silence phones, hold applause and shut mouths so he can begin.

“I’m out here again, it’s Monday night. I’m getting ready for Braun, getting ready for a fight.” Elias is gonna win, unlike the Brewers and Bucks.” One thing Elias loves about Milwaukee is that “this place sucks!” Elias is not afraid of The Monster Among Men, because there ain’t nothing he can do. He wants a proper introduction, so he has the lights go down to reintroduce him. But when the spotlight hits, Elias is running away!

He slips backstage, glancing over his shoulder. Elias makes it to a car waiting for him, starts it up, but then looks in the back. Strowman is holding the car back with pure strength! So Elias gets out an runs! Strowman pursues Elias all the way back to ringside!

The bell rings and this match begins! Strowman kicks Elias all the way down the ramp and towards the ring. He bounces Elias off the apron then puts him into the ring. Elias knocks over his stool, and Strowman clobbers him towards a corner. Strowman throws Elias across the ring, then crushes him in a corner. He clubs Elias in the chest, and the fans roar triumphantly for him. Strowman stalks Elias, then scoops him up. Elias fights out of the slam then goes after the leg with chop blocks. Elias grabs his guitar and SMASHES it on Strowman’s back! He keeps going on Strowman with haymakers, then runs for a knee strike. Strowman’s down but Elias climbs up. Elias takes aim, leaps, and hits the Macho Elbow! Cover, ONE!!

Strowman gets to his feet but Elias is upon him. Elias tries but is denied his Drift Away, Strowman sends him out with an uppercut. Strowman stalks Elias again before kicking him up the ramp. Strowman drags Elias up and over to the announce desk! He clears it all off, then nods to the fans. Strowman lifts Elias up, but Elias rakes the eyes. Elias thinks he’s safe, but Strowman turns around to knock him into the LED wall! Strowman then bowls him through the spare guitars, and stalks him around the drum kit. Strowman clubs Elias down with a double ax handle, and then sees his old friend in the bass cello. The fans chant “YES! YES!” and Strowman SMASHES Elias with the cello! An encore from weeks ago, but the concert isn’t done yet.

Strowman slides Elias under the piano, then plays monster chords. Then, Strowman kicks the drums away, and lifts the piano, to slam it down on Elias!

Elias is pinned down by the piano, but Strowman pulls it off to cover, Strowman wins!

The Monster Among Men played a beautifully painful piece for Elias, and leaves him laying on the stage. Elias does receive medical attention, and is stretchered out. Is this the night the Drifter’s music died?

 

WWE makes a MAJOR announcement!

 

Bray Wyatt VS Rhyno w/ Heath Slater!

The Eater of Worlds continues his Great War with WOKEN Matt Hardy, but first looks to use the One Man Band and the ManBeast as cannon fodder once more. This is also payback for last week when Bray didn’t even wait for things to be a match. Can the ECW original best the Face of Fear before the next battle with Hardy?

The bell rings and Rhyno goes right at Bray! He puts Bray in a corner and fires off furious right hands. The ref brings him back, Bray boots back and runs Rhyno over with a lariat. Bray then slithers upside-down to stare Slater down.

He returns to Rhyno to rain down right hands, then reel Rhyno into Sister Abigail! Bray glares at Slater before covering, Bray wins!

Swift but sinister, and scary as always as he stares Slater down, this even more disturbed Bray Wyatt calls Hardy out. “Come out and show your face, you coward!” The Great War is far from over, so Hardy does show his face.

“Bray Wyatt, I concur. The Great War is far from over~!” But if they are to clash, it cannot be contained within the realm of WWE. There is only ONE battlefield worthy of their cosmic combat: The Hardy Compound~~! The WOKEN Wisdom invites Bray to his battlefield, and dares him to prepare for ULTIMATE DELETION!

 

It’s the Third Annual Mizzies Awards Show!

The Most Must-See Superstar in all of WWE brings us the “cherished institution” that recognizes true greatness. Otherwise The Shape of Water wouldn’t have won over The Marine 5. Get Out is what Angle should’ve done as GM. But enough about The Oscars, Miz honors the best of WWE. The first category: The Superstar Best at Patting Themselves on the Back.

The nominees are: Seth Rollins for bragging about lasting 65 minutes before losing; Kurt Angle for being a good father to his illegitimate son 29 years late; and Finn Balor for being the inaugural Universal Champion for only 24 hours, and failing to keep his promise of getting it back asap. Miz himself is 55 days away from being the (total) longest reigning Intercontinental Champion of all time. And the winner is: a tie! Rollins and Finn win, but cannot accept the award because they weren’t invited to the show.

The second category: Worst Decision by a Raw General Manager.

The nominees are: Kurt Angle for bringing his “bastard son” to Raw; Kurt Angle for letting Rollins & Finn both be in the Elimination Chamber match; and Kurt Angle for failing to name a proper opponent for The Miz at Wrestlemania. And the winner is: by unanimous vote, Kurt Angle! But he can’t accept the award, he’s sucking up to Ronda Rousey. At least this will help his resume when out looking for a new job. Especially when Angle loses to Stephanie & HHH.

This third award is a Lifetime Achievement Award, for the “workhorse of the WWE”. This superstar makes wherever he is on the Wrestlemania card “the main event.” However, Seth Rollins appears!

Rollins was enjoying the show, but Milwaukee was practically begging for someone to play Miz off. But it’s not just Rollins, here comes Finn Balor!

Finn is all smiles but Rollins brings up how he keeps interrupting. Is he here to follow Rollins again? No, he’s here to do Rollins one better. Miz does them both one better. Angle said those matches might determine who faces Miz at Wrestlemania, because neither of them deserves it. Rollins always loses. “Nobody makes losing look better than you.” Except for maybe Finn. What has Finn done since giving up the title? Yet he’s “over”? This isn’t Japan, this is the WWE! You have to bust your butt each and every day. To be “over”, you need more than “a hand-sign that’s not even yours.” But these two think they’re so special just because they beat Miz in a handicap match? How about we do something really big? A 3v2 handicap, The Miztourage VS Rollins & Balor! The fans want it, challenge accepted!

 

3v2 Handicap: The Miz & Miztourage VS Seth Rollins & Finn Balor!

The Hollywood A-Lister had strong words for the Architect and Extraordinary Man, but now he’ll have to back them up. Can he, Bo Dallas & Curt Axel best the two men who bested Miz consecutively last week?

Finn starts against Axel with the bell. They tie up, Finn gets the wristlock, then the arm wrench. He snapmares Axel then wrenches the arm more. Axel stands up and puts Finn against ropes to knee and club. Axel whips but Finn reverses, Axel sunset flips but Finn rolls through to dropkick! Cover, TWO, but Finn is back on Axel’s arm. Rollins applauds, then offers a tag. Finn takes it, and Rollins climbs up to flying ax handle Axel’s arm. Axel kicks back, then bumps Rollins off buckles. He tags in Bo, and The Miztourage whips Rollins. Rollins kicks them away and throws Axel out before hip tossing Bo down. Bo gets up, Rollins dropkicks him down, then Rollins swipes at the creeping Miz. Bo pounces and stomps Rollins out.

Tag to Miz, and the Intercontinental Champion boots Rollins in the face. Cover, ONE, but Miz keeps on Rollins. He tags in Axel, and snapmares Rollins for Axel’s neck snap. Cover, TWO, so Axel puts Rollins in an armlock and chinbar. Rollins gets up as fans rally, but Axel knees low. He whips Rollins and stiffly dropkicks him down, then gloats while Miz and Bo cheer him on. Axel tags in Bo, they mug Rollins to the mat. Cover, TWO, but Bo wraps on a chinlock. Finn gets the fans to rally for Rollins, and Rollins fights back. He chops Bo, but Bo whips him away from the tag. Rollins boots Bo, then dives to tag Finn!

Finn rallies on The Miztourage, take down to double stomp! Bo gets to a corner while Finn flexes. Finn scares off Miz, then gives Bo a running chop.

Corner to corner and another chop. Finn tires a third but Bo reverses, only for Finn to go up and over. Bo boots Finn, then hops up, but Finn swing kicks Bo down. Finn stalks Bo, drags him up but Miz distracts. Finn chases Miz, sees Axel coming but not Bo, Bo runs Finn over. The Miztourage is in control while we go to break.

Raw returns and Finn jawbreakers out of the chinlock. Axel shoves Finn back to forearm him on the rebound, but Finn hits back with a Pele! Both men are down but Finn gets the hot tag. Hot tag to Miz, but Rollins hits the springboard flying clothesline! He hops up but jumps over Miz, to enziguri Miz down. The fans fire up with Rollins as he goes corner to corner to clothesline Miz. Suplex and float over to Falcon Arrow!

Cover, TWO! Rollins keeps his cool as he stalks Miz. He tunes up the band then takes aim, mule kick but Bo gets in the way. Rollins knocks Bo down, but Miz gets the full nelson! Miz lifts, Rollins rolls to counter, TWO! Mule kick hits again, cover, but Axel breaks it. Rollins throws Axel out, then evades Miz to build speed and DIVE! Direct hit on both Bo & Axel!

Rollins returns in the ring, clotheslines Miz out, then Rollins takes aim again. He watches them regroup, but Finn tags in! Finn and Rollins argue it out, but The Miztourage flanks them. Rollins takes Bo & Axel out, Finn hits Miz. Finn builds speed to FLY onto Bo & Axel! He flexes while Miz gets back in the ring, Slingblade! Then, blasting dropkick! Miz goes down, Finn climbs up, but Rollins tags in! Rollins curb Stomps Miz! Cover, Rollins & Balor win! While they both win, the Architect pinned the champion. What does this mean for the IC Championship? Kurt Angle appears to clear that up.

Angle has a match for ‘Mania, time to announce Miz’s. He won’t be competing against Rollins, or against Balor, he’ll be competing against them both in a Triple Threat! “It’s true, it’s damn true.” Wrestlemania is 43 days away, will Miz be denied history a couple weeks short?

 

The Advocate, Paul Heyman, is here!

And as he is carrying the belt for the “reigning, defending, undisputed Universal Heavyweight Champion, BROCK LESNAR” with him, he is here to “deliver a message on behalf of my client.” Heyman is here to “set the record straight.” He is here, resting the title down in the ring, “because Brock Lesnar allows” Heyman to touch it. And after Lesnar successfully defends this title, April 8th at Wrestlemania against Roman Reigns, assuming he chooses to defend again at Summerslam, Heyman will come out and lay the title down again, and right next to it will be the UFC world heavyweight title as well. Roman had a lot to say about The Beast, he took it upon himself to criticize Lesnar’s schedule.

Heyman asks Roman, what’s the biggest victory of your career? Defeating the Undertaker at Wrestlemania. Good for Roman, because he is only one of two men to do that. Did anyone bring up Undertaker’s schedule? No, because if anyone did, it would be “bullshit”! The Undertaker is the Undertaker 365 days a year, so good for Roman. Lesnar is Lesnar 365 days a year, but no one will beat Lesnar nor take that title from him. If Roman doesn’t like hearing this, then next week, Roman can meet Lesnar on Raw. And “Afa” that, Roman can “Sika” new title to challenge for, because the Universal title belongs to Lesnar.

And while Heyman is still here, he recalls Roman calling Lesnar “a bitch.” The title is Lesnar’s “bitch”, as in she belongs to Lesnar. Roman is eyeing Lesnar’s girl, but he can’t have her. Roman wants to be Universal Champion because of his bloodline, but the Universal Championship is a bloodline. You don’t pry the title out of Lesnar’s cold dead hands, you try to take them from his hot living ones.

Lesnar’s always wanted to be Number One, so Heyman will spell it out: this is not a belt, not a strap, prop, or anything else; this is a declaration that you are Number One in the Universe. This belt lets someone tell their children that daddy is better than everyone, “the biggest dog in the biggest yard”, the number one on Earth and in the known universe. It’s not how bad you want the title, it’s how bad the title wants you.

This is the sacrifice you must make to be Universal Champion: the Saturday night before Wrestlemania and you get a phone call that something really bad happened to your father, you can’t. That’s because this title needs you to defend it. Then after defending it, you still can’t fly away to family, because then there’s the Raw after ‘Mania and the title needs to be shown off. And then maybe if you don’t go to SmackDown, then and only then do you go home. The title needs you more, loves you more, and lusts for you more, because it is everything that you are and you are everything that is the title. Roman Reigns, if you still want to meet Lesnar on Raw in Detroit, go ahead, and say whatever you want. Because you don’t want to shoot with Heyman, or shoot with BROCK LESNAR.

However, Roman Reigns appears!

Heyman stays in the ring, belt on the mat, while Roman enters the ring. Roman lets Heyman pick the belt up before speaking. “Milwaukee, this is what I’m talking about.” Roman said a lot of stuff, harsh but true, and yet what does Lesnar do? He sends Heyman for the rebuttal. “Brock really is a bitch, isn’t he?” Roman isn’t asking for anything other than Lesnar to show up. The fans ask for the same thing. But that’s still not enough. Lesnar should want to be here. Roman keeps it simple: if Lesnar is in Detroit next week, so is Roman. And Heyman can tell Lesnar that Lesnar can say whatever he wants, but don’t come looking for a promo segment, come looking for a fight!

Roman lets Heyman leave with his message. What will the fallout be when Beast and Big Dog truly come face-to-face?!

 

My Thoughts:

A pretty good episode right here. We get the Rousey plans finally established, and they’re upped to a mixed tag match for her debut. Not quite the best thing, as Stephanie is just using this to include herself in the fun, but this is probably the most fun option for it since it’ll have Angle and HHH joining in. Not sure what the build will be, but I’m kind of hoping we get videos of HHH training Stephanie back into wrestling shape. Opening with the Asuka VS Nia rematch was a nice surprise, and this match was a really gritty step up from Elimination Chamber. Asuka of course wins to keep her Streak and momentum alive, but what was really impressive was Nia’s reaction. Her segment with Alexa was some grade A given how expertly veiled all of Alexa’s mean comments were, and how Nia cried on cue.

I’m not sure what The Bar gains by not having Wrestlemania opponents, even if their match proved they can do what The Revival does as good as The Revival. Perhaps with no clear contender, there will be a huge series of matches to determine who The Bar faces and how. Cena being back on Raw so soon makes some sense, and his match with Goldust was a great “impromptu” moment, but I was kinda hoping either he would stay on SmackDown or at least have a slightly longer match with Goldy. Bayley meanwhile has a real fun match with Mandy, but the development between her and Sasha is the real meat of the segment. It may not be that Bayley is going Heel, but she might never side with Sasha again. And while Elias is great, Strowman is greater, and their entire segment was gold, these guys need gold.

Speaking of gold, ULTIMATE DELETION better be pure BROKEN Brilliance or WWE will truly disappoint fans. Then the Intercontinental Championship getting a Triple Threat is great, and it makes it so it’ll be a little bit harder to predict who wins. Rollins getting it would be great so that The Shield members are all Grand Slam Champions, while also ruining Miz’s history-making moment. Ending on the Universal Championship segment was good, and continuing to keep Lesnar away is really helping the story. More fans are slowly shifting to Roman’s side, not because it’s Roman but because it’s the full-timer over the part-timer. I just hope next week’s face-to-face doesn’t turn into tug-of-war like it did before WM31, but into a brawl like it always should.

My Score: 8/10


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Mitchell’s WWE Extreme Rules Report! (7/15/18)

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This card’s stacked with a Raw Women’s Championship Extreme Rules, a 30-Minute Ironman Intercontinental Championship, and a WWE Championship Rusev Day!

 

All images courtesy of the WWE’s official Twitter

 

OFFICIAL RESULTS

  • Kickoff Show: Andrade “Cien” Almas w/ Zelina Vega VS Sin Cara; Almas wins.
  • Kickoff Show: Six Man Tag Tables Match: SAnitY VS The New Day; SAnitY wins.
  • Raw Tag Team Championships: The Deleters of Worlds VS The B Team; wins and
  • Finn Balor VS Constable Baron Corbin; wins.
  • SmackDown Women’s Championship Shark Cage Match: Carmella w/ James Ellsworth (in a Shark Cage) VS Asuka; wins and
  • Raw Women’s Championship Extreme Rules Match: Alexa Bliss VS Nia Jax; wins and
  • WWE United States Championship: Jeff Hardy VS Shinsuke Nakamura; wins and
  • WWE Intercontinental Championship 30 Minute Ironman Match: Dolph Ziggler w/ Drew McIntyre VS Seth Rollins; wins and
  • SmackDown Tag Team Championships: The Bludgeon Brothers VS Team Hell No; wins and
  • Steel Cage Match: Braun Strowman VS Kevin Owens; wins.
  • Roman Reigns VS Bobby Lashley; wins.
  • WWE Championship: AJ Styles VS Rusev w/ Aiden English; wins and

PLAY BY PLAY

Finn Balor joins the Kickoff Panel!

What does he think about Braun Strowman VS Kevin Owens in a Cage? Finn doesn’t envy Kevin tonight. As for Baron Corbin, Finn feels Corbin’s singing voice is the only thing worse than his wardrobe. Let’s just say Corbin isn’t American Idol material. Finn’s been dealing with guys like Corbin, but he’s gonna chop this tree down. And if it means making Stephanie McMahon an enemy for it, he’ll happily do it. Can the Extraordinary Man stop the Constable from ruining Raw?

 

Kickoff Show: Andrade “Cien” Almas w/ Zelina Vega VS Sin Cara!

Former amigos are now enemies as El Idolo has been listening to his manager and following her business plan. Almas won on SmackDown, but can he do it just minutes away from Extreme Rules?

The bell rings and the rematch begins. Almas swings on Sin Cara with a heavy hayamker, then dodges him. Sin Cara tilt-o-whirls to arm-drag, then headscissors! Almas slips out but Sin Cara runs. Almas comes in but Sin Cara anticipates his counter to dump him out again. Sin Cara builds speed to DIVE, but Almas throws him into barriers! Vega likes that, and Sin Cara writhes while Almas catches his breath. Almas puts Sin Cara in the ring, but fans rally up for the masked luchador. Almas stomps away on Sin Cara, then throws forearms. He runs and dropkicks Sin Cara in the head. Almas stomps Sin Cara more, then drags him up to whip him to a corner. Sin Cara tries to boot, but gets caught into a draping backbreaker and DDT. Cover, TWO.

Vega grows frustrated now, she wants Almas to finish this fast. Sin Cara hits back, then runs, but into a back elbow! He ends up outside the ring now, and Almas runs to Tranquilo! Vega joins him, and the two have control while we go picture in picture.

Almas fetches Sin Cara ot chop him against the barrier. Vega applauds Almas as he drags Sin Cara up and into the ring. Almas stalks and stomps Sin Cara more, then wrenches the arm in a seated armbar. Fans rally and Sin Cara fights his way up. Sin Cara fights back but Almas wrangles him down while we go to single picture. Almas wrenches harder, but Sin Cara refuses to quit. Fans rally up again and Sin Cara stands. Sin Cara fights back again, then backs Almas down to arm-drag him away. Sin Cara dodges from the corner, then throws forearms. Almas throws back and they brawl. Sin Cara chops and chops, then whips. Almas reverses, but Sin Cara springboards for the crossbody! Then again for the quebrada! Sin Cara is fired up, but is tossed up, for another tilt-o-whirl spike-rana! Cover, TWO!

Vega is furious but Sin Cara is ready. Sin Cara brings Almas up, but Almas blocks the suplex. Almas slips out and boots back, then climbs up. Sin Cara swing kicks Almas! Almas is stuck up top and Sin Cara chops him. Sin Cara positions Almas then climbs up, but Almas fights back. Almas trips Sin Cara up, Tree of Woe but Sin Cara slips out to shove Almas down! Almas hits the apron back first, then crawls into the ring. Sin Cara goes up, for a SUPER huricanrana! BOth men crash and burn to the ground, but Sin Cara is up first. He puts Almas in the ring, climbs up again, FROG SPLASH! But Vega distracts on the apron! Almas dropkicks Sin Cara down. Vega chants for them, Almas gives us CIEN KNEES! And the Hammerlock DDT! Cover, Almas wins!

Winner: Andrade “Cien” Almas, by pinfall

El Idolo gets the sweep, but with help from his business partner this time. Will Sin Cara get some back-up before trying again? Or are Almas & Vega on to bigger and better things?

 

Shinsuke Nakamura is in the Social Media Lounge.

Can he hear Renee on the panel? Does he have a working mic? The King of Strong Style is set to face Jeff Hardy, how does he feel about the United States Champion? Shinsuke continues to “not hear” anyone. But then he speaks up, claiming “bad connection.” After his rivalry with AJ Styles, how important is tonight’s win? “You’re a clown, like Jeff Hardy.” Perhaps, but how important is winning the US title? What? Well, one artist to another, Nakamura respects Hardy. But tonight, Hardy will lose his canvas, his paint, and his title. With that, Nakamura’s time is over, but is it really just beginning?

 

Dolph Ziggler & Drew McIntyre join the Kickoff panel.

The pulse of the nation wants THE top champion on Raw to be around, and that’s Ziggler. Ziggler has made his career out of turning small opportunities into big ones. “Opportunist” gets a negative connotation, but Ziggler is proud to be one. Ziggler’s been in Rollins’ spot, with fans behind you as well as against you. The WWE Universe is the 12th Man, but they’re also very fickle. You need to worry about yourself and the title, oh and he has McIntyre watching his back. Rollins lost to the “psychopath” Scotsman, and now McIntyre can be ringside for that Ironman Match.

So McIntyre is a part of Ziggler’s strategy? Yes, because McIntyre isn’t like the WWE Universe, who are only behind Rollins while they’re here. McIntyre is on Ziggler’s side 24/7, and they’re not tired of winning. Ziggler won’t worry about stealing the show, he’s just here to win. Main event no matter the spot, but will Rollins be the one stealing the win?

 

Kickoff Show: Six Man Tag Tables Match: SAnitY VS The New Day!

Awwwwww~ Pittsburgh! Don’t you dare be sour! Someone is going through a table, so feel~ the power~! Can the power of positivity overcome pure chaos? Or will Eric Young and his anarchic allies begin their own Purge in SmackDown?

The bell rings, annd it’s a brawl! All six men pair off as Big E goes after Killian Dain and Kofi clotheslines Alexander Wolfe out of the ring. Woods clubs away on Young but Young whips. Woods reverses and sends Young out of the ring while Big E throws Dain into steps! Kofi kicks Wolfe while he’s down, and then the New Day present the first table! They set it up but SAnitY pounces! Wolfe clubs Big E while Young kicks Kofi. Dain has Woods while the others put Big E in the ring. Young & Wolfe stomp away then drag Big E up for body shots. Big E slips out and Young hits Wolfe by accident. Big E dumps Young out, and then runs at them both, but into double knees! Wolfe drags E up while Young climbs. Swinging neckbreaker then elbow drop in that order!

Woods and Kofi have wiped out “Big Damo” in the meantime, but that still leaves Big E alone against two opponents. We go picture in picture while E endures stomps. Wolfe brings Big E up for a haymaker from Young. Young and Wolfe kick and choke Big E against ropes, and there are no rules keeping them from doing it. But Big E revives to throw hands! Only for Young to clobber him again. Young & Wolfe choke Big E more while we go back to single picture. They haul Big E up, but Big E holds on. Kofi & Woods return to throw Wolfe & Young out! Then together, Woods & Kofi FLY! They wipe out Young & Wolfe, but Big Damo returns, to DIVE!!

The Beast of Belfast wipes them both out, then he drags Kofi up and into the ring. SAnitY regroups to go after Kofi while getting a table of their own. Make that two tables! Wolfe hoists Kofi up to the top rope while the tables are set up. Young keeps Woods and Big E down while the preparations finish. Wolfe wants a STACK, so that’s what they make! Kofi resists, so Young & Damo come in to help. Big E goes after Big Damo, yurinagi and backstabber with Woods’ help! The New Day regroup to help Kofi with Young & Wolfe. Double powerbomb stomps! Steel City is fired up as The New Day stand. Big E drags Young up while Kofi kicks Wolfe out. They bring Young over to the first table, and set him up. Kofi climbs but Damo drags him down off the top!

Big E and Woods run in, but into a clothesline, and a Michinoku Driver that drives Woods into Big E! Kofi kicks Damo in the corner, then Trouble in Paradise! Damo goes down, and Young is still on that table. Kofi takes aim, but Wolfe runs in. Wolfe is sent onto the apron, but Young gets away while Wolfe picks Kofi up. Kofi turns it around, but Wolfe holds on for dear life. Wolfe fights back and even bites Kofi’s face! Kofi teeters, Young jumps to drive Kofi through!!

Winners: SAnitY, Kofi going through table

Anarchy rules the day! Is this a new day of doom and gloom for SmackDown’s Tag Team Division?

 

The Deleters of Worlds speak.

“B Team, you mendacious monkeys!” The rules of extreme shall end their streak of luck. “We’re here, and we’re next.”

 

WWE takes it to the Extreme!

Two alphas fight for supremacy, two frenemies reunite, and two men go for no less than 30 minutes to decide who is the rightful Intercontinental Championship, and that’s only some of what’s in store for tonight. The Goddess and Irresistible Force go to the Extreme with the namesake match. A Prizefighter is stuck in a cage with a Monster! And a Bulgarian Brute looks to be better than Phenomenal in his first world title match! Who will be victorious on this 10th anniversary of Extreme Rules!?

 

Raw Tag Team Championships: The Deleters of Worlds VS The B Team!

The undefeated “Best” Team of Monday Night Raw wishes to mock and belittle the WOKEN Wisdom of the Consumer of Terrestrial Entities and the vessel known as Matt Hardy. However, this only served to raise the ire of both eternal beings, and now there must be RETRIBUTION! Will Axel & Bo be EATEN, DELETED and DEFEATED!?

 


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Mitchell’s Ring of Honor Report! (7/7/18)

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ROH WRESTLING TELEVISION, Episode 355

ROH goes to the extreme as Cheeseburger and Bully Ray battle in a No Holds Barred Match! With no rules but to win, can Burger survive the hardcore legend?!

 

All images courtesy of the Fite.TV app and streaming service

 

OFFICIAL RESULTS

  • Riley Shepard & Gabby Ortiz VS Sumie Sakai & Stella Grey; Sumie & Stella win.
  • No Holds Barred: Bully Ray Dudley VS Cheeseburger; Bully Ray wins.
  • Titan VS Cody w/ Brandi Rhodes & Bernard the Business Bear; Cody wins.

PLAY BY PLAY

Cody & Brandi Rhodes speak.

“You know those stories about pirates that plundered a ship and leave a man behind, marauders that raid a village and leave one behind?” Both fiction and reality, one person was always left behind to tell the tale. Titan, you’re going to experience that as Cody leaves just enough gas left for you to crawl back to CMLL. That way, he can tell them that if they want to maintain a relationship with Cody’s ROH, they need to send someone bigger, better. No one’s bigger than Cody. Cody laughs and hugs his wife, but will he need to be consoled by her after tonight?

 

Riley Shepard & Gabby Ortiz VS Sumie Sakai & Stella Grey!

The Women of Honor return as the inaugural ROH WOH Champion teams with the ROH Dojo graduate to take on the debuting Geek Gladiator and returning Gift of Gab. Can the Ray of Sunshine continue on her roll since becoming champion, even in 2v2 competition? Or will there be a shocking non-title upset from the Monster Factory graduates?

The Code of Honor is upheld, and Stella starts with Riley. They circle with the bell and tie up. Riley gets a headlock then wrenches the arm. Stella rolls through to reverse the wrench, then brings Riley to the mat. Riley gets up and arm-drags but Stella holds on. Stella has Riley in the armlock, but Riley gets up and whips. Stella reverses the whip, then drop toeholds, and Sumie adds the dropkick before Stella hits the elbow drop. Sumie goes back to her corner while Stella covers, TWO.

Stella brings Riley up but Riley rolls Stella away from Sumie. Riley kicks Stella down, then tags to Gabby. Gabby neck snaps Stella then hits a basement dropkick. Cover, TWO, but Gabby keeps her cool. Fans rally up while Gabby tags Riley back. They double Russian leg sweep Stella, then Riley cartwheels to drop knees. Cover, TWO, but Gabby & the Geek keep control while we go to break.

ROH returns and Stella suplex fights with Gabby. They go for a suplex at the same time, but cancel out. Stella suddenly throws Gabby overhead! Stella crawls for Sumie while fans fire up. Gabby crawls for Riley, hot tags to her and Sumie! Sumie rallies on Riley with Mongolian chops! She’s all fired up as she whips but Riley reverses, only for Sumie to hammerlock and forearm Riley! Sumie runs, and bowls Riley over with a forearm smash! She hits the shining wizard, covers, but Gabby breaks it up quick. Gabby and Riley double whips Sumie, but Sumie breaks through to hit them with double clotheslines! Gabby and Riley end up in opposite corners, so Sumie forearms Riley before grinding a boot into Gabby.

Sumie hits Riley with another forearm, then the swinging knee! She goes after Gabby but Gabby puts her on the apron. Sumie knocks Gabby away, then climbs up top. Missile dropkick! Riley gets up to roll Sumie, TWO! Sumie gets back at her with the TJ Neckbreaker! TWO! Sumie’s surprised, but she’s not done yet. She brings Riley up but Riley jawbreakers. Gabby returns for a jumping DDT! Riley fireman’s carry but Sumie slips out. Riley kicks away and rock Sumie with a roundhouse. Cover, but Stella breaks it just in time. Gabby hits Stella, then whips Stella, only for Stella to SPEAR her down! Riley gets Stella with an Exploder! She swings on Sumie but Sumie counters with a back elbow. Sumie then gets Riley in the Smash Mouth!

Cover, Sumie & Stella win!

Winners: Sumie Sakai & Stella Grey, Sumie pinning

Gabby & Riley did the Monster Factory proud, but it wasn’t enough to stop this Ray of Sunshine. Will the star of Japan’s Jersey Shore make this inaugural reign an instant classic?

 

ROH looks at what led to tonight’s No Holds Barred match.

Cheeseburger requested such an intense match after everything Bully Ray has done to him. It was back at Supercard of Honor XII that The Dawgs challenged Burger to a match, but Burger needed a partner. So Burger turned to a man he thought would help him in the tag team hall of fame legend. Bully accepted, and the two rallied on Rhett & Ferrara, only for Bully to turn on Burger mid-match! Bully was disgusted by Burger putting him on the spot. To Bully, Burger and wrestlers like him are what’s wrong with wrestling today.

Then, as Burger looked for payback at War of the Worlds back in May, Bully robbed him of it with a low blow! Bully let himself be counted out as he glared at fans, then came back to hurt Burger more with a powerbomb. Burger got back at Bully a couple days later with a low blow, only to suffer a SUPER sit-out powerbomb! Bully added insult to injury as he used chains to whip and lash Burger. Burger wins on the record books, but he wants more. Now he will enter the hardcore legend’s territory in a match with No Disqualifications and No Count Outs! Will Burger truly win against his Bully? Or will he be lucky to survive?!

 

No Holds Barred: Bully Ray Dudley VS Cheeseburger!

ROH is about to go extreme!

It’s Burger Time, but this won’t be fun and games. Bully literally let Burger win their past two meetings, once by disqualification, then by count-out. Now there’s no way for Bully to keep himself protected from a loss to the underdog, will Bully be a man and finish this fight?

Bully sure seems to do something, as he rushes the ring, already armed with a kendo stick!

Though, he doesn’t use it yet, as he sneaks up behind the fired up Burger for a low blow! Burger tumbles down and fans rain down boos and jeers as the bell rings. Fans do cheer “E C Dub! E C Dub!” for the legend, too, as the Hammerstein Ballroom is old stomping grounds for one half of Team 3D. Bully also shows he has a cheese grater for the Cheeseburger. Burger is clutching his nuts but Bully won’t give him time to rest. He hammers Burger down then brings in a trash can to SMASH Burger with it! Bully grimaces down at Burger as he drags him over, to whip him into barriers! Bully trash talks Burger, egging him on as he hammers Burger again. He brings Burger up and around to bounce off the timekeeper’s table.

Cary Silkin gets up from his seat, not wanting to be this close to the action, and Bully gets in his face about it. The fans sense a table in their future, but Bully puts Burger into the ring instead. Bully talks trash to Cary again, then goes back to Burger. Fans let Bully know what they think of him as he brings Burger up. Bully sets Burger on the top rope, and into a Tree of Woe, to stand on the crotch! Bully tortures Burger’s nuggets, and reminds everyone, especially the referee, that there are no disqualifications. He starts intimidating the referee, and fans boo and jeer. Bully watches Burger on the mat, refusing to quit. Burger drags himself up but Bully is on him again with a trophy lift! And then throws him to the mat! Bully mocks the fans by lending an ear, brother.

Bully, still talking crap to Cary, then grabs that kendo stick and takes his time playing around. He dares the ref to do something, then he SMACKS Burger across the back. Burger writhes in pain but Bully won’t end it. Bully continues to, well, bully the referee, but we take a commercial break.

ROH returns but Bully still toys with Burger. He lifts Burger up with the kendo stick to jab it into Burger’s ribs. Bully says “This is what you wanted.” He puts up his hands to jab and jab away. Burger wobbles as Bully winds up the Bionic Elbow, but Bully takes too long and Burger picks up the kendo stick! Burger SMACKS Bully back! And his front! Fans are fired up with Burger as he just swings for the fences! Bully is writhing in pain now as fans chant for Burger. Burger keeps going, then chokes Bully with the stick! Bully snapmares Burger off, then kicks him before picking him up for a powerbomb TOSS!

Burger crash lands on the mat, but Bully isn’t done with him. Bully is stinging from the kendo stick strikes, but Hammerstein shouts “We Want Tables!” Bully rejects that idea to present a chain! He whips and slaps Burger over and over with the steel, daring Burger to get up. The referee won’t let Bully continue, “He’s had enough!” Bully says “He’s had enough when I say he’s had a enough.” The ref pleads with Bully but Bully whips HIM with the chain! That’s the last straw for Colt Cabana, he rushes the ring!

Cabana SPEARS Bully and throws furious right hands! Hammerstein is thunderous as Cabana grabs that chain, to clothesline Bully with it! Fans are chanting “Colt Cabana!” as the ROH veteran takes that cheese grater, and hands it to Burger! He brings Bully around to open the way, and Burger goes up to ask, WAZZUP!? The cheese grater to the nuts, that’s what! And Burger grinds it in deep! Fans are thunderous for Burger, as Cabana tells him, “Burger! Get the tables!” Fans like that!

Burger & Cabana grab a table, drag it into the ring, but Bully revives and grabs Burger, to back suplex him down. Cabana is beside himself as Bully brings the table out for his own uses. Cabana tries to coach Burger up but Bully is on him again. Bully brings Burger over, sets him on the table, then hammers away to keep him there. Bully climbs up, takes aim, and leaps, but Burger dodges! The splash belly-flops through the table!

Burger crawls over, makes the cover, but there’s no referee! Another one appears, counts, TWO!! If only there wasn’t the delay, Burger would’ve won by now. But Burger still has something left. He fires up, takes aim, but now BJ Whitmer brings Cabana away from ringside. Bully boots Burger down, covers, Bully wins!

Winner: Bully Ray Dudley, by pinfall

Just as Burger was closing in on true victory, Bully pulls a win out of nowhere. The referee helps him stand up, but Bully shoves him out of the ring! Bully celebrates for himself, and surprisingly doesn’t beat down Burger more. Will this bully ever get what he truly deserves?

 

It’s Coleman’s Pulpit!

The Most Versatile Man in Sports Today returns to bring us the truth, for the truth will help you see. Today’s guest, or rather guests, are the most requested guests and the ROH World Six Man Tag Team Champions, The Kingdom.

The Kingdom’s Matt Taven & TK O’Ryan are honored to be on the show, they’re big fans of Caprice Coleman. Huge fans even. They were raised right, because they never come to a party without bringing a gift. The Kingdom remembers Coleman’s days in the Rebellion, and that sweet beret. They have a nice little surprise: a brand new… Dunce cap! Or rather, “Melvin” cap. Oh, and balloons, courtesy of Vinnie Marseglia. Want some wine? No thanks. Well alright. Vinnie drinks his from a balloon…?

Moving on, the two-time Six Man champs are going to learn who their next contenders are after a five-team Gauntlet match! Isn’t that a little fishy? The Kingdom had to wait a whole year to get their rematch, but a “merry bunch of Melvins” get a shortcut to a title match? Caprice is a smart man, is that a conspiracy to him? Perhaps. Coleman remembers a story, there was a guy who got everything handed to him. His parents bought him a luxury sedan for his 16th birthday, but then he wrecked it! So what did he do then? He just asked for another, and his parents got him one. This time it was a mid-size, because now he’d have to drive his siblings around. This “adversity” made that young man spruce up that car into the best out of what they head. Like The Kingdom and the titles!

Hey, wait. Are they the sedan in this story?! Is Coleman claiming there’s no conspiracy?! Well he just thought they were passed that. There IS a conspiracy! Matt is #TwoBeltsOneTaven and he should have THREE belts! He’s the real ROH World Champion! And by the way, that hat was calling Coleman a Melvin the entire time. Coleman tells “Pauly Shore” here that he is no Melvin, and they are his guests, “you jive turkey!” Says you, you Melvin jive turkey SUCKA! Back at you, you jive TIVE turkey! That’s Dr. Jive Turkey to you, Melvin! Doctor? More like SUCKA Jive Tive- Balloon pop. Y’all’re crazy. And that’s coming from Vinnie. Taven isn’t crazy, he’s a champion. And Coleman’s pocket square isn’t even real. The Kingdom storm out, leaving Coleman to close his segment with a “See you later.”

 

SoCal Uncensored speaks.

“Matt Taven, the Kingdom, I have to applaud you.” First, they took advantage of Three-Team Six Man chaos to keep those titles in the UK. Second, there’s now a “wacky gauntlet” so that SCU has to battle everyone else for a rematch they should already have. That’s fine by Daniels, because the SCU is happy to beat up all the filler ROH creates for this gauntlet to happen. In New York, all the wannabe badass trios can bring it on, because the SCU will bring that #MandatoryViolence. Will Daniels, Kaz & Scorpio win against four other would-be contenders to get their rematch with The Kingdom?

 

The Dawgs are desperate.

They need a third man to even be part of the Six Man Tag Gauntlet, but if they want Shane Taylor to be that third man, they need lots and lots of cash! Maybe they can squeeze some of the other guys for money. Ryan Nova comes along but doesn’t want any trouble. Then give up some cash! He doesn’t have any on him, so Rhett shakes him down. Look, it’s his wallet! Wait, all he has is $6 and a bunch of receipts? Now what? Can they at least give Ryan his wallet back? Yes, and a swift jab, too! “Keep the change, you filthy animal.” The Dawgs laugh their way out, but with barely enough money for drinks, how are they gonna pay the Notorious Hitman?

 

Titan VS Cody w/ Brandi Rhodes & Bernard the Business Bear!

The crossover of ROH and CMLL continue, but the American Nightmare vows to make this an ultimatum. Will the former ROH World Champion prove the oldest promotion needs to step it up? Or will he find that he’s the one not on CMLL’s level?

Cody upholds the Code of Honor with Titan, but then wants Titan to kiss the ring. Titan declines, he just wants to wrestle. The bell rings and the two circle. Cody wants Titan to hold on a moment, as he gets some push-ups in. Cody gets his pump and flexes, so Titan shows off his flexibility with neck stretches. Fans like that, and even Cody applauds. Fans chant “Lucha! Lucha!” for CMLL as Cody and Titan circle again. They tie up, Cody gets a headlock and takeover, but Titan stands back up. Titan fights out then powers out, but Cody runs him over. Titan kips back up, and Cody admits that was good. But then Cody kicks low and drops for the uppercut.

Titan comes back with quick kicks, then whips. Cody reverses and things speed up, but Titan shows his balance with the handstand, only for Cody to kick him down. Cody flexes to embrace both cheers and jeers. He stalks Titan to a corner, then whips him corner to corner, but Titan reverses. Titan runs in but is put on the apron. Titan swing kicks Cody away, then springboards for a crossbody! Dropkick on top, and Titan dares Cody to come back. Titan runs, but Bernard swipes at him! Titan backs the bear down, but Cody comes back. Cody misses but then Brandi trips Titan up. Cody pounces on Titan, then covers. TWO, but the former champion is still in control while we go to one more break.

ROH returns once more, and Cody goes after Titan’s mask! The referee counts so Cody backs off to hear the fans boo and jeer, brother. Fans only boo and jeer more as Cody goes side to side. Cody goes back to Titan and whips him into a corner. Cody gives a corner clothesline, then another. He slaps Titan, then embraces the heat. Cody runs corner to corner, but Titan follows with a big corner clothesline! Titan kicks Cody between ropes over and over, then springboards for a missile dropkick! He keeps moving, giving another dropkick to send Cody out. Titan and the fans rally up, and Titan builds speed, but Bernard trips him! Titan goes after Bernard, but then Cody rushes in. Cody swings on Titan, but Titan dodges and Cody hits Bernard instead! Cody checks on Bernard, but then Titan mule kicks and SUPER Asai Moonsaults!

Titan wipes out both Cody and Bernard! Bernard’s head came off! Is he dead?! Brandi tries to help the mascot, but Titan grabs her by the sling. The referee warns Titan, and Titan thinks better of it, so he just hits Cody again. Titan puts Cody back in the ring, then climbs up top. Fans fire up, but Cody sees him and goes to the opposite side. Titan hops down, but Cody boots him down! Cody shouts for Brandi to give him something. She throws in her hairspray, but it ends up closer to Titan. Titan picks it up, but the referee takes it away. This leaves Titan open to Cody’s low blow kick! Then Beautiful Disaster Kick! TWO!? Titan survives somehow, but Cody grows frustrated.

Cody drags Titan up, and the two brawl with forearms. They go back and forth, then Cody jabs and throws haymakers. Cody runs, but Titan goes Matrix to then calf kick! Titan runs, but Cody uses the ref as a shield. Titan stops, and in the distraction, Cody snatches the mask off!! Small package, Cody wins!!

Winner: Cody, by pinfall

Such disrespect and dishonor, but for the American Nightmare, a win is a win. Cody and Brandi laugh at the embarrassed luchador, but will they get the last laugh in the hunt for the ROH World Championship?

 


 

My Thoughts:

This was a good episode of ROH. Not as good as other weeks, but still good. The WOH Division tag match was alright, but it could’ve been better. Perhaps while Gabby & Riley have worked together and they have chemistry, they just weren’t as familiar with Sumie and Stella. That and the fans didn’t really know whether to cheer or boo Sumie, they went back and forth at times. In the end, Sumie’s team wins because the inaugural WOH Champion should only lose in singles competition, and only to someone fitting. With Deonna Purrazzo headed back to the WWE, it seems like it’ll be between Kelly Klein or Tenille Dashwood to be the next #1 contender.

That No Holds Barred Match went as could be expected. I like this new element of Bully targeting Cary Silkin, former owner of ROH before the Sinclair purchase, and still an active producer of the show. I bet Bully will end up facing Colt Cabana at some point, with how Cabana did his best to even things out for Cheeseburger. That Coleman’s Pulpit segment to hype up the Six Man Gauntlet was so goofy, I couldn’t help but like it. There was a lot of great detail in facial expressions and close-up camera cuts, like Vinnie preparing a balloon string garrote for Coleman. SCU stake their claim, but I wonder if one of these makeshift trios will come out on top instead. And I know Cody is the star right now, especially in his own mind, but Bully and Burger would’ve made a better main event all things considered.

My Score: 8/10


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Coverage

Mitchell’s Lucha Underground Report! (7/11/18)

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Lucha Underground Season 4

Lucha Underground Season 4, “Sacrificio”

The Monster, Matanza, is a demigod on a rampage, and he prepares another Sacrifice to the Gods! Is anyone on the Lucha Underground roster safe?!

 

Gifs to come courtesy of http://frentique.tumblr.com/

 

OFFICIAL RESULTS

  • Sacrifice to the Gods: Matanza Cueto VS Cortez Castro; Matanza wins, and Cortez is sacrificed.
  • Ancient Aztec Medallion match: Ivelisse VS Joey Ryan; Ivelisse wins.
  • Triple Threat Ancient Aztec Medallion match: Son of Havoc VS Killshot VS The Mack; Mack wins, he and Havoc earn medallions.
  • Ancient Aztec Medallion match: Mil Muertes w/ Catrina VS Cage; Muertes wins.

PLAY BY PLAY

Cortez Castro is in the ring.

The dirty cop who was investigating Dario Cueto has been invited out by Antonio. Antonio’s sources have sniffed out that Cortez is an undercover cop. But that’s fine, because Antonio is reporting a murder. Well, not a murder, but a sacrifice!!

Sacrifice to the Gods: Matanza Cueto VS Cortez Castro!

Antonio is killing two birds with one stone, or perhaps a pig? Either way, Matanza rushes the ring in a hurry! Cortez tries to fight him off with that kendo stick, but to no avail. Matanza headbutts Cortez down, then whips for the WRATH OF THE GODS! Cover, Matanza wins!

Winner: Matanza Cueto, by pinfall

The Monster God has won, and the Believers call for “Sacrifice!” With another flash of bloody lightning, Cortez disappears! That makes two souls devoured by the Temple, how many more will be taken to satiate Matanza’s blood lust?

 

Ancient Aztec Medallion match: Ivelisse VS Joey Ryan!

The Baddest Bitch made an impact in her return when she hammered her ex, Jeremiah Crane, then shoved him in a casket. Meanwhile, The Big Sleazy just wants to spread the love. Or at least the baby oil… Who will grab hold of gold to qualify for the Gift of the Gods?

The bell rings and Joey tucks the lollipop in his pants. He knows Ivelisse wants him, but he won’t let her slap him. She still does, with the other hand. He pie faces her back, then he gives her a face full of chest hair! Ivelisse grabs that hair and throws him by it! She chops the chest hair off him, then springboards for an arm-drag. Joey staggers, but Ivelisse throws him more with headscissors. She gives him a back elbow, he gives her a SLAP! Joey climbs on and grinds her face into the mat. Fans boo and jeer, but Joey just enjoys it more. He covers, TWO. He tries again, TWO! One more time, TWO! Joey swears that’s six, because it adds up. The referee disagrees with that logic. Joey goes back to Ivelisse for a chinlock.

Fans rally up for Ivelisse, and she stands up. Ivelisse fights out with body shots, but Joey shoves her. She comes back into an Octopus! Joey breaks out but Ivelisse throws him out. Ivelisse builds speed, but runs into a SUPERKICK! Joey covers, but rather lazily, TWO! He’s shocked, but he has something up his sleeve. Or rather, in his pants. He pulls the lollipop, but Ivelisse snapmares and kicks him down! Both wrestlers slowly get up, then speed up. Ivelisse rallies and enziguris, cover, TWO! Joey gets to a corner but Ivelisse is on him with a chop and a whip. He reverses, then sleazes it up as he runs in, but into a SUPERKICK. Ivelisse runs, but into a spinebuster! Cover, TWO!

The Believers rally up, and Joey stalks Ivelisse. He goes for the chest but Ivelisse counters and kicks away. Ivelisse throws him with a German Suplex! Cover, TWO! Fans rally up again, and Ivelisse gets going. Joey catches her with a  shoulder to the stomach, then prepares a bomb. He lifts her up but she fights out. She slaps away, then scorpion kicks into the running Destroyer! Cover, Ivelisse wins!

Winner: Ivelisse, by pinfall; earns an Aztec Medallion

Finally, the Baddest joins the Gift of the Gods seven-way! Can she skyrocket to the top with a free shot at the Lucha Underground Champion?

 

Triple Threat Ancient Aztec Medallion match: Son of Havoc VS Killshot VS The Mack!

The Lucha Underground Trios Champions weren’t so sure about each other when Antonio Cueto just decided to lump the Man from the Open Road in for the MIA Dante Fox. But then they turned it around in their first defense together against Infamous Inc. Will they be able to keep things together when they’re forced to fight over such a tempting singles prize?

But wait, Antonio Cueto has been thinking about this match all night. It’s missing something. Three champions fighting for one medallion, that’s great. But he always asks himself, “Could it be greater?” Believers seem to think so. So in a brilliant flash, it came to him: it’s missing a second medallion! The only one who gets nothing is the one who gets pinned or submitted! The stakes just got raised, who will be the odd man out?

Lucha Underground returns and the match begins! And while Killshot targets Havoc, Mack doesn’t want the team to implode like this. Killshot moves him aside, but Havoc counters. Killshot slips out of the suplex and shoves Havoc into Mack’s shoulder. Mack swings a kick but Killshot ducks it. The champions stare down, but the two who have been a team longest are the ones arguing the strongest. Killshot kicks Mack and then throws him out. He goes after Havoc, then throws him to ropes. Havoc dodges and speeds up to DIVE on Mack! Killshot builds speed but handsprings out, only to run into Havoc’s boots. Havoc goes up to springboard, asai moonsault wipes out Killshot & Mack!

Fans rally for Havoc as he puts Mack in the ring. Havoc throws hands on Mack then whips him. Mack counters with an arm-drag, then runs into the corner. Havoc dodges but Mack headstands and twerks! Mack dodges Havoc to back elbow him into the corner. Havoc rolls out but Mack takes aim. Mack builds speed but Killshot moves to intercept, only to get the running enziguri! Killshot goes back out and Mack builds speed again to FLY! Mack wipes out Havoc and Killshot! Fans are fired up as Mack puts Killshot back in the ring. Killshot is dazed but he still swings on Mack. Mack blocks and SLAPS the taste out of his mouth. Mack chops Killshot sharp in the corner, then whips him to ropes. Killshot reverses and wrings the arm out, to then kick it out. He stalks Mack to a corner to then stomp that arm.

Killshot brings Mack up and chops him in return. He kicks the arm, then trips Mack up. Havoc returns but Killshot ducks under. Killshot gives him a tilt-o-whirl backbreaker. Mack hits Killshot from the apron but Killshot sweeps the legs to SUPERKICK Mack down. Fans rally for Killshot as he stalks Havoc. He slaps Havoc in the head, then says he’s not a brother in arms, he’s a nobody! Killshot slaps Havoc more, but Havoc gets fired up. Havoc hits back, and it’s a brawl of heavy forearms. They go back and forth but Havoc gets the edge. Killshot knees low, then runs, but Havoc follows. Tilt-o-whirl DDT brings Killshot down!

Mack returns slowly while the other two are still down. He stands, but Killshot and Havoc follow. Mack hits Killshot, Killshot hits Havoc, and Havoc hits Mack.

They keep going, and Mack kicks Killshot. Havoc boots Mack, then handsprings but misses. Mack POUNCES to send Havoc out! Mack whips Killshot out but Killshot bumps him back. Killshot then slings in and German suplexes, but Mack is up! But Mack runs into a Spanish Fly and dropkick! Believers know “This is Awesome!” but far from over. Havoc returns, and kicks Mack back. He climbs up, lines up the shot, an double double stomps them! Rebound cutter!

But Mack kicks Havoc to a corner. Mack runs in for a big left, then a boot wash! He keeps going, inverted cannonball! Havoc staggers up, Mack Samoan Drops and kip-ups to a moonsault! Cover, TWO!! Fans are loving Mack as he puts Havoc on the top rope. Mack slaps Havoc before climbing up to join him. Havoc resists, then fights back with body shots. He clubs away on Mack’s back, fast and furious! Havoc headbutts Mack down, then adjusts. Killshot returns to grab his beard! Killshot fireman’s carry, Death Valley on the apron! He puts Havoc in, then climbs up for the killer stomps! Mack Stunner! But who to pin!? The loser loses a medal, so he chooses Kilslhot! Mack wins!!

Winner: The Mack, by pinfall; only Killshot does not earn an Aztec Medallion

The Mack helps himself and Son of Havoc join the Gift of the Gods match, but leaves his older friend out in the cold. They’re all still Trios Champions, but it doesn’t seem like Killshot is happy with how it went down. He and the others argue it out, but Killshot slaps the medallion out of Mack’s hand. Dysfunction always seems to follow the Trios Titles, will it lead to a tag team implosion?

 

Ancient Aztec Medallion match: Mil Muertes w/ Catrina VS Cage!

The Man of 1000 Deaths and the Machine fought over the Gauntlet of the Gods last season, but both men are without that prize after King Cuerno stole it from Mil. But in the Temple, revenge always gains rewards, so perhaps this will make it up to Cage. Can the Machine overcome death in order to then pursue the Gift of the Gods and Pentagon Dark’s Lucha Underground Championship?

The two behemoths stare down, then start brawling! Cage knees low but Muertes hits back. Cage hits a jumping knee, then runs, but into a big right from Muertes. Muertes whips but Cage reverses. Muertes clubs Cage’s back but Cage clobbers him with a clothesline. Yet Muertes comes back with one of his own! Muertes whips Cage again, then pops Cage up, but to get a headscissors! Cage swings but misses, Muertes tilt-o-whirls! Then backstabber! Cage goes out of the ring, but Muertes pursues. Believers are dueling as Muertes brings Cage up to ram him into the apron. Then he throws Cage into railing. Cage gets up and SUPERKICKS Muertes! And throws Muertes into the railings. Cage throws forearm after forearm, and the Believers are rabid!

Cage grabs Catrina, but she’s not worried. Muertes rocks Cage with a right! Then Muertes bumps Cage off a chair, and puts him back in the ring. Muertes goes to bump Cage but Cage counters. Cage swing kicks, then climbs up to DEADLIFT SUPERPLEX Muertes into the ring! Cover, TWO! Cage is surprised, but not deterred. Fans duel more as Cage whips Muertes . Muertes slides to a stop to rock Cage. Cage staggers towards the ref, Muertes runs in, and SPEARS the ref!

Cage jumped out of the way, then discus clotheslines Muertes down! He covers, but no ref to count! The Believers count to about 5 before a replacement ref enters! He counts, TWO! If only he was there sooner, Cage would’ve won. Cage hears the Terminator drums, but then he suddenly clobbers that second ref!

Muertes hits the Flat Liner, covers, but a third ref is slow to appearing. TWO, and now Muertes is the one angry with authority. The referee is caught into a CHOKE SLAM! Muertes lifts Cage, Cage slips out but Muertes elbows back. Muertes goes to throw Cage but Cage throws Muertes into a post! Cage lifts Muertes in a pumphandle driver! But there’s still no referee. Muertes gets away, but fans know “This is Awesome!” Cage builds speed to FLY! The Machine wipes out Muertes, and Believers are losing their minds! Cage brings Muertes around to bump off the apron, then fireman’s carry. Muertes slips out to RAINMAKER! Or, maybe, Death Maker. Muertes brings out a chair, but Cage SUPERKICKS it into him! Cage scoop slams Muertes, then brings that chair over.

Cage soaks in the applause of the Believers, but that fan wearing the Cuerno mask takes off that mask to reveal… He’s Pentagon Dark!!

The Lucha Underground Champion is back for revenge after what Cage did to him weeks ago! CERO MIEDO!! And he attacks! The referees can’t disqualify this as Pentagon SMACKS Cage with the chair!

Pentagon puts Cage in the ring, and Muertes slithers in. Muertes stalks Cage, and SPEARS! The Reaper’s Trident sets up for the Flat Liner! Cover, count, Muertes wins!

Winner: Mil Muertes, by pinfall; earns an Aztec Medallion

With an assist to the Bone Collector, the Man of 1000 Deaths earns his spot in the Gift of the Gods title match. He asks Catrina to bless his victory with the Lick of Death, but she cannot. Seems that after gaining her mortality, she gave up her dark rituals. Muertes doesn’t understand, but he’s very upset with his femme fatale. They disappear into the shadows, for now.

Pentagon Dark speaks.

“Cage, don’t be sad because you didn’t win that medallion.” Don’t worry, because next week they will battle for the Lucha Underground Championship! Cage gets what he wants, but Pentagon tells him right now, that just like Aztec Warfare, the night will end with Pentagon still champion. And Cage, “mi amigo”, my friend, you will come out with a broken arm! Because Pentagon Dark has CERO MIEDO! Will the Machine make good on the free shot the Bone Collector is giving him? Or will he lose an arm along with the match?

 

The Rabbit Tribe has gone down the rabbit hole.

Paul London wonders, can this furniture get any smaller? Saltador finally speaks, saying he finds it “quite comfortable.” Mala Suerte seems to agree. Mascarita Sagrada finally returns. Alright, muchachos, the White Rabbit is ready to see you. Vaminos! Yes, let’s go! The tripped-out trio follow Mascarita further down the rabbit hole and…

“I have been waiting for you.” They bow before the great White Rabbit. They wish to have his guidance. Oh? In exchange for what? “Anything that you wish.” Anything, you say? Yes, anything. Then kill the man who brought you to him. Wait. Kill Mascarita? Tick tock, Mr. London! Kill Mascarita or you will not get your wish. Well okay… London raises the blunt instrument, and SPLATTERS poor Mascarita.

Bravo, Mr. London, bravo! That was very entertaining. And now, they shall see how far they’re really willing to go. What new madness has come to Lucha Underground?

 


 

My Thoughts:

A pretty good Lucha Underground episode, and all about the Aztec Medallions and Gift of the Gods. Unless I’ve lost count, I think there’s one medallion left, and we’ve got a great field of competitors already. Cuerno, Dragon Azteca, Ivelisse, The Mack, Son of Havoc, and now Mil Muertes. These six alone will put on a great match, adding just about anyone as the seventh will make it better. Ivelisse does pretty good against Joey Ryan, and she was a shoe-in between how fans love her and how Joey has been booked in LU. The twist for the triple threat was great, it really gives a great story for the Trios Champions without even needing another team to face. Though, I do expect them to put those titles on the line soon, and then lose them because Killshot quits on the team.

Muertes VS Cage was great, even before Pentagon made that surprise appearance. Pentagon giving Muertes the win is fine, as it helps bring up a new wrinkle in Catrina’s story: Muertes’ reaction. He’ll want explanations as to why Catrina didn’t do the Lick of Death, which has been a staple of their segments since the beginning. Meanwhile, Cage VS Pentagon is set and is going to be a great match. Honestly it could go either way, and creates suspense as to who the eventual Gift of the Gods Champion will be challenging. The only thing not related to Gift of the Gods was the Sacrifice. There wasn’t a whole lot of pomp and circumstance with it, but it seems this will be Lucha Underground’s way of doing squash matches. At the same time, sacrificing Cortez should trigger the story with Captain Perez, so that’ll be interesting.

My Score: 8.5/10


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