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CheapShots: The Next Level to The Arch

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WWE Ruby Riott
Cheap Shots are unfiltered, uncensored opinions, and those opinions reflect only the author!

Mad Man on a somber and serious flight path for two reasons. First is the passing of arguably the most important pillar to ever perform in The New York Territory and WWF. Think about that statement and then realize I’m not talking about Hulk Hogan, sorry Terry. One man justifies this description. When a man is a secular Saint for multiple generations of wrestling fans on The East Coast, and a pivotal figure to millions of immigrants in this country without having the circus of the modern art form behind him, he qualifies for such lofty status. When an organization puts its top honor on someone for EIGHT years and sells out the top athletic venue in The United States more than 170 times, rarified air becomes oxygen sent to other performers. I am a proud part of The Missing Man Formation for Bruno Sammartino, who was called home last week.

Monday Night Raw opens with a Ten Bell Salute and a tribute package for the original Living Legend. As a bonus, the video cut down on Paul Heyman’s talking time. My second level of seriousness can be traced to geography. This week’s episode emanates from St. Louis. Wrestling Territories nationwide had sacred cities for big cards: Portland, San Francisco, Minneapolis, Dallas, Memphis, New Orleans, Atlanta, Charlotte, and Tampa. So, what separated St. Louis from those cities? A former sports reporter named Sam Muchnick along with five other gentlemen; including one from Omaha, formed The National Wrestling Alliance in 1948. Fly Over Country my ass! YOU’RE WELCOME MARKS! Apologies for the emotion, but the author of this piece is doing cartwheels.

Muchnick had clout in Washington as well. Fighting off an early anti-trust lawsuit thanks to his political connections. Seen as an honest promoter, he was President of The NWA for over 25 years. Dealing with over 30 promoters and controlling The NWA Gold. For a while, one of those promoters was Vince McMahon Sr. The two bosses tried to organize a Title vs. Title showdown between Bruno and Lou Thesz in New York in 1966. Like always, the Super Match fell apart due to money. Thesz threatened to make it a shoot. However, Sammartino did get one “real” shot at the better gold on June 15th, 1973 in St. Louis. His opponent was Harley Race. They went an hour in a time-limit draw.

With that history, The Arch always deserves respect from the art form. Marks and sheep did not get much from Paul Heyman. Brock Lesnar’s Advocate brought his Beast and his microphone. As usual, he talked of spoilers instead of predictions. He actually compared The UFC Octagon to a steel cage in WWE? Okay Paul. Then he brought up Brock’s new contract, which wouldn’t exist without this desert circus on Friday. More locational proof of Vince’s anatomy. Heyman says Reigns is leaving in multiple boxes, without Universal Gold. Finally, Roman comes out to say he doesn’t know how he’s coming home, but he’s coming home with the strap. Would someone please advance this storyline?  Look, it’s Samoa Joe making old threats via cell phone video. I am officially bored out of my mind.

This week’s competition began with Elias mid-ring, ready to do his tweener promo when Bobby Roode’s entrance cuts him off. There will be no concert in St. Louis! Mr. Glorious dominated early and attempted his finish once, to no avail. He tweaked his knee before going for a Blockbuster, which he would hit later on. After this, Elias went outside the ring only to have Roode throw him back in. Trying to follow him, Roode was stunned thanks to Elias using the ropes inside the ring. Disoriented, Roode stumbled into a schoolboy from Elias, giving The Guitar Man the win.

Next match, we find The Ascension in the ring. Remnants of The Superstar Shakeup, who knew they were still employed? The Painted Clowns were the next set of sacrificial lambs for The Deleters of Worlds, Woken Matt & Bray Wyatt. The Weirdoes win was typically impressive. This smart mark would be surprised if these two were unsuccessful in Golden Expideetion. I like this team. My only question is how long they will be together? I hope the split doesn’t happen too soon.

Cut backstage and we find Chad Gable making his introduction to RAW GM Kurt Angle. The new arrival initially asks how his former tag team partner Jason Jordan is doing with recovery. Our GM tells him that Jordan is getting better, with the caveat that American Alpha is not reforming. Dogear this segment because WWE Creative may have actually found a plausible way out of The Illegitimate Son storyline down the road. For now, Gable says all he wants is an opportunity to compete. Enter Jinder Mahal, blowing smoke about being cheated out United States Gold. After The Indian Brooklyn Brawler went the “Nicholas” route, Kurt ordered the match in the ring. Gable is a supreme athlete who found a way to go over clean. I sincerely hope he is viewed and used as a serious option.

Thankfully, The Miz left Monday Night Raw. Aside from having to see him on Tuesdays now, the only drawback is that Stamford replaced one heel promo segment with another. At least Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn can work and aren’t stealing money. No surprise, their first show was designed to rub Kurt Angle’s nose in their current employment. Don’t piss an Olympic Gold Medalist off! He just might put you in a tag match against Bobby Lashley and Braun Strowman! The contest was a good kind of train wreck. Power and athleticism all over the place. Owens was destroyed before the finishing bell. Two running shoulder blocks and a 385lb dropkick outside the ring will do the trick. Sami Zayn took the pin after a patented vertical suplex from Lashley and a power slam from Strowman. If this team were ever made permanent, the entire division on RAW would be dead!

Did someone mention The Miz? In an arc that bordered on painful throughout the show. Two lost puppies tried to find a new master. After failing with both Seth Rollins and Finn Balor, both performers had a tag team match versus the same half of The IC Gold Picture that they had asked to help earlier in the night. Why is WWE doing this? These guys both have legacies in the art form and you haven’t given them any guts after this long? They deserve better. Thank God Mike showed them how to steal money.

We enter the most two-faced segment of the night. Mainly because the painful part was unwatchable. It turned hilarious half-way through. Back up to the start of the show. When Booker T. shows up on commentary, get ready for anything, especially recently. With that bit of information in your head, No Way Jose Congas his way to the ring for a match with Baron Corbin. Jose is not even through the ropes yet. On a live mic, The Pinch Hitter starts making the Adam Rose comparison. “Maybe we should give this guy a party bus? …It’s a script!” I was rolling on the floor. God Bless you, Booker! Corbin refused to have the match thanks to the size of the rookie’s conga line. The Heel With No Pulse had one Monday Night. Waiting for Jose’s companions to dance their way back to the locker room, leaving him vulnerable to an attack. By the way, I was too generous with my predicted timeline. There was no reaction to Jose last night, sorry kid.

Listen, I love The Women’s Division, but this is why moving whole factions from one show to the other is completely STUPID! Never mind storylines get interrupted for no good reason. Pardon me Ms. Riott, didn’t you cut this exact promo when you and your girls tried to blow up SmackDown Live? How many of you got shots at Gold with your little uprising? How many of those opportunities ended with a title change? Pitcher’s duels aren’t worth the hype ladies. Recess is a 10-woman tag match: The Riott Squad, Alexa and Mickie against Nia, Ember Moon, Sasha, Bayley and Natalya. The match was very physical and notable for two spots: Nattie had The Sharpshooter on Mickie when Sarah Logan gave her a chop block, rendering her incapacitated at ringside. Big Fine went full bowling ball from the apron, sprawling out ladies from both teams. Remember Nattie’s new friend from last week? Mickie James forgot. She kept attacking a wounded baby face. Cue Joan Jett! Ronda Rousey comes down to check on The Queen of Hearts and Mickie James blindsides HER and promptly ends up with an arm injury! Given The Gateway City’s sacred place in the artform, St. Louis has seen hundreds of better shows. For Little Vinnie’s Circus it was a coin flip at best. I’m hoping for better consistency when we get passed this sham in the desert. If my passengers will hurry, we’ll take the jet and haul ass to Louisville. See everyone there!

 

Research: http://www.solie.org/articles/muchnick.html

http://sportsandwrestling.mywowbb.com/forum2/7361.html

@wrestlerweekly

 


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Cheap Shots: The Town Wasn’t Crying

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My passengers and I had to sleep off Monday’s bad dream before taking a midday trek through the coastal skyway between LaGuardia and Logan. Rental Car agencies love us. We cover overhead for months. Last night’s SmackDown Live threw a dart in the map at Worcester, Massachusetts. The Beantown suburb has been a reliable stronghold for The Evil Empire for generations. Boston and its satellites have fabulous history with the art form. Look no further than John Cena and Sasha Banks. Older than a Millennial? Fine, would you settle for the most respected Shaman left in the industry? Boston proper is home to the heart of the last great Booker in NWA/WCW History. Marks remember him as “The Task Master” Kevin Sullivan.

There was an incredibly low threshold to surpass Monday’s utter junk. The Professional Instigator kicked things off. His segment was centered around a shockingly relevant question given the original source. Last week, The New Day won a tag team match with a unique stipulation. The winning team would send one member to Money in The Bank. Though, nobody new which member would get the honor. The Unicorns have verbal chemistry with a tree stump. Mike is near the top of the roster when cutting a promo. As a result, the question everybody was curious about led to a segment that would make Abbott & Costello smile! After the baseball routine, Mike didn’t get an answer. Would anyone be shocked if Mike’s mouth got him into a fight? He told us that he could beat any member of The New Day. Big E steps up to disagree. After weaseling his way up the ramp and being pelted with pancakes, GM Paige insists Mike get out there and fight. The Miz defeated Big E with help from The Bar. This led to The Sexy Goth Chick making a six-man tag next week, cool!

Early recess with dual qualifiers for Chicago on the ladies’ side. Our first contest is proof smarks still can’t do this on paper. Last week; when this match was made, 98% of the audience had one or both of these thoughts in their collective head: “Why is Lana in this match?” and/or “She has no shot here.” Tell me you didn’t and you’re lying! Billie Kay going over in this spot made complete sense because her IIconic partner did not qualify and Lana hadn’t wrestled in months. Her fans; which unabashedly include this author, were just happy to see her on camera again. She has proven more than capable with a promo. Would her in-ring potential be given legitimate thought again? Wait, they gave her a solid entrance with accompaniment from Aiden English. But, she’s competing against someone who is getting a massive push? Fortunately for The Ravishing Russian, Sexy Koalas have the attention span of two gnats. The Songbird brought out a very tall “Lana Day” sign to do the distraction thing. The Aussies lose their minds, allowing Lana to slap the s*** out of one while barricading the other. Could she do this? A huge Machka Kick and sit-out faceplant later, the answer was YES! Lana won her first singles match in WWE and I popped like a kid!

Later in the night, Naomi and Sonya Deville had their chance to qualify for Money in The Bank. Athletically these two ran circles around the previous feminine encounter. However, Lana evokes the type of emotional reaction they can only wish for right now. Most memorable spot involved several dueling kicks. Eventually, The Glow Worm got the advantage and the victory with an old-school looking rollup. It will be interesting to see if there is any tension between Mandy Rose and Sonya Deville because only The Pound For Pound Pinup made it to the PPVs namesake match.

Then we move to a promo in the ring between The Usos and The Good Brothers. “I don’t see any bars…” Preceded by “This ain’t Japan….” Very Typical stuff. Although this was gonna be an interesting match because we haven’t seen it in a while. The Samoans were able to get most of their spots in. They even tried their tandem finish from opposite corners. The attempt was not successful. One of them got pushed off the top turnbuckle, eventually leaving the other vulnerable for The Magic Killer. Congratulations Gallows & Anderson! Your reward is a date with The Bludgeon Brothers for Tag Team Gold in Chicago.

This week’s action concludes with a first-time match between Daniel Bryan and Jeff Hardy. Excuse me? Yes, I think The Charismatic Enigma was losing his mind in Orlando during some of Daniel’s prime run in New York. Otherwise, Vince never put them on the same competitive path. Why the HELL not? As expected, it was a clinic and coin flip throughout. This was a second chance for The American Dragon, who went over clean with a Heal Hook. The victory cleared the way to a final qualifier for The Yes Man against Samoa Joe who was on commentary this week.

Most important piece of news from this week’s SmackDown Live? Let’s go to the ring for a face-to-face promo between WWE Champion AJ Styles and Money in The Bank Challenger Shinsuke Nakamura. These two have already had three solid matches. The Con Artist won last, enabling him to choose the stipulation in Chicago. Nakamura is a very good heel, capable of making anyone on Tuesdays twist in the wind. A Ninja takes whatever advantage he can. The challenger was ready to show his cards, but not before administering a beatdown and ten-count that Styles could not answer. I was wrong. It’s not gonna be in a cage. We have A Last Man Standing Match for WWE Gold. I doubt people is Sasha’s home state left disappointed like those in New York on Monday Night. Relax everybody, the itinerary takes us to Flair Country again next week.


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Dear Smarks: Stop Bringing Up Roman’s Wellness Suspension

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Roman Reigns WWE WrestleMania 34

So the wonderful Greg DeMarco recently did a study. He showed non-wrestling people at his place of employment photos of Daniel Bryan and Roman Reigns and asked them who they would pay to see, just based on the pictures; all of them chose Roman Reigns. As you can imagine, the anti-Roman contingent threw a FIT about this, saying that he shouldn’t be asking non-fans about who is a draw because they wouldn’t know who either guy was, which was the point of the whole experiment.

One of the complaints about Reigns that his detractors like to drag up, when they get tired of trying to claim he has no wrestling ability, mic skills, or charisma, is his 2016 Wellness Policy suspension. According to them, Reigns’ suspension is a dealbreaker, he should never be allowed to be The Guy ever again because of this mistake. Really? One Wellness Policy violation over Roman forgetting to give WWE his prescription for Adderall because he was having trouble sleeping and he should be forever barred from being The Guy? Have you all conveniently forgotten about all the Legends and top guys that had or still have serious substance abuse problems? Well, if you have, let me remind you. Here’s a list of people that either had Wellness Policy violations or were known in their day for having a drug and/or alcohol problem:

  1. Jeff Hardy *
  2. Stone Cold Steve Austin. * **
  3. Shawn Michaels * **
  4. Scott Hall (Razor Ramon) **
  5. Sean Waltman (1-2-3 Kid, X-Pac)
  6. Kevin Nash (Diesel). * **
  7. Road Warrior Hawk **
  8. Eddie Guerrero * **
  9. Carlito
  10. William Regal. To the best of my knowledge, Regal’s substance abuse issues weren’t widely known for much of his career, but he has admitted to them in interviews.
  11. Sunny **
  12. The Iron Sheik * **
  13. Randy Orton *
  14. Rey Mysterio *
  15. Paige *
  16. Eva Marie
  17. Alberto Del Rio *
  18. Edge * ** (part of the fallout from Chris Benoit’s death).
  19. The British Bulldog
  20. Ric Flair. * **
  21. Tully Blanchard **
  22. Kerry Von Erich *  **(The Texas Tornado)
  23. Luna Vachon
  24. Chyna *
  25. Jake ‘The Snake’ Roberts **
  26. Curt Hennig (Mr. Perfect) **
  27. Lex Lugar *
  28. Miss Elizabeth.
  29. Umaga
  30. Joey Mercury
  31. Road Dogg
  32. The Fabulous Freebirds **
  33. Roddy Piper **
  34. ‘Hacksaw’ Jim Duggan **.
  35. Dustin Rhodes. Note: This one wasn’t known until recently, and Dustin has been very honest about his issues.
  36. Kurt Angle. * **. Note: Angle never had a Wellness Violation that I’m aware of, but he and Vince have said that his drug issues and refusal to go to rehab partly lead to his departure from WWE in 2006.
  37. Don Muraco. **
  38. Cowboy Bob Orton. **

*= Became Heavyweight Champion/Women’s Champion

**= Hall of Famer

As you can see, a lot of wrestlers past and present have either run afoul of  WWE’s Wellness Policy or were known to have issues with drugs and/or alcohol. Many of them are now considered Legends and/or Hall of Famers. I know there are more than this, but these were the ones I could remember off the top of my head. Several of the people listed that were WHC of some description, often during the times of their issues. Few of them found their careers hindered by their issues alone, more than half of them are in the WWE HOF and the ones who aren’t are still considered legends. If they get a pass on past bad behavior and poor decision making, why am I supposed to buy Roman Reigns’ one mistake as an insurmountable barrier to his becoming the top guy and Universal Champion?

Yes, Reigns made a mistake back in 2016 with that Wellness violation, but he also owned up to it publicly, we’re told that he apologized to the locker room, and took his punishment humbly. There’s no actual reason for this to keep him from being champion, especially since his violation was because he didn’t turn in the prescription in time, rather than he got busted for illegal drugs. Of all the ‘reasons’ smarks give for why Roman shouldn’t be The Guy, this is one of the most pathetic because it blatantly ignores the fact that so many of the ‘Legends’ smarks looked up to struggled with substance abuse issues and still had successful careers in the wrestling business while finger pointing and shaming Reigns for a relatively minor infraction. Let’s grow up a little, people.


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Cheap Shots: Billion Dollar Contract, Ten Cent Show!

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With the company coming off arguably the most public and busiest non-Mania month in WWE history; I was asked to fly the jet from Baltimore back into The Empire State Capitol. This time, to what was certainly an ancillary stop for the old man’s original four-lettered territory. On top of the most ambitious travel schedule Vinnie has ever put in front of his talent, a massive television contract was finalized in the last few days. This contract delineates a sad day for smarks, sheep, and all fans of the art form because our thoughts and opinions regarding this soap opera we love have just disappeared in a billion-dollar black hole. I am truly saddened for all of us.

With this explosive news in the background, what did we get for the first Monday Night Raw in The States in two weeks? When I was a young fan, Jesse Ventura used to refer to certain baby faces by telling us: “He’s got a million-dollar body and a ten-cent brain.” Last night, fans got stuck with the dime. RAW opens with GM Kurt Angle being properly serenaded with a “YOU SUCK!” chant as he heads to the ring. I hope he enjoyed the feeling. It was straight downhill from here. Angle was not given five minutes to hold his own balls. I wonder who cut them off? Oh look, Daddy’s Little Girl is back. Stealing someone’s chance because Vince struggles to make authentic heels. Her arm has healed. She has too much make up. Her mouth is still functional. The same cannot be said for her brain. Welcome to the downside of allowing ownership to play pricks on television. Stephanie, the match and results at WrestleMania were booked by your gene pool. Three choices: Shut your mouth, get off camera, or break the fourth wall.

After The Wicked Witch puts her Ginsu away, she mentions Roman Reigns. Before she can finish her thought, The Big Dog is unleashed from the back to a chorus of boos. He is still struggling with cutting promos years into his run. They are asking him to do John Cena style mic work. The next person who can do that is a generation away from the roster. Hype Machine actually says Management doesn’t wanna put Gold on him. Save it Roman. This latest accusation brings Kevin Owens out to remind him that he is not the only performer with authority issues. After getting to close to Steph, KO earns a singles match with Roman to commence immediately.

Kevin Owens is a fantastic bump taker. After about ten minutes of literally being turned inside-out; including a spear and Superman Punch, The Canadian was barely hanging on. This was the perfect time for Jinder Mahal to run in and exact some revenge for being put through a wall last week. This interference gave Roman the win by DQ. We weren’t done though. The Big Dog has backup too. Dude’s Shield Brother comes out to even things up. Seth Rollins was already a great athlete, but he is flirting with oxygen very few can breathe. Very little of what he is doing right now doesn’t look like it has an athletic purpose. His coin flip dives from ring to floor were breathtaking. Very rarely does Creative enable someone to hit a finish immediately after missing it, like you would try to do in a REAL FIGHT! It happened last night to give Reigns & Rollins the win. Seth Rollins is carrying the men’s division of Monday Night Raw right now.

 

My sincerest apologies for the nightmare we must walk into at present. Before we go into the wormhole, I’d like to remind my readers that this is 2018 and Bobby Lashley can work anywhere in the world. Last week, Sami Zayn of all people cut a promo telling us he would expose Lashley as a fraud by bringing his sisters to Monday Night Raw for an interview. Quick. does anybody but Vinnie care about this? Last night, the skinny Canadian bounced his way to the ring like he had solved The Kennedy Assassination. Instead, he called out three guys in drag to rehash this opioid-induced train wreck. This is 2018. Then Zayn called Lashley out to confront him with this bad joke. Walking Armageddon came out to crickets, disposed of the gentlemen quickly, and left to the same crickets. Anyone, including my colleagues thinking Vinnie’s negotiating skills turn him into Einstein with a script, just watch this segment. Yes Bobby, it’s 2018 and you sold your athletic soul to New York for six figures and THIS!

Three recess segments and I still fell asleep. That tells you how bad this episode was. First, Alexa Bliss is backstage cutting a history-based promo on The Romans and The Visigoths? Interesting set up to explain away her New Year’s Day loss to Ember Moon. Nice try Little Miss Math Class. You still haven’t graduated yet! Ten minutes and one BFF having a conniption fit later, The Lunar Lone Star won clean with The Eclipse. Excuse me, how does Little Miss Bliss have two pieces of Raw Women’s Gold? That’s right, she worked with a pro. Watch them hand her the briefcase. Sadly, more crickets. This time for the ladies. A Four-Way Money in The Bank Qualifier. Participants: Liv Morgan, Natalya, Sarah Logan, Dana Brooke. Only two of these girls have a pulse. Nattie got payback on Logan for the incident prior to the desert with The Sharpshooter and a clean tap out for the win. This night cements the case that Sasha Banks is indeed carrying The Raw Women’s Division. After the match Nattie cut a strange promo on her friendship with Ronda Rousey and what will happen in Chicago. Speaking of Ms. Rowdy, she signed the contract opposite Nia Jax. Even with Steph stirring things up, this segment felt slightly forced. Ronda is getting better on the mic. They didn’t bring her to Stamford to talk. I really don’t wanna see this match in June.

The rest of the show could’ve happened two months ago. Elias cuts a great promo. TURN HIM ALREADY! He beat Bobby Roode clean with The Drift Away. Bothers me when a guy like Roode is brought in to job out. He has more talent than that. Move these gentlemen along please. Baron Corbin beat No Way Jose for the millionth time on TV. The Former Lost Puppies; now being called The B Team, beat Breezango again. Stop acting like me if I won a match clean. You have generational legacies, respect them. Dolph Ziggler cut a promo on Chad Gable in a hallway. Of course this lead to a match with Drew Galloway standing outside the ring. For a nanosecond, I thought the former amateur Pan-American Games participant had a chance. Then my eyes opened. Dolph went over clean and Galloway landed a Claymore Kick afterward. Earlier in the night, Finn Balor and Braun Strowman were looking for a rematch with the above-mentioned duo. Steph hijacked Angle’s office. She was being her typical self. No tag-match. Rather, a main event singles contest between the two. After a surprisingly competitive match. Braun went over clean. Assuming Vince McMahon even had a brain after Steve Austin’s retirement, this is easily the worst episode of Monday Night Raw in five years, if not longer. I hope that money didn’t go to his head or somewhere else. Hopefully SmackDown is better.

 


Always Use Your Head and visit the official Pro Wrestling Tees store for The Chairshot All t-shirt proceeds help support the advancement of your favorite hard-hitting wrestling website, The Chairshot!


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