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CheapShots: The Next Level to The Arch

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WWE Ruby Riott
Cheap Shots are unfiltered, uncensored opinions, and those opinions reflect only the author!

Mad Man on a somber and serious flight path for two reasons. First is the passing of arguably the most important pillar to ever perform in The New York Territory and WWF. Think about that statement and then realize I’m not talking about Hulk Hogan, sorry Terry. One man justifies this description. When a man is a secular Saint for multiple generations of wrestling fans on The East Coast, and a pivotal figure to millions of immigrants in this country without having the circus of the modern art form behind him, he qualifies for such lofty status. When an organization puts its top honor on someone for EIGHT years and sells out the top athletic venue in The United States more than 170 times, rarified air becomes oxygen sent to other performers. I am a proud part of The Missing Man Formation for Bruno Sammartino, who was called home last week.

Monday Night Raw opens with a Ten Bell Salute and a tribute package for the original Living Legend. As a bonus, the video cut down on Paul Heyman’s talking time. My second level of seriousness can be traced to geography. This week’s episode emanates from St. Louis. Wrestling Territories nationwide had sacred cities for big cards: Portland, San Francisco, Minneapolis, Dallas, Memphis, New Orleans, Atlanta, Charlotte, and Tampa. So, what separated St. Louis from those cities? A former sports reporter named Sam Muchnick along with five other gentlemen; including one from Omaha, formed The National Wrestling Alliance in 1948. Fly Over Country my ass! YOU’RE WELCOME MARKS! Apologies for the emotion, but the author of this piece is doing cartwheels.

Muchnick had clout in Washington as well. Fighting off an early anti-trust lawsuit thanks to his political connections. Seen as an honest promoter, he was President of The NWA for over 25 years. Dealing with over 30 promoters and controlling The NWA Gold. For a while, one of those promoters was Vince McMahon Sr. The two bosses tried to organize a Title vs. Title showdown between Bruno and Lou Thesz in New York in 1966. Like always, the Super Match fell apart due to money. Thesz threatened to make it a shoot. However, Sammartino did get one “real” shot at the better gold on June 15th, 1973 in St. Louis. His opponent was Harley Race. They went an hour in a time-limit draw.

With that history, The Arch always deserves respect from the art form. Marks and sheep did not get much from Paul Heyman. Brock Lesnar’s Advocate brought his Beast and his microphone. As usual, he talked of spoilers instead of predictions. He actually compared The UFC Octagon to a steel cage in WWE? Okay Paul. Then he brought up Brock’s new contract, which wouldn’t exist without this desert circus on Friday. More locational proof of Vince’s anatomy. Heyman says Reigns is leaving in multiple boxes, without Universal Gold. Finally, Roman comes out to say he doesn’t know how he’s coming home, but he’s coming home with the strap. Would someone please advance this storyline?  Look, it’s Samoa Joe making old threats via cell phone video. I am officially bored out of my mind.

This week’s competition began with Elias mid-ring, ready to do his tweener promo when Bobby Roode’s entrance cuts him off. There will be no concert in St. Louis! Mr. Glorious dominated early and attempted his finish once, to no avail. He tweaked his knee before going for a Blockbuster, which he would hit later on. After this, Elias went outside the ring only to have Roode throw him back in. Trying to follow him, Roode was stunned thanks to Elias using the ropes inside the ring. Disoriented, Roode stumbled into a schoolboy from Elias, giving The Guitar Man the win.

Next match, we find The Ascension in the ring. Remnants of The Superstar Shakeup, who knew they were still employed? The Painted Clowns were the next set of sacrificial lambs for The Deleters of Worlds, Woken Matt & Bray Wyatt. The Weirdoes win was typically impressive. This smart mark would be surprised if these two were unsuccessful in Golden Expideetion. I like this team. My only question is how long they will be together? I hope the split doesn’t happen too soon.

Cut backstage and we find Chad Gable making his introduction to RAW GM Kurt Angle. The new arrival initially asks how his former tag team partner Jason Jordan is doing with recovery. Our GM tells him that Jordan is getting better, with the caveat that American Alpha is not reforming. Dogear this segment because WWE Creative may have actually found a plausible way out of The Illegitimate Son storyline down the road. For now, Gable says all he wants is an opportunity to compete. Enter Jinder Mahal, blowing smoke about being cheated out United States Gold. After The Indian Brooklyn Brawler went the “Nicholas” route, Kurt ordered the match in the ring. Gable is a supreme athlete who found a way to go over clean. I sincerely hope he is viewed and used as a serious option.

Thankfully, The Miz left Monday Night Raw. Aside from having to see him on Tuesdays now, the only drawback is that Stamford replaced one heel promo segment with another. At least Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn can work and aren’t stealing money. No surprise, their first show was designed to rub Kurt Angle’s nose in their current employment. Don’t piss an Olympic Gold Medalist off! He just might put you in a tag match against Bobby Lashley and Braun Strowman! The contest was a good kind of train wreck. Power and athleticism all over the place. Owens was destroyed before the finishing bell. Two running shoulder blocks and a 385lb dropkick outside the ring will do the trick. Sami Zayn took the pin after a patented vertical suplex from Lashley and a power slam from Strowman. If this team were ever made permanent, the entire division on RAW would be dead!

Did someone mention The Miz? In an arc that bordered on painful throughout the show. Two lost puppies tried to find a new master. After failing with both Seth Rollins and Finn Balor, both performers had a tag team match versus the same half of The IC Gold Picture that they had asked to help earlier in the night. Why is WWE doing this? These guys both have legacies in the art form and you haven’t given them any guts after this long? They deserve better. Thank God Mike showed them how to steal money.

We enter the most two-faced segment of the night. Mainly because the painful part was unwatchable. It turned hilarious half-way through. Back up to the start of the show. When Booker T. shows up on commentary, get ready for anything, especially recently. With that bit of information in your head, No Way Jose Congas his way to the ring for a match with Baron Corbin. Jose is not even through the ropes yet. On a live mic, The Pinch Hitter starts making the Adam Rose comparison. “Maybe we should give this guy a party bus? …It’s a script!” I was rolling on the floor. God Bless you, Booker! Corbin refused to have the match thanks to the size of the rookie’s conga line. The Heel With No Pulse had one Monday Night. Waiting for Jose’s companions to dance their way back to the locker room, leaving him vulnerable to an attack. By the way, I was too generous with my predicted timeline. There was no reaction to Jose last night, sorry kid.

Listen, I love The Women’s Division, but this is why moving whole factions from one show to the other is completely STUPID! Never mind storylines get interrupted for no good reason. Pardon me Ms. Riott, didn’t you cut this exact promo when you and your girls tried to blow up SmackDown Live? How many of you got shots at Gold with your little uprising? How many of those opportunities ended with a title change? Pitcher’s duels aren’t worth the hype ladies. Recess is a 10-woman tag match: The Riott Squad, Alexa and Mickie against Nia, Ember Moon, Sasha, Bayley and Natalya. The match was very physical and notable for two spots: Nattie had The Sharpshooter on Mickie when Sarah Logan gave her a chop block, rendering her incapacitated at ringside. Big Fine went full bowling ball from the apron, sprawling out ladies from both teams. Remember Nattie’s new friend from last week? Mickie James forgot. She kept attacking a wounded baby face. Cue Joan Jett! Ronda Rousey comes down to check on The Queen of Hearts and Mickie James blindsides HER and promptly ends up with an arm injury! Given The Gateway City’s sacred place in the artform, St. Louis has seen hundreds of better shows. For Little Vinnie’s Circus it was a coin flip at best. I’m hoping for better consistency when we get passed this sham in the desert. If my passengers will hurry, we’ll take the jet and haul ass to Louisville. See everyone there!

 

Research: http://www.solie.org/articles/muchnick.html

http://sportsandwrestling.mywowbb.com/forum2/7361.html

@wrestlerweekly

 


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Cheap Shots: Mad Man’s Testing Cheese in The Mouse’s House

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Gliding over The World’s Largest Golf Ball for SmackDown Live this week. I believe Orlando was nothing more than a spot show for Graham. In his infinite wisdom, Eric Bischoff used Universal Studios for WCW TV Tapings. What’s he getting paid for now? Doing a podcast? Big deal, a ton of my colleagues have podcasts, and they’re smarter than him. Dixie Carter’s TNA Wrestling reminds us that a talented roster cannot overcome a lack of inside knowledge. Impact Wrestling currently resides in the mouse’s zip code today. The latest effort from The New York Big Top wasn’t on a cheap PPV level. I have praised SmackDown Live as the better show for months. Others have done so for much longer. Instead, WWE hands us something between a glorified house show and a week early go home show for SummerSlam?

Let’s find out if Vince left Mickey ANYTHING interesting. Randy Orton has been on The Main Roster for a generation now. He does psychopath extremely well. Not all psychopaths talk though. Creative should be more careful with Randy. He needs a very focused promo, and reason to talk. They should’ve kept him on a singular path here, Jeff Hardy. A tunnel-visioned Viper is a more dangerous Viper. Randall Keith Orton is neither one of The Authors of Pain. Don’t give him a generic heel promo. We know he’s capable. Let Jeff Hardy continue to twist in agony. If you must give Orton a verbal point, do a better job writing it, and save it for after SummerSlam.

Recess started with a backstage promo which would be unnecessary if Vince didn’t book Triple Threats. The fracturing friendship angle is fine, if not required in the art form. However, can anyone pull it off without it feeling forced? Stamford sure can’t. Why were Charlotte and Becky apologizing like it was Middle School? Vinnie put both of you in the match. Break the fourth wall and get mad at him. The Lass Kicker struggled to hide building frustration. Anybody surprised with this? She’s Irish. They teased a possible tag match with The Dragon Huggers at Evolution? I EFFING HOPE NOT! Vince, get your head out of your ass. Unless it results in Sasha Banks being traded, put this mirrored storyline possibility on ice, since you can’t get it right on Monday! Sorry for the tangent. The Tuesday Besties went over The IIconics, who have hit a wall recently.

Here’s a crazy thought, WWE has approximately 14 ladies on The SmackDown Roster. What’s wrong with holding a storyline off TV for a week instead of repeating it? Give us the illusion that friends took a week to work things out without telling Aiden English he’ll be Ron Killings in a month or two. Lana is getting better in the ring, Let’s find another way to stunt her. Put Almas’ Mini Me over again and break up one of our most popular factions. My apologies, I must have hacked into Vince’s email.

Creative got too many compliments on proms last week. Dammit boys and girls, y’all can only rope the moon once every six months. They tried again anyway, bad move! Outside of The New Day; who can read Facebook and make it good. everything else was yawn inducing. Later, WWEs modern answer to The Free Birds went on to beat The Bar in another great TV Main Event.

Random Observation: if smart marks need proof promoters and bookers view Championship Gold as nothing more than a prop, look at R-Truth. Never mind New York’s original name for him. He was respected during his previous run in Orlando for Dixie Carter and TNA. He held Top Gold and was prominent there for a while. Why not? Dude is a fantastic athlete with good mic skills. Back in WWE, he is a glorified carpenter who cuts nonsense promos. I hope the paycheck is worth it, Sir? After setting up a match no one wanted, Truth lost to Shinsuke Nakamura in under ten minutes.

Sometimes, WWE looks dumber than usual in the age of social media. Can anyone tell me why they broke Mike’s match signing with Daniel Brian on Twitter? Did they have a reason? Does anybody really think Mike was on set? Vinnie, suspension of disbelief? Where is it? They could’ve rebooted Cena/Taker from Mania. They reboot storylines far less personal and more pointless. Yes, Daniel got to wail on Mike for a minute. Can’t we do better than to jump the gun so poorly on both fronts?

If Vince wants us to take one thing away from the Styles/Samoa Joe Angle, it is that Joe clearly has both the physical and psychological advantage heading into SummerSlam. Why does everything appear so lopsided though? Not saying The WWE Gold doesn’t fit Joe. If he can stay healthy, it most certainly does. Yes, Joe is a badass, but AJ Styles is capable of rock-solid heel work too. Ask The Con Artist and Big Match John. Hell, Samoa Joe himself knows Styles’ heel talent from elsewhere. It is disappointing the WWE might make fans wait months to see these two work up to their ability, if the trigger ever gets pulled correctly. Maybe by Hell in A Cell or Survivor Series? Given New York’s reputation among smart marks, I wouldn’t hold my breath. Speaking of which, if anyone did so on Tuesday waiting for a typical good show, I apologize. They got a glorified house show. Mickey Mouse deserves better cheese.


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CheapShots: Mad Man’s Panhandle Rush (WWE Raw)

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The penultimate stop on the Florida loop found the Cessna in the panhandle. One of the good things about the territory back in the day was proximity for travel. According to Kevin Sullivan and Austin Idol; Google them millennial nerds, it was common to work close enough to home that performers could sleep in their own beds most nights. If I am not mistaken, the original Free Bird nest of Jacksonville (music), was a regular weekend stop for Eddie Graham.

Vince’s latest offer started as 90% of them do. Someone is headed to the ring to cut a promo. This time it was RAW GM Kurt Angle and Stephanie McMahon’s watch dog, Constable Corbin. Angle proudly reminded us that one UFC Fighter would be making her TV Match Debut Monday night while openly taking shots at the other on the roster. Corbin’s prompted retort was met by Kurt saying he had to get this off his chest. Half-way through, Roman Reigns comes out because he can.

Eventually testosterone related to last week starts flowing between opposing forces. This leads Angle to make an opening match featuring Reigns vs. Corbin. In my opinion, the crowd was odd during this encounter. It felt like they needed 15 minutes to wake up. Strange when an audience doesn’t have a pulse, even a negative one. The match was physical and decent, though we have seen it before. Experienced watchers could tell Corbin was looking for an escape. He thought he found one, only to have Finn Balor cut him off. Corbin was forced back to the ring, where he took A Spear for the clean loss. After the bell, The 8-Pack Irishman took his turn; delivering a dropkick and Coup de Gras.
As a younger fan Vinnie’s circus did a much better job of keeping athletes apart unless it served as fuel for an angle. The locker room dustup between Bobby Roode and Mojo Rawley three weeks before a PPV would have led to squash matches featuring the two, or a tag match where they barely touched. He used to admonish agents and bookers: “Get the match in the ring.” Thanks to six hours of programming a week, now he says: “Get the match in the ring now. The PPVs are so cheap, they hardly matter.” This angle is the latest victim of that drug-induced logic. WWE will do their best to say it’s different in two weeks, even though Roode went over clean Monday night. Why does Stamford think smarks are clueless?

The very next segment saw our latest example of poor execution. I actually wanna see Elias take on Lashley. Vinnie forgot the Novocain to get me there. Heels don’t even worry about suspension of disbelief anymore. There is no album, Elias. Four tracks are barely a demo. WWE shot that ”documentary” to fill time on the network. No other reason. You don’t like the way it made you look? It’s scripted, talk to management. I don’t like you as a heel when the crowd wants to cheer you. I can’t do a damn thing about it. Speaking of “I can’t do anything about this:” Bobby Lashley was not brought back to New York because he could talk. Take the microphone OUT of his hand. Crickets come out whenever the man opens his mouth. The ending was plausible. Find a better way to get there. Proof WWE doesn’t care if I’m in pain watching; and, Sports Entertainment is total bulls***!

In another case of coin flip booking, Razar destroyed Titus because Apollo Crews beat Akam last week. Vince can’t get out of his own way. We saw this around a month ago. Even Less sheep wanted to watch this than hear Lashley cut a promo. We were stuck with both. Sorry folks, this was your weekly piss break

Back from the restroom. Smarks who hate Reigns, and their insider cousins are freaking out. It’s “The Kevin Owens Show.” Give The Fat Canadian a mic, and he can run down anyone in the art form. Like him or not, Owens is such a good heel that he manipulates other heels regularly. His latest pawn was Jinder Mahal. The Indian Brooklyn Brawler was his guest, but Owens wouldn’t let him speak. Eventually, the host mentioned Braun Strowman, and their contest for The MITB Briefcase at SummerSlam. Reminding us that if The Big Man loses, it doesn’t matter how. He loses his guaranteed shot at Gold. Mahal was roped into another match with The Monster Among Men just before the stage was flipped over! Why not? Unfortunately for the big man, he has been turned from human being to pit bull in an obnoxious game of fetch. Owens has stolen the briefcase twice. Forcing a count out last week and a DQ Monday. Anybody wanna punch Creative?

Cue the calliope. Earlier in the night, Seth Rollins went to GM Kurt Angle saying he was sick of being jumped by Ziggler & Galloway. Angle told him to find a partner. At this point, I could feel a colleague hoping like a Super Mark. Must wait again, sorry Brickyard. Though, even I thought they might set up an Ambrose swerve because they said he wouldn’t show up. Of course, Roman Reigns offered to help his brother out. However, Stephanie called Constable Corbin threatening to pull The Samoan Hype Machine from his showdown with The Beast at SummerSlam. SHUT UP VINCE! You have been shoving this match down our throats for years. Even after this, global smart marks fear you aren’t done with it. As for the match Monday, Rollins couldn’t find a partner. He fought hard but took the pin from Ziggler.

A tag team match was next. Participants: The Revival & our Tag Champs, The B-Team. Of course, Vince has an aversion to wrestling. “We MUST ‘entertain’ them, they’re sheep!” Match started off solid. Five minutes in; lights go out. Opposing partners have been torn off the apron and replaced by The Deleters of Worlds. Match got thrown out. Two reasons I despise Triple Threat Matches. First, wrestling companies have forgotten how to book longer programs and draw money. Second, the overwhelming majority of Triple Threats allow for weird finishes. Especially the way WWE books them. “Never mind we have 5 hours of TV to fill. Let’s throw everybody in and finish this in five minutes. Building to an outcome used to matter.

A double shot of recess to close Monday Night Raw this week. First up: The Dragon Huggers had to deal with The Riott Squad for consecutive weeks. Something had to be up, and it was. Despite Sasha & Bailey looking very good again, including a modified Power & Glory spot. Youtube it sheep, the heels went over when Ruby Riott did her best CM Punk impression. Go ahead weirdoes, freak out because I mentioned him. The Squad Leader dawned a gray hoodie long enough to slip through the audience. She got physical with The Human Elmo, and distracted Lady Banks so she would take the pin. Welcome back Ruby. Your girls haven’t mattered since February.

Whenever Hayes & Gordy’s Jacksonville namesake would close a Skynyrd concert, Ronnie and the boys would always ask: “What is it you wanna hear?” prior to hitting their opus’ first chord. Right now, Vinnie’s answer to “Free Bird” is Ronda Rousey. Rather appropriate then that The Baddest Woman on The Planet’s TV wrestling debut was in Skynyrd’s House. I think Michael would agree. Ronda’s first competition came in the form of Alicia Fox. She had length, experience, and zero chance Monday. Fox got some offense in, but Rousey overcame the distractions from Little Miss Math Class, got pissed, and tapped her opponent out in less than ten minutes. The champ tried to jump her afterward, epic fail! Ronda took the mic and cut a very solid promo. Has there ever been a long-term champion who looks more scared than Alexa Bliss? Good music in this show. We’re gonna find out if Mickey Mouse can Rock’N’Roll like that!


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WWE EVOLUTION Is The Double Edged Sword

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Last week, Stephanie McMahon announced that the past, present and future of women’s wrestling would come together and create the first ever all women’s PPV called Evolution. To say that women’s wrestling has made strides from what were once called “toilet break” matches to women’s Royal Rumbles, Ladder Matches, and now their own PPV is something to be said about how women are being taken seriously in a sport that is based on machismo. 

Yet, while it shows that women wrestlers are now seen as equals to their male counter part, it also shows that the WWE is dividing women. Think of it this way, its just like the cruiser weights having 205 Live. Yes, it is great that the talented high flyers can show off their skills in their own show, but 205 has not made the impact that everyone thought it would after the Cruiserweight  Classic. They are never in matches with the rest are the main roster on Raw and Smackdown Live and are segregated. 

While the indie scene has done mixed matches (Candice LaRae being a prime example of this) . The WWE almost make it seem that they have rewritten history with Evolution, but women’s wrestlers were ahead of their times in the indies, it has been the WWE that has been playing “catch up” all these years. 

WWE Evolution isn’t a bad thing, it’s a great example of how far the WWE have come, but it also puts a syntax on the PPV. By creating a women’s only PPV it shows that women’s wrestling is being showcased, but it creates this undertone of questioning to fans and pro wrestling critics that women cannot stand out the way men do in wrestling so here is their own PPV to show case that. 

The PPVs announcement and lead up will be debated till October when all eyes are set on the production of what is to come. And while as a fan I am excited to see what the past, present and future, have to offer, there is also some dread as to what this really says about what the WWE thinks of women’s wrestling as a whole. 


Always Use Your Head and visit the official Pro Wrestling Tees store for The Chairshot All t-shirt proceeds help support the advancement of your favorite hard-hitting wrestling website, The Chairshot!


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