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CheapShots: Impact Quickie #11

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Roughly once a quarter, those in Orlando put work into a wrestling-centric Television Special to help accelerate storylines. This episode of Impact fell in that category. It was given the tagline, “Under Pressure.” Due diligence compels me to organize my thoughts as follows: There were no tag team matches on the card. Only one vignette covered anything in the division. I will provide more details next week. There was no sign of Jimmy Jacobs, Kongo Kong. or Moose. Keep in mind, The Dragged-Out Disco was added to our mystery attacker’s hit list to conclude last week’s show. Speaking of which, Sanjay Dutt can now join him as the latest victim. Unfortunately, organizers thought it necessary to include my sleeping pill in this otherwise solid offering. The Edwards’ had yet another domestic dispute regarding Sami Callihan. Can someone please wake me up?

There were only five matches on the card. It is nice when wrestling can tell a story by itself. We knew last week that Eli Drake and Scott Steiner were on shaky ground when they couldn’t get through a promo without arguing over who lost Tag Team Gold. Even so, part of me still thought they would get a rematch. So much for logic. The match was slow because of Ham Cube’s limitations. They swapped the advantage only one with Steiner getting it on the outside. When Steiner rolled back into the ring, The Self-Induced Hyphen grabbed a steel chair and gave him a receipt for losing the straps. Thanks to a clueless ref, Eli Drake got the win.

Finally, Brian Cage was back in The Impact Zone! He was coming off his “World Tour” to help with personal and company exposure. Thanks to a victory last week, Dezmond Xavier got the chance to test himself against The Machine. Despite knowing Xavier wasn’t going to win, this was gonna be fun to see. How much rope would the kid get? How do his skills translate against bigger competition? I can say this. His speed is next level and his feet are dangerous for a typical rival. Weapon X isn’t exactly typical.

There wasn’t time enough to give the cruiserweight a false advantage. Although Dezmond did hit what could be considered a finisher, but Cage kicked out after a one-count. Shortly after the successful high spot, Xavier was compromised and got caught with The Drill Claw to give The Machine the three-count. Josh Matthews also mentioned that Cage would get a shot at Matt Sydal and X Division Gold down the road. Let the countdown commence.

My fans and readers; (I may have some, GASP!), who know my level of respect for ladies working in the art form will understand my purpose for covering The Main Event for Impact Gold here. Personal suspicions that Pentagon Jr. was nothing more than a band-aid were confirmed. Austin Aries attempted three finishes with The Last Chancellery. The Defending Champ was able to crawl to the ropes and break two of them. The third happened on the floor. Aries held on too long, forcing a double count out. Challenger takes the mic; asks for a restart and gets it.

Earlier, The Champ set up for his Package Piledriver WHILE WALKING ARIES TO THE ROPES! I HATE the physics of wrestling! Pentagon got a two-count. After the restart, The Luchador hit A Pentagon Driver on the apron’s edge. This led to ANOTHER double count out. This time, Pentagon asks for and gets the restart. In a blink, he takes a nut shot followed by A Brain Buster to lose Impact Gold. I HATE the physics of wrestling!

Two shots of recess this week. First, The Horsewoman had to answer for her attitude and her disrespect of Madison Rayne. When A Blanchard is involved, an attitude comes with the territory. Madison has a career very few can rival. Former 5-Time Knockouts Champion. However, nobody watching thought this would be the upset of the night. Tessa’s strength advantage was obvious. Her challenger had to put everything she had into her offense. Tully’s Girl took a couple of shots that were stumble-worthy, but the match was one-sided. Until Tessa argued with the ref after a near fall. Upon the distraction, she went for her Hammer Lock DDT only to get school-girled and take the loss. Excuse me? I don’t understand this?

Why would those in Orlando give Tessa Blanchard the Brock Lesnar treatment? Madison Rayne is not 50-years-old. Follow me anyway. No matter what level badass the WWE makes him, Brock Lesnar still lost to Goldberg 18 months ago. Impact brings Tessa Blanchard in with all this hype and asks her to lose in her second match with the company? Madison Rayne is not beating The Knockouts Champion. Ladies interested in competing as a baby face should put a video on Impact’s Twitter timeline ASAP.

Why am I so confident in the above statement? Same reason a twig with major limitations can impersonate Mark Calloway and Mick Foley. It’s time to battle for Knockouts Gold in A “Last Rites” Match. Translation? This is a Casket Match. Can someone say stacked deck? We All knew how this was going to end. Allie did a fantastic job in the absence of her friend Rosemary. Without The Demon’s protection, I was worried the contest’s psychology would be too much to overcome. Her mind was fully prepared for the situation. The Yin-yang entrances and wardrobes were spliced together as a solid armor against The Undead Bride. Psychology was not enough though. How the Hell does a twig stop someone stronger than her from closing a casket?

Say it with me. We have a New Knockouts Champion thanks to The Mandible Claw and wrestling physics. With all due respect to Madison Rayne, those in Orlando are pushing Su Yung so hard that it will take a special character or athlete to knock her off. Frankly, I don’t see that person on the roster right now. Unless it is Rosemary herself. After all, neither woman who was just buried is fired or dead. My final thoughts? I would’ve flipped the outcome for Tessa Blanchard and had the Impact Championship fight end in a way that actually made sense. Otherwise, it was a very cool wrestling show, and those are always fun.


Always Use Your Head and visit the official Pro Wrestling Tees store for The Chairshot All t-shirt proceeds help support the advancement of your favorite hard-hitting wrestling website, The Chairshot!


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CheapShots: A Letter To WWE Fan Boys

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WWE

Stop. Just stop it. The over-positivity towards the WWE product is ridiculous. WWE is not the greatest thing on the planet right now. It is not all golden flowers and rainbows. Before I dive deep into all this let me say that I am a fan of WWE. But, I have enough sense to know that if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, then guess what, it’s a duck. I have no problem on calling them on the BS and craziness that goes on from time to time. No, the product in not the best it has ever been. Scripted promos alone are enough to make me want to vomit. The stale characterization of the characters and the fact that they are all basically the same cookie cutter version of what a WWE superstar should be is ridiculous. Here are a few things that I am sick of hearing every single day.

image via WWE

Money, Money, Money.

WWE is a money making machine, there is no denying it. One thing that I am constantly hearing is “Oh well WWE is making more money now then they have ever had, so that means the product is the best ever!” Well…no…when a company goes public, and are the only wrestling game in town of course they are making money. You need to understand how business works. Do a quick search of WWE and just look into all the divisions of the company. Look at the subsidiaries that they own, along with the companies that they have invested in such as owning 50% of the brand TapOut. Wrestling is not there only sourcing of income, hence the entertainment in their name. WWE is constantly expanding, evolving, and venturing into other things that make money, hence why they are making more money now than ever before. Yes, they got a ton of money for Smackdown. But, you have to take into account that it was bought from a company that is selling their movie division and only have TV as a source of income. With less and less people streaming everything and no one watching TV anymore, of course stations are going to foam at the mouth to get a TV show that has been on as long as Smackdown has any type of ratings, and the sponsors that come along with it. That is just good business, but that does not justify the wrestling product that they are currently putting out.

Greatest Roster Ever

“The roster now is the best roster we have ever had in WWE.” Wake up Alice cause this is not Wonderland. Do you not remember the greatness that was the WWE roster of 2002, or were you even born yet? Here is a bit of that Roster, Hulk Hogan, Stone Cold, The Rock, Chris Jericho, Edge, Kurt Angle, Chris Benoit, Eddie Guerrero, Booker T, RVD, Rey Mysterio, Undertaker, Shawn Michaels, HHH, John Cena, Randy Orton, DDP, Ric Flair. I will just leave this here and wait for you to retract your ridiculous statement.

If you don’t like it then don’t watch it

Boy, am I sick and tired of hearing this poor attempt of retort. What are you 10? You can complain about something and guess what still watch it. I have never watched anything and never had only positive things to say about it. I can watch a NJPW match, and talk about how bad WWE is in comparison. Why? Because, it’s not a matter of me not liking WWE, Just because someone puts something down that you eat, sleep, and breathe doesn’t mean they don’t like it. The main reason people compare a NJPW match to what WWE is doing, isn’t just to bash it, but it is because we know how great WWE can be. Honestly, it sucks to see WWE out done, and I wish they would get their heads out of their asses and put on consistently great matches.

image via WWE

Stop being a Yes man.

You don’t have to hate on every aspect of WWE, positivity is a good thing. But when you like every single thing that WWE does you need to get your head checked. You need to utilize that WWE network subscription and go back and watch something other than the current product. There is good and bad in every generation of wrestling, but we are not living in the renaissance age, witnessing the 2nd coming of wrestling. So take a breath, and try to dislike something of the current product and stop being a corporate robot.


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Are McIntyre, Lashley, And Roode WWE Top Guy Material?

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So there was a lot of buzz about Drew McIntyre and Bobby Lashley making their debuts on the Main Roster after WrestleMania. A lot of people have been predicting that McIntyre and/or Lashley were going to be Universal Champion before the year out, and even predicted that Lashley would be the one to unseat Brock Lesnar. The same has been said, to some degree, about Bobby Roode. Here’s the problem: The only way any of these guys going to get close to the Universal Title is if WWE has another plague of injuries.

Now, before you all get mad, hear me out. I’m not saying that McIntyre, Lashley, and Roode aren’t talented, because they are and their records speak for themselves. The problem is that WWE has a huge pool of talented guys on its Main Roster and a lot of established stars, which means McIntyre, Lashley, and Roode are likely going to spend their careers in the mid-cards, at least on RAW. They might have slightly better luck on SmackDown, but I wouldn’t bet everything on that pony either.

Let’s look at each guy and see what could possibly hold them back in WWE.

Drew McIntyre: McIntyre has a lot to recommend him, at least on paper. He’s got a great look and a lot of talent. His promos leave a little to be desired, but that’s not a dealbreaker on its own. The problem with McIntyre is that his gimmick hasn’t changed that much from his first run in WWE. His look isn’t that unique compared to other guys on the roster and neither is his moveset.

Bobby Lashley: Lashley’s pros are many: Great look, lots of talent, but his cons are going to be a real problem sooner than later. The biggest con is his total lack of a personality. He seems like a nice guy, but there is no real discernible personality that I can detect and that’s going to be just as big a problem now as it was back during his first WWE run.

Bobby Roode: Of the three guys in this article, Bobby Roode has the most sterling record. He’s a multi-time World Champion and Tag Champion before he came to NXT. He’s got a great look and a ton of talent, and he’s good on the mic. The problem with Roode is 1. His age, he’s 41. and 2. Roode is not a good WWE babyface. In TNA, he was at his best as a heel or tweener in singles and tag team, but I’m also not sure that turning him heel is going to help in WWE.

‘Wait’ I can hear you saying ‘All three of these guys were World Champions outside of WWE and/or in NXT. How can they not be destined to be Universal Champion or WWE Champion?’. Well, the simple answer is that the indy scene, NXT, and TNA have smaller pools of top tier talent, which makes it easier for talented guys that are usually relegated to the mid or low card in WWE to leapfrog straight to the top. Cody Rhodes is a prime example of that.

Again, I’m not denigrating the talents of any of these guys, or the guys coming up that are going to be in the same boat. What I am saying is that WWE has a top tier talent rich pool on RAW and SmackDown and guys like McIntyre, Lashley, and Roode are likely not going to get close to the top spot like they easily could outside WWE.


Always Use Your Head and visit the official Pro Wrestling Tees store for The Chairshot All t-shirt proceeds help support the advancement of your favorite hard-hitting wrestling website, The Chairshot!


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Cheap Shots: Is There Such Thing As The Face Of A Franchise?

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After Saturday’s match at Dominion and the final chapter (for now) in Okada Vs. Kenny Omega, it is now safe to say that Kenny Omega is truly the global face of NJPW. But is that true for every promotion? As a kid growing up watching wrestling in the 90’s it was Stone Cold Steve Austin that ran the WWE, in the 00’s it was John Cena, but there isn’t such a clear cut figure anymore for the WWE, Impact or ROH. Is there really a need for figure heads? In my opinion, the wrestling world has become so overly developed with new talent that its hard to pinpoint who is that face and there’s more of an opinion as to who that is.

The WWE want Roman Reigns to be that guy, but that’s a ship that has already sunk. Some say Seth Rollins and his run with the success of the Intercontinental Championship has made him the guy, and other may say that whoever AJ Styles goes, he is “the face that runs the place.” Impact has always struggled with finding that face, while Styles was there, he was it. Impact may have a suitable face in Eli Drake, being with the company since 2015. Surprisingly  Impact continue to look outwards for talent when the talent they have in house has proven to be effective.While ROH has had a swinging door of wrestlers that were once their staple player. The Young Bucks, Jay Lethal, or semi-newly acquired Cody could be considered for ROH.

In the 1980’s Hulk Hogan was that guy, he was that guy to a lot of people. He spear headed WWE into more than just being a wrestling program, but in being a significant part of pop culture. It has only been in recent years that wrestling has blurred the lines between a wrestling program and a part of this pop culture bubble we live in. With Twitter and Instagram, wrestlers have a bigger platform to connect with fans. Total Divas turned the Bellas and now The Miz and company into reality TV sensations. The Young Bucks have used Youtube to produce their “Being The Elite” series and they have created an empire without the letters WWE in front of their names. The world of wrestling and pop culture has become intertwined with one another that fans have gotten to choose who they want to be the face of their favourite programming. That is the thing that WWEs creative is missing. It isn’t about who you build up to be this powerhouse anymore. There’s so much talent and so many means to watch it that I think it’s impossible to build a franchise figure as much as the WWE want to believe. 

So what makes Kenny Omega different? He wasn’t pushed in the sense that he wasn’t involved in every match in every storyline. He organically grew as a fan favourite with Ibushi and eventually with the Bullet Club he had a storyline that spanned out over a few year and his rise to the top is like the ending of movie, but it was built slowly and surely. 

So are we being blinded by this idea that there needs to be a face that runs a franchise that wrestling has created? In a sense, yes. But as the wrestling landscape changes, so do the fans, essentially the promotions should catch on, but until then we’ll all be debating who is hat where for the foreseeable future. 


Always Use Your Head and visit the official Pro Wrestling Tees store for The Chairshot All t-shirt proceeds help support the advancement of your favorite hard-hitting wrestling website, The Chairshot!


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