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Chairshot Classics

Chairshot Classics: WWE SummerSlam 2011

Next we see CM Punk in the back and he is being talked to by everyone’s favorite Vice President of Talent Relations, Johnny Ace. I guess sarcasm doesn’t translate well over the keyboard. He is giving Punk a hard time for “challenging his authority” and is asking him to stop. Ace then tells Punk he wants a public apology, right now, for his actions last week on RAW. Punk attacked Ace the previous week, if you are curious as to what he did. Punk laughs before proclaiming in the most sarcastic tone “I’m sorry, please, please forgive me and humbly except my apology Mr. John Laurenatis, Senior Executive of Talent Relations.” Johnny interrupts him to say “Executive Vice President.” and walks away. When Punk turns around he is face-to-face with Stephanie McMahon. She says “I just came to wish you luck today.” and this shocks CM Punk. The two have some nice back and forth banter with Stephanie offering up a handshake at the end. Punk refuses saying “I would but I know where that hands been.” Great stuff here folks, check it out.

Booker T is quick to announce the next squash match between Sheamus and Mark Henry. We get a video of Mark Henry and his domination of the undercard. This builds to the monster that he has become and shows him “breaking” then leg of The Big Show by pinching it in a chair and jumping off the top rope onto it. The chair thing has become his gimmick and we see him do it to Kane as well. This builds to Sheamus challenging and I’m thinking this is all done to help Sheamus become a baby face. Because at the last SummerSlam he was a heel. The World’s Strongest Man, Mark Henry, enters first and he gets nothing but heat from the fans. When Sheamus enters, on the other hand, the Celtic Warrior gets all the pop. The collar and elbow quickly turns into a side headlock for Sheamus but it doesn’t last long and Henry shoves him into the ropes. Henry then brick walls him with a shoulder block. Sheamus tries to get to his feet and twice in a row is taken back off them with head-butts. The third time Henry tosses him into the corner and Sheamus is able to land a few quick punches. Sheamus fights his way out of the corner but Henry sends him into the ropes. This works to Sheamus’ favor and he hits Henry with a spinning back elbow. After a knee to the midsection brings Henry to his knees, Sheamus starts to club away at his back. Henry powers through the attack and tosses Sheamus over the top rope.

Henry leaves the ring, lifts Sheamus high above his head and tosses him back into the ring with ease. When Sheamus is able to get to his feet, Henry takes him right back off them with a brutal clothesline. Henry hits a splash and hooks the leg for a pin. Sheamus is able to get the shoulder up but is having trouble getting back to his feet. He is trying to use the ropes for leverage and this is when Henry takes notice. Sheamus is crouched over the second rope, think 619, when Henry runs and leaps onto the head of Sheamus. Henry slides right over him and this just looks awkward on the neck of the Celtic Warrior. Henry returns to the ring and hooks the leg. He is angry at the official when he only gets a near fall. The crowd starts in with “Lets Go Sheamus” chants and rallies behind it with some punches to Henry’s midsection. He makes it to his feet but Henry scoops him right up for a backbreaker. Henry raises both hands high in the air and gets some nice heat from the crowd for this. Henry puts Sheamus on his shoulder and starts to stretch him with a waistlock. Sheamus manages to wiggle free and escape via a backslide. Henry stops the momentum and whips Sheamus into the turnbuckle chest first. Sheamus collides hard with it and falls to the mat.

Henry makes his way to the corner, stepping over Sheamus, and tries for a Vader Bomb. Sheamus is able to roll away and avert disaster. The ref makes it to a six count before they both make it back to their feet. Sheamus strikes first with three ax handles to Henry’s chest. Henry barely budges and tries for a clothesline. This is avoided. and Sheamus hits the ropes to gain steam for a flying double ax handle to the face of The World’s Strongest Man. This takes Henry off his feet and Sheamus drops a series of knees onto him. Sheamus then uses the second rope to choke Henry a bit. Sheamus then straightens him up and lands some big chops onto Henry’s 68 inch chest. At least Michael Cole says its that large. Henry lands a bank elbow but Sheamus continues to chop away. Sheamus raises his hands to get some pop from the crowd and hits the ropes. Henry and Sheamus double clothesline each other and fall flat to the mat. After he hits a big boot, Sheamus takes to the top rope and hits Henry with a diving shoulder block. The crowd explodes when Sheamus hooks the leg but are let down when Henry kicks out. Sheamus tries for a Brogue Kick but Henry avoids it and flattens Sheamus with a clothesline. Henry goes for a gorilla press slam but Sheamus escapes and nails a Brogue Kick that sends Henry out of the ring. Sheamus joins him on the outside but Henry scoops him up and rams his back into the ring post. He doesn’t release Sheamus and rams him into the security wall. It explodes like only a prop could and they crash to the floor. Henry re-enters the ring and the crowd starts campaigning for Sheamus to come back. This is where we can see Indy darling and The World Famous Dick Wrestler, Joey Ryan standing right where they crashed through the wall. The guys in the back were fans of how well he sold this that they offered him a tryout on RAW the next day against Bo Rotunda AKA Bo Dallas. Sheamus starts to crawl towards the ring but isn’t able to get there before the ref counts a ten. Mark Henry wins the fall via count out and the fans erupt with boos. Decent match her for a squash but one could definitely hit fast forward on it. Match Time-9:22

We are joined by Christian in the locker room for an interview about his World Heavyweight Title defense against Randy Orton. Christian assures us that there is no way that Orton will leave SummerSlam the Champion because he has an insurance policy. He compares himself to Harry Potter, “capable of magic at every move.” He says his no-holds barred match with Orton will be a summer blockbuster with him as the star. Good stuff here by the World Heavyweight Champion, Christian.

Up next is a performance from one of the host of The Voice, Cee Lo Green. He performs the theme song, “Bright Lights, Bigger City” first and it doesn’t appear like the crowd much cares. The crowd is a little more responsive when some Diva’s join him for his hit song “Forget You”. Two of these Diva’s are the Bella Twins and another Alicia Fox. I understand the logic here because Cee Lo was on top of the world at this point I am just not a fan of it. I grew up in the era of the D-X band and Limp Bizkit, so that is more my style of WWE performance. Up next is a quick ad for the WWE’s Anti-bullying campaign and it features various Superstars from the company. Say what you may about the company, but they are always on top of charitable services.

The WWE Diva’s Champion Kelly Kelly is first out for the next match in which her Title will be on the line. She is joined by her friend Eve Torres. The two don’t receive much response from the fans and neither does her challenger. Beth Phoenix enters and is joined by Natalya. Phoenix earned the number one contender spot when she won a Battle Royale two weeks prior on RAW. Right before the bell sounds Kelly strikes with a forearm and pounds Phoenix into the corner with a few more. Phoenix is able to whip Kelly to the opposite corner but when she charges in met with a boot. Kelly tries for a kick of her own but Phoenix is able to catch her foot and backflip her over. Kelly hits the ropes and goes for a hurricanrana but Phoenix hooks her legs in. The two do a half dozen spins before Phoenix releases. This leaves Phoenix dizzy and when she releases Kelly she also hits the canvas. Phoenix finds herself on the apron and Kelly chokes her with her long legs. She then hits the ropes and knocks Phoenix off the apron with a forearm to the back of the head. Kelly keeps the action fast-paced and leaps off the second turnbuckle, splashing Phoenix. Phoenix is returned to the ring and Kelly goes for a backslide pin. This doesn’t work as Phoenix is able to overpower her and drives her into the corner. The two ladies arms are still hooked when Phoenix does this, but Kelly pushes off the turnbuckle and flips over Phoenix. This doesn’t go as planned either and Phoenix flattens her with a clothesline.

The Glamazon is in control now and uses a gorilla press slam to snake-eye Kelly Kelly onto the top rope. Phoenix hooks the leg, but Kelly is not done yet and kicks out. Phoenix then tosses Kelly into the corner by her hair and starts to choke her with her boot. When the ref forces the separation, Phoenix charges and hits the Champ with a butt bump to the face. She then grabs Kelly by the hair and rubs Kelly’s face into her ass. Shades of Attitude Era here folks. The Glamazon takes Kelly back to the mat with a snapmare and after a kicked out pin she applies a chinlock. Kelly eventually stands up, but after a kick to the midsection Kelly finds herself in the Canadian backbreaker. Phoenix is really wrenching it in, but Kelly starts to land a few blows and escapes via a backslide. Kelly then hits a neckbreaker and both women are slow to their feet. Phoenix strikes first and uses an Alabama slam to leave Kelly in the tree of woe. After Phoenix whips Kelly by the hair into the turn she is able to escape and roll The Glamazon up for a near fall. Phoenix easily kicks out and is quick to hit Kelly with a sidewalk slam. Phoenix hooks a leg but Kelly still kicks it out. Kelly starts to get fired up and after she avoids a big boot she slams Phoenix’s face into the mat repeatedly. Both are slow to rise but Phoenix is first on the offensive and tries for a Glam Slam. Kelly is able to escape with a victory roll and gets the three count. Kelly Kelly retains the WWE Diva’s Championship. For each having another woman in their corner I was shocked there wasn’t any interference. This was a good match and worth taking a look at. This is the early shades of the Women’s Division we are honored with today. Match Time-6:35

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