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Chairshot Classics: WWE SummerSlam 2015

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Open: Our host for the evening is in the ring, Jon Stewart. He welcomes us to SummerSlam, here in Brooklyn history will take place. Stewart says he spent the last 10 years in politics, so it’s great to be back in reality. The performers tonight respect the audience unlike politicians. He talks about The Streak, stating he’s still upset about it and he wants to tell Brock how he feels. Tonight he wants to interview Brock Lesnar, but he’s a small, weak man and he needs some help. Stewart introduces his ‘back-up’ for the night, Mick Foley. Mick takes the opportunity for a cheap pop, then tells a story about a phone call with Jon, explaining he thought Stewart wanted help interviewing The Rock until a couple minutes ago. Foley says if he had known it was Brock, this conversation wouldn’t be happening, claiming he’s terrified of The Beast. Stewart references Hell In A Cell and how he took a beating like none other, Foley reminding him it was 17 years ago. He’s wrestled everywhere in the world, but hasn’t been to Suplex City and isn’t about to start now, telling Jon he’s on his own. “Have a nice day!”

Match #1: Randy Orton vs. ‘Mr. Money In The Bank’ Sheamus
Orton looks for a very early RKO, Sheamus avoids it and rolls outside, grabs a mic and stands on the announce table to tell the fans he doesn’t look stupid. He claims we will “respect the hawk”, Orton meets him outside and trips him on the announce table, rolls him in the ring and connects with right hands and a dropkick. The Celtic Warrior rolls outside again, catches The Viper coming out and drives him into the ring post and barricade. Mr. MITB tosses Orton inside, heads to the top and lands a knee drop for a count of 2, following with stomps and a running boot.

He sends The Viper hard into the corner with an irish whip, then continues to punish Orton with boots and splits him with multiple Irish Curse backbreakers. He utilizes a rear chinlock to wear down The Apex Predator, Orton fights back to his feet and breaks it with right hands. Sheamus reverses a whip into the ropes, burying a knee to the midsection, then choking The Viper with a knee to the throat. They exchange right hands, Sheamus gets the better of it, sending Orton to the ropes for a high back elbow. The Celtic Warrior goes back to the rear chinlock, Orton again battles up and hits rights and lefts.

Sheamus sends Orton into the corner, driving the shoulder into the midsection, follows with a running kneelift, but then runs into Orton clotheslines. The Viper tries the powerslam, Sheamus hangs onto the ropes, then runs into the patented Orton backbreaker. The Apex Predator sets for the IEDDT, The Celtic Warrior slips out of it, gets Orton to his shoulders for a rolling fireman’s carry, The Viper countering back with a t-bone suplex that sends Sheamus to the floor. He rolls Mr. MITB back in, climbs the 2nd rope for right hands, Sheamus drops him on the top turnbuckle, then plants him with a powerslam for a 2 count.

The Celtic Warrior goes to a modified sharpshooter, The Viper crawls to the bottom rope and forces the break. Sheamus looks for it again, gets kicked off and tries a Brogue, Orton side-stepping and hitting a powerslam for a near fall. The Viper with a small cut over the eye, charges Sheamus in the corner and runs into a boot. The Celtic Warrior pulls himself to the top turnbuckle, Orton is back on his feet and he spikes Sheamus with an IEDDT. The Apex Predator is thinking RKO, Mr. MITB ducks to the apron to avoid it, gets ahold of Orton and unloads with 10 Beats Of The Bodhren.

Orton fires back, Sheamus with a forearm, slingshots himself into the ring and The Viper turns it into an RKO. Sheamus rolls out to the floor before Orton can cover, The Viper has to go out to get him, then sets for the Punt Kick in the ring. The Celtic Warrior avoids it, planting Orton with White Noise and gets a near fall. Mr. MITB wants to finish it, calling for the Brogue Kick, Orton side-steps and attempts an RKO. Sheamus pushes him off, hits the Brogue, then hits the ropes and lands another to grab the win.
Winner: Sheamus (Brogue Kick)

  • EA’s Take: I haven’t been nearly as invested in this as I have any of the other feuds coming into tonight. It was a decent opening to the action this evening and I’m glad to see Sheamus get a big, CLEAN win over a main eventer like Orton. These are the kinds of wins Sheamus should be getting leading up to whenever his MITB cash-in occurs. Not every heel has to play the cowardly role, Sheamus is definitely in that category.

Match #2 is a Fatal 4 Way for the WWE Tag Team Championships: The New Day (Big E & Kofi Kingston) w/Xavier Woods vs. The Lucha Dragons (Kalisto & Sin Cara) vs. Los Matadores (Diego & Fernando) w/El Torito vs. WWE Tag Team Champions The Primetime Players (Darren Young & Titus O’Neil)
Big E & Titus to get things going, Kofi tags himself in against Big E, tossing Titus out of the ring and trying to pin one another to win it. Titus quickly puts a stop to that, Sin Cara tags himself in, entering the match with a sunset flip. Kingston rolls through it for a kick, Sin Cara ducks and rolls him up for a 1 count. Kofi goes to the midsection, springboards off the 2nd rope and Sin Cara counters into a pinning combination for 2. Sin Cara hoists Kingston on his shoulders, tag to Kalisto, Sin Cara plants Kofi with a rolling fireman’s carry, then monkey flips Kalisto into a splash for a count of 2.

Kofi rolls away to tag Big E, Big E slaps him in the face and Kalisto comes back with a flurry of kicks, then connects with the Liston Kick. Big E tries to use his size, tossing Kalisto into the ropes, Kalisto with a back handspring into an enzuigiri and he Big E falls backwards, Darren tagging in. Young with a go-behind into a roll-up for 2, Kalisto with a trip and a quick cover, they go back and forth avoiding takedowns and we get a stalemate. Collar & elbow, Darren backs Kalisto into New Day’s corner, Kofi tags himself in and runs into a hiptoss from Darren.

Young sends him into the ropes for a back elbow, dropping Kingston with a neckbreaker and getting a 2 count. Big E makes a blind tag, Darren with a discus forearm that sends Kingston spilling to the floor, Young slides under the bottom rope after him and Big E with a splash on the apron. Diego tags himself into the ring, covering Darren for a 2 count, then hitting a running seated senton on the 2nd rope, tagging Fernando mid-air. Fernando slingshots in with a somersault senton for a near fall, tag back to Diego and they hit a double suplex for another 2. They get too close to New Day, Kofi tagging himself in and now New Day with frequent tags, taking turns stomping a hole in Darren in the corner.

Big E sends Kingston into a dropkick, Kofi hooks the leg and still can’t get a 3 count. He grabs Young in a rear chinlock, Darren gaining a vertical base, but Kingston with a knee to the midsection and right hands. Big E back in with a gutbuster, Kofi follows with a running kick and E covers for a count of 2. He maintains control of Darren with an abdominal stretch, Young fights his way out of it, but eats a high back elbow for a near fall. Kofi re-enters, connecting with a springboard stomp, backs Darren into his corner and Young battles out, then catches Kingston in an inverted atomic drop. Titus gets the hot tag, leveling Kofi with a shoulder knockdown, then takes out Big E & Sin Cara on the apron.

He flattens Kingston with a big boot, catches Kalisto springboarding in and tosses him aside like a sack of potatoes. Los Matadores get some too, Diego getting knocked off the apron and Fernando falling victim to multiple backbreakers. He squashes Diego and Kingston in the corner, Fernando makes a blind tag, coming off the top with a crossbody, Sin Cara breaking the pin up at 2. He sends Fernando to the outside, hits the ropes for a suicide dive and Fernando meets him with a dropkick. Fernando back to the apron, hangs Titus across the top, then heads to the top turnbuckle.

Woods gets to the apron and pushes him down to the canvas, Torito heads up and springboards to the outside onto Xavier, but gets caught. Woods plants Torito on the floor, goes back to the apron as Fernando hits Titus with a Backstabber, Darren connecting with a back suplex to Woods on the apron. Big E hits the ring, charges and spears Young out to the floor, Titus getting back to his feet in the ring and rushing into double boots from Fernando.

He climbs to the top, Sin Cara slides back in, Lucha Dragons both push Fernando off to the floor, Diego gets involved and the Dragons go for a double superplex. Titus grabs both of them, powerbombing everyone down as Kofi gets to the apron and makes a blind tag. Titus connects with Clash Of The Titus to Fernando, Big E hits the ring to dispose of Titus, Kingston covers and we have new champions.
Winners and NEW WWE Tag Team Champions: The New Day (Kofi/Blind Tag)

  • EA’s Take: As I had suspected, The New Day regains their titles in a very fast paced contest where all 4 teams got a chance to shine. The division as a whole still needs a lot of depth, especially on the heel side of the tracks. It didn’t make sense for a babyface team to have the titles, since The New Day is basically the only heel team right now. You have The Ascension, but they have been treated as a joke since their debut back in January.


Let us know what you think on social media @theCHAIRSHOTcom and always remember to use the hashtag #UseYourHead!

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