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Mitchell’s Lucha Underground Report! (8/22/18)



Lucha Underground cover image

The feud of Pentagon and Cage for the Lucha Underground Championship has escalated to the point where it comes down to the Last Man (Or Machine) Standing!


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  • Haunted House Match: The Mack VS Mil Muertes; Muertes wins.
  • Aerostar VS Jake Strong; Strong wins.
  • Lucha Underground Championship Last Man Standing Match: Pentagon Dark VS Cage; Pentagon wins and retains the Lucha Underground Championship.


Melissa Santos prepares for the night.

She finishes her make-up as El Dragon Azteca Jr. walks in. He asks how she’s doing, in reference to losing Fenix in the Three Way to the Grave Casket Match. Melissa says she’s doing great, but he can tell. The Believers need her to have a happy face, but she can be honest with Azteca. She misses him. She does. But then Azteca spots the medallion Catrina gave her. He helps Melissa put it on. Her missing Fenix just shows that he’s alive and well, in her heart. “The more you grieve, the more you loved.” She gave Fenix’s life meaning, and he was lucky to have her. And she’s lucky to have such a great friend in Azteca. Showtime! But perhaps, was Azteca hoping for more than friendship?


Haunted House Match: The Mack VS Mil Muertes!

The Man of 1000 Deaths doesn’t forget nor forgive what is done to him. The Mack eliminated him from the Gift of the Gods running first, and brought the wrath of the undead upon him. Now Mack must battle Muertes in this first-ever for the Temple! Can he survive the things that go bump in the night?

Granted, this “haunted house” is more like a Halloween party, but this does set the mood just a little. Catrina also walks right up to Melissa. “Now I know you’re not that smart, sweetheart. But you forgot to introduce me.” Do it right, bitch. Catrina shoves the mic back at Melissa, and Melissa stands up. “No!” Catrina claws Melissa, then bounces her off the steel! Melissa crawls away, but Catrina gives her a Lick of Death before smashing her face into a vase! The Lady in Red leaves Melissa for dead, and we go to break.

Lucha Underground returns and Catrina eagerly watches the match officially begin. Fans duel while Mack and Muertes circle. Mack dodges Muertes, but he can’t go too far with the cage around them. Mack dodges again, to then SMACK Muertes with a haymaker. But it does nothing! Muertes takes another, and another, and still no effect. Mack runs, ducking Muertes’ clotheslines, to then leg lariat! But Muertes still stands! Muertes gives Mack a BIG choke slam! He then rains rights and lefts, and even stomps, before SMACK with the kendo stick! Muertes puts a trash can on Mack’s head before SMACK against the steel!

Muertes looks at the selection of weapons hanging from the steel, and chooses the crowbar. He jams it into Mack, then slams the trash can on Mack over and over. Mack writhes, but Muertes drags him up. Muertes whips Mack but runs into his boot. Mack back elbows, too, then boots him again. Mack sunset flips but Muertes stays standing. Muertes punches but misses, and Mack runs, but into the powerslam! Fans duel again as Muertes goes for the pumpkin. Muertes brings it over, to slam it on Mack’s back! Muertes pulls and stretches the mouth of Mack, then brings him up for a whip. Mack slides under, then kicks and kicks, for the satellite DDT! Both big men are down, but Catrina isn’t worried for her undead soul mate.

Mack climbs up, going for an item way up top. But Muertes stops him with a clubbing forearm on the back! Mack tumbles between ropes and steel, and Muertes fires off forearms and chops. Muertes runs, to SPEAR Mack into the steel! The Reaper’s Trident rips that wall open! Muertes runs again, to SPEAR Mack again! Mack is limp as Muertes scrapes him to the outside. This battle spills outside the cage, for a DDT to the floor! Fans rally up as Muertes pushes Mack through the opening. Muertes puts a table through the hole! Mack crawls while Muertes climbs his way up and in. Muertes aims from the top rope, for a flying crossbody! Cover, TWO! Mack lives, but Muertes still has many morbid ideas left to use.

Muertes sets the “haunted” table up in the corner, then brings the “spooky” table up into the other. He returns to Mack while Believers chant “Spooky! Spooky!” Muertes takes the knife! The referee begs Muertes show mercy to Mack, but he doesn’t! He jabs the edge into Mack’s face! Mack is bleeding profusely, but Muertes simply takes a taste. Muertes keeps jabbing Mack with the knife! The wounds grow worse, and Believers start to feel sick. But Catrina adores this gore as Muertes brings Mack up. He whips Mack but Mack stops himself. Mack dodges, Muertes stops himself, then he dodges Mack. Mack sees Muertes coming, and Spinbusters Muertes through the “haunted” table! Believers fire up for the bloody underdog, but Muertes SPEARS him through the “spooky” table! Cover, TWO!? Mack survives!

Believers declare “This is Awesome!” but Muertes brings in another “haunted” table and sets it up nearby. Mack drags himself up, blood making a crimson mask on his face. Muertes drags him over, prepares a finish, but Mack fights out. Mack gives elbow after elbow after elbow, then the Mack Stunner! Muertes still stands, so he gets a second stunner! And a third! Believers fire up as Mack brings Muertes up again. He sets Muertes on the table, then climbs up top! Muertes sits up! And uppercuts Mack back! Muertes climbs up, grabs Mack, SUPER FLAT LINER through the table!! Cover, Muertes wins!!

Winner: Mil Muertes, by pinfall

Melissa can’t make an announcement, but everyone knows what just happened. The inhumanity of Muertes & Catrina grows, but when Muertes wants her to get her taste, she tells him “No.” Will Muertes ever get satisfaction now that Catrina’s rejoined the Land of the Living?


Famous B is on the mic.

Given the CEO of Infamous Inc. got his leg broken by The Savage, Jake Strong, he thanks everyone who called 423-Get-Fame and wished him well. That’s not many. He has seven screws and needs three surgeries, but he’ll be good soon. And seeing as how Melissa isn’t here, Famous B will introduce the next match. Famous B would never leave the Believers. However, he has to introduce “The Savage” himself!

Aerostar VS Jake Strong!

The Space Age Luchador recently got his friend, Drago, back after helping the Worldwide Underground defeat the Reptile Tribe. How will his return go against the ruthless All-American American?

The bell rings and the two stand face to face. Strong brings up their height difference, but Aero fires off! Strong pushes Aero to a corner but misses in the corner. He blocks Aero’s punch to punch back, then suplex Aero all the way into the ring! Fans chant “Strong! Strong!” as he puts Aero in the corner. Strong whips Aero corner to corner but runs into boots. Aero tilt-o-whirls and headscissors, then builds speed to crucifix! Cover, TWO!

Strong and Aero stand and fans rally behind the smaller wrestler. Aero is put in the corner again but he boots Strong away. Aero double jumps and missile dropkicks Strong down. He keeps going, runs the ropes and front dropkicks Strong again. Cover, TWO! Fans rally as Aero runs at Strong. Strong puts him on the apron, but gets the swing kick. Aero climbs again, but Strong throws him off! Strong grabs the leg, and has the Ankle Lock! Aero taps, Strong wins!

Winner: Jake Strong, by submission

But savage as ever, Strong holds on past the bell. Here comes Drago! Strong backs away as Drago swings his nunchaku! The Temple’s Dragon protects his Super Amigo, and are united against Strong. Will Drago & Aerostar overcome Strong’s personal warpath? Or will he take their ankles along with some souvenirs?


The Worldwide Underground hold a “Jack & Jill” wedding shower.

The locker room is decorated in green, gold and white, which are clearly the colors the future Mr. & Mrs. Mundo have chosen. PJ Black and Jack Evans are there to present their presents to the lovely couple. A gift certificate to the Slam Town Spa & Resort? They love that place! Thanks, Darewolf. But before they get to Jack’s, Taya has one for Johnny~! He opens it up, and it’s a panting of himself! “This is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.” But it also reminds him of when his title was stolen from him way back at Ultima Lucha Tres.

But Taya promises he’ll “steal it back”. She talked to Antonio Cueto, and they came to the agreement that the week after their wedding, Mundo faces whoever is the champion 1v1 for the title! “You truly are the perfect woman!” Mundo takes her hand in marriage next week, then the week after that, he takes back his Lucha Underground Championship! But while WWU celebrates, their manager, Benjamin, arrives. However, Ricky acts as the bouncer, and claims he’s not on the list. Actually, he is, because he was invited, because he’s actually useful to the WWU, unlike Ricky. But Rosa says no one talks to Ricky like that! Show him how useful you are, Ricky! Like you did Angelico. What? Ricky says “Benji” can come in, but first…

Oh a nice pen. Is this for Johnny to sign all Ricky’s autographs? “Not anymore!” Because he grabs Benjamin by the head, and stabs the pen into his throat! REPEATEDLY! Rosa laughs and Ricky grins as the blood flies everywhere! Taya screams, but because of Jack’s amazing gift. Matching bandannas! The WWU is completely unaware of the horrors around the corner. Will any of them learn of the blood on Ricky’s hands?


Lucha Underground Championship Last Man Standing Match: Pentagon Dark VS Cage!

It has been a back and forth war between these two ever since the challenger attacked the champion just because he could. Pentagon would retaliate, but he was unable to break The Machine. Now it will take this Last Man (Or Machine) Standing Match to settle it once and for all! Who will walk out of the Temple with the title?

Lucha Underground returns and Cage hits Pentagon already! He throws forearms as the bell rings, and they go around the ring just like they did last week. Pentagon staggers back into the ring but Cage drags him back out. Cage rocks Pentagon with a European Uppercut, then scoop slams him on the mat. The Terminator Drums echo as Cage rips at the mask! He’s all but exposed Pentagon before pushing him into a post. Fans let him know what they think of that, but Cage doesn’t care. Pentagon SMASHES a bottle on Cage’s head! But Cage barely flinches before giving Pentagon a clothesline! Cage smashes a bottle, but on a post, to use the jagged edge on Pentagon’s face! He digs it in until Pentagon bleeds!

Cage drags Pentagon back into the ring, then throws fist after fist into the wound. Pentagon is down and a count begins, but Cage isn’t satisfied with the damage done. He brings out a table! Pentagon bleeds and stirs but Cage has that table in the ring. Cage sets the table in the corner, then brings Pentagon up. He puts it out on Pentagon’s back, but Pentagon fights back. Pentagon tries a superkick but Cage blocks it. Cage swings a discus but Pentagon ducks it. Pentagon fireman’s carry, to Death Valley through the table! Believers love this already as Pentagon flounders his way out of the ring. Cage is down and a count begins, but Pentagon isn’t satisfied with this much, either. He brings in chairs!

Cage stands at 5, but SMACK, chair to the head! Pentagon fires up and watches the referee count. But then he drags Cage around at 6, to place the chair on Cage’s body. Pentagon then climbs up as fans change the song to “Ole~ ole ole ole~! Cero~, Miedo~!” Pentagon aims, and hits double stomps onto the chair! Cage’s rib cage is crushed, and he gets out of the ring, writhing and gasping. Pentagon hears the Believers chant for him, so he goes to the apron to kick. Cage blocks it to powerbomb Pentagon at railings! Fans lose their minds while Cage steadies himself. Cage brings out another table, then another. He sets them up together, but Pentagon has a trash can! Pentagon SMACKS Cage in the head with it! Believers love both of these men and their thirsts for violence.

Pentagon aims at Cage, but Cage smacks Pentagon with the can’s lid. Cage drags Pentagon back over, aims for the tables, and deadlift SUPERPLEXES Pentagon through them! It’s a double-edged crash and burn, and now both men are vulnerable to the count. Fans lose their minds all over again as Pentagon manages to stir. Cage stands at 5! Pentagon drags himself around while fans say “This is Awesome!” Cage drags Pentagon up, breaking the count. He puts Pentagon in a seat, then comes back with yet another table. He sets it up while fans rally up for Pentagon. Cage drags Pentagon over and into the ring. He lifts Pentagon, but Pentagon fights out. Pentagon kicks, but Cage lifts! Pentagon fights out, and SMACKS him with a chair! Cage is dizzy, Pentagon fireman’s carry for a Death Valley through THAT table!

Referees check on both men while fans continue to lose their minds. The count begins again, but somehow Pentagon stands at 4. Cage stirs at 5, but stands at 9. Pentagon kicks him in the leg! They go back into the ring, and Pentagon, his blood now a crimson mask, stumbles over to Cage. Cage springs up, to discus clothesline Pentagon down! He drags Pentagon back up, for the Driller Claw, suplex to piledriver! The Terminator Drums start up again because Cage brings out a fifth table! Fans duel while Cage sets things up. Pentagon stays low while Cage fetches a cinder block. Cage brings the block, but Pentagon SMACKS him with the lid! Pentagon places Cage near the table, then climbs up. Cage kicks him back! Cage climbs, but Pentagon fights back. SUPER DESTROYER, through the table!! Pentagon sits right up, and refuses to end this here!

Pentagon fetches chair after chair after chair. Cage is down while the count reaches 5. Pentagon has half a dozen chairs and starts setting things up. Cage crawls around, but Pentagon has made a nice row of chairs. Pentagon kicks Cage’s leg but Cage hits a jumping knee. Cage lifts Pentagon but Pentagon slips out to drop toehold Cage onto the chairs. Pentagon then kicks him up the middle! Pentagon stands on the chairs with Cage, which is scary, and gives  Cage a PACKAGE PILEDRIVER! But Pentagon still isn’t done. He places a chair around that supposedly unbreakable arm of Cage’s, then grabs another, for a Con-CHAIR-to!! Cage writhes in extreme agony, but Pentagon grins and laughs. He sets Cage up for the Dark Armbar, and SNAPS the arm! Cage finally breaks, but Pentagon wants to add on. Dark Armbar to the other arm, SNAP!!

Cage has no good arm, and the count begins! The Machine crawls to his cinder block, and Pentagon CURB STOMPS him through it! The count restarts, and everyone counts along. Cage stays down for all 10, Pentagon wins!!

Winner: Pentagon Dark; still Lucha Underground Champion

The level of destruction it took to stop the Machine cannot be measured, but the unbreakable did break! Pentagon went through so much pain himself, will he be ready in time for Mundo’s honeymoon challenge?



My Thoughts:

What a great episode. The story integration in the opening segments was great. Azteca seems to have fallen for Melissa, but she still loves Fenix. Then with Catrina beating Melissa up and the history between Fenix, Azteca and Muertes, I’m expecting no less than a mixed tag to be made. Muertes & Catrina VS Melissa and a man of her choosing, and the moment Melissa is about to name Azteca, Fenix returns! Then the love triangle can lead to a jealous Azteca putting up his title against Fenix’s feelings for Melissa. Or at the very least, we need a full Melissa Santos VS Catrina match for those two to cat-fight it out. The Haunted House Match itself was a let down at first because it was just a cheesy cage match. But then it went above and beyond in the action, and I loved it again.

Ricky is starting to scare me. I can’t be sure if he’s going to ruin the wedding or the title match in two weeks, but I can tell it’ll get bloody just like his “murder” of Benjamin. Meanwhile, Famous B does pretty good in his comedic return. Clearly Jake Strong is making the shift to Heel, as he goes up against Aerostar & Drago. I feel like Strong won’t want a tag team partner, he’ll assume he can win against both Super Amigos at the same time. That should be fun, given Aero and Drago are such great high-flyers. Famous B might even try to make them part of his team, only to be rejected and sidelined with another “injury.” Then that Last Man/Machine Standing match was incredible, and I’m happily surprised Pentagon retains, and him and Mundo settling the score from Season 3 will be great.

My Score: 8.5/10

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