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Mitchell’s Lucha Underground Report! (8/29/18)

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Lucha Underground Season 4, “Til Death Do Us Part”

Lucha Underground hosts the wedding of the century! Johnny Mundo & Taya tie the knot, but a wicked Ricky Mantel and his +1, Rosa, might have other plans…

 

Gifs can be found on http://frentique.tumblr.com/

 

OFFICIAL RESULTS

  • Drago VS Jake Strong; Strong wins.
  • No Mas Match: Jack Evans VS XO Lishus; XO Lishus wins.

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The Worldwide Underground is almost ready for the wedding.

Jack Evans comes in and sees Johnny Mundo looking “absolutely amazing.” Tonight is special, because Mundo & Taya will say “I Do” while Jack makes XO Lishus say “I Quit.” Tonight, the Mayor of Slam Town makes The Valkyrie his First Lady and they become the Sexiest Couple in the Mundo. PJ Black promises another great surprise. Break out the red carpet and call the paparazzi, because Johnny Mundo’s getting married. OMG is that Joey Merc– Er, Joey Wrestling!? His old pal from way back is back to be Mundo’s Best Man. Wasn’t PJ the Best Man? Not anymore! Now Ricky’s demoted to ring-bearer. And Rosa can be flower girl. “Loser.”

But this is great! This is truly the best night of Mundo’s life! Air guitar~! No, Ricky, no. Joey gets his “guitar”, to jam out with! Ricky is left all alone in the locker room with Rosa. Rosa hopes Ricky was planning to keep his vow to her. What wicked wedding gift awaits the happy couple during the ceremony?

 

Famous B continues to be the interim ring announcer!

And he again announces another match for The Savage from Oklahoma.

Drago VS Jake Strong!

The fire-breathing luchador from Infra Mundo saved his space-age amigo from a broken leg, but now must test himself against the towering tormentor. Can Drago get even for Aerostar and the other wrestlers Strong has savagely broken?

Lucha Underground returns as this match begins. Fans are on Drago’s side as he and Strong circle. They tie up, and Strong gets a waistlock. He picks up Drago but Drago keeps from being slammed. Strong clubs Dragon in the back and then grinds Drago’s face into a buckle. Strong backs up to then ram in knees. He backs off at the referee’s count at 4, but brings Drago up. Fans duel as Strong gives Drago a back suplex. Strong drags Drago back up for another, but Drago slips out. Drago ducks and runs, to then roll of Strong’s back to fire off strikes! Drago runs, ducks but gets hit with a chopblock! Fans rally up as Strong works over the leg and ankle. Drago endures while fans duel and rally. Strong lets go only to drop an elbow on the knee.

Fans duel while Strong drags Drago into an armlock. Drago endures and fights out. He arm-drags but Strong holds on to wrench the arm more. Drago uses his legs to kick Strong back, then he climbs up. Strong runs into a knee, but catches the crossbody! Strong shifts Drago to his shoulder, but Drago turns the slam into a DDT! Fans fire up as Drago runs for the one-leg shotgun dropkick. Cover, TWO and Drago is sent outside the ring! Strong fetches Drago and brings him over to throw him into railing. Drago reverses and mule kicks, but is back dropped over onto chairs! Fans lose their minds from the impact while Strong drags Drago out of the wreckage.

Strong brings Drago back into the ring, and takes aim from a corner. He runs, for the All American Vader Bomb! But he’s not done there, he puts on the Ankle Lock! Drago endures, but taps! Strong wins again!

Winner: Jake Strong, by submission

Strong keeps his undefeated streak going, as well as his mean streak! He takes Drago’s nunchaku, and uses them in the Ankle Lock! But Aerostar returns the favor of the rescue! He springboards but is caught, yet still fights out and kicks away on Strong’s leg. Strong shoves Aero away and the Super Amigos regroup. Strong is not intimidated but he has two super luchadors to deal with. Will one or both of them break Strong? Or will Strong break both of them?

 

No Mas Match: Jack Evans VS XO Lishus!

The Dragonslayer issued a Put Up or Shut Up open challenge weeks ago, but mostly because he didn’t want any part of fighting the Reptile Tribe. However, not even Jack thought he’d lose his own challenge when the flamboyant and fresh new face in the Temple got the upset victory. Now Jack’s escalated things to the point where the only way to win is to make the other luchador verbally quit. Can he get over his grudge in time for Mundo’s wedding? Or will he be further upset by the rookie tonight?

The bell rings and Jack has the fans hush. “XO you gotta know something!” It’s that the rookie has no business being in the same ring as “Lucha’s One True God!” XO responds with a SPEAR! And fast and furious hands! Jack scrambles away but XO pursues with a Thesz Presses off the apron! XO throws more furious hands and he sends Jack running. XO pursues and clobbers Jack back down! He gives more hammer fists, but then Jack tackles him down. Jack keeps trying to run away but XO keeps chasing after. Jack kicks XO at the stairs, but XO kicks back! Then he throws Jack with headscissors! Fans fire up but XO isn’t done. He throws Jack at the apron but Jack spins around to kick XO back down.

Jack grins, then hits a 450 off the apron! It’s double-edged but Jack doesn’t care as long as it hurts XO. He drags XO up and bounces XO off the announce desk. Jack shouts for XO to “Eat it!” as he bounces XO again. He bounces XO a third time, and XO ends up in Matt Stryker’s lap. Matt knows the no-touch rule, even as XO roundhouses Jack back from the seat! XO then hops up on the table, to BLOCKBUSTER Jack to the floor! Fans lose their minds over that one, but XO isn’t done. XO throws more hands and tells Jack he’s a bully! XO slams Jack’s face on the floor and Jack scurries away again. Jack kicks XO back, then gets on the apron. Jack leaps to hit XO with a knee! “You’re god damn right I’m a bully! And I love it!”

Fans rally as Jack brings XO behind the fans. He throws XO into the stair railings, then chokes him with a chain! “XO, just give up! You’re only making it harder on yourself!” XO’s response is too much to repeat on air, so Jack drags XO back to the ring. Jack bounces XO off the apron, but XO kicks back from the floor. XO gives Jack a stiff body shot, then a fireman’s carry to the rolling senton. He flips back for knees, then throws more hands. XO hates bullies, so he hates Jack. Jack curses back but gets an ax kick for it! The chase continues around the ring, and goes to the ladders behind the timekeeper’s area. Jack fights back with fists, then whips XO to bowl for chairs!

Jack decides to climb up the ladder, to then senton off it! He and XO wipe out and the fans lose their minds all over again. “What do you say?!” “F*** you!” Well that one got through the censor! Jack stomps and stomps and stomps, but here comes Ivelisse! The Baddest Bitch quickly became friends with XO during their tag match with Jack Evans and Joey Ryan. She comes to XO’s aid, but gets a SUPERKICK for it! Ivelisse staggers and Jack whips her to bowl for more chairs. But then XO throws Jack into a post!

XO puts Jack in the ring as fans sing. Jack dodges one kick but gets the dropkick-flip and back elbow. XO spins Jack for a back kick, front kick and sweep. XO takes aim for the Shining Wizard but misses. Jack sits up, only to get the kick to the back. XO then drags Jack into a modified Regal Stretch! What does Jack say now? “NO!” Jack slips out but XO keeps the arm to kick Jack again. He rolls Jack back into the XO Stretch, but Jack says “NEVER!” Jack escapes again but XO goes for another kick. Jack blocks it to get an Ankle Lock! XO endures but refuses to quit. XO rolls and shoves Jack right away! Both men are down but fans rally up for XO.

XO crawls to a corner, but Jack is in the other. XO handsprings in, for a SLAP! Jack gets pissed, but he runs into a drop toehold, and the Code of Silence! Jack endures the headscissor squeeze, so XO SPIKES him! XO drags Jack to an armbar, but Jack brings XO into that omoplata! XO endures the stretching and choking, but what does he say? Jack wants XO to suffer before quitting, but fans rally up. XO stands and stomps his way out. Then he puts Jack in his armbar. Jack stacks XO up and pries his way out. Back senton! Jack keeps going as he grabs himself a chair. He says it’s time to outsource as he brings it into the ring. Jack aims at XO, and SMASHES him with the chair!

Jack sets the chair up and brings XO over to take a seat. He then drives elbow after elbow into XO’s ribs. Jack says if XO doesn’t quit, “I’m gonna snap your god damn neck!” Fans boo as Jack climbs up, because this is going too far. Now Joey Ryan appears! He may be the Sleazy One, but even he has standards. He tells Jack to stop this, “This is Crazy!” Joey grabs Jack’s leg, but Jack kicks him away. Ivelisse saves XO and Jack only gets chair! XO gets up and roundhouses Jack again. He puts on the armbar! Jack screams, shouts, but says “No Mas!” XO wins!!

Winner: XO Lishus

Ivelisse and Joey Ryan may have helped, but if they didn’t, XO may have been hospitalized or worse. Will Jack let go of his grudge? As for XO, Ivelisse celebrates with him while Joey explains he really is on the right side of this. Joey helps XO stand up, and they all celebrate together. Will this happy ending allow XO to rise up the ranks?

 

Jack Evans crawls his way backstage.

The WWU tell him to get dressed, the wedding’s about to start. Maybe he won’t be attending. In that case, Ricky wants to be a groomsmen again, instead of carrying the “stupid rings.” The rings aren’t stupid, Ricky, you’re stupid! Just do your job! Joey Wrestling calms Johnny down, and reminds him he’s getting married. Right, Mundo is marrying the woman of his dreams, with his two best friends by his side. Which leaves Ricky out again. “Time to do the job I asked you to do,” Rosa says. Ricky smiles. Seriously, what madness is Ricky about to unleash!?

 

Famous B is in the ring, to preside of the Slam Town Wedding!

Please welcome the minister of tonight’s ceremony: himself! And as a reminder, he can minister your wedding and bring Texano and Dr. Wagner as bonus guests. Just call 423-Get-Fame! But to the ceremony. Famous B introduces PJ Black, The Best Man Joey Wrestling, and the groom himself, Johnny Mundo! The three of them enter the ring to a standing ovation. And accompanied by bridesmaid Cheerleader Melissa and maid of honor Beautiful Brenda, it’s the bride, Taya! They come down the stairs, and Brenda has to be careful not to trip in her heels. Here Comes the Bride~! Taya Valkyrie wears a silver and lime green wedding dress and ring gear. The rest of this ceremony, after the break.

But wait. Ricky sets his scheme in motion. Just do it, Ricky. “Give Johnny & Taya a wedding gift they will never forget. Do it, you coward!!” Ricky has bolt cutters, and uses them to cut open the lock, on Matanza’s room!? The Monster God is coming to crash the wedding in the worst way possible!!

Lucha Underground returns as the entire wedding party stands in the ring and Famous B begins his speech. We are here tonight to join this Sexy Man and this Perfect Woman in matrimony. Before Famous B begins, is there anyone here tonight that has any reason these two should “fine-ass people” not be wed? Or forever hold your peace. “Hold on, hold on.” Antonio Cueto speaks up? He didn’t come out to object. He likes these two. That’s sweet of him to say. But before it’s official, he has a wedding gift, “from my family to yours.” Well, okay… What is it? “Ring the bell.” Huh? Is this a match? No, just bringing out catering. Tacos for everyone! Believers chant “We Want Tacos!” Antonio congratulates the happy couple and heads back to his office.

Famous B continues the ceremony for “John Edward Mundo”–yes, he’s actually John E. Mundo–and Taya Valkyrie. Taya has vows she would like to say. She loves Mundo more than she loves fluffy puppies, kneeing people in the face and beheading giant snake men. She can’t wait to be tag team partners for life. And even without gold around that tight waist of his, he’ll always be the Champion of Her Heart. “And tonight, we’re gonna put the slam in Slam Town.” Famous B wipes a tear away as Mundo says his vows.

“Taya, never in my wildest dreams did I imagine meeting anyone as tanned, ripped and attractive as I am. But then I found you.” He loves her more than his own reflection, and that’s a lot. Mundo always thought the best day of his life was when he won the Lucha Underground Championship, but not anymore. Today is the best day of his life. His heart is the most epic muscle in his body, and it belongs to her. He can’t wait to buy a house with a white picket fence in Slam Town and begin his life with her. Taya is truly the perfect woman, and now she is his perfect wife. Fans applaud this both touching and narcissistic vow exchange.

Famous B therefore asks, does Mundo take Taya to be his lawfully wedded wife, until death do you part? “I do.” And Famous B asks Taya the same. “Si.” Now the presentation of the rings. Ricky and Rosa finally appear, only slightly bringing the mood down. Famous B wants the rings, not the stupid doll. Ricky hands them over, and Famous B says for him to git. No, not in the ring, get out. Another mood killer, but Famous B presents the rings that represent ever-lasting love between man and wife. “With this ring, I thee wed.” Mundo places a ring on Taya’s finger. “With this ring, I thee wed.” Taya places a ring on Mundo’s finger.

Famous B, by the power of the Ancient Aztec Gods of the Temple, “let no man ever tear apart”, and by the power vested in him by the state of California, he now pronounces them Man and– Oh snap it’s Matanza! PJ, Mundo and Joey go after Matanza but are all blasted away. Mantanza runs through them, but Tana goes after him only to get a headbutt. Brenda faints with just a glare, but Melissa fires off. Only to get Wrath of the Gods! Famous B is a sitting duck quite literally in his wheelchair. Matanza lifts him AND the chair, for another Wrath of the Gods!! Fans are losing their minds as PJ tries to stop Mantaza. Matanza choke slams PJ through the catering!

Mundo comforts Taya as she’s distraught over her night being ruined. Mundo sees the blood on Taya’s face, from that headbutt Matanza gave her. He’s furious now as he runs at Matanza, only to get more of the same. Ricky laughs?! Matanza blocks the kick, to throw Mundo with an exploder OUT of the ring and through a table! Taya crawls away, blood pouring down. Matanza stalks her like a horror movie. Fans boo, this was supposed to be a happy occasion. But Taya unleashes her own rage! She fires away on Matanza, tearing away her wedding dress. But she gets WRATH OF THE GODS!! Ricky is ecstatic, his and Rosa’s plan is going better than they expected.

Matanza drags Taya around, and takes aim at the wedding cake. Fans chant “Not the cake!”, hoping he’d spare the best part of the reception, but no such luck. He drags Taya up, for a CHOKE SLAM THROUGH THE CAKE!! The wedding is ruined and the wedding party is laid to waste. At least they still have the honey moon…

 


 

My Thoughts:

A pretty fun time for Lucha Underground’s first and probably last wedding special. I was a bit surprised that Drago lost but I suppose it is too soon for Jake Strong to lose. Maybe it’ll be a handicap match against Aerostar & Drago where Strong loses his first match. Then that No Mas match was really something. I had a feeling XO would have to escalate his own aggression to match Jack’s, and wow I did not think they’d let that F-Bomb through. I also had a feeling Jack would try to bring things to a scary level, but thankfully we got Ivelisse and a now Face Joey Ryan helping save XO and helping him get the win. Jack literally crawls away, but I have a feeling he’s far from through with XO and his new friends.

The story of the Worldwide Underground wedding was really great. Seeing Joey “Wrestling” Mercury is a great surprise, I didn’t expect him to show up. Then there’s an element of Ricky’s story that’s slightly sympathetic. He just wants to be with the “cool kids” but they treat him so badly that you understand he’d want to show them up. However, that’s when the sympathy stops because he turns into the weird crazy kid who resorts to “killing” their manager like he did last week, then unleashing an even more bloodthirsty beast upon them. Ricky was laughing now, but if anyone finds out he’s the reason Matanza got out, he’ll have to face the consequences. Though thankfully, no one was sacrificed to the gods, because the bell did ring after all.

My Score: 8/10


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