After a two week hiatus and nearly going out of business, TNA is back with all new action. We’re going to crown new NWA Tag Team Champions, Jerry Lynn will have the chance of a lifetime against Ron Killings, Styles and Kash will face off in a dream match and much more! So let’s see how things are going!
Goldylocks welcomes us to the show and lets us know that we’ll be having a Gauntlet for the Gold match to determine the new Tag Team Champions. Joining her is Scott Hall, who will be joining the tag team tournament. Hall’s in a good mood and, unlike a lot of wrestlers, doesn’t give Goldy crap when she brings up when things didn’t go well for him. He says that he’s not done with Jarrett, but right now, he’s buzzed about the Tag Team Tournament because he’s got a great partner to go for the gold with: Sean Waltman, aka 1-2-3 Kid/Syxx/X-Pac. Waltman looks great and like he’s put on some muscles. Waltman apologizes for not wanting to talk to Goldy, saying that he and Hall have catching up to do.
(Take note other TNA wrestlers: You don’t have to be a dick towards a woman to be cool!)
Tenay and West give us a rundown of tonight’s card. I hate West’s UGLY shirt. The crowd is jazzed about TNA being back. We’re also getting a champion vs champion match: Jerry Lynn vs Ron Killings. If Jerry Lynn wins, he’ll be TNA’s first Triple Crown Winner. For some unknown reason, Dustin Diamond from ‘Saved by the Bell’ is going to be here. We’re also hoping to find out who the masked Bullet is.
We see a video of Brian Lawler yelling at Goldy to not talk to him, even though she wasn’t, because he’s waiting on someone, who turns out to be Jarrett, who is not in the mood. He ‘slams’ his rolling suitcase into Lawler before anything really starts and tells him enough! He never touched Lawler’s girlfriend. Jarrett seems to be genuinely trying to talk some sense into Lawler but Lawler isn’t listening.
In real time, Jarrett’s in the ring and he’s done playing around. Jarrett’s done with Bob Armstrong’s BS, he’s going to unmask the masked Bullet one way or another, or Bob’s going to get his Depends beaten off. (Ew)
When Armstrong doesn’t appear, Jarrett makes good on his threat. He manages to grab Armstrong but is waylaid by the Blank. After a brief brawl, the Blank, who is unsurprisingly revealed to be Brian Armstrong, aka, The Road Dogg Jesse James. What’s the youngest of the Armstrong brood doing here? Well, for one, he doesn’t appreciate Jarrett attacking his father, Bob, and for another, he blames Jarrett for the ‘career suicide’ Dogg performed when he walked out of WWE. Apparently, even joining DX and having great runs as tag champion, and Hardcore Champion wasn’t enough and now Dogg is here to even the score. Jarrett seems even less impressed with this than I am. James also announces that he will find himself a tag partner and join Gauntlet for the Gold.
Backstage, Goldylocks is with two-thirds of the Flying Elvises and it seems that Sonny Siaki has had a change of heart. The last two weeks have shown him that it’s not all about him and that the Flying Elvises will be part of Gauntlet for the Gold and that he’s cheering for Jerry Lynn to capture the NWA Championship from Ron Killings.
AJ Styles vs Kid Kash: Kid Kash gets a minimal pop, as does Styles, which is odd, or it could be that the audio on my computer is bad. Styles cuts a pre-match promo, trashing Siaki’s comments, saying that the only thing supporting Lynn is Lynn’s jockstrap. Like last week, he promised Lynn that their issues aren’t over.
This match was really good. Even though both competitors were technically heels, the match more than made up for it. There were plenty of high spots and plenty of mat wrestling. This match really had it all, depending on your tastes.
Styles would pick up the victory after a Styles Clash off the second rope. The crowd gives both guys a standing ovation for a really great match.
Winner: AJ Styles by pinfall.
Comment: I have a feeling this will be the highlight of the evening.
We go back to Goldylocks who is interviewing a familiar face: Marcus Bagwell, who was last seen walking out of TNA having relinquished his ‘Buff’ name after a disappointing loss in the first tag team tournament. When asked about why he was there, Bagwell said that ‘Buff’ Bagwell has gotten a lot opportunities, but he’s here for a second chance and to show what Marcus Alexander Bagwell can do.
As he’s talking, he’s approached by Road Dogg, who was liking what he was hearing and offers Bagwell the chance he was looking for: Join Road Dogg in the Tag Team Gauntlet for the Gold. Bagwell accepts, and we have manly hugging. Isn’t it lovely?
At ringside, Jeremy Borash introduces our celebrity guest: Dustin Diamond, aka, Screech from Saved by the Bell. Apparently, Dustin was involved in a celebrity boxing thing and now thinks he’s the next Mike Tyson. He starts challenging people at ringside to a match before West puts for the idea Tiny, the Timekeeper, who is a big guy with no muscle tone. Tiny agrees and we’ve got ourselves a trainwreck…er, a match!
Backstage, Goldy has her hands full with the Hot Shots, who apparently aren’t a part of the Gauntlet for the Gold Match. According to the Hot Shots, they, very generously, gave up their spot so younger guys could have a chance. According to Goldylocks, they aren’t in because they’re the 10th ranked team and didn’t make the cut. The Hot Shots aren’t happy with being exposed and storm off. As they’re leaving, Goldy is approached by Disco Inferno, who is looking for Brian Lawler. Goldy tells him that it’s not her night to watch Lawler, so she hasn’t seen him. Disco apparently missed the Outsiders’ lesson that being a dick to women doesn’t make you cool and insults Goldy before storming off.
Boxing Match: Dustin Diamond vs Tiny the Time Keeper
This match is happening, not sure why. Three one minute matches, Marquis of Queensbury and all that. This was a trainwreck that Diamond won in less than a minute.
Winner: Dustin Diamond by KO.
Comment: That happened.
Jimmy Rave/Wylde vs Ace Steele/CM Punk vs Hot Shots
Jimmy Rave and Wylde are out first to little reaction, as are Punk and Steele. Punk has bleached blonde hair. Hot Shots get no reaction either, despite their early 90s inspired tangerine tights. We get a little clarification on Goldy’s comments: While Hot Shots weren’t originally in Gauntlet for the Gold, if they win this Triple Threat Match, they will be in. The rules are a little odd, it’s a Triple Threat, but whichever team is pinned is the only one that will be eliminated from Gauntlet for the Gold, the other two teams will advance.
This match was actually pretty good. I always like seeing future big stars when they’re first starting out, even if it’s someone I can’t stand, like CM Punk.
Hot Shots lived up to their name as the arrogant heels of this thing, which ended up costing them after Rave hit his version of the Gory Special on Cassidy. According to the rules, Rave/Wylde and Steele/Punk both advance to the Gauntlet for the Gold.
Winner: Rave/Wylde, Steele/Punk.
Comment: This was one of those instances of making things overly complicated.