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Opinion

Why The Sixth Move Of Doom Works

WWE’s Super Show-Down event in Melbourne, Australia was notable for a number of things. Among the most talked about was the return of John Cena to WWE competition. Two things about Cena had the WWE Universe buzzing:

1. His JBL-style haircut.

2. The move he used to win the match.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SKPayycxULI

Some call it the Lightning Fist/Punch. Corey Graves calls it…I don’t know what he said there. I assume its some video game reference that people will yell at me for not getting. It’s most popularly known as THE SIXTH MOVE OF DOOM. See, because Cena only knew five wrestling moves and wanted to add another one to his repetoire. He knows he’s not getting any younger, and these kids coming up to the show know everything there is to know about his strengths & weaknesses.

If you’re anything like me, your reaction the first time you saw it was something along the lines of “WUT DA HAIL?”. People thought the Attitude Adjustment was lame, but this takes things to a whole new level. We know John Cena’s demographic is the under-12 crowd, but even they can’t buy into this foolishness, right?

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Right?

I decided to look into whether or not the Sixth Move of Doom could possibly be an effective finisher. The best way I could think of to find out would be to ask a doctor familiar with the art of pro wrestling. Since Dr. Brittany Baker, D.M.D. wouldn’t return my calls, I contacted my good friend Matthew J. Nutkowski, who has a doctorate in Wrestling Finishers. I wish I knew that field of study existed in my college days. Anyway, he had some answers to the issues I had with Cena’s new wrestling move.

First of all, what’s with the weird X thing he does? It looks like he’s signaling an injury to the back.

“That’s simple to explain. Have you ever watched wrestling before? Wrestlers draw on forces presented to them by their fans all the time. Hulk hulked up. Jerry pulled down the strap. John Cena is signaling for the X-Factor.

When these wrestlers do this, their effectiveness goes up several notches.”

OK, but explain the punch to me. It doesn’t even look like it connects with the guy.

It connects in right the just place. If you take a closer look, Cena’s punch connects with Elias’s right temple. I know you’re a baseball fan, so you remember Ray Chapman. The shortstop for the Cleveland Indians was killed in 1920 when a pitch from Carl Mays struck him in the left temple. He’s still the only Major League Baseball player to die during a game. Cena is a die-hard sports fan that knows the story well. He knows how dangerous a blow to the temple can be. It doesn’t take much to be effective.

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I guess. What the heck was Graves yelling about?

Shandian Quantou is Mandarin for Lightning Fist.

Ah, ok. Cena’s been shooting a movie with Jackie Chan, right?

Of course, which is another aspect of the situation. The move goes back centuries in China. Many of their greatest fighters have used it, including Mr. Chan. Cena learned the move during the process of filming, and figured it would be useful in a WWE ring.

And it doesn’t hurt that China is a market WWE wants to get deeper into. Cena would be smart to ingratiate himself with those folks.

Now you’re getting it!

Indeed. ALL HAIL THE SIXTH MOVE OF DOOM. If anything else wins Move of the Year it’ll be complete insanity.

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