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Chris Platt’s NJPW Wrestle Kingdom 13 Diary

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Kenny Omega NJPW WrestleKingdom 13

Chairshot Radio personality Christopher Platt brings you his diary of New Japan WrestleKingdom 13! Follow along and see how the show struck him.

Greetings & Salutations. It’s your man, Mr. Velvet Pipes and novice New Japan watcher, giving you a running diary of Wrestle Kingdom 13!

NEVER Openweight Championship: Kota Ibushi (c) vs Will Ospreay

  • Tonight’s festivities are kicking off with Will Ospreay facing Kota Ibushi
  • These are two of my favorites in the world to watch inside a ring & two of the best in the world period
  • Good to see Ospreay’s neck still in place
  • Ibushi has the Ric Flair circa NWO Nitro haircut
  • Does every NJPW match have to have the dick measuring, forearm spot in the middle of the ring?
  • Damn, that knee Will took was something else
  • BTW, Kevin Kelley is doing his best Michael Cole impersonation on commentary
  • There you go Will! A Melonfarmer naught gonna keep slapping me in the face without getting kicked in the face
  • Kota looking like Koba from Planet of the Apes
  • Damn good match
  • There’s only so much of a push you can expect for Ibushi considering how he doesn’t want to sign long-term with anyone
  • Kota doing the stretcher job
  • Ospreay is the future of this industry
  • If he can find a way to not break his neck, add 20 lbs, and maintain his agility, he’ll be a main eventer anywhere in the world

IWGP Jr Heavyweight Tag Team Titles: Roppongi 3k vs Shingo Takagi & BUSHI vs Yoshinobu Kanemaru & El Desperado(c)

  • Next up we have the boy band known as Roppongi 3k vs Kanwmru & El Desperado vs BUSHI & Shingo Takagi for the IWGP Jr Tag Team Titles
  • I gotta admit, nobody does pomp and circumstance like NJPW. Americans could learn a lot from them. There’s only so many nondescript white guys in plan trunks doing flipping shit you can see
  • Nothing wrong with adding sizzle to the steak
  • Chico El Luchador >Rocky Romero
  • This brother has a Japanese mullet
  • Sho looks like a tan Justin Bieber
  • Hell of a clothesline
  • Is that Jushin on commentary?
  • Mulletman picks up the win for his squad.
  • Word to the wise…don’t fight a man with a mullet or jheri curl in 2018
  • The Boy Band mad they lost their belts… you can only be so tough looking like a boy band
  • NJPW going to LA to Charlotte to Nashville…that’s like going from Ruth’s Chris, to Waffle House, to gas station taquitos

Rev Pro Undisputed British Heavyweight Title: Zack Sabre Jr vs Tomohiro Ishii (c)

  • ZSJ give me Alex Wright vibes
  • ZSJ looks like the lost member of Cobra Kai
  • Sweep the leg Zack!
  • Thus far, everyone’s hair on the show looks like they stop seeing American tv in 1999
  • Ishii left his neck at home for tonight’s festivities.
  • ZSJ and Roderick Strong should have a winner is the next Superman match
  • Is Ishii a bear or pit pull Kevin Kelley cause that’s quite a difference
  • ZSJ looks like me in tighty whiteys..with a slightly bigger bulge
  • I mean me with the bigger bulge
  • All jokes aside, Michael Phelps is a damn good wrestler
  • I meant ZSJ
  • ZSJ wins British Heavyweight title in a decent match
  • Just hard to believe a giraffe could beat rhinoceros

IWGP Heavyweight Tag Championships: EVIL & SANADA vs The Young Bucks vs Guerillas of Destiny (c)

  • Up next The Young Bucks (maybe the best team in the world) vs Evil and Sanada vs Guerillas of Destiny for the IWGP tag titles
  • “The Good Guy” Tama Tanga!
  • The Tanga’s dad could beat up everybody in the ring at the same damn time
  • I wasn’t the biggest Bucks fan but they showed me something in 2018
  • Evil’s a bad ass
  • Train wreck of a match but I can dig it!
  • Gotta be a plus going through such a cutthroat industry with your brother
  • Evil and Sanda pick up the win a good frenetic paced tag match

IWGP US Heavyweight Title: Cody (c) vs Juice Robinson

  • My main man Juice Robinson is up next facing Cody
  • Juice has all the tools:  charisma, the look, and good enough in the ring to be a huge star
  • Shout out to Cody for having the hottest chick in the game
  • Cody and Brandi rocking the Jaguar colors
  • Pure coincidence I’m sure
  • What are the odds we see Dustin Rhodes in AEW in some capacity?
  • Cody and Brandi are legit one of the hottest acts in the game
  • Side note: Pump Friction was the name I gave to the porno I’d show young ladies back at the dorm in college
  • Juice won. Wow…didn’t see that coming (note the sarcasm)

IWGP Jr Heavyweight Title: Kushida (c) vs Taiji Ishimori

  • Now we have Kushida vs Taiji Ishimori
  • I don’t know about you but I have a strong craving for top ramen right now
  • Shout out to Doc Brown and Marty McFly
  • Oh my God he killed a kid!
  • The rest of this article is dedicated to that kid that got blown up
  • I don’t wanna hear any of you lames saying WWE has too many titles when every match on this card has been for a title thus far
  • In terms of in ring product, pro wrestling is at an all-time high; I still miss legit stars though
  • If you’ll excuse me, this appears to be the smoke break match
  • And yet another title change. Can’t lie, all these title changes have been surprising. It’s almost as if New Japan is preparing for a mass exodus or something

Kazuchika Okada vs Jay White

  • Now we have Okada vs Jay White
  • Okada has been living his best life since losing the heavyweight title
  • He seems to be having a lot more fun wrestling
  • New Japan has strapped the rocket to Jay White’s back and he’s delivered
  • He’s delivered more than I thought he could and is heading towards being a legit main eventer
  • Jay White is the correct moniker…only thing more fitting is Jay Casper
  • Okada’s so damn good in the ring
  • Wow. Don Callis quoting Lex Luger
  • He made up for it by calling Gedo a human wood tick. Classic
  • I do like that NJPW makes wins and loses count. There’s something to that
  • Okada throws a pretty legit flying elbow
  • Excellent heel work by Jay White in this bout
  • The crowd is into it for really the first time this evening
  • That’s a testament to both Okada being the man and Jay White’s heel persona
  • Good match with Jay White picking up the win.
  • Honestly thought this one could have used a little more time
  • It appears New Japan is basically using the Tanahashi story for Okada

No Disqualification IWGP Intercontinental Championship: Tetsuya Naito vs Chris Jericho (c)

  • The ‘Best in the World’ Chris Jericho puts his Intercontinental Title on the line vs Naito
  • Naito looking like a cross between ‘Saturday Night Fever’ and ‘Eyes Wide Shut’
  • Seriously Japan, I dig the pageantry, but let’s get y’all some tapes from this millennium
  • Coming to the ring with your band’s music = GOAT status
  • Jericho dressed like the Legion of Marcel Marceau
  • Red Shoes!
  • Shout out to Y2J representing for all the dad bods out there
  • Vintage Jericho with the springboard dropkick
  • I think Naito just lost a couple of inches
  • Jericho is teaching a master’s class on being a heel tonight
  • Naito is really good as well
  • He oozes charisma and is doing a great job playing the sympathetic babyface
  • The announcers are doing a good job of playing up how big of a deal Jericho is
  • I love how the Boston Crab has become the Walls of Jericho
  • The crowd is really into this one
  • Got em!
  • Kick out!
  • Naito with the Codebreaker!
  • This is the hottest the crowd has been all night
  • German on the chair!
  • LOL Callis with the ‘Japanese two’
  • They’re starting to pick up the pace
  • Match of the night thus far!
  • Both men played their parts well and the No DQ stip really helped
  • The gaga helped a veteran Jericho who doesn’t has fastball any more tell an entertaining story
  • Well played by both men

IWGP Heavyweight Championship: Kenny Omega (c) vs Hiroshi Tanahashi

  • Now we have our main event with Omega defending his World Heavyweight Title vs Tanahashi
  • New Japan has done an excellent job of telling the Tanahshi road to redemption story
  • The outcome of this match will tell us quite a bit about the immediate future of pro wrestling
  • Apparently, Omega killed an eagle on his way to the ring
  • Wonder how the lack of his ‘partner’ at ringside will affect Kenny
  • There’s a definite big fight feel that’s coming through the tv
  • Is Kenny the best big match wrestler in the game?
  • I’d really like to see Omega wrestle Ricochet or AJ Styles
  • I’d like to see Tanhashi versus Cena or Pentagon Jr
  • Omega playing the good cocky heel
  • Callus having a good night on the stick
  • Tanahashi’s chest looks like hamburger meat
  • Red Shoes!
  • Kenny tweaked his knee
  • Tanahashi tweaked Kenny’s knee
  • That cloverleaf gotta hurt in real life
  • Styles Clash!
  • Damn! That sounds like it hurt
  • Which one goes through the table?
  • Welp. Asked and answered
  • Oh shit! I don’t know how you fake some of this stuff
  • Here we go with the dick check….but they’ve earned it
  • They been wrestling for a minute now
  • I hate to agreed with Ballz and Meltzer but this is a damn good match
  • Hell of a reverse of the one winged angel
  • The crowd is bananas
  • Omega kicked out of 2 consecutive frog splashes
  • DRGAON SUPLEX OFF THE TOPPPPPP!
  • And the crowd goes wild!
  • Tanahashi picks up the win
  • Which pretty much means Kenny’s going to All Elite
  • Overall the show started off strong, lagged in the middle, but pick up steam in the last 2 matches
  • Omega/Tanahashi did the damn thing. Match of the night, and set the bar high for the rest of the year

Overall

  • Somewhat of a transitional show, with a a lot of theoretical moving parts
  • But if you’re a wrestling fan, I recommend you checking it out
  • I give the show overall a 7/10


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