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Chris Platt’s NJPW Wrestle Kingdom 13 Diary



Kenny Omega NJPW WrestleKingdom 13

Chairshot Radio personality Christopher Platt brings you his diary of New Japan WrestleKingdom 13! Follow along and see how the show struck him.

Greetings & Salutations. It’s your man, Mr. Velvet Pipes and novice New Japan watcher, giving you a running diary of Wrestle Kingdom 13!

NEVER Openweight Championship: Kota Ibushi (c) vs Will Ospreay

  • Tonight’s festivities are kicking off with Will Ospreay facing Kota Ibushi
  • These are two of my favorites in the world to watch inside a ring & two of the best in the world period
  • Good to see Ospreay’s neck still in place
  • Ibushi has the Ric Flair circa NWO Nitro haircut
  • Does every NJPW match have to have the dick measuring, forearm spot in the middle of the ring?
  • Damn, that knee Will took was something else
  • BTW, Kevin Kelley is doing his best Michael Cole impersonation on commentary
  • There you go Will! A Melonfarmer naught gonna keep slapping me in the face without getting kicked in the face
  • Kota looking like Koba from Planet of the Apes
  • Damn good match
  • There’s only so much of a push you can expect for Ibushi considering how he doesn’t want to sign long-term with anyone
  • Kota doing the stretcher job
  • Ospreay is the future of this industry
  • If he can find a way to not break his neck, add 20 lbs, and maintain his agility, he’ll be a main eventer anywhere in the world

IWGP Jr Heavyweight Tag Team Titles: Roppongi 3k vs Shingo Takagi & BUSHI vs Yoshinobu Kanemaru & El Desperado(c)

  • Next up we have the boy band known as Roppongi 3k vs Kanwmru & El Desperado vs BUSHI & Shingo Takagi for the IWGP Jr Tag Team Titles
  • I gotta admit, nobody does pomp and circumstance like NJPW. Americans could learn a lot from them. There’s only so many nondescript white guys in plan trunks doing flipping shit you can see
  • Nothing wrong with adding sizzle to the steak
  • Chico El Luchador >Rocky Romero
  • This brother has a Japanese mullet
  • Sho looks like a tan Justin Bieber
  • Hell of a clothesline
  • Is that Jushin on commentary?
  • Mulletman picks up the win for his squad.
  • Word to the wise…don’t fight a man with a mullet or jheri curl in 2018
  • The Boy Band mad they lost their belts… you can only be so tough looking like a boy band
  • NJPW going to LA to Charlotte to Nashville…that’s like going from Ruth’s Chris, to Waffle House, to gas station taquitos

Rev Pro Undisputed British Heavyweight Title: Zack Sabre Jr vs Tomohiro Ishii (c)

  • ZSJ give me Alex Wright vibes
  • ZSJ looks like the lost member of Cobra Kai
  • Sweep the leg Zack!
  • Thus far, everyone’s hair on the show looks like they stop seeing American tv in 1999
  • Ishii left his neck at home for tonight’s festivities.
  • ZSJ and Roderick Strong should have a winner is the next Superman match
  • Is Ishii a bear or pit pull Kevin Kelley cause that’s quite a difference
  • ZSJ looks like me in tighty whiteys..with a slightly bigger bulge
  • I mean me with the bigger bulge
  • All jokes aside, Michael Phelps is a damn good wrestler
  • I meant ZSJ
  • ZSJ wins British Heavyweight title in a decent match
  • Just hard to believe a giraffe could beat rhinoceros

IWGP Heavyweight Tag Championships: EVIL & SANADA vs The Young Bucks vs Guerillas of Destiny (c)

  • Up next The Young Bucks (maybe the best team in the world) vs Evil and Sanada vs Guerillas of Destiny for the IWGP tag titles
  • “The Good Guy” Tama Tanga!
  • The Tanga’s dad could beat up everybody in the ring at the same damn time
  • I wasn’t the biggest Bucks fan but they showed me something in 2018
  • Evil’s a bad ass
  • Train wreck of a match but I can dig it!
  • Gotta be a plus going through such a cutthroat industry with your brother
  • Evil and Sanda pick up the win a good frenetic paced tag match

IWGP US Heavyweight Title: Cody (c) vs Juice Robinson

  • My main man Juice Robinson is up next facing Cody
  • Juice has all the tools:  charisma, the look, and good enough in the ring to be a huge star
  • Shout out to Cody for having the hottest chick in the game
  • Cody and Brandi rocking the Jaguar colors
  • Pure coincidence I’m sure
  • What are the odds we see Dustin Rhodes in AEW in some capacity?
  • Cody and Brandi are legit one of the hottest acts in the game
  • Side note: Pump Friction was the name I gave to the porno I’d show young ladies back at the dorm in college
  • Juice won. Wow…didn’t see that coming (note the sarcasm)

IWGP Jr Heavyweight Title: Kushida (c) vs Taiji Ishimori

  • Now we have Kushida vs Taiji Ishimori
  • I don’t know about you but I have a strong craving for top ramen right now
  • Shout out to Doc Brown and Marty McFly
  • Oh my God he killed a kid!
  • The rest of this article is dedicated to that kid that got blown up
  • I don’t wanna hear any of you lames saying WWE has too many titles when every match on this card has been for a title thus far
  • In terms of in ring product, pro wrestling is at an all-time high; I still miss legit stars though
  • If you’ll excuse me, this appears to be the smoke break match
  • And yet another title change. Can’t lie, all these title changes have been surprising. It’s almost as if New Japan is preparing for a mass exodus or something

Kazuchika Okada vs Jay White

  • Now we have Okada vs Jay White
  • Okada has been living his best life since losing the heavyweight title
  • He seems to be having a lot more fun wrestling
  • New Japan has strapped the rocket to Jay White’s back and he’s delivered
  • He’s delivered more than I thought he could and is heading towards being a legit main eventer
  • Jay White is the correct moniker…only thing more fitting is Jay Casper
  • Okada’s so damn good in the ring
  • Wow. Don Callis quoting Lex Luger
  • He made up for it by calling Gedo a human wood tick. Classic
  • I do like that NJPW makes wins and loses count. There’s something to that
  • Okada throws a pretty legit flying elbow
  • Excellent heel work by Jay White in this bout
  • The crowd is into it for really the first time this evening
  • That’s a testament to both Okada being the man and Jay White’s heel persona
  • Good match with Jay White picking up the win.
  • Honestly thought this one could have used a little more time
  • It appears New Japan is basically using the Tanahashi story for Okada

No Disqualification IWGP Intercontinental Championship: Tetsuya Naito vs Chris Jericho (c)

  • The ‘Best in the World’ Chris Jericho puts his Intercontinental Title on the line vs Naito
  • Naito looking like a cross between ‘Saturday Night Fever’ and ‘Eyes Wide Shut’
  • Seriously Japan, I dig the pageantry, but let’s get y’all some tapes from this millennium
  • Coming to the ring with your band’s music = GOAT status
  • Jericho dressed like the Legion of Marcel Marceau
  • Red Shoes!
  • Shout out to Y2J representing for all the dad bods out there
  • Vintage Jericho with the springboard dropkick
  • I think Naito just lost a couple of inches
  • Jericho is teaching a master’s class on being a heel tonight
  • Naito is really good as well
  • He oozes charisma and is doing a great job playing the sympathetic babyface
  • The announcers are doing a good job of playing up how big of a deal Jericho is
  • I love how the Boston Crab has become the Walls of Jericho
  • The crowd is really into this one
  • Got em!
  • Kick out!
  • Naito with the Codebreaker!
  • This is the hottest the crowd has been all night
  • German on the chair!
  • LOL Callis with the ‘Japanese two’
  • They’re starting to pick up the pace
  • Match of the night thus far!
  • Both men played their parts well and the No DQ stip really helped
  • The gaga helped a veteran Jericho who doesn’t has fastball any more tell an entertaining story
  • Well played by both men

IWGP Heavyweight Championship: Kenny Omega (c) vs Hiroshi Tanahashi

  • Now we have our main event with Omega defending his World Heavyweight Title vs Tanahashi
  • New Japan has done an excellent job of telling the Tanahshi road to redemption story
  • The outcome of this match will tell us quite a bit about the immediate future of pro wrestling
  • Apparently, Omega killed an eagle on his way to the ring
  • Wonder how the lack of his ‘partner’ at ringside will affect Kenny
  • There’s a definite big fight feel that’s coming through the tv
  • Is Kenny the best big match wrestler in the game?
  • I’d really like to see Omega wrestle Ricochet or AJ Styles
  • I’d like to see Tanhashi versus Cena or Pentagon Jr
  • Omega playing the good cocky heel
  • Callus having a good night on the stick
  • Tanahashi’s chest looks like hamburger meat
  • Red Shoes!
  • Kenny tweaked his knee
  • Tanahashi tweaked Kenny’s knee
  • That cloverleaf gotta hurt in real life
  • Styles Clash!
  • Damn! That sounds like it hurt
  • Which one goes through the table?
  • Welp. Asked and answered
  • Oh shit! I don’t know how you fake some of this stuff
  • Here we go with the dick check….but they’ve earned it
  • They been wrestling for a minute now
  • I hate to agreed with Ballz and Meltzer but this is a damn good match
  • Hell of a reverse of the one winged angel
  • The crowd is bananas
  • Omega kicked out of 2 consecutive frog splashes
  • And the crowd goes wild!
  • Tanahashi picks up the win
  • Which pretty much means Kenny’s going to All Elite
  • Overall the show started off strong, lagged in the middle, but pick up steam in the last 2 matches
  • Omega/Tanahashi did the damn thing. Match of the night, and set the bar high for the rest of the year


  • Somewhat of a transitional show, with a a lot of theoretical moving parts
  • But if you’re a wrestling fan, I recommend you checking it out
  • I give the show overall a 7/10

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