Maria Kanellis is having another baby! Mike asked how it was possible, and Steve Cook is here to present to you his Top 5 Potential Baby Daddies for Maria.
Monday night’s episode of Raw was pretty news-worthy. The first show to take place since Paul Heyman was named Executive Director may not have been completely written by him, but there were some segments that definitely seemed right up his alley.
None moreso than the mixed tag team match pitting Mike & Maria Kanellis against Seth Rollins & Becky Lynch. Watch this promo from Maria and tell me it wouldn’t have fit right in ECW’s glory days.
Maria announced she was pregnant, verbally tore her husband’s manhood off, and I think she revealed that she had feelings for Becky. That’s like 3 ECW main event feuds rolled into one.
The question I have is this: If Mike Kanellis isn’t man enough to impregnate his wife Maria, who did it? We all know it wasn’t Becky, much to Maria’s dismay. Here are my top 5 culprits…
5. CM Punk
During his time in pro wrestling, there wasn’t a man with more notches in the bedpost than CM Punk. Name a female wrestler from that era, and there’s a really good chance they were connected to him at some point. Some guys just have it, right? They didn’t call him Chick Magnet Punk for nothing.
There is 0% chance of CM Punk being the father of Maria’s baby. I’m just contractually obligated to mention his possible return at any opportunity. Even though it’s never happening.
4. The Hand
Let’s be honest: A “Who’s The Father” storyline always has a high likelihood of diving into the WrestleCrap section of things. See: Kurt Angle & Jason Jordan. (Don’t tell me “But Jason’s neck injury”. That thing wasn’t going anywhere anyway.) Why not go all in with the goofiness and do a callback to WWE’s stupidest storyline of all time?
Mae Young & Mark Henry’s hand is 19 right now. Mike is three years younger than Maria, so maybe that’s something Maria’s into?
3. Dolph Ziggler
Dolph is one of the ladies’ men of WWE. On-screen he’s been with Vickie Guerrero, AJ Lee, Kaitlyn & Lana. We know he was with Nikki Bella off-screen, the Internet tells me that he & Dana Brooke are a thing, and I seem to remember him hooking up with Sunny one time. He’s in the age group where that was a boyhood dream.
Ziggler’s first on-screen relationship was with none other than Maria. They had a brief fling on 2009 SmackDown which ended when Dolph repeatedly failed to win the Intercontinental Championship. Oh and there was probably some cheating involved. It’s been a decade though, more than enough time for Maria to forgive & forget.
If nothing else, Dolph needs to come out on Raw & complain how “IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN MINE”.
2. John Cena
Cena & Maria crossed paths when Maria was a naive backstage interviewer & Cena was in the early stages of Being John Cena. Maria made the mistake of getting Raw General Manager Eric Bischoff mad at her, so Eric kept booking her in matches in early 2006. One was a mixed tag with Maria & Cena against Edge & Lita. Here’s how they got ready for the match:
Now, Maria & Cena never ended up having a relationship after this. They kept doing their things. But you’re telling me there wasn’t some kind of heat there? Come on now. Cena & Maria had more heat together than Seth & Becky could hope to. John’s a busy man, but I have the feeling he could make some time for an old friend. John has no interest in being a father, but Mike could take care of that! It all makes sense.
Honorable Mention: Mike Kanellis
Hey, maybe Maria was wrong & Mike slipped one past the goalie.
1. ADAM COLE BAY BAY
The Kingdom is still a thing in Ring of Honor, but most of us stopped caring about it after all of the original members left. Mike & Maria were there alongside their mentor Matt Hardy, and their leader, Adam Cole.
There’s a reason Cole was the leader of the group and eventual ROH World Champion instead of Mike. Maria knows that. Who’s to say she didn’t take a visit to the Performance Center, or meet up with Adam on one of those Takeover/PPV weekends? I’m sure we’d prefer a better way for Adam Cole to debut on the main roster, but this would give him something to do right at the start. After steamrolling Mike, the sky would be the limit.
That, as the kids say, is undisputed.
Chris’s WWE 205 Live Grades & Analysis 7/16/19
At Extreme Rules, The New Drew Gulak successfully retained his Cruiserweight Championship against The Premier Athlete Tony Nese. Who will be his next victim and challenger for his title?
At Extreme Rules, The New Drew Gulak successfully retained his Cruiserweight Championship against The Premier Athlete Tony Nese. Who will be his next victim and challenger for his title?
Chris’s Grades For 205 Live:
- Akira Tozawa vs. Samir Singh
Winner: Akira Tozawa–C
- Mike Kanellis vs. Jackson James Winner: Mike Kanellis–B
- Chad Gable vs. Jack Gallagher II Winner: Chad Gable–A+
The show opens with a bone-chilling promo from the ruthless Drew Gulak in a dark room. He claims Tony Nese may be The Premier Athlete, but he lacked the killer instinct to take his championship. Nese could never lead 205 Live, it ends with a stern warning to all the roster. “Now that everyone knows what pain and punishment await them”, who will step up next?
We go live as Vic Joseph, Nigel McGuinness and Aiden English welcome us to Westchester, MA. Akira Tozawa flanked by The Brian Kendrick make their entrances. Tozawa will be in one-on-one action against…Samir Singh.
The Bollywood Bozo’s make their entrance dancing per usual. The bell rings and Samir goes right on the attack with kicks and punches. Tozawa now delivers a hard chop, followed by a fakeout straight right! Samir turns things around as he shoves Tozawa into the turnbuckle, followed by a hard Irish Whip into the corner… first count of the match. Headlock is applied now to keep him grounded…Tozawa hits another monstrous fireman’s carry over the shoulders!
Samir rolls outside and Tozawa blast him with his Flying Senton in the barricade. Tozawa up top, Sunil looks to interfere and Kendrick prevents it. Samir runs head-first into the turnbuckle, Tozawa with the surprise roll-up 1-2-3. Kendrick climbs on the apron and gets dropped face-first by Sunil. Now a post-match attack from The Bollywood Boyz to Tozawa. Before Sunil get blast Tozawa with the Boscar award, Kendrick makes the save, and the babyfaces stand tall with Tozawa holding up the award!
Last week it was Tozawa coming to Kendrick’s aid, this time the roles were reversed. This all leading to a tag team match I’m pretty sure next week! Decent match with Tozawa able to show-off his exhilarating high-octane offense and Samir with aggressive heel tactics.
Tonight we get another stellar video package of Humberto Carrillo, where he gives an in-depth look into achieving his childhood dreams by making it to the WWE. When he first arrived since goals were to carry on his Lucha libre wrestling style. The video referenced two of the all-time great Latino superstars, the late Eddie Guerrero and Rey Mysterio. He owes it all to where he comes from and his nature. Carillo has been here a year and now the only thing on his mind is the WWE Cruiserweight Championship.
WWE needs to utilize these on Raw and SmackDown Live. Instead of not giving talent tv time, they could use this time to reintroduce them to the WWE Universe so when they return they have a reason to care… commercial.
We’re back live as poor Mike Kanellis is making his entrance void of his wife Maria Kanellis, who’s watching on backstage. Jackson James is already in the ring. The bell rings and James gets blasted with a devasting big boot, hard knife edge chops in the corner. Mike is unloading all his frustrations on this young man. He hits a massive Spinebuster!
Maria gives a smirk…James’s chest is red now as he gets a breather in the corner. Mike with a running clothesline…James collapses to the mat. Mike’s not through, back-to-back Ferocious Lariats… Power of Love 1-2-3! Mike tosses James out of the ring like a sack of laundry.
An angry Mike grabs the mic and proclaims “Did you think that is what I was going to get fined over?!” That wasn’t it at all! He summons the GM Drake Maverick to the ring. Maverick wastes no time telling him they could have settled this in his office. He needs to share this with the WWE Universe. He said “Two months his contract expired and he could’ve gone anywhere and you know it, Drake! But I chose to stay here in WWE for two reasons: to prove to his wife that he’s as good as he says he is by becoming WWE Cruiserweight Champion and to KICK YOUR ASS!”
Maverick then apologizes for his foul mood and told him to look in the mirror, he’s not where he wants to be because of himself. He asks Mike if he feels he’s more deserving of the 205 Live roster who’s been busting their ass since it’s inception in 2016? Maverick brings up Mike’s humiliating loss to Zack Ryder from Raw.
Mike throws a jab at Maverick’s lackluster sex life with his wife. He continues to push his buttons until Maverick snaps! Mike should know not to call anyone’s wife’s names or he’s going to get his ass kicked, and that’s exactly what happened! Mike suckered him, hook, line and sinker, Maverick looks both pissed and disappointed in himself for fighting as the GM, Mike is smiling on the ramp… commercial.
We return and the commentary team is hyping Next Week’s Monday Night Raw with a star-studded list of Hall of Famers and legends return in Tampa, FL. Now we get a recap of last week’s brutal main event last week, where Ariya Daivari and Oney Lorcan obliterated each other in the first-ever Anything Goes Match!
Hell Yeah, it’s main event time and ladies and gentlemen what a main event we have! Jack Gallagher is out first, we get a recap of Jack Gallagher/Chad Gable last month that ended in a countout. Chad Gable makes his entrance with the good ole American Alpha music, man good memories. If you don’t what I’m talking about, Gable and Jason Jordan were a terrific tag team down in NXT go check it out!
The bell rings and a handshake from both competitors, tie-up, Gable drop toe hold and cartwheels over Gallagher to bring him back up. Gallagher utilizes an armlock…counter, Gable with a snapmare into a headlock. Gallagher back up now… armlock again, then it’s reversed, cartwheels out. Gallagher matrixes his way out of a headlock, fireman’s carry to the mat. Gallagher headscissors to a stand-off. Gallagher now uses the same offense on his opponent, Gable counters into a slam position… arm-drag by Gallagher! A stalemate as the WWE Universe cheers!
Gable takedown into a headlock, Gallagher off the ropes… Shoulder tackle, he sends Gable crashing into the ropes and flips over to stack Gable up for the first two-count of the match. Gallagher back to the arm, both men back up…off the ropes, Gable with a stunning arm-drag, followed by a schoolboy pin for a two. Gable hits another arm-drag and back to isolating the arm. Gallagher flips him over his back and locks in a leg submission. Back-to-back pinfall attempts to break the hold… nope. Gable deadlifts Gallagher over his shoulders and drops him with one arm, what a way to break the hold!
Gable with stiff uppercuts and strikes that rocks Gallagher. Gable’s focus has turned to the ankle so he can eventually lock in the Ankle Lock. Gable with a hard Irish Whip to Gallagher, a second time…nope, up and over…off the ropes, Gable with a massive Overhead Belly-to-belly, two! Gable is methodically injuring the knee now, hits a deep dragon screw.
Gable like a shark smelling blood is relentless on the attack of the ankle. Now with more torque and Gallagher is writhing in pain. Back up now…Gable with more uppercuts goes to the well too many times and Gallagher gets the backslide pin, two!. Gallagher hits a stellar dropkick and is finally showing signs of life. Gallagher is throwing bombs now, he delivers a magnificent hanging Suplex, two! Gallagher runs, Gable sidesteps…German lock into a roll-up, and a Suplex…nope Gallagher reverses into an armlock, and then the Kimura. Gable counters into a pin, two!
Gallagher up top and hits a missile dropkick, Gable runs toward the ropes and Gallagher pulls the rope down. Gallagher runs to hit a flying maneuver, Gable back on the apron gets knocked back down…One more attempt by Gallagher baseball slides under the ropes. Gable gets driven into the barricade. Here’s the nasty side of Gallagher. Third time’s a charm with the suicide dive attempt…nope Gable catches him and lands a Devastating Release German Suplex on the hard floor!
The official is on the eight-count and Gable doesn’t want a repeat of their last encounter. So he brings him back, Gallagher with a surprise cradle roll-up for a long-two! Gallagher wants a half Nelson slam…nope Gallagher right back into the double-arm lock, Gable reverses into a tiger driver for a two! He transitions into the Ankle Lock as Gallagher gets close to the ropes…nope now Gable locks it in while on the mat!
Gallagher is writhing in pain but cleverly reverses with hard right hands. Gable throat chops him, off the ropes with a rolling flip kick… Gallagher off the momentum drills him with the Extraordinary Headbutt, and drapes his arm for a two! Both competitors slap back and forth to their feet, followed by stiff right hands. Gallagher is blasting Gable in the corner… Gallagher runs the corner and misses a dropkick, Gable catches him and delivers a Canadian Rack for a two and he is stunned! Gable up top moonsault…nope, knees. Gallagher a dropkick in the corner 1-2…feet on the rope!
Gallagher positions Gable on the turnbuckle for a massive back body drop…floats over crossbody, Gable running on fumes with the O’Conner roll into a Ferocious German Suplex Pin 1-2-3! Gable offers his hand in good sportsmanship and Gallagher looks like he wants more, but Gable pounds his chest to show respect!
Wow…Just Wow, what a freaking match! Gallagher always impresses me, he needs to be in the running for a title shot in the near future. Since arriving on the main roster, I never felt Gable never truly reached his full potential until now. Gable has had only two matches on 205 Live, but he’s already proven that this is the platform for him. Two back-to-back physical encounters with one of the toughest competitors on the brand and Gable is headed for great things in the future!
Saint Louis Anarchy Circus Maximus Preview
July 19th is fast approaching which means that Saint Louis Anarchy’s Circus Maximus is just days away. Circus Maximus is the biggest show of the year for the promotion
July 19th is fast approaching which means that Saint Louis Anarchy’s Circus Maximus is just days away. Circus Maximus is the biggest show of the year for the promotion. Last years Circus Maximus was the return of Anarchy and it blew every expectation out of the water so this year a lot of hype around it and has a lot of lead up to it.
Every Anarchy show has a pre-party and if you’re going to an event its best not to miss these. Every pre-party is unique and memorable. We’ve had beer pong, a rap battle, a magic show, and even a bear paternity test (which was a lot cooler than it sounds). Circus Maximus’s preparty event sees Everett Connors reading fortunes and a scramble that includes the likes of Slade Porter, Sage Phillips, Brad Mercury, Sean Orleans, Briar Mercury, and Victor Analog. You don’t want to miss this as the antics of the pre-party usually are what set the tone for the entire show.
Everett Connors was set to face Chuck Mambo who unfortunately had to pull out of the show but, make no mistake, whatever match Connors ends up with will be memorable. Connors has spent the last year being one the most charismatic members of the Anarchy roster and leaves every show looking more like the star he is. Plus, who knows what antics he and Raul will get up to.
Chicago standout Craig Mitchell is set to face the veteran Larry D in what should be a violent fight. Mitchell has spent the last year carving out his name within the wrestling scene and has been at Anarchy since the beginning of 2019 where he has been able to show everyone that not only can he wrestle but he can fight. Larry D is easily one of the most respected men within Anarchy and indie wrestling overall. Watch any of his matches and you’ll see they are not for the weak of heart. This should be interesting because if there’s anyone who can step up to Larry it is Mitchell.
In what is being billed as a tag team dream match, we see the Besties in the World take on the debuting Workhorsemen (Anthony Henry and James Drake). If you haven’t seen The Workhorsemen then you are in for a treat. I’ve been lucky enough to see them many times and they are always improving their teamwork. This match is should prove to be fun and hard hitting as Henry & Drake are not of the joking kind.
Matt Kenway has been on a tear of the Saint Louis Scene since late 2017. He’s proven time and time again that when given the opportunity he will knock it out of the park. Evan Gelistico made a surprise return in May to avenge Buddy Shepherd and to finally take down Kenway who has been antagonizing him since last July. These two men are set to meet in a dog collar match. Expect this to be violent as neither man is looking to back down from proving they are the one to end the other.
Circus Maximus is a diverse show as we are not only getting tag team action, but we are also getting trios action. The most hated men within Anarchy, Jake Dirden, Christian Rose, and Thomas Shire (who I am not sure is still hated but we’ll see) are set to meet The Gym Nasty Boys and Gnarls Garvin. Garvin is replacing Mikey who is out with a knee injury. Make no mistake, this match will be an all-out war as Shire, Dirden, and Rose attempt to continue the hot streak their team has been on since last July when they formed their alliance and to prove that they are in fact the most dominant men within Anarchy.
Gary Jay is one of “the” men of Anarchy (we’ve been over this) and at Circus Maximus he takes on the debuting Jigsaw. Jigsaw is one of the best wrestlers anywhere in the world and his debut being against Gary shows how highly thought of he is. I don’t know what to expect out of this but if it’s anything like the rest of Gary’s matches this year, be prepared to spend the next few months talking about it.
Kody Lane has been quietly making a name for himself within Anarchy and the Midwest wrestling scene overall. Jaden Newman is the uncrowned king of Chattanooga and southern wrestling as a whole. This match will be two young up and comers trying to prove just how far they’ve come and trying to get the Anarchy faithful invested in them.
Kicks n Shit (Chip Day and Logan James) look to make an example out of Diamond Dogs (Luke Langley and Graham Bell). Kicks n Shit have been jiving and gelling but not winning and that can’t be. Diamond Dogs on the other hand won their last match at Anarchy (it was the dark match with Billie Starkz in May). Expect both teams to show out as they want to be at the top of the tag team division of Anarchy.
Finally, the main event sees Warhorse Jake Parnell take on the Monarch Jeremy Wyatt for the Gateway Heritage Championship. Parnell and Wyatt each have a win over each other, so this match is anyone’s for the taking. Wyatt is coming into this as confident as ever while Parnell is as a determined as ever. You won’t want to miss it.
Watch it live in person at Spaulding Hall in Alton Il or on IWTV. Either way, this show will be memorable and in year when its Circus Maximus 2020 will have a new bar set as this is the year show of the year.