Now we all have seen some buzz about Trinity Fatu (Naomi) debuting at Impact during these Chicago tapings. They aren’t shy about, and seem to have embraced the spoilers.

There are other stories, but most people are probably interested in what Trinity has to say. So let’s just get the show coverage started.

.@DirtyDangoCurty is on a mission to find out who attacked @milanmiracle! @joehendry #IMPACTonAXSTV pic.twitter.com/xFG8QvDT6J

— IMPACT (@IMPACTWRESTLING) May 5, 2023

Ratings:

• Bhupinder Gujjar & Yuya Uemura vs Brian Myers & Moose: Moose wins via Lights Out – **
• Sami Callihan vs Kon w/Deaner & Angels: NO CONTEST – *
• Alisha Edwards vs Jody Threat: Jody wins via F-416 – * 3/4
• Steve Maclin, Champagne Singh & Shera vs PCO, Heath & Rhino: PCO wins via PCO-Sault – ** 1/4
• Jonathan Gresham vs Speedball Mike Bailey: Gresham wins via Octopus Hold – *** 1/2

Results:

Bhupinder Gujjar & Yuya Uemura vs Brian Myers & Moose

Gujjar and Myers start off together with Gujjar getting the best of the early exchange. Tags in Yuya, and then we see them go for some tandem moves but there needs to be a beat of communication. It’s kinda nice to see a simple moment of communicating the intended move as a way for younger wrestlers and a new tag team to start getting familiar with one another.

Yuya and Moose have their moments together where Yuya gets the best of the early goings as well. Big double dive gives all the momentum to the younger wrestlers until Moose and Myers cut him off while on the top rope and take advantage of the crafty veteran shortcut. Myers works over Yuya, but the simultaneous offense moment gives Yuya the chance to tag in Gujjar. Hot tag spot is only slightly tripped up because Gujjar screws up the Kip Up, but honestly it gets a little annoying seeing everyone use a Kip Up during high intensity moments. Gujjar tries to set up his terrible Gargoyle Spear, Moose dodges, goes for Lights Out, Gujjar dodges and turns it into a Slingblade for 2. Myers breaks up the pinfall, then eats a Springboard Sole Butt; but Moose comes out of nowhere with the Lights Out to kill Gujjar and pick up the win.

Did @TheTreyMiguel attack @milanmiracle!?@joehendry @DirtyDangoCurty #IMPACTonAXSTV pic.twitter.com/NnKeU82CDG

— IMPACT (@IMPACTWRESTLING) May 5, 2023

Sami Callihan vs Kon w/Deaner & Angels

Initially the assumption was that Deaner would fight Sami, but we should all know better the leader wouldn’t put himself out there like that. So he swerves Sami by saying the match is against Kon. Early mugging before the bell starts off with the typical babyface from underneath idea. Sami demands the match start, and we get the official start.

Sami has an quick comeback but then Kon stabilizes and starts overpowering Sami. Some offense capped off with a wear down Bear Hug spot finally gives Sami a spot to reenergize. Sami fights out, strike exchange, Kon lays in a few Vader Hammers but then Sami counters Kon’s charge with a Samoan Drop. Numbers game attempt, but while the ref is distracted Sami kicks Kon in the nuts. He calls Deaner into the ring, Deaner hits the apron gives him the thumbs down and the yellow hoodie wearing goon squad hits the ring to attack Sami and throw out the match.

Stupid ending, stupid faction with a bunch of jobbers, the faction that was cool with Eric Young and Joe Doering…is now a sad shell of its former self. 

.@RealNickAldis has no problem EARNING an IMPACT World Title match but @KennyKingPb2 isn't buying it. #IMPACTonAXSTV pic.twitter.com/mHjfQ9jKwt

— IMPACT (@IMPACTWRESTLING) May 5, 2023

Yes I am mostly inserting this interview because it has Jimmy Jacobs and no real other reason. Do It For Her, as some would say. 

Alisha Edwards vs Jody Threat

Lish with a big open hand slap, Jody starts rocking her and even returns the slap before driving her into a corner to bounce her head off the buckles a bit. Jody tosses Lish into the ropes, goes for the Leg Drape, but Lish moves, pulls her down from the ropes, rams her head into the mat multiple times with her knees and starts trash talking a little.

Jody Drop Toehold puts Lish against the ropes, Double Knees to the back, German Suplex, and then F-416. Lish’s new persona is great, but she’s still jobbing out a bit.

.@MeanGiaMiller is standing by with The Motor City Machine Guns to talk #UnderSiege! @fakekinkade @SuperChrisSabin #IMPACTonAXSTV pic.twitter.com/n2tE6Xkqx6

— IMPACT (@IMPACTWRESTLING) May 5, 2023

Steve Maclin, Champagne Singh & Shera vs PCO, Heath & Rhino

PCO starts and Singh tags out Maclin before the official start as he’s trying to kiss ass. PCO starts eating Singh’s lunch, because Singh sucks. Rhino comes in, lays in some shots, shoots him into the rope, Shoulder Tackle for a crowd pose. Singh gets in a few moves of offense but Rhino lights him up and tags in Heath. So Heath starts bouncing some offense into the corner. Heath places Singh in a dumb spot for Shera to get the blind tag and Shera starts manhandling Heath.

Maclin of course tags in because Heath is beaten down a bit, a “He’s Got Kids” chant starts and Heath fires up. Maclin tries to wipe out the enemy corner but PCO gives Maclin second thoughts, the distraction allows for Heath to hit a Powerslam and then stereo tags. PCO is now destroying Singh again. PCO is just a psychopath. Zombie con Hilo, Deanimator connects! Shera attacks PCO after the Deanimator connects. Triple team attempt, Shera and Singh try to set up Caught in the Crosshairs, but PCO falls out of the Tree of Woe. Maclin tries to inform the idiots, but they’re too stupid, they get laid out, Maclin powders and eats a Gore!

Singh tries to pay off PCO, Heath hits a Wake Up Call, PCO-Sault wins the match. Not surprising, but everyone being able to hit their finish was nice.

Jonathan Gresham vs Speedball Mike Bailey

A lot of early jockeying for position and small headlock advantages but a proverbial stalemate for the first few minutes. Its not until after the first commercial and a Dropkick that Bailey nearly takes control…but we’re back to trading Arm Bars and Arm Drags…are we going to get a Moss Covered Three Handled Family Credenza also? Now we just get some mat and join manipulation from Gresham before Bailey tries to keep things rocking and rolling to free up his joints.

Series of kicks into the Standing Shooting Star Press gives Bailey a 2. Buzzsaw Kick attempt but Gresham counters and tries to run Bailey into the ropes for a Victory Roll, but Bailey sneaks in a Cross Armbar, Backflip Knees, Combo Kicks sends Gresham stumbling to the apron, Yakuza Kick drops Gresham onto the Apron, Slingshot Knee Drop crashes into Gresham and then a Golden Triangle Moonsault sends us to commercial with Bailey in full control. Coming off the commercial Bailey drapes Gresham over the top rope and hits the Rocky Romero half of Strong Zero for 2.

Bailey charges, Gresham counters with a Cradle, a few quick Cradle attempts, two La Magistral attempts from Gresham but only near falls for everyone. Arm Wringer from Gresham, Bailey tries to roll through and create a spot, but Gresham maintains, a Pump Kick finally gives Speedball some space, Gresham stutters runs forward and gets caught with a Standing Spanish Fly for 2! They trade styles, Gresham works the arm, looks for a submission but a few straight side kicks rocks Gresham, Tornado Kicks connect! Ultima Weapon…misses! Position work and then Speedball gets caught in the Octopus and taps out.

.@TheTrinity_Fatu has ARRIVED! #IMPACTonAXSTV pic.twitter.com/AkcWNiWJID

— IMPACT (@IMPACTWRESTLING) May 5, 2023

Not exactly paint by numbers intro, but nothing shocking. Deonna comes out and makes a “You can’t walk out” joke, Trinity responds by telling her she’s going to wish she got fired again. Jordynne Grace comes out to set a tone that she’s game for a fight as well, but she doesn’t want Deonna losing sight of the Under Siege match. Trinity did do her homework about the history of the Knockouts Division, but given the fact she came from the era of WWE she did…its not like it was hard to learn. I’ll look forward to how they market Trinity (they were saying SHINE often instead of GLOW), and how her first real match goes. 

Overall Score: 6.25/10

A recurring statement from me lately, where the story building and entertainment was really solid in the show…but not so much the wrestling. The main event was the best match of the night and it was also the worst those two have had in their 4 IMPACT tussles. So the predictability of the matches is getting to be far too common place. I understand that Under Siege is mostly just a road bump to Slammiversary; but I really need to start seeing more competitive dynamics to get invested in any of these matches. Putting two main event guys against a youngster new tag team isn’t hard to see the outcome. Alisha has done nothing but be enhancement talent since she’s been an active part of Impact, The Design is so trash they make the Dark Order look like peak nWo.

Lets also not overlook the fact that the 6 man was obvious because Shera and Champagne Singh were involved, but the only real wrinkle that developed was Rhino hitting a Gore to piss off Maclin and earn himself a title shot next week. Impact needs to start trimming the fat (yes I mean fire some of the trash people, The Design and Champagne Singh immediately come to mind), and throw together stories where the opposition is more evenly matched. No more of this gang tactic job squad idiot crap.

Biggest positive to come from the show was Alex Shelley declaring that he’s just going to win the World Championship since he doesn’t love being known as “the best to never win the belt”. I would be totally game for Shelley beating Maclin at either Slammiversary or Bound For Glory.

We got to start Maclin’s new regime last week, and the Canadian caveat gave the fans an unexpected but well supported first challenger. While PCO isn’t going to put on a mat clinic, his matches are always entertaining and the stuff he puts his body through at 55 is crazy,

The Coven also set their sights on Deonna last week, so I guess we’ll find out if they’ll be dispatched quickly or if we get a longer program. Let’s see where this show goes!

The only way to get back to the Undead Realm is with @MinisterReal leading the way! @WeAreRosemary @steveofcrazzy @FearHavok #IMPACTonAXSTV pic.twitter.com/nzdaGSkQkv

— IMPACT (@IMPACTWRESTLING) April 28, 2023

Ratings:

• Jordynne Grace vs Masha Slamovich: Jordynne wins via Cradle – *** 1/4
• PCO vs Champagne Singh: PCO wins via PCO-sault – N/A
• Road to 50 Wins: Johnny Swinger w/Zicky Dice vs El Dineroco: Swinger wins? via La Magistral – N/A
• The Design (Kon & Angels w/Deaner) vs ABC (Ace Austin & Chris Bey): ABC wins via 1-2-Sweet – ***
• Jody Threat vs Seleziya Sparx: Jody wins via F-416 – * 1/2
• Knockouts World Championship: Deonna Purrazzo (c) vs Taylor Wilde w/Kilynn King: Deonna wins via Venus de Milo – *** 3/4

Results:

Jordynne Grace vs Masha Slamovich

This was supposed to be Masha versus Killer Kelly, but I think Kelly posted on her Twitter that she had a cyst that burst, so she wasn’t in a position to participate in tapings. 

This stay fairly equal between these two, Jordynne tries to keep Masha in place with a Wristlock, Masha uses her agility to get out of things. They move to the corner and Jordynne hits a few big shots into a Vader Bomb for 2. Masha looks to be in trouble until Masha takes advantage of pulling Jordynne into the middle rope throat first. So Masha finally gets the advantage while Jordynne tries to recover.

Jordynne blocks Masha’s attempts at a Suplex with her own, but Masha connects on a few quick strikes, Backfist into Buzzsaw Kick rocks Jordynne and Masha decides to talk smack in Russian to the crowd instead of going right after Jordynne. Camel Clutch from Masha appears to be too late since Jordynne fights through, rams her into the corner a few times before the Backpack style Backdrop to break Masha’s submission.

Masha gets caught in a Muscle Buster but kicks out, eats some big strikes, Jordynne hits a Michinoku Driver out of nowhere but only two. Masha tries to find something, she looks for the Victory Roll but Jordynne counters with the Rear Naked Choke. Turns the Rear Naked into a pinfall attempt to break the hold and then goes for her own Rear Naked Choke. Jordynne fights out, Masha decides to snap off a Wristclutch German Suplex Hold for 2.

After a few more exchanges, Grace goes for the Muscle Buster again, but Masha counters. A few quick strikes and we go into a Locomotion Cradle Spot. Eventually Jordynne gets the best of the Cradles and wins via pinfall.

Maclin hits the ring, calls out PCO and demads the match to happen now. PCO isn’t one to deny a fight, but as PCO is coming down Shera and Champagne Singh attack him. PCO eventually makes a comeback and then Santino’s music hits. Singh tries to pay off Santino, Santino takes the money and says thank you, you just bought yourself a match. So Champagne Singh is gonna get murdered and Shera is banned from ringside.

PCO vs Champagne Singh

This is just for PCO to beat the hell out of the heel dweeb. No one thinks Singh has a prayer. 

Singh hit a few moves, thought he’d do the Million Dollar man thing and put money in PCO’s mouth…but PCO starts short circuiting. He eats the money, and then eats Singh.

Champagne Singh is such a waste of time. PCO wins via Scorpion Deathdrop into PCO-Sault. The result was never in question.

ImpactPlus Flashback Moment: 2/14/2013, Christopher Daniels vs Magnus, IMPACT!

After @TheSamiCallihan's betrayal, @CodyDeaner is ready to teach @TheSamiCallihan a lesson he won't forget!

#IMPACTonAXSTV pic.twitter.com/ancSHaHf5Q

— IMPACT (@IMPACTWRESTLING) April 28, 2023

Road to 50 Wins: Johnny Swinger w/Zicky Dice vs El Dineroco

Zicky apparently is covering the Luchadors pay but has to go get him to translate. The luchador comes out and its obvious its Zicky in a mask, but the name is great.

Solid comedy match, and Swinger “winning” via La Magistral is awesome. Santino figures it out and nullifies the whole damn thing is solid comedy.

Busted..@swinger_johnny @ZickyDice @milanmiracle #IMPACTonAXSTV pic.twitter.com/Xuiejn1S9d

— IMPACT (@IMPACTWRESTLING) April 28, 2023

The Design (Kon & Angels w/Deaner) vs ABC (Ace Austin & Chris Bey)

Bey and Angels start off, and Angels starts off aggressively, but its hard to really have any faith in The Design here. The most I think we can hope for is a decent match. Ace blind tag, Russian Leg Sweep/Kung Fu Leg Sweep on Angels, Click Click Boom next for 2, then Angels does manage to tag out.

Kon comes in an bulldozes both men, regardless of the fact they’re hitting him and all over him. You can hear Bey say “My ankle my ankle”, which is hopefully a work to make it look like The Design have a shot. Ace eats some tandem shots and then Kon sinks in the Nerve Hold and Ace is getting smacked around. They keep Ace in their corner, when Angels tags in, Ace tries to run through Angels; but Angels turns the attempt around and Ace keeps eating chops and shoulder blocks. Ace finally grabs some wrist control, a few pot shots, Up and Over, lays out Angels. Ace tries to limp to the tag, but Angels holds his foot and connects on a Half Nelson Suplex.

Deaner tries to tell Angels to keep the foot on the gas, but Angels misses in the corner and gets rocked by Ace. Bey takes the hot tag, wipes out Kon, a few quick spots, Yoshi Tonic for 2. Looks for Art of Finesse but Kon goozles him from the apron. All four guys in the ring, they ABC tries to chop down Kon with successive Dives, they drop Angels on him but Kon won’t fall down. Deaner gets on the apron to interrupt ABC, and Sami Callihan comes out of nowhere to equalize.

Angels runs off Sami, ABC finally lays out Kon and then when Angels tries to comeback, he gets leveled. Timing Spinning Heel Kicks collpase Kon, ABC 1-2-SWEET wins the match!

Decent action even though the outcome was never really in question.

Jody Threat vs Seleziya Sparx

Well given that Jody is starting to get built up and Sparx is obviously the enhancement talent, this is another match that isn’t hard to see the outcome for.

Jody has an interesting energy where she has like a tough brawler style seemingly keeping the opponent close. After a top rope Thesz Press, rope run Pump Kick, German Suplex and F-416. The punk rock appeal could be kinda cool, but the Knockouts have so many brawler style women and/or dark gimmicks. They really need a touch more versatility in the personalities.

Knockouts World Championship: Deonna Purrazzo (c) vs Taylor Wilde w/Kilynn King

While its a little silly to think Deonna will lose the title so quickly, this could build to more. This should be a good strat to Deonna’s first program in her third reign.

Collar and Elbow tie up with both women trying to push the other into a corner or find a small advantage, but they wrestle to a stalemate and take different approaches after a small moment of recognition.

Deonna looks for a lot of arm focused offense, but Taylor gets really clever with her legs. Twisting Deonna into a counter roll or her own modified Indian Deathlock. A few quick pinfalls follow from both and then they have another moment of acknowledgement. The feeling out process between these two has been pretty great thus far.

A quick Hip Toss into the Wristlock has Deonna in control. Taylor does manage to fight her way out of it, Kilynn trips the leg to give Taylor a chance to lay in a few cheap shots and then tease the crowd and do the smarmy heel stuff. Every time Deonna starts to fight back, Taylor powders and Kilynn is being a great partner. She pushes Taylor out of the way, eats a forearm, and is just getting smacked around to protect Taylor.

In the corner, Deonna manages to crash into Taylor’s arm so Taylor sells to the ref to distract her and Kilynn makes her presence felt again. Taylor plays up the witchy persona very well and very much like The Craft. She’s sarcastic and condescending, but in a cute almost flirty way. So it adds to an interesting dynamic between her and Deonna since even though Taylor is heel, she is the more playfully animated. After a few deliberate spots, Taylor hits the Satellite Crippler Crossface out of nowhere. Deonna manages to fight out of it, into a Fujiwara Armbar, but Taylor gets to the ropes.

Backslide from Deonna for 2, but as Taylor tries to roll out, Deonna grabs for the arm and keeps hunting for Fujiwara Armbars. Both women bounce off the ropes and meet in the middle with Crossbody attacks. Strike exchange, Sole Butt from Deonna, into Running Knee Lift, Russian Leg Sweep and Fujiwara Armbar; but Taylor gets a foot on the rope. Queen’s Gambit attempt, but Taylor with the Backdrop to counter. Wilde Ride, for a near fall. Witch’s Wrath gets countered into the Venus de Milo in the middle of the ring.

Kilynn attacks Deonna after the match, and Jordynne makes the save in the whole babyface respect angle.

Overall Score: 7/10

Well this suffered from a consistent issue that more recent IMPACT episodes have had – and that’s a complete lack of suspense in the matches. Comebacks and selling lose effect when the finish is written in purple crayon because of who they position against one another. The show was bookended by two really good Knockouts matches though. The middle parts were job matches, so there really was a lot of lame filler…but stories moved forward and we got a little interesting character work.

Callihan hopefully culminating his whole destruction of The Design, DeathDollz having to connect with James Mitchell to inquire about Taya, Dango going full detective, Zicky and Swinger…being Zicky and Swinger and Maclin finding barely serviceable goons, I suppose is something. Impact continues to have a few interesting beats and solid comedy to never really take itself too seriously, but really some of the shows are just too inflated with trash matches that it weighs things down a ton. I’ve always enjoyed how they keep even the lower card stories relevant, but we could really do without so many job matches.

Also don’t think I missed this video package:

Looks like @Kelly_WP found the perfect playmate in @mashaslamovich!#IMPACTonAXSTV pic.twitter.com/TSwnGlGYN3

— IMPACT (@IMPACTWRESTLING) April 28, 2023

The only adequate reaction to this whole video package is this: