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Andrew’s Impact Wrestling Ratings & Analysis 9/6/2019

Does Sami Callihan get his answers this week? Will Brian Cage vacate the title?

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Does Sami Callihan get his answers this week? Will Brian Cage vacate the title?

So thanks to the power of spoilers and AEW All Out, many of us already knew that LAX was on their way out of Impact Wrestling. Tonight, we get to see how their final match stacks up to some of the great stuff they’ve done the last roughly two and a half years.

Hopefully the Ace Austin/Eddie Edwards angle comes to an end soon, this is just painfully cringey.

But whatever, don’t come out of nowhere…Sami doesn’t like that. Just enjoy the show.

Ratings:

  • Havok vs Su Yung: Havok wins via DQ – *
  • Moose vs Fallah Bahh: Moose wins via Spear – ** 1/2
  • TJP vs Golden Magic: TJP wins via Inverted Figure Four –  *** 1/4
  • Madman Fulton vs RVD: RVD wins via DQ – **
  • Career vs Titles: Impact Tag Team Championships: LAX vs The North (c): North retain via Argentine Backbreaker/Spine Buster combo – *** 1/2

 

Analysis:

Havok vs Su Yung – Well this kinda sucked. Havok dominated early, Su had a small burst of offense, but then it went back to Havok toying with her food. The referee was holding the law very strictly, so when Havok got in his face and left Su alone for a while, you knew what was coming. Su hits Havok with the Mist, referee calls for the bell and then a small scuffle leads to Su retreating. Insanely anti-climactic and not a very good match either.

The North gives a small promo about LAX and setting up the match for later tonight.

Moose vs Fallah Bahh – So Fallah comes out like a locomotive and takes it to Moose. Moose is never really able to get any momentum, and this looks like an impending squash. Fallah hits the BAHH-nzai Drop, but Moose kicked out. Fallah is beside himself, tries to amp himself up with the Bahh headslap, and charges in with a big boy Splash, but…nobody home. Moose shoots off the ropes and Spears Fallah into next week. So Moose gets the win before his angle with Ken Shamrock starts to really boil up, but Fallah looked impressive all the same.

I hate this cringey Jerry Springer rejected angle with Eddie Edwards and Ace Austin. Ugh…kill me now.

TJP vs Golden Magic – This was set up since Golden Magic took the pinfall victory in the four way last week. The pace starts quick and never really slows down except after a big Tornillo to the outside when the commercial kicked in. Both men missed a few high impact moves and rolled through or just ate canvas. After Golden Magic missed on the 450 Splash, TJP took advantage by hitting the Detonation Kick and then locking in the Reverse Figure Four. Really solid X Division style match.

Flashback Moment: AJ Styles vs Sting, Bound for Glory, TNA Heavyweight Championship Match, October 18, 2009

Johnny Swinger everyone…I need to adjust the tracking on my VCR…

Madman Fulton vs RVD – Dave Crist comes out with Fulton to hype him up, so the match is mostly dominated by Madman until RVD catches him with the Springboard Crescent Kick. Madman powders out, and RVD keeps the momentum. Madman gets dropped and RVD goes up for the 5 Star Frog Splash, but Dave Crist interferes and we get the DQ. RVD clears out Madman and beats down Dave, then hits the 5 Star for the crowd pop.

Career vs Titles: Impact Tag Team Championships: LAX vs The North (c) – Fast paced match that had it’s swings. LAX tried to use their speed early, but a few heel tactics gave The North an edge. The North started manhandling Santana until he came out of Sunset Roll and made the hot tag. We then see Ethan Page have a moment of insight and tell Alexander to embarrass LAX by pulling off the Street Sweeper. Santana makes the save, Rolling Cutter, Draping Stunner/Superkick combo, and it’s only a two count. Ortiz does manage to kick out of the Tandem Mat Slam that The North have occasionally used as a finish, so that gave some hope. However, The North proved to be a little too cunning and end LAX’s career in Impact. Good match, just felt very quick and lacked a little bit of emotion.

Episode ends with Brian Cage making an announcement about his health and title reign. Talks about the more important things in life, like spending time with Melissa. So he proposes to Melissa ELIZABETH Santos, so it looks like we’re getting another IMPACT wedding.

Overall Score: 5.5/10

Odd show, very odd show. Started off with a bad match that got no one excited and the in ring action was a bit lackluster all night. There were a few vignettes that furthered angles that are just dumb, like The Deaners and the Edwards/Ace Austin thing. So this was just generally hard to watch since the matches weren’t engaging and the promos didn’t do anything for me.

It did what it was supposed to as a show by keeping most of the characters relevant, but I just didn’t personally care for a lot of it. The LAX match was a bit underwhelming, the Brian Cage proposal was sweet, but one has to assume it will get ruined by Callihan since…well…it’s wrestling.

So it was alright, just really not a show I personally found very intriguing.


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Andrew’s TNA Xplosion Results & Match Ratings: 3.22.2024

Well Masha vs Rosemary could have Knockouts Tag ramifications. So we might get something out of this episode!

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This episode at least has a match with storyline significance, so that’s an upgrade from last week. However, it looks like we’re gonna continue the one match and a ton of clips formula; which I completely hate.

At least it seems like the Around the Ring interview is with Bhupinder Gujjar. That’s cool information because he hasn’t been on the show all year, so I thought he was fired or something. So may

Ratings:

Masha Slamovich w/Killer Kelly vs Rosemary w/Havok: Rosemary wins via Spear – ** 1/2

 

Results:

TNA+Flashback Moment: 5/1/2014, IMPACT!, Eric Young vs Bobby Roode, World Championship 

Again they’re opening the show with a throwback match, but at least Hannifan opened the show running down the original content aspects of the show. But if this is going to turn into mostly clips, 1 interview and 1 match, I’m not really sure why this exists. 

Don West, You’ve Got to be Kidding Me! Trending Topics of the week:

5. The System beats down Speedball Mountain & Nic Nemeth

4. Chris Sabin’s failed rematch

3. Rich Swann heel turn

2. Tag Team Title Match at Rebellion: The System vs Speedball Mountain

1. World Title Match at Rebellion: Moose vs Nic Nemeth

Around the Ring with Gia Miller was always one of the highlights of the Xplosion return and it was the only borderline watchable thing last week. He talks about getting an alumni distinction award from Saint Claire college. Bhupinder shows an ability to be kinda relatable when he talks in a relaxed way. He apparently likes to dance, so they dance a little at the end, and its charming. 

TNA+Flashback Moment: Kazarian vs Jay Lethal, Genesis 2011, X Division Championship

Masha Slamovich w/Killer Kelly vs Rosemary w/Havok

Oh finally something I haven’t already watched! With all of the dirt sheet articles, most of us probably know that it looks like Killer Kelly is done with TNA. So I’d like to think that Masha will win this to start building her singles credibility up and Kelly will be the one to take the blame for any future failures. 

I’m not sure what kind of Matryoshka voodoo doll Havok tried to distract Masha with, but it allows for Rosemary to take early advantage until Masha drops Rosemary with a Side Salto Suplex. Masha tries to send Rosemary into the corner to keep up the offense, but The Upside Down helps shift momentum. Rosemary postures to the crowd, Masha manages to kick her feet out to crotch Rosemary on the top turnbuckle, then an corner assist Power Slam swings the match back again.

Rosemary hits her Dead Rising spot, drops Masha with a Slingblade into an Exploder out of the corner, and Masha kicks out at 2. Masha blocks a suplex attempt and turns it into a Double Triangle Full Nelson style of submission. Rosemary slips it, John Woo dropkick from Masha, Rosemary tries to counter the charge, but a few counters from both women and Masha hits a Cross Armbreaker! Kelly gets involved, grabs Rosemary, Masha tries to Spear the restrained Rosemary, but Rosemary slips it and levels Kelly. So Rosemary hits her own Spear and that’s the finish!

Overall Score: 3/10

I do hate the WCW Worldwide copy and paste. I really was enjoying what it did for the first 3 months with 2 under card matches and some charm. But these last two weeks have felt like a waste of time.

Just release Around the Ring as a YouTube exclusive or something and throw Xplosion in the dumpster. Plus if you still need the bonus match, make it a TNA+ exclusive match. You could argue that Xplosion fills the same slot, but with the Don West Top 5 being a hollow list with no personality, its a waste what should be a kind gesture. Plus the abbreviated 2 flashback matches, this is a stupid waste of time. A 45 minute show with only like 12 minutes worth content to care about.


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Andrew’s TNA iMPACT! Results & Match Ratings: 3.21.2024

Two championship matches, ASH by Elegance in action and Nic Nemeth shares a few thoughts regarding his announced title match at Rebellion!

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Welp, this is week two, show three of the new regime and I must say…I’m brushing up on my Morse Code for what feels like a need for an S.O.S. They tried to add some build for the Knockouts Title match on Xplosion, too bad that people who watch Xplosion either don’t need the refresher or aren’t looking for a clip show to push a TV match.

So stumbling out of the gates isn’t a good sign, but who knows…maybe something could surprise us.

Ratings:

  • Rebellion Referendum: Leon Slater vs Chris Bey vs Alan Angels vs Jason Hotch vs Kevin Knight vs Jake Something: Jake wins via Into the Void – *** 1/4
  • Time Splitters (Alex Shelley & Kushida) vs Grizzled Young Vets (James Drake & Zack Gibson): Kushida wins via Hoverboard Lock – ***
  • Digital Media Championship: PCO vs Crazzy Steve (c): Steve retains via Roll-Up -*
  • ASH by Elegance vs Seleziya Sparx: ASH wins via Rarefied Air – **
  • TNA Knockouts World Championship: Jordynne Grace (c) vs Tasha Steelz: Grace wins via Juggernaut Driver – ***

Results:

What is their fetish with putting people who can’t talk on commentary? Mustafa Ali walks out to join commentary for the opening match, which decides the number one contender.

Rebellion Referendum: Leon Slater vs Chris Bey vs Alan Angels vs Jason Hotch vs Kevin Knight vs Jake Something

Kevin Knight charges right at Jason Hotch and hits the Dive so he can talk smack to Ali on commentary. Bey, Angels and Slater decided to team up on Something to send him spilling out to the floor. Knight flies in when the teamwork breaks down, before he can start a small one on one with Slater, Skyler interferes and Hotch slides back in to wipe out Slater and then focus on Knight’s injured arm. Hotch manages to connect with the Chaos Theory German Suplex, and keeps up the focus on the arm. Alan Angels decides to involve himself aligning with Hotch to focus on Knight’s arm.

Angels and Hotch go for a Tandem Backdrop, but Knight flips back and Bey takes advantage of the situation. Stacks up the heels into the corner, Hotch runs at him and eats a Spinebuster but Angels throws a Spinning Heel Kick, Bey ducks and Alan snaps off a DDT. Angels tries to get Hotch back up, and while he’s resurrecting Hotch, Jake walks into the ring and Hotch bails. A few quick strikes, Angels tries the Angel’s Wings but Something tries to fight through it, and then Slater and Knight come in to help Angels with Jake. Angels thinks they’re on the same page, Slater and Knight Double Super Kick Angels and he powders.

Blue Thunder Bomb from Slater as he hits the ropes and eats a Pop-Up Spinebuster, but then we get into a bit of a signature spam spot as everyone runs in at different times to hit moves. Bey finishes the spam by countering Into the Void by hitting a Satellite DDT on Jake. Angels manages to push out Bey, Slater almost catches Angels in a Victory Roll for a near fall, then Knight comes in, but Slater is rolling. He’s got offense for everyone, he lays out Jake on the top corner, and then jumps the turnbuckle to hit a Corkscrew Senton on the pile of bodies on the outside.

Jake comes to and drops slater to the outside, Knight hits a big Dropkick that sends Hotch flying, Jake with a Powerbomb is close but Knight powders. Skyler jumps on the apron, Hotch tries to take advantage but Jake turns around and catches him in Into the Void for the win!

Ali was fairly worthless on commentary, he just seemed scared and flustered that Jake was even in the match, much less, winning it. 

Why is Deaner on my screen right now? Well he’s admitting that he’s the person to blame for all of the failures. So this is either a weird face turn promo where he lost his love for professional wrestling. It’s basically the “lost his smile” line, but he’s allowing the fans to decide his fate. Is this like Twitch Plays Pokemon, Twitch gonna play at wrestler now? 

GYV berate him, tell him to quit and try to kick him out of the ring. Deaner is about to listen but he remembers what he said, so he asks the crowd if he should leave or stay. Crowd votes stay, so at least they’re playing along. Deaner goes after the GYV because the people have spoken, and then the Time Splitters music hits so they slide in.

Time Splitters (Alex Shelley & Kushida) vs Grizzled Young Vets (James Drake & Zack Gibson)

GYV manage to slow the initial Time Splitter slide in, but then Shelley and Kushida turn the tides and Kushi hits the Running Handstand Kick to knock Gibson down. Referee tries to get control to legitimately start the match.

Shelley and Drake start officially, Shelley lays into Drake with forearms, then rope run Shoulder Tackles, Arm Wringer and Kushida tags in while Drake breaks the Arm Wringer and Shelley seems to not have taken a liking to the tag. Kushida comes in, Drake tags out, then we see some even back and forth, but GYV take advantage when Drake gets a blind tag for a tandem Shoulder Block. Shelley blind tags, and we get some quick offense with the Arm Wringer/PK combo. Focus stays on Drake’s left arm as Shelley bends the elbow and stomps down. Kushida tags in, Shelley goes out, Kushi feeds Drake to Shelley and then hits the Dropkick. Drake is getting worked over on the outside.

Kushida locks in the Reverse Indian Deathlock a few times before going for the complete Muta Lock. Kushida drags Drake back to his corner, tags in Shelley and the ego comes out. Shelley eggs on Drake to hit him, and then decks him with one big right. Arm Breaker over the rope, but Drake tries to counter and Shelley just brings him down into a Stun Gun. Shelley then works on the small joint manipulation of the left arm. Contorting the arm and fingers, then laying in the knee, and tries to get the referee to end the match, but Drake fights through and manages to grab Shelley and tag out. But as soon as Gibson tags in, Shelley and Kushi throw Gibson between them for Arm Breakers and decent offense. Drake manages the blind tag after Gibson gets space, knocks down Shelley and then Poetry in Motion takes out Kushida.

Gibson psyches out Shelley on the apron, so Drake hits a Dragon Screw on Shelley and then an Tandem Knee Breaker, as Gibson then throws Shelley into the apron knee first, and hits another Knee Breaker for good measure. Gibson with submissions for the bum knee, Shelley manages to reverse the submission, Drake tries to stifle the offense, but Shelley eventually gets over to Kushida and Kushida has the head of steam. Shotei in the corner on Drake, perches him, Avalanche Frankensteiner. Hoverboard Lock attempt, but Gibson breaks it up. GYV hit an Assisted Sliced Bread on Kushida for the teammate rub ins but only 2. Shelley tags in, Neck Bridge into Cartwheel Dropkick spot. Shelley tags Kushida back in and they go for Outtatime, but Gibson breaks it up. Doomsday Device attempt from GYV, but Kushida connects on the Tanaka Punch for stop the Doomsday, Shelley takes out Gibson and Kushida wins the match with the Hoverboard Lock!

Digital Media Championship: PCO vs Crazzy Steve (c)

PCO’s entrance gets more and more truncated. TNA really going cheap for the French Canadian Frankenstein. 

Well it’s not surprise I didn’t really understand this match pairing, and am not really excited; so lets see what happens.

PCO wants the fans to chant for him louder and Steve pounces on him then. They roll outside, a few quick shots and bounces PCO’s face off the steps and the post. Steve gets distracted laughing and just reveling in his early advantage, so PCO fires off the post and levels Steve. PCO tries to slam into Steve on the post, but Steve moves and PCO posts himself. Back into the ring, Steve is laying in some forearms, pulls down the elbow pad and tries to dig his elbow into PCO’s eye in the corner, then drags his face across the top rope. Steve continues with body shots, but the crowd boos, and Steve hits a Back Rake, shoots PCO off the ropes, flat back bump into the Frankenstein sit up, Steve kicks him down, tries to snap the neck but PCO fires up again. Rope Hung Lung Blower from PCO, into a Middle Rope Guillotine Leg Drop to the back of Steve’s head. Steve is halfway draped onto the apron, PCO hits the Deanimator on Steve’s chest and then stands up for the crowd.

Scorpion Death Drop from PCO, and now he’s setting up the PCO-Sault. Kon walks out with weapons all over him, throws the weapons into the ring and PCO finally gets sick of Kon’s presence (not as sick as me though), Dives on Kon and starts beating the hell out of him with a trash can. PCO is looking under the ring for more chairs, and he’s pulling a Kevin Owens setting up some chair art. PCO tries to put Kon through his chair construct but Steve claws his face, Kon drops PCO back first onto 4 chairs. Throws him in the ring and Steve rolls him up for the win.

Overbooked unnecessary garbage. Kon needs to get killed off like many other former wrestlers. 

Eric Young walks out to challenge Kaz to a Full Metal Mayhem match at Rebellion. That’s the long and short.

ASH by Elegance vs Seleziya Sparx

Sparx is a decently experience indie wrestler, she slaps away the “kiss this hand”, and then hits a few Knee Smashes as she runs to Iceman to clean her hand. ASH tries the Suplex, Sparx counters, but ASH drops Sparx, then goes for her Handspring Elbow, but Sparx gets the knee up.

ASH hits the Back Handspring Elbow in the corner, Rarefied Air…actually looks like a Swanton This time. Sparx was feisty, but never really had the shot to win, but it brought out more aggression and better moves from ASH. ASH wants to keep the beatdown coming, grabs a chair, perches for the Rarefied Chair, but Xia Brookside comes out to make the save.

Nic Nemeth comes out to talk about his new title match…maybe? I guess we’ll find out. Oh good The System music hits and here they all come. Moose makes a very quick and simple point, puts over Nemeth for things he’s accomplished but says he’s “never been able to beat the system”. Which…damn…ain’t that true? 

TNA Knockouts World Championship: Jordynne Grace (c) vs Tasha Steelz

Looks like Tasha is wearing Wonder Woman inspired gear…I do always love her gear even if her wrestling is mediocre at best.

Grace charges, but Tasha dodges and tries a few Forearms, but nope…nope…bad idea. Grace runs her over, works her into the corner with big strikes, a few shoulder strikes and then he heavy Irish Whip plays ping pong with Tasha’s spine. Jordynne tries the Baseball Slide, but Tasha moves, hits a pump kick and then starts putting some offense together. Grace tries to turn things around with a Stalling Vertical Suplex, but after a few seconds Tasha slips down into a Neckbreaker and doesn’t really allow Jordynne a chance for a big shot.

They both slide in, but the rush of blood to her head makes Tasha a bit dizzy and slow to continue, so Jordynne does muster a few moves. Tasha tries a Gamegiri but Jordynne catches the feet, tries a Powerbomb but…it turns into a very weird like Thesz Press pinfall attempt. Tasha then tries a Dragonlilly Submission, but Jordynne rolls it into a cover to break it. Tasha is trying to stay ahead of Jordynne but holy hell when she catches Tasha its a wild and harsh Spinebuster. Tasha tries a Triangle Choke twice, but two Powerbombs breaks the hold.

Open Hand Palm Strike, perches Tasha, Kinikku Buster attempt but no, Shiranui from Tasha but no, Jordynne hits the roles but Tasha kicks the feet out from under her. Tries the Rope Hung Backstabber but Jordynne holds on, Vader Bomb misses! Shiranui from Tasha finally connects but only for 2. Jordynne powders to the apron, plays difficult to get back in and tries to just muscle over Tasha, they move to the top rope, Gamengiri from Tasha into an Avalanche Snapmare. Mickie James Bulldog attempt is blocked, Blackout is shrugged off and a Spinning Backfist rocks Tasha, Juggernaut Driver finishes her off.

 

Overall Score: 7/10

Well color me blue and dress me up in daisy dukes…that was a decent match from Tasha Steelz. I’m honestly surprised, and that definitely helped the overall vibe check of this episode. Did we have some good wrestling? Yes we did. Did we have an over booked shitshow match which was bad and found ways to get worse because Kon is still involved in angles? Also yes!

There was way more things to like though than to be salty about. Cons being well…KON and whatever it is they’re exactly doing with the Dango Squad. I love what he’s been doing, and when he had that really great match against Josh Alexander, I was hoping it would bring him into a mid card or tag title scene or something. But then last week just ruined that and now it seems like we’re heading towards a faction breakup. But hey, those were really the only two glaring negatives, a few too many talking spots and a charisma vacuum on commentary is a fumble…but it wasn’t that offensive. I barely noticed he existed, which says a lot, if you think about it.

Positives were the ASH character finally getting a target, while looking quicker and better in the ring, Deaner getting a weird repackage, but weird is better than trying to be evil for him. Hammerstone’s interview was entertaining, Time Splitters winning was something I didn’t expect and yeah, Jake Something gets an X Division title match, UNLESS, Ali finds a way to do a recount or take his name off the ballot or something else. I really hope Jake gets a good push this year, but I feel like Rebellion would be too early to take the belt off Ali, so some kind of political shenanigans to push it back to Slammiversary would still be a decent enough use of the politician gimmick whilst keeping Jake with momentum.

So there we have it, pretty good show. I wanted to complain, but can’t find enough to be mad at. So I put my soap box away until Xplosion.


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