Connect with us

Entertainment

Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu Results & Report! (4/1/2020)

It’s high stakes in Hyrule!

Published

on

Legend of Zelda Hyrule Pro-Wrestling

The Legend of Zelda: The Ring of Destiny

Power. Wisdom. Courage. All qualities needed to be great in Hyrule Pro-Wrestling. Three contenders have risen above the rest, but only ONE can ascend to be Triforce Champion!

 

OFFICIAL RESULTS

  • HPW Death Mountain Championship #1 Contender’s Battle Royal: Groose wins and will challenge King Bulblin for the title.
  • HPW Triforce Championship Triple Threat: Ganondorf Dragmire VS Sheik VS Link; changed to…
  • HPW Triforce Championship Triple Threat: Ganondorf Dragmire VS Link VS Zelda; Link wins and becomes the inaugural Hyrule Triforce Champion.

PLAY BY PLAY

HPW and HXS TV set the scene!

A new year brought not only a new decade, but the rise of a new generation, and finally, today is the crowning achievement of several month’s hard work and determination! Finally, Hyrule will have it’s very first world champion! In the weeks that led to this moment, qualifying matches were held among the best wrestlers from around the world in a unique three-bracket tournament to name three contenders standing in the main event.

In the A Bracket, the self-proclaimed “Gerudo Ace,” Ganondorf Dragmire, trumped opponent after opponent with his uncanny combination of strength and agility, and met the equally impressive “Stone Juggernaut,” Boulder Murphy, in the semifinals. Despite Murphy bulldozing through his side of the bracket, it only took one Ganon Bomb to put him away, and Ganondorf earned the Triforce of Power.

In the B Bracket, Hyrule wrestling legend, Impa, introduced her prized pupil and masked wrestler, Sheik, to the world on the very first day of the tournament. A silent and serious type, Sheik preferred to let his actions speak for him, and proved he had mastered Impa’s Sheikah Style by winning with both swift strikes and sinister submissions. Three straight tap-out victories over Albirdo Del Rito, the “Zora Rock ‘n’ Rolla” Fin Balure and “The Sorcerer” Agahnim earned Sheik the Triforce of Wisdom.

Finally, in the C Braket, it was perhaps the unlikeliest of results of all. A soft-spoken young Hylian from Kakariko, motivated by a dream and the support of a village, was floundering in shame with a losing record of 2-10. What everyone thought would be an easy opening round win for “The Skyloft Stud” Groose ended up being perhaps the biggest upset in the entire tournament! The young man, who came to be known simply as “Link,” then defeated “The Artist,” Yuga, and “The Living Blade,” Ghirahim Mazokucho, to earn the Triforce of Courage.

The three finalists now meet in an ultimate showdown! Power, wisdom, or courage, which will lead the way into this shining new era? Hyrule Pro-Wrestling: The Ring of Destiny starts NOW!

 

HPW Death Mountain Championship #1 Contender’s Battle Royal!

The losers of the Triforce Tournament get a second chance, but at a different title! Who rises up to then challenge King Baron Bulblin?

The bell rings, and Skull Kid goes right for a corner buckle pad! Everyone realizes what he’s up to and the Dark Nut brothers are the ones to grab him. They both bring Skull Kid up and DOUBLE POWERBOMB him! And then its chaos as everyone brawls! Darunia goes after Red Nut while Rosso goes after Blue Nut. Albirdo Del Rito stomps a mudhole into L.A. Fokka while Fin Balure and Boulder Murphy are after The Iron Knuckle. Little Tingle holds on for dear life as King Moblin works to push him out. Groose helps Tingle out but then has to worry about Zant going after him. Igos du Ikana and Ghirahim struggle against each other in a corner, and Skull Kid hasn’t moved from where he got bombed.

Rauru the Owl fights off Garo Master and “the Show-alfos,” Dolph Zlither with big right hands! He JABS Garo, he JABS Zlither, and back again! Rauru powers up his right hand, but then Yuga dropkicks him into the ropes! Agahnim clotheslines Rauru out and ELIMINATES him! The legendary “Sage of Light” is the first one out of the match! Is this the last time we’ll see Rauru in the ring? Red Nut clubs Darunia down and pushes him away, and then Blue Nut HEADBUTTS Rosso! Blue Nut grabs Rosso and Red Nut has room to run, LAST NUT! They clobber Rosso with the clothesline leg sweep and then drag him up. Together, the Dark Nut Brothers throw out and ELIMINATE Rosso! The “Sage of Fire” is gone!

Darunia tackles Red Nut into Blue Nut! Boulder Murphy as a fellow Goron works together with him, but the Iron Knuckle clubs Boulder on the back. Fin Balure goes after Iron Knuckle from behind, hopping on him with a sleeper hold. Boulder elbows Knuckle in the stomach while Darunia clubs Red Nut down. Blue Nut pulls Fin off Knuckle but Fin PELES! Meanwhile, Yuga and Agahnim work together on Zlither while Garo Master goes after Igos. Tingle crawls to another corner while Ghirahim goes after King Moblin. Zant still goes after Groose, but Groose throws a forearm back. Groose shovels Zant up but Zant holds onto the ropes.

Tingle spots Skull Kid finally coming to. Tingle looks around and sees everyone else busy, so he drags Skull Kid up. He lifts Skull Kid up onto a shoulder but Skull Kid slips out! Skull Kid shows Superkick but it’s a feint! He mule kicks Tingle in the knee, then hits a basement DDT! Skull Kid drags Tingle up and has a clear path to run him to the opposite side and throw him over! But Tingle holds on! Fans cheer as Tingle skins the cat, and headscissors Skull Kid! Tingle drags Skull Kid over but Skull Kid also holds onto the rope! Skull Kid and Tingle dangle from the top rope! Tingle kicks at Skull Kid, so Skull Kid kicks back. It’s like a monkey bar chicken fight!

One of Tingle’s hands loses its grip! He’s barely hanging on, but he kicks back! Now Skull Kid loses a grip! Fans watch intently as both men hang on by a hand each! Both men keep their feet up to avoid the floor, and they both manage to skin the cat! Only for Ghirahim to dropkick them both! Skull Kid and Tingle both crash ‘n’ burn on the apron, and Ghirahim ELIMINATES them both! Ghirahim shows up with a kip-up as he soaks up the heat from the fans, but then he turns around to see an angry Groose! Groose JABS Ghirahim, and JABS, and JABS! Fans chant “GROOSE! GROOSE!” with each JAB! Groose powers up the Right Hand of the Goddess but Ghirahim overhand CHOPS!

Ghirahim CHOPS Groose again and backs him down to ropes. Ghirahim CHOPS and CHOPS, but Grooseturns things around to JAB! “GROOSE!” Ghirahim CHOPS, Groose JABS! CHOP, “GROOSE!” CHOP, “GROOSE!” Iron Knuckle tackles Darunia into Groose and Ghirahim! Fans boo the exchange ending. Ghirahim gets up in a huff and CHOPS Iron Knuckle, but Knuckle doesn’t even flinch! Iron Knuckle DECKS Ghirahim with a right forearm! Everyone else in the ring takes note of that, and realize who the front-runner in this match is now. And yet King Moblin steps up! Moblin beats his chest and shouts about taking on his rival in King Bulblin for the title. Fans fire up as Moblin and Knuckle stare down, and then explode to a fever pitch as they start brawling!

Moblin throws a forearm, Knuckle throws one back! Moblin hits Knuckle again, but Knuckle hits back again. Knuckle gets the edge, whips but Moblin reverses, only for Knuckle to BOOT him down! Knuckle drags Moblin up and trophy lifts him!! Moblin slips out and clotheslines Iron Knuckle against the ropes! Knuckle stays in, so Moblin powers him up and over! Yuga sneaks up and dumps Moblin up and over! Yuga ELIMINATES King Moblin AND Iron Knuckle! The Artist celebrates but then Fin clotheslines and ELIMINATES Yuga!

Groose staggers up to go after Ghirahim but Zant wants after Groose again. Zant lashes Groose with the long straps on his long sleeves and gets him in the corner. Ghirahim slips away from Groose but Fin is on him right away. Garo Master goes after Igos while Zlither goes after Del Rito. The Dark Nut brothers brawl with Darunia and Murphy while L.A. Fokka is after Agahnim. The Dark Nuts each whip Darunia and Murphy, but Murphy and Darunia duck and dodge and they both crossbody! The Gorons topple the Dark Nuts! Darunia brings up Red Nut and Murphy brings up Blue Nut, and they both fireman’s carry the Dark Nuts to the ropes. The Dark Nuts hold onto the ropes and stay on the apron.

Zant stops lashing Groose to kick and stomp Groose down. Fans boo as he doesn’t stop stomping until he storms off. Ghirahim goes after Groose while Fin gets caught up in Zlither’s and Del Rito’s brawl. Ghirahim stomps and punches Groose and Zant takes notice. Zant pushes Ghirahim out of the way to stomp Groose. Ghirahim pushes Zant out of the way to stomp Groose. Zant pushes Ghirahim out of the way again to stomp Groose again. Ghirahim turns Zant around, the two glare at each other as they get almost forehead to forehead. And then they both smile! They start stomping Groose together!

Fin CHOPS Zlither, then whips him corner to corner and runs in to CHOP again! Fin whips Zlither again for Del Rito to run over with a shoulder. They both drag Zlither up and double whip him to the ropes. Zlither holds the ropes, Del Rito runs in but into a SUPERKICK! Fin runs in but Zlither throws him up and over! Fin lands on his feet but on the apron, and he swing kicks Zlither back! Del Rito dropkicks Zlither and Fin holds the rope down! Zlither tumbles over and out, Fin and Del Rito ELIMINATE Dolph Zlither! Fin grins and Del Rito smiles, before Del Rito BOOTS and ELIMINATES Fin!! Del Rito gives Fin a wink before going back to the others.

Igos is after Darunia but Murphy is after him in return. Garo goes after Red Nut but Blue Nut is after him. The Gorons double whip Igos and the Dark Nuts double whip Garo. Igos ducks while Garo leaps over! Igos crisscrosses the Dark Nuts into each other while Garo springs up! Garo DOUBLE DDT’s the Gorons! Igos hits Red Nut with a knee, kick, back elbow, and another kick. Red Nut is on his knees, Igos knee thrusts! Ikana Rush! Blue Nut grabs Igos but he breaks free to back spin KNEE! Igos pushes Blue Nut at the ropes and dumps him over, Igos du Ikana ELIMINATES Blue Nut! Red Nut sits up to get a BUZZSAW kick! Igos lifts Red Nut up with a foot, ELEGY OF EMPTINESS! The back heel kick sends Red Nut up and over, Igos du Ikana ELIMINATES Red Nut!

Garo drags Murphy up and pushes him against the ropes. Igos hurries over to help him, and the get Murphy up over the top. Murphy holds on and Darunia clubs Garo on the back. Igos throws body shots on Darunia but Darunia takes them. Darunia headbutts Igos back! Darunia whips but Igos springboards, QUEBRADA but Darunia catches him! Igos slips off and ROUNDHOUSES Darunia! Garo goes after Murphy again but Murphy hotshots him away. Igos whips Darunia INTO Murphy, and Murphy falls to the floor! Someone ELIMINATES Murphy, but does credit go to Igos or Darunia? Agahnim stops hiding under the bottom rope to go after Darunia, to Igos’ surprise and confusion.

Del Rito goes back after Fokka with clubbing forearms while Zant and Ghirahim bring Groose up. They work to double suplex him at the ropes, but he resists. Groose tries to suplex them back but he can’t get them up. They try again but Groose resists again. Groose kicks Ghirahim low and suplexes Zant alone, only to sit up into Ghirahim’s Penalty Kick! Ghirahim drags Groose up and cravats to throw knees into his head. He brings Groose to the ropes and CHOPS! The Living Blade shows why he has that name with just how loud that was. Groose is stinging as Ghirahim CHOPS him again! Zant gets up and coordinates with Ghirahim again and they double suplex Groose up. But Groose knees out!

Groose lands on his feet, and shifts, to DOUBLE NORTHERN LIGHTS! And then rolls through to double Northern Lights again! And again! They end up by the ropes and Groose double back drops Ghirahim and Zant out! Zant’s long sleeves keep him grabbing the ropes and he hits the floor! Groose ELIMINATES Zant! But then turns around into Ghirahim’s enziguri! Ghirahim springboards to DUMDUM STOMP Groose down! Ghirahim is furious as he stomps and stomps and stomps Groose into the mat. Agahnim helps out with this, to Ghirahim’s surprise and confusion. It seems Agahnim is just eager to make alliances now that we’re down to the final eight.

Garo and Igos continue to work together as they hit Agahnim and Ghirahim from behind. Ghirahim CHOPS Igos but Igos forearms back. Garo whips but Agahnim reverses. Agahnim swings a clothesline but Garo slides under to come back with an enziguri, but Agahnim ducks it! Agahnim grabs the legs to reel Garo in for a wheelbarrow, but Garo victory rolls to a double stomp! Igos fires off another Ikana Rush but he misses the knee thrust! Ghirahim CHOPS, CHOPS and CHOPS, backing Igos to a corner. Ghirahim CHOPS and CHOPS more, but Garo runs in! Only for Ghirahim to dodge and his corner splash to hit Igos! Ghirahim then CHOPS Garo!

Groose tackles Ghirahim but Agahnim clubs Groose. L.A. Fokka goes after Agahnim but Del Rito is on Fokka again. Garo and Igos get out of the corner and go after Del Rito and Agahnim. Darunia runs in and POUNCES Igos to a corner! Darunia throws heavy hands on Igos but Garo hurries over. Garo turns Darunia around, to get DECKED! Garo springs up but Darunia hits him again! And again! And again! Darunia raises his hand to power up, but Garo enziguris! Garo whips but Darunia reverses. Garo leaps, but into Darunia’s arms! Darunia shifts Garo around for a GORON BOTTOM! ELEGY OF EMPTINESS! Igos rocks Darunia and dumps him out, Igos ELIMINATES Darunia!

Groose stands back up and looks at the other six. Ghirahim, Agahnim and Del Rito stand together, and he obviously isn’t going to stand with them. Groose joins Fokka, Igos and Garo, and a 4v3 brawl breaks out! Groose is after Ghirahim while Fokka is after Del Rito, leaving Agahnim against Igos and Garo! Igos and Garo double whips Agahnim to ropes. Igos drop toeholds, Garo standing moonsaults onto Agahnim’s back, Igos leg drops and Garo back sentons! Agahnim crawls to ropes and the two drag him up. They try to bring him up but he holds tight to the ropes. Agahnim gets back in through the middle rope, then ducks out the bottom rope! He isn’t eliminated but he isn’t playing fair, either!

Referees tell Agahnim to get back in the ring, and he “apologizes,” and asks for a time-out. There’s no time-outs in pro-wrestling! Agahnim heads back but Garo DIVES out onto him! Garo’s suicide dive goes through the ropes, so he’s safe, too! Fans cheer as Garo punches and stomps Agahnim. Garo puts Agahnim back in then climbs up onto the apron, but Agahnim sweeps the legs! Garo falls back, but his feet hook the bottom rope! He hangs upside-down like a keese! Igos goes after Agahnim as Garo braces himself, and now handstands! Garo handstand walks around, heading for the ring steps. Fans cheer as Garo rests his feet on the steps then scoots back to take a seat.

Igos whips Agahnim, Agahnim reverses but Igos QUEBRADA! Igos knocks Agahnim down and brings him up and throws him out, but on the same side of the apron Garo now stands! Agahnim takes Garo with him, Igos du Ikana ELIMINATES them both! But Igos doesn’t seem to care, because now he’s part of the final five. He looks around and watches the others. Ghirahim grinds his boot into Groose’s chest, but lets up to step back and RAM his knee in.

Fokka pushes Del Rito against buckles but Del Rito pulls on Fokka’s mask! Fans boo the disrespect but Del Rito clubs away on Fokka’s back. Del Rito gets Fokka up in a fireman’s carry and goes to the ropes. Fokka holds onto the top rope as Del Rito tries to throw him out. Fokka kicks his legs and slides off to then BOOT Del Rito. Del Rito staggers and rebounds off ropes to jump and SUPERKICKS! Fokka staggers and Del Rito throws him over, Del Rito ELIMINATES L.A. Fokka! Our final four are Igos, Del Rito, Ghirahim and Groose.

Ghirahim realizes who all is left, and goes after Groose even harder. He CHOPS and CHOPS and CHOPS Groose against the ropes as fast as he can, and Groose is stinging as he leans on the ropes to stay up. Ghirahim grabs Groose’s legs and lifts him up and dumps him over! Groose holds with one arm but Ghirahim has already moved on to go after Igos and Del Rito. Igos elbows Del Rito away from the ropes but Ghirahim CHOPS Igos. Igos throws a forearm on Ghirahim but Del Rito kicks Igos in the chest. Del Rito kicks Igos, Ghirahim CHOPS and repeat. Del Rito and Ghirahim back up and run in, but Igos ducks the double clotheslines to waistlock and shove Del Rito into Ghirahim.

Igos kicks Del Rito and starts up the Ikana Rush. Del Rito dodges the knee thrust and waistlocks. They go to ropes but Igos bucks Del Rito off. Ghirahim blindsides Igos with a forearm! Then goes side to side to forearm again! And then back the other way! Ghirahim comes from the left but Igos elbows him away hard! Del Rito runs in but Igos side steps and throws him out! Del Rito holds onto the top rope, Ghirahim runs behind Igos and springboards, GHIRA CUTTER to Igos! Ghirahim pushes Igos at the ropes and Del Rito drags him up and over, they ELIMINATE Igos du Ikana together! Ghirahim hotshots Del Rito!! Del Rito flops to the apron and then the floor, Ghirahim ELIMINATES Del Rito! And then winks at him, just like Del Rito winked at Fin!

Ghirahim thinks he’s won and raises his hands, but then he sees Groose is resting on the apron. Ghirahim runs over as Groose slowly rolls under the bottom rope, sliding dropkick! Groose is blasted under the bottom rope and falls to the floor! But he isn’t eliminated because he got back in first! Ghirahim is seething as he goes out to the apron from the middle rope. Groose stands up as Ghirahim takes aim, PENALTY KICK! Ghirahim hops down and drags Groose up to put him back in the ring. Ghirahim paces about as he cools off and then goes back into the ring. He drags Groose up, aims at the far side, and runs with Groose. But Groose turns around and throws Ghirahim out!

Ghirahim holds onto the rope and skins the cat, but Groose blocks the headscissor! Groose yanks Ghirahim off the ropes, swings him around and hits a facebuster! Groose flips Ghirahim over, has the legs, and catapults Ghirahim at a corner! Ghirahim hits the top of the post and staggers about. Groose runs Ghirahim to the far side and throws him out! Groose ELIMINATES Ghirahim Mazokucho and WINS!!

Winner: Groose; (NEW #1 Contender to the HPW Death Mountain Championship)

Death Mountain Championship

The Skyloft Stud is standing tall at the end of it all! But the celebration is cut short as King Baron Bulblin’s music hits. King Bulblin rides out on Lord Bullbo, his beloved war boar, but his Bulblin minions rush the ring! Groose is beat down 3v1 while King Bulblin takes up a mic. “Hey there, Groose! Congratulations on winning the battle royal. But I don’t think you’re going to make it to Eldin.” King Bulblin laughs as his henchmen drag Groose up. Bulblin One drags Groose in and powerbomb lifts him as Bulblins Two and Three build up speed. But Groose headscissors out of the Bulblin Bomb! And DOUBLE CLOTHESLINES Bulblins Two and Three!

Fans fire up as Groose roars! Groose watches Bulblin One stagger up and gives him a JAB! JAB! “Groose! Groose!” Power up, RIGHT HAND OF THE GODDESS! Fans are all fired up as Groose stares down King Bulblin and even dares him to get in the ring. King Bulblin snarls back as his Bulblins regroup and retreat. Will Groose climb Death Mountain to dethrone the Blubber King?

 

The King of Hyrule is here!

Fans cheer as HPW General Manager, Nicolas Foolyere Hyrule, goes to the ring and stands by the championship belt on a pedestal. But it is clear something is missing in the face plate. King Nicolas has a mic to speak.

“Welcome everyone to today’s amazing event, right here, in Faron Woods!” Cheap pop achieved as King Nicolas gives playful finger guns to the crowd in the Faron Sports Arena. King Nicolas continues to say, “This really is a great honor for me to present this beautiful title, the HPW Triforce Championship.” The twelve week tournament that consisted of 21 matches was filled with everything that makes pro-wrestling the best thing in the world. There was excitement, drama and moments we will remember for a lifetime. And what was a field of 24 has become a Triple Threat of the strongest, smartest and bravest wrestlers today. So it is King Nicolas’ honor to introduce the three that he knows will one day become known as the Triforce Trinity.

First out is C Bracket winner, Link! Link has new green tights with a gold Hylian Crest on the butt. King Nicolas likes how they look. Almost as fashionable as his royal robes. “But ensembles aside, it was really inspiring to see you in the tournament. We’re all a kid from somewhere, right? So how’re you feeling this close to the main event?” Link goes to speak but King Nicolas pats him on the shoulder and says, “You’re excited, right?” Link again goes to speak but King Nicolas gives him another pat on the shoulder and says, “Of course you are! You’re one match away from becoming a champion! I remember the moment I finally became champion. Back then I was just King of the Red Lions, and I was up against King Zora before he went all Hyrulewood, but enough about me.”

Next out is B Bracket winner, Sheik! Sheik also has new gear, but the only real difference is the Sheikah eye on his chest is gold, not red. King Nicolas is “sensing a theme with the color schemes here. Gold for the gold. I like it.” But where is Impa? Sheik picks up a mic to explain that both Sheik and Impa agreed that she doesn’t need to be holding Sheik’s hand. “I made it this far thanks to everything my teacher taught me. The best way to thank her is to win this on my own.” King Nicolas says that was well said, and is sure Sheik will make the entire Sheikah Tribe proud.

“Last but certainly not least,” the A Bracket winner, Ganondorf Dragmire! And he comes out wearing a fearsome looking boar headdress and wild looking cape. Ganondorf gets into the ring, takes the headdress off and places it on one of the corner posts. Fans boo but Ganondorf embraces it, and even encourages it with his proud laughter. Ganondorf gets a mic before standing across from his two opponents. He looks at the two, who he stands head and shoulders above, and laughs a little. “Really, Nick? These two are to be my opponents in the greatest match in all of wrestling history? How did such tiny, tiny boys make it through their brackets?” Didn’t Ganondorf watch their matches? No, Ganondorf doesn’t really care about other wrestlers.

Ganondorf sees the Sheikah symbol on Sheik’s chest. “Oh, so you’re Sheik, huh? Taught by Impa of the Sheikah. A great woman’s wrestler, and a great wrestler period. You’ll be great, too. I can feel it. You’ll be a great… disappointment.” Fans boo but Ganondorf just laughs again. Then Ganondorf looks at Link. Ganondorf steps closer so that he is looking even further down on Link. But Link doesn’t back down, and even has fans cheering for him. Ganondorf knows Agahnim, Yuga and Ghirahim. He trained with them, so he knows how tough they all are. “And for them to lose to someone like you, that is also very disappointing.”

But Ganondorf promises that the people of Hyrule will not be disappointed, because he will be a champion they can be proud of. Children from all over Hyrule, from the Zora Domain in Lanayru to the Gerudo Highlands and Desert to Goron City and Death Mountain to the capital city around Hyrule Castle, they will all look up to Ganondorf and praise him as their hero! The Hero of Hyrule Pro-Wrestling!

King Nicolas moves things along to business. “If each of you would, please present your pieces of the Triforce. They will be placed into the championship title’s face plate so that it will be complete.” Ganondorf steps up first, rudely getting in front of Sheik and Link. Ganondorf places his Triforce of Power in the top slot. He steps aside for Sheik to place his Triforce of Wisdom in the bottom left. Lastly, Link puts his Triforce of Courage in the bottom right. “And with that, the Triforce Championship is formed! Now, we shall see who destiny smiles upon, and have our first ever world champion!”

HPW Triforce Championship Triple Threat: Ganondorf Dragmire VS Sheik VS Link!

Fans cheer as King Nicolas holds up the title, then hands it to referee Tiger Sahasrahla to officially present the belt to each wrestler.

Hyrule Triforce Championship

The belt is then set aside, and the match begins!

The fans are already thunderous as Ganondorf, Sheik and Link stare down. The three approach, and Ganondorf calls for a Test of Strength. Ganondorf grins because he knows he’s the strongest. But Link and Sheik still tie up with him in knuckle locks. Ganondorf uses his strength to push both Sheik and Link, forcing them both to bend back. Link and Sheik each try to push him back with both hands but it’s not enough! Ganondorf gets them in a double cover! ONE as Link and Sheik raise their outer shoulders. Ganondorf pushes those shoulders back down, ONE as they raise their inner shoulders. Ganondorf can’t push those down so he yanks both Link and Sheik up.

Link and Sheik double whip but Ganondorf blocks with size and strength. Ganondorf double whips them and swings double clotheslines but both Link ducks under and Sheik slides. Sheik mule kicks then roundhouses! Link runs back in and Sheik gets clear to let his shotgun dropkick go into Ganondorf! Link kips up as Ganondorf bails out, but goes Matrix as Sheik swings another roundhouse! He kips back up but Sheik spins through to enziguri Link back down! Cover, ONE, but Sheik is on Link with a chinlock. Fans rally up as Sheik grinds and Link endures.

Link fights his way up and slips out to hammerlock. Sheik slips through to hammerlock Link but Link reverses it back. Sheik slips out, clubs Link on the bank and then waistlocks. Link blocks a lift and standing switches. Sheik blocks a lift and standing switches. Link pries free to wrench and wristlock, but Sheik reverses the wristlock. Sheik reels Link into a headlock takeover. Link headscissors but Sheik pops out. Roles reverse as Link headlocks to a takeover but Sheik pops out. The two stand off and fans cheer the technical exchange. Until Ganondorf trips Sheik up and drags him out of the ring. Ganondorf also throws Sheik into railing then BOOTS him over!

Ganondorf leaves Sheik behind but Link PESCADOS! Into Ganondorf’s arms! Ganondorf rams Link into the post then tosses him into the ring. Ganondorf climbs in and stalks behind Link. Link drags himself up the ropes and Ganondorf turns him around to CHOP! And CHOP! Some fans “WOO~” but many boo. Ganondorf whips Link into the corner and runs in for a shoulder ram! Ganondorf sweeps the legs to sit Link down then goes corner to corner. Sheik slips in and follows behind Ganondorf! Ganondorf CANNONBALLS onto Link then Sheik dropkicks Ganondorf while he’s upside-down! Sheik drags Ganondorf to a cover, TWO!

Sheik watches Ganondorf and Link carefully. Ganondorf crawls and Sheik stalks up behind him. Ganondorf gets to his feet but Sheik KICKS a leg! And again as Ganondorf is on the ropes. Ganondorf ends up in a corner and Sheik storms over, but Ganondorf DECKS him with a right hand. Sheik falls onto all fours, and Link runs in, using Sheik as a step stool! Poetry in Motion hits Ganondorf, but then Sheik huricanranas Link! Link handsprings through, shocking Sheik! Ganondorf shoves Sheik into the air, Link catches Sheik in a waistlock, and Link German Suplexes Sheik away! Link sits up to get Ganondorf’s Penalty Kick!

Fans boo and troll with “You Still Suck! You Still Suck!” Ganondorf waves a hand dismissively at the fans as he stalks up behind Sheik. He brings Sheik up to put him in the corner and on the top rope. Ganondorf climbs up to join Sheik but Sheik fights back with forearms. Sheik headbutts and kicks Ganondorf down then adjusts. Sheik leaps and Meteoras Ganondorf down! Cover, TWO! Link sunset flips Sheik, TWO and Sheik sits on Link! TWO as Link sunset flips back, TWO as Sheik sits back on Link! TWO, sunset flip, TWO, back to Sheik, TWO, sunset flip, TWO! Fans cheer for this new exchange, but Ganondorf grabs and dead lift suplexes Sheik to a JACKHAMMER! Cover, but Link kicks from the mat to hit Ganondorf in the face!

Ganondorf checks his face, then glares at Link! Link stares Ganondorf down as both men rise. Fans cheer more as Ganondorf shouts, “C’mon, then!” and eggs Link on. Link chops back hand and chops over hand, then chops back hand again! But Ganondorf just laughs it off and CHOPS Link off his feet! Sheik flies in from outta nowhere to knee Ganondorf in the head! Instant replay shows Sheik got to the apron to springboard in! Ganondorf staggers into the ropes and Sheik stalks up behind him. Ganondorf swings a chop, but Sheik gets under to springboard again! QUEBRADA, but Ganondorf catches him! Ganondorf swings Sheik but Sheik counters to a DDT! Cover, TWO!

Sheik looks between Ganondorf and Link and sees Link sit up. Sheik runs over but Link ducks the Penalty Kick! Link rolls back and reaches up to headscissor Sheik. Sheik handsprings through but into Ganondorf’s tackle! Ganondorf powers Sheik into Link and then rams them both into the corner! Ganondorf rams his shoulder in a few more times before running corner to corner. He comes back but Sheik and Link both slip out to the apron on opposite sides of the corner! Ganondorf’s splash hits buckles, and then Link and Sheik hit Ganondorf with a gamangiri-enziguri sandwich!

Ganondorf falls against buckles, and Sheik swings in to METEORA him in the back! Link waits as Ganondorf falls backward, before hitting a slingshot elbow drop! Cover, but Sheik drags him off! Link gets to his feet in a huff and stares down with Sheik. Link shrugs with arms out as if to ask what Sheik’s up to. Sheik says he remembers their talk a few weeks ago, and the offer he made to work together. But Sheik only now says he meant Link would help him win, not the other way around. Link scowls in displeasure and turns to go back to Ganondorf. Sheik turns Link around but gets DECKED by a right haymaker!

Link looms over Sheik but Ganondorf gets Link in a waistlock for a GERMAN SUPLEX! Bridging cover, but Sheik hurries to leap over and Superman Clutch! It’s a double cover! TWO!! Everyone scrambles to their feet as fans fire up. Link gives Sheik a ROUNDHOUSE, then spin mule kicks Ganondorf. He rolling elbows Sheik into the corner then keeps spinning to ROUNDHOUSE Ganondorf! Link runs in at Sheik for a corner Shining Wizard! Then Link gets Sheik and Ganondorf with the bulldog clothesline combo! Fans fire up with Link as he fires up. Link watches Ganondorf and Sheik both sit up, and he fires off kicks! A kick for Ganondorf, a kick for Sheik, repeat! Fans chant “HAH! HAH!” to echo the noises Link makes with every strike!

Sheik falls over first but Ganondorf stays up, so Link builds up energy and takes aim. BUZZSAW! Ganondorf flops over and Link covers, but Sheik breaks it! Sheik grabs an arm and drags Link around, but Link rolls Sheik up! TWO but Link dead lifts Sheik! SIT-OUT BOMB! Cover, TWO!! Sheik survives but Link stays fired up. Link brings Sheik back up but Sheik breaks free to throw fast palm strikes and a rolling elbow! Sheik runs to tilt-o-whirl headscissors! Link bails out but Sheik goes to the ropes, slingshot PLANCHA! Direct hit knocks Link down but Sheik hurries back up to aim at Ganondorf! Sheik springboards for another QUEBRADA! But Ganondorf catches Sheik again!

Sheik kicks and flails to slip backwards into a dragon sleeper! Sheik cranks back on Ganondorf’s neck, but Ganondorf reaches up. Ganondorf grabs at Sheik’s head and pulls on the mask! Sheik holds onto the hold even as Ganondorf throws a big knee into his face! Ganondorf drops and snapmares Sheik over, and pulls at the mask more! Sheik grabs at the mask to keep it on, but Ganondorf uses that to throw Sheik over the ropes! The mask tears and Sheik hits the apron on the way down to the ground! Sheik is completely unmasked!!

Wait. We could always see some blonde hair peeking out from under the mask, but now that Sheik is completely exposed, that haircut looks familiar. Sheik stands up, and everyone can see thanks to the camera on him. Sheik is ZELDA?! King Nicolas’ own daughter, who has struggled with a losing record in the Hyrule Puro-Resu Women’s Division, has been in this match the entire time?!?

King Nicolas gets up from his seat and grabs a mic to shout, “Stop the match! Stop the match!” Fans are confused and some boo, and both Ganondorf and Link are shocked. Ganondorf’s shock also turns to anger as he accuses King Nicolas of something underhanded. But King Nicolas assures everyone that he had no idea Zelda was Sheik! If he did, he wouldn’t have let her be in the tournament. Zelda storms over and grabs herself a mic to speak now.

“Yes! Yes, I’ve been Sheik this entire time! But it was for good reason!” First, Zelda could NOT allow Ganondorf to become world champion! Ganondorf is arrogant and selfish, along with power hungry and cruel! And just look at the way he slurps his soup! Zelda makes exaggerated sucking noises while mocking Ganondorf using utensils. “What an asshole!” Fans love that burn and Ganondorf tells them to shut up. Zelda continues to say that she has nothing against Link, but her other reason for wanting the title is to prove another point.

Zelda speaks of her trainer, the legendary Impa. Impa was a great women’s champion. She was a great Hebra Women’s Champion, a great Akala Women’s Champion, a great Necluda Women’s Champion, even a great Termina Women’s Champion! But Zelda wants us to note something: Impa was always the Women’s Champion. She was never allowed to be THE champion. If Impa was a man, she would’ve been the Hebra Champion, the Akala Champion, and so on. She asks her father, the king, if she’s wrong. He doesn’t say anything.

Zelda also has a third reason she became the wrestler known as “Sheik” and entered the Triforce tournament. As daughter of King Nicolas, would she honestly be taken serious in the HPW Women’s Division? There were already whispers that she was only in the company because of her father. Zelda took it upon herself to “get out from under the cloud” hanging over her head, and she went to Impa for training. And whether anyone likes it or not, disguised as Sheik or not, Zelda still won every match in that tournament. Zelda, Sheik, it doesn’t matter, because she EARNED her place in this match! It seems fans do like that!

“But pro-wrestling has never had full co-ed competition!” King Nicolas isn’t sure about bucking tradition like this. Zelda walks up to her father and says she’s still his little girl, but she’s not a child anymore. She can handle herself, and has proven that! Fans continue to cheer, and the reluctance is clear on the king’s face. He’ll let Zelda compete! “Restart the match!” Fans explode with cheers as history gets even more historic!

HPW Triforce Championship Triple Threat: Ganondorf Dragmire VS Link VS Zelda!

Both Zelda and Link return to the ring and have a triple stare down with Ganondorf as they stand in a triangle. It is another fitting stand-off now that we know the truth of this match. History will be made but now it could be even more historic! Will the first ever world champion be male or female? Gerudo or Hylian? Powerful, wise or courageous!?

The three stare down again as fans are still fired up. Sheik fans are now Zelda fans, and they’ve combined forces with Zelda fans to cheer her on. Link has his fans for a close second, and Ganondorf is in a distant third, if anyone is even cheering for him at all. The three approach but there’s no call for a Test of Strength this time. Ganondorf glares at Link and Link glares back. Ganondorf then glares at Zelda, and Zelda glares back. But then Link glares at Zelda, too?! Zelda notices that and starts to look worried, but Ganondorf CHOPS Link!

Zelda aims but Ganondorf blocks her superkick. Ganondorf sends the kick into Link but Link blocks it, too. Ganondorf then kicks Zelda in the leg! Zelda hobbles with her charlie horse but Link grabs Ganondorf’s arm to wrench it and drag Ganondorf down! They go around as Link works to get a hammerlock. Link manages La Magistrol, but Zelda breaks the cover! Zelda hammer fists Link in the back but he bails out to then PELE Zelda away! Ganondorf gets up and grabs Zelda for HUGE overhead belly2belly suplex! She hits hard and bails out on the far side while Ganondorf goes after Link. Link enziguris Ganondorf first then hotshots him away!

Link aims from the apron as Ganondorf is down, but then he gets an idea. He looks down at the ring itself, and specifically under where he stands on the apron. Link keeps an eye on Ganondorf as he hops down. Link pulls up the apron skirt and starts looking under the ring! Fans start chanting, “Nana nana, nana nana, nana nana, nana nana… NA NA NA NAAA~!” It’s a TABLE! Fans erupt with excitement and Link grins, but then Ganondorf WRECKS him with a baseball slide dropkick! Ganondorf goes out and looks at the table. Ganondorf laughs as he pushes the table back under the ring, and fans boo. Not that Ganondorf cares.

Ganondorf drags Link up but Link breaks free to enziguri him again! Ganondorf staggers, Link HOOK SHOT KICKS him! Link takes aim as Ganondorf falls to a knee. Link runs in but Ganondorf ducks the Shining Wizard! Only for Link to come back with the BOOMERANG mule kick! Link kicks Ganondorf out of the way, so that he can bring the table back out! Fans cheer again as Link starts setting the table up. He has to stomp Ganondorf down during, but he does get the table on its legs! Link drags Ganondorf up and over and onto the table. But Ganondorf fights back, and RAMS Link into the apron!

Ganondorf clubs Link on his back and puts him on the apron. Ganondorf clubs Link over, and over, and over again! He even climbs up to stomp Link on the apron! Ganondorf drags Link up and brings him over, looking at the table! Fans anticipate what’s coming as Ganondorf brings Link in. Ganondorf lifts Link up to a Hebran rack, but Link kicks and flails! Link slips off and lands on the apron. Link elbows Ganondorf in the back, then puts on a waistlock! Ganondorf grabs ropes to hang on for dear life! Link clubs Ganondorf on his back over, and over, and over again to get Ganondorf to let go. Link puts the waistlock back on and lifts! Ganondorf kicks and flails as fans freak out. Link ends up rotating, and Zelda returns by climbing up top!

Fans chant “Please Don’t Die! Please Don’t Die!” as Zelda leaps! METEORA GERMAN SUPLEX ON THE APRON!! Link and Zelda still take hard landings, with Link checking the back of his head while Zelda checks her nose. Fans are losing their minds while Link and Zelda realize they’re both okay. But that they can both take advantage of Ganondorf. They both rush into the ring and drag Ganondorf to the center, then they both cover! Zelda pushes Link off to keep the cover to herself but Link pushes her off. Link points at her but she slaps his finger away. “Don’t you point at me!” But he points at her again, and she again slaps his hand away. Then he points with his other finger, so she grabs it and bends it back!

Ganondorf sits up and grabs them both by the throats! He stands up but they both break free. Link and Zelda double wrench, kick his legs out, and then kick sandwich him! Ganondorf is on his knees gasping for air while Link and Zelda look at each other. They both still have wrist control, so they stand side by side. DOUBLE LIGHT ARROWS!! The knees smash Ganondorf down! But again, there’s the issue of the cover! Zelda pushes Link, so Link pushes back. Zelda pushes again, so Link pushes again, only for Zelda to HEADBUTT this time! Link staggers from the “Hylian Kiss”, and Zelda grabs him in a chicken wing! Zelda gets the sleeper hold and drags Link down to the mat! It’s the IMPA LOCK! Zelda is using the submission hold of her mentor!!

Link kicks and rolls back to a cover, TWO as Zelda lets him free. Zelda enziguris but Link ducks. He reels her into a wheelbarrow and lifts but she rolls through to a victory roll, DOUBLE STOMPS! Zelda runs while Link gasps for air, and she comes back with the SLIDING LARIAT! Cover, TWO! Fans are thunderous while Zelda grows frustrated. Zelda drags Link up and throws a right palm strike then a left then another right, and then fast strikes to the chest. Zelda spins but Link ROCKS her with a right! He gets her in a waistlock and hits a German Suplex! Bridging cover, TWO, but Link holds on. Link drags Zelda up, for another German Suplex! Link doesn’t bother bridging this time, and brings Zelda back up. He tries a third time but Zelda blocks. She pries at the hold, standing switches, but Link blocks her lift.

Link drops down and bridges to pop out and switch, then hits a third German Suplex! Bridging cover again, TWO!! So close and yet so far for the Hero of Kakariko! Link gets up and brings Zelda up again but she quickly cradle counters! TWO, and Zelda swings a heel kick! Link goes down in a heap and Zelda covers, but Ganondorf breaks it!! Ganondorf still lives, and he drags Zelda up. Zelda throws body shots but Ganondorf clubs her on the back. Ganondorf bumps Zelda off buckles, then again, and again! Ganondorf hoists Zelda up to the top rope then starts to climb, only to notice the table. He grins, and fans anticipate where this is going as he goes to the apron. Ganondorf climbs up from the outside, but Zelda fights back! She throws body shots and clubbing forearms and gets Ganondorf to back down.

Zelda adjusts, but is wary on the very top, and Ganondorf trips her! Ganondorf drags Zelda off the top rope, and again fans get loud as they anticipate what’s about to happen! Ganondorf brings Zelda up, GANON BOMB THROUGH THE TABLE!! Fans lose their minds all over again while King Nicolas is in shocked horror! King Nicolas shouts for his daughter while Ganondorf laughs. Ganondorf goes back to Link in the ring, who is just as shocked. But now, it looks like it’s just the two of them left. The two circle as fans continue the fever pitch. They approach and tie up, Link wrenches to a wristlock but Ganondorf throws a BIG right forearm! Link stays standing and grimaces as Ganondorf eggs him on. Link throws a forearm back, but so does Ganondorf!

Ganondorf laughs and taunts Link, so Link throws another forearm. They brawl now, going back and forth, forearm for forearm! Link gets an edge, but Ganondorf ROCKS him with just one! Ganondorf laughs again as he dares Link to come back. Link fires up and the fans fire up with him. Link grits his teeth, reels back and throws a HUGE forearm! Ganondorf actually staggers! Ganondorf is suddenly mad that Link stepped up to his challenge! He glares at Link, who defiantly puffs out his chance. Ganondorf reels back and Link braces himself, but then Ganondorf knees low! Fans boo as Ganondorf whips Link to ropes. Ganondorf swings, Link ducks and dodges and hits a big back elbow! Ganondorf is down and Link fires up as the fans reach a fever pitch!

Link drags Ganondorf up and tries for a suplex, but Ganondorf resists. Link throws body shots, then clubbing forearm after clubbing forearm. Ganondorf drops to a knee, and Link manages to dead lift FALCON ARROW! Cover, TWO! Link grits his teeth as he goes to a corner. He climbs up top and aims at Ganondorf. Link leaps, corkscrew shooting star, the FIRE ARROW! It hits, but Link won’t stop there! Link goes back up top to corkscrew moonsault for the ICE ARROW! Cover, TWO!! Ganondorf survives the “three arrow” combination that defeated Agahnim! But the fans are still cheering for Link as he gets back to his feet. Link goes to the apron and watches Ganondorf slowly rise to his feet. Link slingshots for the SLING SHOT, but Ganondorf stays standing! Ganondorf withstands the move that defeated Yuga!

Link runs, Ganondorf spins but Link slides under the discus lariat! Link turns around to HOOK SHOT! Ganondorf staggers off ropes and Link reels him in. Link tries to powerbomb lift Ganondorf but Ganondorf back drops! Link sunset flips through, but Ganondorf blocks with size and strength. Ganondorf drags Link up, then pops him up for a GANON BOMB!! High stack cover, TWO!?! No one can believe it!! Link is the first person to survive a Ganon Bomb!! Ganondorf’s face shows how much he’s shocked! But then his shock turns to… a grin!? Ganondorf drags Link up again and puts him in a corner. Ganondorf CHOPS and CHOPS and CHOPS Link in the chest! Link clutches his stinging chest but Ganondorf puts him up top. Ganondorf climbs up to join Link, but Link resists the superplex.

Ganondorf clubs Link on the back and again, then tries again. Link still resists, fights back and adjusts. Link sunset flips over but Ganondorf holds on! Now Ganondorf resists as Link wants the powerbomb! Ganondorf punches down but Link moves, and Ganondorf punches the buckle! Link grabs the hand and pulls to tuck Ganondorf in for a SUPERKICK! Then Link gets back under Ganondorf, for a RUNNING BOMB!! Cover, TWO!! Faron Woods is thunderous as Link watches Ganondorf sit up. Ganondorf laughs as he eggs Link on. Link buzzsaws, then immediately heel kicks! Link takes a step back to aim and power up as Ganondorf slumps over. SPIN ATTACK SPECIAL! Direct hit but Link won’t stop there! Link drags Ganondorf up to underhook and lift but Ganondorf is still big. So Link settles for an underhook facebuster, The Helm Splitter! Cover, TWO!?!?

Link is shocked and Faron Woods can’t believe it! But Link wrenches and KICKS Ganondorf in the chest. And again! And again! Kick after kick after kick, and then reels Ganondorf in for a COMPLETE SHOT! Link keeps hold to drag Ganondorf back up, BLADE RUNNER! And then Link has both wrists, LIGHT ARROW!! Cover, LINK WINS!!

Winner: Link, by pinfall (INAUGURAL HPW Hyrule Triforce Champion)

History and destiny converge with victory! The Triforce Champion has been chosen, and it is a young man from Kakariko! The emotion of this moment shows on Link’s face as he sits in the middle of the ring. King Nicolas brings the title belt into the ring, but Zelda also gets back in. Link is on his guard as she hobbles over. Zelda stares Link down, but then holds out a hand. Everyone is surprised, and a few fans are wary, but Link accepts the handshake. Zelda raises the new champion’s hand in victory, and even helps put the belt on around his waist.

King Nicolas takes up a mic to speak to the new champion. “Well done, Link! You’re HPW’s first world champion, and by extension, Hyrule’s first world champion. The birds are singing. Isn’t it beautiful? You, Link, are the champion of Hyrule!” Faron Woods cheers again as Tiger Sahasrahla presents Link with a bouquet. Does the new champion have anything to say? Link takes the mic and looks at Zelda. “I guess that’s worth a kiss, huh?” Zelda laughs and says, “What?” “I won!” Link drops the mic and the streamers fly! Fans cheer and even laugh as the new Hero of Hyrule holds his hands up in victory! But how long will he reign atop HPW as Triforce Champion?

 


 

My Thoughts:

April Fools’, obviously! This article was originally written with April Fool’s Day purely in mind, but how strange for our world to be in such disarray around this time. Now more than before, I felt this little bit of fanfiction would be something fun for everyone to enjoy. I’m not even the biggest Legend of Zelda fan, and this was all inspired by something that inspired me to design that Hyrule Triforce Championship belt. After making the belt, it just sprouted into this alternate universe that combines some great interests of mine, chief among them actually being writing fiction period.

This piece is also meant to be a thank you to The Chairshot for having me join up with them. I was really struggling in many different ways over three years ago, and I joined up with the group before it was even called The Chairshot. I believe it was “Pro-Wrestling Dot Biz” back then. And now we’ve also partnered with eWrestlingNews. To any of our readers from both The Chairshot and EWN who happen to be reading this, or even just took the time to click on this article, I thank you. And if you actually did like this, please let me know in the comments either directly on the site or through social media. There’s a good chance I’ll come up with more for some sort of special occasion, or if things really are that desperate.


Powered by RedCircle


Let us know what you think on social media @ChairshotMedia and always remember to use the hashtag #UseYourHead!
Advertisement
Comments

Bandwagon Nerds

BWN Nerds’ Movie Review: Kong: Skull Island (2017)

The Nerds are back to a more normal format for this review! German Judge Patrcik O’Dowd returns to help Dave and guest reviewer Rey Cash on Kong: Skull Island (2017)!

Published

on

Welcome to this week’s edition of the Nerd Review!  Every week the Nerds give you their take on a different classic from the Nerdosphere.  This week Dave and Patrick and, making his Nerd review debut, Rey Cash review 2017’s Kong: Skull Island!!

The Flick:  Kong: Skull Island

What’s it About:  A team of researchers receive a grant from the government in the wake of the Vietnam war to explore a mysterious island discovered in the Pacific Ocean.  Upon arrival to Skull Island, the team finds a lush paradise teeming with life…and a dangerous secret.

Metacritic Score: 62

The Nerds’ Take on Kong: Skull Island (2017):

Patrick:  Oh my, it is good to be back!  I hope you all missed me as much as I missed writing these reviews.  Last week, Dave kicked off our Kaiju run to Godzilla vs. Kong with his review of 2014’s Godzilla.  This week, we tackle the other half of the Kaiju showdown with a review of 2017’s Kong: Skull Island.  I gotta say, I picked the right movie for my triumphant return.

The first rule of any good Kaiju movie is that the human characters are completely secondary to the film itself.  The movie is all about the monsters.  Forty-Five minutes into the film, Kong: Skull Island completely embraces this philosophy.  The story follows a familiar arc to those familiar with the character.  In this iteration, a pair of “geologists” convince a senator to fund a research expedition to an uncharted island in the Pacific.  The pair secure their funding, a military escort, and hire a retired SAS agent to act as a guide.  Along the way, the group is joined by a photographer and a second research team.  Of course, upon the group’s arrival to the island it is revealed that the geologists are monster hunters who have been looking for proof that giant creatures exist.  And boy, do they ever.  As the team sets off seismic charges (explosives) disrupting the life on the island, Kong emerges and wipes out most of the team.  However, nothing is what it appears and as the survivors delve deeper into the island, they learn the truth behind Kong and Skull Island.

I am sure Dave will give a much more detailed plot description, so I’m just going to dive into the good.  Monster fights.  Loads and loads of monster fights.  Once we get past the ho-hum exposition of who the human characters are and get to the island, we get scene after scene of Kaiju attacking, roaring and dominating our senses.  The special effects are terrific, especially the work done to bring Kong to life.  He’ terrifying and for a CGI character really carries a commanding presence.  And then there are the monster battles.  Again, the special effects team really outdid themselves.  The climactic battle between Kong and the largest of the Skull Crawlers is truly epic in scope and feel.  My only regret is that I didn’t catch this movie on an IMAX screen.  I imagine the experience would have been even more magnificent than it was on my tiny television.

The cast is loaded with talent.  Tom Hiddleston plays Conrad, the former SAS operative hired as a guide for the team.  He’s clearly cinched in as the human protagonist and the rational member of the group.  Brie Larson plays an antiwar photographer Mason Weaver, in a role that can best be described as minimal.  She’s a part of the team, but outside being a sounding board for Conrad and the maiden to be rescued by Kong, she doesn’t do much else.  Samuel L. Jackson is cast as Colonel Preston Packard, the commanding officer of the US Military escort driven mad with a desire to stop at nothing to kill Kong.  A tropey character type for sure, but necessary.  For me though the performance of the film comes from John C. Reilly.  Reilly plays Marlow, a soldier who crash landed on the island during the 1940s, yet managed to survive by endearing himself to indigenous people on the island.  He provides the audience with much needed plot points regarding the island and, more importantly, the creatures therein.  Reilly’s Marlow is quirky, but not too funny, and very relatable as a man who just wants to go back home and have a hot dog.

I really, really enjoyed this iteration of the Kong Story.  As is typical for the character, Kong is the hero of the tail whereas man is the threat.  This idea is even more pronounced in this film as it is the expedition team’s destruction of the island prompts Kong’s hostilities.  While the human characters are the audience’s anchor to the story, Kong is the star.  This film was a lot of fun and I really enjoyed it.  Totally worth the two hour run time to watch.

Patrick’s Rating: 4.29/5.0

Dave After my somewhat tepid review of Godzilla last week, I went into this week’s assignment with somewhat low expectations. I had never seen Kong: Skull Island before and had heard mixed things about it. After watching it though, I can say this: It is a monstrous improvement over Godzilla (pun intended) and sets the stage for Legendary’s MonsterVerse much more effectively than Godzilla did.

Usually, I save a discussion of the cast for the end of these reviews. But for Kong: Skull Island, you almost have to address it at the beginning as it is the cast, and the chemistry they have, that sets this movie apart from Godzilla. There is a simple reason for that: We end up with a mini-MCU reunion here. Samuel L. Jackson plays Col. Packard, Tom Hiddleston plays James Conrad, and Brie Larson plays Mason Weaver. So, right off the bat, you have actors very familiar with each other (especially Jackson and Hiddleston from their portrayals as Nick Fury and Loki) and you can see how this familiarity translates into some exceptional performances that, to a certain extent, Godzilla lacked. Add in John Goodman and John C. Reilly and there was star power aplenty for this movie.

The premise of the movie is familiar to anyone who has been a King Kong fan at any point in their life. Bill Randa (Goodman) a high-ranking official with Monarch Corporation, with a lot of help from geologist Houston Brooks, convinces a US Senator (played by Richard Jenkins) to help fund an expedition to a strange island in the South Pacific, known as Skull Island. It is surrounded by a perpetual storm system, which has allowed it to elude discovery…. until now. Meanwhile, the Vietnam War is ending and Col. Packard is looking for one last assignment. He is asked to be the Military detail on Randa’s expedition to Skull Island. Conrad is hired on an as an expert tracker while Weaver comes aboard as a photographer. Once the group reaches Skull Island, they drop seismic charges to map out the island. This pisses off Kong, a 100-foot-tall ape (roughly 50 feet taller than he has been portrayed previously), who has his way with the helicopters and kills at least half of the men on those helicopters.

The survivors are spread across the island. Packard leads a group to try to get to the crash site of one of the helicopters that has weapons on board that he feels can kill Kong. Conrad and Weaver lead a different group and they stumble across the remnants of a civilization of indigenous people. Among them is Hank Marlow (Reilly). Marlow crashed on the island with a Japanese pilot named Gunpei at the very beginning of the movie and they encountered Kong. The two men were then stranded on the island for some 28 years, ever since the end of World War II. Without a war to fight, the two men become closer than brothers and are befriended by the people of Skull Island. Gunpei eventually dies leaving Marlow to only hope and pray for an eventual return to civilization. It is here that the usual Kong lore gets tilted quite a bit. Marlow explains that Kong is a god to the people and actually protects them from a subterranean race of reptilian creatures that he calls Skullcrawlers. Many of these Skullcrawlers killed off all of Kong’s species, save for him, and the natives believe that if Kong dies, an enormously large Skullcrawler that Marlow calls “The Big One” will emerge and threaten the entire planet.

This leads to some significant conflict between Packard, Conrad, Marlow, and Weaver. Packard is hell bent on killing Kong and, after the survivors are reunited, he tells them they have to go and find Chapman, one of his missing men. Chapman, meanwhile, has been devoured by a Skullcrawler. Packard leads the group into a mass grave where the skeletons of Kong’s species are located. Naturally, a pack of Skullcrawlers emerge and lay waste to much of the group. Packard remains undeterred to kill Kong but once the rest of the group learn his real intentions, they are not willing to follow. The groups split up again and Packard’s group is able to render Kong unconscious. But Conrad is able to intervene before Packard detonates explosives that will kill Kong. Unfortunately, all the activity attracts the attention of The Big One and this leads to a titanic showdown between Kong and The Big One. Based on the upcoming sequel, it is obvious who wins…. but it’s still a damn good throw down.

This movie does a lot of things right. It is fun, fast-paced, and does a great job of introducing just enough cool creatures to give Kong a good challenge without over whelming you with too many creatures. There are several characters you really care about and Jackson does a great job of making you genuinely dislike Packard, who gradually comes unhinged as the movie goes along. What I absolutely loved about the movie were the subtle tweaks it made to Kong lore. It took several well-established elements and gave them just enough of a fresh coat of paint to make the movie really stand out. This is most notable in two places. Weaver is the person who connects with Kong the most. But even though she is a female, her connection with Kong is not on the romantic or quasi-sexual nature that it was portrayed in the 1933 original, the 1976 remake, or even the 2005 reboot (a prime example of monster/creature over saturation). It is a subtle connection and it is done very well. Then there is Kong himself. In the 1933, 1976, and 2005 movies, Kong is always the misunderstood creature who dies in the end to protect the woman he loves. It is always heartbreaking, especially in 1976 and 2005. Here though, Legendary gave us what many of us wanted: Kong as the hero who survives and, obviously, lives to fight another day. I have always been a huge fan of the 1976 movie. Kong: Skull Island was almost as good.

It is, of course, not perfect. The Skullcrawlers were cool creatures, and a big step up from the MUTOs in Godzilla. But they are still not quite the perfect antagonist. Perhaps that was intentional as man has always been Kong’s most dangerous opponent. Still, something was missing from there a bit. There is some obvious romantic/sexual tension between Conrad and Weaver that never plays out that could have added an element to the story. And, similar to Bryan Cranston in Godzilla, John Goodman did not last nearly long enough. But these are really minor complaints. Kong: Skull Island is a very good movie and the true starting point for the MonsterVerse. Make sure you check out the post-credit scene that really sets the stage for Godzilla: King of the Monsters and introduces the concept that the planet has never been ours….and the monsters are about to retake it. More on that next week. As for Kong: Skull Island, this is how a reboot should be done and I highly recommend you check it out.

Dave’s Rating: 4.25/5

Rey’s Take:  As a younger guy, I’m not well versed on the history of King Kong movies.  I mean, I get it.  Big monkey in the wild scares small white people, and big monkey falls in love with cute white woman, then big monkey gets killed or captured trying to save white woman.  The story is very easy to digest and understand.  And that very reason is why I loved Kong: Skull Island.  It takes that ideal, the big monkey in the wild having an unnatural relationship with a white woman, but it flips it.  In this story, Kong is the good guy!  Kong is actually the hero!

Not only is Kong the hero, but there are actually 3 antagonists!  First off, there’s John Goodman’s government lackey Bill Randa.  Randa was so obsessed with finding Kong and the mysterious Skull Island, so much so that he knowingly put his people and the troops set to escort him in danger.  We’ve seen a number of movies where man meddling with science comes back to bite them, and this is no different.  Randa’s exuberance soon becomes his demise, as nobody was prepared for what they were dealing with.

Secondly, we have the monster antagonists of the movie – the Skullcrawlers.  As is such in a kaiju/monster movie, the beauty is in the destruction.  And oh, what glorious destruction there is between Kong and a number of giant reptilian monsters.  This fight is what leads us to find John C. Reilly’s fantastic character, Air Force Lieutenant Hank Marlow, who was stuck on Skull Island since 1944.  He’s the person that lets us know, along with the quiet and workmanlike Iwi tribe, that Kong is actually their protector and is the latest in a line of Titans that used to rule the Earth.  Important foreshadowing for a certain mega movie coming out soon, wink wink.

Finally, we have the best character in the whole movie.  Samuel L. Jackson’s Lieutenant Colonel Preston Packard is a ball as the angry army lifer who isn’t ready to give up the life and is willing to die for his cause.  His beef with Kong isn’t even rooted in logic.  He just wants to kill something.  He just wants to continue to feel like a soldier.  He essentially just wants to do his job.  And the dichotomy his brigade has between following their leader and realizing what’s actually happening in front of them is just damn good movie viewing.

Most monster movies don’t have much heart.  Ultimately, they’re big blow up movies when it comes down to it.  This movie, however, has heart in spades.  Each character has defined character motivations.  Kong goes from being the destructive villain that must be vanquished to becoming the misunderstood hero who actually does the vanquishing.  Not often that you get that much out of a movie about a big monkey.

Rey’s Rating: 4.5/5

 

Overall Nerds’ Kong: Skull Island (2017) Rating: 4.35/5.0


Powered by RedCircle


Let us know what you think on social media @ChairshotMedia and always remember to use the hashtag #UseYourHead!
Continue Reading

Entertainment

Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu Results & Report! (3/3/21)

It’s the Bracket Finals!!

Published

on

The Legend of Zelda: The Ring of Destiny, Chapter 13

FINALLY! The Second HPW Triforce Tournament reaches the Bracket finals! Who will take the Triforces of Power, Wisdom and Courage this year?

OFFICIAL RESULTS

  • Death Mountain Championship Open Challenge: Gold Lynel VS Humbirdo Carito; Lynel wins and retains the title.
  • HPW Trios Championship #1 Contender’s No Holds Barred match: The Dark Forces VS uWo; uWo wins and will challenge Forged By Violence at Triforce Anniversary.
  • Bracket of Wisdom Finals: Hilda VS Cia; Hilda wins and advances to the Triforce Anniversary.
  • Bracket of Courage Finals: Ravio VS Ghirahim; Ravio wins and advances to the Triforce Anniversary.
  • Bracket of Power Finals: Yuga VS Ganondorf; Yuga wins and advances to the Triforce Anniversary.

PLAY BY PLAY

Here is the updated tournament bracket!

Triforce Tournament Bracket Finals

HPW and HXS TV set the scene!

A tradition is being built before our very eyes! The Second Triforce Tournament is into the third round, and the Bracket Finals have returned! Ganondorf is going for history all over again as he’s made it back to the end of the Bracket of Power! But the Artist, Yuga, stands in his way! Yuga himself has found ways to get around bigger and stronger opponents, will he have a trick up his sleeve for the Gerudo Ace? “Her Grace” Hilda and the Dark Sorceress each had intense showdowns in the second round, and now collide to follow in Zelda’s footsteps! And in quite the twist, Ravio was the first person to get a bye in the second round to be in the finals! Will that time off help or hurt him against the determined and vicious Living Blade?

Plus, as announced just over 10 days ago, the HPW Trios Champions will know who their next challengers are! While the Dark Forces look to settle things with the newly formed uWo, they will also be battling for a shot at Forged By Violence! Can Volga contain his fury so that he, Gibdo and Wizzro can go for gold? HPW in Necluda Ash Swamp begins now!

 

Gold Lynel is here?!

Well this is unexpected! The Death Mountain Champion is not part of the tournament so why is he going to the ring? He asks for a mic and is given one so that he can speak. “HPW Management is rather lazy, aren’t they? They sure drag their feet, don’t they? I’ve had this title for two whole months, and yet they haven’t given me a single challenger to face. Well, I’m going to take the initiative now! I dare anyone to step out on stage and challenge me for this title!” Fans are shocked to see this boldness, but he wouldn’t be the One True Monster if he was willing to sit around and do nothing! A call comes in, and despite Lynel’s attitude, management is approving this match!

So who answers Lynel’s challenge? HUMBIRDO CARITO! The young high-flyer wants to climb Death Mountain, but will he be grounded then ground into dust?

Death Mountain Championship Open Challenge: Gold Lynel VS Humbirdo Carito!

The introductions were already given so the belt is raised, and this surprise title match kicks off things in Necluda!

Carito slowly approaches Lynel, but Lynel stays put. Lynel puts his hands up in a stance, Carito calls for a knuckle lock and Lynel follows. They tie up, Carito wrenches an arm and then hooks a leg, but Lynel resists being dragged down. Lynel powers up and throws Carito off with that one arm! Carito rolls back to his feet and is wary again. Fans rally up behind Carito as he approaches again. Carito and Lynel tie up, Carito wrenches the other arm this time and pulls on the fingers! Lynel gets mad and he throws Carito again! Carito gets up again, Lynel storms over but Carito gets around and KICKS a leg! Lynel barely flinches, and then he glares as he and Carito circle.

Carito avoids Lynels grip, gives him more kicks to the leg, but Lynel just gets angrier. Lynel corners Carito, but Carito slips out to the apron and swing kicks Lynel in the arm! Lynel still grabs at Carito but Carito slides under, goes around the way, goes up the corner and leaps over Lynel’s horse back! Carito rolls and runs, he slides under Lynel’s boot, and then slips around to the horse back and knees it in the side! Lynel swings a back hand, Carito gets under it, and then Carito runs to springboard and crossbody! But Lynel catches Carito and then POWERSLAMS Carito down! Cover, TWO!! Carito survives and Lynel chuckles while nodding. Perhaps he respects Carito’s toughness.

Lynel drags Carito back up, pats his head, then pushes him to ropes! Lynel scoops Carito but Carito slips out! Carito sits on Lynel’s horse back, but Lynel starts bucking like a bronco! Carito holds on, and fans start counting! Carito only makes it to 5, not the full 8 second ride! Carito flounders up, avoids the clothesline and then runs! Carito comes back, tilt-o-whirls, but Lynel blocks the DDT! Lynel throws Carito, Carito lands on his feet, and Carito dropkicks! Lynel stays up! Carito hurries up, throws hands, Lynel counter punches then push-kicks Carito away! Lynel mule kicks Carito on the rebound, then gut wrenches him up, for a SIT-OUT BOMB! Cover, Lynel wins!

Winner: Gold Lynel, by pinfall (still HPW Death Mountain Champion)

The One True Monster makes quick work of the courageous Carito and retains the title! Will this motivate management to give him more challengers? Or will this scare everyone off from the Death Mountain title completely?

 

HPW Trios Championship #1 Contender’s No Holds Barred match: The Dark Forces VS uWo!

Back to our regularly scheduled programming, this grudge match was created because of the back and forth between these two factions ever since October’s Clash of Fates! ReDead sold out to join Death Sword and Gomess, and now they could be on their way towards the titles! Or will Wizzro returning to the ring as a wrestler and not just a manager help Gibdo and Volga get revenge?

The Dark Forces enter first, but they don’t leave the ring as the uWo make their entrance. “Hollywood” ReDead leads the way with his newfound swagger, but then Volga runs and FLIES out onto all three of them! Direct hit and he bowls all three of them over! Fans fire up but the ref reprimands as Volga drags ReDead up and puts him in the ring! The Dark Forces surround ReDead as he gets up. ReDead looks at each of them, the bell rings, and then they swarm! Fans chant “You Deserve It!” at ReDead as The Dark Forces punch and kick him 3v1! They get him down and start stomping, but then Gomess and Death Sword get in! Gomess DECKS Gibdo while Death Sword BOOTS Wizzro!

Gomess throws Gibdo out and Death Sword CHOKE SLAMS Wizzro! ReDead throws hands on Volga now that it’s 1v1, then whip him. Volga dodges ReDead, springboards and hits a FLYING CHUCK! Gomess rushes Volga, Volga dodges, but Death Sword catches him to a choke grip! Death Sword lifts, Volga flips through the slam, then SOBATS him away! Gomess runs back over and tackles Volga into a corner! Gibdo returns, waistlocks Gomess and GERMAN SUPLEXES him away! The Dark Forces regroup as Wizzro crawls over, and they rush the uWo! Volga SUPERKICKS Death Sword, Gibdo CLOBBERS Gomess and Wizzro dropkicks one of ReDead’s legs!

ReDead hobbles, Wizzro throws hands and Gibdo helps out. Gibdo CLUBS ReDead, brings him around, and puts him in a standing cobra twist! Wizzro goes to the apron, holds Gibdo’s hand to add leverage, then Volga holds Wizzro’s other hand while also grabbing railing! The Dark Forces create a chain to add onto the stretch! ReDead can only endure because this is No Holds Barred! But Gomess comes in from around the way and CLOBBERS Volga! Wizzro leaps onto Gomess but Gomess catches him, to RAM him into the apron! ReDead is still stuck in the cobra twist, though! Death Sword grabs Gibdo by the head and HEADBUTTS him, freeing ReDead in the process.

ReDead angrily stomps Gibdo down. “Why are you still with them?! Don’t you get that they don’t respect you!?” ReDead tells Gibdo he can join the uWo and be part of HPW’s future! ReDead holds out his hand, Gibdo stares at it, and fans duel between “YES! YES!” and “NO! NO!” Gibdo sits up, reaches back, but slaps the hand away! He then gets up to fireman’s carry ReDead! Gibdo starts spinning, and ReDead’s boots hit Death Sword! Gibdo keeps spinning, then slows down for a GORON DROP! Cover, but Gomess breaks it! Gomess hammers away on Gibdo, Death Sword sees Wizzro on the apron and DECKS him!

Gomess double chicken wings Gibdo, Death Sword storms over and mugs Gibdo with body shots. Death Sword headbutts Gibdo again, then Gomess hits a TIGER SUPLEX! Bridging cover, but Volga barrels into Death Sword, and they fall on the cover! Fans fire up as Volga rains down fists on Death Sword, then stomps him! Volga stomps Gomess, too, but ReDead waistlocks him! Volga resists the lift, elbows ReDead over and over, then standing switches. ReDead resists the lift now, backs Volga into a corner, but Wizzro is back! And he is using CAMERA CORD to choke ReDead!! The ref reprimands but that’s about all he can do!

Volga slips out from behind ReDead and throws body shots as Wizzro keeps choking him! Death Sword storms over, Volga elbows him away, CHOPS ReDead, then CHOPS Death Sword. Death Sword laughs that off before he throws a palm strike SLAP! Volga staggers, Death Sword feeds him to Gomess’ DANGEROUS SAIDO! But Gibdo CLOBBERS Gomess! Death Sword grabs Gibdo and chokes him with both hands! Death Sword shouts at Wizzro to stop choking ReDead! Wizzro shots back that he will, only if Death Sword stops choking Gibdo! The two of them agree to let go at the same time, but then hesitate because they don’t trust the other.

Death Sword and Wizzro shout at each other to let go, and then they both count. On three, they both go. But ReDead DECKS Wizzro and Gibdo throat chops Death Sword! ReDead and Gibdo head for each other and start throwing hands! Fans fire up as they go fast and furious! ReDead gets the edge, backs Gibdo down, but Gibdo blocks the whip by holding ropes! Gibdo breaks free, ROCKS ReDead with an uppercut, then ROLLING ELBOW! Gomess clotheslines Gibdo out of the ring! Volga SUPERKICKS Gomess! Volga whips, Gomess reverses but Volga comes back with a SLINGBLADE! Death Sword BLINDSIDES Volga! Wizzro SMACKS Death Sword with a kendo stick!

Wizzro fires off on Death Sword with the stick and fans fire up! He smacks and smacks and smacks, breaking the kendo stick! Wizzro tosses the stick away and stomps away on Death Sword now! Gibdo is getting up on the outside, and he starts looking under the ring. Fans sing “Nana nana, nana nana, nana nana, nana nana… NA NA NA NAAA~!” Gibdo brings out chairs! Lots and lots of chairs! He puts them all in the ring, Wizzro gathers them, and Volga gets up to help out. The Dark Forces drag Death Sword up, put him in a corner, then hoist him up onto the top rope. Wizzro makes sure the chair pile is in the right spot as Volga and Gibdo climb up.

ReDead is up again, and he grabs Wizzro! Gomess attacks Gibdo and Volga at the corner while ReDead pops Wizzro up for a GUTBUSTER! ReDead shifts to a facelock and suplexes Wizzro onto the chair pile! It was a little double-edged, but ReDead drags Wizzro out of the ring as he exits. Gomess drags Volga away from the corner in a sleeper hold! Gomess adds body scissors as he drags Volga down to the mat! Volga can only watch as Death Sword fights Gibdo, then slips down and brings Gibdo up for a POWERBOMB onto the chair pile!! Cover, the UnderWorld Order wins!!

Winners: The uWo, by pinfall (NEW HPW Trios Championships #1 Contenders)

They have the win, but Gomess doesn’t let go of Volga and ReDead is still clubbing away on Wizzro’s back! Death Sword just looms over Gibdo while the ref tries to get Gomess to let Volga go! Other officials rush out to stop ReDead, but he tosses Wizzro over the commentary desk! Volga fades out, Gomess finally lets go! The uWo regroup around Death Sworld as he still stands over Gibdo. ReDead kneels down and again tells Gibdo, “You can join us. You can be part of wrestling’s future.” ReDead stands back up, the uWo leave, but will Gibdo take his former friend up on that offer? Will Forged By Violence be ready for a war with the UnderWorld Order?

 

Bracket of Wisdom Finals: Hilda VS Cia!

Her Grace defeated Master Kohga and Osphala, but perhaps with some help? Someone had to slip her those bananas and cause those technical malfunctions. And usually it’s the Dark Sorceress using tricks and misdirection. Who will pull a fast one on the other first and move to the Triforce Anniversary?

As Cia enters the ring, Hilda mockingly asks what happened to Cia’s friends. Cia gets angry right away but Hilda stays in a corner and referee Maron keeps Cia back. Maron signals, the bell rings, and Cia rushes Hilda! Hilda gets in between the ropes for defense, and Maron again has to keep Cia back. Hilda goes out to the apron and sarcastically says, “Wow!” Maron tells Hilda to get back in the ring, but Hilda is bratty about it. She wants Cia to stay back, and Cia reluctantly goes to a corner while Hilda steps back in. Hilda and Cia finally circle and fans rally up.

Cia and Hilda approach, tie up, are in a deadlock, and then they break. Hilda smirks but Cia snarls and they tie up again. Cia pulls Hilda’s hair and brings her to ropes! Maron reprimands, but then Hilda pulls Cia’s hair! Maron reprimands them both as the two go around like that! She tells them to let go, starts to count, and both women let go of the other’s hair at 4. But Hilda pie faces Cia! Cia’s anger builds and she rushes Hilda, but Hilda baits her towards ropes! Hilda holds ropes down and dumps Cia out, then aims, to slingshot and RANA! Cia is sent into barriers and fans fire up! Hilda gets up, soaks up both cheers and jeers, then throws Cia down by her hair!

Hilda soaks up the heat from the fans while Maron reprimands. Hilda drags Cia up, puts her in the ring, then takes her time soaking in more cheers and jeers before going in. Cia crawls, Hilda stands over her and stomps her down! Hilda drags Cia up by her hair, Maron reprimands, but Hilda wraps on a dragon sleeper, for an inverted suplex! Hilda hooks up Cia’s arms and adds a chinlock, for the CAMEL CLUTCH! Her Grace may be of the new generation but she’s bringing back a classic hold! Fans rally as Cia endures and Hilda pulls back! Cia gets an arm free, and manages to get her legs under her! Cia powers up and pushes up, only for Hilda to CLUB her!

Hilda whips Cia into a corner, runs in and hits a forearm smash! Hilda goes side to side, and hits another forearm smash! Then side to side the other way, for a running CHOP! Hilda stomps Cia down, digs her boots in, but lets off as Maron counts. Hilda stomps Cia a couple more times, then runs corner to corner to come back, and slides to a stop right in front of Cia! To SLAP her! Hilda shows no respect to the former HPW Goddess Champion! Hilda drags Cia back up, wrenches an arm, hammerlocks then facelocks, but Cia powers Hilda into ropes! Maron calls for the ropebreak, starts to count, but Hilda lets go fast. Cia slowly backs up, and SLAPS Hilda back! The feeling is mutual!

Hilda gets mad, Cia eggs her on, and the two star throwing hands! Fans fire up as they go fast and furious! Cia kicks low, front kicks, then whips Hilda to a corner. Cia runs in, Hilda puts up a boot and STOMPS Cia down! Hilda drags Cia back, sits her up, but Cia knows she’s after Her Royal Highness’ Matched Luggage! Cia gets Hilda’s leg, drags her down, and clubs away on Hilda’s back! Cia stomps Hilda more, then runs to LYNEL-SAULT onto Hilda’s back! Cover, TWO! Fans rally up but Cia grows frustrated. Cia grabs Hilda’s legs, drags her back, and works to turn her over, but Hilda resists! Hilda pushes Cia away, then kips up to jump and sunset flip! Cover, TWO!

Cia runs at Hilda but Hilda dodges to run. Hilda ducks the back elbow, springboards and crossbodies! She bounces off the cover but keeps moving to handspring MOONSAULT! Cover, TWO! Hilda gets right on Cia with a facelock and drags her up, but Cia throws body shots. Cia wrenches out to a wristlock, throws elbows into Hilda’s shoulder, then steps over to throw Hilda down for an ARMBAR! Hilda clasps hands to resist, reaches with a leg, but Cia pries at the fingers! Cia gets the hands free! But Hilda scrambles and gets a ropebreak with a foot! Cia holds on until Maron counts 4, and Hilda bails out of the ring.

Maron tells Cia to stay in but Cia refuses and she chases after Hilda. There’s a bit of cat ‘n’ mouse as Hilda goes around the corner, goes in the ring only to go right back out, and then goes back around. Cia is getting angrier as they go closer to commentary. Commentary tells them to stay away but Hilda hides behind Rusl! Cia clambers over the desk to get at her! Hilda runs away to the ring, Cia scrambles back that way, but Cia anticipates Hilda dropping the elbow! Cia avoids that and Hilda clutches her arm, and then Cia is right after it! Hilda scrambles to avoid Cia going right to the Black Magic Crossface!

Cia drags Hilda from ropes, drops a leg on the arm, then shifts to trap the arm. She reaches for the other arm but Hilda keeps moving around. Cia hammers Hilda’s back, grabs the arm, and SNAPS the arm back! Cia did this to Zelda last year! Hilda clutches the arm while she flails and shouts in pain! Maron checks on Hilda as she goes to a corner, but Hilda refuses to let this end the match. Hilda clutches the bad arm as she stands up in the corner, and Cia runs in to KNEE her down! Cia drags Hilda to a cover, TWO! Hilda gets to ropes, Cia goes after her, but Hilda holds the ropes with her good arm and a leg. Maron counts, Cia lets off at 4, but then Cia KICKS the bad arm!

Hilda scrambles along the ropes in pain, Cia follows after, but Maron wants to check with Hilda again. Hilda gets to a corner, Maron backs Cia off, and Hilda slips out of the ring. Maron wants Hilda to stay put, but Hilda… Goes under the ring? Cia and Maron are both confused, but Cia goes out after her. Maron follows and tells Cia to get back in the ring, but then Hilda’s entrance music starts playing! She can’t be re-entering, she’s still under the ring! Maron is confused and she looks to commentary and the timekeeper, but no one has any idea what’s happening. Cia looks under the ring, but Hilda’s crawling out from the opposite side! But then something blasts Cia! Is that fire extinguisher spray?!

Cia screams in pain as her eyes sting and burn! Hilda shrugs, she has no idea what happened. Is that true or is she playing dumb? Hilda gets in the ring, Maron checks on Cia, and medics get Cia water to wash out those eyes. Cia blinks, she can see, and she gets back in the ring, just as stubbornly determined to finish this match! Hilda runs in and bicycle BOOTS Cia down!! Hilda shakes out the bad arm before she drags Cia to a drop zone. Hilda goes up the corner, aims, and 450 SPLASHES! Cover, Hilda wins!!

Winner: Hilda, by pinfall (advances to the Triforce Anniversary)

What a turn of events! Another entrance music mishap, then someone shoots fire extinguisher chemicals at Cia! But without evidence Hilda is behind this, there’s nothing to say she cheated! But as the first one into the Triforce Anniversary Triple Threat, will this conspiracy be able to screw over two opponents at once?

 

Bracket of Courage Finals: Ravio VS Ghirahim!

#Murusagi must have rabbit’s feet, because he got very lucky. Volga and ReDead cost each other last round and he’s here without breaking a sweat! But perhaps the Living Blade will make him shed blood, sweat and tears before eliminating him from the bracket?

As Ravio enters, Ghirahim tells referee Tiger Sahasrahla to check him thoroughly. Ravio doesn’t understand why but Ghirahim says that he watched Ravio’s only other match and how he squirted that oily stuff everywhere! Ravio pretends to have no idea what Ghirahim’s talking about but even with that bunny mask, he doesn’t have the best poker face. Sahasrahla checks Ravio, and yep! There’s a bottle of body oil with little rabbit ears on it, tucked into Ravio’s waistband! Sahasrahla confiscates that, Ghirahim has a smug look on his face, and Ravio is worried now as the bell rings!

Fans chant, “You Suck, Ghirahim, You Suck!” *clap clap* but Ghirahim shouts at them to shut up! “At least I didn’t cheat to win!” Ravio and Ghirahim circle, tie up, and Ghirahim powers Ravio to ropes. Sahasrahla calls for the break, counts, and Ghirahim lets off at 4. Ghirahim shows a chop but that’s a feint, and he laughs as Ravio covers up. Ghirahim waits for Ravio to relax and he pie faces him! Ravio keeps his cool and he circles with Ghirahim again. They tie up, Ravio gets around to waistlock, Ghirahim pries the hold, wrenches out and has a wristlock. Ravio rolls, but Ghirahim grabs the bunny ears to throw him down! Sahasrahla reprimands but Ravio kips up!

Ghirahim grabs the bunny ears again, Sahasrahla reprimands again. Ravio throws body shots, wrenches to a wristlock of his own, but Ghirahim ROCKS him with a forearm! Ravio still holds on, wrenches again, but Ghirahim throws another forearm! Ghirahim wrenches back, grinds the shoulder and brings Ravio to the mat. Ravio endures, fans rally up, and Ravio rolls, spins, gets the arm and WRINGS Ghirahim out! Ghirahim staggers up, Ravio fires off furious fists at the ropes but Sahasrahla counts. Ravio lets off to run, but Ghirahim sends him out to the apron. Ravio counter punches Ghirahim, steps in and hits a TORNADO COMPLETE SHOT! Cover, TWO!

Ravio stomps away on Ghirahim, then runs. Ghirahim avoids the leaping elbow drop! And PENALTY KICKS Ravio down! Cover, TWO! Ghirahim seethes, drags Ravio up into a dragon sleeper, and inverted suplexes! Ghirahim holds on and rolls back to a dragon sleeper stretch! Ravio endures, reaches out with his hands, then his feet. Ghirahim drags Ravio away from the ropes, but Ravio gets his feet under him and pushes back! Ravio turns the dragon sleeper into a cover, TWO and Ghirahim lets Ravio go! Ghirahim swings but Ravio ducks, then comes back to hurdle over Ghirahim, and tilt-o-whirls to headscissor Ghirahim away!

Ghirahim ends up in a corner, Ravio runs in, but Ghirahim moves as Ravio leaps! Ravio lands safe on the second rope but Ghirahim mule kicks the legs out! Ravio gets stuck in the ropes, Ghirahim drags him out in a dragon sleeper, DRAPING INVERTED DDT! Cover, TWO!! Ravio barely kicks out in time, and now he flops out of the ring! Ghirahim hurries out after, then RAMS him into barriers! And RAMS him into the apron! And then RAMS him back into the barriers! Sahasrahla tells Ghirahim to get back in the ring, but Ghirahim brings Ravio around to POST him! Ghirahim puts Ravio back in the ring, drags him to a cover, TWO! Ghirahim grows annoyed but fans rally up.

Ravio sits up and Ghirahim KICKS him in the back! Ghirahim drags Ravio back up, CHOPS him against the ropes, then CHOPS him in the corner. Ghirahim whips Ravio corner to corner hard! Ravio bounces off buckles and hits the mat, then staggers up into Ghirahim’s CHOP! Ravio staggers and falls into the corner, Ghirahim stomps him, then digs his boots in! Sahasrahla counts, Ghirahim stops at 4 and drags Ravio up to whip him corner to corner hard again! Ravio is down again but Ghirahim takes his time walking back over. Ghirahim stands on Ravio’s head and tells him he doesn’t belong in the finals, he’s only here because of “dumb luck.”

Fans boo Ghirahim but he tells them to shut up again. Ghirahim digs his heel into Ravio’s head, but stops as Sahasrahla reprimands. Ghirahim gives toying kicks to Ravio, then KICKS him in the side! Ravio crawls but Ghirahim stomps him down. Ghirahim puts Ravio on the ropes and chokes him! Sahasrahla counts, fans boo, but Ghirahim lets off at 4. Ghirahim grabs Ravio’s legs but Ravio holds onto the ropes. Sahasrahla counts, Ghirahim lets go right away, but Ravio kicks him in the leg! Ghirahim gets angry and he stomps away on Ravio again! Sahasrahla counts, Ghirahim tells him to shut up and then stomps Ravio more.

Sahasrahla backs Ghirahim off, they argue, and Ravio slides out of the ring. Ghirahim sees that, Sahasrahla tells him to stay in the ring but Ghirahim refuses. Ghirahim goes out and pursues Ravio, clobbers him from behind, then pushes him into barriers again! Sahasrahla reprimands, Ghirahim hammers away on Ravio’s head against the barriers, and Sahasrahla starts a ring count. Ghirahim lets off to throw Ravio down by his mask again. Ghirahim stomps away on Ravio again, then goes into the ring at 4 of 10. Ghirahim goes back out, drags Ravio up and says he’s “not getting off that easy!” Ghirahim bumps Ravio off the announce desk then puts him back in the ring.

Fans rally for Ravio but Ghirahim watches as he slowly rises. Ghirahim runs to the ropes, but Ravio drops down to his knees! Ghirahim awkwardly aborts the springboard, and Ravio is… begging?! He begs Ghirahim for mercy! Ghirahim is a bit surprised, but starts to think Ravio understands his place. Ravio nods and says he does. Ravio is lying down on his back! He’s telling Ghirahim to cover him? Ghirahim walks over, but then he stops. Ravio’s just setting him up, isn’t he?! Ravio sits up and swears he’s not tricking Ghirahim! Ghirahim KICKS Ravio down! Ravio sits back up and still tries to claim innocence but Ghirahim KICKS him again!

Ravio sits up again, he ducks the kick this time, and he rolls Ghirahim up! TWO, Ghirahim swings but Ravio ducks and gets around him. Ravio waistlocks, Ghirahim resists the lift, elbows free, then runs, only for Ravio to follow! O’Conner roll with a bridge! TWO, and Ravio scrambles to the apron! Ghirahim grabs Ravio and drags him in, but Ravio is holding the apron skirt! Sahasrahla reprimands and counts, Ravio lets go of the skirt at 4, and while Sahasrahla is busy with the skirt, Ravio rakes Ghirahim’s eyes! Ravio kicks Ghirahim’s legs out, then runs to hit the RABBIT KNEES! Cover, RAVIO WINS!!

Winner: Ravio, by pinfall (advances to the Triforce Anniversary)

Murusagi didn’t have a trick up his sleeve, or in his tights, but he still found a way to sneak a win! Ravio does a celebratory dance on his way out, but then stops when he sees Ghirahim sitting up. Ghirahim looks around for Ravio and Ravio runs away to the back as fast as he can! Will Ravio have another chance to do his dance on the Triforce Anniversary?

 

Bracket of Power Finals: Yuga VS Ganondorf!

The Artist has so far painted a masterpiece of outmaneuvering much more massive and muscular opponents, but he’s up against perhaps the meanest and strongest opponent possible! Will Yuga complete his work and make it to the Triforce Anniversary? Or is there no stopping the Gerudo Ace from making his mark in the history books?

The bell rings, fans boo and some even chant, “You Both Suck! You Both Suck!” Ganondorf ignores it but Yuga gets annoyed. Yuga glares at the fans while he circles with Ganondorf, and Ganondorf rushes Yuga to power him into a corner! Sahasrahla reprimands and counts, Ganondorf lets off at 4, to mule kick Yuga! Sahasrahla reprimands, Ganondorf brings Yuga out to snapmare him and KICK him in the back! Yuga writhes and fans still boo as Ganondorf looms over him. Ganondorf gives toying kicks to Yuga, Yuga gets up and starts getting angry, and he throws a big forearm! Ganondorf barely budges, and he DECKS Yuga with a forearm in return!

Yuga crawls to ropes but Ganondorf stalks behind him. Ganondorf stands on Yuga at the ropes, Sahasrahla counts and fans boo again, but Ganondorf steps off at 4. Ganondorf stomps and kicks Yuga, then has him on the ropes to choke him! Sahasrahla counts, the fans boo and Ganondorf stops at 4 again. Ganondorf taunts Yuga, “What’s wrong? Don’t you have any tricks to play on me, ya clown? Get up and fight me!” Yuga gasps and sputters while he stays under the bottom rope, so Ganondorf reaches through ropes to drag Yuga up on the apron. Ganondorf hooks Yuga’s arms on the ropes and starts clubbing away on Yuga’s chest! Sahasrahla counts, Ganondorf gets 10 hits in before the ref counts 4!

Ganondorf lets Yuga go and Yuga flops to the apron. Fans still boo as Ganondorf gives stomps to Yuga while he’s on the apron. Sahasrahla counts, Ganondorf stops at 4 yet again, and backs off to let Yuga flop off the apron. Sahasrahla starts a ring count, Yuga slowly rises and staggers up at 5. Yuga goes around the way, Ganondorf slides right out to BOOT him down! Ganondorf laughs but a lot of the fans still boo. Ganondorf drags Yuga up, puts him back in the ring, covers, TWO! Ganondorf slaps Yuga around, Yuga staggers up, and Ganondorf shoves him into a corner. Ganondorf stomps a mudhole into Yuga, Sahasrahla counts and Ganondorf lets off at 4.

Ganondorf runs corner to corner and he SPLASHES Yuga! Ganondorf whips Yuga corner to corner hard, and Yuga bounces off buckles to hit the mat! Yuga writhes and ends up in the corner, Ganondorf runs in to CANNONBALL! Cover, TWO! Yuga flounders around, Ganondorf brings him around and whips him to ropes. Yuga holds the ropes, Ganondorf storms over, Yuga boots but Ganondorf blocks it, only for Yuga to enziguri back! Ganondorf shakes that off, swings on Yuga but Yuga ducks and swings around to get a facelock! Yuga hops on to get body scissors and has a GUILLOTINE! Fans still boo as Ganondorf manages to stay up and endures the hold!

Ganondorf reaches out but Yuga cranks harder on the hold! Fans duel in the reverse, “We Hate Ganon!” “Yuga Sucks!” Ganondorf starts to fade and he drops to a knee! Sahasrahla checks on Ganondorf as Yuga pulls back as hard as he can! Ganondorf gets back up and reaches out. Yuga lets go of the body scissors, brings Ganondorf around, but Ganondorf powers up and powers Yuga away. Yuga lands on his feet, and he runs back in to RAM into Ganondorf at the ropes! Sahasrahla reprimands as Yuga throws body shots! Ganondorf CLUBS Yuga, Yuga kicks a leg out, and he goes for the guillotine again! Ganondorf pushes Yuga off to a corner, runs in but Yuga elbows him away!

Yuga goes up the corner, WHISPER IN THE WIND! Direct hit and down goes Ganondorf! Yuga hurries to go after Ganondorf’s legs, but Ganondorf powers him off the figure four! Yuga ends up back in the corner, Ganondorf somersaults and corner clotheslines him! Ganondorf whips Yuga corner to corner but Yuga goes up and over! Yuga waistlocks, O’Conner rolls, TWO! Yuga scrambles towards his corner and grabs his “magic scepter!” Sahasrahla reprimands Yuga and tells him to put the scepter down! Yuga refuses so Sahasrahla grabs it from him! But while Sahasrahla is busy giving the scepter to the timekeeper, Yuga aims a low blow at Ganondorf, but Ganondorf blocks it! Ganondorf LOW BLOWS Yuga!

Ganondorf laughs again as fans are thunderous with booing! He reels Yuga in, but Yuga drops down. Ganondorf drags Yuga back up but Yuga uses his head to LOW BLOW Ganondorf back!! Sahasrahla doesn’t realize something happened until Ganondorf doubles over. Both men are down and the fans duel again, “We Hate Ganon!” “Yuga Sucks!” Sahasrahla starts a standing count, Ganondorf uses ropes to stand up at 7. He hobbles over to Yuga and drags him up. Ganondorf clamps onto Yuga’s head with both hands and squeezes tight! Yuga endures the vice and reaches around with a leg, but Ganondorf keeps him from the ropes with another TOSS!

Ganondorf storms over and drags Yuga back up. Ganondorf uses the vice-like grip on Yuga’s head again, but Yuga grabs at Ganondorf’s face! Sahasrahla reprimands but Yuga won’t stop going after Ganondorf’s eyes! Ganondorf throws Yuga away, but into Sahasrahla! He couldn’t see because of the eye gouging and now the ref is down! Yuga hurries to the timekeeper’s area and he wants his scepter back! The timekeeper tries to stop him but Yuga pushes him aside to grab the scepter and bring it to the ring. Yuga swings at Ganondorf, but Ganondorf blocks it! Ganondorf glares at Yuga, but then the scepter goes into STROBE LIGHT MODE?!

Ganondorf lets go of the scepter, and Yuga SMACKS him on the back! Fans boo even harder and now they’re in agreement, “YUGA SUCKS! YUGA SUCKS!” Yuga puts the scepter between Ganondorf’s legs and pulls it up to LOW BLOW Ganondorf again!! Yuga tosses the scepter aside as Sahasrahla starts to get up, and Yuga pump handles Ganondorf to bring him down to a cradle! Sahasrahla counts the cover, TWO!?! Ganondorf survives and Yuga is furious! Fans are also going nuts as Ganondorf is just as furious as Yuga! Ganondorf manages to stand, he and Yuga have a glare down, and then they start throwing hands! Fans ironically fire up and start chanting, “Take Each Other Out!”

Ganondorf gets the edge on Yuga and ROCKS him with an uppercut! Ganondorf manages to run, but Yuga dodges his clothesline to run. Yuga jumps but Ganondorf catches his crossbody! Ganondorf shifts Yuga around but Yuga slips off! Yuga shoves Ganondorf to ropes, table tops him and high stacks, but he puts feet on ropes!! Sahasrahla spots that in time and stops counting! Yuga pretends to not know what’s wrong and he argues with Sahasrahla, but Ganondorf gets him in a waistlock! Yuga grabs at Sahasrahla to resist the lift, and then he MULE KICK LOW BLOWS Ganondorf!! Yuga hits a Side Leg Sweep, rolls back with Ganondorf and hooks legs with legs for the cover! YUGA WINS!!

Winner: Yuga, by pinfall (advances to the Triforce Anniversary)

The Artist cheats the Gerudo Ace out of history! And, actually, all three finalists have made it because of controversy, suspicious circumstances, and outright blatant cheating! Will Yuga, Hilda or Ravio prove to be the sliest, sneakiest, schemingest rising star in HPW?

Wait, Yuga goes over to Ganondorf’s corner, and he’s taking a look at Ganondorf’s boar headdress? Yuga seems to find something appealing about it. He’s picking up the headdress! He’s taking Ganondorf’s headdress!? Ganondorf glares but the pain below the belt is keeping him from giving chase! Yuga says something about making the headdress “a true work of art,” but what does he mean by that? Will Ganondorf be able to get revenge before we find out?


My Thoughts:

What a wild event right here! I had fun writing a Heel VS Heel match with Ganondorf and Yuga, which I originally didn’t have planned as the main event, but then I thought that Ganondorf being the star, he should get the main event spot. The other tricky part was creating three finishes that were basically cheating, but each different from the other. The April Fools HPW anniversary is going to be a lot of fun now.


Powered by RedCircle


Let us know what you think on social media @ChairshotMedia and always remember to use the hashtag #UseYourHead!
Continue Reading

Sports

Entertainment

Sports Entertainment

Buy A Chairshot T-Shirt!

Chairshot Radio Network

Trending