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Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu Results & Report! (4/1/2020)

It’s high stakes in Hyrule!

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Legend of Zelda Hyrule Pro-Wrestling

The Legend of Zelda: The Ring of Destiny

Power. Wisdom. Courage. All qualities needed to be great in Hyrule Pro-Wrestling. Three contenders have risen above the rest, but only ONE can ascend to be Triforce Champion!

 

OFFICIAL RESULTS

  • HPW Death Mountain Championship #1 Contender’s Battle Royal: Groose wins and will challenge King Bulblin for the title.
  • HPW Triforce Championship Triple Threat: Ganondorf Dragmire VS Sheik VS Link; changed to…
  • HPW Triforce Championship Triple Threat: Ganondorf Dragmire VS Link VS Zelda; Link wins and becomes the inaugural Hyrule Triforce Champion.

PLAY BY PLAY

HPW and HXS TV set the scene!

A new year brought not only a new decade, but the rise of a new generation, and finally, today is the crowning achievement of several month’s hard work and determination! Finally, Hyrule will have it’s very first world champion! In the weeks that led to this moment, qualifying matches were held among the best wrestlers from around the world in a unique three-bracket tournament to name three contenders standing in the main event.

In the A Bracket, the self-proclaimed “Gerudo Ace,” Ganondorf Dragmire, trumped opponent after opponent with his uncanny combination of strength and agility, and met the equally impressive “Stone Juggernaut,” Boulder Murphy, in the semifinals. Despite Murphy bulldozing through his side of the bracket, it only took one Ganon Bomb to put him away, and Ganondorf earned the Triforce of Power.

In the B Bracket, Hyrule wrestling legend, Impa, introduced her prized pupil and masked wrestler, Sheik, to the world on the very first day of the tournament. A silent and serious type, Sheik preferred to let his actions speak for him, and proved he had mastered Impa’s Sheikah Style by winning with both swift strikes and sinister submissions. Three straight tap-out victories over Albirdo Del Rito, the “Zora Rock ‘n’ Rolla” Fin Balure and “The Sorcerer” Agahnim earned Sheik the Triforce of Wisdom.

Finally, in the C Braket, it was perhaps the unlikeliest of results of all. A soft-spoken young Hylian from Kakariko, motivated by a dream and the support of a village, was floundering in shame with a losing record of 2-10. What everyone thought would be an easy opening round win for “The Skyloft Stud” Groose ended up being perhaps the biggest upset in the entire tournament! The young man, who came to be known simply as “Link,” then defeated “The Artist,” Yuga, and “The Living Blade,” Ghirahim Mazokucho, to earn the Triforce of Courage.

The three finalists now meet in an ultimate showdown! Power, wisdom, or courage, which will lead the way into this shining new era? Hyrule Pro-Wrestling: The Ring of Destiny starts NOW!

 

HPW Death Mountain Championship #1 Contender’s Battle Royal!

The losers of the Triforce Tournament get a second chance, but at a different title! Who rises up to then challenge King Baron Bulblin?

The bell rings, and Skull Kid goes right for a corner buckle pad! Everyone realizes what he’s up to and the Dark Nut brothers are the ones to grab him. They both bring Skull Kid up and DOUBLE POWERBOMB him! And then its chaos as everyone brawls! Darunia goes after Red Nut while Rosso goes after Blue Nut. Albirdo Del Rito stomps a mudhole into L.A. Fokka while Fin Balure and Boulder Murphy are after The Iron Knuckle. Little Tingle holds on for dear life as King Moblin works to push him out. Groose helps Tingle out but then has to worry about Zant going after him. Igos du Ikana and Ghirahim struggle against each other in a corner, and Skull Kid hasn’t moved from where he got bombed.

Rauru the Owl fights off Garo Master and “the Show-alfos,” Dolph Zlither with big right hands! He JABS Garo, he JABS Zlither, and back again! Rauru powers up his right hand, but then Yuga dropkicks him into the ropes! Agahnim clotheslines Rauru out and ELIMINATES him! The legendary “Sage of Light” is the first one out of the match! Is this the last time we’ll see Rauru in the ring? Red Nut clubs Darunia down and pushes him away, and then Blue Nut HEADBUTTS Rosso! Blue Nut grabs Rosso and Red Nut has room to run, LAST NUT! They clobber Rosso with the clothesline leg sweep and then drag him up. Together, the Dark Nut Brothers throw out and ELIMINATE Rosso! The “Sage of Fire” is gone!

Darunia tackles Red Nut into Blue Nut! Boulder Murphy as a fellow Goron works together with him, but the Iron Knuckle clubs Boulder on the back. Fin Balure goes after Iron Knuckle from behind, hopping on him with a sleeper hold. Boulder elbows Knuckle in the stomach while Darunia clubs Red Nut down. Blue Nut pulls Fin off Knuckle but Fin PELES! Meanwhile, Yuga and Agahnim work together on Zlither while Garo Master goes after Igos. Tingle crawls to another corner while Ghirahim goes after King Moblin. Zant still goes after Groose, but Groose throws a forearm back. Groose shovels Zant up but Zant holds onto the ropes.

Tingle spots Skull Kid finally coming to. Tingle looks around and sees everyone else busy, so he drags Skull Kid up. He lifts Skull Kid up onto a shoulder but Skull Kid slips out! Skull Kid shows Superkick but it’s a feint! He mule kicks Tingle in the knee, then hits a basement DDT! Skull Kid drags Tingle up and has a clear path to run him to the opposite side and throw him over! But Tingle holds on! Fans cheer as Tingle skins the cat, and headscissors Skull Kid! Tingle drags Skull Kid over but Skull Kid also holds onto the rope! Skull Kid and Tingle dangle from the top rope! Tingle kicks at Skull Kid, so Skull Kid kicks back. It’s like a monkey bar chicken fight!

One of Tingle’s hands loses its grip! He’s barely hanging on, but he kicks back! Now Skull Kid loses a grip! Fans watch intently as both men hang on by a hand each! Both men keep their feet up to avoid the floor, and they both manage to skin the cat! Only for Ghirahim to dropkick them both! Skull Kid and Tingle both crash ‘n’ burn on the apron, and Ghirahim ELIMINATES them both! Ghirahim shows up with a kip-up as he soaks up the heat from the fans, but then he turns around to see an angry Groose! Groose JABS Ghirahim, and JABS, and JABS! Fans chant “GROOSE! GROOSE!” with each JAB! Groose powers up the Right Hand of the Goddess but Ghirahim overhand CHOPS!

Ghirahim CHOPS Groose again and backs him down to ropes. Ghirahim CHOPS and CHOPS, but Grooseturns things around to JAB! “GROOSE!” Ghirahim CHOPS, Groose JABS! CHOP, “GROOSE!” CHOP, “GROOSE!” Iron Knuckle tackles Darunia into Groose and Ghirahim! Fans boo the exchange ending. Ghirahim gets up in a huff and CHOPS Iron Knuckle, but Knuckle doesn’t even flinch! Iron Knuckle DECKS Ghirahim with a right forearm! Everyone else in the ring takes note of that, and realize who the front-runner in this match is now. And yet King Moblin steps up! Moblin beats his chest and shouts about taking on his rival in King Bulblin for the title. Fans fire up as Moblin and Knuckle stare down, and then explode to a fever pitch as they start brawling!

Moblin throws a forearm, Knuckle throws one back! Moblin hits Knuckle again, but Knuckle hits back again. Knuckle gets the edge, whips but Moblin reverses, only for Knuckle to BOOT him down! Knuckle drags Moblin up and trophy lifts him!! Moblin slips out and clotheslines Iron Knuckle against the ropes! Knuckle stays in, so Moblin powers him up and over! Yuga sneaks up and dumps Moblin up and over! Yuga ELIMINATES King Moblin AND Iron Knuckle! The Artist celebrates but then Fin clotheslines and ELIMINATES Yuga!

Groose staggers up to go after Ghirahim but Zant wants after Groose again. Zant lashes Groose with the long straps on his long sleeves and gets him in the corner. Ghirahim slips away from Groose but Fin is on him right away. Garo Master goes after Igos while Zlither goes after Del Rito. The Dark Nut brothers brawl with Darunia and Murphy while L.A. Fokka is after Agahnim. The Dark Nuts each whip Darunia and Murphy, but Murphy and Darunia duck and dodge and they both crossbody! The Gorons topple the Dark Nuts! Darunia brings up Red Nut and Murphy brings up Blue Nut, and they both fireman’s carry the Dark Nuts to the ropes. The Dark Nuts hold onto the ropes and stay on the apron.

Zant stops lashing Groose to kick and stomp Groose down. Fans boo as he doesn’t stop stomping until he storms off. Ghirahim goes after Groose while Fin gets caught up in Zlither’s and Del Rito’s brawl. Ghirahim stomps and punches Groose and Zant takes notice. Zant pushes Ghirahim out of the way to stomp Groose. Ghirahim pushes Zant out of the way to stomp Groose. Zant pushes Ghirahim out of the way again to stomp Groose again. Ghirahim turns Zant around, the two glare at each other as they get almost forehead to forehead. And then they both smile! They start stomping Groose together!

Fin CHOPS Zlither, then whips him corner to corner and runs in to CHOP again! Fin whips Zlither again for Del Rito to run over with a shoulder. They both drag Zlither up and double whip him to the ropes. Zlither holds the ropes, Del Rito runs in but into a SUPERKICK! Fin runs in but Zlither throws him up and over! Fin lands on his feet but on the apron, and he swing kicks Zlither back! Del Rito dropkicks Zlither and Fin holds the rope down! Zlither tumbles over and out, Fin and Del Rito ELIMINATE Dolph Zlither! Fin grins and Del Rito smiles, before Del Rito BOOTS and ELIMINATES Fin!! Del Rito gives Fin a wink before going back to the others.

Igos is after Darunia but Murphy is after him in return. Garo goes after Red Nut but Blue Nut is after him. The Gorons double whip Igos and the Dark Nuts double whip Garo. Igos ducks while Garo leaps over! Igos crisscrosses the Dark Nuts into each other while Garo springs up! Garo DOUBLE DDT’s the Gorons! Igos hits Red Nut with a knee, kick, back elbow, and another kick. Red Nut is on his knees, Igos knee thrusts! Ikana Rush! Blue Nut grabs Igos but he breaks free to back spin KNEE! Igos pushes Blue Nut at the ropes and dumps him over, Igos du Ikana ELIMINATES Blue Nut! Red Nut sits up to get a BUZZSAW kick! Igos lifts Red Nut up with a foot, ELEGY OF EMPTINESS! The back heel kick sends Red Nut up and over, Igos du Ikana ELIMINATES Red Nut!

Garo drags Murphy up and pushes him against the ropes. Igos hurries over to help him, and the get Murphy up over the top. Murphy holds on and Darunia clubs Garo on the back. Igos throws body shots on Darunia but Darunia takes them. Darunia headbutts Igos back! Darunia whips but Igos springboards, QUEBRADA but Darunia catches him! Igos slips off and ROUNDHOUSES Darunia! Garo goes after Murphy again but Murphy hotshots him away. Igos whips Darunia INTO Murphy, and Murphy falls to the floor! Someone ELIMINATES Murphy, but does credit go to Igos or Darunia? Agahnim stops hiding under the bottom rope to go after Darunia, to Igos’ surprise and confusion.

Del Rito goes back after Fokka with clubbing forearms while Zant and Ghirahim bring Groose up. They work to double suplex him at the ropes, but he resists. Groose tries to suplex them back but he can’t get them up. They try again but Groose resists again. Groose kicks Ghirahim low and suplexes Zant alone, only to sit up into Ghirahim’s Penalty Kick! Ghirahim drags Groose up and cravats to throw knees into his head. He brings Groose to the ropes and CHOPS! The Living Blade shows why he has that name with just how loud that was. Groose is stinging as Ghirahim CHOPS him again! Zant gets up and coordinates with Ghirahim again and they double suplex Groose up. But Groose knees out!

Groose lands on his feet, and shifts, to DOUBLE NORTHERN LIGHTS! And then rolls through to double Northern Lights again! And again! They end up by the ropes and Groose double back drops Ghirahim and Zant out! Zant’s long sleeves keep him grabbing the ropes and he hits the floor! Groose ELIMINATES Zant! But then turns around into Ghirahim’s enziguri! Ghirahim springboards to DUMDUM STOMP Groose down! Ghirahim is furious as he stomps and stomps and stomps Groose into the mat. Agahnim helps out with this, to Ghirahim’s surprise and confusion. It seems Agahnim is just eager to make alliances now that we’re down to the final eight.

Garo and Igos continue to work together as they hit Agahnim and Ghirahim from behind. Ghirahim CHOPS Igos but Igos forearms back. Garo whips but Agahnim reverses. Agahnim swings a clothesline but Garo slides under to come back with an enziguri, but Agahnim ducks it! Agahnim grabs the legs to reel Garo in for a wheelbarrow, but Garo victory rolls to a double stomp! Igos fires off another Ikana Rush but he misses the knee thrust! Ghirahim CHOPS, CHOPS and CHOPS, backing Igos to a corner. Ghirahim CHOPS and CHOPS more, but Garo runs in! Only for Ghirahim to dodge and his corner splash to hit Igos! Ghirahim then CHOPS Garo!

Groose tackles Ghirahim but Agahnim clubs Groose. L.A. Fokka goes after Agahnim but Del Rito is on Fokka again. Garo and Igos get out of the corner and go after Del Rito and Agahnim. Darunia runs in and POUNCES Igos to a corner! Darunia throws heavy hands on Igos but Garo hurries over. Garo turns Darunia around, to get DECKED! Garo springs up but Darunia hits him again! And again! And again! Darunia raises his hand to power up, but Garo enziguris! Garo whips but Darunia reverses. Garo leaps, but into Darunia’s arms! Darunia shifts Garo around for a GORON BOTTOM! ELEGY OF EMPTINESS! Igos rocks Darunia and dumps him out, Igos ELIMINATES Darunia!

Groose stands back up and looks at the other six. Ghirahim, Agahnim and Del Rito stand together, and he obviously isn’t going to stand with them. Groose joins Fokka, Igos and Garo, and a 4v3 brawl breaks out! Groose is after Ghirahim while Fokka is after Del Rito, leaving Agahnim against Igos and Garo! Igos and Garo double whips Agahnim to ropes. Igos drop toeholds, Garo standing moonsaults onto Agahnim’s back, Igos leg drops and Garo back sentons! Agahnim crawls to ropes and the two drag him up. They try to bring him up but he holds tight to the ropes. Agahnim gets back in through the middle rope, then ducks out the bottom rope! He isn’t eliminated but he isn’t playing fair, either!

Referees tell Agahnim to get back in the ring, and he “apologizes,” and asks for a time-out. There’s no time-outs in pro-wrestling! Agahnim heads back but Garo DIVES out onto him! Garo’s suicide dive goes through the ropes, so he’s safe, too! Fans cheer as Garo punches and stomps Agahnim. Garo puts Agahnim back in then climbs up onto the apron, but Agahnim sweeps the legs! Garo falls back, but his feet hook the bottom rope! He hangs upside-down like a keese! Igos goes after Agahnim as Garo braces himself, and now handstands! Garo handstand walks around, heading for the ring steps. Fans cheer as Garo rests his feet on the steps then scoots back to take a seat.

Igos whips Agahnim, Agahnim reverses but Igos QUEBRADA! Igos knocks Agahnim down and brings him up and throws him out, but on the same side of the apron Garo now stands! Agahnim takes Garo with him, Igos du Ikana ELIMINATES them both! But Igos doesn’t seem to care, because now he’s part of the final five. He looks around and watches the others. Ghirahim grinds his boot into Groose’s chest, but lets up to step back and RAM his knee in.

Fokka pushes Del Rito against buckles but Del Rito pulls on Fokka’s mask! Fans boo the disrespect but Del Rito clubs away on Fokka’s back. Del Rito gets Fokka up in a fireman’s carry and goes to the ropes. Fokka holds onto the top rope as Del Rito tries to throw him out. Fokka kicks his legs and slides off to then BOOT Del Rito. Del Rito staggers and rebounds off ropes to jump and SUPERKICKS! Fokka staggers and Del Rito throws him over, Del Rito ELIMINATES L.A. Fokka! Our final four are Igos, Del Rito, Ghirahim and Groose.

Ghirahim realizes who all is left, and goes after Groose even harder. He CHOPS and CHOPS and CHOPS Groose against the ropes as fast as he can, and Groose is stinging as he leans on the ropes to stay up. Ghirahim grabs Groose’s legs and lifts him up and dumps him over! Groose holds with one arm but Ghirahim has already moved on to go after Igos and Del Rito. Igos elbows Del Rito away from the ropes but Ghirahim CHOPS Igos. Igos throws a forearm on Ghirahim but Del Rito kicks Igos in the chest. Del Rito kicks Igos, Ghirahim CHOPS and repeat. Del Rito and Ghirahim back up and run in, but Igos ducks the double clotheslines to waistlock and shove Del Rito into Ghirahim.

Igos kicks Del Rito and starts up the Ikana Rush. Del Rito dodges the knee thrust and waistlocks. They go to ropes but Igos bucks Del Rito off. Ghirahim blindsides Igos with a forearm! Then goes side to side to forearm again! And then back the other way! Ghirahim comes from the left but Igos elbows him away hard! Del Rito runs in but Igos side steps and throws him out! Del Rito holds onto the top rope, Ghirahim runs behind Igos and springboards, GHIRA CUTTER to Igos! Ghirahim pushes Igos at the ropes and Del Rito drags him up and over, they ELIMINATE Igos du Ikana together! Ghirahim hotshots Del Rito!! Del Rito flops to the apron and then the floor, Ghirahim ELIMINATES Del Rito! And then winks at him, just like Del Rito winked at Fin!

Ghirahim thinks he’s won and raises his hands, but then he sees Groose is resting on the apron. Ghirahim runs over as Groose slowly rolls under the bottom rope, sliding dropkick! Groose is blasted under the bottom rope and falls to the floor! But he isn’t eliminated because he got back in first! Ghirahim is seething as he goes out to the apron from the middle rope. Groose stands up as Ghirahim takes aim, PENALTY KICK! Ghirahim hops down and drags Groose up to put him back in the ring. Ghirahim paces about as he cools off and then goes back into the ring. He drags Groose up, aims at the far side, and runs with Groose. But Groose turns around and throws Ghirahim out!

Ghirahim holds onto the rope and skins the cat, but Groose blocks the headscissor! Groose yanks Ghirahim off the ropes, swings him around and hits a facebuster! Groose flips Ghirahim over, has the legs, and catapults Ghirahim at a corner! Ghirahim hits the top of the post and staggers about. Groose runs Ghirahim to the far side and throws him out! Groose ELIMINATES Ghirahim Mazokucho and WINS!!

Winner: Groose; (NEW #1 Contender to the HPW Death Mountain Championship)

Death Mountain Championship

The Skyloft Stud is standing tall at the end of it all! But the celebration is cut short as King Baron Bulblin’s music hits. King Bulblin rides out on Lord Bullbo, his beloved war boar, but his Bulblin minions rush the ring! Groose is beat down 3v1 while King Bulblin takes up a mic. “Hey there, Groose! Congratulations on winning the battle royal. But I don’t think you’re going to make it to Eldin.” King Bulblin laughs as his henchmen drag Groose up. Bulblin One drags Groose in and powerbomb lifts him as Bulblins Two and Three build up speed. But Groose headscissors out of the Bulblin Bomb! And DOUBLE CLOTHESLINES Bulblins Two and Three!

Fans fire up as Groose roars! Groose watches Bulblin One stagger up and gives him a JAB! JAB! “Groose! Groose!” Power up, RIGHT HAND OF THE GODDESS! Fans are all fired up as Groose stares down King Bulblin and even dares him to get in the ring. King Bulblin snarls back as his Bulblins regroup and retreat. Will Groose climb Death Mountain to dethrone the Blubber King?

 

The King of Hyrule is here!

Fans cheer as HPW General Manager, Nicolas Foolyere Hyrule, goes to the ring and stands by the championship belt on a pedestal. But it is clear something is missing in the face plate. King Nicolas has a mic to speak.

“Welcome everyone to today’s amazing event, right here, in Faron Woods!” Cheap pop achieved as King Nicolas gives playful finger guns to the crowd in the Faron Sports Arena. King Nicolas continues to say, “This really is a great honor for me to present this beautiful title, the HPW Triforce Championship.” The twelve week tournament that consisted of 21 matches was filled with everything that makes pro-wrestling the best thing in the world. There was excitement, drama and moments we will remember for a lifetime. And what was a field of 24 has become a Triple Threat of the strongest, smartest and bravest wrestlers today. So it is King Nicolas’ honor to introduce the three that he knows will one day become known as the Triforce Trinity.

First out is C Bracket winner, Link! Link has new green tights with a gold Hylian Crest on the butt. King Nicolas likes how they look. Almost as fashionable as his royal robes. “But ensembles aside, it was really inspiring to see you in the tournament. We’re all a kid from somewhere, right? So how’re you feeling this close to the main event?” Link goes to speak but King Nicolas pats him on the shoulder and says, “You’re excited, right?” Link again goes to speak but King Nicolas gives him another pat on the shoulder and says, “Of course you are! You’re one match away from becoming a champion! I remember the moment I finally became champion. Back then I was just King of the Red Lions, and I was up against King Zora before he went all Hyrulewood, but enough about me.”

Next out is B Bracket winner, Sheik! Sheik also has new gear, but the only real difference is the Sheikah eye on his chest is gold, not red. King Nicolas is “sensing a theme with the color schemes here. Gold for the gold. I like it.” But where is Impa? Sheik picks up a mic to explain that both Sheik and Impa agreed that she doesn’t need to be holding Sheik’s hand. “I made it this far thanks to everything my teacher taught me. The best way to thank her is to win this on my own.” King Nicolas says that was well said, and is sure Sheik will make the entire Sheikah Tribe proud.

“Last but certainly not least,” the A Bracket winner, Ganondorf Dragmire! And he comes out wearing a fearsome looking boar headdress and wild looking cape. Ganondorf gets into the ring, takes the headdress off and places it on one of the corner posts. Fans boo but Ganondorf embraces it, and even encourages it with his proud laughter. Ganondorf gets a mic before standing across from his two opponents. He looks at the two, who he stands head and shoulders above, and laughs a little. “Really, Nick? These two are to be my opponents in the greatest match in all of wrestling history? How did such tiny, tiny boys make it through their brackets?” Didn’t Ganondorf watch their matches? No, Ganondorf doesn’t really care about other wrestlers.

Ganondorf sees the Sheikah symbol on Sheik’s chest. “Oh, so you’re Sheik, huh? Taught by Impa of the Sheikah. A great woman’s wrestler, and a great wrestler period. You’ll be great, too. I can feel it. You’ll be a great… disappointment.” Fans boo but Ganondorf just laughs again. Then Ganondorf looks at Link. Ganondorf steps closer so that he is looking even further down on Link. But Link doesn’t back down, and even has fans cheering for him. Ganondorf knows Agahnim, Yuga and Ghirahim. He trained with them, so he knows how tough they all are. “And for them to lose to someone like you, that is also very disappointing.”

But Ganondorf promises that the people of Hyrule will not be disappointed, because he will be a champion they can be proud of. Children from all over Hyrule, from the Zora Domain in Lanayru to the Gerudo Highlands and Desert to Goron City and Death Mountain to the capital city around Hyrule Castle, they will all look up to Ganondorf and praise him as their hero! The Hero of Hyrule Pro-Wrestling!

King Nicolas moves things along to business. “If each of you would, please present your pieces of the Triforce. They will be placed into the championship title’s face plate so that it will be complete.” Ganondorf steps up first, rudely getting in front of Sheik and Link. Ganondorf places his Triforce of Power in the top slot. He steps aside for Sheik to place his Triforce of Wisdom in the bottom left. Lastly, Link puts his Triforce of Courage in the bottom right. “And with that, the Triforce Championship is formed! Now, we shall see who destiny smiles upon, and have our first ever world champion!”

HPW Triforce Championship Triple Threat: Ganondorf Dragmire VS Sheik VS Link!

Fans cheer as King Nicolas holds up the title, then hands it to referee Tiger Sahasrahla to officially present the belt to each wrestler.

Hyrule Triforce Championship

The belt is then set aside, and the match begins!

The fans are already thunderous as Ganondorf, Sheik and Link stare down. The three approach, and Ganondorf calls for a Test of Strength. Ganondorf grins because he knows he’s the strongest. But Link and Sheik still tie up with him in knuckle locks. Ganondorf uses his strength to push both Sheik and Link, forcing them both to bend back. Link and Sheik each try to push him back with both hands but it’s not enough! Ganondorf gets them in a double cover! ONE as Link and Sheik raise their outer shoulders. Ganondorf pushes those shoulders back down, ONE as they raise their inner shoulders. Ganondorf can’t push those down so he yanks both Link and Sheik up.

Link and Sheik double whip but Ganondorf blocks with size and strength. Ganondorf double whips them and swings double clotheslines but both Link ducks under and Sheik slides. Sheik mule kicks then roundhouses! Link runs back in and Sheik gets clear to let his shotgun dropkick go into Ganondorf! Link kips up as Ganondorf bails out, but goes Matrix as Sheik swings another roundhouse! He kips back up but Sheik spins through to enziguri Link back down! Cover, ONE, but Sheik is on Link with a chinlock. Fans rally up as Sheik grinds and Link endures.

Link fights his way up and slips out to hammerlock. Sheik slips through to hammerlock Link but Link reverses it back. Sheik slips out, clubs Link on the bank and then waistlocks. Link blocks a lift and standing switches. Sheik blocks a lift and standing switches. Link pries free to wrench and wristlock, but Sheik reverses the wristlock. Sheik reels Link into a headlock takeover. Link headscissors but Sheik pops out. Roles reverse as Link headlocks to a takeover but Sheik pops out. The two stand off and fans cheer the technical exchange. Until Ganondorf trips Sheik up and drags him out of the ring. Ganondorf also throws Sheik into railing then BOOTS him over!

Ganondorf leaves Sheik behind but Link PESCADOS! Into Ganondorf’s arms! Ganondorf rams Link into the post then tosses him into the ring. Ganondorf climbs in and stalks behind Link. Link drags himself up the ropes and Ganondorf turns him around to CHOP! And CHOP! Some fans “WOO~” but many boo. Ganondorf whips Link into the corner and runs in for a shoulder ram! Ganondorf sweeps the legs to sit Link down then goes corner to corner. Sheik slips in and follows behind Ganondorf! Ganondorf CANNONBALLS onto Link then Sheik dropkicks Ganondorf while he’s upside-down! Sheik drags Ganondorf to a cover, TWO!

Sheik watches Ganondorf and Link carefully. Ganondorf crawls and Sheik stalks up behind him. Ganondorf gets to his feet but Sheik KICKS a leg! And again as Ganondorf is on the ropes. Ganondorf ends up in a corner and Sheik storms over, but Ganondorf DECKS him with a right hand. Sheik falls onto all fours, and Link runs in, using Sheik as a step stool! Poetry in Motion hits Ganondorf, but then Sheik huricanranas Link! Link handsprings through, shocking Sheik! Ganondorf shoves Sheik into the air, Link catches Sheik in a waistlock, and Link German Suplexes Sheik away! Link sits up to get Ganondorf’s Penalty Kick!

Fans boo and troll with “You Still Suck! You Still Suck!” Ganondorf waves a hand dismissively at the fans as he stalks up behind Sheik. He brings Sheik up to put him in the corner and on the top rope. Ganondorf climbs up to join Sheik but Sheik fights back with forearms. Sheik headbutts and kicks Ganondorf down then adjusts. Sheik leaps and Meteoras Ganondorf down! Cover, TWO! Link sunset flips Sheik, TWO and Sheik sits on Link! TWO as Link sunset flips back, TWO as Sheik sits back on Link! TWO, sunset flip, TWO, back to Sheik, TWO, sunset flip, TWO! Fans cheer for this new exchange, but Ganondorf grabs and dead lift suplexes Sheik to a JACKHAMMER! Cover, but Link kicks from the mat to hit Ganondorf in the face!

Ganondorf checks his face, then glares at Link! Link stares Ganondorf down as both men rise. Fans cheer more as Ganondorf shouts, “C’mon, then!” and eggs Link on. Link chops back hand and chops over hand, then chops back hand again! But Ganondorf just laughs it off and CHOPS Link off his feet! Sheik flies in from outta nowhere to knee Ganondorf in the head! Instant replay shows Sheik got to the apron to springboard in! Ganondorf staggers into the ropes and Sheik stalks up behind him. Ganondorf swings a chop, but Sheik gets under to springboard again! QUEBRADA, but Ganondorf catches him! Ganondorf swings Sheik but Sheik counters to a DDT! Cover, TWO!

Sheik looks between Ganondorf and Link and sees Link sit up. Sheik runs over but Link ducks the Penalty Kick! Link rolls back and reaches up to headscissor Sheik. Sheik handsprings through but into Ganondorf’s tackle! Ganondorf powers Sheik into Link and then rams them both into the corner! Ganondorf rams his shoulder in a few more times before running corner to corner. He comes back but Sheik and Link both slip out to the apron on opposite sides of the corner! Ganondorf’s splash hits buckles, and then Link and Sheik hit Ganondorf with a gamangiri-enziguri sandwich!

Ganondorf falls against buckles, and Sheik swings in to METEORA him in the back! Link waits as Ganondorf falls backward, before hitting a slingshot elbow drop! Cover, but Sheik drags him off! Link gets to his feet in a huff and stares down with Sheik. Link shrugs with arms out as if to ask what Sheik’s up to. Sheik says he remembers their talk a few weeks ago, and the offer he made to work together. But Sheik only now says he meant Link would help him win, not the other way around. Link scowls in displeasure and turns to go back to Ganondorf. Sheik turns Link around but gets DECKED by a right haymaker!

Link looms over Sheik but Ganondorf gets Link in a waistlock for a GERMAN SUPLEX! Bridging cover, but Sheik hurries to leap over and Superman Clutch! It’s a double cover! TWO!! Everyone scrambles to their feet as fans fire up. Link gives Sheik a ROUNDHOUSE, then spin mule kicks Ganondorf. He rolling elbows Sheik into the corner then keeps spinning to ROUNDHOUSE Ganondorf! Link runs in at Sheik for a corner Shining Wizard! Then Link gets Sheik and Ganondorf with the bulldog clothesline combo! Fans fire up with Link as he fires up. Link watches Ganondorf and Sheik both sit up, and he fires off kicks! A kick for Ganondorf, a kick for Sheik, repeat! Fans chant “HAH! HAH!” to echo the noises Link makes with every strike!

Sheik falls over first but Ganondorf stays up, so Link builds up energy and takes aim. BUZZSAW! Ganondorf flops over and Link covers, but Sheik breaks it! Sheik grabs an arm and drags Link around, but Link rolls Sheik up! TWO but Link dead lifts Sheik! SIT-OUT BOMB! Cover, TWO!! Sheik survives but Link stays fired up. Link brings Sheik back up but Sheik breaks free to throw fast palm strikes and a rolling elbow! Sheik runs to tilt-o-whirl headscissors! Link bails out but Sheik goes to the ropes, slingshot PLANCHA! Direct hit knocks Link down but Sheik hurries back up to aim at Ganondorf! Sheik springboards for another QUEBRADA! But Ganondorf catches Sheik again!

Sheik kicks and flails to slip backwards into a dragon sleeper! Sheik cranks back on Ganondorf’s neck, but Ganondorf reaches up. Ganondorf grabs at Sheik’s head and pulls on the mask! Sheik holds onto the hold even as Ganondorf throws a big knee into his face! Ganondorf drops and snapmares Sheik over, and pulls at the mask more! Sheik grabs at the mask to keep it on, but Ganondorf uses that to throw Sheik over the ropes! The mask tears and Sheik hits the apron on the way down to the ground! Sheik is completely unmasked!!

Wait. We could always see some blonde hair peeking out from under the mask, but now that Sheik is completely exposed, that haircut looks familiar. Sheik stands up, and everyone can see thanks to the camera on him. Sheik is ZELDA?! King Nicolas’ own daughter, who has struggled with a losing record in the Hyrule Puro-Resu Women’s Division, has been in this match the entire time?!?

King Nicolas gets up from his seat and grabs a mic to shout, “Stop the match! Stop the match!” Fans are confused and some boo, and both Ganondorf and Link are shocked. Ganondorf’s shock also turns to anger as he accuses King Nicolas of something underhanded. But King Nicolas assures everyone that he had no idea Zelda was Sheik! If he did, he wouldn’t have let her be in the tournament. Zelda storms over and grabs herself a mic to speak now.

“Yes! Yes, I’ve been Sheik this entire time! But it was for good reason!” First, Zelda could NOT allow Ganondorf to become world champion! Ganondorf is arrogant and selfish, along with power hungry and cruel! And just look at the way he slurps his soup! Zelda makes exaggerated sucking noises while mocking Ganondorf using utensils. “What an asshole!” Fans love that burn and Ganondorf tells them to shut up. Zelda continues to say that she has nothing against Link, but her other reason for wanting the title is to prove another point.

Zelda speaks of her trainer, the legendary Impa. Impa was a great women’s champion. She was a great Hebra Women’s Champion, a great Akala Women’s Champion, a great Necluda Women’s Champion, even a great Termina Women’s Champion! But Zelda wants us to note something: Impa was always the Women’s Champion. She was never allowed to be THE champion. If Impa was a man, she would’ve been the Hebra Champion, the Akala Champion, and so on. She asks her father, the king, if she’s wrong. He doesn’t say anything.

Zelda also has a third reason she became the wrestler known as “Sheik” and entered the Triforce tournament. As daughter of King Nicolas, would she honestly be taken serious in the HPW Women’s Division? There were already whispers that she was only in the company because of her father. Zelda took it upon herself to “get out from under the cloud” hanging over her head, and she went to Impa for training. And whether anyone likes it or not, disguised as Sheik or not, Zelda still won every match in that tournament. Zelda, Sheik, it doesn’t matter, because she EARNED her place in this match! It seems fans do like that!

“But pro-wrestling has never had full co-ed competition!” King Nicolas isn’t sure about bucking tradition like this. Zelda walks up to her father and says she’s still his little girl, but she’s not a child anymore. She can handle herself, and has proven that! Fans continue to cheer, and the reluctance is clear on the king’s face. He’ll let Zelda compete! “Restart the match!” Fans explode with cheers as history gets even more historic!

HPW Triforce Championship Triple Threat: Ganondorf Dragmire VS Link VS Zelda!

Both Zelda and Link return to the ring and have a triple stare down with Ganondorf as they stand in a triangle. It is another fitting stand-off now that we know the truth of this match. History will be made but now it could be even more historic! Will the first ever world champion be male or female? Gerudo or Hylian? Powerful, wise or courageous!?

The three stare down again as fans are still fired up. Sheik fans are now Zelda fans, and they’ve combined forces with Zelda fans to cheer her on. Link has his fans for a close second, and Ganondorf is in a distant third, if anyone is even cheering for him at all. The three approach but there’s no call for a Test of Strength this time. Ganondorf glares at Link and Link glares back. Ganondorf then glares at Zelda, and Zelda glares back. But then Link glares at Zelda, too?! Zelda notices that and starts to look worried, but Ganondorf CHOPS Link!

Zelda aims but Ganondorf blocks her superkick. Ganondorf sends the kick into Link but Link blocks it, too. Ganondorf then kicks Zelda in the leg! Zelda hobbles with her charlie horse but Link grabs Ganondorf’s arm to wrench it and drag Ganondorf down! They go around as Link works to get a hammerlock. Link manages La Magistrol, but Zelda breaks the cover! Zelda hammer fists Link in the back but he bails out to then PELE Zelda away! Ganondorf gets up and grabs Zelda for HUGE overhead belly2belly suplex! She hits hard and bails out on the far side while Ganondorf goes after Link. Link enziguris Ganondorf first then hotshots him away!

Link aims from the apron as Ganondorf is down, but then he gets an idea. He looks down at the ring itself, and specifically under where he stands on the apron. Link keeps an eye on Ganondorf as he hops down. Link pulls up the apron skirt and starts looking under the ring! Fans start chanting, “Nana nana, nana nana, nana nana, nana nana… NA NA NA NAAA~!” It’s a TABLE! Fans erupt with excitement and Link grins, but then Ganondorf WRECKS him with a baseball slide dropkick! Ganondorf goes out and looks at the table. Ganondorf laughs as he pushes the table back under the ring, and fans boo. Not that Ganondorf cares.

Ganondorf drags Link up but Link breaks free to enziguri him again! Ganondorf staggers, Link HOOK SHOT KICKS him! Link takes aim as Ganondorf falls to a knee. Link runs in but Ganondorf ducks the Shining Wizard! Only for Link to come back with the BOOMERANG mule kick! Link kicks Ganondorf out of the way, so that he can bring the table back out! Fans cheer again as Link starts setting the table up. He has to stomp Ganondorf down during, but he does get the table on its legs! Link drags Ganondorf up and over and onto the table. But Ganondorf fights back, and RAMS Link into the apron!

Ganondorf clubs Link on his back and puts him on the apron. Ganondorf clubs Link over, and over, and over again! He even climbs up to stomp Link on the apron! Ganondorf drags Link up and brings him over, looking at the table! Fans anticipate what’s coming as Ganondorf brings Link in. Ganondorf lifts Link up to a Hebran rack, but Link kicks and flails! Link slips off and lands on the apron. Link elbows Ganondorf in the back, then puts on a waistlock! Ganondorf grabs ropes to hang on for dear life! Link clubs Ganondorf on his back over, and over, and over again to get Ganondorf to let go. Link puts the waistlock back on and lifts! Ganondorf kicks and flails as fans freak out. Link ends up rotating, and Zelda returns by climbing up top!

Fans chant “Please Don’t Die! Please Don’t Die!” as Zelda leaps! METEORA GERMAN SUPLEX ON THE APRON!! Link and Zelda still take hard landings, with Link checking the back of his head while Zelda checks her nose. Fans are losing their minds while Link and Zelda realize they’re both okay. But that they can both take advantage of Ganondorf. They both rush into the ring and drag Ganondorf to the center, then they both cover! Zelda pushes Link off to keep the cover to herself but Link pushes her off. Link points at her but she slaps his finger away. “Don’t you point at me!” But he points at her again, and she again slaps his hand away. Then he points with his other finger, so she grabs it and bends it back!

Ganondorf sits up and grabs them both by the throats! He stands up but they both break free. Link and Zelda double wrench, kick his legs out, and then kick sandwich him! Ganondorf is on his knees gasping for air while Link and Zelda look at each other. They both still have wrist control, so they stand side by side. DOUBLE LIGHT ARROWS!! The knees smash Ganondorf down! But again, there’s the issue of the cover! Zelda pushes Link, so Link pushes back. Zelda pushes again, so Link pushes again, only for Zelda to HEADBUTT this time! Link staggers from the “Hylian Kiss”, and Zelda grabs him in a chicken wing! Zelda gets the sleeper hold and drags Link down to the mat! It’s the IMPA LOCK! Zelda is using the submission hold of her mentor!!

Link kicks and rolls back to a cover, TWO as Zelda lets him free. Zelda enziguris but Link ducks. He reels her into a wheelbarrow and lifts but she rolls through to a victory roll, DOUBLE STOMPS! Zelda runs while Link gasps for air, and she comes back with the SLIDING LARIAT! Cover, TWO! Fans are thunderous while Zelda grows frustrated. Zelda drags Link up and throws a right palm strike then a left then another right, and then fast strikes to the chest. Zelda spins but Link ROCKS her with a right! He gets her in a waistlock and hits a German Suplex! Bridging cover, TWO, but Link holds on. Link drags Zelda up, for another German Suplex! Link doesn’t bother bridging this time, and brings Zelda back up. He tries a third time but Zelda blocks. She pries at the hold, standing switches, but Link blocks her lift.

Link drops down and bridges to pop out and switch, then hits a third German Suplex! Bridging cover again, TWO!! So close and yet so far for the Hero of Kakariko! Link gets up and brings Zelda up again but she quickly cradle counters! TWO, and Zelda swings a heel kick! Link goes down in a heap and Zelda covers, but Ganondorf breaks it!! Ganondorf still lives, and he drags Zelda up. Zelda throws body shots but Ganondorf clubs her on the back. Ganondorf bumps Zelda off buckles, then again, and again! Ganondorf hoists Zelda up to the top rope then starts to climb, only to notice the table. He grins, and fans anticipate where this is going as he goes to the apron. Ganondorf climbs up from the outside, but Zelda fights back! She throws body shots and clubbing forearms and gets Ganondorf to back down.

Zelda adjusts, but is wary on the very top, and Ganondorf trips her! Ganondorf drags Zelda off the top rope, and again fans get loud as they anticipate what’s about to happen! Ganondorf brings Zelda up, GANON BOMB THROUGH THE TABLE!! Fans lose their minds all over again while King Nicolas is in shocked horror! King Nicolas shouts for his daughter while Ganondorf laughs. Ganondorf goes back to Link in the ring, who is just as shocked. But now, it looks like it’s just the two of them left. The two circle as fans continue the fever pitch. They approach and tie up, Link wrenches to a wristlock but Ganondorf throws a BIG right forearm! Link stays standing and grimaces as Ganondorf eggs him on. Link throws a forearm back, but so does Ganondorf!

Ganondorf laughs and taunts Link, so Link throws another forearm. They brawl now, going back and forth, forearm for forearm! Link gets an edge, but Ganondorf ROCKS him with just one! Ganondorf laughs again as he dares Link to come back. Link fires up and the fans fire up with him. Link grits his teeth, reels back and throws a HUGE forearm! Ganondorf actually staggers! Ganondorf is suddenly mad that Link stepped up to his challenge! He glares at Link, who defiantly puffs out his chance. Ganondorf reels back and Link braces himself, but then Ganondorf knees low! Fans boo as Ganondorf whips Link to ropes. Ganondorf swings, Link ducks and dodges and hits a big back elbow! Ganondorf is down and Link fires up as the fans reach a fever pitch!

Link drags Ganondorf up and tries for a suplex, but Ganondorf resists. Link throws body shots, then clubbing forearm after clubbing forearm. Ganondorf drops to a knee, and Link manages to dead lift FALCON ARROW! Cover, TWO! Link grits his teeth as he goes to a corner. He climbs up top and aims at Ganondorf. Link leaps, corkscrew shooting star, the FIRE ARROW! It hits, but Link won’t stop there! Link goes back up top to corkscrew moonsault for the ICE ARROW! Cover, TWO!! Ganondorf survives the “three arrow” combination that defeated Agahnim! But the fans are still cheering for Link as he gets back to his feet. Link goes to the apron and watches Ganondorf slowly rise to his feet. Link slingshots for the SLING SHOT, but Ganondorf stays standing! Ganondorf withstands the move that defeated Yuga!

Link runs, Ganondorf spins but Link slides under the discus lariat! Link turns around to HOOK SHOT! Ganondorf staggers off ropes and Link reels him in. Link tries to powerbomb lift Ganondorf but Ganondorf back drops! Link sunset flips through, but Ganondorf blocks with size and strength. Ganondorf drags Link up, then pops him up for a GANON BOMB!! High stack cover, TWO!?! No one can believe it!! Link is the first person to survive a Ganon Bomb!! Ganondorf’s face shows how much he’s shocked! But then his shock turns to… a grin!? Ganondorf drags Link up again and puts him in a corner. Ganondorf CHOPS and CHOPS and CHOPS Link in the chest! Link clutches his stinging chest but Ganondorf puts him up top. Ganondorf climbs up to join Link, but Link resists the superplex.

Ganondorf clubs Link on the back and again, then tries again. Link still resists, fights back and adjusts. Link sunset flips over but Ganondorf holds on! Now Ganondorf resists as Link wants the powerbomb! Ganondorf punches down but Link moves, and Ganondorf punches the buckle! Link grabs the hand and pulls to tuck Ganondorf in for a SUPERKICK! Then Link gets back under Ganondorf, for a RUNNING BOMB!! Cover, TWO!! Faron Woods is thunderous as Link watches Ganondorf sit up. Ganondorf laughs as he eggs Link on. Link buzzsaws, then immediately heel kicks! Link takes a step back to aim and power up as Ganondorf slumps over. SPIN ATTACK SPECIAL! Direct hit but Link won’t stop there! Link drags Ganondorf up to underhook and lift but Ganondorf is still big. So Link settles for an underhook facebuster, The Helm Splitter! Cover, TWO!?!?

Link is shocked and Faron Woods can’t believe it! But Link wrenches and KICKS Ganondorf in the chest. And again! And again! Kick after kick after kick, and then reels Ganondorf in for a COMPLETE SHOT! Link keeps hold to drag Ganondorf back up, BLADE RUNNER! And then Link has both wrists, LIGHT ARROW!! Cover, LINK WINS!!

Winner: Link, by pinfall (INAUGURAL HPW Hyrule Triforce Champion)

History and destiny converge with victory! The Triforce Champion has been chosen, and it is a young man from Kakariko! The emotion of this moment shows on Link’s face as he sits in the middle of the ring. King Nicolas brings the title belt into the ring, but Zelda also gets back in. Link is on his guard as she hobbles over. Zelda stares Link down, but then holds out a hand. Everyone is surprised, and a few fans are wary, but Link accepts the handshake. Zelda raises the new champion’s hand in victory, and even helps put the belt on around his waist.

King Nicolas takes up a mic to speak to the new champion. “Well done, Link! You’re HPW’s first world champion, and by extension, Hyrule’s first world champion. The birds are singing. Isn’t it beautiful? You, Link, are the champion of Hyrule!” Faron Woods cheers again as Tiger Sahasrahla presents Link with a bouquet. Does the new champion have anything to say? Link takes the mic and looks at Zelda. “I guess that’s worth a kiss, huh?” Zelda laughs and says, “What?” “I won!” Link drops the mic and the streamers fly! Fans cheer and even laugh as the new Hero of Hyrule holds his hands up in victory! But how long will he reign atop HPW as Triforce Champion?

 


 

My Thoughts:

April Fools’, obviously! This article was originally written with April Fool’s Day purely in mind, but how strange for our world to be in such disarray around this time. Now more than before, I felt this little bit of fanfiction would be something fun for everyone to enjoy. I’m not even the biggest Legend of Zelda fan, and this was all inspired by something that inspired me to design that Hyrule Triforce Championship belt. After making the belt, it just sprouted into this alternate universe that combines some great interests of mine, chief among them actually being writing fiction period.

This piece is also meant to be a thank you to The Chairshot for having me join up with them. I was really struggling in many different ways over three years ago, and I joined up with the group before it was even called The Chairshot. I believe it was “Pro-Wrestling Dot Biz” back then. And now we’ve also partnered with eWrestlingNews. To any of our readers from both The Chairshot and EWN who happen to be reading this, or even just took the time to click on this article, I thank you. And if you actually did like this, please let me know in the comments either directly on the site or through social media. There’s a good chance I’ll come up with more for some sort of special occasion, or if things really are that desperate.


Let us know what you think on social media @ChairshotMedia and always remember to use the hashtag #UseYourHead!
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