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Mitchell’s AEW Dark Results & Report! (5/12/20)

Dark goes BIG!

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AEW Dark Coverage

The most jam-packed episode of Dark ever!

With Double or Nothing on the horizon, AEW is doubling down on Dark! With NINE first-ever matches, who antes up and wins big?

OFFICIAL RESULTS

  • Colt Cabana VS Shawn Dean; Cabana wins.
  • Jurassic Express VS Mike Reed & Ryan Rembrandt; Jurassic Express wins.
  • Private Party VS Lee Johnson & Musa; Private Party wins.
  • Preston Vance VS Jon Cruz; Vance wins.
  • Fenix VS Alan Angels; Fenix wins.
  • Kris Statlander VS Dani Jordyn; Statlander wins.
  • Orange Cassidy VS Jason Cade; Cassidy wins.
  • Britt Baker VS Skyler Moore; Baker wins.
  • No Disqualifications: Luther VS Jimmy Havoc w/ The Superbad Squad; Havoc wins.

PLAY BY PLAY

Excalibur and Taz welcome us to the show!

This is a super sized episode of Dark tonight! Get ready for great action in all the divisions!

 

Colt Cabana VS Shawn Dean!

BOOM BOOM, Colt Cabana got outsmarted by the Superbad super couple last week, but that doesn’t count him out of the running for Double or Nothing. Will Cabana rebound off The Captain to start off this extra big episode?

The bell rings and Cabana circles with Dean. Cabana tricks Dean with the high hands to get a leg takedown. He turns Dean over to tie up the legs but Dean scrambles to get the ropebreak. Cabana lets up and Dean circles with him again. Dean won’t fall for the same trick twice, so Cabana calls for a low grapple. This trick works and Cabana gets Dean with a headlock takeover. Dean fights up but Cabana hits another takedown. They get up again and Dean powers out, only for Cabana to run him over. Dean gets to a corner and cools off while Cabana smiles. Cabana tries offering Dean a leg but Dean doesn’t trust that, either. They tie up, Cabana wrenches to a wristlock and then wrenches again. Cabana wrenches more and brings Dean down to the mat. Dean kips up but Cabana wrangles him back down. Cabana cranks on the wrist but Dean kips again. Cabana brings Dean down again, Dean kips up but both men roll. Cabana catches Dean into a body scissors to roll him to a cover, TWO!

Things speed up, Dean hurdles and dropkicks Cabana out! Dean salutes as Cabana catches his breath. Cabana has the medic check his teeth and they’re all there. Cabana returns to the ring and circles with Dean again. They tie up with the low knuckle locks, and go shoulder to shoulder in the test of strength. Cabana hooks a leg and bends Dean back. Cover, ONE! Cabana pushes Dean down for another cover, TWO and Dean kips up. Cabana drops, spins and reels Dean in to short arm scissor! Dean works on an escape but Cabana cranks the arm. Cabana makes this a cover, ONE but Cabana keeps hold of the arm. Cabana shifts but Dean fights his way up. Cabana keeps Dean from ropes so Dean cartwheels and wrenches. Cabana wrenches back but Dean DECKS him! Dean covers, ONE! Dean waistlocks and drags Cabana down to a cover, ONE! He tries again, ONE!

Cabana gets ropes but Dean yanks him away. Dean rams Cabana into the corner then rams his shoulder into Cabana’s back. The ref backs Dean off but Dean runs in, into a CHOP! Cabana dodges and CHOPS Dean again. Dean comes back but Cabana throws jabs! Flip, flip, ‘n’ fly for the BIONIC ELBOW! Then corner to corner for the FLYING APPLE! SUPERMAN CLUTCH! Cabana wins!

Winner: Colt Cabana, by pinfall

BOOM BOOM, back on track! Will Cabana make up for losing to Kip Sabian by moving up the rankings?

 

Jurassic Express VS Mike Reed & Ryan Rembrandt!

Jungle Boy and Luchasaurus are back in action! And before going up against Best Friends tomorrow night, they go up against The Hot Shot and #TripleR, Remarkable Ryan Rembrandt! Will this return to action be remarkable for the boy and his dinosaur?

Reed and Rembrandt don’t take JB and Luchasaurus serious, so JB shotgun dropkicks Reed out of the ring! And Luchasaurus BOOTS Rembrandt down! Then Jurassic Express combines with the wheelbarrow lift TAIL WHIP and spinning facebuster! JB runs and DIVES onto Reed, and then comes back as Rembrandt bails out to DIVE again! JB keeps moving, he FLIES to bowl Reed and Rembrandt down! JB puts Rembrandt in, officially tags in, and then pops Rembrandt up to Luchasaurus’ wheelbarrow. Luchasaurus his a wheelbarrow GERMAN SUPLEX! JB gives Luchasaurus a boost in rolling back, to SPIKE-RANA Rembrandt down! Reed runs in to go after JB while the ref is busy with Luchasaurus. Reed drags Rembrandt over and tags in. Reed throws uppercuts and rams into JB at the corner. He stomps a mudhole but the ref counts and backs Reed off. Reed goes back and brings JB up, but JB headbutts low. Reed clubs JB down then wrenches and hits a Russian Leg Sweep STO! Cover, ONE!

Reed keeps between JB and his corner and throws haymakers. JB throws them back and even CHOPS! Reed kicks low then tags Rembrandt. Reed whips and atomic drops JB for Rembrandt’s KNEE! Cover, TWO! Rembrandt drags JB up and bumps him off buckles. Rembrandt runs in, corner clotheslines, and then reels JB in for a belly2belly suplex! Cover, TWO! Rembrandt keeps on JB and bumps him off Reed’s boot. Tag to Reed but JB pushes back. Reed throat chops but JB fights back! JB elbows Rembrandt, dodges Reed and enziguris Rembrandt down. JB shoulders into Reed then slingshots to hot tag Luchasaurus! Luchasaurus rallies with kicks, ROUNDHOUSE takes down Reed! Rembrandt dodges a boot but gets a heel kick, and then a helluva kick! Luchasaurus fireman’s carries Reed but Reed flails free. Reed throws a haymaker but it just angers Luchasaurus! Luchasaurus HEADBUTTS, then GODZILLA CHOKE SLAMS, into the standing moonsault! Cover, but Rembrandt breaks it! Now Luchasaurus’ wrath turns to Rembrandt.

Luchasaurus blocks Rembrandt’s punch, and whips him to JB’s SUPERKICK! Luchasaurus SUPERKICKS Rembrandt and JB throws him out of the ring. Jurassic Express has Reed up in the gut wrench, and toss to the CUTTER! Cover, Jurassic Express wins!

Winners: Jurassic Express, by pinfall

Marko Stunt celebrates with his team, because the 2020 undefeated streak continues! Will the streak extend to this Wednesday Night Dynamite?

 

Private Party VS Lee Johnson & Musa!

Isiah Kassidy & Marq Quen also return to action! Will they be back on track just like Jurassic Express? Or will the party end before it begins?

The teams sort out and Kassidy starts against Johnson. They circle and shake hands to show this is respectful. They tie up, Johnson waistlocks but Kassidy standing switches. Johnson wrenches out to a wristlock and brings Kassidy around. Kassidy spins through and gets a leg takedown to a toehold. Quen tags in and slingshots up and over Kassidy for the senton! Kassidy feeds Johnson to the atomic drop, then hits an enziguri! Quen sweeps the legs, Kassidy camel clutches, “Say Cheese!” STOMPS! Musa runs in but is sent out, and gets Party in Motion! Quen goes back to Johnson with knees, then whips him to ropes for a dropkick! Quen brings Johnson back up for another whip but Johnson reverses, and Musa dumps Quen out! Johnson builds speed and FLIES to take out Quen! Kassidy protests but the ref keeps him back. Johnson puts Quen in to cover, ONE! Johnson keeps on Quen and tags in Musa.

Musa and Johnson mug Quen in the corner and stomp mudholes. The ref reprimands and Musa brings Quen out for a suplex high and hard! Cover, ONE! Musa sucker punches Kassidy then boots Quen. Quen rolls but Musa somersault shotgun dropkicks him down! Tag to Johnson and Johnson throws forearms on Quen. Quen kicks back but gets body shots and forearms for it. Johnson whips but Quen reverses. Johnson sunset flips but Quen manages to tag in Kassidy. Kassidy goes up, SWANTON! Kassidy dropkicks Musa off the apron then goes after Johnson. He whips and dropkicks Johnson down then dusts himself off. Kassidy has Johnson in the corner and CHOPS him! Tag to Quen and Private Party whips to whip and Kassidy hits a back elbow! Quen adds a forearm smash and tags Kassidy at the same time. Kassidy goes up as Quen brings Johnson out. Neckbreaker double stomps, then suplex to hang Johnson out for the springboard HOTSHOT!

Johnson is down on the ramp and Quen tags in. Quen DIVES onto Musa, then regroups with Kassidy to SPLASH onto Johnson! Private Party brings Johnson back up and into the ring with a back drop! They line up the shot, tornado COMPLETE SHOT! Quen is up top, for the SHOOTING STAR! Cover, Private Party wins!

Winners: Private Party, by pinfall

The party boys are back and will surely be celebrating this victory! Will the entire AEW Tag Division be partying with them now that they’ve returned?

 

Preston Vance VS Jon Cruz!

Number 10 has his second match since joining The Dark Order. Will he make an example out of Puerto Rico’s Serpentico?

The bell rings and the two circle. They tie up, Cruz goes after the wristlock but 10 just throws him down. Cruz gets up and circles with 10 again. Cruz dodges the clothesline but runs into a knee! Cruz stays up and tries again, and ducks the boot but not the LARIAT! Number 10 just watches Cruz scramble to the corner. He brings Cruz up but Cruz throws body shots. Number 10 CLUBS Cruz down, then whips him to ropes for a BOOT! And then a DRAPING COMPLETE SHOT! Cruz flops out of the ring but 10 goes out the side. Cruz crawls as 10 comes around the way. Number 10 runs in but Cruz moves and 10 only gets steel steps! Cruz scurries away while 10 goes into the ring. Cruz follows and enziguris 10 away! Cruz climbs up and leaps, but 10 gets clear, to SPINE BUSTER Cruz on the return! Cover, Number 10 wins!

Winner: Preston Vance, aka Number 10, by pinfall

And Mr. Brodie Lee appears to applaud his top recruit. Will Number 10 help The Exalted One take over all of AEW?

 

Fenix VS Alan Angels!

The Immortal Firebird also makes a return to AEW! Will he lead the way for the Death Triangle trio with a singles victory?

The bell rings and Fenix circles with Angels. They tie up, Fenix waistlocks but Angels standing switches. Fenix reaches back to headlock and uses that to free himself from he waistlock. Angesl wrenches through and yanks on the wristlock. Angels hammerlocks then headlocks but Fenix reaches for ropes. He can’t get any so he rolls back and throws Angels off. Fenix wheelbarrows but runs, only to get caught in a cradle! TWO and Angels waistlocks. Fenix tries but can’t buck him off, and Angels changes from O’Conner roll to sunset flip. Cover, TWO and Fenix springboards away. Angels kips up, into a SUPERKICK! Cover, TWO! Fenix keeps on Angels with a chinlock and he grinds Angels down. Fenix shifts to trap the arms to karate CHOP Angels in the neck! Fenix wrenches an arm and drops a leg on it! Angels gets to a corner but Fenix brings him up. Fenix back suplexes but Angels elbows free. Angels swings into a waistlock, but breaks free to ROCK Fenix with a haymaker!

Fenix BOOTS back then hops up, only for Angels to uppercut. But Fenix recovers to springboard missile dropkick! Cover, TWO! Fenix grows frustrated with the ref’s count but two is two. Fenix drags Angels up and around, telling him this is going to end. But Angels SLAPS Fenix! Fenix KNEES Angels down for it, and has him in the corner. Fenix runs corner to corner, but into a SUPERKICK! Angels goes for another but Fenix puts him on the apron. Angels enziguris, then steps in to shotgun dropkick! Angels brings Fenix up to a fireman’s carry, WIDOWMAKER! Cover, TWO!! Angels almost had a AAA World Tag Team Champion beat!? Fenix crawls to a corner but flops out of the ring. Angels keeps his cool as he goes to the apron, only for Fenix to SUPERKICK the legs out! Angels clutches his legs as Fenix gets on the apron. Fenix runs at Angels but into a LARIAT! Fenix hits the apron but Angels puts him in the ring.

Angels climbs up top and leaps, DUMDUM STOMPS! That’s a very Fenix move, and then Angels hits a running MOONSAULT! Cover, TWO!! Fenix survives again and Angels can’t believe how close he is! Angels follows Fenix to the ramp side and brings him up. He throws haymakers but Fenix CHOPS! They brawl with the ropes between them and both men ROCK each other! Fenix is still on the outside as he shakes out the cobwebs. But he’s back to jump, jump, readjust and jump, to CROSSBODY! Cover, TWO!! Angels gets to a corner but Fenix springboard SOBATS! Fenix puts Angels up top to CHOP and KINNIKUMAN BUSTER!! Cover, Fenix wins!

Winner: Rey Fenix, by pinfall

The spinning muscle buster finally brings Angels down to Earth, and Fenix has a victorious return! Will he, Pentagon and PAC be able to have an equally victorious return to trios action in the near future?

 

Kris Statlander VS Dani Jordyn!

The Galaxy’s Greatest Alien is still high in the rankings of the AEW Women’s Division. She will battle Britt Baker, Penelope Ford and Hikaru Shida in a Fatal 4 Way all but guaranteed to determine a #1 contender, but will #TheREALMeanGirl ruin all of that tonight?

The bell rings and Kris circles with DJ. They tie up, Kris headlocks but DJ backs out to headlock in return. Kris powers out, things speed up and Kris runs DJ over. DJ gets up but into an arm-drag! She arm-drags back and trips Kris up, but Kris kips up to sweep the legs! Kris cannonballs but DJ avoids the senton to ghost pin! TWO but DJ almost had Kris! Kris spins, rolls in a modified sunset flip, TWO! Both women stand off and reset. DJ offers a handshake, but Kris makes her boop herself first. And then Kris makes DJ boop Kris, and then Kris boops herself. Kris whips, DJ reverses but Kris reverses back to pump handle and flip DJ into a short arm scissor! DJ reaches and flails and rolls around to a cover. TWO and Kris lets DJ go to run her over with an elbow! DJ bails out of the ring but Kris takes aim. Kris runs and baseball slides, but DJ dodges to RAM her into barriers! And then the apron! DJ “apologizes” before she throws Kris into the ring. Cover, TWO!

DJ drags Kris up and throws a slapping palm strike! And then a big forearm! DJ bumps Kris off buckles then runs in to uppercut! DJ snapmares and rolls to basement dropkick! Cover, TWO! Kris grits her teeth but DJ drags her up. Kris ROCKS DJ with forearms then whips her to a corner. Kris runs in but into a boot! She still elbows DJ back! Kris whips corner to corner but DJ reverses. Kris goes up and over and uppercuts in return! Kris runs side to side to KNEE DJ out of the ring! Kris hits the wrecking ball dropkick! She fires up and puts DJ back in the ring. Kris climbs up top as DJ staggers up. Kris leaps but DJ dodges! DJ runs into a PELE! Kris runs but DJ waistlocks and shoves to then scoop. Kris boops and handsprings out to LARIAT! Kris drags DJ up, gut wrenches and hits BIG BANG THEORY! Cover, Kris wins!

Winner: Kris Statlander, by pinfall

The incredible extraterrestrial heads on towards that critical Fatal 4 Way! Will Kris become a contender against the Dentist, the Bad Girl and the Stardom Samurai?

 

Orange Cassidy VS Jason Cade!

While his Best Friends will battle Jungle Boy and Luchasaurus on Wednesday, this is about The Sloth working to get on a roll of his own. Will Mr. Ego-Trip get a helping of #FreshlySqueezed tonight?

The bell rings and Cassidy only now puts his elbow pad on. Chuck Taylor and Trent rally for Cassidy, as he brings the hands up. Cade won’t let the hands go in the pockets, and then kicks Cassidy low. Cade headlocks but Cassidy slowly pries out and wrenches to a wristlock. Cassidy puts one hand in his pocket while holding onto the hold. Cade is confused, but then he takes the sunglasses and throws them away! Cade slaps the hold apart, but now Cassidy uses both hands to wrench and wring Cade out! And the hands go back in the pockets. Cade gets up in a huff but Cassidy dodges, runs and arm-drags! Then he sweeps the legs, covers, ONE! Cade goes to sweep but Cassidy jumps over to dropkick him down! No hands kip up! Trent brings Cassidy his sunglasses and the look is complete. Cade gets in, runs into a waistlock, Cassidy half nelsons and head-drags, to then sit with Cade and give a thumbs up.

Cade is not amused and makes it a thumbs down. Cassidy takes his sunglasses off now and now he’s mad! Cade elbows Cassidy away then KNEES him down! Cade just glares at Cassidy and then asks the ref to check on him. Cassidy is awake and wrenches Cade to hook a leg and bring him down to a cover! Cassidy wins!!

Winner: Orange Cassidy, by pinfall

Cade can’t believe he got caught by Cassidy! Best Friends use the new Freshly Squeezed beach towels as rally towels while Cade complains to the ref. Trent helps Cassidy get dressed and show off the merch while Cade throws a tantrum. Will the Best Friends keep things going tomorrow night when they go up against Jurassic Express?

 

Britt Baker VS Skyler Moore!

The Greatest Alien got a win but she’s not a “true role model” like The Dentist. Will Britt be smiling into the Fatal 4 Way? Or will Skyler leave her wanting Moore?

The bell rings and Britt circles with Skyler. They tie up, and Britt claims she gets hit right in the nose! She goes to the ropes and then says she broke a nail! Skyler is not letting Britt use a bunch of excuses, but Britt waits until Skyler gets back. The ref has Skyler stay away and Britt returns. They approach and Britt kicks low! Britt throws forearms, whips, but Skyler dodges. Britt whips again but Skyler reverses the hip toss to a takedown and cover. ONE and Britt has the ghost pin. ONE, Skyler blocks the superkick but Britt shoves her to SUPERKICK on the return! Britt smiles as she drags Skyler up for forearms and a snap suplex! Skyler crawls away but Britt goes after her with stomps and kicks. Britt stomps away on Skyler at the ropes but the ref backs her off. Skyler crawls and flounders but Britt puts her on the ropes to choke! The ref counts, Britt lets off at 4, and she grabs Skyler’s arms to surfboard STOMP her into ropes! Britt stands on Skyler again but stops at 4. She kicks the ropes to jam Skyler up!

Skyler flounders to a corner but Britt goes out. Britt grabs the arms and pulls Skyler into the post! The ref counts but Britt stops at 4 with a scrape of her boot. Britt says she can fix whatever damage she just did, and throws more forearms! She wrenches, knees and flips Skyler down into a headscissors. Britt cranks on the neck but Skyler endures. Britt keeps cranking but Skyler refuses to quit. Britt shifts to a chinlock and grinds Skyler down. Skyler fights her way up and stomps a foot! Skyler throws forearms but Britt kicks low. Britt whips but Skyler sunset flips, only for Britt to roll through. Britt rolls Skyler but Skyler inside cradles! TWO and Britt kicks low. Britt runs to KNEE Skyler in the head, then hit a fisherman neckbreaker! Britt demands the ref give her a glove and he obeys. Britt puts on the glove, blocks the roll up, and wrenches the wrist while stomping Skyler. Britt rolls Skyler to the Rings of Saturn, for LOCKJAW! Skyler taps, Britt wins!

Winner: Britt Baker, by submission

Britt doesn’t let go until she’s satisfied, and then brags while taking the glove off. Will Britt be bragging when she goes up against Kris, Penelope and Hikaru?

 

No Disqualifications: Luther VS Jimmy Havoc w/ The Superbad Squad!

Finally! After waiting for months, we will finally see the original death dealer play ball with the headstrong hardcore anti-hero! With no rules standing in their way, what won’t these two do to each other just for a win?

The bell rings and Sabian distracts Luther already. Havoc attacks and goes after Luther in the corner. Luther shoves Havoc down but Havoc comes back for more! Luther shoves Havoc again then dodges Havoc on the return. Luther CHOPS Havoc over and over, but Havoc catches the hand. Havoc BITES, then wrenches to a shoulder breaker! Havoc wrenches and bites the hand again! He ROCKS Luther with a right then goes corner to corner. Luther puts him on the apron and grabs Havoc by his hair. Havoc hotshots the arm then climbs up top. Havoc leaps but Luther catches him! FALL AWAY SLAM! Sabian slips Havoc a chair, and Havoc uses it to block the Fast Ball! Havoc SMACKS away on Luther, from back to arm to leg and the back again! Havoc sets the chair down, puts the hand under it, and then heads up top. Luther gets up and THROWS the chair at Havoc! Havoc tumbles down and regroups with Sabian. Luther climbs up top and CANNONBALLS onto them both!

Luther drags Havoc up while Penelope checks on Sabian. Luther whips Havoc hard into railing! The ref checks on Havoc while Luther gets himself a chair. Luther bumps Havoc off barriers then brings him to the chair, for a backbreaker! Havoc is bent back on the chair and Luther drops a knee! The knee guillotines Havoc off the chair, but Luther drags him back up. Luther bumps Havoc off the chair and then stalks him to the steel steps. Luther knees Havoc and puts him back in the ring. Luther whips and BOOTS Havoc down! The Superbad Squad coaches Havoc up but Luther scares them off with the chair! Luther intercepts Sabian’s chair assist and then JAMS his chair into Havoc. Luther sits a chair up and then brings Havoc up. Havoc ROCKS Luther with rights then runs, but Luther hip tosses Havoc ONTO THE CHAIR! The edge of the chair back gets Havoc in the back! Havoc and chair topple over, and Luther drops knees!

Luther drags Havoc around and scoops him for a slam, on the chair! Cover, TWO!! Havoc survives and the Superbad Squad is relieved. Luther is furious and drags Havoc up. Luther snap suplexes Havoc back onto the chair, covers, TWO! Luther keeps his cool and sets the chair up again. He also fetches the second chair and sets it up next to the first. Luther sets Havoc up in this chair hammock and then goes up top. Sabian anchors Luther to save his friend, and Havoc SHORYUKENS! Havoc climbs up to grab Luther, for a SUPER STEINER over the chairs! That was fortunate for Luther, but Havoc sets a chair on his chest. Havoc goes up top, DIVING STOMPS onto the chair! Cover, TWO!! Penelope is angry on behalf of Havoc while Luther gets away to the ramp. Havoc pursues but Luther kicks ropes to indirectly low blow Havoc! Luther drags Havoc out to butterfly suplex onto the ramp! Havoc clutches his arms but Luther drags him back into the ring.

Luther turns Havoc around and has him against the ropes. Luther climbs the ropes for a SUPER BULLDOG onto a chair!! Cover, TWO!! Havoc still lives and Luther is shocked! Luther vows to end it here, and he camel clutches Havoc and claws at the eyes! But Havoc pries the hands off him, so Luther clubs away on Havoc’s back! Luther claws at Havoc’s eyes again, but Penelope splashes him with water! The ref reprimands Penelope but Sabian throws a chair at Luther’s head! Direct hit, and Havoc tops it off with the FISHERMAN DDT!! Cover, Havoc wins!!

Winner: Jimmy Havoc, by pinfall

A No Disqualifications that felt more like a handicap match, the Superbad Squad supports each other against the death dealer! Will Havoc, Sabian and Penelope all climb the ranks of AEW together?


My Thoughts:

AEW Dark goes over an hour with having this many matches at once, but I don’t really think it was any better than most episodes as of late. All the obvious choices won from start to finish, but the surprising performance came from Alan Angels. Angels got a strong showing against Kenny Omega and then one here against Fenix, so there must be something AEW sees in him. I’m not sure where he’ll fit into the bigger picture of AEW’s roster, but maybe when the live audience is able to return, their reaction to him will be a gauge of where he stands. The same goes for Jason Cade, who got to show a lot of character against Orange Cassidy. With Best Friends taking on Jurassic Express, I hope we get some Cassidy and Marko Stunt gags on the outside while the match goes on.

I am glad we finally got Luther VS Havoc, even now that Havoc is becoming a Heel. Of course, No DQ allowed Sabian and Penelope to get involved, since we knew they would anyway, and they together beat Luther. I suppose this is fine, as Luther stays strong despite hardly being used during Empty Arena Era. I just don’t think the feud continues now, as I can’t take Luther seriously as a Face with all the tongue wagging and finger pointing to his temple.

My Score: 8/10


Let us know what you think on social media @ChairshotMedia and always remember to use the hashtag #UseYourHead!
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