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Hyrule News


Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu News! (6/30/20)

The Dark Forces have a message!

The Hyrule Pro-Wrestling Trios Champions have a message!

At the most recent HPW press conference, King Nicolas Foolyere Hyrule named the Eventide Challenge qualifiers, but also officially named contenders to the HPW Exquisite Championship and Trios Championships. Today, Cia and the Dark Forces posted a video in response to the news.

Cia again sits on a throne with Volga, Wizzro, Gibdo and ReDead lurking nearby. “Iron Knuckle, and The Dark Nuts. Or as you want to be called now, Forged. In. Violence. Nice name. Did it take you all year to come up with it?” Cia doesn’t mean to offend them, but even they have to be smart enough to realize they have no idea what they’re doing. They had to intimidate “a frail old man” to get this title shot. Iron Knuckle and the Dark Nuts have not done anything to deserve this shot at the HPW Trios Championships! Cia is 100% confident that her generals will “defend the honor of King Nicolas,” as well as successfully retain their titles. Volga tells Forged In Violence that he will “cook you alive inside those tin cans.” All Gibdo and ReDead add are creepy grumbles and heavy breathing.

“While we’re here,” Cia would like to address her opponent at Treasure Island, the HPW Goddess Champion, Midna. Midna thinks she’s hilarious hiding in some dark room somewhere, playing around on the computer, sending weird messages while barely going outside. “You got lucky in the tournament, you little imp!” They were on different sides of the bracket, and Midna had it easy compared to Cia. But now that they’ll finally have a match, Midna will see she’s “not a goddess, or even a Twilight Princess, whatever that is. You’re just a little weirdo!” On Eventide Island, Cia will shine as she finally has her treasure.


Naturally, Midna responds.

“Excuses, excuses.” Cia sure thinks she’s something, doesn’t she? If anyone’s lucky, it’s Cia. She won against Zelda while Zelda was pulling double duty, then won against her again after Zelda was powerbomb’d through a table. And if Cia wants to talk about playing around, Cia’s the one playing pretend that she’s the once and future Goddess of Hyrule. Cia needs to see things how they are, not how she wants them to be. Midna said it weeks ago, but maybe she has to say it again so it sinks in. “You aren’t going to win relying on cronies. You’re going to be all alone on Treasure Island. Open your eyes and see the twilight.” The Twilight Emblem ends the message. Will it finally get through to the Dark Sorceress?

My Thoughts:

Anyone getting Zelina Vega vibes from Cia? Because that’s kinda who I’m going for with her promos. Somewhere between Zelina and Alexa Bliss, the two shortest, sassiest superstars who do great as Heels, both as wrestlers and managers. Meanwhile, I’m just trying to keep Midna as Midna, her own kind of sassy. Maybe Midna should be the Alexa Bliss in this, who can be sassy even as a Face. And for those who know more about Midna from the Legend of Zelda games, I’m sure you’re wondering which form we’re getting at Treasure Island. You’ll just have to wait and see, because even I’m not sure which I want to use.


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