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Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu News! (7/18/20)

It’s a big news round-up for HPW!



Hyrule Puro-Resu News Generic

Set sail for Treasure Island!

The match card has been set for the most ambitious event in Hyrule Puro-Resu history! After last week’s Lanayru Bay event, we now have our #EventideSix! There was a bit of tension between them after the main event, so HPW has chosen to forgo a press conference format with the six sitting at tables by a podium. Instead, HPW conducts individual interviews to the liking of each contender.

First, Ashei.

HPW commentator Telma congratulates Ashei on winning her Eventide Qualifier. Telma has seen Ashei grow up quite a lot in the ring, even before joining HPW. How does it feel to have been one of the only women chosen in the original field of nine? “That was a huge honor for me. I honestly didn’t expect to get chosen when there were so many other big names on the roster.” And obviously, she’s aware of how big it was to not just survive but win her Triple Threat match. Her father called and said how proud he was of her. It’s a little known fact that Ashei is a second-generation wrestler, but even Ashei knows her father wasn’t as big of a name as, say, the King of Hyrule, Nicolas Foolyere. Not that she’s trying to make it seem as if Zelda was part of this match because of her father’s name. Like Ashei, Zelda earned her spot by winning her Triple Threat.

In that case, how does Ashei respond to Zelda’s words at the end of the Lanayru Bay event? Zelda said she is looking forward to competing against Ashei in the Eventide Challenge, and so is Ashei. It’s great that Women’s Wrestling is rising up the card in Hyrule. Ashei and Zelda both want to prove female wrestlers are just as good as male wrestlers, and that hopefully one day, THE best wrestler in the world is a woman. But Ashei also wants to show that “your name doesn’t make you great. You make you great. I make myself great, and I will make myself the next #1 contender.” Telma wishes Ashei the best of luck and Ashei thanks her.

Second, Garo Master.

HPW correspondent Paya is very nervous talking to the masked figure as she brings up that while he qualified for the Eventide Challenge, he wasn’t involved in the decision and essentially “survived.” Because of the mask, it is hard to tell if Garo is upset by her comments. Paya sheepishly asks for him to say something, anything at all. The sudden turn of his head spooks her, but he catches the mic she drops. He slowly brings it to the beak-like part of the mask and speaks. “There is no shame in surviving. Only in defeat. I will not be defeated on Eventide.” With that, he hands the microphone back to Paya, and walks away.

Third, Master Kohga.

HPW commentator Rusl interviews the leader of the Yiga Clan, and congratulates him on winning his Triple Threat. Kohga thanks him for the congratulations, and offers Rusl a banana. Rusl politely refuses. How does Kohga feel being back in the title hunt after some “missteps” at the start of the year? Well, Kohga should’ve figured it was a “sneaky trick by the Sheikah” that kept him out of the Triforce Tournament. Zelda pretending to be a man, something about that threw Kohga off in the Bracket of Wisdom qualifier and that is why he lost. Rusl isn’t sure how that could be, but Kohga gets offended, asking Rusl if he’s calling Kohga a liar. Rusl says he isn’t, he’s just trying to understand. Kohga waves that off and sneaks a bite of the banana under his mask.

So then, how would it feel for Kohga to get a semblance of payback against Zelda in the Eventide Challenge? It would be incredible! Not just because it’d be payback on Zelda, but on Zelda’s mentor, Impa. Impa and her Sheikah have always been high and mighty because of their closeness to King Nicolas, but no longer! Kohga and his Yiga Clan will “knock them down a peg, just you wait and see!” Kohga finishes his banana then tosses the peel at the camera. By the time the peel comes off the lens, Kohga’s gone!

Fourth, Groose.

HPW correspondent Seres waits as the Skyfall Stud walks in. “YES! Going to Eventide!” Well then, Seres probably doesn’t have to ask how excited he is about this opportunity. Groose is more than excited, he is feeling really good about this. Yes, he “survived” his match when Kohga dropped in out of nowhere to take out King Moblin, but Kohga could’ve easily dropped those knees on Groose. Groose feels very fortunate, and very confident of his chances. In fact, Groose guarantees two things for Treasure Island: “I win the Eventide Challenge, and Link keeps the Triforce Championship!” Then Groose and his “good buddy” can have “the epic rematch” from the Triforce Tournament. “And no way I’m gonna let some scrawny clown snatch that prize from me!” Who is he referring to? “Oh, he knows who I mean.” Groose looks right into the camera as he points. “See you there, Prince!” Groose nods as he backs out of frame.

Fifth, Zelda.

HPW commentator Shad sits with Zelda in the ring for their interview. Shad congratulates Zelda on winning the third Triple Threat qualifier, and asks how it feels to also have won the main event in Lanayru Bay. It wouldn’t have mattered to Zelda if she was in the opener, the middle or the main event, she was going to do everything she had to in order to win. So the bottom line is that she won, she feels good about that, and she is really excited to go to Eventide Island.

We know Zelda said she’s excited to have Ashei in the match, but what does she think of the others in the match? Zelda has known Groose for some time, so it might be interesting with him in the mix. But before she can speak to the others, Fin Balure barges his way onto the stage! His interviewer, Irene, tries to get him to return backstage but he just keeps going down to the ring. Zelda gets up out of her seat to stare Fin down as he stands on the apron. Irene hurries up the steps, still trying to reason with him. Fin stays on the apron and Zelda stays in the ring but the tension mounts. Fin tells Irene to interview him here on the apron. She’s a bit surprised and confused but does as suggested.

“Fin Balure,” Irene starts. “You didn’t win the Triple Threat, but you also didn’t lose, so you still qualified for the Eventide Challenge. How will you redeem yourself in that match?” Fin looks at Irene as he says, “Redeem myself? There’s nothing to redeem.” It took both Zelda and Rosso to keep him out of the finish. If anything, Zelda made a mistake in letting Fin stay in the Eventide Challenge. And Fin promises to make her regret that mistake. “As far as I see it, there are gonna be five losers left behind on Treasure Island. And The Prince isn’t any single one of ’em.” Fin hops down off the apron and heads back up the ramp. Irene follows after, and Shad tentatively steps closer to Zelda to ask for a response. Zelda brings up Shad’s question that was interrupted. “I can’t wait to fight him.”


Igos du Ikana has a message.

“Do you know the definition of the word, ‘exquisite,’ Ghirahim? Something is ‘exquisite’ when it is extremely beautiful and, typically, very delicate.” Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but the latter part of that definition fits Ghirahim perfectly. His fragile ego couldn’t take losing to Link, losing the battle royal, and then losing to Igos, and he snapped. He went after Groose, and though he won, had to prop his self-esteem up with “an absolutely garish looking belt.” The strap alone burns Igos’ eyes every time he tries to look at it. Fortunately, if the championship is exquisite now, Igos can break it. And then Igos will rebuild it, not in his image the way Ghirahim did. Igos will rebuild the title stronger than ever before. He will rebuild it from the ashes of Ghirahim’s narcissism as it #FallsToRuin.


HPW Media interviews Triforce Champion, Link!

The Hero of Hyrule will finally have his first title defense after a prolonged process to determine a challenger. We’ve seen him training with Groose and Rosso, so he’s looking great, but how does he feel going into a rematch of sorts against Ganondorf Dragmire? But before Link can answer, Link sees Ganondorf coming up behind the camera. The camera moves to see Ganondorf standing there, wearing his boar headdress.

Ganondorf chuckles as he takes the headdress off. Does Link seriously think what he did in the woods is going to be enough? Link is not going to be ready for him. Link will never be ready. What Link needs to prepare for is what it’s going to be like after Treasure Island. Link needs to be ready to be back where he started before even the Triforce Tournament: “a nobody from some backwater town, holding on to a dream.” And HPW needs to be ready to finally have a champion they can be proud of. A champion they’ll want to feature at every event because they know that champion can actually talk and stand up for himself. HPW needs to be ready for the rule of Ganondorf. Ganondorf puts the headdress back on and leaves. Link glares in Ganondorf’s direction as the camera focuses back on him. “I’ll be ready. He won’t be.”

My Thoughts:

I personally feel really good about the promos in this one. For one, we finally give Garo Master some personality, in that he doesn’t really have one, he’s super serious about winning. Ashei also has an icy personality, it seems to go with her part of Twilight Princess where she’s in the snowy mountains. I didn’t want to betray that with her promo, so I did my best to keep her calm, though obviously it can be tricky to put tone and emotion into text. And it’s pretty clear things are orbiting around Zelda and Fin Balure. Groose wants after Fin, Fin wants after him and Zelda, Kohga wants after Zelda, even Ashei has something to prove compared to Zelda, and Zelda just wants to prove herself as an individual. I’m going to really like writing that Eventide Challenge match.

If it isn’t clear yet, Igos du Ikana is Aleister Black, or as good as I can copy Aleister’s promo style. I’m conflicted on the direction of the midcard title, but I’ll make that match as great as I possibly can. The same goes for the world title with Link and Ganondorf. Treasure Island is really going to be a huge event, that’s for sure.

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Bandwagon Nerds #101: DC Fandome 2021



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Bandwagon Nerds #101: DC Fandome 2021

DC takes over the Bandwagon as Patrick, Dave, Rey and PC Tunney break down the day that was DC Fandome 2021!   Listen as the guys geek out over the biggest trailers and their favorite announcements from the DC Universe.  Plus, the Nerds discuss the Dave Chappelle controversy surrounding Netflix as well as possible labor strike in Hollywood.  Finally, the Bandwagon continues its review of Doom Patrol season 3.

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Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu News Report! (10/17/21)

HPW Media questions Link and his family!



HPW News 2021

There’s a mystery that needs solving!

Kage gave answers, but HPW isn’t satisfied. So now, they question Link and his family on how and why the Hero of Hyrule has a lookalike!


HPW sends Seres and a camera crew to Kakariko Village.

And they go right to Link’s home, just as his sister, Aryll, and their grandmother walk up with grocery bags. Seres calls to them but Aryll doesn’t look in the mood to talk. Aryll has her grandmother unlock the door and go inside as HPW Media walks up. Seres calls to them again but Aryll tells them to go away. Seres says they just want answers.

Aryll knows what they want. They want to parade the family around all because that “Coggy” or whatever his name is looks like her brother. “Isn’t having my brother as the face of your company enough? Isn’t having massive crowds of fans visiting our town, finding our home, and treating it like a tourist attraction enough? Now you want to dig around because you think there’s some kind of scandal involving my parents?” Aryll has no answers for them, because she has no idea what happened to her parents! Maybe they could tell HPW why Kage looks so much like Link but was living with some old man! But as far as her and her grandmother, “LEAVE US ALONE!”

Aryll then steps inside to SLAM the door shut. Seres isn’t sure what to say here, but then manages, “We’re sorry.” Seres has the cameraman shut it down. Will HPW leave the issue at, “just a coincidence?”

My Thoughts:

There’s definitely something brewing here, like a good old fashioned pro-wrestling reveal. If I say too much here, it might give it away, so I’ll leave it at this.

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