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Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu News! (8/9/20)

Fallout from Treasure Island!



Hyrule Puro-Resu News Generic

The Hyrule Puro-Resu landscape is changing!

Treasure Island brought about NEW Trios Champions, a NEW Goddess Champion, and even a NEW Triforce Champion! HPW shares all the backstage interviews from the event, for both winners and losers.


After the HPW Trios Championship match:

Forged By Violence walks in with the titles!

“What did I tell you, gentlemen? What did I tell you?” Iron Knuckle doesn’t wait for Seres to ask a question before explaining that he and the Dark Nuts “forged this alliance of like-minded individuals for one reason and one reason only: these.” They hold up the belts and clink them together. Iron Knuckle had seen the Dark Nuts here and there as they wrestled around the world, and was glad to see they signed with HPW. He knew that they could be “an incredible force of destruction and domination,” so long as they were kept focused. Iron Knuckle had that focus, and now they are all prospering! “A warning to all those who will dare try and end our prosperity, that all you will get in return is suffering.” Who will be next to suffer at the hands of FBV?

The Dark Forces are angry.

Volga is the angriest of them all, as the Burning Berserker usually is. He demands to know what happened with ReDead and Gibdo but then tells them to not bother, they only mumble and grumble anyway. Volga knows Cia will be angry with them, but later, since she has her match to focus on. “I just hope something goes right so she won’t be that upset with us…”


After the HPW Exquisite Championship match:

Igos du Ikana hobbles in with some help.

Seres is wary to ask him how he’s feeling after his loss to Ghirahim. Igos seethes, takes a deep breath to stand up straight, and stares into the camera as he speaks. “Ghirahim… You coward… You will regret this!” With that, he leaves on his own.

Ghirahim spins into the room.

The Living Blade has arms outstretched with belt on his waist as he revels in his triumph. He slows to a stop, laughs and runs his hands through his hair before acknowledging Seres is there waiting. She says it’s obvious he’s proud of what he did to Igos. Ghirahim takes offense that she “dare imply there is any shame to be had.” He gave Igos what he deserved for buzzing around him with that ugly haircut, beard and face of his. Ghirahim wishes to leave Igos in the past and move on with his “glorious life.” Will someone new challenge Ghirahim for the gold? Or is he far from through with the Ruler of Ruin?


After the HPW Goddess Championship:

Cia laughs as she walks in, Wizzro behind her.

The rest of the Dark Forces applaud the new champion as she raises the title. Volga profusely praises “our new goddess,” but she snaps her fingers at him. “Don’t you pretend like your loss doesn’t matter!” She will not let them off easy just because she has the Goddess Championship. The Dark Forces will rule all of HPW, by any means necessary! Cia leads her henchmen away, but will she lead the way into a dark future?

Midna is throwing things with her magic hair!!

She shouts “CIA!!” as water bottles and ice packs go flying! She grabs the cameraman and pulls him in closer! “Cia! You sorry excuse for intelligent life!” Cia just had to resort to using her cronies! Midna won’t stand for this! She demands HPW do something about this! Seres asks Midna to please stop shaking the cameraman! Midna pushes him away and grips the Fused Shadow in her tiny hands. But then she seems to actually acknowledge it. She looks at it as she calms down, and it seems she gets an idea. She has a sinister smile on her face as she puts the Fused Shadow back on. Midna doesn’t say a word as she floats out of the room, what could she be scheming?


After the Eventide Challenge:

Groose walks in first.

Seres asks how he’s doing, and he frowns. He places an ice pack on his neck and another on his head. “I feel really dumb. How could I forget about having to bring the prize back?” Groose sighs, does his best to stand up tall but his neck bothers him and he puts both ice packs on it. The Skyloft Stud walks away, what will bring his spirits back up?

Ashei chugs more water as she walks in.

She finishes the bottle as she walks up to Seres. “I don’t like Eventide… I never want to come back here.” She won’t use it as an excuse, though. She admits she was not ready for many of the others being so much faster than her, which was important given it was partially a race back and forth. Ashei just hopes she’ll get another chance at a title. When and where will that chance come?

Garo Master and Master Kohga enter together.

Kohga seems to be trying to encourage Garo, but Garo just shakes his head. Garo seems to question whether or not he is worthy of having “Master” in his name. Kohga says that’s nonsense. He lost and he’s still “Master Kohga.” Well, the Garo think very differently than the Yiga. Garo Master sulks off and Kohga just looks around and shrugs. Kohga magically brings out a banana, peels it and takes a bite under his mask before walking off.

Fin Balure storms in.

He stops Seres before she starts because obviously, he lost. And instead, Zelda won. Fin didn’t like her being in the running, said some things, but has to admit that she won because she got the better of him and the others. But he tells her, Link and Ganondorf that when they sort it out, the Prince will be waiting.

Finally, Zelda has her turn.

Seres congratulates her on the win, and Zelda thanks her for that. Zelda is still holding onto the golden ball and gives it a hug. The Princess of Hyrule and Triforce of Wisdom is definitely excited to be Ms. Eventide, and therefore the #1 contender. “I will be watching Link and Ganondorf even more closely now,” as it was only moments away from this moment. She will put everything she has into facing the HPW Triforce Champion, whoever it will be. But knowing the results in the present, is she actually pleased the Gerudo Ace is now on top?


After the HPW Triforce Championship main event:

Link walks in slowly.

It isn’t just because he’s battered and bruised from his match with Ganondorf. It is clear on Link’s face that his spirit took a hard hit tonight. Seres tentatively speaks to him about this loss in his first title defense. He reigned for four months but didn’t get much time in the ring despite being the world champion. And though he put up a valiant effort, he lost. She knows he probably doesn’t feel like talking, but wonders how he feels about all of this. Link takes a moment to think that over, holding a rather large ice pack against his neck and shoulder. He works to contain his emotions, and takes a deep breath. He looks at the camera while leaning towards the mic. “I failed you all. And I’m sorry.” Link leaves, his future uncertain.

Ganondorf Dragmire celebrates on the way in!

With belt around his waist, the Gerudo Ace grins as he goes to a table with a six pack of beer waiting for him. “Hello, ladies and gentlemen watching at home! I’m pretty sure you were watching the main event, but in case you weren’t for some random, stupid reason, guess what? Here is your winner, and NEWWWW HPW Triforce Champion, ME! Ganondorrrrf…! Drrrraaagmirrre…!” Ganondorf laughs as he brings one of the beer cans out of the six pack, pops the top and chugs! He lets out a satisfied sigh as he stops.

“Now I know what you’re thinking. How does Ganondorf feel about facing Zelda one-on-one for the title he just won? I feel great!” It took her and “that boy from Kakariko” to defeat Ganondorf. Ganondorf “brutalized” Link, he’ll do the same to Zelda, simple as that. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I going to take care of the other five here and celebrate.” Ganondorf takes the rest of the six pack and makes his exit. Will Zelda prove him wrong when they finally face each other 1v1?

My Thoughts:

So how did I do? I wasn’t sure how to first follow-up Treasure Island, but promos are always good to propel story so this seemed like an obvious choice. Not sure if my Fin Balure really captures the Finn Balor style, especially with it so brief. I’m sure fans of Legend of Zelda can figure out what Midna’s next move is, and I’m excited to write the next part of that. My main concern was capturing Link’s downtrodden mood and Ganondorf’s exact opposite in how he’s over the moon right now. Of course, only so much can be done in text versus visuals. Expect another “news” article for HPW’s plans for the Fall in the coming weeks.

Let us know what you think on social media @ChairshotMedia and always remember to use the hashtag #UseYourHead!

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