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Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu News! (9/22/20)

Wrestlers confront the King of Hyrule!



Hyrule Puro-Resu News Generic

HPW Media has its eyes on the General Manager’s office!

We know that Hyrule Puro-Resu is heading for a Clash of Fates in October, but not everyone is excited about the news! Who takes it up with King Nicolas?


Ghirahim storms up to King Nicolas’ office.

Ghirahim shouts “What is the meaning of this?!” before King Nicolas Foolyere even looks up from his desk. Nicolas tells him to calm down and explain what he means. What does Ghirahim have to explain!? He wants to be in the Hyrule Warriors match! Why isn’t he in the Hyrule Warriors match!? Because there’s still the controversy in the match from Gerudo Canyon. Ghirahim and Igos du Ikana ended up in a double cover, Igos brought in a new title, it’s hard to figure that scenario out.

Then why did HPW take both of them out of the match? Well, it was agreed that wrestlers who were already champions didn’t need to be in a match like the Hyrule Warriors match. The match is about giving everyone else on the HPW roster an opportunity. But if Ghirahim wants to make things easier for everyone, he can give up his claim to a championship and let Igos reign. Nicolas holds out his hand for the Exquisite Championship belt, but Ghirahim grimaces as he looks at it. Ghirahim refuses to let “that half eaten chicken leg” be champion with that unseemly belt! Then he can’t be in the Hyrule Warriors match.

Ghirahim seethes but reluctantly accepts. But he also wants a decision on what to do about the championships! Nicolas assures Ghirahim that management is discussing it as he speaks. Ghirahim leaves, but what will that decision be?


Now the Dark Forces visit King Nicolas.

They enter peacefully, but the tension is palpable. It’s audible in how they greet each other. Cia says she will do her best to stay calm as she asks him questions. First, why did he get involved with the Trios Contenders Tournament? “‘Get involved?’ I prevented your team from violating the rules of how wrestlers are to treat officials.” She shouldn’t have even had to ask that question. Cia concedes that point, and asks her second question. “What the hell was that with Midna?!” So much for staying calm.

What are those Fused Shadow things? What kind of magic was that that turned her into that leggy redhead? Cia knows magic, she’s the Sorceress. She brings out an Ace of Spades playing card from thin air then makes it burst into flames. But she has NO idea what Midna did, but it isn’t fair. For all anyone knows, Midna switched places with someone and that someone wrestled for her to win the Goddess Championship. King Nicolas assures Cia that Midna did not find someone to wrestle for her. There was no one in the backstage area or near the stage that shouldn’t have been. It may have been a surprise, but it was Midna through and through wrestling Cia. How can they be sure about that?!

There’s a knock on the office door. King Nicolas asks, “Who is it?” “It’s Midna.” Cia immediately opens the door, looking down for the short imp, but instead is looking at the stomach of the tall Twili. Midna is pleasantly surprised to see Cia here. “Let me guess: complaining about my transformation?” Midna tells Cia that Midna is Midna and Cia lost fair and square. Midna asks King Nicolas if the belt technician is here to switch the side plates back to hers. They are so Midna can go see them right away. Midna thanks King Nicolas, and then grins that same sinister grin at Cia. Cia can’t deny that as proof this is still the same tiny Midna she cheated on Treasure Island. Will anyone be able to dethrone this new, more powerful Twilight Princess?

My Thoughts:

This article was to obviously tie up some loose ends from yesterday’s “press conference.” Just some good character work for Ghirahim and Cia with moderate story progression. Ghirahim and Igos still have a lot on their end to do and I really am trying to come up with a good decision on the midcard title situation. Cia and the Dark Forces are eligible for the Hyrule Warriors match, since none of them are champions now. It’s a matter of the shuffle how that works out for them, though.

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Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu News Report! (2/22/21)

We hear from the Bracket Finalists!



HPW Triforce Tournament

HPW Media went in search of the six Triforce Tournament Bracket Finalists!

Before they all battle in the Second Triforce Tournament’s various bracket finals, we hear from Ganondorf, Yuga, Hilda, Cia, Ravio and Ghirahim!


First, the Finalists of Power!

Yuga has HPW record him painting, and he also narrates it. “Wrestling is so inspiring, isn’t it? The strength, the grace, the passion! All of it is so wonderful.” Yuga wants to “paint such a masterpiece” on the canvas of the ring, and then all can marvel at his skills. And Yuga is so honored to be doing so against a truly one-of-a-kind talent in Ganondorf! The one male Gerudo of this generation, “and he is a true specimen!” That will make Yuga’s triumph even more of a masterful work of art! And speaking of, the picture Yuga was painting is now complete, and it’s an admittedly well-down painting of himself holding up a golden triangle, clearly meant to be the Triforce of Power.

Ganondorf says he doesn’t care about art, but he still plans on “painting” a picture in the finals. “The black and blue of bruising. The red of blood. All of it on that pale pink face of Yuga’s like clown make-up.” For Ganondorf, paintings don’t wow him, because they don’t move. “Action, motion, collision. Those are what wrestling is about. There you will find art.” And when it comes to wrestling, Ganondorf is a better artist than Yuga will ever be. And the only masterpiece we’ll be seeing at the finals is Ganondorf going back to back as the winner of the Bracket of Power. Will Ganondorf put some pain in Yuga’s paint?


Second, the Finalists of Wisdom!

Cia and the Dark Forces are together and training because even Volga, Gibdo and Wizzro have a match now. Cia leads them in getting fired up for what appears to be an obstacle course. “Who’re we gonna crush!?” “The UnderWorld Order!” “Who’re we gonna kill!?” “The UnderWorld Order!!” “Who’re we gonna kiss?” Only Gibdo shouts “The UnderWorld Order!” because he didn’t hear the trick.

Cia turns to Wizzro and puts her hands on his shoulders. She knows he hasn’t stepped in the ring as a wrestler in a long time, but the Dark Forces needs him! They are going to get revenge on ReDead for betraying them, and then get after the Trios Championships! Wizzro is so fired up, he runs at the obstacle course! He quick steps in the tires but gets tripped up at the end, and he takes his anger out on the tires themselves. Wizzro tosses the one tire and storms off to the next obstacle.

“As for ‘Her Grace’, Hilda,” Cia says, “she’s not that special. Her Royal Highness’ Matched Luggage? Is that some kind of nerdy reference?” Cia’s not going to lose to some sort of “spoiled brat meme lord living off her daddy’s money.” There will be no luggage, no crowning moment, just Cia moving on to the tournament finals.

But Hilda responds by… Not really responding. Hilda reclines on a plush purple chaise lounge in a parlor with a portrait of herself on the wall. Hilda sips champagne from a tall glass and smooths her legs along the purple cotton. She lets out a sigh of satisfaction and smiles sweetly at the camera. “Cia. I’m going to beat you. And I will not apologize for any of it.” Hilda takes another sip, and the cameras fade to black. Will there be no regrets and no remorse when these two throw down in the Wisdom Finals?


Last but not least, the Finalists of Courage!

“Hello~! Ravio here! And do I have a deal for you! Wherever you can get HPW merchandise, you can now find Ravio merchandise! YAAAY~!” A little white bird-like creature waves a Ravio banner while Ravio fires off party poppers, that are also Ravio branded. There’s a little note that these are also available merchandise. Ravio shows off that he has Ravio brand liquid soap (and the bottle looks a lot like what he used on King Bulblin), Ravio brand refrigerator magnets, Ravio staplers, Ravio staple removers, Ravio pens and pencil sets, Ravio brand paintbrushes, Ravio brand watercolor paints, “SO! MUCH! STUFF!”

“And if you order with this special Ravio QR Code within the next 24 hours, you can get your very own, limited edition, RAVIOOO~ HAAAT~!” It’s a baseball cap with rabbit ears and the same eyes as on Ravio’s mask. And be sure to cheer Ravio on in the bracket finals on March 3rd! YAAAY~! Ravio claps “thunderstick” balloons together, and there’s another note that these are also for sale.

The video pauses but it’s revealed Ghirahim is watching this on his laptop. Ghirahim sighs and facepalms, then sets his laptop on the coffee table. He sits back and puts his hands together in a contemplative finger pyramid. “So this is the one… Who is in the finals with me? All because Volga and that brain dead dork couldn’t just settle things in a match.” Actually, Ghirahim says this is the best for him, too. “If Volga or ReDead had actually advanced, they would definitely have pulverized this purple little rodent, and I’d have to waste my time with them.” Ghirahim hopes a lot of fans do buy the merchandise. Ravio’s going to need all that money to pay for his hospital bills. Will Ghirahim crush Ravio’s dreams not with courage, but with cruelty?

My Thoughts:

We’re just 10 days away from the bracket finals event! Also, I hope someone picked up on the hypocrisy in Cia’s promo, i.e. over references made as if that’s a bad thing. I almost had Ravio make a Spaceballs reference of his own but I decided not to. It might’ve been too easy to make that joke about merchandising but hey.

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Bandwagon Nerds

Bandwagon Nerds #67 – 90s Project pt. 3: Dramas

The 90s project continues with the Nerds’ top 10 Dramas. The guys review WandaVision episode seven and discus the Mortal Kombat trailer.



Bandwagon Nerds #67 - 90s Project pt. 3: Dramas

It’s a super-sized edition of the Bandwagon as the Nerds wax poetic about their top 10 dramas of the 1990’s!  Dave, Patrick, Rey and PC just had too many good options for a standard show.  What movies made the cut, and who breaks the “No Honorable Mentions” rule first?  Plus, WandaVision revealed a big bad this week, but was it THE big bad of the show.  The Nerds break it all down!  The trailer for the Mortal Kombat reboot was released this week and the Nerds have thoughts.

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About Bandwagon Nerds

Join Patrick O’Dowd, David Ungar, and a rotating cast of guests as they keep everyone up on all things nerd, and maybe add some new nerds along the way. It’s the Bandwagon Nerds Podcast!

About the Chairshot Radio Network

Created in 2017, the Chairshot Radio Network presents you with the best in wrestling and wrestling crossover podcasts, including POD is WAR, Women’s Wrestling Talk, The #Miranda Show, Badlands’ Wrestling Mount Rushmores, The Outsider’s Edge, DWI Podcast, Bandwagon Nerds, the Greg DeMarco Show, 3 Man Weave, Five Rounds, Turnbuckle Talk, Suwama’s Station, The Reaction and more! You can find these great shows each week at and through our distribution partners, including podcasting’s most popular platforms.

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