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Mitchell’s WWE Raw Results & Report! (11/2/20)

Whose tag division is this, really?

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WWE Raw Coverage 3.0

Raw is only escalating things towards Survivor Series!

Before #TheBestoftheBest battle for brand supremacy, the WWE Women’s Tag Team Champions and Raw Tag Team Champions take on their hopeful challengers in non-title action!

OFFICIAL RESULTS

  • Guitar on a Pole Match: Elias VS Jeff Hardy; Hardy wins.
  • WWE Women’s Tag Team Championships: Nia Jax & Shayna Baszler VS Mandy Rose & Dana Brooke; Jax & Baszler win and retain the titles.
  • R-Truth VS Bobby Lashley w/ MVP; Lashley wins.
  • WWE 24/7 Championship Mighty Bad Decisions: R-Truth VS Drew Gulak VS Bobby Lashley; Gulak wins and becomes the new WWE 24/7 Champion.
  • Survivor Series Team Raw Qualifier Triple Threat: Braun Strowman VS Keith Lee VS Sheamus; Strowman wins and joins Team Raw.
  • Lana VS Nia Jax w/ Shayna Baszler; Jax wins.
  • The New Day VS Shelton Benjamin & Cedric Alexander w/ The Hurt Business; The Hurt Business wins.
  • Ricochet VS Tucker; Ricochet wins.
  • 2v1 Handicap: The Miz & John Morrison VS Drew McIntyre; McIntyre wins.

PLAY BY PLAY

Randy Orton is here!

The Apex Predator is looking more like prey with all the contenders after his title. But the Viper is keeping his head on a swivel as he and his WWE World Championship stand in the ring in front of the ThunderDome screens. “Eight days ago, I became WWE Champion. Eight days ago, I became a 14-time world champion.” Eight days ago, Orton proved he is the best of the best. But no. That doesn’t do him any justice. Orton isn’t just the best of the best, he proved he is THE BEST, period. “I am better than Edge. I am better than The Undertaker. I am better than Shawn Michaels, Ric Flair, John Cena and most certainly I am better than Drew McIntyre.”

Orton proved he is better than everyone in the locker room who have been lying to themselves year after year after year, saying that the only reason Orton is where he is is because he grew up in the business. He is a third generation wrestler, that HHH protected him and “management” chose him. No! Those superstars are mistaken. The reason Orton is where he is is because Orton is… The Best. Eight days ago, Orton showed the world that he isn’t the Legend Killer. “I am now simply… A legend.” And with this championship comes great responsibility and a great big target. He welcomes being a target! He dares anyone in the back to come and try to take the title from him! It doesn’t matter if it’s McIntyre, The Miz, Roman Reigns or The Fiend, Bray Wyatt! Orton will be right here so come and get him!

But it’s Alexa Bliss that walks out instead! She walks down to the ramp and joins Orton in the ring with another mischievous smile on her face. Orton paces around her and asks where “he” is. She has gloves of her own! “Play” and “Pain!” And the one that stays up is… pain. “He. Could. Be. Here!” And the lights turn red! The Fiend has taken over the ThunderDome, but where is he?! Orton demands he show himself but Bray isn’t playing by Orton’s rules. MCINTYRE IS HERE, THOUGH! WITH A CLAYMORE!! Orton is down, and McIntyre grabs the belt. “If you dare me, I dare you to give me my rematch. Until then, I’m going to make your life a living hell!” Orton tried to goad The Fiend into something, but he got the Scottish Psychopath instead!

Wait, wait! The Miz and Morrison are making their move!! Mr. Money in the Bank and his best friend are here, shouting for a referee! The ref is here, the contract is handed off, but McIntyre is attacking first! He throws Miz out, then scoops Morrison to TOSS him onto Miz! No cash-in tonight! McIntyre says Miz won’t be the one to take the title from Orton, McIntyre is! And if they try again, he’ll knock them on their asses! Orton was both attacked and saved by McIntyre, will he give McIntyre that rematch?

 

Backstage interview with The Miz and John Morrison.

But they are in no mood! Firstly, the bell did NOT ring, so Miz is still Mr. MITB. FACT! Secondly, McIntyre had NO business sticking “his ugly nose” into their business! FACT! Does McIntyre know who he is? He’s The Miz! FACT! He’s Mr. MITB! FACT! And he was THAT close to being WWE World Champion again! FACT!! Miz says McIntyre is a selfish child who won’t let anyone else get their way if he can’t get his! He couldn’t let Miz have his moment! Just because McIntyre’s 19 year dream is over doesn’t mean he can ruin everyone else’s dream! FACT! McIntyre lost, he has to get over it! FACT!! It’s time for someone else to step in and be the star of Raw. FACT!!

Morrison says McIntyre has no idea what he just did, ruining a “twice in a lifetime” opportunity. He just pissed off the two guys in this company that you don’t want to anger. They challenge McIntyre to a handicap match for tonight! If he has the stones to accept it.

 

Guitar on a Pole Match: Elias VS Jeff Hardy!

“Ladies and gentlemen: Elias.” The Drifter is already in the ring with one guitar while another is on the pole. He introduces himself and says there comes a time in every man’s life when he must admit the truth to himself. Elias says Hardy did that in trying to run him over. In an instant, Hardy realized Elias had surpassed him. That is proven by how Elias’ album, Universal Truth, went to #1 on the charts in a night. Someone asked him about this match stipulation, and Elias’ initial reaction was, “Are you crazy?” You’re going to take one of his guitars and put it on a pole?! Elias is making hit after hit, he’s number one in the world!

But then he had a moment of clarity. Elias could do something special and make beautiful art in a different way. Elias will climb the pole, retrieve one of his beautiful Fenders, and then SMASH it on Hardy’s back. That could be his greatest hit ever! But his greatest hit now is Amen, off the new album, available to the world right now. Here is an acoustic cover of that right now. But Hardy interrupts just as the first verse gets started! Will Hardy be the one rocking and rolling as he smashes Elias to pieces?

The bell rings and they both go for the pole! Elias keeps Hardy from it but Hardy does the same. They brawl, Elias headlocks but Hardy powers out. Elias runs Hardy over, keeps moving but Hardy comes back to hip toss, only for Elias to counter! Elias scoops and tosses Hardy into ropes! Hardy goes out, Elias goes up, but Hardy drags him out! Hardy bumps Elias off barriers and steel steps, then goes around the way to build speed. Hardy LEAPS off the steps and Elias is sent into barriers! Elias scrambles away and Hardy goes up to the corner. Hardy climbs, but Elias throws his stool at Hardy! Direct hit and Hardy goes down as Raw goes to break!

Raw returns as Elias stomps a mudhole into Hardy! Elias whips and runs Hardy over with an elbow! Hardy is in a daze but Elias drags him up. Elias suplexes but Hardy slips out to run for the pole! Elias clubs him first, brings him around but Hardy spinning back kicks Elias away! Hardy is right at the corner again, but he’s slow to getting up. Elias clubs Hardy, brings him around to throw forearms, then CHOPS him! Hardy staggers, Elias CHOPS him again! Elias chokes Hardy on the ropes, and clubs him down! Elias whips, Hardy ducks and kicks back, but no Twist yet! Hardy runs but into Elias’ KNEE! Both men are down, fans clap and rally up. Elias crawls and fans give thumbs down. Elias is climbing, Hardy is right behind him and trips him up! Elias hits buckles and is down again!

Fans rally, Elias and Hardy stand and brawl with haymakers! Hardy counter punches and Elias is punch drunk! Hardy fires off and whips, Elias reverses but Hardy runs him over! Hardy atomic drops, trips Elias up and hits the leg splitter leg drop! Basement dropkick and elbow drop, too! Fans clap as Hardy heads up to the pole! Elias CLUBS Hardy, has the Electric Chair and spin, but Hardy huricanranas! Kick and TWIST OF FATE! Hardy throws his shirt off, goes up to the top rope and grabs the guitar! But Elias is there to grab at him! Hardy kicks Elias away, and he gets the guitar! FLYING GUITAR SMASH!! Cover, Hardy wins!!

Winner: Jeff Hardy, by pinfall

Now that was a smash hit! And then Hardy finishes the guitar off by SMASHING it against the pole! Will Hardy finally move past Elias’ grudge to get himself back on track towards gold?

 

WWE Women’s Tag Team Championships: Nia Jax & Shayna Baszler VS Mandy Rose & Dana Brooke!

Naturally, the champions of the Women’s Tag Division should be seen as the leaders of that division. Therefore, the leaders of Team Raw should be the champions. But will the Irresistible Force and Queen of Spades still be the champions and leaders in this match against, as Asuka put it, The Sexy Muscle Friends?

The introductions are made, the belts are raised, and this battle for supremacy begins!

But wait, the fifth member of Team Raw appears! Lana wants to watch her team face off. Nia and Dana start and Nia shoves Dan adown. Nia scoops but Dana gets around to sleeper hold! Nia rams Dana into buckles until she’s free, then she brings Dana up, only for Dana to hit a jawbreaker! Dana tags Mandy, Mandy dropkicks and whips but Nia reverses! Mandy tilt-o-whirls to an OCOTPUS! Nia stays standing, powers out but Mandy fires off forearms! Dana tags in, Nia scoops Mandy and lifts her up, but Dana chop blocks Nia! Mandy hits KNEE FROM A ROSE! Dana hits a HANDSPRING SPLASH! Cover, Shayna breaks it! Tag to Shayna and she goes after Dana.

Dana kicks a leg out, tags Mandy in, and the Sexy Muscle Friends double suplex! Mandy covers, TWO! Mandy keeps close with a rear bearhug but Shayna switches to an armlock suplex! Shayna tells Lana to just shut up and stay away. Lana doesn’t appreciate that, and Mandy hits Shayna with a forearm! Dana tags in, dodges and rallies with clotheslines! Dana rocks Shayna with an enziguri! Shayna goes to a corner, Dana fires off with fast hands! The ref counts, Shayna shoves but Dana whips. Dana handsprings in for the back elbow, then a BULLDOG! Cover, Mandy intercepts Nia but TWO!! Shayna survives and Nia CLOBBERS Mandy in return! Shayna drags Dana in but Dana drops down to victory roll! TWO!

Shayna gets up, Dana knees her low! Dana whips Shayna but Shayna slides out. Lana is hiding for some reason so Shayna goes after her! But Dana baseball slides Shayna down! Lana seems to be helping Dana out! Dana hits another handspring, but into a KIRAFUDA KLUTCH! Lana distracts everyone so Shayna drags her in! Dana O’Conner rolls but now the ref is distracted! TWO and Dana bumps into Lana! KIRAFUDA KLUTCH!! Dana taps, the champs win!!

Winners: Nia Jax & Shayna Baszler, by submission (still WWE Women’s Tag Team Champions)

The Ravishing Russian tried but failed to be the deciding factor against the dominant duo, and now Team Raw’s chemistry may be worse than before!

 

Backstage interview with Randy Orton.

He clearly has a target on his back, does he think it’ll be hard to hold onto the title? Orton finds it amusing that so many people forget how easy it is for the hunter to become the hunted. Orton thinks McIntyre needs a reminder of that, and that will come sooner than later, in the form of an R… K… O. But Ramblin’ Rabbit is watching! Is Orton forgetting a certain someone in this title hunt?

 

R-Truth is here!

The FORTY-TWO TIME 24/7 Champion goes to the ring and is about to face Bobby Lashley in non-title competition. But why would he accept a match against the All Mighty? Uh, no, you’re mistaken. Truth isn’t facing Bobby Lashley, the one who wants to put people in the Nelson from the Simpsons. Truth is here to meet the Water Boy, Bobby Bouche. Um… No, this is Truth VS Lashley. Good luck. But who’s gonna sign his favorite water bottle?

R-Truth VS Bobby Lashley w/ MVP!

Uh oh. Will the Rocky Mountain Machine simply bulldoze his way through Truth as he heads for his match against the Intercontinental Champion, Sami Zayn?

The bell rings, Truth says they’re both champions, but this is a non-title match so this match shouldn’t even happen. Truth lies down for Lashley! Unless this is about that Instagram post. Lashley grabs Truth but Truth kicks him away! And throws forearms! Lashley shoves, Truth kicks low and runs, but misses the scissor kick! Lashley SPEARS! And then the HURT LOCK!! Truth is OUT, Lashley wins!

Winner: Bobby Lashley, by submission

The United States Champion isn’t done with the 24/7 Champion as he puts the Hurt Lock BACK ON! Truth is already a rag doll but Lashley thrashes him about more! Lashley throws Truth down and surely Sami Zayn is watching. Will “The Champion of the People” be more careful with what he says and does against The All Mighty?

Wait, Drew Gulak runs in, he wants that 24/7 Championship! But Lashley drags Gulak off the cover to gut wrench and DOMINATOR! And then the HURT LOCK! The GuLock ain’t got nothing on the Hurt Lock! Gulak is OUT, and Lashley then puts Gulak on top of Truth? Gulak still wins?!

Winner: Drew Gulak, by pinfall (NEW WWE 24/7 Champion)

Lashley just made an example of the entire 24/7 Championship Division! But he isn’t satisfied?! Gulak is still out cold on top of Truth, Lashley stands over them both. He leaves it at this, surprisingly. Will Sami wish he’d let someone else be Intercontinental Champion after all?

 

Lucha House Party meets up backstage.

Lince Dorado tells Gran Metalik that Gulak won the 24/7 title and they can still go get him. But they almost run into Jordan Omogbehin. AJ Styles asks if there’s a problem. No, not at all. They were going to go the other way anyhow. Styles and the “big man” are headed for gorilla, and we’ll find out why, after the break.

 

Backstage interview with Nia Jax.

Tonight, Lana- Do NOT say that name in her presence. Don’t even think about Lana in her presence. Lana somehow gets on Nia’s team and then thinks it’s okay to put Nia’s title in jeopardy? All because she’s a little “butt hurt” over being smashed through the table? Well, she did that to Lana six- Didn’t she just say NOT to say her name?! Lana thinks she’s a fighter, that she picks herself up again. Let’s see if Lana can do that again. Because by the end of tonight, Lana will either not be on the team, or not be on the show. In fact, Nia might just end Lana’s career! What will happen when the Irresistible Force gets her hands on the Ravishing Russian?

 

AJ Styles heads to the ring!

The Phenomenal One is already Team Raw for Survivor Series, with Keith Lee and Sheamus following, but Styles and Jordan are here so Styles can speak. Jordan keeps watch on the outside while Styles says, “This past Friday night, we learned that SmackDown isn’t playing around at Survivor Series.” Jey Uso and Kevin Owens are on the team, and the other three will surely be just as talented. But not to worry, Raw already has the advantage. One advantage is, in Styles’ opinion, what SmackDown lacks someone with the intangibles of a leader. “Someone who has that it factor. Someone who can take a team, mold them together, and dominate! Someone like… me!” Yes, Captain Styles is reporting for duty! But is there really any other option? He has intangibles for days! His intangibles have intangibles! Why would you not a captain of #TheBestoftheBest who is THE very best?

So with his first order as team captain, Styles wants to get a rally cry going to introduce HIS team! Starting with: The Celtic Warrior, SHEAMUS! Sheamus does head out to join Styles in the ring, and then is the powerhouse, KEITH LEE! The Limitless One does join Styles and Sheamus but he’s a bit perplexed as to why they need to do this. But Styles wants them to listen and understand the reason he’s brought them out here. “Because you’re the best of the best.” And their success is Styles’ success. It doesn’t matter who they’ll face from SmackDown. Whether it’s Jey Uso, Kevin Owens, Rey Mysterio, Dominik, who cares? It could even be Angie Mysterio!

Keith wants Styles to hold on. Styles insist he be addressed as captain. Keith doesn’t believe anyone agreed to that. And he reminds Styles that if he thinks his “sizeable friend” is enough to intimidate them, think twice. Styles says this is inexperience talking. The veterans should show Keith the way. Sheamus actually agrees with Keith here. Before Styles stepped up from the “minor leagues,” Sheamus was running rampant in the WWE for years. And Styles may have “Lurch” here, and he’s feeling all brave, but the truth is, Sheamus will NEVER take orders from Styles. That’s CAPTAIN Styles! No it’s not! This is so disrespectful! Don’t they realize what’s at stake?! If they beat Team SmackDown, imagine what it will do for his legacy!

But BRAUN storms out!? The Monster sees everyone in the ring and says he’ll settle this for them. The only thing this team needs is Strowman. It doesn’t matter from SmackDown, Raw has the monster on its team. No, they all had to qualify, so Mr. Monster will have to do the same. Strowman lists his qualifications: He eliminated the single most talent in a Survivor Series match, he was on a winning team about 12 times! And maybe Keith forgot, but Strowman beat him clean. So clearly, his qualifications should have him be THE CAPTAIN! Now Styles gets upset! Everyone is arguing but Adam Pearce comes out. As much as Pearce would love to put Strowman on Team Raw, he hasn’t found a good enough qualification match for him. Mostly because no one is willing to face him.

Keith wants everyone to “hold the hell on.” Keith wanted to let things pass, but who do you think you’re lying to, Braun? CLEAN!? Keith doesn’t know about Styles or Sheamus, but if Strowman gets in the ring with him- Sheamus wants Keith to hold on now. Keith’s been here what? Five minutes? And Keith is acting like he’s calling the shots? The truth is, fella, there’s an order of things, and Sheamus is a senior member. Step behind him, and let the man who has made a career of slaying giants like Braun handle this. If anyone’s kicking Braun’s teeth down his throat, it’s him. Styles has an idea for everyone here! Pearce, check this. Braun needs a match, right? Then how about a TRIPLE THREAT match? Braun VS Keith VS Sheamus! If Braun wins, he joins the team!

Pearce likes that idea! Any objections? Sheamus loves a good fight so he’s in! Braun isn’t getting paid to talk, he’s in. And Keith doesn’t say anything, so it’s official! That match is happening after the break!

 

Survivor Series Team Raw Qualifier Triple Threat: Braun Strowman VS Keith Lee VS Sheamus!

Raw returns and Styles has joined commentary to watch this. The bell rings, Sheamus and Keith shove each other to step to Strowman, but Keith won’t let the Fella get ahead. They brawl, Braun watches as Keith headbutts Sheamus! Then Braun clotheslines Sheamus out! Braun goes after Keith and whips. Braun SCOOPS Keith but Keith slips out to dodge and POUNCE Braun out of the ring! Sheamus is back, he clubs and knees Keith then throws forearms! Sheamus whips, Keith reverses and he runs Sheamus over! Keith seethes and drags Sheamus up. Keith whips Sheamus but Sheamus kicks back! Sheamus runs but Braun drags him out! Those two brawl, Keith FLIES?! Not the best, either, but it still wipes the other two out!

Styles is SHOCKED as Keith survives his own rough landing! Keith is walking it off as he stalks and stomps Braun. Sheamus clubs and clobbers Keith then brings him tot he apron. Keith blocks the bump, but Sheamus digs him in all the same! Sheamus uses a sleeper hold and fish hooks but Keith still hits back. They brawl around the way towards the desk, only for the STROWMAN EXPRESS to derail them! Braun clears off the desk and Jordan shields Styles. Braun watches his two opponents and brings Sheamus up first. Then Keith, but they both hit back! Sheamus and Keith work together to whip Braun into steel steps! The steps go flying! Braun is down, Keith and Sheamus still work together to bring part of the steps over, and RAM Braun across the desk!

Sheamus throws the steps aside, to then POST Keith! Sheamus puts Keith in the ring, stalks him to an apron, and brings him up for Beats of the Bodhrain! Sheamus gives Keith all 10, and lets Keith flop down. Sheamus drags Keith back up but Keith grabs the arm! Keith is furious as he drags Sheamus out and TOSSES him into barriers! Keith stalks Sheamus, CLUBS him down, then brings him around the way. Keith scoops Sheamus but Sheamus fights and gets the sleeper! Keith fades, Braun returns to RAM them both through the barriers!! Once again, the Monster and the Limitless One are wrecking the ThunderDome! All three men are down as Raw goes to break!

Raw returns and Sheamus has Keith down with an armlock and chinbar. Keith endures, fans clap and rally and Styles hopes they down break the arm. Sheamus digs his knee into Keith’s head but Keith still fights his way up. Keith gets to his feet, throws big body shots, but Sheamus cranks on the chinbar. Keith still throws hands, and then GRIZZLY MAGNUM CHOPS! Sheamus goes to a corner, Braun DERAILS Keith and runs Sheamus over! And then corner splashes! And TOSSES! Sheamus gets up to get another corner splash! And another TOSS! Braun keeps moving but he hits only buckles this time! Sheamus manages to give Braun WHITE NOISE! Cover, TWO!! Braun survives and Styles can’t believe it!

Sheamus catches his breath while he gets to his feet. Sheamus kicks Keith at the apron to keep him down, then climbs up top. Braun stirs, Sheamus aims, but Keith intercepts with a choke grip! Keith brings Sheamus around but Sheamus fights him down! Keith just grabs with the other hand, only for Sheamus to rake eyes! Sheamus punches Keith down but Braun ROCKS Sheamus with an uppercut! Braun climbs up, fights with Sheamus, but Keith joins in! TOWER OF DOOM!! The Electric Chair Superplex was supersized and yet the ring stays up! All three men are down and Styles tells Byron Saxton to shut up about needing new teammates. Braun gets up, but Keith blocks the low blow! And throws haymakers all around! Keith kicks low, runs and CROSSBODIES! Cover, TWO!!

Styles is loving this now as Keith slowly gets up. Keith drags Braun up, reels him in and scoops, but Braun slips off! Sheamus dumps Braun out then hotshots Keith away! Sheamus slingshots for a BATTERING RAM! Keith stays on one knee but Sheamus runs, into a BELLY2BELLY!? Keith is impressing Styles, but Sheamus headbutts and KNEES Keith back! Cover, TWO!! “Sheamus is no slacker, by the way.” Styles wants people to understand Sheamus is great and is great for Team Raw. Keith gets up but Sheamus calls for the finish! But Braun drags Sheamus out with force! And then runs into Keith’s BOOTS! Keith roars and LARIATS Braun!! Cover, TWO!! Keith drags Braun up, Sheamus BROGUES Keith! But Braun scoops Sheamus for the MONSTER SLAM!! Cover, Braun wins!!

Winner: Braun Strowman, by pinfall (joins Team Raw)

Styles is excited! Even though this took a lot out of all three men, they’re three BIG men, and Styles is confident they’ll all be able to destroy SmackDown! Styles gets in the ring to celebrate and says this is going to be a great team. But he wants them to shake hands as a team, and none of them are for that. Braun doesn’t like Keith, Keith doesn’t Braun, but they’ll put their differences aside for Survivor Series. They shake hands! Styles says this is all thanks to him, the captain! Sheamus, c’mon now. You’re teammates, too. Sheamus is upset that Braun sniped the win from him. That’s what you have to do for the team! Anything to win! Styles wants them to shake hands, Braun says to shake his hand like a man.

Sheamus slaps the hand away, to HUG him! That’s even better for Styles! But then Sheamus BROGUES Braun!? And Keith POUNCES Sheamus! So Styles dropkicks Keith! “Why can’t you just get alone?! Why?! We’re the perfect team!! What’s wrong with you!?” Captain Styles might already be on a sinking ship. Is there any way to salvage this before Survivor Series?

 

Angel Garza speaks.

“To that special someone out there in the WWE Universe, we might seem far apart. But I promise, what you feel every time you see me is real.” Your heart beating, your cheeks flushing, your butterflies in your stomach? Do not be embarrassed, because Garza feels the same way every time he thinks of you. While they cannot share each other’s company, they can share the same feelings. He knows you’re out there, with those brilliant eyes and an irresistible smile. His rose is for you.

 

Backstage interview with Drew McIntyre.

Charly Caruso addresses McIntyre telling Miz he’s the one to win the title. But there are others that could get in his way. Well what was it she asked Orton earlier? Is he worried about all the superstars gunning for him and the title? McIntyre says his shot is going to be just fine. Orton has a “6′ 5″, dangerous, attractive guardian angle,” in McIntyre. The actions were pretty clear: the only one taking the title from Orton will be McIntyre. McIntyre will force Orton’s hand with a smile on his face week after week. The Fiend can just back off. If McIntyre gets his way, Survivor Series will be Roman Reigns VS McIntyre! What a match!

But before that, what about The Miz and Morrison tonight? Oh right, forgot about them. How fun is it to beat those two up? It makes McIntyre happy and makes the fans happy. That’s what McIntyre is about. Tonight’s menu is a 2 for 1 special, Claymores for all! Will Miz and Morrison take that deal whether they like it or not?

 

Raw presents a new Firefly Fun House!

Bray Wyatt and Alexa Bliss are together already and welcome us back! Tonight’s very special because it is dedicated to the three most important letters in sports entertainment today! P I G? Hehehe, no silly Huskis! It’s R, K, O! YAY~! After what he did, Abby the Witch says Orton can go bleep himself. Whoa, Abby! There’s no foul language allowed here. That’s 10 cents in the swear, miss! Um, excuse me? Alexa, go bleep yourself, too. Gasp! Yowie wowie, Abby! That’s 25 cents now. But she does have a point. Once upon a time, Orton was a very, very bad boy. But the past is the past! And with those ashes, Bray was able to create a new world where the fun never… But wait, the memories of Orton burning down Sister Abigail’s home… “Unfortunately, it can’t be that simple. He never forgets.”

Alexa says that before they go, she wants to show us all a nifty little trick. She asks Bray for his help. He uses the heal glove and… Alexa’s eyes change again! And she spits out… blood? “Oh sh**!” Well, while the censors figure this one out, will Alexa become even more twisted as the plot thickens?

 

Lacey Evans and Peyton Royce have a message?

“Welcome back to Monday Night Raw!” They knew Lana would be a problem for Team Raw, but there’s no way Lana’s making it out of her match with Nia in one piece. There’s no way the announce desk will make it out of there in one piece! They high-five, suddenly more buddy buddy than before. Will they be right about that one?

 

Lana VS Nia Jax w/ Shayna Baszler!

The dysfunction of Team Raw grows stronger as the Ravishing Russian will face the consequences of her actions. And Shayna is already clearing off the announce desk! Is it going to be not so lucky number seven tonight?

The bell rings, Nia grabs Lana and RAMS her into the corner! And then runs, but Lana gets out! Lana kicks and throws hands but Nia throws her! Nia says Lana is a “pathetic piece of crap” and she pushes her around. Lana tries to hit back but Nia just throws her again! Nia talks more trash and tells Lana to just give up. Then she hits a corner splash! Nia slaps Lana around and pie faces her. Lana throws hands but Nia whips her away. Nia runs in but Lana dodges and Nia only gets buckles! Nia pushes Lana again, brings her up but Lana throws forearms! Nia shoves, Lana kicks and ROUNDHOUSES! She gets Nia with that one then ROUNBDHOUSES again! But Nia is still up and she CLOBBERS Lana!

Nia covers, but lets off on purpose! Nia drags Lana around to toy with her, and tells her to give up. Lana keeps hitting back so Nia headbutts her down! Shayna tells Lana to quit or she’s going to get beat up more. Nia thrashes Lana around by her hair then headbutts her again! “This is what you wanted!” Cover, but Nia lets up again! “This is what you wanted!” Nia drags Lana up, scoops and SLAMS her down! Lana flounders but Nia kicks her around. Lana refuses to quit, gets to a corner, and Nia “respects” that. But she’s done now! SAMOAN DROP! Cover, Nia wins!

Winner: Nia Jax, by pinfall

Lana paid for what she tried to do, but this was also a message to both Team SmackDown, and to Team Raw. As is Shayna and Nia dragging Lana out of the ring! They bring her to the table, Lana keeps trying to fight, but Nia throws her into barriers! “You’re pathetic, Lana! You don’t deserve to be in the ring with us!” Nia scoops Lana for NUMBER SEVEN! Another Samoan Drop through the announce desk!! Has Nia finally broken Lana’s spirit?

 

R-Truth is hurting backstage.

He doesn’t have his water bottle, his baby, and his neck hurts. But the Hurt Business finds him. Oh he went the wrong way. MVP signed the bottle, though. The Hurt Business laughs at Truth’s pain, and have a visit to the VIP Lounge planned, for after the break.

 

Raw presents the VIP Lounge!

The Hurt Business heads to the ring, and MVP gives us another “official announcement.” It is fitting that they’re here in the VIP Lounge, because you must be the best of the best to enter. And that is what Survivor Series is about: beating the best. Speaking of, we already saw the CEO, the United States Champion, Bobby Lashley, “absolutely decimate” R-Truth. Cedric Alexander says if Sami is still champion by Survivor Series, he’ll find first hand that Lashley IS the best of the best. In fact, Lashley has a message for Sami after Sami ran his mouth. Sami thinks he’s better because he represents many over one. But that’s funny, because Sami always has so much to say but Lashley only has one: No more games, no more talking, no more playing. Lashley VS Sami, Lashley puts Sami to sleep.

So that brings us to tonight! The Hurt Business have lived up to the business arrangement they made with the WWE. They took care of Retribution, now it is time for payment. And they’ve decided they will collect payment in the form of the Raw Tag Team Championships. Shelton Benjamin promises he and Alexander will bring the hurt to the New Day, and show why THEY are the best of the best. Lashley says New Day had their time. But speaking of, here comes the New Day! Xavier Woods says to “Bob” that if he wants to talk time, it’s been his time for quite awhile and to be honest, big fans. They’re big fans of their current US Champion. So much so, that Woods got in trouble staying up to watch Lashley’s matches.

Wait, why? How? Because at the time, the next day was the big test to jump from sixth grade to seven, and Woods should’ve studied instead. Oh right, because it was so long ago and Woods would’ve been a kid! Lashley looks great for that much time. He has looked great for a long time! Same for MVP! One of the best on the mic! And Benjamin, one of the greatest pure athletes ever! Those three have been doing it well and for a long time. And then Cedric! Um… Well, he’ll be here for awhile with a great career. But you know who has been doing this well for a long time? Who who who? Ya bois the NEW~ DAY~! Look at them! They stand before the world as the most decorated W, W, E, World, Tag, Team, CHAMPIONS~ of all time!

And not to brag or anything, but Kofi Kingston has won more titles total than all four of them! Tag titles! Plural. US titles! Plural. Intercontinental titles! Plural. And of course, the one title that even the ALL MIGHTY LASHLEY couldn’t get, the W, W, E, World, Heavy, Weight, CHAMPIONSHIP~! SINGULAR. Yes, that historic championship win was great. But how did that work out? Didn’t he lose to Lesnar in eight seconds flat? And MVP is willing to bet that Lashley could’ve done it even faster. Wow, when they called themselves the Hurt Business, Kofi just thought it was physical. Didn’t know they could do it emotionally. But it’s funny MVP wants to use that number, eight seconds. Because… According to Lana… That’s about all the time that Lashley can last. OOOH~! GOTTEE!

See, this is the problem with the New Day. They’re about jokes. But MVP and his associates are about business. That’s why they dress like businessmen, and the New Day dress like clowns. There are fundamental differences here. The New Day want to put smiles on faces, while the Hurt Business want to put pained grimaces. The New Day talk about footwork and dancing, but the Hurt Business are stomping teeth out with combat. So MVP assures the New Day that they do NOT want to “dance” with the Hurt Business. No, MVP stands corrected. He knows for a fact that Alexander and Benjamin will two-step on your faces while they TAKE your titles. Whoa, what? Y’all think you can defeat the TEN TIME- Wait is it ten? The trade was confusing. Let’s say it’s 10! They beat the Dudley Boys!

MVP says the Hurt Business doesn’t think, they KNOW they can win. Well none of that matters, because the New Day know they are a global conglomerate of their own. They are able to be publicly traded! The only thing the Hurt Business parallels to is “yet another failing 2020 internet start-up.” OOF, a business that is going to start in 2020?! Rough. The only profits to worry about are the Street Profits, at Survivor Series! And do they know why? BECAAAAUSE~! NEW! DAY ROCKS! Kofi and Woods are ready to cross the velvet ropes and take on the Hurt Business, after the break!

 

The New Day VS Shelton Benjamin & Cedric Alexander w/ The Hurt Business!

Raw returns, the teams sort out and it is Woods starting against Alexander. They tie up, Woods headlocks, but Alexander powers out. Woods ducks, dodges and tilt-o-whirls to headscissor! Alexander is in a daze, Woods brings him up to suplex and hold Alexander up! Kofi counts to 10 as Woods shouts out “Bob” for the slam! Cover, ONE! Woods keeps close, brings him up and tags Kofi in. The New Day double wrench, chop and kick to then run and double BULLDOG! Cover, TWO! Alexander scrambles away, tag to Benjamin! Benjamin and Kofi circle and tie up. Kofi waistlocks, Benjamin elbows free then whips, to run Kofi over!

Benjamin drags Kofi up, puts him in a corner to whip corner to corner hard! Kofi hits the mat, Benjamin drags Kofi up, but Kofi throws hands! Kofi rocks Benjamin, runs, but Benjamin BOOTS him down! Cover, ONE! Benjamin grows annoyed and drags Kofi up. Tag to Alexander, the Hurt Business mug Kofi and Alexander clubs Kofi. Alexander whips Kofi into buckles, runs in and hits the flip, but Kofi lands on his feet! Kofi twerks on Alexander then gives HIM the flip! Alexander tries but cannot land on his feet and hits his face! Kofi drags Alexander up, wrenches, but Alexander hits back! Alexander drags Kofi up to bump him off buckles and throws haymakers! The ref counts, Alexander fires off before letting off, then he stomps Kofi down!

Alexander CHOPS Kofi against ropes, whips him but Kofi gets around to roll up! TWO and Kofi dropkicks Alexander down! Hot tags to Benjamin and Woods, Woods dodges Benjamin to dropkick Alexander! Woods keeps moving, redirects and LEG LARIATS Benjamin! Woods throws hands, whips Benjamin out of the ring then forearms! Alexander goes after Woods, Woods throws him into ropes! Woods runs to slide off Alexander and dropkick Benjamin! Woods puts Benjamin back in, climbs up top, but Benjamin uses Alexander to hit the ropes and trip Woods up! Woods is stuck, Benjamin KNEES Woods off! Benjamin and Alexander both go out to fetch Woods. Benjamin whips Woods hard into barriers!

Benjamin goes back to the ring, the ring count is already at 7! Woods gets up but Benjamin goes out to fetch him again. Benjamin puts Woods in, covers, TWO! Woods is still in this but Benjamin tags Alexander. The Hurt Business throw hands on Woods, Woods hits back! Woods CHOPS Alexander, CHOPS again, but Alexander clinches. Alexander whips Woods from Kofi but Woods slide sunder, only for Alexander to SUPERKICK Woods down! MVP is proud of Alexander as Raw goes to break.

Raw returns and Benjamin grinds Woods down with a chinlock. Woods fights up and jawbreakers free! But Benjamin goes after him again, only for Woods to enziguri! Woods and Benjamin crawl, hot tags to Kofi and Alexander! Kofi springboards to ax handle and rally, dropkick and a leaping ax handle! Kofi stomps Benjamin off the apron then goes after Alexander. NEW~ DAY~ BALLIN Boom Drop! MVP appreciates that homage but Kofi is clapping. Kofi spins, Alexander ducks to mule kick! Alexander whips, Kofi boots back, then Kofi runs but Alexander whips him back! Kofi goes up and up and huricanranas! Kofi DOUBLE STOMPS Alexander down! Cover, TWO!! Alexander survives but Kofi keeps his cool.

Kofi brings Alexander up, but no SOS as Alexander SCOOP MICHINOKU! Cover, TWO!! Alexander pushes Kofi to the corner, tags Benjamin and Benjamin drags Kofi up. They coordinate, but Kofi fights out and avoid the Neuralizer! Kofi throws Alexander out, Benjamin O’Conner rolls but Woods tags in! Kofi pushes Benjamin into Woods’ enziguri! Woods steps in, “GET OVER HERE” TORNADO DDT! Cover, TWO! Woods stomps away on Benjamin but Benjamin blocks and reels Woods in for a SPINE BUSTER! Cover, TWO! Benjamin grows frustrated, drags Woods to the top rope, and throws haymakers. Woods kicks back and leaps, FLYING DDT!! Cover, but Alexander breaks it!

Kofi gets in to dropkick Alexander out! Kofi builds speed but Benjamin FLAPJACKS him first! Kofi goes down and out, Woods rolls Benjamin! TWO, Benjamin ducks a kick to roll Woods, TWO! Woods mule kicks hard, but runs into another flapjack! Alexander tags in, handsprings, NEURALIZER! PAYDIRT!! Cover, the Hurt Business wins!!

Winners: Shelton Benjamin & Cedric Alexander, by pinfall

MVP celebrates with his guys for getting a pin off the Raw Tag Team Champions! Will they collect on their payment before the New Day face the Profits?

 

Nikki Cross finds Alexa Bliss.

Nikki’s been calling and yet nothing. Can Alexa tell Nikki what’s going on? Or is it the Fiend? We’ve all seen them together. He’s why Alexa is shutting Nikki out, right? Nikki knows Alexa better than anyone, but the one that’s been her friend for over a year wouldn’t let someone think for her! She’s stronger than him! Nikki knows this. So please, just look at Nikki! Nikki turns Alexa around, but those eyes! Those eyes are so scary! Is the Alexa Bliss that Nikki knew gone forever?

 

Ricochet VS Tucker!

The One and Only is back, truly striking out on his own against another man shockingly solo after the 2020 WW Draft. Will Tucker Knight shed his past of Heavy Machinery to forge a new persona?

Wait, wait, wait. Mustafa Ali walks out to the ring! Is he looking at Ricochet? They used to be friends, too, but Ali is going around the ring towards commentary. The bell rings so Ricochet focuses on Tucker. They circle, Ricochet dodges Tucker to throw hands! Tucker shoves but Ricochet boots! Ricochet forearms but Tucker runs him over! Ali stands on commentary as Tucker traps Ricochet’s arms to TOSS him! Ricochet is right up to SUPERKICK back! And ROUNDHOUSE! Ricochet runs to RECOIL! Cover, Ricochet wins!

Winner: Ricochet, by pinfall

Well Tucker’s down, but here comes Retribution! Slapjack, Mace, T-Bar and Reckoning surround the ring! T-Bar THROWS Ricochet out with one hand! Tucker scrambles but gets mugged by all of them! They whip and DOUBLE BOOT Tucker down! Slapjack drags Ricochet back into the ring for Ali and they circle him. Ricochet throws hands and SUPERKICKS, but he’s outnumbered! They mug him in the corner, then put him before Ali. Ricochet asks why, but Ali says, “No sin is forgiven until it is punished.” T-Bar and Mace give Ricochet the DOUBLE CHOKE SLAM!! Ali stands over Ricochet, raises his hand, and the lights go out. What “sin” is Ali talking about in regards to his former friend?

 

Drew McIntyre finds Sheamus backstage.

Well how is he doing? It’s great for them to meet again after all this time. Sheamus admits he’s having a blast. McIntyre notes he’s having his match with Miz and Morrison, but they can wait. Sheamus has a favor to ask with the Survivor Series team thing. It’s getting wild. But what if McIntyre join as the fifth man and take them all the way? Think about that? Them teaming up again after all this time! The Celtic Connection! What does he think? Nothing would make him happier than to fight side by side with Sheamus. But not right now. He’s focused on Orton and the title. McIntyre will only be happy going to Survivor Series as world champion. Hopefully Sheamus understands. Yeah, he does. But if McIntyre changes his mind, let him know. Oh and make sure to kick Miz back to Hollywood and shove the contract down Morrison’s gob. The two bump forearms and the Scottish Psychopath heads out!

 

2v1 Handicap: The Miz & John Morrison VS Drew McIntyre!

The Hollywood A-Lister and Guru of Greatness want to clear the way to that guaranteed title shot on Randy Orton! But that means taking on the man who wants Orton all to himself! Will McIntyre be able to be better than the Greatest Tag Team of the 21st Century? *stare off into the distance*

Raw returns as McIntyre makes his entrance. Morrison starts for his team and kicks at McIntyre. McIntyre resists the takedown to put Morrison in a corner. Morrison avoids the chop, then Miz distracts! Morrison hotshots McIntyre then CLOBBERS him from behind! Wait, McIntyre stays up… And he JABS Morrison off his feet! McIntyre drags Morrison up, bumps him off buckles then CHOPS him! Morrison is stinging already but he throws body shots back. McIntyre shoves him away but Morrison kicks back! Miz tags in, McIntyre clobbers Morrison but Miz fires off! The ref counts, Miz lets off but McIntyre gabs him with both hands! McIntyre puts Miz in a corner and CHOPS him! And then ROCKS him with right after right!

McIntyre stomps Miz, brings him up and suplex TOSSES him across the ring! Morrison thinks about tagging in but McIntyre steps closer. Morrison backs away and McIntyre brings Miz up. Now Morrison tags in as McIntyre TOSSES Miz! But McIntyre hip TOSSES Morrison down! Miz chop blocks and Morrison SHINING WIZARDS! Cover, ONE?! Morrison is shocked, but he tags Miz in. They double GUT BUSTER McIntyre, and Miz seethes as he talks trash to McIntyre. Miz runs to boot, but McIntyre blocks it! McIntyre grimaces, then CHOPS Miz off his feet! Miz is stinging, McIntyre runs in but is thrown out! Morrison tags in and goes up top. Miz runs, McIntyre dodges the dropkick to CLOBBER him, then he blocks the Penalty Kick from the apron to trip Morrison up!

McIntyre drags Morrison off the apron in the inverted Alabama, to INVERTED ALABAMA SLAM Morrison onto the Miz! McIntyre smiles as he uses the Greatest Tag Team against each other and Raw goes to break.

Raw returns once more and McIntyre CHOPS Morrison off his feet! Morrison gets to a corner but McIntyre throws haymakers! McIntyre then THROWS Morrison! McIntyre taunts Morrison, brings him up and throws haymakers. Morrison wobbles but he manages a jawbreaker! Miz tags in, Miz throws hands but into McIntyre’s back suplex! Miz lands on his feet, shoves McIntyre but runs into an elbow! Morrison enziguris then Miz BOOTS! Morrison tags back in, they both go after McIntyre with kicks! And then they POST McIntyre! McIntyre tumbles down, Miz tags back in and both he and Morrison go after McIntyre, throwing him into barriers! McIntyre ends up upside-down and Miz stands on McIntyre’s head! “You want to cost me my title?!”

Miz puts McIntyre in, puts him in the corner and gives him It Kicks! Miz runs corner to corner to hit the A-List Lariat! Tag to Morrison as McIntyre tumbles down. Morrison goes up and SPRINGBOARD TORNILLO SPLASHES! Cover, ONE?!? Morrison is frustrated but he cravats McIntyre to grind him down. Morrison rams in a knee, kicks him at the ropes then clubs McIntyre to the corner. Morrison throws big body shots, but Miz chokes McIntyre while the ref pulls Morrison away! Morrison drags McIntyre out to then ground ‘n’ pound! Cover, ONE, but Morrison wraps on a chinlock! McIntyre endures, Miz starts up the “Hey Hey! Ho Ho!” but fans boo and give thumbs down. McIntyre snapmares free but runs into a boot!

Morrison goes up, STARSHIP P- NO! McIntyre shoves Morrison onto the post! Morrison’s starship is feeling pain, and McIntyre seethes as he climbs up behind him. McIntyre CLUBS Morrison, brings him up, and gives him Beats of the Bodhrain, just like Sheamus! McIntyre then brings Morrison up, only for Morrison to trip him up! Morrison returns the favor for groin pain, but it’s hard to adjust with only so much room. Morrison elbows McIntyre and McIntyre ends up in the Tree of Woe. Morrison stands, but McIntyre sits up! SPIDER GERMAN!! Miz is in shock and the fans are loving this! Morrison manages to make it to the corner and he tags Miz in! Miz goes after McIntyre but it’s McIntyre who rallies with clotheslines! McIntyre whips and OVERHEAD suplexes Miz! And then again!

McIntyre stalks Miz, and hits the leaping neckbreaker! Then he KIPS UP! McIntyre is fired up and he aims at Miz. McIntyre reels Miz in, underhooks the arms, but Miz slips out to full nelson! McIntyre snapmares free, to SPINE BUSTER! Jackknife cover, STANDING SHOOTING STAR from Morrison! All three men are down and the ThunderDome fans are fired up on their screens! Miz crawls but McIntyre grabs at legs. Miz pushes him away, Morrison tags in and SUPERKICKS! Morrison kicks low, MOONLIGHT DRIVE!! Cover, TWO!?! Morrison can’t believe it! Morrison drags McIntyre up, McIntyre shoves him but Miz tags in! McIntyre whips Morrison but runs into an elbow! Morrison goes to springboard but McIntyre shoves him out HARD!

Miz sneaks up, full nelson and FINALE!! Cover, TWO!?!? McIntyre survives again!! Miz is shocked but he shakes his head. McIntyre sits up and Miz gives him more It Kicks! Over and over, and over and over, but McIntyre ducks the buzzsaw! McIntyre shoves Miz into Morrison and knocks him down! FUTURE SHOCK!! But Miz gets to ropes for safety! McIntyre goes to a corner but Morrison drags Miz out! So McIntyre FLIES?! Down goes the Greatest Tag Team of the 21st Century! McIntyre puts Miz in, aims from the corner again, and CLAYMORE!! Cover, McIntyre wins!!

Winner: Drew McIntyre, by pinfall

The Miz and Morrison put up a hell of a fight but McIntyre still beat them both! McIntyre smirks as he- GETS AN RKO OUTTA NOWHERE!! Orton promised it but McIntyre still didn’t see it coming! But Bray Wyatt laughs from the shadows. Orton can’t relax, because while three predators are down, the most dangerous one is still lurking. Will Orton be able to make it to Survivor Series as champion? Or will he have no choice but to #LetHimIn?


My Thoughts:

A really good Raw here, actually. There were some things still a bit odd tonight, but not so bad as to drag down the episode. Garza has an interesting promo where it’s like he’s talking to someone he’s been “dating” online. That’s not a knock on those who meet people online, but it does seem a little weird for a guy who is the “Lethal Lothario” and should still be trying to charm someone he has met in person. Guess that thing with Nia was a one-off for the comedy. Maybe Garza’s “special someone” will be a call-up from NXT to introduce fresh talent. Shifting Retribution away from Hurt Business to go after Ricochet is actually not so bad, either. Ricochet needs something to do, Retribution needs wins, and it could be used to explore Ali’s mentality behind forming Retribution. But Tucker is already off to a rough solo start, I really thought Ali was going to recruit him. The trade that brings Otis to Raw or sends Tucker back to SmackDown should probably happen quickly so those two can have their grudge match.

The Hurt Business had a pretty good night tonight. Lashley VS Truth was decent, and it got better as Lashley brutalized Drew Gulak just to make a point to Sami Zayn. Gulak ends up 24/7 Champion either way, so I wonder what hilarity ensues between him, Lucha House Party and Truth with his bad neck. The Hurt Business and New Day have both a great promo segment for the VIP Lounge, which did make great reference to how Lashley, MVP and Benjamin have been around for quite some time and Alexander has yet to really establish himself on Raw. It was a great detail in the match for Benjamin to literally use Alexander as a way to mess up Woods’ top rope move. I wouldn’t want it to turn into a case where this keeps happening and Alexander feels like he isn’t respected, but there is half a chance that’s how they’re going to write this.

I’m a little disappointed Asuka wasn’t on the show at all to even just have a promo talking about the chances of facing Sasha compared to facing Bayley. But what we did get out of the Raw Women’s Division was pretty good. I’m surprised they gave us a Women’s Tag title match when originally it wasn’t that at all. It was obviously going to go Nia’s and Shayna’s way but I do like that Lana was trying to screw them over. It was rather rough for Lana to take on Nia but it did work to show she has some heart and determination. Still didn’t stop her from going through a table. I feel like the Women’s Survivor Series match goes like this: Lana will cause Nia to be eliminated, Nia puts her through a table, Lana is out of action until she’s the last Raw entrant and then she wins as a sole survivor. And then she gets put through another table.

Elias VS Hardy, Guitar on a Pole, fine whatever, it’s escalation as well as Hardy’s way of evening the score. Elias won by DQ but now Hardy won “clean.” They need to make this a battle of the bands before there is a tiebreaker match, because duh. The segment with the Raw Men’s Team was all great stuff, especially the Triple Threat. Braun was of course getting on the team, but the logic of Sheamus trying to take out Keith when Keith was going to take Braun down is a bit odd. I suppose Sheamus would want to be the winner of that match, but the goal should’ve been keeping Braun off the team. Of course, the team isn’t really meshing, on the same level as the women’s. I feel like that’s the real theme for Survivor Series this year: which teams can hold it together after the Draft shuffled things around?

There was a lot of great stuff in the world title story. The opening segment was a lot more fun than the average opening promo segment, and it kicked off the great character progression for Alexa. The gloves, the eyes, the “blood” spit, Alexa is slowly but surely becoming a female Fiend in her own right. And I think Abby’s bad attitude towards her is a sign Abby doesn’t want Alexa replacing her in the Firefly Fun House. I don’t think it’d work out but I feel like Sister Abigail will resurrect herself through Nikki Cross long enough to defeat Alexa and kick her out of the Fun House. Also, Alexa could’ve been made to look scarier for when Nikki confronted her. Let some of that red goop be on her lips and chin for some slightly more graphic texture than just contact lenses.

Then it is a great detail for McIntyre to be keeping Miz and that MITB briefcase away from Orton. McIntyre wants that title and is not going to be stopped. His handicap match with Miz and Morrison was a great handicap match, but I feel like he should’ve figured Orton was coming. Of course, Orton is the master of #OuttaNowhere, so I guess not even McIntyre is immune to that. But it also shows how powerful Bray is for his laugh to immediately humble Orton there. I’m really hoping we get a huge Triple Threat before Survivor Series to see who is facing Roman Reigns. And it being a Triple Threat would also give Miz openings to use his MITB contract to really complicate things. Should McIntyre not be the winner, I really would like to see him take Sheamus up on the Team Raw invitation and use his frustration as fuel to beat up on Team SmackDown, maybe even win it all.

My Score: 8.4/10


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Mitchell’s NJPW Castle Attack Results & Report! (2/27/21)

Let the Castle Attack BEGIN!

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NJPW Castle Attack

NJPW’s huge Osaka weekend event begins!

NJPW returns to Osaka for a Castle Attack! Will the Rainmaker still be atop the mountain? Or will Darkness Fall when Everything is Evil?

OFFICIAL RESULTS

  • Six Man Tag: Satoshi Kojima, Hiroyoshi Tenzan & Hiroshi Tanahashi VS The United Empire; The United Empire wins.
  • YOSHI-HASHI VS Tonga Loa w/ Jado; Loa wins.
  • Hirooki Goto VS Tama Tonga w/ Jado; Goto wins.
  • KOPW 2021 YTR Style Texas Strap Match: Toru Yano VS Chase Owens; Yano wins and retains the KOPW 2021 trophy.
  • Tomohiro Ishii VS Jay White w/ Gedo; White wins.
  • Kazuchika Okada VS EVIL w/ Dick Togo; Okada wins.

PLAY BY PLAY

Six Man Tag: Satoshi Kojima, Hiroyoshi Tenzan & Hiroshi Tanahashi VS The United Empire!

The King of Cozy Style, Ikari no Mogyuu, and the Ace are all targets of Will Ospreay, Jeff Cobb & Great-O-Khan, and the Dominator is going after Tanahashi’s NEVER Openweight Championship on day two! But will the Once in a Century Talent and his iconic compatriots be able to stand up against the United Empire in this opening round?

As usual, the United Empire stands firm, even as their opponents make their entrance. Tanahashi shoves off the muscles and fans cheer. Tanahashi and Khan dare each other to step up, and so that’s who starts! Fans cheer and the bell rings, and fans rally up already as Khan and Tanahashi circle. Ospreay sneaks in with Cobb, but Kojima and Tenzan are ready to counter! The ref tells them all to back off, and Khan has the Empire stand down. But that’s a fake out! They attack Tanahashi’s team, and throw Tenzan and Kojima out! The Empire mugs Tanahashi, double whips him corner to corner, then send Ospreay in, only for Tanahashi to toss Ospreay out!

Cobb and Khan mug Tanahashi, whip him to ropes, but Tanahashi ducks the double clothesline to send Khan into Cobb! Tanahashi kicks Khan low then whips him to a corner, but Khan reverses. Khan runs in but into an elbow! Tanahashi hops up to crossbody! Fans fire up and Tanahashi air guitars before he tags in Kojima. Kojima DECKS Ospreay, and fires off the machine gun CHOPS on Khan! The ref is busy keeping Ospreay out so Kojima gets plenty of extra CHOPS in! Kojima whips Khan corner to corner, hits a forearm smash, and then throws Khan down. Kojima climbs, Cobb intercepts with forearms! Ospreay hits Tenzan and Tanahashi while Cobb TOSSES Kojima down!

Khan clamps on with the head-arm triangle! Cobb and Ospreay throw Tenzan and Tanahashi around ringside but Kojima gets a ropebreak! Khan lets go, drags Kojima over, tags in Ospreay, and the Empire mugs Kojima. Ospreay CHOPS Kojima then BOOTS him! Ospreay scoops and slams Kojima to then run and drop a leaping knee! Cover, TWO! Ospreay bumps Kojima off buckles, tags in Cobb, and Cobb headbutts Kojima in the back. Cobb CLUBS Kojima, stays between him and his team, and then scoops Kojima. Ospreay talks trash while Cobb taunts Kojima’s team. Cobb throws knees into Kojima, then RAMS Kojima into the Emipre’s corner.

Khan tags in, stomps Kojima, but Kojima hits back! Khan ROCKS Kojima, and hits the Mongolian Chop! Khan taunts Tenzan with how Tenzan can’t use this move anymore, and then Mongolian Chops again! Kojimma stands up and he ROCKS Khan with forearms! And a ROLLING ELBOW! COZY CUTTER! Both men are down but fans fire up! Hot tag to Tanahashi! Tanahashi runs to rally on Khan, then he hits Cobb an Ospreay for good measure! Tanahashi blocks Khan’s boot to bring him out for a DRAGON SCREW! Ospreay runs in, but he gets a DRAGON SCREW! Tanahashi catches Cobb in the ropes, DRAPING DRAGON SCREW!

Fans fire up with Tanahashi and he goes after Khan’s legs. Tanahashi ties the legs up but Khan clamps his claw onto Tanahashi’s face! Khan gets up, Tanahashi breaks free, but Khan ROCKS Tanahashi with a forearm! Tanahashi gives the forearm back and now it’s a brawl of forearms back and forth! Fans rally up as they pick up speed, Tanahashi fires off a strike fest but Khan Mongolian Chops! Tanahashi ROCKS Khan with a palm strike, then runs, but into Khan’s sleeper hold! Khan uses the claw, then shifts to INVERTED EXPLODER! Both men are down and fans rally up again. Khan tags in Cobb and Cobb drags Tanahashi up.

Cobb fires off forearms and headbutts, then whips Tanahashi to a corner. Cobb runs in but Tanahashi dodges! Tanahashi waistlocks, Cobb resists the lift, and pries free! But Tanahashi half nelson spins Cobb to TWIST ‘N’ SHOUT! Hot tag to Tenzan! Tenzan rallies on Cobb, DECKS Ospreay, and fans fire up. Tenzan wants to Mongolian Chop but he remembers he can’t! So he kicks Cobb low and gives him a headbutt! Tenzan has Cobb in the corner, and throws more kicks and haymakers. Tenzan whips corner to corner then runs in to clothesline Cobb! Fans fire up as Tenzan calls his shot, and he hits the suplex! Cover, TWO!

Tenzan calls in Kojima and Tanahashi, and the three go after Cobb together. They double whip Cobb corner to corner, then Kojima runs in to back elbow! Tanahashi hits a splash! They double whip into Tenzan’s windmill kick! Cover, TWO! Tenzan keeps on Cobb and gets the ANACONDA VICE! Tanahashi and Kojima go after the rest of the Empire but Ospreay BOOTS Kojima and CLUBS Tanahashi! Cobb powers up but Tenzan holds tight. Cobb elbows free but Tenzan headbutts! Cobb ROCKS Tenzan with an uppercut, then tags in Ospreay! Ospreay slingshots in for a ROLLING ELBOW! Cover, TWO! Ospreay drags Tenzan up, reels him in, and underhooks, but Tenzan resists!

Ospreay gives Kowata kicks and a SUPERKICK! Ospreay runs but into a back drop! Fans fire up with Tenzan and Tenzan dares Ospreay to stand. Tenzan remembers again he can’t Mongolian Chop, but Ospreay dares him to! Ospreay SLAPS Tenzan, and then Khan CLOBBERS Tenzan! Khan and Ospreay SUPERKICK BOOT COMBO! Cover, but Tanahashi breaks it! Khan BOOTS Tanahashi, clamps on the claw, and hits the ELIMINATOR SLAM! Kojima fires off on Khan and runs, but into a TOUR OF THE ISLANDS! The United Empire feed Tenzan to the OSCUTTER! Cover, the Empire wins!

Winners: The United Empire, by pinfall

United they stand victorious! Khan gets a mic and he wants everyone in Osaka to understand! They are THE United Empire!! Will this momentum bode well for Khan coming for the NEVER Openweight Championship? Or will the Ace be able to trump the Dominator’s iron hand?

 

YOSHI-HASHI VS Tonga Loa w/ Jado!

Before going 2v2 with the Guerrillas of Destiny for the IWGP Heavyweight Tag Team Championships, the Head Hunter will take on the Silverback alone! Will Loa make sure Hashi can’t #GetBackUp for tomorrow’s tag title match?

The bell rings and Hashi circles with Loa. Fans rally up and they tie up. Hashi manages to push Loa back a bit, but Loa pushes Hashi to the ropes. The ref calls for a break, Hashi turns things around, and Hashi drags Loa down to an ARMBAR! Loa holds off the extension, moves around, but Hashi stays clamped on. Hashi clubs at the clasped hands but Loa holds tight. Loa pries at Hashi’s own grip, but Hashi adjusts to get the other hand isolated! Loa gets the ropebreak with a leg and Jado protests, so Hashi lets go fast. Hashi clubs Loa’s arm but Loa shoves him away. Hashi comes back with a kick, Loa throws body shots but Hashi clubs and stomps him.

Hashi wrenches Loa to a wristlock, but Loa throws a forearm, only for Hashi to make it a takedown! Hashi wants the double wristlock but Loa moves around. Hashi has a short arm scissor instead! Loa endures, moves around, but Hashi stomps the arm! Hashi stomps Loa more, Loa throws body shots but Hashi clubs him. Hashi wrenches the arm, clubs it, then wrenches again to club it again. Loa pulls Hashi’s hair but Hashi elbows Loa’s elbow. Hashi wrenches again but Loa LARIATS him down! Fans cheer the exchange but then Loa stomps Hashi over and over! Loa drags Hashi up, whips him to a corner then runs in to clothesline!

Loa whips Hashi out then back in to clothesline again! Jado cheers while Hashi falls to his knees. Loa gets the bad arm moving, drags Hashi back up, and fans rally. Hashi throws body shots, wrenches, but Loa throws a haymaker and back hand! Hashi clubs the arm, Loa throws a forearm, but Hashi wrenches to an elbow breaker! Hashi runs, but the ref is busy checking on Loa and Jado trips Hashi! Loa hurries to get Hashi up for a suplex! Uno amigo, and then a wrench to a back suplex! Cover, TWO! Fans cheer but Loa grows annoyed. Loa drags Hashi up as fans rally again. Loa throws a forearm but Hashi gives it back. Loa headbutts Hashi and Hashi is down in the corner!

Loa stomps away on Hashi, but the ref reprimands. Loa lets off, Jado taunts Hashi, and Loa whips Hashi corner to corner. Loa runs in but into a dropkick to the legs! Fans cheer as Hashi evens things back up! Hashi and Loa slowly rise, Hashi throws forearms, body shots and a CHOP! Hashi whips, Loa reverses but Hashi dodges to hit the HEADHUNTER! Hashi fires up and fans rally for him. Hashi runs corner to corner, to CHOP Loa! Hashi whips, CHOPS, but Loa just grins! Loa wags his finger at Hashi, then throws a forearm! Hashi stays up and he forearms back! Loa doesn’t budge, and he ROCKS Hashi!

Hashi stays on his feet and Loa dares him to “give me your best shot! Don’t do this to me! You came to fight me, so fight me!” Loa wants Hashi to #GetBackUp and show him what he’s got! Hashi gets up and throws forearms and CHOPS! Mule kick, and a neckbreaker! Fans fire up with Hashi and he hurries to a corner! Hashi climbs up and fans rally harder now! Loa stands and hits Hashi with a forearm first! Loa climbs up, clubs away on Hashi’s back, but Hashi resists the superplex. Hashi throws bodys shots, clubs Loa, and sunset flips, to get the RUNNING POWERBOMB!! Cover, TWO! Hashi has the BUTTERFLY LOCK! Loa powers up but Hashi throws knees into him!

Hashi grinds Loa down but Loa powers up again! Loa fireman’s carries Hashi, but Hashi slips off to CHOP! Loa laughs, kicks, knees and ENZIGURIS! Hashi falls over but Loa tells him, “I’m gonna kill you! Don’t you die on me yet!” Hashi gets up, Loa runs, but into an elbow! Hashi runs, but into a SPINEBUSTER! Cover, TWO!! Hashi still lives and fans fire up again! Loa likes this! “There’s that fighting spirit! I love it!” Loa drags Hashi up and vows it’s over now. Loa scoops but Hashi slips out to waistlock. Loa rams Hashi into a corner and fires off elbows! Loa runs in but Hashi dodges! SUPERKICK, but Loa just wants more! SUPERKICK, SUPERKICK and SUPERKICK!

Loa shoves Hashi and Hashi fires off another SUPERKICK! Loa still isn’t done, he wants more!! Hashi SUPERKICKS, and Loa finally wobbles! BACKSTABBER! Hashi drags Loa to a drop zone and goes up top! Fans fire up, Hashi SWANTON BOMBS! Cover, TWO!?! Loa still lives but Hashi keeps on him! Hashi gator rolls Loa into the BUTTERFLY LOCK! Loa grits his teeth and powers up again! Hashi slips an arm around to get the double wristlock! KIMURA-FLY! Loa still endures, slips his head under, but Jado gets in! Hashi is ready, and he kicks then mule kicks Jado first! Hashi sends Loa into Jado! Roll up, TWO!!

Loa swings but into a full nelson, DRAGON SUPLEX! Hashi fires up and the fans are with him, for the BASEMENT METEORA! Hashi isn’t done there, he drags Loa back up! Hashi gets Loa up, full nelsons again, but then shifts to a pump handle! Wait, Tama Tonga shows up! The distraction saves Loa, and he scoops Hashi for APE SHIT!! Cover, Loa wins!!

Winner: Tonga Loa, by pinfall

Well it was strange that Tama wasn’t here to start, and now we see he was an ace in the hole! And now they’re all beating Hashi up, 3v1! The ref reprimands but they’re not stopping! GoD drags Hashi up, but here comes Goto! Goto CLOBBERS Loa then fires off on Tama! After all, their match was up next, anyway! Tama whips Goto away but Goto comes back to block the hip toss and hit a hip toss! Fans cheer as Goto lariats Loa out of the ring, and the ref rings the bell on the next match!

Hirooki Goto VS Tama Tonga w/ Jado!

The Good Bad Guy rolls the Fierce Warrior up right away! With tights! TWO!! Goto swings, Tama gets under and Tama dropkicks Goto out! Tama hurries out after Goto, and he whips Goto into railing! Tama checks on Loa and sees he’s okay. Tama drags Goto back up, POSTS him, then goes in the ring as the ref wants. Goto stirs, the ring count begins, but Tama goes back out. The ref is busy with Tama and Jado SMACKS Goto with the kendo stick! Tama goes out to fetch Goto now, puts him back in, and clamps on with a chinbar. Tama clubs away on Goto’s chest, then paces about. Goto sits up, Tama drags him back up and snap suplexes! Cover, ONE!! Tama is annoyed but fans rally up.

Tama sits Goto up to claw his face! The ref reprimands, Tama stops, and fans rally up for Goto. Tama paces as Goto eggs him on. Tama CLUBS Goto, and Goto eggs him on more! Tama throws haymakers, but Goto gets power from it! Goto eggs Tama on, Tama headbutts, but that does more damage to Tama! Tama whips Goto, runs in but the splash misses! Goto hits a BIG suplex! Goto fires off on Tama in the corner, whips him corner to corner, and runs in to MURAMASA! Then, BULLDOG! Cover, TWO! Goto drags Tama up, fireman’s carries, but Tama fights free. Tama swings but into a hook! Tama fights free of that, gets Goto in a dragon sleeper, but Goto turns that around!

Tama slips through to suplex, but Goto resists! Goto suplexes, but Tama slips into the dragon sleeper, TONGAN TWIST! Cover, TWO! Tama is furious but fans rally up! Tama watches Goto, hears the voices in his head like he’s The Viper, and Goto rises. Goto turns around, but he denies the Gun Stun! Goto swings, but into Tama’s spin and leap, SATELLITE DDT! Both men are down but Tama is growling. Tama gets up, goes to a corner and climbs up. FROG SPLASH FLOPS as Goto moves! BLINDSIDE SLIDING LARIAT! Both men are down again and fans rally up. Goto crawls to ropes while Tama sits up. Goto staggers over and powers up!

But Loa returns to scoop Goto! Jado is distracting the ref! Goto slips out of the scoop, and HEADBUTTS Loa down! Goto DECKS Jado but turns around into GUN- NO! Goto blocks again, shoves Tama and follows. Tama stops to swing on Goto but Goto dodges, and comes back to swing. Tama ducks, redirects, dodges, hurdles, but Goto dodges the boot to swing! Tama ducks to GUN- NO!! Goto drags Tama back up, fireman’s carry, dragon sleeper, toss out, G T R!! Cover, GOTO WINS!!

Winner: Hirooki Goto, by pinfall

What a wild exchange to end this one! But now, Chaos is even with the Guerrillas, and the tiebreaker will be THE IWGP Heavyweight Tag Team Championship match! Will Goto and Hashi end GoD’s reign and be double champions? Or will it be Tama & Loa who #TurnItAllAround?

 

KOPW 2021 YTR Style Texas Strap Match: Toru Yano VS Chase Owens!

Mr. KOPW 2020 now defends his provisional 2021 KOPW trophy, and is going to put his twist on the Crown Jewel’s stipulation choice! But will that be enough for Yano to continue on through the year? Or will Bullet Club manage to add another accolade to the treasury?

The introductions are made, and Yano’s seems to get even longer with the more he does and has… But after all that, and some disinfectant spray, the trophy is to be presented, which comes as a surprise to Yano. The trophy is set aside, the strap is brought in, and Yano waits outside while Chase is strapped in first. Perhaps Yano doesn’t trust Chase. The strap is also taped down so there is no removal of it during the match. Chase tosses Yano the other end, and Yano is hesitant to strap in. Yano takes the cuff, puts it on, and the ref tapes it on. Then Chase tries to reel Yano in! Yano knew this would happen! The bell rings, and it’s a tug-o-war!

Yano gets enough slack that he can LASH Chase! And again! And again! Chase bails out but Yano reels him in! Chase tries to get away with what slack there is but Yano keeps reeling him in! Chase wants a time-out? And a handshake? Yano kicks him and SMACKS him instead! And another SMACK! Another SMACK! Yano uses the strap to choke Chase! That’s legal in a strap match but Chase grabs at ropes. Yano kicks Chase, whips him, but Chase grabs ropes to get out again! Yano decides to undo a buckle pad! Now we have a bare corner! Chase resists being reeled in, and he goes to undo a buckle pad!

Yano won’t let him, and Yano chases Chase around! Chase uses that to get the strap going through the corner, and he YANKS Yano into the post! Chase takes a moment to catch his breath before he stomps Yano. Chase goes into the ring to undo the corner trap, and he uses the slack to SMACK Yano now! And SMACKS him again! And again! Chase drags Yano up, puts him in, and stomps him down. Chase sits Yano up, rips Yano’s shirt off, and now has bare skin to go after! SMACK! There’s instantly a red mark on Yano’s back! Chase drops fists, chokes Yano with the strap, then lets off to go to a corner. Chase again copies Yano and undoes this buckle pad! The neutral corners are bare!

Chase tosses the buckle pad at Yano and Yano catches it. Chase dares Yano to use the pad, so Yano swings! Chase dodges and dropkicks Yano into the bare buckles! Chase stomps Yano at the ropes, throws the buckle pad down on him, then digs his foot into Yano’s face while mocking the YTR thumbs. Chase drags Yano up to throw him out, then he follows. Chase drags Yano up and whips him, but Yano reverses to send Chase into barriers! Yano gets something from under the ring! It’s extra tape! Chase CLUBS Yano first, then slips through the railing? He wants to reel Yano into the railing, but Yano resists! So Chase lets go and Yano falls over!

Chase is free to drag Yano up and YANK him into the railing! And then again! Yano falls back down, Chase slips back through and he gets Yano’s spare tape! Chase tapes Yano’s hand into a fist so he can’t open it! Then Chase drags Owens up and puts him in the ring. Chase stomps Owens, and gets the other hand! Chase tapes that one up, too! Yano can’t open either of his hands! Yano tries to resist but Chase claws Yano’s face. Chase finishes his handiwork, and gets some slack on the strap to again SMACK Yano on the back! Chase plays around as he stomps and kicks Yano down, then he mocks the Yano shrug! But Yano uses his fists to trip Chase! Yano still catapults Chase into bare buckles!

Yano runs as far as the strap allows, comes back, but Chase dodges! Yano gets bare buckles again! Fans fire up, and Chase undoes the blue corner buckle pad! That’s three, will Chase go for the fourth? Chase drags Yano up to reel him in for a haymaker! And then again! And again! Chase throws up the Two Sweets, but Yano slips under and uses the strap to flip Chase! Chase gets up to throw a strike fest, then he runs, but into an atomic drop! Yano dodges Chase’s swing, shoves him at the ref, and then LOW BLOWS! Chase couldn’t stop that with wrist tape! And Yano figures what the hell? Untile the last pad! But wait, the tape on his hands makes that tricky.

Yano tears at the tape and frees his fingers! Fans fire up as Yano goes for the last corner, but Chase reels him in! HAMMERLOCK LARIAT! Chase hits the Jewel Heist but he can’t cover from being too tired! Fans fire up, Chase gets up and says BANG, and he drags Yano back up. Chase reels Yano in, Yano shoves him away! So Chase goes out and uses the strap to reel Yano into the bare buckles! Chase drags Yano all the way out now, and whips him into the railing! Chase pulls up padding from the floor ringside!! He wants bare linoleum to come into play now! BANG, and the package, but Yano fights that off to back drop Chase onto the floor!

Yano is mad now, and he gets into the ring! The strap keeps Yano from the final corner pad, but fans rally up! Owens holds railing, Yano goes back out, but Chase gets the ring bell! Chase CLOBBERS Yano with the bell, then he gets in, and HE wants the final corner! But Yano’s dead weight is keeping him from getting close! Chase thought he had a fool proof plan but seems not. Chase goes back out to fetch Yano, and wraps the strap around Chase’s head. Chase drags Yano up and in, then drags him. Yano holds Chase back, reels him in, and Chase is annoyed. JEWEL TRIGGER!

Fans rally for Yano but Chase gets the buckle pad! Yano tries to pull Chase away but Chase’s one hand undoes all but one strap! Chase runs at Yano, but into a pop-up POWERBOMB! And YANO unties the buckle pad!! YANO WINS!!

Winner: Toru Yano (retains the KOPW 2021 trophy)

And that’s how you win YTR style! Will Yano continue to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat like this? Or will someone eventually beat Yano at his own games?

 

Tomohiro Ishii VS Jay White w/ Gedo!

The other third of the NEVER Openweight Six Man Tag Champions is in action as he looks to settle things with the Switchblade! But will the Stone Pitbull be made to look like a little puppy tonight?

White insists the ref be more concerned about Ishii than him in the check. White throws off the jacket, flexes for the fans, and then has Gedo get in so they can Low Sweet. But Ishii grows impatient and he rushes over! White and Gedo bail out, “cool off,” and White mocks the clapping before giving the Low Sweet. White returns to the ring, bails right bck out, and asks about the bell. White gets in, the bell rings, and then White bails out again. White has a laugh as he goes in and out and in again, only to slide right back out. The ref reprimands, White dares Ishii to go after him, and Ishii goes! White gets far away from Ishii, goes back in the ring but Ishii is ready to follow.

White goes out, Ishii follows again. Gedo creeps up on Ishii, and White attacks! White stomps Ishii, drags him up for knees, then whips. Ishii swings, White dodges and doges and knees low. White whips, Ishii reverses but White bails out! White has a laugh, but Ishii rushes after him again! White gets in, and pretends he pulled a muscle so that Gedo can rake Ishii’s eyes! Gedo RAMS Ishii into railing then gets away before the ref notices. Ishii gets in the ring but White stomps him at the ropes. White stomps Ishii around, drags him up and throws him back out. White goes out but Ishii gets back in and runs, to run White over! Ishii pursues White on the outside, drags him up and whips him into railing!

Gedo protests but Ishii drags White up by his hair. White pushes Ishii but Ishii whips White back into railing! Fans cheer but the ref says to get this in the ring. Ishii glares at Gedo as he creeps over, and Gedo backs off. White goes to the ramp and Ishii wants to chase him down but the ref tells him to stay by the ring. The ref checks on White and tells him to get back to the ring, but White stays where he is on the ramp. Ishii argues with the ref, but he goes back into the ring. White dares Ishii to fight him on the outside but Ishii dares White to get back in. White goes in, Ishii kicks and clubs him! Ishii ROCKS White with a forearm, stomps him down, and then drags him up at the ropes.

White holds the ropes, the ref calls for the break, but White fireman’s carries and HOTSHOTS Ishii to the apron! Gedo cheers while Ishii flops to the floor. White drags Ishii back up to SNAKE EYES him off the railing! The ref checks Ishii and White mockingly asks if Ishii is okay. The ref tells White to stay back, White goes into the ring, and fans rally up for Ishii. White goes back out to drag Ishii up and RAM him into the apron! And RAM him into railing! And RAM him back into the apron! And then back into the railing! Those ribs take serious damage as Ishii goes down in a heap! Gedo mockingly asks what’s wrong, and White drags Ishii up.

White says they have to get into the ring, so he’s putting Ishii in the ring. White asks if Ishii is done, but Ishii refuses to quit! The fans rally so White stomps Ishii over and over! White digs his fingers into Ishii’s face then stomps him again! White stomps Ishii in the ribs and Ishii goes to the ropes. White pushes Ishii around and then gets him into a corner. White RAMS into the bad ribs, the ref wants White to back off but White RAMS Ishii one more time. Gedo cheers but he’s the only one as White puts Ishii in a rear bearhug. Ishii endures the squeeze, so White JAMS a knee into Ishii’s back. White goes back to the rear bearhug, mockingly asking if Ishii has a hard time breathing.

White is squeezing tighter and Ishii shouts in pain! Ishii endures, reaches, and gets the ropebreak! Fans cheer the toughness but White stomps Ishii at the ropes! The ref checks on Ishii again but White drags Ishii back up. White whips Ishii hard into a corner and Gedo wants the ref to call this. White whips, Ishii reverses, and then Ishii runs in but White dodges! Ishii crashes into buckles, and White fireman’s carries him up! Ishii slips off, but White elbows Ishii away, only to run into a POWERSLAM! Both men are down and fans fire up! Ishii growls as he gets up and he stalks White to a corner.

Fans rally as Ishii CHOPS White, and CHOPS again! And CHOPS, and then hooks White’s arms in the ropes so he can CHOP again! White falls over and Ishii hammers away! The ref reprimands, Ishii backs him down with a glare! Ishii comes back but White RAMS a shoulder into the ribs! White goes to suplex but it’s Ishii who brings White up and over! Ishii sits up, fans rally, and Ishii looms over White. Ishii brings White up but White fights off the back suplex. White swings but Ishii spins him around. White switches, Ishii wrenches, but White avoids the back suplex to turn Ishii. Ishii fights out of the neckbreaker but White kicks low to DDT!

Both men are down again and Ishii gets to the corner. White runs in to uppercut Ishii, and fireman’s carry, for a DEATH VALLEY DRIVER! Cover, TWO! Ishii survives and White grows annoyed but fans fire up! White drags Ishii back up, reels him in, but Ishii fights the urenage off and they end up in a corner. White knees Ishii, CHOPS and CHOPS and CHOPS, but Ishii eggs him on. White CHOPS Ishii again, then puts some stank on the next CHOP! Ishii just turns things around to CHOP White high! The ref reprimands but Ishii shoves him away! Ishii CHOPS White high again! Ishii drags White up, CHOPS high and hard again and again!

The ref comes back, Ishii shoves him, and CHOPS White more! The ref finally gets Ishii to stop those near throat chops, and Ishii drags White up to whip him corner to corner. Ishii runs in to corner clothesline, then whips corner to corner. White reverses, Ishii bounces off buckles, but runs into the COMPLETE SHOT! White drags Ishii up into a DEAD LIFT GERMAN! Gedo is fired up and fans rally up as both men are down. Gedo calls for the Kiwi, and White drags Ishii back up. White reels Ishii in, fisherman hooks but Ishii fights the lift! Ishii rams White into a corner, but White CORNER HALF HATCHES Ishii! Ishii clutches those bad ribs as he flops out of the ring!

The ref checks on Ishii but Ishii refuses to quit. White goes out to fetch Ishii, and he drags Ishii up to RAILING HALF HATCH!! White leaves Ishii for dead as Ishii writhes. Fans rally up but a ring count begins. The count is already 6 of 20 before Ishii sits up. Ishii still hasn’t gotten up and we’re past 10 of 20! It’s 15, Ishii finally starts going towards the ring, and he’s in at 18! White drags Ishii up and is pissed, but he hits BLADEBUSTER! Cover, TWO!! Ishii survives and Gedo is furious! White drags Ishii around, reels him in, but Ishii fights the urenage. White knees low but Ishii gets around to headbutt! Ishii runs, but into a BIG urenage!

White drags Ishii up, fisherman and KIWI KRUSHER! Cover, TWO!? Ishii survives and fans fire up! White asks Gedo for ideas, then drags Ishii around. White gets the sleeper hold but Ishii hooks the leg to block the suplex. Ishii throws elbows but White KNEES him low and hard! White drags Ishii back to center, has an arm and a leg, and stomps away on the ribs! Gedo wants the ref to stop this for Ishii, but Ishii doesn’t want this to end like that! White stands Ishii up and keylocks an arm so he can JAM Ishii in the ribs! White puts Ishii in a corner for more hard body shots! Gedo cheers but the ref reprimands. Ishii dares White to bring it, and White throws forearms!

Ishii tanks them because his head is still hard as stone! White throws more forearms but Ishii leans into them! Ishii backs White down like this, so White KNEES the ribs! Ishii ROCKS White back! Ishii drags White up and Gedo starts getting worried. Ishii puts White up top, Gedo swipes at him but the ref reprimands. White claws Ishii’s eyes! But Ishii RISING HEADBUTTS! White holds on to keep from falling! Ishii climbs up, drags White up, and hits a SUPERPLEX! The ribs make that double-edged, but Ishii hurries to high stack cover, TWO!! White survives but is sputtering. Ishii powers up and takes aim. Gedo gets on the apron, but hops off when Ishii glares at him.

White gets Ishii in the sleeper, but Ishii throws him over! Ishii puts the sleeper on now! White fades already but Gedo gets on the apron! Ishii goes after Gedo, pushing the ref aside! Gedo sucker punches Ishii down! White gets Ishii in the SNAP SLEEPER SUPLEX! Fans rally but White drags Ishii back up! Ishii tries to fight the sleeper hold but he’s fading! White leans on the hold, but Ishii gets a second wind! Ishii reaches for ropes, but White gets a leg for a FISHERMAN BACK SUPLEX! Bridging cover, TWO!! Ishii survives and Gedo is furious again! Fans rally for Ishii as White drags himself over.

White drags Ishii up, reels him in, but Ishii fights free of the suplex! White forearms, throws a strike fest, but Ishii gets around. They both swing and dodge but Ishii POINT-BLANK LARIATS! Both men are down as Ishii clutches his ribs. Ishii fires up to fight through the pain and the fan srally behind him. Ishii runs, but White gets around! Ishii switches and he puts White in a sleeper! Ishii leans on White and now White fades! Ishii spins White but WHITE hits the BRAINBUSTER!! Cover, TWO!?! Ishii survives and White is beside himself! White slashes the throat, drags Ishii up, but no Blade Runner! GERMAN SUPLEX! Ishii and White are down again and both sputter as they sit up.

Gedo rallies for White but Ishii hits his head off the mat to power up! Ishii gets moving, fakes White out, but White still boots Ishii! Ishii ENZIGURIS! Ishii is roaring, Gedo is panicking, and Ishii drags White up to a POWERBOMB!! High stack, TWO?!? White survives but Ishii sits him up. Gedo gets in with the brass knuckles! The ref reprimands, Ishii dares Gedo to use them, but he blocks White’s low blow! Ishii whips White into Gedo then LARIATS White! SLIDING LARIAT!! Cover, TWO?!?! White survives again but Ishii is just firing up more! Ishii drags White up, suplexes him, but White fights that off!

White tries to suplex but Ishii suplexes first. White slips out, dragon sleepre to an inverted suplex and he puts Ishii on his shoulder! White flips Ishii to the blade position but Ishii slipls out! Ishii swings but White turns him around, crosses the arms, but Ishii fights out again, only to run into a SNAP SLEEPER SUPLEX! White hurries to get Ishii up but Ishii POINT-BLANK LARIATS! Ishii suplexes, White fights out but Ishii HEADBUTTS! White still wants a Triple S, but Ishii waistlocks! White switches, Ishii switches, but White blocks and dodges to BLADERUNNER!! Cover, White wins!!

Winner: Jay White, by pinfall

A masterful exchange and it’s the Switchblade that hits the mark! White even needs to check that he won, it was that sudden! He hugs Young Lions in almost mocking celebration! But when the Young Lion pushes him away, he BOOTS them down! But does this victory mean White is done with Ishii and back on his way towards the top?

 

Kazuchika Okada VS EVIL w/ Dick Togo!

The Rainmaker technically got his singles match with the King of Darkness not too long ago, but it was little more than an excuse to get Okada alone so Bullet Club could beat him up. We’ve seen Bullet Club in action all night, will any of Evil’s allies be able to back him up? Or will Okada prove Everything is NOT Evil?

The bell rings and Okada rushes Evil! Evil dodges, but then Okada dodges to fire off forearms. Evil kicks low, whips Okada to ropes, but Okada reverses and BOOTS Evil down! Evil bails out, fans cheer, and Okada dares Evil to come back. Dick and Evil regroup, Red Shoes keeps Okada back, and Okada waits. Evil slides back in, circles with Okada, and Okada points Dick out to Red Shoes. Dick stays back, Okada and Evil circle, but then Dick swipes at Okada! Evil attacks from behind, whips Okada to ropes, but Okada holds ropes and boots back. Okada scoops and slams Evil, then slingshot sentons!

Fans cheer as Okada takes a moment before he covers. ONE, but Okada drags Evil back up. Okada turns Evil to hit a neckbreaker! Okada drags Evil up and clamps on a chinlock. Evil endures, even as Okada digs his knee in. Evil reaches and gets the ropebreak with a foot! Okada holds until Red Shoes counts 3, and he brings Evil up to elbow him back down. Evil goes to a corner, Okada stomps him down! Dick protests but Okada tells him to shut up. Okada drags Evil up, snapmares him, then runs to basement dropkick! Evil bails out as fans rally up. Dick checks on Evil, Okada goes out and tells Dick to back off. Okada drags Evil up and ROCKS Evil with a forearm!

Okada glares at Dick then chases him off! Dick goes in the ring, Okada follows, Evil CLOBBERS Okada! Evil mockingly applauds and then he scrapes Okada out of the ring. Evil drags Okada up and whips him into railing! Evil scuffs Okada’s face, then drags him up, to RAM into the railing and the timekeeper! Poor Abe-san! Why don’t they ever move him away from ringside? Evil drags out chairs while everyone is busy helping Abe. Evil brings Okada over, CLUBS him down, then gets a chair ready! Evil puts that chair around Okada’s head, and then has the other chair! HOMERUN! Evil goes into the ring and leaves Okada on the floor. Fans rally for “O-KA-DA!” as a ring count begins.

Okada slowly stirs, and finally gets up at 10 of 20. Okada gets in at 13, but Evil is after him. Evil whips Okada into the bare corner! When did Dick take the buckle pad?! Evil drags Okada to a Half Crab! Okada endures as Evil pulls back, using Okada’s own knee pad for leverage. Okada gets the ropebreak, and Evil lets go at 4. Evil paces, drags Okada up, but Okada throws a forearm! Okada throws more forearms, but Evil rakes Okada’s eyes! Evil throws Okada out, and then gets in Red Shoes’ face so Dick can stomp away on Okada! Dick drags Okada up and puts him in for Evil, and Evil covers. Red Shoes knows something fishy is up so he refuses!

Evil is upset with Red Shoes but he drags Okada back up. Evil reels Okada in to snap suplex! Cover, TWO! Another cover, TWO! Another, TWO! Evil is furious with Red Shoes but the count is the count. Evil mocks the fans clapping for “O-KA-DA!” and he drags Okada up. Okada throws a heavy body shot! Okada throws forearms, uppercuts, and then whips. Evil reverses, Okada dodges but Evil kicks him to throw him down! Okada avoids the back senton, and hits a basement EuroUpper! Both men are down, fans rally up, and Okada stands first. Evil follows but Okada rallies with elbows! Okada whips, Evil reverses but Okada elbows him down! Osaka fires up with Okada!

Okada whips Evil corner to corner, runs in and back elbows! Kick and DDT! Cover, TWO! Okada keeps his focus and gets the fans going with clap-clap-clap-stomp. Evil gets up but he fights off the Alabama lift! So Okada RAMS Evil into a corner! Okada puts Evil up top, Evil boots but Okada blocks! Okada clubs the leg then EuroUppers, and he dropkicks Evil off the top! Evil falls to the floor and Dick checks on him. Okada catches his breath in the ring, the ring count starts, and Dick coaches Evil. Okada goes out to fetch Evil, and drags him up. Okada elbows Evil, but then Dick talks trash. Okada chases Dick up the ramp but Evil pursues! Okada kicks and clubs Dick!

Evil runs in but Okada gets him, too! DOUBLE DDT’s to the ramp! Okada and fans rally with clap-clap-clap-stomp! Okada leaves Evil and Dick behind as he goes back down the ramp. But then Okada goes back and figures he should bring Evil back. Okada clubs Evil to make sure he keeps going towards ringside. Okada puts Evil in and fans cheer as he covers, TWO! Evil is still in this but Okada isn’t frustrated. Okada drags Evil up but blocks thje kick! Okada spins, Evil blocks the kick and gives it to Red Shoes so he can mule kick Okada low! Fans rally again, Evil pretends he can’t hear them, and then he runs in to clothesline Okada in the corner! Snap suplex and cover, TWO!

Evil is frustrated again but he gets Okada’s legs! Okada resists as Evil tries to turn him over, and Okada gets the ropebreak! Red Shoes counts, Evil lets go at 4, but Dick is there to get cheap shots in! Dick runs way before Red Shoes sees, and Evil smirks as he scuffs Okada with his boot. Evil talks trash, Okada gets up and fans rally again. Evil slaps Okada around, so Okada gets mad. Okada runs but into a fireman’s carry! Okada fights free, Evil elbows him away and runs, but into a HUGE FLAPJACK! Both men are down again and fans rally up again. Okada stands, Evil goes to a corner, but Okada BOOTS him! Okada Alabama lifts but Evil fights off! Evil pulls hair but Okada ROCKS him!

Okada runs, Evil goes to the corner, but Okada ROCKS him again! Evil reverses the whip, but runs into the Alabama! REVERSE NECKBREAKER! Cover, TWO! Okada goes to a corner, climbs up, but Evil stands, so Okada hits a BIG missile dropkick! Cover, TWO! Okada keeps his cool as he drags Evil back up. Okada gut wrenches but Evil resists. Evil gets the ropes, Red Shoes calls for the break, but Okada clubs Evil first. Okada backs off, runs into the corner, but Evil boots him away! Evil boots Okada again, then dodges. Okada stops from hitting bare buckles, but Evil clotheslines Okada into them! Okada goes down in a heap while Evil smiles. Fans rally up but Evil drags Okada up.

Evil hoists Okada up top, climbs up to join him, and then goes to the very top! Evil drags Okada up, and hits a SUPERPLEX! Evil doesn’t cover, he gets the SHARPSHOOTER! Okada endures as Evil sits back deep! The fans rally, Okada claws for ropes, but Evil adds more torque! Okada refuses to quit and he gets the ropebreak! Red Shoes counts and Evil lets go at 4! Evil catches his breath in a corner while Okada is down. Evil drags Okada back up, reels him into the fireman’s carry, and DARKNESS FALLS! Cover, TWO!! Okada survives and fans fire up! Evil is annoyed again but he vows to end this. Evil slashes the throat, stands Okada up and spins him, but Okada denies Evil.

Okada wants the clip but Evil knees low. Evil whips, Okada reverses and Evil gets bare buckles! MONEY CLIP! Evil endures, claws Okada’s eyes, but Red Shoes reprimands. Evil lets go and then he grabs at Red Shoes! Dick CLUBS Okada with a pipe!! Dick gets in, Red Shoes reprimands, but Evil gets in Red Shoes’ face while Dick fires off haymakers! Dick whips Okada but Okada BOOTS him down! Evil kicks and whips Okada but Okada reverses to dropkick Evil down! Okada gets Evil’s arm for the MONEY CLIP! Evil endures, pries at Okada’s fingers, but Okada leans on the hold. Evil fights up, grabs at Red Shoes, but Red Shoes SWATS Evil’s hand!

Okada gut wrenches Evil to a TOMBSTONE! And back to MONEY CLIP! Evil reaches, turns a bit red, starts to fade but gets a second wind. Evil is up, grabs Red Shoes again, but Okada CLUBS Evil! Okada wrenches the other arm but Evil shoves Okada into Red Shoes! Evil runs but Okada gets around, DISCUS RAINMAKER! Okada shouts to Red Shoes but he’s still down. Okada puts on Money Clip, Dick has the CHOKER!! The Spoiler is trying to spoil this finish! But Okada powers up and RAMS Dick into the bare buckles! Okada is free, and he gut wrenches Dick to hit a TOMBSTONE!! Okada takes the choker now?! To throw it away! That’s our Rainmaker for ya! But Evil LOW BLOWS Okada!!

Evil gets the legs, but Okada LOW BLOWS Evil back!! Turnabout is fair play! Both men are down, as is Red Shoes, and fans rally up! Okada sits up first, and he drags Evil up. Okada gut wrenches again, for a SPINNING TOMBSTONE! Fans fire up with Okada again as he sits Evil up for the MONEY CLIP!! Red Shoes returns, Evil endures, and Okada keeps Evil away from ropes with a back2backbreaker! MONEY CLIP AGAIN! Evil is in the middle of the ring as he starts to fade again! Red Shoes checks on Evil as he’s turning red again! Evil finds a third wind and he reaches, but Okada clamps on tighter! Evil tries one more time and gets a ropebreak!

Okada lets go and both men are down again. Fans rally up for Okada again as he has Evil’s wrist. Okada drags Evil up, and reels him in for a LARIAT! Okada drags Evil up again, but Evil LARIATS! Okada swings but into Evil spins him to a HALF ‘N’ HALF! Both men slowly rise, and Evil runs, to LARIAT Okada inside-out! Cover, TWO!?!? Okada survives and Evil can’t believe it! Fans rally up again but Evil rises first. Evil staggers over, slashes his throat and stands Okada up. Evil spins him but Okada denies the STO again! Evil still tries but Okada spins. Evil avoids the discus, but Okada tries to steal Everything! Evil denies that, and tries to steal the Rainmaker lariat!

Okada denies that but he swings into Evil’s clinch! Okada denies the STO again! Okada gut wrenches Evil, for a SIT-OUT TOMBSTONE!! Okada brings Evil up, ripcords, TRUE RAINMAKER!!! Cover, Okada wins!!

Winner: Kazuchika Okada, by pinfall

The tried and true finisher finishes Evil! This won’t be the end of things, but has Evil learned a little of why Okada is still on a whole different level? After catching his breath, Okada gets the mic. He gets fans to clap-clap-clap, clap-clap-clap, clap-clap clap-clap clap-clap-clap. “OSAKA-JOOOOO~! If I can speak frankly, that felt damn good!” Okada apologizes to the fans for “having to put up with more of Bullet Club’s crap tonight.” But by taking care of business, Okada is sure we’re all satisfied. Okada says there’s something still bothering him, though. “Well, I should just put it out there, huh? It’s about time I get back to that IWGP Heavyweight title!”

Okada knows that as a responsible adult, he should follow proper protocol. So that starts with winning the 2021 New Japan Cup! After doing that, he’ll be back where he belongs. But he’s sure they’re all thinking that the double title thing is getting boring. If Okada were to poll Osaka, they’d say that the one who has to save the titles is him! So he’ll win the NJ Cup, take back the IWGP Heavyweight Championship, and make it rain again! Fans like the sound of that! Okada knows while the fans couldn’t chant and shout, he knows they were giving it their all to support the wrestlers, and thanks them for it! The wrestlers will do their best all over again tomorrow for night two! Until then, good night!

The Rainmaker has made it known where he wants to be, but will that only make the road back that much harder? Will Tetsuya Naito make it a bit easier by taking the IWGP Intercontinental Championship back on night two?


My Thoughts:

A very good event for NJPW to begin this weekend, but it also felt like a last-minute go-home for tomorrow’s event, as well as the New Japan Cup. The opening Six Man was good, and the United Empire wins so Khan has some momentum, but it was good math that neither he or Tanahashi were involved in the finish. That way, the NEVER Openweight Championship match could go either way. Tanahashi really only just got that belt, though, so I’m leaning towards him retaining. Ospreay & Cobb will still face Kojima & Tenzan, but that will probably go the Empire’s way like tonight did.

In similar fashion, it was good math for Goto-Hashi and GoD to split the difference. I like that Goto didn’t just win, he won in such a sudden turnaround. But with it being 50-50 here, I’m thinking GoD retain the tag titles and we wait to see if another team moves up to challenge them. Yano VS Chase was a good match, a lot of good antics from Yano, but Yano felt like a natural choice to win here. It might be awhile before someone wins and takes the KOPW 2021 trophy, but it definitely has to be in something really ridiculous.

White VS Ishii was a very good match, maybe a little long, but the slug fest nature of it and Ishii enduring bad ribs made it work. As did another fast exchange finish with White going over. White is definitely going into the NJCUP strong. Okada VS Evil was very similar, a long but storied match that turned out very well. As I said before, Okada trying to focus on the Money Clip works as a way of extending his career, but I also like this new element that when things get difficult, he can always bust out the Rainmaker lariat. Okada declares his NJCUP intentions, but that in itself could signal he doesn’t win it all, and puts someone else over. At this point, I feel like Sanada doesn’t even need to declare to be considered a favorite. Sanada’s already had great matches with Okada, Naito and Ibushi, maybe one more time is the charm for him to join the upper tier.

My Score: 9/10


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Andrew’s NJPW Castle Attack Results & Match Ratings: 2.27.21

Castle Attack is a two day event, with this first one having top tier talent; but no championship stakes. Does that hurt the show? 

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Castle Attack is a two day event, with this first one having top tier talent; but no championship stakes. Does that hurt the show?

Kazuchika Okada finally gets his hands on EVIL, Jay White gets his “get right match” against Ishii after the last month of issues, and just generally a lot of feud building. The obvious thread is all of the CHAOS versus Bullet Club going on, but I don’t think any of us are excited for Tanga Loa and YOSHI-HASHI.

We also have The United Empire kicking things off to help give Great O-Khan more momentum going into his match against Hiroshi Tanahashi.

Even if the card seems a little flat, maybe we get surprised?

Ratings:

  • The United Empire (Will Ospreay, Jeff Cobb & Great O-Khan) vs TenCozy (Hiroyoshi Tenzan & Satoshi Kojima) & Hiroshi Tanahashi: Ospreay wins via Oscutter @10:22 – * ½
  • Tanga Loa w/Jado vs YOSHI-HASHI: Loa wins via Ape Shit @12:58 – (-*)
  • Tama Tonga vs Hirooki Goto: Goto wins via GTR @6:39 – ** ¼
  • KOPW 2021 Trophy: YTR Strap Match: Toru Yano (c) vs Chase Owens: Yano retains @12:50 – ** ½
  • Jay White vs Tomohiro Ishii: White wins via Blade Runner @25:42 – ****
  • Kazuchika Okada vs EVIL w/Dick Togo: Okada wins via Rainmaker @28:11 – *** ¼

 

Results:

The United Empire (Will Ospreay, Jeff Cobb & Great O-Khan) vs TenCozy (Hiroyoshi Tenzan & Satoshi Kojima) & Hiroshi Tanahashi

So we saw a lot of dynamics that we’ve grown to expect. Tenzan struggles to not use the Mongolian Chops, O-Khan continues to prove himself a credible enough threat to Tanahashi, but this was a sloppy match. Between an early awkward exchange that made it seem like O-Khan didn’t know how to sell Kojima’s flurry, Ospreay slipped on the rope when he was coming in toward the end; even though he kinda saved it, it was obviously screwed up.

Interactions were clumsy, the match never got exciting and really just did what these kind of matches usually do, but not even as well as most Young Lions.

Tanga Loa w/Jado vs YOSHI-HASHI

Welp, this match was straight garbage. The sad thing about this match was that Loa did a pretty solid job at trying to vocally antagonize HASHI and keep things interesting, but HASHI was in slow motion. HASHI would visibly confirm things too much, his moves were bad, kept trying to rally the crowd but they didn’t respond; so there were a ton of times he waited a beat to see if the crowd would ever come alive, and they never really did.

Tanga Loa was his usual self with better verbal interactions. He kept trying to get HASHI to fight and prove what he had instead of cursing, but HASHI just fell into the waste of space mannerisms he was known for 99% of his career. He should go back to Loose Explosion on his tights, because he is the drizzling shits.

So Tama comes out to distract Hashi allowing for Loa to turn the situation and hit Ape Shit. Bullet Club beatdown ensues, Goto runs out, clears out Loa…and the referee decides to just start the match since Goto and Tama were supposed to wrestle anyway!

Tama Tonga vs Hirooki Goto

A quick start is stifled by the malaise that is known as Castle Attack so far. Tama dumps out Goto, Goto starts reviewing his life choices and why he’s here today, and then spends enough time on the outside to build a bird house before Jado eventually limps over and hits him with a kendo stick shot. Like…why? Goto saw it coming. Stevie Wonder saw it coming. The terrible decisions of YOSHI-HASHI have polluted Goto’s mind as well!

When things get back into the ring, at least Tama and Goto are good wrestlers. Tama hits the Tongan Twist and Veleno, but a missed Stinger Splash and countered Gun Stun gave Goto some space. Tama tried for Gun Stun again, but he got caught, Goto throws him on his shoulders Ushigoroshi style, but drops him into the GTR and lands it! So a surprising GTR gives Goto a victory from the jaws of defeat, and at least the in-ring action was serviceable enough to get the highest rating of the show so far.

I really hope the back half blows my socks off, because this is sad so far.

KOPW 2021 Trophy: YTR Strap Match: Toru Yano (c) vs Chase Owens

Now the gimmick here is instead of touch the 4 corner pads, you have to remove the 4 corner pads. So it seems like the person to remove the last pad, will be the winner.

We get a mostly expected Yano gimmick match. He made small references to his earlier gimmick of being a cheating, violent, always disqualified heel; when he started whipping Chase early and being more aggressive than we usually see. But Chase was clever using the outside to a great advantage. Yano was forced to go after Chase because Chase was going to take the pads off from outside, and then used Yano’s momentum against him by ramming him into posts and barricades.

The last pad was solid comedy where both took turns knocking the other out, too far from the last pad. So we had some goofy “drag the dead body” spots. Chase nearly had things won until Yano came to, pulled him close for Oni Koroshi! Yano makes it to the corner, takes it off and the God of all KOPW continues!

Jay White vs Tomohiro Ishii

Ishii has had White’s number lately, and just added to the broken status of his mental health after the Wrestle Kingdom loss. Within the first minute or so, Jay looked to have tweaked his hamstring, and that added an interesting layer to his early attack. But much like the strategic genius that he is, he lays Ishii over the barricade, and Ishii starts selling a rib injury.

Everything in this match mattered, the leg and ribs came back to play into aspects of the finishing sequence. Ishii was slow transitioning between some of his power moves since he was hampered with the rib injury, and Jay got caught a bit more than usual because his quickness was taken away.

A huge Avalanche Brainbuster after a Jumping Headbutt nearly gave Ishii the win, but a slow cover as he wanted the high stack, kept Jay alive. They fight back and forth, then we get a great counter wrestling sequence to finish the match. Ishii slips suplexes and Blade Runners, Jay slips the Brainbuster and eats a strike. It was up, down, back and forth, just hard to call until Jay finally slips a hold and catches Ishii with Blade Runner for the win!

THANK GOD we got a match worth watching! Great pacing, solid story, this is something to watch.

Kazuchika Okada vs EVIL w/Dick Togo

Ugh, okay so we know what we get with EVIL any more right? Okada tried to eliminate Dick Togo early when he hit Double DDTs on the ramp, but then the trek back to the ring was awkward. Okada bringing EVIL back to the ring, was a microcosm of the match, where it was just very slowly paced, inactive and not a good idea.

Part of the point in this match was for Okada to finally get closure on EVIL beating him during last year’s New Japan Cup; but he wanted to drag out the old aggressive EVIL. EVIL fired up late, and the crowd responded excitedly expecting something good, but it was short lived. Plus, we have Okada being a complete moron. He was shoved into Red Shoes, fights off Dick and lays EVIL out and goes for the stupid Money Clip. He goes for a submission after he was driven into the referee. This is a gap in logic so embarrassing, just so Dick could interfere again with the garrote.

All the garrote did was possibly foreshadow when Okada Tombstoned Dick, and then had a moment where he considered using the weapon. This is either a throw away for Okada to continue to be the Golden Boy, or it’s a hint that darker things are on the horizon for Okada.

Either way, Fire/Thunder Driver lead to the Rainmaker again, and we’re finally at a point where Okada is beating people with the move that started it all! No more Money Clip! It looks bad and it’s just sad.

 

Overall Score: 4.25/10

At least we got one match really worth watching out of this show. Jay White versus Tomohiro Ishii is truly the only thing to watch from this whole show.

I don’t know how some people didn’t find the YOSHI-HASHI embarrassing, but it completely was. The opener was sloppy to the point of uselessness. Tama and Goto was just flat given how the story was being told. Then we’ve got the gimmicky goofball match being a highlight before the semi-main and main events. I’ve seen more salient card structure and match booking from Dragon Gate during the waning days of ANTIAS.

Tomorrow has to be better because if it’s worse, then I think 2015 TNA would be happy to know they aren’t the bottom of the barrel anymore. This show was so embarrassing I think I’m just gonna end the article with the hockey coach from Letterkenny:

via GIPHY


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