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Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu Results & Report! (1/24/21)

The Bracket of Wisdom is next!

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HPW Triforce Tournament Quarterfinals

The Legend of Zelda: The Ring of Destiny, Chapter 11, continued

The Bracket of Power had its opening round, now it’s time for the Bracket of Wisdom! Who will become HPW’s new Triforce of Wisdom?

OFFICIAL RESULTS

  • Zelda VS Riju w/ The Desert Flowers; Zelda wins.
  • Bracket of Wisdom: Osphala VS Stal-Kid; Osphala wins and advances.
  • Bracket of Wisdom: Hilda VS Master Kohga; Hilda wins and advances.
  • Bracket of Wisdom: Darkhammer VS The Great Fairy; The Great Fairy wins and advances.
  • Bracket of Wisdom: Cia VS Lana; Cia wins and advances.

PLAY BY PLAY

Zelda VS Riju w/ The Desert Flowers!

The HPW Goddess Champion is not part of the Second Triforce Tournament, so someone new will take the Bracket of Wisdom without her! But can Zelda keep the little Gerudo that could from taking a shortcut to a title opportunity?

Zelda and Riju bow and shake hands to show there is respect in this match. The bell rings and the fans here at Lanayru Heights rally already as the two circle. They tie up, Zelda wrenches to a wristlock but Riju rolls. Zelda wrangles Riju down with a keylock, but Riju bridges up, rolls and spins to wrench Zelda back. Riju hits an elbow breaker, hammerlocks, but Zelda sits down and rolls to headscissors! Riju handsprings through it and fans cheer as the two stand off. Zelda and Riju fist bump again before circling again. They tie up, Zelda reels Riju in for a headlock, grinds Riju down, but Riju fights up and throws body shots. Riju powers out but Zelda runs her over.

Things speed up, Riju stays low, then hurdles, and she runs the other way to come back with a huricanrana! Zelda ends up in a corner, Riju runs in and RAMS into Zelda! Riju also goes out to the apron, enziguris Zelda away, then springboards to crossbody! Riju bounces off the cover, keeps moving, RUNNING SHOOTING STAR! Cover, TWO! Zelda bails out and catches her breath, and the Desert Flowers, Aveil and Bularia, tease the Goddess Champion for having a hard time. Zelda sarcastically smirks back then goes back in the ring, only for Riju to be there to huricanrana and cover! TWO, and Zelda SUPERKICKS Riju down! Cover, TWO!

Zelda waits on Riju as she gets up, then waistlocks Riju for a back suplex. Riju lands on her feet out of it, headlocks, hits a takeover, but Zelda headscissors. Zelda holds on tight as Riju tries to pops out. Riju moves around, hops around, headstands, and then pops out with a jackknife cover! TWO as Zelda bridges up. Zelda spins around to get Riju in a backslide, TWO! Zelda has the wrists, but Riju narrowly avoids the Light Arrow! Fans are fired up as the two stand off again, and says it was that close. The Desert Flowers coach Riju and she stays calm to reset with Zelda. Fans rally up as the two circle again.

Riju and Zelda tie up, Zelda gets around to a waistlock, Riju fights the lift to drop toehold. Riju floats to a headlock, Zelda pops out the back to get the legs and trip her. Zelda floats to get a headscissor, and she wants the figure four necklock! Riju scrambles to the ropes, the ref counts and Zelda lets go at 3. Riju is on the apron but Zelda dropkicks her off! Bularia is there to catch Riju! Bularia pops Riju back up onto the apron and Riju springboards in for a missile dropkick! Riju kips up, and uses Zelda for a step-up back senton! Cover, TWO! Riju drops another back senton! Another cover, TWO! Zelda sits up, Riju hits a BLOCKBUSTER! Cover, TWO!! Riju grows frustrated but the Desert Flowers work to talk her down.

Riju goes back to Zelda, grabs her arms and drags her towards a corner, but Zelda reaches up to headscissor her forward! Zelda keeps hold of the arms, hops forward and bridges back to hook the legs in a clutch cradle! TWO, and Riju flips Zelda over! DOUBLE STOMPS! Cover, TWO! Riju sits there in frustration, and Zelda drags her down into an IMPA LOCK!! Riju flails, gets free of the body scissors and rolls back to a cover, ONE as Zelda lets Riju go. SUPERKICK! Riju yo-yos in the ropes to LARIAT! Both women are down and fans fire up! Riju flounders to ropes, sees Zelda is only now getting up! Riju goes out to the apron, springboards back in, seated senton!

Riju keeps moving, Zelda gets up, Riju ducks and springboards again for a crossbody! Riju bounces off the cover but comes back to La Magistrol! TWO, Zelda gets an arm, throws Riju over with her legs and gets the ARMBAR! Riju flails and moves around, makes the armbar a cover, TWO! Riju comes back with a basement calf kick! Cover, TWO! Zelda is after the arms! Riju resists, reaches for ropes with a leg, but Zelda lets go of one arm to WRING the other into the mat! IMPA LOCK!! Fans and the Desert Flowers rally and shout but Riju is caught in the center of the ring!! Riju taps, Zelda wins!

Winner: Zelda, by submission

The Goddess Champion wins, denying Riju that shortcut to a title match! Zelda shows she still respects Riju by again shaking her hand and bowing to her, then raising her hand. Fans cheer both champion and would-be challenger, will Riju successfully travel down the long way to a title match as the year rolls on?

 

Osphala VS Stal-Kid!

The Gleaming Yellow Light tried to be HPW Termina Champion, but Captain Keeta caused some controversy at HyruleMania! Will Osphala get some payback through the Ikana Royal Family’s small little squire?

The bell rings, Osphala and Stal-Kid circle, approach and feel out the grapple. Stal-Kid backs off, approaches again, knuckle locks then spins to wrench. Stal-Kid wristlocks, hammerlocks, headlocks, and hits a takeover. Osphala keeps his shoulders up, Stal-Kid traps an arm and cranks on the headlock harder. Osphala reaches up with a leg but Stal-Kid shakes that off. Stal-Kid tweaks Osphala’s elven ear but the ref reprimands so he stops. Osphala pushes Stal-Kid in the face with his free forearm, but Stal-Kid cranks on the headlock again. Osphala throws knees and kicks with his leg, so Stal-Kid grabs that leg to get a lateral press. TWO, and Osphala is free. Stal-Kid backs off and the two reset.

Osphala and Stal-Kid circle and approach again, Stal-Kid gets around to waistlock. Osphala switches, Stal-Kid switches again, but Osphala switches again, too. Stal-Kid switches and slips through the ropes to be on the apron. The ref counts the ropebreak, Stal-Kid lets go at 2 and sucker punches Osphala! Stal-Kid shoulders into Osphala, slingshots up and over and sunset flips, TWO! Stal-Kid slips out before Osphala can respond, and fans jeer as Stal-Kid taunts and frustrates Osphala. The ref starts the ring count but Stal-Kid takes his time returning. Stal-Kid tells the ref to have Osphala back up, and then Stal-Kid slides in at 7, only to slide right back out.

Stal-Kid taunts Osphala and the booing fans as he goes around the way, but Osphala slides out and is right up behind him! Stal-Kid turns around and freaks out! Osphala keeps him from getting away and gives him and APRON BACK SUPLEX! Stal-Kid writhes but Osphala pushes him in and covers, TWO! Osphala keeps on Stal-Kid with an armlock, and adds on a chinbar. Stal-Kid endures, slips a hand inside and pries Osphala’s hand away. Osphala turns that into a motorcycle stretch with a knee into Stal-Kid’s back. Fans rally both ways as Stal-Kid endures, bridges and gets up. Stal-Kid arm-drags Osphala away, runs at him and tilt-o-whirl headscissors Osphala into buckles!

Osphala staggers, Stal-Kid knuckle locks, CHOPS and runs up and around the corner to arm-drag Osphala again! Osphala flounders, Stal-Kid runs up to SPIKE-RANA Osphala into a cover! TWO!! Stal-Kid grows frustrated as he watches Osphala get up. Stal-Kid stalks Osphala, waistlocks, but Osphala elbows him away hard! Osphala wrenches, wristlocks then double wristlocks! Stal-Kid moves around but Osphala rolls back to drag him down and crank on the arm! Stal-Kid endures, reaches out for ropes, and gets the ropebreak with a foot! The ref counts, Osphala lets go at 4, and he waits on Stal-Kid now.

Stal-Kid gets up, Osphala stalks him, and KICKS Stal-Kid’s leg so hard, Stal-Kid flips up and over! Fans fire up as Osphala drags Stal-Kid around, has the leg and SMASHES the knee! Osphala ties up the legs and pulls back, but Stal-Kid scrambles to avoid the Sand Castle! Osphala lets off to drag Stal-Kid from the ropes, Stal-Kid turns over and kicks Osphala away! Stal-Kid somersaults and leaps to COMPLETE SHOT Osphala down! Cover, TWO! Stal-Kid grows annoyed, but he sits Osphala up for a seated cobra twist. Osphala endures, fans rally up and Osphala fights up, only for Stal-Kid to wrangle him back down. Stal-Kid rolls this to a cover, TWO, and Stal-Kid shifts to a Fujiwara armbar!

Fans rally up more as Osphala endures again. Stal-Kid pulls on the fingers but Osphala reaches for ropes. Osphala crawls over, Stal-Kid cranks back on the arm harder, but Osphala gets the ropebreak with his fingers! The ref counts but Stal-Kid holds on until 4. Stal-Kid grows frustrated but he drags Osphala from the ropes to drop a leg on the arm. Stal-Kid tries to make it a mounted armbar but Osphala rolls him to a cover, TWO! Stal-Kid still has the arm, tries to get an omoplata, but Osphala moves around and rolls through. Osphala high stacks, TWO! Stal-Kid somersaults again but Osphala catches the leap into a fireman’s carry! USHIGOROSHI! To a ghost pin! TWO!!

Fans fire up as Stal-Kid survives, but Osphala keeps his focus. Stal-Kid flounders up, Osphala stalks up behind him and waistlocks, but Stal-Kid holds onto the ropes. The ref calls for the ropebreak, Stal-Kid holds on but so does Osphala. The ref tries to pull Osphala away, but Stal-Kid BACK HEADBUTTS him! Osphala staggers, falls, and Stal-Kid shakes out his head before hitting a STANDING SHOOTING STAR! Cover, TWO! Stal-Kid goes right to a corner and goes up to MOONSAULT! Cover, TWO!! Osphala survives and Stal-Kid grows further frustrated! Stal-Kid drags Osphala up, scoops and aims for a corner, but Osphala slips off to shove Stal-Kid into buckles!

Osphala unleashes his strike fest, and tops it up with a LARIAT! Osphala goes after the legs, turns Stal-Kid over and ties the legs up, for a SAND CASTLE! Stal-Kid endures, reaches and claws at Osphala’s face! The ref reprimands but Osphala has let Stal-Kid go already. Stal-Kid stalks Osphala, hops on and goes after Osphala’s arm! Stal-Kid tries for an Iron Octorock! Osphala stays up as he resists, RAMS Stal-Kid into more buckles, but Stal-Kid holds on! Osphala swings Stal-Kid off, reels him in for a KNEE low and hard, then crisscrosses Stal-Kid’s arms. Osphala reels him in for a facelock, suplexes, and BRAINBUSTERS!! The SAND ROD!! Cover, Osphala wins!

Winner: Osphala, by pinfall (advances to the second round)

The Sand Rod drives Stal-Kid into the dirt and buries him! Osphala is back and moving on, and we find out who he faces next round in the next match!

 

Hilda VS Master Kohga!

A prospect from the HPW Training Center is taking on the master of the Yiga Clan! Does she stand a chance of making it out of the first round?

The bell rings and Hilda circles with Kohga. They approach, feel out the grapple, and they knuckle lock. They go shoulder to shoulder with a test of strength, Hilda hooks a leg and bends Kohga back. Kohga bridges but Hilda sweeps the legs to get the cover. TWO as Kohga gets one arm up. Hilda pushes that arm down to get the cover again, TWO as Kohga brings the other arm up. Hilda pushes that arm down again, ONE as Kohga bridges! Hilda jumps up to put her weight on the bridge, but Kohga stays up! She tries again but Kohga counters with a monkey flip! Hilda ends up in a corner, Kohga runs in and monkey flips again!

Hilda flops right on her face and staggers up, checking her face. Kohga sneaks up, waistlocks and O’Conner rolls! TWO, Kohga hops right up to the corner, and he leaps to crossbody! Cover, TWO! Kohga strikes a martial arts pose as Hilda gets up in a huff and goes to ropes. Hilda hesitates while fans cheer and Kohga keeps posing. She’s a bit flustered so she bails out to compose herself. Fans jeer but Hilda takes a deep breath while fixing her hair. Hilda goes up the steel steps to the apron and steps through the ropes, into Kohga’s DYNAMIC DROPKICK! Cover, TWO! Kohga keeps cool as he watches Hilda slowly stand up, and he body scissors to roll her back to a cover, TWO!

Kohga keeps the body scissors on and he rolls and rolls and rolls Hilda around! The rolling clutch keeps rolling, rolling, rolling, rolling! Kohga finally stops for another cover, TWO! Hilda dizzily staggers around while Kohga stands up and triumphantly laughs! Hilda makes it to a corner, Kohga points a finger at her as he takes aim, and runs- Oh, he goes completely off course! Kohga falls and flops out of the ring and fans can’t help but laugh. The ref checks on him and he says he’s okay, even though he sways as he stands back up. Hilda carefully rolls under the bottom rope to go to the apron, then slowly stands up and takes aim at Kohga, for a PENALTY KICK!

Hilda steadies herself but she also gets frustrated just standing there over Kohga. She drags Kohga up, wrenches an arm to a hammerlock, then RAMS him into railing! Kohga clutches the arm, Hilda KICKS him in the shoulder, then POSTS him! Hilda then puts Kohga back in the ring, covers, TWO! Hilda is furious and she stomps Kohga on the arm! Kohga goes to the ropes and the ref backs Hilda off while fans both cheer and jeer. Hilda paces around as Kohga slowly gets up. Kohga shakes out the bad arm and circles with Hilda again. They tie up, Hilda wrenches to a wristlock and elbows away on the shoulder! Kohga drops, Hilda keeps dropping elbows, then jumps to drop a knee!

Hilda digs her knee into the shoulder and pulls on it from the wrist! Kohga endures as Hilda twists the wrist and bends the elbow. Fans rally, Kohga moves around, but Hilda shifts to trap the arm. Hilda wants the crossface but Kohga moves around more. Hilda drives elbows into Kohga’s shoulders over and over and over, then gets the crossface! Kohga endures and fans rally both ways as Hilda cranks back! Kohga keeps reaching, crawling with his legs, and gets a ropebreak with a finger! The fans are divided, the ref counts, and Hilda lets go at 4. Hilda is frustrated but works to keep her cool.

Hilda drags Kohga up, wrenches the arm, keylocks and leans on the hold. Kohga endures, fans rally up, and Kohga fights against the hold. Kohga pushes Hilda into a corner, the ref counts, and Hilda lets go at 4, only to grab the arm again and WRING Kohga into buckles! Hilda O’Conner rolls Kohga and then bridges, TWO! Kohga crawls but Hilda PENALTY KICKS the bad arm! Hilda hurries after Kohga but he scrambles out of the ring again. Hilda takes aim, slingshots and RANAS him into railing! She puts Kohga back in, goes up top, and waits for Kohga to stand to FLYING CROSSBODY! Cover, TWO! Hilda is beside herself as Kohga survives again!

Hilda stalks Kohga as he crawls again. She aims at the arm, runs in, but Kohga avoids the Penalty Kick! Kohga shoves Hilda to ropes with the good arm and sweeps the legs! BACK SENTON! Cover, TWO and Hilda gets the ghost pin! TWO, but Hilda is right on Kohga! She sits him up, ties up his legs in a figure four and hooks it with one leg, then digs the other leg’s knee into Kohga’s back! The dragon sleeper and trapped arm makes this a modified STRETCH PLUM! Fans rally both ways as Kohga endures “Her Royal Highness’ Matched Luggage,” as Hilda apparently calls it. Kohga gets his legs free, pushes back and rolls to a cover, TWO!

Kohga wrenches and whips Hilda, she holds ropes to stop herself and he runs over. Kohga blocks Hilda’s boot, but she uses the other leg to pry free and KNEE back! Hilda hits a flying-mare, then goes after Kohga, wanting to put him back in Her Royal Highness’ Matched Luggage! Kohga scrambles around, kicks Hilda from below, then kips up to PELE Hilda down! Cover, TWO, but Kohga is after a leg! GROUND DRAGON SCREW! Kohga keeps on the leg but Hilda desperately reaches out and gets the ropebreak! Kohga lets go as the ref counts and Hilda scrambles out of the ring. Hilda sits down to check her leg, but then something is being pushed out from under the ring?

It’s a literal bunch of bananas!? Hilda gets up and hobbles over to pick them up, and Kohga sees them! Hilda sees him see the bananas and an evil grin comes across her face. “This is your stash, isn’t it?!” Hilda holds the bananas up and Kohga keeps his eyes- Er, well, he wears a mask with one big eye on it, but still. As she holds the bananas to the left, and then the right, Kohga doesn’t stop staring at the bananas. He’s like a dog with a bone or something. Hilda walks backwards towards the ramp and Kohga holds his hands out as he walks forward. “You want ’em? GO GET ‘EM!!” Hilda turns and THROWS the bananas up the ramp! The bunch crash lands and breaks apart! Kohga freaks out and hurries after the bananas!

Hilda laughs as Kohga goes to the bananas and checks on them all. Hilda rolls back into the ring and lets the count begin. Kohga scrambles around to pick up the bananas that went astray and brings them back to what’s left of the bunch. The count is already 5 of 10 as he does his best to gather them up into his arms. “Why can’t I hold all these bananas?!” The count is 7 as Kohga finally heads back. It’s at 8, Kohga fumbles the bananas as he tries to get into the ring with them, and he has no choice but to leave them behind at 9! Kohga turns around into a ROLLING ELBOW! Hilda brings Kohga around, hammerlocks and DDT’s! Cover, HILDA WINS!!

Winner: Hilda, by pinfall (advances to the second round)

The Yiga Clan master loses to the rookie?! This is surely THE bracket buster of the entire tournament! Will Hilda be able to pull of another shocker in the second round against Osphala?

 

Darkhammer VS The Great Fairy!

You might not think one of the Doom Bringers’ and Bracket of Wisdom as going together, but perhaps the armored Lizalfos will surprise you as he surprises his legendary opponent! Will Darkhammer prove brains and brawn can exist in one body?

The bell rings, Hammer and Fairy circle and fans rally up. They approach, feel out the grapple, and then Hammer spins to sweep the legs with his tail! SPLASH! Cover, TWO! Fairy scrambles away but Hammer slithers after her to the corner. Fairy slips out of the ring, Hammer waits at the ropes and watches her closely. Fairy slowly gets back in the ring, staring Hammer down, and the two stand up again. They tie up, Hammer wrenches an arm to a wristlock. Fairy rolls, spins, wrenches back to a wristlock, but Hammer spins and sweeps with his tail again! But Fairy kips back up and still has the wristlock!

Fairy shifts to a hammerlock, they go around, and Fairy STOMPS Hammer’s tail! The ref reprimands and Fairy “apologizes,” but then she ENZIGURIS Hammer down! Fairy gets an arm, La Magistrol, TWO! Fairy grabs Hammer’s tail and drags him from the ropes, and puts the tail into the Half Sand Crab? Hammer endures and reaches for ropes, Fairy sits deep on the hold, but Hammer crawls over and gets the ropebreak! Fairy lets go at the count of 3 and Hammer clutches his tail. Hammer gets up in a huff and storms after Fairy. They tie up and Hammer powers Fairy to a corner! The ref counts, Hammer lets off at 3, and he CHOPS Fairy down!

Hammer stomps a mudhole into Fairy, the ref counts and he lets off at 4. Hammer digs his boot into Fairy, the ref counts and Hammer lets off to argue with the ref. But the ref doesn’t see Hammer using his tail to slap Fairy! And again! Fairy trips Hammer up and grabs his tail again, for a… Tail Bar? Tail Hook? Point is, she’s pulling on his tail! Hammer flails and reaches around, and he scoots back, and Fairy herself is in the ropes! The ref counts for a ropebreak, Fairy lets go at 4. Hammer staggers up, Fairy rolls up the corner to the top rope! Hammer turns around and Fairy leaps to crossbody! Cover, TWO! Fairy comes right back with a SLIDING COMPLETE SHOT! Cover, TWO!

Fairy keeps her focus as Hammer gets up. Fairy gets an arm, wrenches, hits an elbow breaker, then whips Hammer, but Hammer reverses and breaks free to ROCK her with a right! Hammer whips Fairy to a corner, but she goes up and over, and grabs Hammer’s tail again! Hammer uses that to whip Fairy into the corner! Fairy bounces off buckles and into Hammer’s BIG back suplex! Both wrestlers are down and fans rally up. Hammer is up first, drags Fairy back up and fireman’s carry. Fairy fights out with elbows and slips to DDT Hammer down! Fairy then shifts to a body scissor and roll to a cover, TWO!

Fairy grows a bit frustrated and she goes back to Hammer’s tail! She pulls on it, Hammer turns over and kicks at Fairy. Fairy staggers, Hammer rolls back up to his feet and runs in and RAMS Fairy to a corner! Hammer rams his shoulder in again and again, the ref counts and Hammer lets off at 3 to run side to side and forearm smash! Then he goes side to side the other way and forearm smashes again! Hammer goes corner to corner but Fairy gets around him and rolls him up, TWO! Hammer CLOBBERS Fairy with a full body attack! Hammer roars and fans fire up, he drags Fairy up and suplexes! He holds Fairy up for 10 before hitting a gourd buster! Fairy sits up, Hammer BASEMENT SPLASHES! Cover, TWO!

Hammer grows frustrated and he drags Fairy up again. He fireman’s carries Fairy and goes to a corner! Hammer climbs up, and fans anticipate what he’s after. Fairy does and she fights out of the fireman’s carry! Fairy ENZIGURIS Hammer, he wobbles on the rope, and Fairy goes to the apron. Fairy springboards and gets Hammer for a BLOCKBUSTER! Cover, The Great Fairy wins!

Winner: The Great Fairy, by pinfall (advances to the second round)

The icon has fans cheering, “You Still Got It!” Fairy waves and blows kisses to the fans, but will she still have it in the second round?

 

Cia VS Lana!

The Dark Forces’ sorceress has a path to the top title in Hyrule, but she must go through her own sister to do it! Will Cia ruin Lana’s debut while also taking a step closer to her own glory?

The sisters stare down from the moment Lana makes her first entrance as an HPW wrestler. Lana gets in the ring, she and Cia get face to face and stare down more. The ref wants the sisters to go to opposite corners but neither moves. The ref isn’t sure what to do, so he just signals for the bell. The bell rings, and the sisters fire off furious fists! Fans are fired up as the two go around the ring throwing those haymakers! Lana gets the edge, clubs and hammers away on Cia’s back, then goes to run, but Cia grabs Lana’s hair and throws her down by it! Cia stomps Lana, KICKS her to ropes, then stomps and kicks Lana out of the ring.

Fans boo as Cia goes out and shoves Lana into railing! Cia grabs Lana’s hair again and pulls her around the way. The ref reprimands and fans boo but Cia just shouts at Lana, “WHO AIN’T SHIT NOW?!” Cia whips Lana HARD into more railing! Lana falls to the floor in a heap and Cia takes a moment to compose herself. Cia has a smug smile and laugh as she swaggers over to where her sister is crawling. The ref’s ring count is 5, Cia mocks the fans booing her, then she drags Lana back up to put in the ring. Cia looms over Lana as she crawls again, then drops an elbow onto her back! Cia traps an arm, and grins as she takes her time putting on the crossface.

But Lana grabs at Cia’s hand and pulls on a finger! Cia screams in pain and tries to stop Lana from pulling but Lana pushes back to get a cover! TWO, Lana is free, and she dropkicks Cia down! And again! Cia flounders, Lana runs and calf kicks! Lana handsprings to the corner, takes a moment to steady herself, and jumps up to the top rope to MOONSAULT! Cover, TWO! Lana was so excited to have hit the move but now she’s disappointed. Lana focuses and fires herself up, grabs Cia, but Cia drags her into a cradle! TWO, Cia hits a CODE BREAKER! Cia jackknife covers, TWO! Fans rally up while Cia grows annoyed.

Cia paces while she watches Lana slowly get up. Lana leans on the ropes as Cia talks trash. “This is the big leagues, little sister. You’re not ready for this. Just go back home!” Cia points out of the ring and to the ramp. Lana looks emotional, and then she SLAPS Cia! Cia is furious but Lana SLAPS her again! Lana waistlocks Cia, mat slams her and floats around to get a facelock. Lana pulls on the facelock, wanting a grovit! Cia scrambles around, throwing fists into Lana’s ribs. Lana clubs and hammers back and the two start scrapping on the mat! Cia pulls Lana’s hair, the ref reprimands, but Lana KICKS Cia in the legs!

Lana gets her hair free and she has both Cia’s legs to STOMP her in the stomach! Lana laces up Cia’s legs and turns her over for a SHARPSHOOTER! Fans fire up as Cia now has to endure a submission! Cia flails and reaches around, claws her way towards ropes, but Lana sits deep on the hold! Cia keeps crawling, reaching, and she gets the ropebreak! Lana lets go right away and sits down to rest her own legs. Lana kicks at Cia while they’re both on the mat! Cia kicks back and the two sisters glare at each other. Lana kicks Cia in the shoulder but Cia kicks Lana in the shoulder back. The kicks go back and forth, faster and faster, harder and harder, and fans fire up!

Lana blocks a kick and heel hooks! Cia grabs at the ropes but Lana gets up and drags her away! Lana tries to turn Cia back over but Cia kicks with her free leg! Lana grabs that leg but that means letting go of the other one! Cia kicks Lana in the shoulder over and over, Lana lets go and staggers away again. Cia somersaults, CODE- No! Lana blocks the Code Breaker, tosses Cia and SCREW HIGH KICKS her down! Cover, TWO, to an ARMBAR! Fans fire up as Cia clasps hands to resist. Cia moves around, Lana pries at the hands, but Cia gets the ropebreak! Lana holds on until 4, then dropkicks Cia out of the ring!

Lana hurries out after Cia, Cia pushes her and goes around the way. Lana chases after, CLUBS Cia and POSTS her! Cia crawls, clutching her arm, and she begs Lana for mercy! After all, they’re sisters! Lana just stomps away on Cia at the railing! The ref starts a ring count, Lana digs her boot into Cia at the railing, then lets off so she can stomp Cia more. Lana is seething, but she hears the ring count passes 5. She drags Cia up and puts her in the ring. Lana stalks Cia as Cia gets up. Cia looks past Lana and shouts, “NOW, WIZ!” Lana turns around, but Wizzro isn’t there! Cia hits a BACKSTABBER! And flips her over to the BLACK MAGIC CROSSFACE!!

Lana flails, reaches, but she’s caught in the middle of the ring and Cia cranks back even harder! Fans rally and Lana reaches with her free arm, but Cia manages to grab that and bring it in to add a cobra clutch to the crossface!! Lana verbally quits, Cia wins!!

Winner: Cia, by submission (advances to the second round)

The Dark Sorceress used the mere reputation of the Dark Forces to her advantage! Cia cheats her own sister just to win and move to the next round! Will she be able to do the same to The Great Fairy?


My Thoughts:

Obviously Zelda was winning the non-title match, but I hope I gave Riju a good showing against her. And I hope everyone appreciates the Spaceballs reference in Hilda’s moveset. The stretch plum I gave her is based off of NJPW’s Taichi’s Seiteijyujiryou, and the naming was a little bit of the Perry Saturn “Moss-Covered Three-Handled Family Gradunza,” as well. The one match I was torn on how to finish was actually Darkhammer VS Great Fairy. I thought Hammer could advance but then I also thought, “How is the winner of Cia VS Lana going to get past him?” And now, I think Cia VS Great Fairy is going to make a better match in the second round anyway.


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Bandwagon Nerds #69: The 90’s Project pt. 5: Action Movies

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Bandwagon Nerds #69: The 90's Project pt. 5: Action Movies

Explosions! Car chases! Thrills!  Action/Adventure Films take over the Bandwagon in this week’s edition of the 90s project.  Christopher Platt makes his triumphant return to the Bandwagon as the Nerds discuss the season(series?) finale.  Was it all the fellas could have hoped for, or did the show fall short of expectations?  And, what does it mean for the next Phases of the MCU?  Plus, the Nerds give their recommendations of the best new streaming content to watch from this weekend.

  • @WrestlngRealist
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BWN Nerds’ Movie Review: Kong: Skull Island (2017)

The Nerds are back to a more normal format for this review! German Judge Patrcik O’Dowd returns to help Dave and guest reviewer Rey Cash on Kong: Skull Island (2017)!

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Welcome to this week’s edition of the Nerd Review!  Every week the Nerds give you their take on a different classic from the Nerdosphere.  This week Dave and Patrick and, making his Nerd review debut, Rey Cash review 2017’s Kong: Skull Island!!

The Flick:  Kong: Skull Island

What’s it About:  A team of researchers receive a grant from the government in the wake of the Vietnam war to explore a mysterious island discovered in the Pacific Ocean.  Upon arrival to Skull Island, the team finds a lush paradise teeming with life…and a dangerous secret.

Metacritic Score: 62

The Nerds’ Take on Kong: Skull Island (2017):

Patrick:  Oh my, it is good to be back!  I hope you all missed me as much as I missed writing these reviews.  Last week, Dave kicked off our Kaiju run to Godzilla vs. Kong with his review of 2014’s Godzilla.  This week, we tackle the other half of the Kaiju showdown with a review of 2017’s Kong: Skull Island.  I gotta say, I picked the right movie for my triumphant return.

The first rule of any good Kaiju movie is that the human characters are completely secondary to the film itself.  The movie is all about the monsters.  Forty-Five minutes into the film, Kong: Skull Island completely embraces this philosophy.  The story follows a familiar arc to those familiar with the character.  In this iteration, a pair of “geologists” convince a senator to fund a research expedition to an uncharted island in the Pacific.  The pair secure their funding, a military escort, and hire a retired SAS agent to act as a guide.  Along the way, the group is joined by a photographer and a second research team.  Of course, upon the group’s arrival to the island it is revealed that the geologists are monster hunters who have been looking for proof that giant creatures exist.  And boy, do they ever.  As the team sets off seismic charges (explosives) disrupting the life on the island, Kong emerges and wipes out most of the team.  However, nothing is what it appears and as the survivors delve deeper into the island, they learn the truth behind Kong and Skull Island.

I am sure Dave will give a much more detailed plot description, so I’m just going to dive into the good.  Monster fights.  Loads and loads of monster fights.  Once we get past the ho-hum exposition of who the human characters are and get to the island, we get scene after scene of Kaiju attacking, roaring and dominating our senses.  The special effects are terrific, especially the work done to bring Kong to life.  He’ terrifying and for a CGI character really carries a commanding presence.  And then there are the monster battles.  Again, the special effects team really outdid themselves.  The climactic battle between Kong and the largest of the Skull Crawlers is truly epic in scope and feel.  My only regret is that I didn’t catch this movie on an IMAX screen.  I imagine the experience would have been even more magnificent than it was on my tiny television.

The cast is loaded with talent.  Tom Hiddleston plays Conrad, the former SAS operative hired as a guide for the team.  He’s clearly cinched in as the human protagonist and the rational member of the group.  Brie Larson plays an antiwar photographer Mason Weaver, in a role that can best be described as minimal.  She’s a part of the team, but outside being a sounding board for Conrad and the maiden to be rescued by Kong, she doesn’t do much else.  Samuel L. Jackson is cast as Colonel Preston Packard, the commanding officer of the US Military escort driven mad with a desire to stop at nothing to kill Kong.  A tropey character type for sure, but necessary.  For me though the performance of the film comes from John C. Reilly.  Reilly plays Marlow, a soldier who crash landed on the island during the 1940s, yet managed to survive by endearing himself to indigenous people on the island.  He provides the audience with much needed plot points regarding the island and, more importantly, the creatures therein.  Reilly’s Marlow is quirky, but not too funny, and very relatable as a man who just wants to go back home and have a hot dog.

I really, really enjoyed this iteration of the Kong Story.  As is typical for the character, Kong is the hero of the tail whereas man is the threat.  This idea is even more pronounced in this film as it is the expedition team’s destruction of the island prompts Kong’s hostilities.  While the human characters are the audience’s anchor to the story, Kong is the star.  This film was a lot of fun and I really enjoyed it.  Totally worth the two hour run time to watch.

Patrick’s Rating: 4.29/5.0

Dave After my somewhat tepid review of Godzilla last week, I went into this week’s assignment with somewhat low expectations. I had never seen Kong: Skull Island before and had heard mixed things about it. After watching it though, I can say this: It is a monstrous improvement over Godzilla (pun intended) and sets the stage for Legendary’s MonsterVerse much more effectively than Godzilla did.

Usually, I save a discussion of the cast for the end of these reviews. But for Kong: Skull Island, you almost have to address it at the beginning as it is the cast, and the chemistry they have, that sets this movie apart from Godzilla. There is a simple reason for that: We end up with a mini-MCU reunion here. Samuel L. Jackson plays Col. Packard, Tom Hiddleston plays James Conrad, and Brie Larson plays Mason Weaver. So, right off the bat, you have actors very familiar with each other (especially Jackson and Hiddleston from their portrayals as Nick Fury and Loki) and you can see how this familiarity translates into some exceptional performances that, to a certain extent, Godzilla lacked. Add in John Goodman and John C. Reilly and there was star power aplenty for this movie.

The premise of the movie is familiar to anyone who has been a King Kong fan at any point in their life. Bill Randa (Goodman) a high-ranking official with Monarch Corporation, with a lot of help from geologist Houston Brooks, convinces a US Senator (played by Richard Jenkins) to help fund an expedition to a strange island in the South Pacific, known as Skull Island. It is surrounded by a perpetual storm system, which has allowed it to elude discovery…. until now. Meanwhile, the Vietnam War is ending and Col. Packard is looking for one last assignment. He is asked to be the Military detail on Randa’s expedition to Skull Island. Conrad is hired on an as an expert tracker while Weaver comes aboard as a photographer. Once the group reaches Skull Island, they drop seismic charges to map out the island. This pisses off Kong, a 100-foot-tall ape (roughly 50 feet taller than he has been portrayed previously), who has his way with the helicopters and kills at least half of the men on those helicopters.

The survivors are spread across the island. Packard leads a group to try to get to the crash site of one of the helicopters that has weapons on board that he feels can kill Kong. Conrad and Weaver lead a different group and they stumble across the remnants of a civilization of indigenous people. Among them is Hank Marlow (Reilly). Marlow crashed on the island with a Japanese pilot named Gunpei at the very beginning of the movie and they encountered Kong. The two men were then stranded on the island for some 28 years, ever since the end of World War II. Without a war to fight, the two men become closer than brothers and are befriended by the people of Skull Island. Gunpei eventually dies leaving Marlow to only hope and pray for an eventual return to civilization. It is here that the usual Kong lore gets tilted quite a bit. Marlow explains that Kong is a god to the people and actually protects them from a subterranean race of reptilian creatures that he calls Skullcrawlers. Many of these Skullcrawlers killed off all of Kong’s species, save for him, and the natives believe that if Kong dies, an enormously large Skullcrawler that Marlow calls “The Big One” will emerge and threaten the entire planet.

This leads to some significant conflict between Packard, Conrad, Marlow, and Weaver. Packard is hell bent on killing Kong and, after the survivors are reunited, he tells them they have to go and find Chapman, one of his missing men. Chapman, meanwhile, has been devoured by a Skullcrawler. Packard leads the group into a mass grave where the skeletons of Kong’s species are located. Naturally, a pack of Skullcrawlers emerge and lay waste to much of the group. Packard remains undeterred to kill Kong but once the rest of the group learn his real intentions, they are not willing to follow. The groups split up again and Packard’s group is able to render Kong unconscious. But Conrad is able to intervene before Packard detonates explosives that will kill Kong. Unfortunately, all the activity attracts the attention of The Big One and this leads to a titanic showdown between Kong and The Big One. Based on the upcoming sequel, it is obvious who wins…. but it’s still a damn good throw down.

This movie does a lot of things right. It is fun, fast-paced, and does a great job of introducing just enough cool creatures to give Kong a good challenge without over whelming you with too many creatures. There are several characters you really care about and Jackson does a great job of making you genuinely dislike Packard, who gradually comes unhinged as the movie goes along. What I absolutely loved about the movie were the subtle tweaks it made to Kong lore. It took several well-established elements and gave them just enough of a fresh coat of paint to make the movie really stand out. This is most notable in two places. Weaver is the person who connects with Kong the most. But even though she is a female, her connection with Kong is not on the romantic or quasi-sexual nature that it was portrayed in the 1933 original, the 1976 remake, or even the 2005 reboot (a prime example of monster/creature over saturation). It is a subtle connection and it is done very well. Then there is Kong himself. In the 1933, 1976, and 2005 movies, Kong is always the misunderstood creature who dies in the end to protect the woman he loves. It is always heartbreaking, especially in 1976 and 2005. Here though, Legendary gave us what many of us wanted: Kong as the hero who survives and, obviously, lives to fight another day. I have always been a huge fan of the 1976 movie. Kong: Skull Island was almost as good.

It is, of course, not perfect. The Skullcrawlers were cool creatures, and a big step up from the MUTOs in Godzilla. But they are still not quite the perfect antagonist. Perhaps that was intentional as man has always been Kong’s most dangerous opponent. Still, something was missing from there a bit. There is some obvious romantic/sexual tension between Conrad and Weaver that never plays out that could have added an element to the story. And, similar to Bryan Cranston in Godzilla, John Goodman did not last nearly long enough. But these are really minor complaints. Kong: Skull Island is a very good movie and the true starting point for the MonsterVerse. Make sure you check out the post-credit scene that really sets the stage for Godzilla: King of the Monsters and introduces the concept that the planet has never been ours….and the monsters are about to retake it. More on that next week. As for Kong: Skull Island, this is how a reboot should be done and I highly recommend you check it out.

Dave’s Rating: 4.25/5

Rey’s Take:  As a younger guy, I’m not well versed on the history of King Kong movies.  I mean, I get it.  Big monkey in the wild scares small white people, and big monkey falls in love with cute white woman, then big monkey gets killed or captured trying to save white woman.  The story is very easy to digest and understand.  And that very reason is why I loved Kong: Skull Island.  It takes that ideal, the big monkey in the wild having an unnatural relationship with a white woman, but it flips it.  In this story, Kong is the good guy!  Kong is actually the hero!

Not only is Kong the hero, but there are actually 3 antagonists!  First off, there’s John Goodman’s government lackey Bill Randa.  Randa was so obsessed with finding Kong and the mysterious Skull Island, so much so that he knowingly put his people and the troops set to escort him in danger.  We’ve seen a number of movies where man meddling with science comes back to bite them, and this is no different.  Randa’s exuberance soon becomes his demise, as nobody was prepared for what they were dealing with.

Secondly, we have the monster antagonists of the movie – the Skullcrawlers.  As is such in a kaiju/monster movie, the beauty is in the destruction.  And oh, what glorious destruction there is between Kong and a number of giant reptilian monsters.  This fight is what leads us to find John C. Reilly’s fantastic character, Air Force Lieutenant Hank Marlow, who was stuck on Skull Island since 1944.  He’s the person that lets us know, along with the quiet and workmanlike Iwi tribe, that Kong is actually their protector and is the latest in a line of Titans that used to rule the Earth.  Important foreshadowing for a certain mega movie coming out soon, wink wink.

Finally, we have the best character in the whole movie.  Samuel L. Jackson’s Lieutenant Colonel Preston Packard is a ball as the angry army lifer who isn’t ready to give up the life and is willing to die for his cause.  His beef with Kong isn’t even rooted in logic.  He just wants to kill something.  He just wants to continue to feel like a soldier.  He essentially just wants to do his job.  And the dichotomy his brigade has between following their leader and realizing what’s actually happening in front of them is just damn good movie viewing.

Most monster movies don’t have much heart.  Ultimately, they’re big blow up movies when it comes down to it.  This movie, however, has heart in spades.  Each character has defined character motivations.  Kong goes from being the destructive villain that must be vanquished to becoming the misunderstood hero who actually does the vanquishing.  Not often that you get that much out of a movie about a big monkey.

Rey’s Rating: 4.5/5

 

Overall Nerds’ Kong: Skull Island (2017) Rating: 4.35/5.0


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