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Mitchell’s Raw Talk Report! (3/29/21)

Bro, Raw Talk will be AWESOME!

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WWE Raw Talk

No one is ready for Raw Talk!

The WWE United States Champion, Raw Women’s Champion, MC M I Z and Johnny Drip Drip are all here for some Raw Talk on the Road to WrestleMania!

 

Kevin Patrick welcomes us back to the show!

Getting ever closer to the two-night extravaganza, the greatest spectacle in sports entertainment, WrestleMania! The road is a little clearer now after Monday Night Raw. Kevin welcomes his new cohost, MVP! MVP asks when Kevin got here. Where did he go to journalism school? Dublin, Ireland. Dublin, okay. Well on to business. Kevin wants to ask MVP about The Hurt Business. The family seems fractured. No, he has it wrong. The Hurt BUSINESS, not family. They let associates go. The All Mighty WWE Champion, the Chief Hurt Officer, makes the decision. Shelton Benjamin and Cedric Alexander had their opportunities to prove themselves, and they didn’t get their jobs done, so they were given their pink slips. But that’s just business, not personal.

So severing the business connections two weeks before WrestleMania, was that a smart thing to do? Yes, all business cut the unnecessary weight. It’s good for business and the share holders. Well to be devil’s advocate, but Kevin says that Bobby Lashley challenging others to take out Drew McIntyre before WrestleMania, why do that? It’s business! It’s that simple. When Lashley is in the ring, he isn’t paid by the minute or the hour. He’s paid to win. Tactically, if a diminished and broken McIntyre makes it to Mania, that means Lashley’s job is that much easier, and he can dispense with McIntyre to then go and celebrate, as he should.

Kevin makes sure people who missed Raw are caught up here. McIntyre received the news about the All Mighty Lashley had challenged others that if they can take out McIntyre, they can get a title match. MVP says it was a business proposal. Those who can take out McIntyre before Mania could take McIntyre’s place in the title match. That was an extremely generous offer. And it happened, with Ricochet and Mustafa Ali. But when it was all said and done, the night ended with Lashley standing over McIntyre. MVP was on commentary and said he’d never seen Lashley this intense before. MVP meant that. MVP’s known Lashley for years, and he has never seen this level of intensity.

To be honest, the WWE Championship is the most treasured prize. It changes you. Once you’ve held that title, and you can ask any former WWE Champion, you never want to let it go. And it changes something in you so that you’ll keep it no matter what. But did MVP know that King Corbin was going to show up. MVP will neither confirm or deny, but he likes the “entrepreneurial spirit.” It’s never personal, always business. What about approaching Ricochet. Well there’s history there. The Hurt Business tried to recruit Ricochet, he wasn’t interested, but MVP was happy to see Ricochet was thinking like a businessman. Ricochet tried being the stalwart hero, but that’s not what this business is about. This is about the bottom line, the money you make. This isn’t about being cool, this is about being a winner.

So in MVP’s business, is it safe to say he is now recruiting again? MVP always has his eyes open for talent. They are the Hurt Business, they are always looking for talented individuals who will join them. Does MVP need eyes in the back of his head now? No, he has Lashley. That is pretty good, huh? And so, on to the outstanding episode, with phenomenal guests- Well, no, AJ Styles isn’t here, but there is Matt Riddle, Asuka, The Miz and John Morrison. Was MVP bouncing to Hey Hey, Hop Hop? No, it was garbage. Wow. Is MVP going to tell them that to their faces? Yes, he will. Then stick around through a short commercial break.

 

Matt Riddle joins Raw Talk!

The Bro is back, and Riddle is feeling fantastic. Kevin wants to ask something really quick, but MVP shuts him down. Riddle says he’ll always be the Most Valuable Player to him. MVP wants to say something, but then “doesn’t remember.” MVP is of course poking fun at how Riddle spaced out talking to Asuka during Raw. It happens, bro. But Kevin brings up Riddle being polite as he rode over on his scooter to talk with Sheamus, and then Sheamus attacks Riddle with that scooter, and then again tonight! Is Riddle feeling disrespected? Kevin took the words out of Riddle’s mouth. Sheamus is trying to get under Riddle’s skin, try to figure him out, but he can’t. Sheamus can ambush Riddle, have sweet matches with him, and Sheamus got lucky tonight.

But now they fight on the Grandest Stage of Them All, and Riddle vows to leave United States Champion. MVP says he’s disappointed. What Sheamus did wasn’t luck, it was fair and square and Riddle can’t write that off. This is Riddle being disrespectful and why he gets what he gets. Riddle brings up that he beat Lashley in the Triple Threat to get the title. MVP says Riddle did not beat Lashley, he didn’t pin Lashley. Riddle has before. Victory roll, it happened. MVP asks if Riddle has anything left of what he’s on. Kevin does note Riddle’s mouth looks a little stretched out. MVP says Riddle’s probably been stuffing down Bronutts or something. Riddle says MVP had his chance to get in on that and he skipped on it.

But is Riddle feeling okay after the “Dublin Smile?” Riddle knows Sheamus got those hooks in, very aggressive. Not legal, not even in the WWE, the ref counted, but damage is done. Riddle figures it’ll be normal back in a couple days. It’ll make for good gifs or memes or whatever the kids call them. Kevin asks if Riddle would ever consider going after Sheamus like Sheamus did. MVP points out Riddle kinda did that after the match. Riddle admits to that, that wasn’t very sporting of him. But to be fair, Sheamus attacked first when Riddle was just rolling by, talking with Titus O’Neil about the WrestleMania roast. MVP says the US Champion should hold the title with distinction and honor, but Riddle didn’t do that. That’s why MVP is disappointed.

Riddle says he’s hurt by MVP’s words. But wouldn’t MVP have done the same? He’s been champion. He never attacked someone from behind? MVP says no, but Riddle is sure there’s footage in the archive. He doesn’t have that authority here. Kevin, ask him questions. Kevin wants to ask Riddle about his bro-pack. “Save some abs for the rest of us.” Riddle doesn’t want us to be jelly of his abs. MVP says if Kevin’s into that, that’s cool. Kevin’s just admiring abs. Riddle says it’s alright to admire a bro’s abs. If MVP feels uncomfortable, no one is making him stay here. Keith thanks Riddle for his time, MVP says the pleasure was all Riddle’s. Always is, bro. Fist bump! But will the Bro still hold the gold after facing Sheamus again at WrestleMania?

 

Asuka joins Raw Talk!

The Empress of Tomorrow is feeling good, and Kevin brings up her coming match with Rhea Ripley. But why Rhea? She walks in, Asuka accepts? Asuka doesn’t want to say this, Rhea is great, but don’t you know who Asuka is? MVP does! She’s Asuka, the Raw Women’s Champion! ORA~! MVP understands Rhea wanting to step in and make a big impact, but you can’t start right at the top. Rhea is biting off more than she can chew. Asuka is pretty sure she wins and keeps the title. Then MVP offers to celebrate at Izakaya and “ikki-ikki!” Then they’ll sing karaoke or something. Asuka isn’t sure what song he’s referencing, though. Maybe they’ll go to hostess clubs, then. Gomen, gomen.

Kevin asks if he can hang out with them. They don’t even know you! Well Asuka just met Rhea and they’re going to Mania together. Kevin apologizes for bringing up Shayna Baszler. Asuka says she still has temporary teeth. Why would he disrespect the champion? A few days ago, Asuka had to have dental surgery. Yet she is here tonight, representing the most prestigious title. But then Rhea throws that table in her face! What did she do to deserve that? No idea! Rhea’s the one who accepted and then she’s so disrespectful. Asuka is so angry! Rhea calls herself the Nightmare, is Asuka having nightmares about her? No! She’s not afraid. Well Kevin had to ask. MVP says be better. Don’t disrespect the national treasure. C’mon, man! Yeah, c’mon, man! Asuka and MVP agree on that.

But Asuka is not just up against Rhea at Mania, but they’ll team up as “best friends.” No! BAKA BAAAKA! But she has to at least work with Rhea against Shayna and Nia because Rhea accepted the challenge. Baka ero! Kevin is just saying what’s happening. MVP apologizes on Kevin’s behalf. But how excited is Asuka for Mania? She is so excited to go to Mania as Raw Women’s Champion! Well MVP is correct there. This is an INTERNATIONAL treasure. It has been an honor to have her. MVP again apologizes for Kevin. Asuka accepts, and says mata ne~! But will Asuka still be champion when she shows up for Raw Talk again?

 

Raw Talk encores Hey Hey, Hop Hop, the music video.

 

The Miz and John Morrison join Raw Talk!

Wow, only 30 seconds of the video? MVP says just 30 seconds still makes it the WORST video! These two can’t rap, sing or dance worth anything! ELIAS’ music is better than their stuff! WHAT?! MVP is sipping the Haterade. Well the Great Pumpkin here, talking about haters. Hey, this is a high quality jacket! Don’t you know how much this costs? Way too much. Kevin says he’s a fan. Morrison says his haircut is now being named after him, and not even Aqua-Man is as moist as Johnny Drip Drip. BOOM! GOTTEE! Zinger for Morrison! Jump into the pool, bro! Miz says MVP is speechless! That’s what you get for messing with Peanut Butter ‘n’ Johnny!

MVP says the stupidity is what leaves him speechless. Miz says he has more titles than MVP can even count as the ONLY Two-Time Grand Slam Champion! Right, yeah, he was like, champion just a few weeks ago. What happened? Miz says that every champion eventually loses the title. But how long did Miz have it? Miz says Lashley will lose his title to McIntyre! Well, Miz was world champion for two weeks, which is two weeks longer than MVP’s ever been! BOOM! Zinger number two! MVP says it’s the same for Morrison, but they ignore that. MVP say she never got the opportunity! Every time you’re on TV is an opportunity.

But all that is besides the point. They’re talking about the garbage music video! The video that is trending worldwide? Hasn’t MVP heard the people? It is a virtual dance party! MVP won’t even dignify this with a response. Maybe MVP’s too old, hobbling around on his cane. Well, someone younger than all of them, who has had his say, Bad Bunny. What is this? Kevin is attacking them! No, he’s asking a question. He wants to give context. Miz felt disrespected that Bunny, a very talented artist, was walking into their world of wrestling. Does Bunny have the right to feel disrespected with Miz and Morrison going into his world of music?

MVP says they can definitely ask Miz if Bad Bunny has a right. That was a sucker punch! Yeah, right to his face! And do you know what Miz will do about it? He’ll settle this at WrestleMania! The Grandest Stage of Them All! And Miz will make sure Bunny understands that he must earn respect in the WWE, and he hasn’t earned anything! And trust Miz, when Miz is done with Bunny… Morrison says Miz didn’t want to say this on camera, but says that Miz wants to cut Bunny’s foot off, dip it in gold and rub it for good luck. Miz is surprised by that because that’s not what he said. But Morrison says Miz holds grudges. Miz says he wasn’t going to go that far. He doesn’t need luck, anyway!

MVP doesn’t get what Morrison is going for here. Taking someone’s foot and rubbing it? Kevin says he’s into abs, Morrison’s into feet, it’s a wild night. Morrison says if anyone knows lucky charms, it’s Kevin. Two weeks and he went there. Did Miz encourage Bunny to hit him with that? Was that a mind game? Miz says that’s not encouragement. He sees a guy like Bad Bunny, or any celebrity that comes to the WWE, he demands a level of respect. Even MVP would, despite the arguing here, MVP would agree with that. When Bunny first came here, Miz put a hand out to shake but Bunny rejected him. Miz is sick of it.

Morrison had other song ideas, Bunny never got back to them about the collaboration. They were extending an olive branch, he turned a could shoulder. Well Kevin is excited for Mania, and feels Raw Talk was disrespectful. Kevin asks the producers to play the rest of the song! Hey Hey, Hop Hop plays us off, and MVP wants to get out of here. Kevin has fun, Raw Talk fades out, see you next week!


My Thoughts:

A very good episode, and MVP was great here. Of course he doesn’t confirm or deny what’s going on with Baron Corbin, that probably hasn’t been fully sorted out yet so he can’t give an answer. I’m still thinking there’s a trade in the works so that SmackDown gets a midcarder or two post-Mania. MVP bringing up continuity with Riddle was good, and his smooth use of Japanese with Asuka was great. I like the idea that MVP and Asuka are buddies, we get very little about Asuka as a character within the WWE Universe, so at least she spends time with somebody. Miz and Morrison were great again, but they get so chaotic it’s hard to keep up with them.

Overall, I wonder if this is a sign of changing hosts for Raw Talk. Charly Caruso is apparently on her way out, hence why Kevin Patrick is here, but what about R-Truth? Is he, like Samoa Joe, just off because of COVID concerns? Will MVP or someone else be the new regular WWE Superstar co-host? I’m sure we’ll see past WrestleMania.


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News From Cook’s Corner 4.12.21: The E-S-T of the I-W-C

Cook taking the long week/weekend and assessing some fun aspects that came to the forefront! Check out the news!

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Hi, hello & welcome to News From Cook’s Corner! It’s been a bit of a weird week for me. While the rest of you are celebrating WrestleMania or the cornucopia of WM Weekend shows, I’m stuck working very long shifts at a job I’ve given notice at. So I’m a lame duck while wrestlers in Tampa are swimming in the rain like ducks. Kind of ironic, I suppose.

What that means for this column: Haven’t finished the show. Watched Night One through parts of Sunday, watched the Broken Skull Sessions with Chris Jericho since I didn’t get home in time to watch Night Two from the beginning. Kind of awkward since this is a news column getting posted the day after WrestleMania, but hell, I’ve written about stuff I haven’t been watching for decades now. Gotten really good at faking it, though my exes would disagree with that notion.

(What can I say? When you’re single for most of your life and getting older, sometimes you try to act like things are working in a relationship when they really aren’t. Fortunately I’m over all this now and am quite happy with life as a spiritual eunuch. I’m not really sure how any of this is relevant to the column, just riffing here to fill space and give you a little update on how things are going. Those who were around back in the day remember I was quite emo about the lack of female attention. Now I’ve kinda had my fill and am good with it, though my friends try to make me think I’m not. I think we’ve riffed enough now and can start with some wrestling news.)

Anywho, here’s the news!

New Announcers For Raw?

WWE likes to shake things up on multiple levels after WrestleMania most years. Sometimes that involves a change in the announce booth, and that seems to be on tap this year. WrestlingInc reported that former ESPN host Adnan Virk will be joining Raw’s announce team starting this Monday, replacing Tom Phillips on play by play. Andrew Zarian added that Corey Graves will also be moving over to Raw, replacing Samoa Joe. No word yet on if this means Graves will be working both shows, or if Joe will be moving to SmackDown, or if Joe will be moving back into the ring, or if Phillips will be moving to NXT UK, NXT India & whatever other NXT pops up in the next couple of years.

Many folks I know like to make a big deal of these things, as they feel announcers are crucial to the overall enjoyment of a show. I used to as well, but the more I watch these things the less I think that they’re that critically important to the sports or sports entertainment presentation. Sure, it’s nice to have a legend of the business, or a dynamic presence in their prime, on the microphone talking about the action. It can get the die-hards through some rough seasons, or some less than compelling in-ring action. Does it really affect viewership? I don’t think so. It’s not like Los Angeles Dodgers fans stopped following their team after Vin Scully retired. On the flip side, it’s not like the 50+ wrestling fan demographic has flocked to AEW Dynamite to listen to Jim Ross or Tony Schiavone.

It’s what the people are talking about that matters, not the people talking about it. Which a lot of us in the talking & the writing business could stand to remember from time to time.

Why did the Hurt Business break up?

It’s the question that was on everybody’s minds right after Shelton Benjamin & Cedric Alexander were sent packing by Bobby Lashley & MVP. Why split them up? It was a stable that was working pretty well together, seemingly getting over with the public in the right way, and added a lot of options to Bobby Lashley’s act as WWE Champion.

The answer seems to be the same answer behind every other decision WWE makes. Cause Vince McMahon said so. He decided that Alexander & Benjamin didn’t deserve a push, which is pretty consistent with how their runs with WWE have gone, and that was that. Really not that surprising when you think about it. Somebody talked Vince into giving them a chance, Vince didn’t see it working the way he wanted it to, and then you had King Corbin backing up Lashley for an episode of Raw.

It’s a shame for Alexander & Benjamin, but it’s not in the least bit surprising. We’ll see if somebody else can talk Vince into giving them a chance down the road. Until then, the checks will clear.

Damian Priest Barely Made It To WrestleMania

I remember finding it kind of odd when Miz vs. Bad Bunny was announced for WrestleMania. It’d been reported for months that Miz & Bad Bunny would compete in a tag team match at the show, with John Morrison & Damian Priest as their respective tag team partners. It eventually got made into that, but what was with the pause?

Turns out that Priest had a back injury and wasn’t cleared until the days leading into WrestleMania. Which is really lucky for him, as one of the points of this whole thing was to get him over. At least I think it was. Now we got everybody talking about how Bad Bunny was the best debut wrestler since Pat McAfee, which really wasn’t that long ago but now feels like it happened multiple years ago.

Don’t know what the odds are on Bunny & McAfee main eventing a future WrestleMania, but I rule nothing out these days.

Becky Lynch & Ronda Rousey Back Soon?

That’s the word according to WWE President Nick Khan, who told Colin Cowherd as such on his radio show last week. Quite the scoop for Cowherd, who was once detested by fans for making fun of Eddie Guerrero after he died & calling wrestling fans “booger-eaters”. Now, he’s got WWE executives appearing on his show. Makes me feel better about getting WWE executives on my non-existent show one of these days.

Becky teased a WrestleMania Night One return on her Twitter account, but as usual with her social media teases, nothing came of it. Dave Meltzer mentioned in the Observer that at one point there were plans to have her show up in a truck during a Bayley talk show segment, but obviously the plans for a big truck were shifted to Bad Bunny. Gotta say that it feels like a misfire not having Becky return at WrestleMania in front of the live crowd if she’s coming back anytime soon. If she’s not, no big deal, but if she’s a Night After WrestleMania surprise in the ThunderDome, it’s not the same as bringing her out in front of 25,000 people.

As for Ronda, she was rumored to be coming back for this year’s WrestleMania when it was taking place in Los Angeles. Dunno if that means she’ll be back for WrestleMania two years from now or not.

Dabba-Kato Returns

Surely you remember Dabba-Kato from his time on Raw Underground. The big fella hadn’t been seen after the end of those segments until Sunday night, where he re-debuted as Commander Azeez & helped Apollo Crews win the Intercontinental Championship. I would say this pretty much guarantees that he’ll be in line for a big push at the expense of Crews, but it’s not like the rest of Retribution has done anything since they dropped Mustafa Ali like a bad habit.

Here’s my question: The guy’s first name is Babatunde. Why don’t they just go with that? It just rolls off the tongue. No need to give him stuff like Dabba-Kato & Azeez when “Babatunde” is right there.

Mox vs. Gage?

The biggest news to develop from GCW’s Collective weekend involved Jon Moxley making a surprise appearance to confront Nick Gage after Gage re-gained GCW’s championship. Moxley had wrestled against Josh Barnett on another GCW show during the weekend, but this was the first time Moxley & Gage had crossed paths since their glory days in CZW. I don’t know if they consider their CZW days “glory days”, but it seemed like a good phrase to use there.

One expects that it’ll lead to a match between Mox & Gage for GCW, which would be a pretty big deal for them given Mox’s drawing power and the fact that Gage will be the subject of a Dark Side of the Ring episode this season, which starts next month. I also wouldn’t rule out a Nick Gage appearance in AEW, as Tony Khan is a huge fan of people from that era of CZW & AEW has seen nearly everybody else in the business not contracted by WWE make an appearance at some point this year.

That’s all I’ve got for you right now. Later this week we’ll do a Fave Five for April, maybe pick up the Top 5 Quarterbacks by Franchise gimmick where we left off, and whatever else I can think of for wherever else I can think of. Thanks for reading, and keep your stick on the ice.


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Mitchell’s Talking Smack Report! (4/10/21)

A WrestleMania edition Talking Smack!

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WWE Talking Smack

The Grandest Talking Smack of Them All!

Just hours before WrestleMania 37 starts its two night adventure, we have one last round of Talking Smack, and it’s RATED R with EDGE!

 

Kayla Braxton welcomes us back to the show!

It is the morning of WrestleMania 37, night one! Kayla’s so excited, and before we talk about tomorrow night’s Universal Championship Triple Threat, what are Paul Heyman’s thoughts about Jey Uso winning the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal? Heyman is extremely proud of #MainEventJeyUso, “the rightful winner.” Jey is a giant of talent and he proved it by winning the most prestigious annual battle royal that happens on WrestleMania Weekend. True, and yes, it is Mania Weekend. Kayla knows the real focus is on night two and the Triple Threat match, Roman Reigns VS Edge VS Daniel Bryan.

And after last night, where is Roman’s head at? Is he at his most confident? Is he worried after hearing from Edge and Bryan? Heyman seems confused by her line of questioning. He will say this, little disrespect as possible. Heyman is ready for Edge, but let’s get to it! The Rated R Superstar is tonight’s guest! Kayla says the cohost doesn’t get to do that, only she, the main host, gets to do that. Plus, Edge isn’t the first guest, he’ll be here later on. For now, we go to commercial.

 

Talking Smack returns, and Heyman speaks to us.

“It’s WrestleMania Weekend. I get a little carried away sometimes. My apologies.” Kayla makes a snide remark about the “sometimes.” But Heyman tries again. “Ladies and gentlemen, the Rated R Superstar, EDGE!” No! He’s not here yet! Maybe they should mute Heyman just in case. Kayla wants Heyman to relax, we’ve got a weekend of action to get to. Let’s talk tonight, WrestleMania Night One’s Women’s Tag Team Turmoil! Friday was extremely heated, but what does Heyman think? The Riott Squad, Mandy Rose & Dana Brooke, Tamina & Natalya, Billie Kay & Carmella, Naomi & Lana.

Heyman says you could choose anyone from this match, where they all want to be Women’s Tag Team Champions. Do any of THEM think Daniel Bryan legitimately tapped out Roman Reigns? Can we please talk about their match, not Roman’s? Heyman rants on, but Kayla says people are very excited for Tag Team Turmoil. Look at the chaos from last night! The winners of tonight’s match face Nia Jax & Shayna Baszler tomorrow night for the titles! Heyman says Kayla made a great point! Thank you, Kayla, he is now HOOKED. But with that out of the way, the RATED R SUPERSTAR-

NO. Kayla will make a deal with him. She’ll bring out Edge if he talks about one other match. They shake hands, and she brings up Cesaro VS Seth Rollins! Rollins’ return brought up issues and Cesaro was the one that voiced it. How would Heyman handle someone like Cesaro? Someone who, in Rollins’ opinion, disrespected him and his “positive” message. What would Heyman do if he were in Rollins’ shoes?

Heyman isn’t in Rollins’ shoes. He’s in Heyman shoes, as the Special Counsel to the Reigns-ing, Defending, Undisputed, Uncontroverted WWE Universal Heavyweight Champion, THE main event of WrestleMania, Roman Reigns, who will defend his title in a Triple Threat against both Edge and Daniel Bryan, where Roman has to beat either Edge or Bryan, but doesn’t have to lose to lose the title. And Heyman is supposed to talk about the King of Swing, Cesaro, and the Visionary, Rollins? They shook on it. Who will win? Can he at least say that?

The winner will be the winner. And that winner might be in line for a match with the Universal Heavyweight Champion, the winner of THE main event of WrestleMania, Roman Reigns. Kayla says it is up to her when Edge shows up. If Heyman won’t cooperate, they can drag this out all episode. Aw, is Heyman being a bad boy? Will Kayla spank him for misbehaving? Kayla wonders what else there is to talk about. Kayla is going to move things along, and Heyman is sarcastic about putting viewers first for once. They WILL have the Rated R Superstar on Talking Smack, after the break.

 

Talking Smack returns and this is the moment we’ve been waiting for.

Kayla welcomes to Talking Smack, the Rated R Superstar, one third of the main event of WrestleMania, EDGE! Edge walks right up and takes his seat, and he says hi to Kayla. Edge looks at Heyman, Heyman sits up and looks at Edge. Heyman smirks, and congratulates Edge. He offers a handshake, Edge takes it, and Heyman says he means it. This is Edge’s dream. THE main event of WrestleMania. Of course, Edge had this dream in 2020 when he shocked everyone and returned in the Royal Rumble. But who took him out of that dream? Roman Reigns. Roman eliminated Edge from the Rumble, stopped his dream dead in its track.

But to Edge’s massive credit, he spent another year working towards the dream again. And this year, with all the odds against him, Edge started the Royal Rumble, outlasted 29 other hungry participants, and his dream prevailed. Here he is, when no one ever thought he would be. WrestleMania Weekend, THE main event. Heyman offers his respect and admiration to a degree that no words can convey. Edge smiles and says “Paul E,” living dangerously out here. For weeks, Heyman has talked such an immense pile of crap about Edge, but Edge gets it. Edge is here, so it’s a different story. Edge appreciates that. Roman cuts Heyman’s checks as his hype man. Heyman’s gotta feed his kids, and Roman is the meal ticket as “Head of the Table.”

But does Heyman know what Edge does to tables? Edge is the godfather of the TLC match. He puts people through tables and obliterates them. Heyman is talking about Christians but Heyman is Jewish and Edge is Agnostic so what the hell was that about? And then he said Edge would crap his pants out of fear? But Edge can look past all of that because oddly, these two have a lot in common and a lot of people wouldn’t realize that. Edge and Heyman didn’t have a path carved for them, open to them into the industry. No, Edge and Heyman are of the same cloth. They fought to get into this industry.

Heyman faked his credentials! He snuck into Madison Square Garden so he could pick the brains “of the grand wizard, Captain Lou Albano,” and took some of the best wrestling photos in the history of this industry! Edge went to Maple Leaf Gardens, stood at the back door and waited for Demolition, Tito Santana, George “The Animal” Steele, just so he could brush up against their greatness and understand what it took to get this, his dream! Then Edge would sneak in and ask to set up chairs, just to get that close to the ring and touch the canvas and feel it! So he could feel the ropes! Any indie show that came to town, Edge set the ring up and the chairs, just to give himself two minutes in there. Just so he could feel what it was like. Edge knows Heyman understands that!

And Heyman of all people knows what Edge is about. Heyman was one of the first to give Edge a chance. Heyman knows what Edge can do “when the governor has taken off.” The SmackDown Six happened because Heyman had faith in Edge! Heyman knew Edge could have a match with Eddie Guerrero that lives on today in people’s minds! That Edge could team with Rey Mysterio and set the world on fire with possibly the greatest tag team match of all time! Heyman agrees, that is true. Edge then asks Heyman, that knowing all of this, and having such an understanding, does Heyman truly feel like Edge should have fear in him? That Roman tells Heyman the truth?

Roman came out and talked about holding it down for 30 weeks. Edge has been holding it down for 30 YEARS! Those were taken away from him for nine, and he fought with every ounce of his being, of his soul, to get back here! Edge cools off to say he appreciates Heyman, and he understands what Heyman is doing. But Edge is never, ever going to agree with him. Heyman deep down doesn’t, either. Edge sets his mic down to let that sink in, and we go to break.

 

Talking Smack returns, and Edge is still at the table.

Heyman pats Edge on the shoulder, and says Edge’s theme song has this line, “You think you know me?” Heyman does know Edge. Heyman knows he knows Edge. Heyman knows nothing is going to stop Edge, and that is what scares Heyman. That’s why now that we’re here at WrestleMania Weekend, Heyman might crap his pants. Heyman’s father taught him the story of the carrot and the stick. You dangle the carrot in front of the horse because that’s what it wants. That is the lure. Nine years, 364 days ago, Edge was forced into retirement. “My GOD, no one can write this story!” Ten years to the DAY, Edge main events WrestleMania in a Universal Championship match, the spiritual successor to the title he never lost.

And if Edge wanted to go public and show the world all the messages he received that very night, how many of his contemporaries wrote to him, “I’m so sorry. Oh my God, this is a tragedy! How awful this is! How terrible this is! I’m sorry, I wish this wasn’t happening to you.” How many? Not Heyman. Heyman can’t help but chuckle when he thinks back, because he wrote, “Great promo, kid. First day of your miraculous comeback to live out your dreams.” And Heyman didn’t hear from Edge for about two days and thought he upset Edge. Edge finally wrote back, “Paul, my dream is to main event WrestleMania. And I will live out my dream, I promise you.”

Heyman does know Edge. Heyman knew nothing would ever stop Edge from living that dream. Not a fused neck, not a number of surgeries, not the advice of doctors, not even his wife’s pleas to stay out of the ring. Heyman knew nothing could stop Edge from living out his dream. “You know what happens tomorrow night? You live out your dream. You do. And the best part of it is, everyone gets to share that moment with you. Because in front of a LIVE crowd, you will stand in the ring, in the main event of WrestleMania, and the ring announcer will say, ‘Ladies and gentlemen, one of the contenders. In this corner, the winner of the 2021 Royal Rumble, Edge!'”

And what happens next? Ding ding ding, because Edge has lived his dream. He made it to the main event, but reality will BITCH SLAP him across the face, because in another of those corners, it isn’t the carrot. That is when the horse realizes the carrot is soured. Across the ring is the stick, ROMAN REIGNS. Roman is the reality that Edge will witness when he wakes up from his dream. Here’s the problem: Heyman does know Edge. And Heyman knows that if there is a breath left in Edge’s body, nothing will stop him from becoming Universal Champion tomorrow night.

But Heyman also knows Roman Reigns, and what being Tribal Chief means to him, and what being Head of the Table means to him, and what being the End All Be All means to him, and what being WWE Universal Champion means to him. Heyman knows that if Roman has to take that last breath from Edge’s body, that’s what he’ll do. Heyman knows it’ll be a massacre. It’ll be a beating so bad, Edge needs to understand what Roman is capable of. Roman’s in his prime, at his best, and that he is merciless! It’s to the point to where when Edge gets home and tells his children what it means to go for their dreams, and then hugs them tight, he won’t be able to feel it! Roman will take that from Edge! That is how bad it’ll be.

Heyman does know Edge, and likes him, respects him, admires him, and wishes his children aspired to be like him and live out their dreams at all costs. But the price Edge is going to pay to live a dream, Heyman says that is not worth it. Heyman gives Edge a hug, and says, “I am so sorry for what Roman Reigns will do to you tomorrow night. I’m sorry.” Heyman pats Edge on the back and says he is sorry it has to end this way for Edge. Heyman wishes he could stop this, but he can’t. There’s no counsel Heyman can offer Roman that will stop him from doing what he has to do to stop Edge. Heyman takes a deep breath and sits down, but Edge gets his mic back.

Edge pats Heyman on the back and head, and is forehead to forehead as he says, “Paul. I once crawled over to make the cover in a match while my arm was turning gray and smoking and bubbling from second degree burns, with barbed wire punctures in my stomach, and thumbtacks lodged into every part of my body, AFTER diving face first into a flaming table, just to mark my territory and to show that I belong in the main event of WrestleMania. I did all of that just to show that I deserve to be in the main event of WrestleMania. So what do you think I will do, and what depths do you think I will find, when I am in the main event of WrestleMania?”

Thanks for the warning, Edge appreciates it, but Heyman knows what Edge is capable of because he sees it in Heyman’s eyes and smells it coming off of him. Edge is not normal, Heyman, and you know that. See you tomorrow, see your Tribal Chief and Bryan, and Edge will take back what is HIS. Edge backs away to storm off the set. Heyman is stunned silent, and Kayla has no idea what to say. Will there be no words come THE main event of WrestleMania Weekend?


My Thoughts:

WOW, this was an awesome episode. Only one guest in Edge, but both he and Heyman just put on a masterclass of promos. It does help that there’s a lot of history here but the passion was great, too. Heyman was great with how impatient he was, and how he kept trying to redirect to the Triple Threat, and then both he and Edge had even great emotional looks as they went through their interaction. I just knew Heyman was going to turn things from putting Edge over to burying him as he put Roman over.

They did forget Bryan is in the mix, but something makes me think that’s the point. This was “meant” to be Roman VS Edge, they still see it as such, Bryan could still be the fall guy so there’s a winner without weakening Roman or Edge. Bryan can respond just by firing off first and tearing into both guys early in the match. But Edge bringing up that insane Hardcore match with Mick Foley, and a Triple Threat being No Disqualifications by default, I almost hope things escalate to where tables, chairs, and whatever else shows up and adds to this match, as it is the biggest match and it’d fit how big they’ve been hyping it up.


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