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Mitchell’s Talking Smack Report! (3/6/21)

Ding Dong, HELLO~! Talking Smack!

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WWE Talking Smack

Talking Smack has the Role Model and royalty!

WWE is heading for the Fastlane, but DING DONG, HELLO~? There’s Talking Smack first, with Bayley, the Mysterios and APOLLOOO~!

 

Kayla Braxton welcomes us back to the show!

We’re on the Road to WrestleMania but we’re going to stop at Fastlane first! And speaking of Fastlane, we saw Daniel Bryan celebrating atop the Steel Cage after defeating Jey Uso! That’s because we will now get Bryan VS Roman at Fastlane for the Universal Championship! Does Paul Heyman have any comments? Kayla is for one proud of Bryan. Kayla congratulates her on her bias. He does have a bias, too, but that doesn’t make him wrong.

“Daniel Bryan is a very interesting human being. He has everything a man could want: he has a wonderful wife who loves him; he has healthy children who adore him; he has the WWE Universe which appreciates his unique worth ethic; and now, he has a path to the main event of WrestleMania. Everything a man could want. Except what Daniel Bryan doesn’t have is a strategy to beat Roman Reigns! That’s where Daniel Bryan comes up short.” Heyman assures us, as unique of a human and as much momentum Bryan has right now, Bryan is NOT man enough to beat Roman Reigns. He is not capable of taking Roman out of the main event of WrestleMania. All Bryan has now is “an ass-kicking at Fastlane that Roman Reigns will bestow upon him as a message to Edge.”

Ladies and gentlemen, that is not a prediction, that is a spoiler. The Tribal Chief, the sun around which the WWE Universe shall continue to orbit is the Reigns-ing, Defending, Undisputed, Uncontroverted, WWE Universal Heavyweight Champion and T H E main event of WrestleMania, Roman… Reigns…! Kayla says we’ll on the Talking Smack after Fastlane. Heyman says that shouldn’t be her comment. She asked a question, he answered it, that’s it. Stop flirting with him, he’s married! But Kayla ignores Heyman and says we have our first guest, who has her own hit talk show, DING DONG, HELLO~! It’s the longest reigning SmackDown Women’s Champion ever!

Bayley joins Talking Smack!

Heyman greets Bayley with a kiss to her hand and she swoons?! Bayley says she’ll show Kayla has it was, and kisses Kayla’s hand. Kayla just says thanks, and Bayley can’t believe it! This is why Bayley is here! She needs to improve this show! Heyman thanks Bayley for the honor of kissing her hand. Bayley thanks him for the honor of having her hand kissed. But Bayley is here because she’d love to take over. What? Well Bayley is the host of the newest and the best WWE talk show right now, and Heyman agrees. It is T H E E Best! Bayley feels she could add more flavor and entertainment, and viewership, to this show. If Kayla would like, she could be competition in the ring while Bayley joins Heyman here.

Heyman says Kayla did great on Raw Talk. From what he heard, he doesn’t watch. Bayley takes a seat and complains about the chairs. Kayla says she did like Raw Talk because at least she had a cohost who understood what it was to be a cohost. Seriously? Bayley says she went on Raw Talk when this is her show? Bayley would never do that as THE host. Heyman says, “Ding dong, Hello!” Kayla is a ding dong, and he says hi to Bayley! Kayla brings up the Sweet Tweets and how the last one was apparently sour. What was it? Well depends, was Kayla “WWESuperfan?” But Bayley is wearing her host sweater, glasses and watch, so maybe she’ll ask the questions here. Oh really? Well fine. Ask Kayla whatever you want. She can’t say she’ll answer but she’ll try. Well that doesn’t seem fair.

Bayley takes her glasses off to get serious, and she asks if Kayla was WWESuperfan, who tweeted that Ding Dong Hello is “an abomination, the worst thing you’ve ever seen in your life,” because that’s what that person said! Kayla can get in the cage and meet Bayley right here and now. Kayla confirms she is NOT WWESuperfan, but whoever they are, she applauds them. Kayla will retweet it. Oh, okay, fine then. Bayley breaks her glasses! Is she upset? No. Then will Bayley ask more questions? No, Kayla can ask. Kayla asks who Bayley would have as a guest, in the whole world, for Ding Dong Hello. The whole world? A line is forming from Jerry Seinfeld to Ellen to Wendy Williams to Ricki. Remember her? Ricki Lake! Bayley was trying to spark Kayla’s brain there. Does Kayla do homework?

Heyman says Kayla is too busy going to Raw Talk on Mondays. Well, Kayla wants to make sure Bayley knows that Twitter account, EllenDegeneres1, is not the REAL Ellen. Yes, she is aware, because THE Ellen could just text Bayley. DING DONG, Bayley’s a STAR! Kayla agrees, Bayley is a star, and Ding Dong Hello is a show. Wow, how rude. Kayla invited Bayley here! Well Bayley said she wants to take over so… Well now Bayley broke her glasses because of Kayla. Heyman apologizes on behalf of Kayla because she has no conscience. She cheats on Talking Smack with Raw Talk. He is protecting Bayley from Kayla, the “wanton pseudo-journalist who is besmirching” Bayley’s reputation.

Bayley agrees, there should be brand loyalty. That is why Bayley is the Role Model and gets the Sweet Tweets, and still runs the show! So Kayla should get off the show so Bayley can run things with Heyman! Well Kayla says not anyone can do this job, it’s not that easy. Bayley breaks what’s left of her glasses and then takes her leave. Heyman asks what’s going on with Kayla today. Kayla was just giving Bayley a chance to step up and prove she is a good host. Heyman agrees, Kayla should test Bayley in all aspects, and that includes getting into the ring.

Heyman claims that before the show started, Kayla got all snotty about Bayley and said she’d slap Bayley around in the ring. Lying is never good, Paul. Then Kayla needs to stop lying. Well this isn’t a lie, our next guests are Nigerian royalty and his royal guard!

Apollo Crews (and the Elite Guard) join Talking Smack!

Heyman asks if it is okay to shake Apollo’s hand. Apollo tells his guards it is okay, he is engaging. He and Heyman are okay. How is Heyman? He is doing great, now that he is in Apollo’s presence. Apollo thanks Heyman and asks if Kayla is happy to be in his presence, too. She is! She is very impressed with seeing Apollo’s change. How did it feel to finally introduce “the real” Apollo? It felt fantastic. This is who Apollo is and who he has been, but he’s hidden it for so long. As he said on SmackDown, Apollo was embarrassed to embrace his roots because of how he’d be made fun of by the other children. They’d call him names, not embrace him, so he couldn’t embrace his heritage.

But now, it feels good to be who he is. He loves it! He loves dominating people like he did Big E. Big E is home, and if he were smart, he’d stay home. But at the same time, Big E has something Apollo wants and that is the WWE Intercontinental Championship. Big E must come back and Apollo will hurt him again. Apollo’s birthright is to be a warrior, like the Tiiv people. Apollo will live up to his family’s greatness by taking the championship. Heyman says question asked and question answered, so next question. Kayla brings up how Apollo had chances to take the title and failed, so how- Apollo laughs and says he never failed. That loss was not a failure.

The difference is now, look at who Apollo is. Big E doesn’t want to face Apollo after seeing what Apollo is capable of. The world knows what Apollo is capable of! And Big E will learn that again. Apollo wants Heyman to relax, they are fine. Heyman says he is very impressed by everything Apollo is doing physically, strategically, and in action. Apollo says Heyman understands. Big E will understand. Does Kayla understand? Is she really hearing what he is saying? We’re just a week away from Big E’s return, and Apollo will be waiting. Then Apollo will show the world just who good, how GREAT, Apollo really is. Apollo shakes Heyman’s hand again and Heyman says he is in awe.

Kayla thanks Apollo for his time, and Apollo leaves with his guard in toe. Kayla will say that the last few times we’ve seen Apollo on Talking Smack, and Heyman’s motivational speeches have perhaps helped light that fire in Apollo. Well like most women in Heyman’s life, they don’t give him credit when it is due. But Heyman has been right about great talent for over 34 YEARS. With that credibility, Heyman assures all of us that Apollo Crews is a main-event talent. “He’s going straight to the top. Apollo Crews, 2021, will be a top tier WWE superstar, and that’s also not a prediction. That’s a spoiler.” Kayla doesn’t agree with the tactics, but she knows Apollo is someone to watch out for. But finally, a duo to watch for, it is the Mysterios!

Rey & Dominik Mysterio join Talking Smack!

Kayla thanks them for being here. Rey and Dom have found themselves in an “interesting” situation with Alpha Academy, Chad Gable & Otis. They have a target on the Mysterios, but do they know why? Heyman speaks up as someone who has known Rey for a long time. It is apparent there is a lot going on. All respect to Kayla, they don’t need to be fielding questions. Rey has something he needs to say. So with that, Heyman lets Rey take the floor. Rey says that as we all know, he has been working very hard to teach his son how to be a man. They’ve been training so hard day in and day out, in the ring, to make Dom the best version of himself.

But on the other hand, Chad Gable is “puppeteering” Otis into doing his dirty work. Chad is making Otis his BITCH! Sorry for the language, but that is the heat within Rey. Rey says it’s okay that for the past two weeks, Otis has dropped Rey and used that 300+ pounds to crush Rey’s ribs. But that fires Rey up like they wouldn’t believe. They have underestimated the Mysterios because Rey has been in the ring with some of the baddest men in the wrestling world! No matter how big, how heavy, how badass, Rey has found a way to take them down! “Chad, Otis, you have no idea the magnitude of the hurricane that’s coming your way!”

Rey says it in Spanish, too, that they have no idea what it is to face a Mysterio. But they will feel the power of the 619. With that, Talking Smack closes. Will Rey & Dom have Alpha Academy’s number?


My Thoughts:

A pretty good episode this week, though I don’t remember any of this being advertised last night on SmackDown. Bayley trying to expand as a talk show host was a funny way for her to get on Kayla’s nerves. I feel like Bayley should’ve read some of that supposed mean Tweet on SmackDown to set this up, as she could’ve said anything today and it would’ve been what it was. Maybe “WWESuperfan” continues to mean Tweet her and there’s some big reveal of who it is, but at the same time, I don’t know how that would go. Apollo had a good segment, partially reworking what he said on SmackDown, but maybe a little clumsily. Point is, Heyman got to comment that Apollo is going places, and I don’t doubt it.

The Mysterios had a good closing segment, and I like that Heyman helped set it up because of that ECW connection. Rey Mysterio here adds a great bit of heat and depth to the story that had only been told in the ring so far. As I said for the SmackDown article, I am sensing a big stakes rematch of the Mysterios VS Alpha Academy, winners go to Fastlane to face the tag team champions, which might also annoy the Street Profits.


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News From Cook’s Corner 4.12.21: The E-S-T of the I-W-C

Cook taking the long week/weekend and assessing some fun aspects that came to the forefront! Check out the news!

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Hi, hello & welcome to News From Cook’s Corner! It’s been a bit of a weird week for me. While the rest of you are celebrating WrestleMania or the cornucopia of WM Weekend shows, I’m stuck working very long shifts at a job I’ve given notice at. So I’m a lame duck while wrestlers in Tampa are swimming in the rain like ducks. Kind of ironic, I suppose.

What that means for this column: Haven’t finished the show. Watched Night One through parts of Sunday, watched the Broken Skull Sessions with Chris Jericho since I didn’t get home in time to watch Night Two from the beginning. Kind of awkward since this is a news column getting posted the day after WrestleMania, but hell, I’ve written about stuff I haven’t been watching for decades now. Gotten really good at faking it, though my exes would disagree with that notion.

(What can I say? When you’re single for most of your life and getting older, sometimes you try to act like things are working in a relationship when they really aren’t. Fortunately I’m over all this now and am quite happy with life as a spiritual eunuch. I’m not really sure how any of this is relevant to the column, just riffing here to fill space and give you a little update on how things are going. Those who were around back in the day remember I was quite emo about the lack of female attention. Now I’ve kinda had my fill and am good with it, though my friends try to make me think I’m not. I think we’ve riffed enough now and can start with some wrestling news.)

Anywho, here’s the news!

New Announcers For Raw?

WWE likes to shake things up on multiple levels after WrestleMania most years. Sometimes that involves a change in the announce booth, and that seems to be on tap this year. WrestlingInc reported that former ESPN host Adnan Virk will be joining Raw’s announce team starting this Monday, replacing Tom Phillips on play by play. Andrew Zarian added that Corey Graves will also be moving over to Raw, replacing Samoa Joe. No word yet on if this means Graves will be working both shows, or if Joe will be moving to SmackDown, or if Joe will be moving back into the ring, or if Phillips will be moving to NXT UK, NXT India & whatever other NXT pops up in the next couple of years.

Many folks I know like to make a big deal of these things, as they feel announcers are crucial to the overall enjoyment of a show. I used to as well, but the more I watch these things the less I think that they’re that critically important to the sports or sports entertainment presentation. Sure, it’s nice to have a legend of the business, or a dynamic presence in their prime, on the microphone talking about the action. It can get the die-hards through some rough seasons, or some less than compelling in-ring action. Does it really affect viewership? I don’t think so. It’s not like Los Angeles Dodgers fans stopped following their team after Vin Scully retired. On the flip side, it’s not like the 50+ wrestling fan demographic has flocked to AEW Dynamite to listen to Jim Ross or Tony Schiavone.

It’s what the people are talking about that matters, not the people talking about it. Which a lot of us in the talking & the writing business could stand to remember from time to time.

Why did the Hurt Business break up?

It’s the question that was on everybody’s minds right after Shelton Benjamin & Cedric Alexander were sent packing by Bobby Lashley & MVP. Why split them up? It was a stable that was working pretty well together, seemingly getting over with the public in the right way, and added a lot of options to Bobby Lashley’s act as WWE Champion.

The answer seems to be the same answer behind every other decision WWE makes. Cause Vince McMahon said so. He decided that Alexander & Benjamin didn’t deserve a push, which is pretty consistent with how their runs with WWE have gone, and that was that. Really not that surprising when you think about it. Somebody talked Vince into giving them a chance, Vince didn’t see it working the way he wanted it to, and then you had King Corbin backing up Lashley for an episode of Raw.

It’s a shame for Alexander & Benjamin, but it’s not in the least bit surprising. We’ll see if somebody else can talk Vince into giving them a chance down the road. Until then, the checks will clear.

Damian Priest Barely Made It To WrestleMania

I remember finding it kind of odd when Miz vs. Bad Bunny was announced for WrestleMania. It’d been reported for months that Miz & Bad Bunny would compete in a tag team match at the show, with John Morrison & Damian Priest as their respective tag team partners. It eventually got made into that, but what was with the pause?

Turns out that Priest had a back injury and wasn’t cleared until the days leading into WrestleMania. Which is really lucky for him, as one of the points of this whole thing was to get him over. At least I think it was. Now we got everybody talking about how Bad Bunny was the best debut wrestler since Pat McAfee, which really wasn’t that long ago but now feels like it happened multiple years ago.

Don’t know what the odds are on Bunny & McAfee main eventing a future WrestleMania, but I rule nothing out these days.

Becky Lynch & Ronda Rousey Back Soon?

That’s the word according to WWE President Nick Khan, who told Colin Cowherd as such on his radio show last week. Quite the scoop for Cowherd, who was once detested by fans for making fun of Eddie Guerrero after he died & calling wrestling fans “booger-eaters”. Now, he’s got WWE executives appearing on his show. Makes me feel better about getting WWE executives on my non-existent show one of these days.

Becky teased a WrestleMania Night One return on her Twitter account, but as usual with her social media teases, nothing came of it. Dave Meltzer mentioned in the Observer that at one point there were plans to have her show up in a truck during a Bayley talk show segment, but obviously the plans for a big truck were shifted to Bad Bunny. Gotta say that it feels like a misfire not having Becky return at WrestleMania in front of the live crowd if she’s coming back anytime soon. If she’s not, no big deal, but if she’s a Night After WrestleMania surprise in the ThunderDome, it’s not the same as bringing her out in front of 25,000 people.

As for Ronda, she was rumored to be coming back for this year’s WrestleMania when it was taking place in Los Angeles. Dunno if that means she’ll be back for WrestleMania two years from now or not.

Dabba-Kato Returns

Surely you remember Dabba-Kato from his time on Raw Underground. The big fella hadn’t been seen after the end of those segments until Sunday night, where he re-debuted as Commander Azeez & helped Apollo Crews win the Intercontinental Championship. I would say this pretty much guarantees that he’ll be in line for a big push at the expense of Crews, but it’s not like the rest of Retribution has done anything since they dropped Mustafa Ali like a bad habit.

Here’s my question: The guy’s first name is Babatunde. Why don’t they just go with that? It just rolls off the tongue. No need to give him stuff like Dabba-Kato & Azeez when “Babatunde” is right there.

Mox vs. Gage?

The biggest news to develop from GCW’s Collective weekend involved Jon Moxley making a surprise appearance to confront Nick Gage after Gage re-gained GCW’s championship. Moxley had wrestled against Josh Barnett on another GCW show during the weekend, but this was the first time Moxley & Gage had crossed paths since their glory days in CZW. I don’t know if they consider their CZW days “glory days”, but it seemed like a good phrase to use there.

One expects that it’ll lead to a match between Mox & Gage for GCW, which would be a pretty big deal for them given Mox’s drawing power and the fact that Gage will be the subject of a Dark Side of the Ring episode this season, which starts next month. I also wouldn’t rule out a Nick Gage appearance in AEW, as Tony Khan is a huge fan of people from that era of CZW & AEW has seen nearly everybody else in the business not contracted by WWE make an appearance at some point this year.

That’s all I’ve got for you right now. Later this week we’ll do a Fave Five for April, maybe pick up the Top 5 Quarterbacks by Franchise gimmick where we left off, and whatever else I can think of for wherever else I can think of. Thanks for reading, and keep your stick on the ice.


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Mitchell’s Talking Smack Report! (4/10/21)

A WrestleMania edition Talking Smack!

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WWE Talking Smack

The Grandest Talking Smack of Them All!

Just hours before WrestleMania 37 starts its two night adventure, we have one last round of Talking Smack, and it’s RATED R with EDGE!

 

Kayla Braxton welcomes us back to the show!

It is the morning of WrestleMania 37, night one! Kayla’s so excited, and before we talk about tomorrow night’s Universal Championship Triple Threat, what are Paul Heyman’s thoughts about Jey Uso winning the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal? Heyman is extremely proud of #MainEventJeyUso, “the rightful winner.” Jey is a giant of talent and he proved it by winning the most prestigious annual battle royal that happens on WrestleMania Weekend. True, and yes, it is Mania Weekend. Kayla knows the real focus is on night two and the Triple Threat match, Roman Reigns VS Edge VS Daniel Bryan.

And after last night, where is Roman’s head at? Is he at his most confident? Is he worried after hearing from Edge and Bryan? Heyman seems confused by her line of questioning. He will say this, little disrespect as possible. Heyman is ready for Edge, but let’s get to it! The Rated R Superstar is tonight’s guest! Kayla says the cohost doesn’t get to do that, only she, the main host, gets to do that. Plus, Edge isn’t the first guest, he’ll be here later on. For now, we go to commercial.

 

Talking Smack returns, and Heyman speaks to us.

“It’s WrestleMania Weekend. I get a little carried away sometimes. My apologies.” Kayla makes a snide remark about the “sometimes.” But Heyman tries again. “Ladies and gentlemen, the Rated R Superstar, EDGE!” No! He’s not here yet! Maybe they should mute Heyman just in case. Kayla wants Heyman to relax, we’ve got a weekend of action to get to. Let’s talk tonight, WrestleMania Night One’s Women’s Tag Team Turmoil! Friday was extremely heated, but what does Heyman think? The Riott Squad, Mandy Rose & Dana Brooke, Tamina & Natalya, Billie Kay & Carmella, Naomi & Lana.

Heyman says you could choose anyone from this match, where they all want to be Women’s Tag Team Champions. Do any of THEM think Daniel Bryan legitimately tapped out Roman Reigns? Can we please talk about their match, not Roman’s? Heyman rants on, but Kayla says people are very excited for Tag Team Turmoil. Look at the chaos from last night! The winners of tonight’s match face Nia Jax & Shayna Baszler tomorrow night for the titles! Heyman says Kayla made a great point! Thank you, Kayla, he is now HOOKED. But with that out of the way, the RATED R SUPERSTAR-

NO. Kayla will make a deal with him. She’ll bring out Edge if he talks about one other match. They shake hands, and she brings up Cesaro VS Seth Rollins! Rollins’ return brought up issues and Cesaro was the one that voiced it. How would Heyman handle someone like Cesaro? Someone who, in Rollins’ opinion, disrespected him and his “positive” message. What would Heyman do if he were in Rollins’ shoes?

Heyman isn’t in Rollins’ shoes. He’s in Heyman shoes, as the Special Counsel to the Reigns-ing, Defending, Undisputed, Uncontroverted WWE Universal Heavyweight Champion, THE main event of WrestleMania, Roman Reigns, who will defend his title in a Triple Threat against both Edge and Daniel Bryan, where Roman has to beat either Edge or Bryan, but doesn’t have to lose to lose the title. And Heyman is supposed to talk about the King of Swing, Cesaro, and the Visionary, Rollins? They shook on it. Who will win? Can he at least say that?

The winner will be the winner. And that winner might be in line for a match with the Universal Heavyweight Champion, the winner of THE main event of WrestleMania, Roman Reigns. Kayla says it is up to her when Edge shows up. If Heyman won’t cooperate, they can drag this out all episode. Aw, is Heyman being a bad boy? Will Kayla spank him for misbehaving? Kayla wonders what else there is to talk about. Kayla is going to move things along, and Heyman is sarcastic about putting viewers first for once. They WILL have the Rated R Superstar on Talking Smack, after the break.

 

Talking Smack returns and this is the moment we’ve been waiting for.

Kayla welcomes to Talking Smack, the Rated R Superstar, one third of the main event of WrestleMania, EDGE! Edge walks right up and takes his seat, and he says hi to Kayla. Edge looks at Heyman, Heyman sits up and looks at Edge. Heyman smirks, and congratulates Edge. He offers a handshake, Edge takes it, and Heyman says he means it. This is Edge’s dream. THE main event of WrestleMania. Of course, Edge had this dream in 2020 when he shocked everyone and returned in the Royal Rumble. But who took him out of that dream? Roman Reigns. Roman eliminated Edge from the Rumble, stopped his dream dead in its track.

But to Edge’s massive credit, he spent another year working towards the dream again. And this year, with all the odds against him, Edge started the Royal Rumble, outlasted 29 other hungry participants, and his dream prevailed. Here he is, when no one ever thought he would be. WrestleMania Weekend, THE main event. Heyman offers his respect and admiration to a degree that no words can convey. Edge smiles and says “Paul E,” living dangerously out here. For weeks, Heyman has talked such an immense pile of crap about Edge, but Edge gets it. Edge is here, so it’s a different story. Edge appreciates that. Roman cuts Heyman’s checks as his hype man. Heyman’s gotta feed his kids, and Roman is the meal ticket as “Head of the Table.”

But does Heyman know what Edge does to tables? Edge is the godfather of the TLC match. He puts people through tables and obliterates them. Heyman is talking about Christians but Heyman is Jewish and Edge is Agnostic so what the hell was that about? And then he said Edge would crap his pants out of fear? But Edge can look past all of that because oddly, these two have a lot in common and a lot of people wouldn’t realize that. Edge and Heyman didn’t have a path carved for them, open to them into the industry. No, Edge and Heyman are of the same cloth. They fought to get into this industry.

Heyman faked his credentials! He snuck into Madison Square Garden so he could pick the brains “of the grand wizard, Captain Lou Albano,” and took some of the best wrestling photos in the history of this industry! Edge went to Maple Leaf Gardens, stood at the back door and waited for Demolition, Tito Santana, George “The Animal” Steele, just so he could brush up against their greatness and understand what it took to get this, his dream! Then Edge would sneak in and ask to set up chairs, just to get that close to the ring and touch the canvas and feel it! So he could feel the ropes! Any indie show that came to town, Edge set the ring up and the chairs, just to give himself two minutes in there. Just so he could feel what it was like. Edge knows Heyman understands that!

And Heyman of all people knows what Edge is about. Heyman was one of the first to give Edge a chance. Heyman knows what Edge can do “when the governor has taken off.” The SmackDown Six happened because Heyman had faith in Edge! Heyman knew Edge could have a match with Eddie Guerrero that lives on today in people’s minds! That Edge could team with Rey Mysterio and set the world on fire with possibly the greatest tag team match of all time! Heyman agrees, that is true. Edge then asks Heyman, that knowing all of this, and having such an understanding, does Heyman truly feel like Edge should have fear in him? That Roman tells Heyman the truth?

Roman came out and talked about holding it down for 30 weeks. Edge has been holding it down for 30 YEARS! Those were taken away from him for nine, and he fought with every ounce of his being, of his soul, to get back here! Edge cools off to say he appreciates Heyman, and he understands what Heyman is doing. But Edge is never, ever going to agree with him. Heyman deep down doesn’t, either. Edge sets his mic down to let that sink in, and we go to break.

 

Talking Smack returns, and Edge is still at the table.

Heyman pats Edge on the shoulder, and says Edge’s theme song has this line, “You think you know me?” Heyman does know Edge. Heyman knows he knows Edge. Heyman knows nothing is going to stop Edge, and that is what scares Heyman. That’s why now that we’re here at WrestleMania Weekend, Heyman might crap his pants. Heyman’s father taught him the story of the carrot and the stick. You dangle the carrot in front of the horse because that’s what it wants. That is the lure. Nine years, 364 days ago, Edge was forced into retirement. “My GOD, no one can write this story!” Ten years to the DAY, Edge main events WrestleMania in a Universal Championship match, the spiritual successor to the title he never lost.

And if Edge wanted to go public and show the world all the messages he received that very night, how many of his contemporaries wrote to him, “I’m so sorry. Oh my God, this is a tragedy! How awful this is! How terrible this is! I’m sorry, I wish this wasn’t happening to you.” How many? Not Heyman. Heyman can’t help but chuckle when he thinks back, because he wrote, “Great promo, kid. First day of your miraculous comeback to live out your dreams.” And Heyman didn’t hear from Edge for about two days and thought he upset Edge. Edge finally wrote back, “Paul, my dream is to main event WrestleMania. And I will live out my dream, I promise you.”

Heyman does know Edge. Heyman knew nothing would ever stop Edge from living that dream. Not a fused neck, not a number of surgeries, not the advice of doctors, not even his wife’s pleas to stay out of the ring. Heyman knew nothing could stop Edge from living out his dream. “You know what happens tomorrow night? You live out your dream. You do. And the best part of it is, everyone gets to share that moment with you. Because in front of a LIVE crowd, you will stand in the ring, in the main event of WrestleMania, and the ring announcer will say, ‘Ladies and gentlemen, one of the contenders. In this corner, the winner of the 2021 Royal Rumble, Edge!'”

And what happens next? Ding ding ding, because Edge has lived his dream. He made it to the main event, but reality will BITCH SLAP him across the face, because in another of those corners, it isn’t the carrot. That is when the horse realizes the carrot is soured. Across the ring is the stick, ROMAN REIGNS. Roman is the reality that Edge will witness when he wakes up from his dream. Here’s the problem: Heyman does know Edge. And Heyman knows that if there is a breath left in Edge’s body, nothing will stop him from becoming Universal Champion tomorrow night.

But Heyman also knows Roman Reigns, and what being Tribal Chief means to him, and what being Head of the Table means to him, and what being the End All Be All means to him, and what being WWE Universal Champion means to him. Heyman knows that if Roman has to take that last breath from Edge’s body, that’s what he’ll do. Heyman knows it’ll be a massacre. It’ll be a beating so bad, Edge needs to understand what Roman is capable of. Roman’s in his prime, at his best, and that he is merciless! It’s to the point to where when Edge gets home and tells his children what it means to go for their dreams, and then hugs them tight, he won’t be able to feel it! Roman will take that from Edge! That is how bad it’ll be.

Heyman does know Edge, and likes him, respects him, admires him, and wishes his children aspired to be like him and live out their dreams at all costs. But the price Edge is going to pay to live a dream, Heyman says that is not worth it. Heyman gives Edge a hug, and says, “I am so sorry for what Roman Reigns will do to you tomorrow night. I’m sorry.” Heyman pats Edge on the back and says he is sorry it has to end this way for Edge. Heyman wishes he could stop this, but he can’t. There’s no counsel Heyman can offer Roman that will stop him from doing what he has to do to stop Edge. Heyman takes a deep breath and sits down, but Edge gets his mic back.

Edge pats Heyman on the back and head, and is forehead to forehead as he says, “Paul. I once crawled over to make the cover in a match while my arm was turning gray and smoking and bubbling from second degree burns, with barbed wire punctures in my stomach, and thumbtacks lodged into every part of my body, AFTER diving face first into a flaming table, just to mark my territory and to show that I belong in the main event of WrestleMania. I did all of that just to show that I deserve to be in the main event of WrestleMania. So what do you think I will do, and what depths do you think I will find, when I am in the main event of WrestleMania?”

Thanks for the warning, Edge appreciates it, but Heyman knows what Edge is capable of because he sees it in Heyman’s eyes and smells it coming off of him. Edge is not normal, Heyman, and you know that. See you tomorrow, see your Tribal Chief and Bryan, and Edge will take back what is HIS. Edge backs away to storm off the set. Heyman is stunned silent, and Kayla has no idea what to say. Will there be no words come THE main event of WrestleMania Weekend?


My Thoughts:

WOW, this was an awesome episode. Only one guest in Edge, but both he and Heyman just put on a masterclass of promos. It does help that there’s a lot of history here but the passion was great, too. Heyman was great with how impatient he was, and how he kept trying to redirect to the Triple Threat, and then both he and Edge had even great emotional looks as they went through their interaction. I just knew Heyman was going to turn things from putting Edge over to burying him as he put Roman over.

They did forget Bryan is in the mix, but something makes me think that’s the point. This was “meant” to be Roman VS Edge, they still see it as such, Bryan could still be the fall guy so there’s a winner without weakening Roman or Edge. Bryan can respond just by firing off first and tearing into both guys early in the match. But Edge bringing up that insane Hardcore match with Mick Foley, and a Triple Threat being No Disqualifications by default, I almost hope things escalate to where tables, chairs, and whatever else shows up and adds to this match, as it is the biggest match and it’d fit how big they’ve been hyping it up.


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