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Mitchell’s AEW Dynamite Results & Report! (11/24/21)

This is a full plate for Dynamite!

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AEW Dynamite 2021

AEW is loading up before Thanksgiving!

Before all the stuffing, turkey and pumpkin pie, AEW serves up heaping helpings of action! Cody Rhodes & Death Triangle take on Andrade, Malakai & FTR!

OFFICIAL RESULTS

  • CM Punk VS QT Marshall w/ The Factory; Punk wins.
  • Gunn Club VS Bear Country; Gunn Club wins.
  • TBS Championship Tournament Quarterfinals: Thunder Rosa VS Jamie Hayter w/ Britt Baker & Rebel; Rosa wins and advances to the semifinals.
  • Bryan Danielson VS Colt Cabana; Danielson wins.
  • 8 Man Tag: Cody Rhodes & Death Triangle VS Andrade El Idolo, Malakai Black & FTR; Andrade, Malakai & FTR win.

PLAY BY PLAY

CM Punk heads to the ring!

Chicago goes nuts as AEW opens with their hometown hero! But then MJF shows up to kill the mood. MJF of course has a mic as he goes to the ring. Fans call him an A-Hole as he gets in the ring with Punk and just smirks at him. Fans then chant for Punk, but MJF says, “Doesn’t feel so good getting interrupted, does it, Punky Brewster? Quiet frankly-” Fans now switch to chanting STFU. But frankly, Punk hurt MJF’s feelings. It was almost as bad as that time Punk quit, took his ball and went home like a little bitch. What was great, though, was #ThePipebomb. So good, legendary even. What we’d all call a great promo. The Pipebomb was probably Punk’s best moment.

But here’s the problem, bud. Every MJF moment is the best MJF moment. Cuz unlike Punk, MJF isn’t a one trick pony. Don’t get it twisted, MJF respects Punk and what he’s done, and even that he’s straightedge, Not that MJF could ever imagine a straightedge guy could look so much like a meth addict. And it must be so hard, considering if he had his face, MJF would have to down eight shots of whiskey just to look at himself. But MJF really respects how Punk handled the situation between them. Punk can pretend there wasn’t one, but there is. Punk could be asked about dream matches, would name every other wrestler except for MJF.

Punk can pretend he isn’t interested, but in reality, it’s cuz he doesn’t want none. Punk’s whole career on the stick has been big fish in a small pond, but next to MJF, Punk’s just a minnow. Punk doesn’t want to go toe to toe on the stick? Well too bad. MJF’s gonna finish Punk faster than Punk’s UFC career. MJF smiles his smug smile again while fans boo. MJF wants Punk want to check his watch. Because if Punk wants to retort, it won’t say clobbering time. It’ll say outta time. Punk can drop pipebombs all he wants, because MJF drops nukes! Punk finally does get the mic, fans fire up and MJF patiently waits.

“I’m so disappointed in you. But let’s not start there. Let’s show our guest a little bit of Chicago hospitality.” Punk likes that MJF introduced himself as a proper young man to his elder. And Punk had no idea his first name was Maxwell. He thought MJF was for “My Jealous Fan.” Punk has the time. If MJF is hung up on Punk never mentioning him during press, that was by design. The last thing Punk wanted was to feed MJF’s rotten little ego. Punk is in MJF’s head. He might even be a poster on MJF’s wall. Doesn’t change Punk’s disappointment. He’s heard about the great MJF, and then he did what no one else has been able to do: he shut up the great MJF without saying a word.

And MJF has had seven days to think of good zingers, and he came out with the lowest hanging fruit. MJF thinks he’s revolutionary when in reality, he’s just a less famous MIZ! OUCH! Okay, settle down, settle down. MJF tells “Punky” that was solid. Creative stuff. Almost what MJF wanted. In fact, “almost what I wanted,” perfectly encapsulates Punk’s AEW run so far. Maybe it’s true. “Nostalgia is a drug that cause us to misconstrue our memories, and you, my friend, are no more than nostalgia.” And guess what? Punk is right! MJF was a fan! How couldn’t he have been? In this ring, on the mic, no one could touch Punk! Punk was the best! Or so MJF thought.

Ever since Punk’s almighty return, he’s struggled to beat the easiest competition or say anything of intrigue. MJF gets a little closer and says Punk’s breath smells like sh*t. Maybe cuz he’s been kissing so much ass! He’s been kissing ass all over! MJF will do a quick impression. “It sure is great to be back here in [insert name of town]. I love being a part of [insert name of company]. Gee whiz, I sure am looking forward to my match with [insert name of opponent]. Robotic Pucker Up Punk. You’ve gone soft, man. Your hair’s going gray, and looking at your eyes, if anybody needs to GO to Sleep, it’s you, bud.”

MJF just realized! This isn’t CM Punk. This is PG Punk! What happened to the guy MJF grew up on? The renegade! The ass-kicker! The outsider! This is more like a guy preaching Hustle, Loyalty and Respect. Whoa…! Except here’s the problem, PG. We can see you! MJF can see through him! Punk claimed he came back for the younger talent, but he also claimed he’d only come back for “a boat load of money.” Punk claimed he couldn’t fix pro-wrestling from his couch, yet he stayed put on it for seven long years. Excuse after excuse not to come back. Por que? Why? Cuz he was making comic books no one read or movies no one saw?

Or is it because Punk was terrified? Punk was scared he couldn’t hang anymore, or that he couldn’t in the first place. MJF shouts down the booing fans and says he’s here to tell Punk that he should be scared. In the other company, you were a cult hero because  you were held down, should’ve been showcased as the number one. Yeah, and now here he is, has all the opportunity to prove those people right, but can he? Do the fans think Punk can do it? Chicago sure does. MJF is glad they think that now, but what about in a month? Two months? A year? Punk envies MJF. And Punk doesn’t like MJF because he represents everything in the business Punk hates.

MJF was born for this. He’s a clean cut professional, a promotor’s wet dream, but Punk was a tattooed misfit from the dumpiest part of the Midwest known as CHICAGO. Punk had to work his tail off, and MJF commends him for that. But MJF knows what eats Punk up inside. It’s the fact that after all the hard world, the blood, sweat, tears and sacrifice, deep down Punk and the fans know that Punk’s been nothing more than second best. Whether it was You Can’t See Me, or the King of Kings, Punk was never up to snuff. And now that Punk is in MJF’s ring and MJF’s company, it won’t be any different! Punk may say he’s Best in the World, but MJF is better than you, and you know it!

MJF and Punk stare down, and Punk says there’s some truth to that. A little. Scared? Coming back after seven years, yeah. Punk won’t lie. He didn’t know if the fans would remember or care about him. He didn’t know if he still had it. But trust Punk, he’s not scared anymore. And certainly not of MJF. The timing might not match up but Punk was selling out Madison Square Garden while MJF was marking out for Rosie O’Donnell. And the last time MJF did a song and dance, he made the New York Times! WOW~! Wanna sing him a song now, Maxwell? Don’t worry, MJF is in the ring with a professional and he’ll make the papers again. But this time it’ll be the obituaries!

Punk says MJF just enrolled himself into a school his parents can’t pay for. MJF talked too much, just like Punk back in the day! But Punk backed it up. MJF can’t back up shit without his backup! FTR, Shawn Spears, Wardlow, that is how MJF gets things done. Punk saw AEW, said that’s where he wants to be and test himself, and he went for the heart and soul of it, and that was Darby Allin! Now that chews MJF up, doesn’t it? And Punk beat Darby Allin, and didn’t need a pinkie ring to do it! MJF is too busy talking about how he’s the best, but he doesn’t realize he’s been replaced by BRITT BAKER! Fans chant “DMD! DMD!” for the Doctor.

Punk says MJF thinks he’s made great points, he still talks too much and they’ve wasted the people’s time. Chicago is the Second City, not because there’s somewhere better. Punk will be #2 with a bullet, cuz just like Chicago, when it burned down, they just built it back up on top of the smoldering embers! And who’s the man around here? MJF? No. The only way MJF will be number one is for MJF to wait until Tony Khan has a daughter that MJF can marry! Oh…! Punk says last time in Chicago, yeah Punk is happy to be here. He gave them free ice cream bars! But the only thing Punk can think is better is punching MJF in his needle dick right now!

Fans are thunderous as MJF throws off the scarf and jacket! But then he bails out. Punk waves bye, but will MJF man up and give Punk the fight everyone wants to see?

CM Punk VS QT Marshall w/ The Factory!

AEW returns and QT is in the ring. He wants Punk to focus on him, and they tie up. Punk headlocks, QT powers out but Punk runs him over. Punk flexes and fans cheer while QT gets up in a huff. QT paces, circles with Punk, they tie up and Punk headlocks. QT powers out again, Aaron Solo swipes at Punk! Punk glares at Solo but QT CLUBS him from behind. QT brings Punk around, scoops but Punk slips out to scoop and SLAM QT! QT gets up, into another scoop SLAM! And then another! Chicago fires up as Punk drags QT up again for another scoop SLAM! QT goes to a corner, Punk brings him up to snapmare and cover. ONE, but Punk has the chinlock.

QT fights up, puts Punk in the corner but the ref counts the ropebreak. QT lets off but Nick Comoroto grabs at him! But the ref sees that and EJECTS the Factory! Chicago sings, “Hey hey hey! Good bye~!” QT sees his guys up the ramp, but then Punk ducks his clothesline to scoop and SLAM! Is that seven or six? QT knees low, ROCKS Punk with a haymaker then bumps him off buckles. QT throws more hands, soaks up the heat, whips Punk to ropes but Punk reverses to CLOBBER QT! Punk puts QT in a corner, climbs up and rains down hands! Punk punches from all sides to get 10, then he whips corner to corner! QT tumbles up and flops down!

Punk drags QT back up, QT RAMS him into the corner! QT ROCKS Punk with a haymaker, then drags him up to snapmare and stomp Punk’s face! QT swaggers around while fans boo, and QT covers, TWO! QT soaks up more heat, then he clamps hands onto Punk for a neck wrench. Punk endures, fights up as fans rally, and Punk throws elbows. Punk throws hands, QT kicks back from a corner. QT throws hands, whips Punk corner to corner but Punk reverses. QT comes back into a back drop! Punk then runs and clotheslines QT out of the ring! Punk aims from the apron, and leaps to CLOBBER QT with the flying clothesline! Fans fire up while AEW goes picture in picture!

Punk catches his breath while feeding off the fans’ energy. Punk bumps QT off the apron, puts him in the ring, then brings QT up, only for QT to hotshot him down! QT drags Punk into the ring, stomps him down, then lets off as the ref counts. QT drags Punk up to suplex and hold Punk up for a few seconds before the SLAM! QT then takes his time to drop the leg, brother! Cover, TWO! QT argues the count but the ref says it was fair. QT clamps on a chinlock and grinds Punk down. Punk endures, fights back up, stomps a foot then throws body shots. Punk throws hands, runs but into a kitchen sink knee! Punk grits his teeth while he’s down on the mat.

QT pushes Punk, covers, TWO! QT looms over Punk, drags him up and throws clubbing crossface forearms. QT clamps on with another neck wrench but Punk still endures. AEW returns to single picture and fans rally. Punk fights up, throws elbows to get free again, and runs, but into pop-up HAYMAKER! And then QT gets Punk up, SIT-OUT POWERBOMB! Cover, TWO!! QT is furious but fans still rally for Punk. QT rains down fists, soaks up the heat, pretends he can’t hear the fans, then tells them to shove it! QT pushes Punk around, “You ain’t nothing!” Punk gets up to ROUNDHOUSE! QT falls and fans fire up!

QT returns but Punk counter punches! Punk whips and CLOBBERS QT, then spins him for a NECKBREAKER! Fans fire up more as QT flounders. Punk runs in to SHINING WIZARD! And then he reels QT in for a short arm LARIAT! Punk goes to the corner, and fans fire up as he climbs! Punk aims, MACHO ELBOW! Fans are thunderous and Punk says night night! QT staggers up into the fireman’s carry! GO TO SLEEP! Cover, Punk wins!

Winner: CM Punk, by pinfall

Still undefeated in AEW! When and where will Punk get to show MJF that he’s still that same renegade ass kicker from back in the day?

 

Backstage interview with Christian Cage & Jurassic Express.

They have a lot of momentum given Full Gear and Rampage. Jungle Boy points out he beat Bobby Fish twice. They do have a lot of momentum and it feels damn good. Funny thing is, when you have the kind of momentum they have, you can’t help but feel damn near invincible! When you feel this way, good things happen. For example, Christian find out his guys here are the #1 contenders in the AEW Tag Division! Now, they’ve been here before, but the difference is the momentum, the confidence, and Christian Cage. He’ll make sure they get those tag titles! Luchasaurus roars, will Jurassic Express finally strike gold?

 

Eddie Kingston is in catering.

He doesn’t know what the cameraman is doing here, but he’s having his food. But yo, Moxley, he misses you! But then Daniel Garcia & 2point0 walk in. They apologize for things last week. They read the article in The Player’s Tribune. It was fantastic, touching, got to them and the entire world. But as his friend, they see Kingston is happy and full. That is great. But that means he’s not hungry anymore. He’s hungry for cake. But Matt Lee says this is the kiss of death for a fighter. Jeff Parker says they’ve all known each other a long time, so they’re here to help. Kingston couldn’t help his friend so- What did he say? They splash Kingston with his coffee!

But before this turns into a brawl, security and staff step in! Kingston throws the table over, but will he get his pound of flesh from 2point0 and “their son” soon enough?

 

Gunn Club VS Bear Country!

Billy Gunn and his son, Colten, step up to keep the #Gunndefeated streak alive, but they’re running into Boulder & Bronson! Will Bear Country maul the Gunns-

Wait, Gunn Club attacks Bear Country first! They stomp them in corners, whip them but Bear Country reverses to send the Gunns into each other! Bronson TOSSES Colten, Boulder trophy lifts Billy! The bell rings to put this on record as Boulder DROPS Billy! Billy bails out, Austin coaches him and his brother up. Bronson runs at Colten but is sent into buckles! Boulder scoops Billy, Austin makes a save! Colten then RAMS Boulder into the steps! Gunn Club gets Bronson in and puts him into the ring. Colten gets in but Bronson fires off on him! Colten ducks and dodges but runs into a lift and TOSS! Bronson fires up, DECKS Billy, then drags Colten up.

Austin shouts for his brother to get up but Bronson runs, so Austin trips him up! Colten gets Bronson for the COLT 45!! Cover, Gunn Club wins!

Winners: Gunn Club, by pinfall

The Bear Country boys were outgunned, but here comes STING and DARBY ALLIN! Wait, only the Icon is on the ramp? Austin rushes up the ramp but Darby CLOBBERS him outta nowhere! Now Darby and Sting rush the ring, only for Billy and Colten to bail out. The Gunn Club regroups on their way out, but will they have to face up to the Relentless One soon enough?

 

AEW presents Battle of the Belts!

January 8th, live on TNT, Dynamite becomes Battle of the Belts! All the champions will have to defend their titles, but will it be a gold rush for their challengers?

 

Adam Cole & Bobby Fish talk backstage.

Brandon, just keep the damn thing rolling, Cole’s already pissed. These past few weeks have sucked! They lost at Full Gear, then on Rampage, and now there’s this Friendsgiving thing? What the hell is going on? Fish says the Bucks aren’t cleared. Cole knows, because he talks to them every single day. They’re not just teammates, they’re best friends! Almost family! But THE Best Friends walk in. Cole & Fish walked right past them, they know Chuck Taylor, Orange Cassidy & Wheeler Yuta are Best Friends. They don’t walk around doing the weird hand thing. Cole says Best Friends is just a name for them. Where’s even Trent?

And Cassidy is probably a horrible friend and Yuta doesn’t even have friends! So if they think they can look Fish & Cole in the face and say they’re better friends, then you’re kidding yourself. What’s Yuta’s middle name? Cassidy steps up. Fine. Cole & Fish are tired of being disrespected! They leave, but will they prove they’re better friends than Best Friends?

 

Tony Schiavone presides over a meeting backstage.

After the ultimatum on the offer, Team Taz finally gets Lio Rush & Dante Martin to sit down and look at the contract. Taz says Dante is either in or out. No more games, dude. A golden opportunity for Dante here, but Taz doesn’t even know why Lio is here. Lio asks who Taz is talking to, because he sure isn’t talking to Lio like that. Anything that has to do with Dante involves Lio. Well don’t come at Taz like that, this is simply business. So Dante has the pen, sign. Lio says this is business they want no part of. But then Dante picks up the pen and signs?! Dante is leaving Lio to join Team Taz! He even has some of Hook’s chips! A shocking development, but why did Dante make the change?

 

TBS Championship Tournament Quarterfinals: Thunder Rosa VS Jamie Hayter w/ Britt Baker & Rebel!

Because of her first round bye, La Mera Mera’s been waiting for this moment. But the AEW Women’s World Champion is very confident in her sidekick moving on to become the other champion in this division. Will Rosa disappoint them both here tonight?

The two tie up even before the bell and they go around the ring! Rosa puts Hayter on ropes. Hayter pushes back and puts Rosa in a corner. Rosa turns it back around, Hayter pulls hair but Rosa throws Hayter down! They get back up, Hayter throws Rosa! They get up again, Hayter throws a body shot then puts Rosa on the ropes to choke her! The ref counts, Hayter CHOPS as she lets off. Rosa scowls to SLAP Hayter back! Rosa whips, Hayter reverses and throws Rosa out hard! Hayter goes out after her to whip her, only for Rosa to reverse and send Hayter into railing! Rosa kicks Hayter, bumps her off the apron, then gets in to refresh the count.

Rosa goes out but Hayter RAMS her into the apron, CHOPS her then CLUBS her down! Hayter CLUBS Rosa again, RAMS her into the railing, then fires forearms and body shots. Hayter bumps Rosa off the apron, Rosa kicks back! Rosa CHOPS, CHOPS and puts Hayter in the ring. Rosa gets in but Hayter stomps her down! Hayter stomps away at the ropes, the ref counts and Hayter lets off. Fans fire up. Rosa throws body shots but Hayter CLUBS her down again. Rosa throws body shots, fans fire up and Hayter covers up. Rosa lets off, whips Hayter to ropes but Hayter reverses to CLOBBER her with an elbow! And KICK her in the back!

Hayter CLUBS Rosa to ropes, chokes her with a foot, then lets off as the ref counts. Hayter whips, Rosa reverse and drop toeholds Hayter onto ropes! Rosa fires up and runs to dropkick Hayter in the back! Rosa keeps Hayter down, fans fire up as she runs again, and she STRADDLE ATTACKS! Fans fire up, Rosa clubs Hayter on the apron and drag her down. Hayter hits back but Rosa throws her into railing! Rosa throws Hayter into railing again! Rosa goes back into the ring, builds speed and WRECKS Hayter with the dropkick! Fans fire up, Rosa gets Hayter and snap suplexes her on the floor! Rosa stomps Hayter, goes up to the apron, and she refreshes the count before she LEAPS!

Hayter catches Rosa to POST her then SLAM her! Rosa writhes on the outside while AEW goes picture in picture.

Hayter CLUBS Rosa, puts her in the ring, then stalks Rosa to a cover, ONE! Hayter drags Rosa up, snapmares and KICKS him. Cover, TWO! Hayter drags Rosa up and bumps her off buckles. Hayter throws forearms over and over, then brings her in for a snap suplex! Hayter drags Rosa up but Rosa blocks the suplex to throw body shots. Rosa jumps on for a GUILLOTINE! Hayter stays up, even as Rosa body scissors, and Hayter powers out to SLAM Rosa down! Hayter kicks Rosa to a corner, then throws body shots. Hayter chokes Rosa, the ref counts but Hayter throws forearms. Hayter scoops Rosa to SLAM her, then soaks up the heat.

Hayter CLUBS Rosa, throws forearms, but Rosa kicks low! Rosa kicks away on the legs then ROUNDHOUSES! Hayter stays up, Rosa runs but Hayter SPINEBUSTERS! HALF CRAB! Hayter sits deep on the leg, but Rosa crawls and gets to the ropes! The ref counts, Hayter lets off, and she fires off hands on Rosa in the corner. AEW returns to single picture, fans rally and duel. Hayter throws hands, climbs up to join Rosa but Rosa hits her back! Hayter has to climb again, Rosa fights more, then GOURD BUSTERS Hayter down! Rosa adjusts, leaps, missile dropkick! Hayter ends up in the other corner, Rosa fires up and runs in, A-LIST LARIAT!

Rosa sits Hayter down, goes up and SWINGING DOUBLE KNEES! Fans fire up as Rosa goes corner to corner again, HESITATION DROPKICK! Rosa drags Hayter to a cover, TWO! Rosa drags Hayter back up, tries to suplex but her back bothers her. Hayter throws body shots, URENAGE BACKBREAKER! Cover, TWO! Hayter keeps on Rosa with a chinlock and stretch! Rosa fights up, throws body shots then wrenches to hook Hayter up! Hayter blocks the sweep to throw more body shots and ROCKS Rosa with a forearm! Rosa throws a haymaker, Hayter gives it back! They fire off fast hands and fans love it! Hayter ROCKS Rosa, CLUBS her in the back, then brings her around.

Hayter suplexes, Rosa slips out to RUSSIAN LEG SWEEP! Roll through and step over, PERUVIAN NECK TIE! But Rebel distracts! Britt gets in and drags Rosa off Hayter! Rosa stares down, Hayter gets Rosa, but Rosa moves and the SUPERKICK hits Hayter! Rosa throws Britt into Rebel! Hayter staggers, Rosa runs in, wheelbarrow to victory roll! ROSA WINS!

Winner: Thunder Rosa, by pinfall (advances to the semifinals)

La Mera Mera overcomes the stacked deck, and perhaps puts a damper on Friendsgiving! Hayter storms off, is she still going to be Britt’s buddy after this? As for Rosa, will she

 

Backstage interview with Chris Jericho.

What is next for Le Champion? Well, before getting to that, he just wants to say that despite all the grief he’s given Alex Marvez, this is Thanksgiving Eve, so- 2point0 and Daniel Garcia barge in, boasting about what they did to Eddie Kingston. Then they see Jericho, and bond as Canadians. Well maybe instead of bragging about throwing coffee in his face like jackasses, get some chains and nails to protect you from when Kingston breaks into their homes and beats their stuffed turkey asses. Jericho also can’t stop staring at Matt Lee’s square head. Look how square he is! He’s like an ugly SpongeBob SquarePants. Right, Chicago? “Square Head! Square Head!”

And Jericho will say this one time. If they ever, ever interrupt him again, he won’t throw coffee in their faces. He’ll knock their teeth down their throats. Ya dig? No trouble. But watch your mouth. 2point0 leave “the funny guy” behind, and Jericho says Happy Thanksgiving.

 

Britt Baker sits down for Friendsgiving.

She, Tony Schiavone and Rebel sit at the table, and Britt says this didn’t go as planned. But she will say that she is thankful that she could give them the best Thanksgiving dinner ever. Fat free pumpkin pie for Schiavone, and Rebel doesn’t need the carbs. But this all started off horribly because Rosa advanced. Rosa winning that TBS title will doom it for life. But one thing that is still very, very right is Britt is still AEW Women’s World Champion. Schiavone is thankful for his friends, but he has some bad news. Here’s some tape. See, earlier this year, All Out in Chicago, Riho was never actually eliminated in the battle royal.

So Tony Khan has decided, for Rampage Black Friday, it will be a “Black Friday Deal” match. Britt VS Riho, and if Riho wins on Friday, she gets a world title shot. No no no! Britt doesn’t like that. There are only Black Friday deals and matches. If Riho wants a deal, go to the mall. That’s all there is to it. Well it’s been booked, sorry… Well now Schiavone has ruined another holiday. This cuts him out of the Christmas party! And who put ice in the red wine? Was that Schiavone, too? And no, no DMD! Schiavone ruined it all. But will Britt find herself on the bad end of a golden opportunity against the inaugural AEW Women’s World Champion?

 

Bryan Danielson VS Colt Cabana!

The American Dragon vows that until he gets his match with AEW World Champion, Hangman Page, he’ll take down the members of the Dark Order! And he decided to go after the hometown boy here in Chicago! Will BOOM BOOM have to go bye-bye after Bryan is done with him?

The bell rings, Cabana shows off the dancing pecs, and fans are fired up already. Bryan and Cabana tie up, Bryan wrenches to a wristlock but Cabana rolls, breaks free and drop toeholds to a facelock. Bryan wrenches out, back drops and has the armbar! Cabana gets the ropebreak, Bryan lets off at 4 but gets a cheap shot in as he does. Cabana keeps his cool as he and Bryan reset. They tie up, Bryan headlocks but Cabana wrenches and hammerlocks. Bryan reverses that onto Cabana, then brings him down to have the arms. Cabana fights up, turns the motorcycle stretch on Bryan, then brings him into a modified surfboard!

Bryan slips off to KICK away on Cabana’s leg! Cabana goes to a corner, Bryan CHOPS him! And CHOPS! And CHOPS! Cabana paces, Bryan wrenches to an ELBOW BREAKER! Bryan brings Cabana down to KICK! Cabana snarls, Bryan KICKS him in the back! And KICKS him again! Cabana eggs Bryan on then CHOPS back! Bryan EuroUppers and puts Cabana in a corner. Bryan brings Cabana corner to corner to bump him off buckles then KICK him again! Bryan goes corner to corner, but Cabana dodges the dropkick! Bryan crashes and fans fire up! Cabana CHOPS, Bryan swings but Cabana dodges to JAB, JAB, JAB! Flip, flop, fly, BIONIC ELBOW!

Bryan is in a corner, but he dodges the Flying Apple to GERMAN SUPLEX! Bryan runs in to dropkick Cabana! Bryan turns Cabana around to KICK! And CHOP! And KICK! And CHOP! Bryan puts Cabana up top, climbs up behind him, fish hooks the face, but lets off as the ref counts. Bryan stands up on the very top, brings Cabana up, but Cabana punches! Cabana elbows Bryan down, then adjusts to MOONSAULT! Cover, TWO! Fans fire up and Cabana gets Bryan up o fire off BIONIC ELBOWS as he has wrist control! But Bryan gets around, STO to DANIELSON STOMPS! Then omoplata, flex and LEBELLE LOCK! Cabana barely manages to tap, he’s that out of it! Bryan wins!

Winner: Bryan Danielson, by submission

Bryan holds on longer, but then lets off when he’s satisfied. He even points out a bit of tooth that he kicked out of Cabana’s head! Bryan picks it up and holds it up like a trophy! AEW is picture in picture as Bryan soaks up the heat and Cabana realizes what happened to his own tooth. Schiavone is headed to the ring to interview Bryan, and AEW goes to break.

AEW returns and…

Schiavone is in the ring with Bryan, the #1 contender for the AEW World Championship, and undefeated since arriving here. Bryan isn’t making many friends. That’s funny, because when he debuted in Chicago, he got a much different reaction than this. And Bryan wonders, “Is it me? Or is it you?” Bryan has one word to describe that: fickle. Bryan is not fickle. Bryan came out here, said that he was going to kick Cabana’s head in, and not only did he do that, he kicked Cabana’s teeth out! Next week, in Atlanta, there are a couple Dark Orders from there! Bryan invites either one of them to fight him next week so he can kick their heads in!

All of this is leading to the ultimate head kicking, and that is Hangman Adam Page. But speaking of, here comes Hangman! The AEW World Champion goes right to the ring, title on his shoulder and mic in hand. Hangman gets in the ring and stares Bryan down. “I get it, you made your point. You said you’d kick Cabana’s head in, and you did. But that’s the last. Because we’re in Chicago, and this city, this building, well they hold a very special place in my heart.” Hangman can’t think of a better place or time to defend this title than right here and right now. But Bryan says of course Hangman would say that after he’s already had a match!

To Bryan, this isn’t cowboy s*it, it’s COWARD s*it. Well then tell you what. If Bryan won’t do the match right now, Hangman ain’t leaving without a fight. And Hangman will make it fair by giving Bryan the first shot. Hangman puts his hands back and fans chant, “YES! YES! YES!” Bryan wont’ be insulted like that. Bryan drops the mic then SLAPS Hangman! Then they start throwing hands! Fans fire up, Hangman whips but Bryan reveres! Hangman goes up and out to BOOT, then slingshot, but Bryan runs from the Buckshot! This showdown is coming, what happens when these two finally throw down?

 

AEW takes one more look at Statlander VS Soho.

When Ruby arrived in AEW, there was a long list of women she wanted to face. Statlander was at the top. Kris has been rebuilt, more powerful and more galactic. Kris vows to defeat Ruby and be the first ever TBS Champion as #OUrLeader. Ruby wants to prove to AEW, to the others and to herself that she’s the best. So she has to take on the best. A true dream match, but only one can advance! We’ll see who that is, next Wednesday on Dynamite!

 

8 Man Tag: Cody Rhodes & Death Triangle VS Andrade El Idolo, Malakai Black & FTR!

The American Nightmare teams with The British Bastard and the Lucha Brothers to take on common enemies. The Face of Lucha Libre, the Dark Father and the AAA Tag Team Champions all want to demean and destroy Cody, Pac, Rey Fenix & Penta El Zero M, but will they be the ones living the nightmare before Thanksgiving?

AEW returns as Death Triangle, and Alex Abrahantes, make their entrance, followed by Cody making his. Tensions are rising as the eight men stare down, and fans chant for “CERO! MIEDO!” The teams sort out, Cody steps up and Dax Harwood starts for his team. Dax and Cody both have heat from Chicago, but Cody seems to like that he has more. He and Dax tie up, go around, Cody puts Dax in a corner but Dax turns it around. Dax lets off, but then he and Cody talk trash. They feel out the grapple, tie up again, and Cody headlocks. Dax powers out, drops, but Cody runs him over! Cody and Dax reset, tie up again, and Dax headlocks.

Cody powers out, Dax runs him over but they keep going. Cody hurdles, Dax kicks low and brings Cody around to slingshot off the ropes. Cody slips out, waistlocks, but Dax bucks the O’Conner Roll. Dax turns into the kick and Rhodes Uppercut! Cody scoops to POWERSLAM! Off comes the weight belt! Fans want the free souvenir, Cody THORWS it way back there! Some fans chant, “Throw it back!” Cody gets Dax up but Dax pulls hair! Cody drags Dax away, tag to Pac. Pac takes the hand-off, wrenches to a wristlock, the fan DOES throw Cody’s belt back! Dax pulls Pac’s hair, then throws hands. Andrade snatches up Cody’s belt to throw it under the ring!

Pac ROCKS Dax with a forearm, Dax CHOPS! Pac CHOPS, Dax CHOPS! Pac CHOPS, Dax headlocks but Pac powers out and CLOBBERS him! Pac CLOBBERS Dax again, whips him to the ropes but Dax reverses, only for Pac to CLOBBER him again! Pac looms over Dax, drags him up but Dax back suplexes! Tag to Cash, he stays between Pac and his team but misses the elbow drop! Pac arm-drags, has the arm, wrenches, someone fetches Cody’s belt from under the ring to give it back to him. Cash rolls, wrenches, wristlocks, wrenches again, but Pac rolls and handsprings to wrench. Cash handsprings through the wring! But Pac BOOTS him down!

Pac scoops to SLAM Cash, tag to Penta. Penta goes up, Pac gets the legs, QUE PASO? Stomps to the groin, cover, TWO! Penta drags Cash up but Cash throws a forearm! Penta steadies himself, and CHOPS! Cash CHOPS, Penta CHOPS again! Cash kicks low then runs, but into a SUPERKICK! Penta gets the fans to say along, “CERO! MIEDO!” Penta runs but into a LARIAT! Cash drags Penta over, Andrade tags in and he covers, TWO! Andrade looms over Penta, brings him up and reel shim in, but Penta cradles! TWO, Andrade stomps Penta. Andrade whips Penta to a corner, runs in and back elbows! Andrade scoops, Penta slips out and tags in Fenix!

Fenix goes up and over Andrade, Andrade kicks low then whips. Fenix Tiger Feints then baits Andrade in to GAMANGIRI! Springboard for the RANA! Then a dropkick! Cover, ONE!! Basement dropkick keeps Andrade down! Fans fire up, Fenix gets Andrade up, tag to Penta. Penta tags Pac, the Lucha Brothers snapmare and then Death Triangle TRIPLE KICK and TRIPLE BASEMENT DROPKICK! Cover, ONE!! Andrade survives, Penta brings Andrade around to wrench, then Cody intercepts a tag from Pac. Cody wrenches, YANKS the arm but Andrade ROCKS him! Andrade shoves Cody to the corner and they mug Cody! Fans go nuts as they get away with it, too!

Malakai tags in, suplexes, but Cody slips out, tag to Fenix! Fenix BOOTS Malakai, dodges FTR, handsprings to DOUBLE CUTTER! Andrade gets in but gets a sobat! Fenix wrenches Malakai to CHOP! Knuckle lock, Fenix goes up and up and leaps to RANA Andrade! Then he BOOTS, mule kicks and BUZZSAWS Malakai! Fans are thunderous for Fenix as he shouts, “ANIMO!” Fenix runs but Tully is there! Cash gets up, Fenix DECKS him! Fenix DECKS Dax, too, but Malakai blocks a kick for an STO! Then he bumps Fenix off buckles hard! Malakai fires off as AEW goes picture in picture.

Malakai drags Fenix up, tags Andrade in, Andrade even took his fancy pants off! He CHOPS Fenix down, soaks up the heat, Alex and Tully get into it but stop as the ref reprimands. Tag to Dax, he and Andrade split the wishbone on Fenix. Dax then CLOBBERS Fenix, covers, TWO! Dax wraps on a chinlock to grind Fenix down. Fenix endures, fights up, throws body shots, but Dax squeezes tighter. Dax keeps Fenix from his corner with a headlock but Fenix back suplexes! Both men are down, crawl for their corners, Cash tags in to keep Fenix from his! Cash snap suplexes Fenix down and mocks Latino Heat! Cash chokes Fenix on the ropes, but lets off, so that Dax and Tully can choke Fenix!

Malakai get a cheap shot in before Cash goes back to Fenix. Cash chokes Fenix more, the ref counts, and Cash lets off at 4. Tag to Malakai and he  brings Fenix up to KICK him into the corner. Malakai snapmares to drop knees, then he gets Fenix up for a half nelson. Tag o Andrade, they mug Fenix, then they put Fenix on the ropes. Cash gets a cheap shot in, tags in, then drags Fenix up. Fenix fights back but Cash ROCKS him with an uppercut! Cash chokes Fenix on the ropes again as AEW returns to single picture. Cash wants everyone to calm down while he dials it up! But Fenix ducks the 619, then shows the Tiger Feint HEEL KICK! Both men are down and Chicago is thunderous!

Hot tags to Andrade and Penta! CROSSBODY from Penta then he BLASTS FTR! Penta wheelbarrows Andrade to DOUBLE DDT FTR!! Andrade kicks low, whips Penta to a corner, Penta goes up and over to BACKSTABBER! Cover, TWO! Andrade survives but Penta drags Andrade up to CHOP him! Andrade shove shim, Pac tags in! Pac goes up to missile dropkick Andrade down! Then he BOOTS Malakai! And uppercuts Dax! And Uppercuts Cash! Malakai storms in but Pac sidesteps to SNAP GERMAN! Pac builds speed to FLY and take out Malakai and Andrade! Pac puts Andrade in, aims, but Malakai anchors a foot! Pac kicks him away, shoulders Andrade, slingshots, and fires off kicks!

Pac runs, to BOOT Andrade down! Cash fireman’s carries to a BACKBREAKER! Penta gets in to get Cash for MADE IN JAPAN! Dax gets Penta and tuck shim in, PILEDRIVER! Fenix springboards to missile dropkick! Malakai gets Fenix up to throw him, Tiger Feint but Malakai ducks the kick to KNEE Fenix down! Cody gets Malakai for FINAL RECKONING! Cody throws his weight belt out again, runs at Andrade but Andrade ducks and the SUPERKICK hits Pac! Cody scoops Andrade, Andrade gets Cody, BACKBREAKER to ELBOW DROP DDT! Andrade runs at Pac, into an OVERHEAD Belly2Belly into buckles! ALL EIGHT are down, but now Tully and Arn step into the ring!!

Fans are electric as these Horsemen stare down! Tully throws off the jacket, but Jose wants a part of this! Jose says HE has the huevos, but Arn and Tully DECK him! Alex even throws Jose out! FTR gets in to back Tully up, but Fenix springboards to CROSSBODY FTR! Tully bails, Penta SLINGBLADES Cash! Then SLINGBLADE Cash! Fenix and Penta clothesline FTR out! Fans are thunderous as the Lucha Brothers build speed! Penta TOPE CONJILO, Fenix SUPER CROSSBODIES! Malakai MISTS Pac!! Pac flounders, Andrade HAMMERLOCK DDT’s! BLACK MASS to Cody! Cover, Andrade and team win!!

Winners: Andrade El Idolo, Malakai Black & FTR, by pinfall

A nasty way to win an absolute war! Will this alliance be something all four men are thankful for this year?


My Thoughts:

What an awesome AEW right here! Great set up for upcoming things, too. Great promos from Cole & Fish with Best Friends, as well as Kingston, 2point0 and Daniel Garcia, to set up these matches for Rampage, and Britt VS Riho is going to be a great match for the “Black Friday Deal.” I kinda hope Riho wins that, because then she can challenge Britt at “Battle of the Belts,” aka AEW’s Clash of Champions. Britt VS Riho for the title is going to be huge, too, and then it still saves someone like Thunder Rosa for AEW Revolution. I am a little surprised Rosa won tonight, when Britt interfered just as expected. But Rosa might not win against Cargill, so maybe we’re still on track for Britt VS Rosa.

Punk had quite the opening, being part of both an opening promo and opening match, but it all worked great in story. Punk and MJF took some powerful shots at each other, and at the WWE at the same time, and without considering who is Heel and who is Face, I think MJF not only kept even with Punk, he might’ve squeaked that one out. Punk VS QT was a good match, and of course Punk wins. Punk VS MJF can’t be delayed all the way until Revolution, but it almost feels too big for Winter is Coming, Battle of the Belts or the TBS switchover. It’d have to be a half an hour main event for one of those TV specials to feel appropriate.

Christian Cage & Jurassic Express have a good promo to make it known they’re coming for the tag titles, so maybe they’re going to be the ones at Battle of the Belts challenging Lucha Brothers. Sammy Guevara wasn’t on the episode, only Jericho was here to have his moment with 2point0 and Daniel Garcia, I’m sure we’ll get things set up for that TNT Championship next week since Tony Khan’s going to announce more of that card this Friday. Gunn Club taking on Bear Country was to keep that undefeated streak going while also setting things up for them and Darby-Sting. Maybe they face off for Winter is Coming as the one year anniversary of Sting in AEW.

I am really surprised Dante Martin signed the Team Taz contract and left Lio Rush behind. There wasn’t a lot of explanation as to why, that will surely be coming next week, but I kinda hope this means Team Taz can get into the tag division with Dante and Hobbs being a duo. Also, I wonder if something happens where Battle of the Belts gives us an FTW Championship match where Ricky Starks gets to shine while also helping someone else look good. Bryan VS Cabana was awesome stuff, Bryan is really embracing being Heel here. Hangman showing up after Bryan has his match does kinda feed into Bryan’s point from last week, though, but their brawl was really good.

The 8 Man Tag main event was awesome stuff, even with the Cody Rhodes heat kinda distracting from some of it. Cody was surely playing it up, though. He knows many fans are turning on him, he probably didn’t need to throw the belt, but it was a pretty great moment for that belt to be thrown back at him. I do appreciate that, after Pac takes the accidental superkick, he didn’t turn on Cody because he knows that was an accident. The Heels winning here makes sense, it can escalate this feud to something bigger for Winter is Coming before Penta & Fenix defend the tag titles at Battle of the Belts. I still wonder if Andrade will take over The Pinnacle since he’s been spending more time with FTR than MJF has been.

My Score: 9.2/10


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AEW Coverage

Mitchell’s AEW Dark: Elevation Results & Report! (1/17/22)

Raleigh gets Elevated!

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AEW Elevation Coverage

A lucky seven for Elevation!

AEW continues in Raleigh and has a strong seven for Elevation! Jay Lethal is keeping himself sharp for what could be an FTW Championship showdown!

OFFICIAL RESULTS

  • Matt Sydal & Lee Moriarty VS JR Miller & Marcus Kross; Sydal & Moriarty wins.
  • Tay Conti VS Ameera; Conti wins.
  • Gunn Club VS JB Cole & T.I.M; Gunn Club wins.
  • Frankie Kazarian VS Labron Kozone; Kaz wins.
  • Ruby Soho VS Kenzie Page; Soho wins.
  • Private Party VS Chase Emory & Patrick Scott; Private Party wins.
  • Jay Lethal VS Alexander Moss; Lethal wins.

QUICK NOTES

Pretty clear cut stuff here, but I like that we’re seeing Sydal & Moriarty in tag action again. Kenzie Page is back in AEW and she’ll give Ruby Soho a good match. Good to see Kaz back in action, they kinda let the ball drop on his Elite Hunter story but maybe he can build himself up towards the TNT Championship. And I have a feeling in Gunn Club’s match, fans will troll Austin & Colten as “Ass Boys” again and that could come close to costing them.


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AEW Coverage

Mitchell’s AEW Rampage Results & Report! (1/14/22)

The tag champs are on a Rampage!

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AEW Rampage coverage

Jurassic Express has their first defense!

Jungle Boy & Luchasaurus are ready to prove they’re worthy AEW World Tag Team Champions by defending against Alex Reynolds & John Silver!

OFFICIAL RESULTS

  • Trent VS Adam Cole; Cole wins.
  • Shawn Spears w/ Wardlow VS Andrew Everett; Spears wins.
  • Six Woman Tag: Kris Statlander, Red Velvet & Leyla Hirsch VS Nyla Rose, Penelope Ford & The Bunny; Nyla, Ford & The Bunny win.
  • AEW World Tag Team Championships: Jurassic Express w/ Christian Cage VS Alex Reynolds & John Silver; Jurassic Express wins and retains the titles.

PLAY BY PLAY

Trent VS Adam Cole!

Best Friends have not let go of what the Panama City Playboy and his posse have done to them week in and week out. Cole has his whole crew with him, but will he need them all to deal with #JustTrent?

Trent’s friends are with him to keep their eyes on Britt Baker, the Young Bucks and reDRagon, and the bell rings. Trent and Cole stare down, fans rally up as the two slowly circle, and Trent avoids the boot! Trent forearms, CHOPS, then forearms again. Trent CHOPS Cole in a corner, Cole hits back! Trent ROCKS Cole, CHOPS him in the corner again, then stalks him to a corner. Cole kicks back, throws forearms, but Trent forearms back. Trent CHOPS again, Cole knees low, and Cole throws another forearm. Cole reels Trent in, but Trent picks Cole up for a back drop! Fans fire up as Trent brings Cole up for more forearms.

Trent fires off at the ropes, again and again and again, but lets off as the ref counts 4. Trent runs in to basement dropkick Cole out! Cole’s crew gathers around him, and they all shout to the ref to do his job. Trent goes out, Britt is there yelling at him, but then Cole rushes in to trip Trent up! All of Cole’s friends laugh at Trent’s pain, but then Best Friends walk over to back them off. Cole puts Trent in, talks some trash, and he drags Trent up to turn him, NECKBREAKER! Trent writhes, fans boo, and Cole drags Trent up to bump Trent off buckles. Cole wrenches an arm, and he whips corner to corner hard!

Trent falls after hitting buckles, but Cole drags him back up. Cole turns Trent, HANGING NECKBREAKER! Cover, ONE!! Trent toughs it out but Cole keeps his cool. Colle looms over Trent, taunts him, but Trent throws body shots. Trent ROCKS Cole, Cole BOOTS Trent down! Trent goes to the apron and then the floor. Cole has his guys stay back so he can go to the apron. Cole aims, PANAMA- BACK DROP from Trent! Britt winces as her boy crawls to railing. Trent run sin, but Cole moves and Trent RAMS himself into the railing! Fans go nuts as AEW goes picture in picture.

Cole gets a kiss from Britt, then he goes after Trent. Cole drags Trent up, puts him in the ring, and then stalks up behind him. Trent sits up, Cole runs in, to BOOT Trent back down! “ADAM COLE, BAYBAY!” Cole then rains down rights, lets off to sit Trent up, and he clamps on a chinlock. Cole grinds Trent into the mat, but Trent endures. Trent fights his way back up, throws body shots, and Rampage returns to single picture as Trent ROCKS and CHOPS Cole! Both men stagger, Trent ROCKS and CHOPS Cole again! Trent snarls, he DECKS Cole, then dodges him to waistlock, Cole breaks free but Trent ducks the Pele to DEADLIFT GERMAN SUPLEX!

Cole flounders to a corner and fans fire up for Trent! Trent runs in to back elbow! Then he hits a TORNADO DDT! Cover, TWO! Trent works on his neck as Cole gets himself to a corner. Trent runs in, Cole BOOTS him! Cole goes up, but Trent SLAPS him! Trent CHOPS Cole, climbs up to join him, and then SUPERPLEXES! Trent crawls to a cover, TWO!! Trent winces, his neck bothering him, but he gets up to his feet. Fans rally up, Trent fireman’s carries but Cole fights free. Trent powers up to fireman’s carry again, but Cole slips off to hit a BACKSTABBER! Trent tries to get feeling in his arms, but Cole tunes up the band.

Trent slowly rises, Cole gets impatient, but Trent gets him for a HALF ‘N’ HALF! Trent drags Cole back up, but Cole suplexes, GHOSTBUSTER!! Cover, TWO!?! Trent survives and fans are fired up! Trent crawls to the apron, Cole goes out after him. Cole fireman’s carries, Trent slips off! Trent reels Cole in, APRON PILEDRIVER! Trent gets Cole back in, grits his teeth and gets Cole back up! Alabama lift, but Cole fight sit to hit a DESTROYER!! Cover, TWO?!?! Trent survives again and no one can believe it! Cole goes up the corner again, leaps, but into a SAIDO! Cole staggers, Trent LARIATS him inside out! Fans are thunderous as Trent rises again!

Trent runs at Cole, but into a SUPERKICK! BLINDSIDE SUPERKICK for good measure! Cole then goes back up, Trent rises, PANAMA- NO! Trent tucks him in, STRONG ZERO!! Cover, ROPEBREAK!! Cole survives by mere inches! Nick Jackson points it out and the ref shouts that he sees it! Chuck Taylor yanks Nick off the apron, and a brawl breaks loose! The Bucks are after Chuck, Kyle is after Cassidy, Fish is after Yuta, and of course Britt is after Statlander! The ref tries to get them all to stop but Cole LOW BLOWS Trent!! Cole runs, THE BOOM!! Cover, Cole wins!

Winner: Adam Cole, by pinfall

Cole’s best friends come through for him again as he gets one over on Trent! But will Freshly Squeezed & the Galaxy’s Greatest Alien get revenge on Cole and Britt?

 

AEW hears from Thunder Rosa and Mercedes Martinez.

La Mera Mera calls out Mercedes, saying she came to AEW to show what? That she’s a cheater? She cost Rosa her match with Jade Cargill. But Mercedes says the next time these two see each other, it’ll be a war! The OG Badass is here in AEW. But Rosa says next time, it’ll be in the ring. Mercedes says Rosa will respect and forever remember her name! When and where will these two meet to bring the mayhem?

 

Shawn Spears w/ Wardlow VS Andrew Everett!

The Chair Man is preparing to be Maxwell Jacob Friedman’s pawn- er, substitute- er, well, he’s preparing to face CM Punk on MJF’s behalf. Will he be slay the Sky-Walker from Carolina to prove he’s ready?

The bell rings, the two circle, and they tie up. Spears gets around, spins Everett around and snapmares, then cartwheels to show ten. Everett gets mad, runs in, but Spears sends him to the corner, Everett goes up to cartwheel on the ropes! Spears runs in, but into a shoulder! Everett slingshots, into a fireman’s carry! C4!! Spears slowly covers, shaking his head, Spears wins!

Winner: Shawn Spears, by pinfall

Wardlow gets in the ring, bringing Spears his chair. Spears then gets himself a mic to say, “Is he really the Best in the World?” What about Spears? Spears traveled the same roads, shed blood, and gave everything to this. Spears was the guy who isn’t supposed to be here. “He’s not marketable, he doesn’t know who he is.” Spears knows who he is, but explaining what he is is much more complex. He’s the guy MJF sends to make sure a message is sent and understood. So Punker, Spears is coming for you. Spears doesn’t know where the lines are until he crosses them. There will be no warning, and no apologies. “I’m the guy you don’t see coming.”

And Spears is the Chair Man for a reason. One swing, and Spears makes sure you remember forever. Fans chant for Wardlow instead. But Spears says Punk isn’t in here with a one0move wonder with only a couple of years’ experience. This is a 20 year veteran and pound for pound one of the sharpest wrestlers in the world today! Punk can’t hang anymore, and Spears will prove it. Seven years off is seven years too long. Spears will expose Punk. In just five days, Punky, “The Chair Man cometh.” Spears is all smiles now, but will CM Punk make sure to wipe it off Spears’ smug face?

 

The Acclaimed debut their newest diss track music video!

Anthony Bowens has face paint on as he says, “I am Darby Allin and this is Stang. Welcome to Rampage.” Caster CLOBBERS Bowens with a 2 by 4.

“Two grown men, and they goin’ through a goth phase. Darby, you were livin’ in your car with a hot plate. I’ll send you right back to it if you not game. Beat you down bad, got you puttin’ on the rock tape. In the ER ’til the next morning. Bet that you’re a virgin with your fake sex story. We should put your promos on a cue card.  Got the crowd feelin’ half dead like you are.” Two grown men and the goin’ through a goth phase, Sting & Darby be staying where the cops stay. The Acclaimed stayin’ where the ops stay.  Illest in the game, they do not play.

Sting talking tough, like there’s nothin’ wrong. The Acclaimed will hit him with a buckle bomb. Why they actin’ so hard like this? The Acclaimed got a big black bat for that small white BEEP! Two grown men, they goin’ through a goth phase. Two Broke Girls still on TV, it does not change. Yeah they like it unironically, of all things. When Darby’s in trouble, he gotta call Stng. The Acclaimed, steady whippin’ that ass. They’ll take out Sting at both knees like he did at The Clash. When they see Acclaimed runnin’ up, they hop in the whip. Darby hits a Coffin Drop, Caster’ll make him do a hospital flip.

Two grown men, and they goin’ through a goth phase. Darby & Sting stayin’ where the cops stay. The Acclaimed, stayin’ where the ops stay. Illest in the game, they do not play! But will any of this get under the skin of the Relentless and the Icon?

 

Six Woman Tag: Kris Statlander, Red Velvet & Leyla Hirsch VS Nyla Rose, Penelope Ford & The Bunny!

All six women in this match have beef, but it’s the dysfunction happening between the Galaxy’s Greatest Alien and LEGIT Leyla that could mean problems here tonight. Will they and The Chef be able to hold it together? Or will they be torn apart by these Vicious Vixens?

The teams sort out, Nyla starts against Statlander, but then Leyla tags herself in. Statlander lets that slide, Nyla shoots in to CLUB away on Leyla’s back. Nyla THROWS Leyla to the ropes, runs in and SPLASHES! Nyla talks trash, then pie faces Statlander. The ref has to keep Statlander back, but that allows Bunny to choke Leyla! Fans boo but Bunny gets away with it.  Nyla whips Leyla, clinches, and BELLY2BELLY suplexes! Cover, TWO! Nyla shoves Leyla, tags in Bunny, and Statlander tags herself in. Statlander and Bunny circle, tie up, and Statlander waistlocks to SLAM Bunny down! Statlander shifts to a facelock but Bunny fights up.

Bunny stomps a foot, wrenches and ROCKS Statlander, but Statlander hits back! Fans rally as they keep throwing shots! Bunny knees low, runs, but Statlander sidesteps to POWERSLAM! Cover, TWO! Statlander drags Bunny up, tags Velvet, and they double whip to shoulder, and then work together to tilt-o-whirl SPLASH! Cover, TWO! Velvet drags Bunny over, tags Leyla, and they double whip to trip Bunny up, for a STANDING MOONSAULT! Cover, TWO! Leyla wrenches Bunny’s arm, but she hesitates to tag Statlander in, so Bunny get away! Velvet tags in because Nyla is back in! Nyala misses Velvet but she CLOBBERS Leyla and Statlander, then she CLOBBERS Velvet!

AEW goes picture in picture as Nyla looms over Velvet. She deadlifts and TOSSES Velvet with one arm! Tag to Ford, and she stomps away on Velvet. Ford bumps Velvet off buckles, forearms and rolls to run and handspring, back elbow! Ford goes side to side, Bunny tags in, Ford ROCKS Velvet, then sets her up for Bunny’s SLIDING FOREARM! Cover, TWO! Bunny drags Velvet by her arm, and then STOMPS it! Bunny taunts Statlander and Leyla, but the ref keeps them both back. Bunny drags Velvet up but Velvet throws body shots. Bunny CLUBS Velvet down, bumps her off buckles, then Bunny tags Ford in.

Ford throws big forearms on Velvet, then scrapes her face along the ropes! The ref reprimands, Ford puts Velvet on the ropes to CHOKE her! The ref reprimands, Ford lets off, and then she drags Velvet up to snap suplex! Cover, TWO! Ford is annoyed, but she drags Velvet up to bump her off buckles. Ford fireman’s carries Velvet, carries her around, then pops her up for a GUTBUSTER DROP! Cover, TWO! Ford is annoyed but still in control as AEW goes to break.

Rampage returns and Nyla choke grips Velvet, for a CHOKE SLAM! Cover, TWO!! Velvet survives and Vickie Guerrero is furious! Nyla stomps Velvet, steps on Velvet and then returns, but Velvet avoids the senton! Both women are down, fans rally up, and they both crawl to hot tag Ford and Statlander! Statlander rallies on Ford, BOOTS Bunny, then kicks Ford to whip her into a corner. Statlander EuroUppers, whips corner to corner, then ROCKS Ford with a forearm! Statlander suplexes Ford for the GOURD BUSTER! Cover, TWO! Statlander drags Ford up but Ford claws eyes! Fans rally, Ford handsprings, but Statlander dodges to get around, Gory Especial and backslide, into the SPIDER CRAB!!

But Vickie distracts! Bunny gets in to SUPERKICK! Ford is free, she crawls, hot tag to Bunny! Bunny hurries to get Statlander up, dragon sleeper, but Statlander slips out and gets around, BLUE THUNDER BOMB! Cover, TWO!! Bunny survives and Vickie is happy, but Statlander aims from the corner. Leyla tags herself in, she argues with Statlander, Bunny CLOBBERS them both! Cover, the Vicious Vixens win!!

Winners: Nyla Rose, Penelope Ford & The Bunny, by pinfall

The dysfunction derails the team, and Leyla just glares at Statlander. Is the friendship falling apart at the seams?

 

Dan Lambert & The Men of the Year speak.

Ethan Page starts by “congratulating” Sammy Guevara on becoming interim TNT Champion. “Whatever that means.” Because we all know that Sammy still lost it to Cody Rhodes, who is mysteriously missing from work, when it’s really because he stepped in the ring with Ethan Page and got his ass whooped! Scorpio Sky lets us know it has been 228 days since he was last pinned, and he hasn’t lost a singles match in 310 days. Now Cody is running, Sammy’s ducking, and the only ones getting title shots are guys more equipped to carry Scorpio’s bags than a championship. It doesn’t matter who carries the belt, Scorpio wants the title.

Whenever Sammy and Cody sort this out, their reign won’t last long, because Scorpio is the face of TNT. “Get used to it.” But will the Men of the Year’s Closer really be the one stepping up to the plate against the future undisputed TNT Champion?

 

Ricky Starks has something to say.

He’s on commentary, but he can’t get why people interrupt and put their noses in Team Taz’s business. There are things you just don’t do. You don’t tug on Superman’s cape, you don’t piss off Ricky Starks, and you do not put your nose in Team Taz business. Jay Lethal, Starks doesn’t care how you did it where you last were, but that’s not how it flies here. But speaking of, here comes Jay Lethal! “Hold on, hold on.” Lethal heard all that, so he wants to explain something. Lethal knows he’s the “new guy” here, but for two months, he watched what happened between Dante Martin and Team Taz. Lethal is sick to his stomach about it.

And another thing is, ever since Starks became FTW Champion, there isn’t a long list of challengers. That could be because Starks cares less about wrestling and more about what outfit he’ll wear for the day. Or it could be that the FTW Championship isn’t even officially recognized, but means the world to Starks. So for that alone, Lethal wants it. Lethal VS Starks, for the FTW Championship! Now before anyone gets excited, Lethal knows Starks has to run this by Taz. But whatever Daddy tells Starks, just do the opposite. Starks wants after Lethal but referees rush out to stop it! Will Taz greenlight Starks taking on the former ROH World Champion?

 

Mark Henry talks with the main eventers.

He first talks with John Silver and Alex Reynolds, who have Evil Uno backing them. They challenged the champs on Dynamite, but are they ready this soon? Of course they are! Look at Silver’s beef! And look at Reynolds’ gorgeous hair. Reynolds says it was Jurassic Express who accepted the match, so they’re the ones who have to accept they’re going to lose tonight. There will only be one song at the end of the night. Silver & Reynolds bring out kazoos a la E&C, and they start playing. Buzz buzz, JOIN US, buzz buzz, JOIN US. Christian Cage gets it, that’s what he used to do. Glad to see them taking this seriously.

But the thing is, if Captain Charisma can take something as silly as kazoos and make them iconic, imagine what he can do with the talent of Jungle Boy & Luchasaurus, the NEW AEW World Tag Team Champions. There are levels to this, and the Dark Order is going to find they’re not on Jurassic Express’. Then there’s been enough talk. It’s time for the main event! Will Numbers 3 & 4 get the 1-2-3? Or will Rampage be all about Tarzan Life?

AEW World Tag Team Championships: Jurassic Express w/ Christian Cage VS Alex Reynolds & John Silver w/ The Dark Order!

Rampage returns as the Dark Order walks out for their entrance. Then the champions and Captain Charisma make their entrance. The introductions are made, the belts are raised, and we see if JB & Luchasaurus survive their first defense!

JB starts against Reynolds and fans are fired up already. JB and Reynolds tie up, go around, and JB waistlocks. Reynolds pries free, wrenches to a wristlock, but JB steps through to wrench back. Reynolds rolls, wrenches, arm-drags, but JB is right back up. Reynolds handsprings to show off, and the two go again. They tie up, Reynolds waistlocks, JB pries free to knuckle lock and CHOP! JB goes up the corner, rebounds and arm-drags, but Reynolds comes back, into a dropkick! Now JB handsprings to show off! JB tags Luchasaurus in, whips Reynolds, and Luchasaurus CHOPS Reynolds down!

Reynolds throws a forearm but Luchasaurus puts Reynolds in a corner. Luchasaurus fires off hands, runs in and clotheslines! Tag to JB, he climbs while Luchasaurus scoops and SLAMS! KNEE-BOARD SENTON! Cover, TWO! JB drags Reynolds up, whips him to ropes but Reynolds turns him for a backslide! TWO, they stay hooked up and JB spins Reynolds round, Reynolds ducks, Silver tags in! Silver CLOBBERS JB, dropkicks Luchasaurus, and BOOTS JB! Silver drags JB up, whips him to ropes, and he back drops JB! Silver double guns but JB puts him on the apron. JB elbows Silver, triangle jumps but into a GAMANGIRI!

Silver CANNONBALS Luchasaurus, then stares Christian down. Silver flexes, but JB DIVES! Silver blocks to suplex! Reynolds DIVES, TOPE BRAINBUSTER! Silver gets JB up and into the ring as fans fire up! Cover, TWO!

AEW goes picture in picture, Silver keeps cool, and Silver drags JB up. Silver KICKS JB down, but JB drags himself up to CHOP back. Silver DECKS JB, tags Reynolds in, and Reynolds drags JB up to whip into the corner. JB bounces off buckles, Reynolds drags him back up, but JB hits back with body shots! JB forearms, CHOPS and repeat, but Reynolds waistlocks. JB switches, Silver tags in as JB rolls Reynolds, and Silver drags JB off to POWERBOMB him onto Reynolds’ knees! Cover, TWO! JB survives but Silver keeps cool. Silver drags JB up, throws haymakers, then bumps him off buckles.

Silver turns JB around to TOSS him across the ring! Silver flexes, drags JB over, and Reynolds tags in to springboard elbow drop! Cover, TWO! Reynolds tags Silver back in, Silver wraps on a chinlock and grinds JB down. JB endures, fights up, and throws elbows. Silver cranks the hold but JB keeps fighting. Silver KICKS JB down, but JB gets up to CHOP! And CHOP! Silver ROCKS JB with a right, KICKS him back down, then stands on JB in the corner. Silver drags JB up, suplexes, but JB slips out! AEW returns to single picture as JB ducks and hot tags Luchasaurus! Luchasaurus rallies on Silver & Reynolds, BOOT for Reynolds, and then he puts them in opposite corner.

Luchasaurus runs to back elbow Silver, then back elbow Reynolds, then back to Silver! Reynolds dodges but Luchasaurus DOUBLE LARIATS them down! Fans fire up with Luchasaurus, he sees Silver stagger up. Choke grip, but Reynold gets up to save Silver from the slam! Luchasaurus HEADBUTTS Reynolds, reverse choke grips, then CHOKE SLAMS Silver onto Reynolds! Cover, TWO!! The Dark Order survives but JB tags in. Luchasaurus scoops Silver but Silver slips out! SUPERKICK for Luchasaurus, Silver spins JB to ROCK him with a forearm! Silver dumps Luchasaurus out, then he tags Reynolds.

The Dark Order focus on JB, Reynolds climbs as Silver Electric Chair Lifts JB. JB slips off to shove Silver into Reynolds! GERMAN SUPLEX to Silver, JB ROCKS Reynolds! JB goes up, Reynolds fights him, and Silver is back up! Silver goes up after JB but JB resists the Super German! Luchasaurus gets in, he gets Silver up! Silver fights while JB CLUBS Reynolds. Silver fights his way back to the corner! They all link up, TWOWER OF DOOM!! Powerbomb, German Suplex AND Superplex, all at once! Fans are thunderous for this one! A standing count starts but the teams regroup. Silver PENALTY KICKS Luchasaurus! JB SUPERKICKS Silver!

Reynolds pops JB up for a KNEE! Luchasaurus is back up, Reynolds dodges to SUPERKICK! Dark Order SUPERKICK ENZIGURI COMBO! SHOTGUN from Silver! JB gets up, he runs in but Silver dodges! Corner ROUNDHOUSE, ROLLING ELBOW, ENZIGURIU, STUNNER, GERMAN SUPLEX! Bridging cover, TWO!?!? The Beaver Boy Blitz didn’t finish this off and no one can believe it! “This is Awesome!” but far from over! Christian is worried for his guys, JB BOOTS Reynolds back! JB puts Silver out, but Reynolds shoves him to ropes, COMEBACKER! Silver runs at Luchasaurus but is put on the other side of the corner!

Luchasaurus HEADBUTTS Silver, JB runs over to FLYING RANA! Silver falls on Evil Uno! Luchasaurus rolls to SPIKE-RANA Reynolds! JB uses Luchasaurus for the boost, DESTROYER!! Cover, TWO!?! Now Reynolds shocks us all! JB tags Luchasaurus and they get Reynolds up. Scoop, but Reynolds slips off! Silver gets on the apron, Luchasaurus BOOTS him! JB gets Reynolds up, back suplex to a gut wrench, JURASSIC CUTTER! JB DIVES to take out Silver! Luchasaurus covers, Jurassic Express wins!

Winners: Jurassic Express, by pinfall (still AEW World Tag Team Champions)

Reynolds & Silver proved why they were a top five tag team, but Jungle Boy & Luchasaurus just proved why they’re THE tag team in AEW! Will Jurassic Express stay on track as they continue to roll through the tag division?


My Thoughts:

A wild episode of Rampage here from top to bottom. Trent VS Cole was a great opener, even with the overbooking of their factions brawling and distracting. Cole cheating to win keeps Trent strong, and the Mixed Tag on Dynamite is going to be great stuff. Statlander’s team losing because of the dysfunction between her and Leyla was pretty much a given, but it was still a good Six Woman Tag match. I’ve said this for Elevation and Dark but I really feel like Vickie should become the manager to Ford & Bunny and they should join them to expand the Vicious Vixens faction officially. And we got a good vignette to hype up Rosa VS Mercedes, that match will be great stuff.

Of course Spears a win, but his promo was the real point of the moment. He insults Wardlow while calling out Punk, this is just all the more reason for Wardlow to turn on The Pinnacle. We got a good promo from The Men of the Year because Lambert didn’t say anything, but I feel like it’s a mistake for Scorpio to say he’ll wait for Sammy VS Cody to happen. I’m pretty sure a lot of Cody staying away is because Go Big Show is happening right now, so that means Scorpio is going to be waiting a long time for the “undisputed” TNT Championship match to happen. Starks calling out Lethal only for Lethal to call him out was great, and Starks VS Lethal is going to be a great FTW title match.

And then the AEW World Tag Team Championship match was an awesome main event. Both teams got so much in, and this was a great first win for Jurassic Express to retain the titles. They’re going to have a great string of these, and at this point, I feel like the only ones on a level to dethrone them are the Young Bucks, reDRagon or Santana & Ortiz. Santana & Ortiz might be the team that need it most, too, as they really have been on standby while doing Inner Circle related stories. Those were all great stories, but the only ones really standing out from those were Jericho and Sammy. Proud ‘n’ Powerful should definitely challenge Jurassic Express at Revolution and win.

My Score: 8.7/10


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