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Mitchell’s WWE SmackDown Results & Report! (12/3/21)

The Beast is back!

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Coverage SmackDown 2021

Brock Lesnar returns to SmackDown tonight!

The suspension was lifted, and now the Beast Incarnate, BRRROCK, LESNARRR, returns to Friday Night SmackDown to make it #BrockFriday!

OFFICIAL RESULTS

  • Sasha Banks VS Shayna Baszler; Sasha wins.
  • The Viking Raiders VS Los Lotharios; Los Lotharios win.
  • Jey Uso w/ Jimmy Uso VS Xavier Woods w/ Kofi Kingston; Woods wins, by disqualification.
  • Sheamus VS Cesaro; Cesaro wins.
  • WWE Universal Championship: Roman Reigns w/ Paul Heyman VS Sami Zayn w/ Brock Lesnar; Roman wins and retains the title.

PLAY BY PLAY

BROCK LESNAR opens SmackDown!

No more indefinite suspension for the “alpha male of our species,” he’s back on Friday nights! Lesnar gets the mic as fans chant for “Suplex City!” Lesnar sees they’ve caught on that his suspension’s been lifted. But he’s here for one reason and one reason only: The Universal Championship. Now, you might wonder how he got the suspension lift. But here comes Sami Zayn! Sami says this is great! At long last, their paths are crossing! It’s been a long time coming. In so many ways, they’ve paralleled each other. Minus the UFC Heavyweight Championships and WrestleMania main events. But other than that, there are similarities.

Sami wants fans to give him a second, he’s talking to Brock. They’re Canadian alpha males doing their thing, and no disrespect or funny business, but man to man… Sami’s a fan. He respects Brock’s body of work, and this look he’s got? Awesome! The top knot? Should’ve done that years ago. Brock tells Sami to shut up. Brock is a bit confused. He hasn’t got the slightest idea who the hell this is. Pardon his ignorance, but Sami’s a fan of Brock? Sami is also the “Master Strategist” and the elder statesman- Shut up. Sami’s sure got a lotta balls coming out here and interrupting Brock.

See, Brock lives in Saskatchewan and so he’s from Canada. He hunts things in Saskatchewan and kills them, then eats them in Saskatchewan. So tell Brock, “Who the hell you think you are, and why I haven’t ripped your… head off!” Valid questions, and Sami will give answers. Sami is the elder statesman and locker room leader, but also the #1 contender to the Universal Championship! Against all odds, Sami won a battle royal and is now the first in line to face Roman Reigns at WWE Day 1! So then, Brock wants to get this right. Brock gets suspended, and Sami ends up #1 contender. Yeah, it is kinda funny, right? Not a knee slapper but it’s good.

So yes, Sami is #1 contender. And once Sami wins, he will roll out the red carpet for- Oh, Sami’s taking on Roman at Day 1? Yes, and then we can have Sami VS Lesnar, no questions asked! Sami means it! He’ll happily do that for Brock. Oh silly Brock. It’s all coming together. “They’re playing you.” Well, yeah, they have been. There’s a whole conspiracy. But how is it they’re playing him? Well why wait until Day 1? Why not do it tonight? Here in San Antonio! Fans like the sound of that! Brock can see it now! Sami- It is Sami, right? Yes. Sami Zayn VS Roman Reigns for the Universal Championship! Great idea, but to be honest, Sami’s dreamed of winning the title, just not in Texas.

The fans boo hearing that, but Brock says he’s the fan now. Sami thanks Brock for that. There’s another thing. Sami needs to mentally compare, and there’s a thing in his hip- Brock suggests Sami should fight Roman tonight. C’mon! Sami nervously laughs, says it’s not a bad idea, he just needs to prepare. Sami, listen to Brock. Shut up and listen. Sami should fight Roman Reigns tonight. Sami keeps trying to reason with Brock, Brock’s kinda crowding him. But that’s fine. Do it tonight. But- Tonight. Sami thanks Brock for the advice but says no thanks. Then he puts a hand on Brock’s shoulder. Sorry, that’s on Sami. Brock bends Sami’s hand back and asks, “So tonight it is?”

YES! YES! Sami spares himself the pain and Brock says, “I knew you had it in ya! Go get ’em, kid!” And to top it off, Brock promises to be by Sami’s side to witness it first hand. He’s got Sami’s back. Oh, okay. Then you’re gonna see a new Universal Champion, TONIGHT! Is Brock genuinely going to make sure The Great Liberator dethrones the Tribal Chief? Or is the Beast the one playing Sami now?

 

Sami finds Sonya Deville backstage.

He wants to know if Adam Pearce is here so he can talk with both of them. Apparently not, he has travel issues. But she can help him. Well, the thing is, Sami kinda put his foot in his mouth and agreed to challenge Roman here tonight. But to be honest, he wants to wait until- Oh, hey, Brock! Sami was just saying how they should do things tonight. But Pearce isn’t here- Well Sonya can still make the match. And it’d be a great main event. It’s official! Awesome! And then Lesnar faces the winner at Day 1? Yep. They’re all winners! High five! Sami gets his chance, but he’s basically stuck between a Brock and a hard place!

 

Sasha Banks VS Shayna Baszler!

It’s #BossTime in San Antonio as Sasha goes 1v1 with the Queen of Spades! But will Sasha’s friendship with Naomi come back to bite her against Sonya Deville’s favorite wringer?

The bell rings, Sasha dodges Shayna to ROCK her with a forearm and bump her off buckles. Sasha CHOPS Shayna, knuckle locks and goes up, up, but jumps into a KIRAFUDA! Sasha arm-drags free, Shayna KICKS her down! Shayna drags Sasha, isolates the arm, but Sasha avoids the stomp! Sasha goes up and around to arm-drag again and Shayna bails out! Sasha builds speed but Shayna avoids the baseball slide to ANKLE LOCK! Sasha hops around then rolls to send Shayna into the LED apron! Sasha then runs to 619 Shayna from the apron! The ring count climbs, Sasha METEORAS Shayna down at the ramp!

Sasha gets Shayna up and in, covers, TWO! Fans rally behind Sasha as SmackDown goes to break.

SmackDown returns, Sasha slips out of a corner and shoulders into Shayna. Sasha runs Shayna side to side and bumps her off buckles, then swings in to DOUBLE KNEE! Sasha runs but Shayna follows to KNEE her down! Shayna drags Sasha up to gut wrench SLAM! Cover, TWO! Sasha is still in this but Shayna paces. Shayna taunts the fans cheering Sasha on, then she kicks Sasha around. Shayna taunts Sasha, “Give me pyro, see what happens. Give me jewelry, see what happens.” It’s not that stuff fans don’t like, it’s Sasha! But then Sasha SLAPS Shayna and everyone liked that! Sasha throws CHOPS, forearms, then knuckle locks to go up, up and FLYING ARM-DRAG!

Shayna staggers up, Sasha blocks the kick to KNEE her back! Shayna goes to a corner, Sasha runs in but she blocks Shayna’s boots to ROCK her! STOCK DROP KNEES! Cover, TWO! Sasha keeps on Shayna and brings her up in the corner. Shayna stops the tornado before it starts to KICK Sasha down! Shayna runs in, but into NIGHTSHADE! Sasha drags Shayna back up, TORNADO DDT! Cover, TWO! Sasha can’t believe it, but she keeps her cool as fans rally up. Sasha drags Shayna up, reels her in, but Shayna drops to kangaroo kick then boot Sasha to a corner. Shayna runs in, only gets buckles! Sasha wheelbarrows but into the KIRAFUDA KLUTCH!!

Shayna has Sasha caught, but Sasha pushes back to a cover! ONE, but Shayna gets the clutch again. Sasha rolls back to another cover, TWO! BANK STATEMENT CROSSFACE! Shayna fights up, powers out, blocks a kick and throws Sasha down to then KNEE her down! Sasha is folded back! Shayna drags Sasha back up, gut wrenches but Sasha RANAS to a cover! Sasha wins!

Winner: Sasha Banks, by pinfall

The Boss snatches victory from the jaws of defeat! Will this help Sasha get back up and be a #LEGIT contender?

 

Sonya Facetimes with Pearce.

She confirms, Brock is in the building and has convinced Sami to cash in his title opportunity tonight, and then the winner faces Brock at Day 1. So there’s a title match tonight? Yes. Main event, obviously. Well, maybe it’s for the best that Pearce isn’t there. No, Brock’s in a good mood! Pearce will be fine. Yeah, Brock’s in a good mood, he got reinstated without Pearce’s say-so. Pearce doesn’t want to disrupt anything, so he will “remember the Alamo” tonight. What?! Tonight of all nights? Upper management won’t like that. Yeah, well, upper management will like it less if something happens again so thanks, bye. Oh c’mon!

But then Drew McIntyre walks in. He wants to get to the point. Who is responsible for him not being in the Black Friday Battle Royal last week? Well Pearce made the list so ask him about the snub. Of course, Pearce isn’t here so you can’t. Okay. Then tell Pearce that McIntyre is looking for him and would like a word. The sword makes McIntyre’s point, will Pearce take that “under advisement?”

 

SmackDown presents an all new edition of Happy Talk!

Yes, “Happy” Corbin & “Mad Cap” Moss are back. And they’re going to host another episode of their talk show, after the break.

SmackDown returns as Corbin & Moss sit in their armchairs. Corbin welcomes us back, and “If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands.” But what makes Corbin happy was that battle royal. Yeah, they had a ton of fun eliminating guys. Moss was throwing out left and right, and then Corbin had that hilarious prank when he threw Moss out. Moss frowns, but then laughs and says it was great. Yeah, but it wasn’t so great for Jeff Hardy. Hardy’s fried so many brain cells over the years, he couldn’t remember that Sami Zayn was never actually eliminated! So please, tell Corbin there’s a Jeff Hardy joke. Of course!

“What would you call Jeff Hardy if he were a woman with child? A Swanton MOM!” Only Moss and Corbin laugh. Corbin says that was incredible. And then, there’s Drew McIntyre. “That gigantic crybaby was so upset he didn’t make the cut for the battle royal, that he came running out here with a giant sword, swinging it around and trying to cut people! Drew has got to stop about worrying and become happy.” Moss has one: What do you call Drew McIntyre checking a battle royal list? A Scottish Worrier. But time for them to worry about McIntyre as he storms out with the sword! Moss hurries out to be the bouncer, but McIntyre points the sword at Corbin.

Corbin turns around, into a TWIST OF FATE! Moss goes after Hardy, but Hardy gives him a Twist of Fate! McIntyre gets in to CLAYMORE Moss down! And kip up! McIntyre and Hardy throw their shirts away and fire up with San Antonio! They even take some of Corbin’s hats! Will Moss & Corbin no longer be laughing when the Scottish Warrior and the Charismatic Enigma kick their asses?

 

Xia Li shares volume 3 of her journey.

“The starry night sky drapes over me on a peaceful walk back home. The only sound are my boots on the gravel. And then, something else. Deep breaths of anticipation. They creep from the shadows and skitter like rats to me. One blocks my path. the other lunges for my bag. I hate vultures. They see life through foggy lenses. Mistake women for weak, and the small for the disempowered. They never see me for me.” Xia Li is the defender of the vulnerable, destroyer of the oppressors. The Protector finally arrives next week!

 

The Viking Raiders VS Los Lotharios!

Erik & Ivar are here to bring the raid to San Antonio! Meanwhile, Angel Garza & Humberto Carrillo want to bring the love to the ladies. But they both want to be at the top of the SmackDown Tag Division! Which duo gets one step closer to The Usos and the SmackDown Tag Team Championships?

SmackDown returns and the charismatic cousins make their entrance. The teams sort out and Erik starts against Garza. Garza takes his pants off, but Erik catches him before he can throw them, and hits a SPINEBUSTER! Erik DECKS Carrillo, drags Garza up and puts him in the corner to tag in Ivar. Erik feeds Garza to Ivar’s scoop SLAM! Then Erik scoops Ivar to SLAM him on Garza! Ivar fires up, tags Erik back in then SPLASHES Garza in a corner, to feed to Erik’s KNEES! Ivar runs in but Carrillo saves Garza from the Viking sized Bronco Buster! Erik grabs Carrillo, drags him up and in to SLAM him down! Carrillo gets up, dodges Erik and DIVES to hit Ivar!

Garza SUPERKICKS Erik! Tag to Carrillo, he Chanceries Erik and Garza talks trash before- Wait, someone is rocking out? Where did Boogs and Nakamura come from!? Erik gets free of the chancery, DECKS Garza, but Carrillo rolls Erik with tights! Los Lotharios win!!

Winners: Los Lotharios, by pinfall

The Viking Raiders still lost! Nakamura’s revenge plan backfired! The Viking Raiders go out and say they get this was meant to help and screw Los Lotharios over. Boogs makes it up to them by playing the Viking Raiders’ theme. Everyone’s ready for the raid, but will these four all get revenge on Garza & Carrillo?

 

Backstage interview with Toni Storm.

Kayla Braxton welcomes the Lightning From Down Under and Toni knows, after last week, she is now “Toni, the girl who got two pies thrown in her face.” That should be her intro. But Charlotte Flair can try and embarrass Toni as much as she wants, but that won’t stop Toni from going after what she wants: a title match. Toni is not afraid of Charlotte, she is not intimidated by Charlotte, and despite all those accolades and championships and fancy robes, Toni is not impressed by Charlotte. Charlotte tries to embarrass Toni because Toni already embarrassed her. Toni predicted that Charlotte would lose to Becky Lynch at Survivor Series, and that she would unravel when she did.

Toni knows Charlotte has more experience than Toni, but Toni is in Charlotte’s head. Charlotte may think Toni isn’t on her level, but when she accepts the challenge, Toni will prove Charlotte dead wrong. Toni may be “Two Pie Toni,” but she’s setting her sights on a better nickname: Toni Storm, SmackDown Women’s Champion. Toni heads out, is her time drawing near?

 

Jey Uso w/ Jimmy Uso VS Xavier Woods!

The Right Hand Man knows he’s got to get ’em! But King Xavier wants to get his revenge on The Bloodline, so he’ll start at the bottom! Will Woods be able to exact vengeance for Kofi Kingston’s leg and the destruction of his regalia? Or will he be put in the Uso Penitentiary?

SmackDown returns as the Usos get the mics. They raise their fingers because #WeTheOnes, and San Antonio chants, “UCE! SO!” The Usos get fired up hearing that. Jey tells Sami Zayn, “What’s wrong with you? Challenging the Head of the Table to a championship match, Uce?” Jimmy says, “That’s a bad look for you, Sami Zayn.” But what’s worse? What? Having Brock Lesnar intimidate you and being all scared. Last time Jimmy checked, there’s only one man to fear here on SmackDown. Who’s that? The same man who gonna smash Sami tonight, then smash BRROCK. LESNARRR. At Day 1!

Oh you don’t know who they talking about? Who? The head of the Table! The Universal Champion! ROMAN! REEEEIGNS! #WeTheOnes! But Jey will finish business. They smashed the crown, now to smash Woods’ spirit! The King of the Ring makes his entrance and has a mic of his own to respond. “So the Usos don’t like surprises, huh? Like that surprise earlier tonight of one Samuel Zayn getting the upper hand on Roman Reigns.” Well then they won’t like this surprise tonight. Yes, Woods’ crown is shattered, for now. But Woods always brings a gift to the party. So without further ado, Woods brings to us… “Who? Who? Who?” THE HAND OF THE KING! SIR KOFI KINGSTON!

Yes! Kofi is back! His knee is all better and he’s backing Woods up! Will this reinvigorate Woods and help him get the win?

The bell rings, Jey kicks Woods and CLUBS away already. Jey whips Woods hard to a corner, Woods bounces off buckles and falls to the mat. Jey taunts Woods, stomps him down, then drags him up to waistlock. Woods elbows free, Jey reels him in to back suplex NECKBREAKER! Cover, TWO! Woods gets to a corner, Kofi and Jimmy talk some smack but Jey talks smack, too. Jey gets the fans to go “UCE! SO!” Jey runs in but Woods dodges the hip attack! Jey hits only buckles, Woods CHOPS him then ROCKS him! And CHOPS him, whips him, and LEG LARIATS! Woods whips Jey corner to corner but Jey reverses, only to run into a BOOT! HONOR ROLL!

Fans fire up with Woods as he aims, runs in, dodges and ducks to then slide under and ROLLING ELBOW! Woods hurries up top, but Jimmy YANKS him down!

Winner: Xavier Woods, by disqualification

Kofi LEAPS and CLOBBERS Jimmy for that! Kofi keeps after Jimmy but Jey goes after Kofi! Jey throws Kofi into the ring, but Kofi spins him for TROUBLE IN PARADISE! Woods is back up, Jimmy dodges Trouble only for Woods to RAM him into a corner! The New Day club away on Jimmy, then stomp him, but Jimmy gets Jey out of the ring! The Usos go running, will this only prolong the revenge Woods & Kofi seek>

 

Roman is watching from his suite, and is not happy.

The Tribal Chief sees Kofi is back. Heyman says, “Yes, my Tribal Chief.” Pearce isn’t here tonight. “Correct, my Tribal Chief.” There’s a lot of things Roman doesn’t know about right now. Did Heyman know Brock would be here tonight? Heyman was as surprised as Roman was. Did Heyman know Brock was going to be in Sami’s corner tonight? That also caught Heyman by surprise. Surprise, huh? “Wiseman.” “Yes, my Tribal Chief?” “Here’s something you should know. I’m gonna go out there and I’m gonna defend my Universal Championship, because I’m gonna smash Sami Zayn. And if Brock comes anywhere near me tonight, I’m gonna smash Brock Lesnar, too.”

The Head of the Table is in a foul mood, but will he make himself feel better by destroying his contenders?

 

The New Day talk with Aliyah backstage.

There was Linda, Laticia, Felicia, everyone was there! Aliyah congratulates them, the band’s back together. Woods sees the “town gossip” and allows her to approach. Aliyah excuses herself with a curtsy and Woods will hand this off to Kofi. Kofi tells Kayla that the Bloodline tried to end Kofi’s career, but they failed! But Kofi did have to watch from the sidelines as they crushed and destroyed the crown of King Woods. However, in the Kingdom of New Days, it is an eye for an eye! Just as the Bloodline destroyed the crown, so shall the New Day destroy the Usos’ title reign at WWE Day 1! They will become the NEW, W! W! E! World! Tag! Team! CHAMPIONS~ once again! They can’t wait! Will it be a New Day on New Year’s Day?

 

Charlotte Flair is here!

The SmackDown Women’s Champion struts her way to the ring, and she will address Toni Storm’s challenge, after the break.

SmackDown returns, Charlotte has the mic and says, “San Antonio, Texas! Wow, that feisty Toni Storm sure had a lot to say. I’m not sure where to begin. Actually, I do. We can all agree that the only way to get noticed in this women’s division is by challenging Charlotte Flair, the most decorated woman in Sports Entertainment history!” So whether that’s bringing up her name every five seconds in an interview, or begging for a title shot, Charlotte knows exactly what Toni is doing. Number one doesn’t talk about number two, six or even 10. Acknowledging Toni gives her too much credit.

Toni should thank Charlotte for doing her a favor. Toni was the talk of the town because Charlotte smashed not one, but two pies in Toni’s face. “You’re welcome.” Charlotte thought it was funny and is sure the fans all thought it was funny. So here’s the thing: Toni can shower off the pie, but she can’t rinse the stink of embarrassment off her. If it was that easy, then imagine what Charlotte could do to her in this ring! So we all know Charlotte is about uplifting the others in the locker room. But Toni not being on Charlotte’s level isn’t mean or conniving, it’s just fact, like 1+1 = 2. But Toni demanding a title shot doesn’t add up.

So Charlotte came all the way out here to show some respect, and that she did consider the challenge. But do you want to know what the answer is? “NO!” Charlotte smiles and soaks up the reaction from the fans. But will Toni find a way to make The Queen change her mind? Oh wait, here’s one way: Toni’s creeping up with a big ol’ pie! Charlotte turns around and BLAM! Right in the kisser! Charlotte is freaking out and Toni is having the last laugh! Will Charlotte have no choice now but to give Toni her time?

 

Sheamus VS Cesaro!

It’s the battle of The Bar! Former teammates, now fierce rivals, but The Fella is fighting to show his protégé how it’s done! Will the Celtic Warrior crush the Swiss Cyborg and still be a hero to Ridge Holland?

SmackDown returns and Cesaro makes his entrance. The bell rings and the two tie up. Sheamus shoves Cesaro, they tie up again, Sheamus headlocks and hits the takeover. Cesaro headscissors, Sheamus kips free but Cesaro gets around to waistlock. Sheamus powers Cesaro back into a corner, then throws back elbow after back elbow! The ref counts, Sheamus lets off at 4, Holland is watching backstage as Cesaro starts throwing EuroUppers! Sheamus throws body shots and EuroUppers, but then Cesaro EuroUppers back. Sheamus throws more EuroUppers then reels Cesaro in for the IRISH CURSE BACKBREAKER! Holland is liking what he sees as Sheamus drops knees on Cesaro.

Sheamus says to the camera, “Are you watching, Ridge?” He stands Cesaro up against the ropes for Beats of the Bodhrain! Sheamus stops because the fans are counting, then he CLUBS Cesaro to fireman’s carry and ROLLING SENTON! Cover, TWO! Cesaro shakes his head, Sheamus stomps him and knocks him down. Sheamus gives Cesaro the Dublin Smile with those fish hooks! The ref reprimands, Sheamus lets off, but he wants to try again> Cesaro blocks that and powers up to headbutt back and fire off forearms from all sides! Fans fire up as Cesaro fires off fast hands in the corner! Cesaro then clotheslines Sheamus out of the ring!

Cesaro goes out and comes around the side to EuroUppers Sheamus into the timekeeper’s area! Cesaro roars and fans are fired up as Cesaro brings Sheamus around. Cesaro smacks Sheamus off the desk, then again, then again! Cesaro puts Sheamus in at 7 of 10, BOOTS him, then gets in, only for Sheamus to KNEE Cesaro down! Cover, TWO! Cesaro is still in this and he rolls away to ropes. Sheamus drives knees in again and again but the ref has him back off. Sheamus drags Cesaro up, “You were never in my league! Ridge Holland is 10 times the man you ever were! You held me back for to long!” But then Cesaro shouts back, “You were like a brother to me!”

Cesaro CLOBBERS Sheamus then DOUBLE STOMPS! Cesaro gets Sheamus up, but Sheamus back drops out of the Gotch. Cesaro lands on his feet, but Sheamus dodges him in the corner! BROGUE OUTTA NOWHERE! Cover, Sheamus wins!

Winner: Sheamus, by pinfall

The Celtic Warrior puts the Swiss Cyborg away in an instant, but surely this battle is far from over! Will Cesaro prove to Sheamus that he was never the weak link in The Bar?

 

Sonya Deville is on the phone.

She says “Of course I have it handled,” but then Naomi walks in. Naomi says she couldn’t even enjoy her win last week with Sonya ringside. All Naomi could think of was what Sonya has tried to do to kill the glow. But Naomi will ask for a match against Sonya and only Sonya. Is Sonya scared or not? Sonya says fine, she’ll give Naomi the match. When Sonya decides to take off the suit. And Sonya will break this down for Naomi, be really transparent on this so there’s no confusion. If Sonya has her ring gear on, that’s one thing. But as long as Sonya wears the suit, she’s a WWE official and Naomi’s boss.

So if Naomi puts even one neon green painted fingernails on her, Sonya will make it so that Naomi doesn’t get the match she wants, and she no longer has a paycheck. Do you feel that? So is that accepting the challenge or not? Sonya SLAPS Naomi!! Naomi wants to hit Sonya so bad but Sonya smiles and says, “Yes, I am.” When and where will Sonya give Naomi the fight so that this can finally be settled? Turns out, it’ll be NEXT WEEK!

 

WWE Universal Championship: Roman Reigns w/ Paul Heyman VS Sami Zayn w/ Brock Lesnar!

It doesn’t really who wins here tonight, The Beast is the real winner because he’s still going to WWE Day 1! But will Lesnar make sure the elder statesman of SmackDown gets his fair fight and take this title off the Head of the Table? Or will the Reigning, Defending, Undisputed, Uncontroverted WWE Universal Heavyweight Champion still be the Tribal Chief?

SmackDown returns, and Sami wants to speak first. “Tonight might very well be the biggest match of my career, and this is something I feel I just have to say.” Texas is Sami’s favorite state of America. And he never dreamed of winning his first Universal Championship here. But once in a great while, a guardian angel whispers something in your ear that you never would’ve thought of. Tonight, that was Brock Lesnar. So tonight, Sami is going to do something that hasn’t been done in a long time. Sami will shock the world the way it hasn’t been in a long time! Sami is gonna upset Roman Reigns, defeat Roman Reigns, and walk out of San Antonio the NEW Universal Champion!!

And when Sami does, he has none of the fans to thank. He doesn’t have to thank any fan, because they’ve never supported him in the conspiracy! The only one he has to thank is Brock Lesnar! And Lesnar makes his entrance! He’ll be in Sami’s corner, just as promised. Sami says, “There he is! Make some noise for BROCK! LESNARRR! Truly a man of his word.” Sami wants to tell Brock that Brock isn’t really out here to help him, not that he should, wink wink nudge nudge. Go tit? But at Day 1, it’d be easier against Sami than Roman. That’s not Sami selling himself short, but Lesnar’s track record against Roman hasn’t been great.

No, wait, that’s not… Don’t listen to the fans. This isn’t disrespect. Sami isn’t saying Lesnar can’t beat Roman, just that at Day 1, it will be Sami VS GERMAN SUPLEX! Sami should’ve just shut up, because he’s another GERMAN SUPLEX! San Antonio is now Suplex City, here’s a THIRD GERMAN SUPLEX! Lesnar grins as he looms over Sami, drags him up, and fireman’s carries for an F5! Lesnar grins as fans chant, “One More Time!” So Lesnar gets Sami up for ANOTHER F5!! Lesnar tells the ref it’s fine. He drags Sami up, puts him up in the corner, pats him on the shoulder, and gives him a thumbs up. Has Lesnar just guaranteed he’ll get Roman on New Year’s Day?

SmackDown returns one more time, and now Roman makes his entrance. He has Heyman and The Usos with him, they raise their belts for the pyro on stage, then again in the ring. Sami’s a heap in the corner, the Usos get him back up. As Pat McAfee says, it’s like Weekend at Sami’s, and the bell rings! “OOAH~!” SPEAR!! Then the GUILLOTINE!! Sami taps, Roman wins!!

Winner: Roman Reigns, by submission (still WWE Universal Champion)

Fastest win for Roman yet, but largely in part thanks to Brock Lesnar! Roman still gloats like he did it all, but all he’s done is given us an epic rematch for WWE Day 1! We will get another chapter of Roman VS Brock, who writes their name down as Universal Champion?


My Thoughts:

A very good SmackDown, but a crying shame for Sami. He is #1 contender for a week just to be fodder for the Roman VS Lesnar story. He gets pressured into facing Roman tonight and not in a month, and sure he insults Lesnar but he gets slaughtered and then beaten in under a minute. Sami is a great talent, he should’ve had an actual match, but whatever, there’s just as much talk that Sami will move on from WWE as there is for Kevin Owens, who knows if he’ll ever really get more than midcard title reigns here. Brock VS Roman, Day 1, who knows how things go for such a blandly themed PPV that just wants to be on a holiday. At least Sami and Brock had good comedic chemistry.

Sasha VS Shayna was a great opening match for being fairly quick, Sasha wins to stay strong in the title standings. Naomi getting in Sonya’s face and Sonya again abusing authority was good, but I’m surprised we’re getting their match so soon instead of one more way for Sonya to dig at Naomi first. But maybe Sonya waits for as long as she can to put on her ring gear so that she can use her authority to make this match really one-sided or something. Toni had a good interview promo, Charlotte had a good response, and then Toni getting Charlotte with the pie was pretty good stuff. Pretty sure this confirms we’re getting Charlotte VS Toni at Day 1 to make that PPV bigger.

Of course, it’s already getting big with adding the SmackDown Tag Team Championships. Woods VS Jey ended up being the vehicle for that, and we’re definitely getting a hot tag match there. Sadly, much like the Women’s Division, the current state of the Tag Division is that it is top heavy. The title stories are a lot of fun, anything else sucks. Viking Raiders losing to Los Lotharios because Nakamura & Boogs are too much of a distraction for the Faces was lame. I hope the way we get around that crap is for a big tag contender’s match with those three teams, and apparently Corbin-Moss or McIntyre-Hardy. Happy Talk set up a match for those guys, I would think McIntyre & Hardy win to shut Corbin & Moss up.

What was lowkey very special was how things went during Sheamus VS Cesaro. For one, they shot Holland watching TV using normal angles, as we’ve seen NXT 2.0 bring in. Though at the same time, we had too many shots of Holland watching, in that we got a second one. Just show us the one time, it’s established, only go back to Holland if there’s an interview planned. Sheamus VS Cesaro could’ve been a longer match, but I really like that we got the arguing and Cesaro letting out that line, “You were like a brother!” That gives some great depth to the story of The Bar that was never outright said during their time together, I hope we get a much more passionate and powerful rematch for like a holiday or go-home SmackDown.

My Score: 8.1/10


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Coverage

Mitchell’s WWE Raw Results & Report! (8/8/22)

It’s a golden Monday night!

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WWE Raw 2022

Can Ciampa conquer the All Mighty?

Raw kicks off the WWE Women’s Tag Team Championship Tournament, AND sees Bobby Lashley defend the US Championship against Tommaso Ciampa! Who reaches golden glory in Cleveland?

OFFICIAL RESULTS

  • Seth Rollins VS Angelo Dawkins w/ Montez Ford; Rollins wins.
  • Ezekiel VS Kevin Owens; No Contest.
  • Rey Mysterio w/ Dominik Mysterio VS Finn Balor w/ The Judgement Day; wins.
  • Vacated WWE Women’s Tag Team Championship Tournament, Opening Round: Dakota Kai & Iyo Sky w/ Bayley VS Tamina & Dana Brooke; win and advance to the next round.
  • WWE United States Championship: Bobby Lashley VS Tommaso Ciampa w/ The Miz; wins and

PLAY BY PLAY

The WWE Women’s Tag Team Championship Tournament Bracket is here!

Dakota Kai & Iyo Sky are of course a team, and they’ll be taking on Tamina & Dana Brooke! Then Asuka teams with Alexa Bliss to take on Nikki A.S.H. and “Doudrop” Piper Niven, Raquel Rodriguez teams with Aliyah against Shotzi & Xia Li, and in quite the surprise, NXT’s Nikkita Lyons & Zoey Stark will be taking on Natalya & Sonya Deville! Who will make it to the finals to be the NEW WWE Women’s Tag Team Champions?

 

Bayley, Dakota Kai & Iyo Sky head to the ring!

The Role Model leads #CobraKai and the Evil Genius out here in The Land, and The Land boos them after all the cheap shots they’ve been taking. Bayley, Kai & Sky all get mics and Bayley says, “DING DONG~!” Fans boo but Bayley says c’mon, she hasn’t seen them in forever and this is what she gets? But Bayley, Kai & Sky are all excited to see your dumb, smiling faces! Trust her when she says they don’t wanna be here, either, but the fans need them. The fans are watching to see what these three do to salvage this division. Kai says, “Like crash SummerSlam and shake everyone up?” “Exactly!”

The fans can’t honestly sit here and say they enjoy watching Becky Lynch play dress-up every week. But they cheer! But they can’t honestly like that “champion” in Bianca Belair. But they cheer again! Bianca would be nothing without Bayley! And that’s why last week, they had to make a statement. For all the fans! First, they took care of stupid Becky’s shoulder, then they lit a fire under every single woman in the locker room, for the fans! These three are bringing back what’s been missing. Sky says it’s the hunger! Yes! The division needs to be hungry for more! But Bayley doesn’t blame the locker room. They’re just like the fans: sheeple who don’t know how to ask for more.

But if you can’t find the answers you’re looking for, ask better questions! So here’s a question for all the idiots out there: “How am I the only one to realize what a lethal weapon Iyo Sky is? How am I the only person in this whole damn building who realized the benefits of bringing in someone like Dakota Skai?” Okay, yes, she said it wrong, big whoop! Shut up so she can think, dummies! They’re upsetting Bayley, but imagine how mad these two are? They’ve been boiling this whole time! Fans boo, Bayley gets mad, but Kai has her calm down. Bayley doesn’t have to tell them anymore. Kai & Sky will show them in this tag title tournament tonight and win it!

But wait! Here comes Alexa Bliss! AND Asuka! The Fury and the Empress are going to be in that same tournament, so this seems to be a reminder. But here comes BIANCA, too! The RawEST Women’s Champion walks down to the ring with Alexa and Asuka and they get mics, too. Alexa says, “Yeah, let’s not get too ahead of ourselves.” Fans chant for the EST, and Alexa tells Dakota & Iyo that they’re not winning. If they win tonight, guess who they’ll face next? Alexa Bliss & Asuka!! And after what they pulled last week, there’s more incentive to beat the hell out of them and win the titles.

And Bianca tells Iyo they’re not done, either. Bianca IS hungry, and she’s ready to finish what they started last week. But if we’re playing the numbers game, the three of them have no problem dealing with Bayley’s three right now. Oh pipe down. Bayley knew this would get them all worked up. But Bayley calls the shots. They can do 3v3 where it counts, which isn’t here in Cleveland! The Six Woman Tag can happen at Clash at the Castle! Bianca looks to Alexa and Asuka, and challenge accepted! Okay, then! But while Bayley is trying to keep control, Bianca says tonight, she’ll lose it! And the brawl is own! Bianca fires off on Bayley, Asuka throws Kai out while Alexa is after Iyo!

Fans fire up as things spill out of the ring, and then into the crowd! Bianca throws knees on Bayley but refs rush out to break up the others. Bayley hits back, Iyo SMACKS Alexa off the desk! Then Iyo goes after Bianca! Asuka rushes after Iyo, but then Kai rushes after Asuka! Alexa gets on the barrier to CROSSBODY everyone!! Fans are fired up as Alexa drags Kai up to fire off forearms! Officials and management rush out now, will this chaos subside after the break?

 

Seth Rollins VS Angelo Dawkins w/ Montez Ford!

The Visionary already burned it down with Montez Ford, but now he takes on the other half of the Street Profits! Will Rollins sweep the series? Or will the #CurseOfGreatness take down the Architect?

The bell rings and fans rally as the two circle. They tie up, Rollins headlocks, but Dawkins powers up and out. Rollins wrenches to mule kick, but Dawkins avoids the Curb Stomp! Dawkins and Rollins circle, tie up, and Dawkins headlocks. Rollins powers up and out, things speed up and Rollins hurdles, but Dawkins handsprings! And DROPKICKS! Cover, ONE, but Dawkins wrenches to a wristlock, then YANKS the arm. Dawkins grinds the arm but Rollins pulls headbands to whip Dawkins to ropes. Dawkins hurdles then FLYING ELBOWS! Ford mocks Rollins’ short temper, then Dawkins POUNCES Rollins over the desk! Fans are fired up as Raw goes to break!

Raw returns and Rollins has Dawkins down with an armlock. Dawkins fights up but Rollins wrenches. Dawkins ROCKS Rollins with forearm after forearm, then he whips Rollins to a corner. Dawkins runs in, into a BUCKLE SHOT! Rollins catches his breath but Ford is right there coaching Dawkins. Rollins kicks Ford away! Ford gets mad and gets a chair! Ford gets in the ring, the fans are fired up, but the ref has Ford stay back! Ford lets go of the chair and the ref throws it out, but he still has to keep Ford from hitting Rollins. The ref EJECTS Ford! And Rollins laughs while the fans boo. “Bye bye~!”

Rollins grins and laughs as he soaks up the heat from the fans, but Dawkins is up to clothesline Rollins up and out! Fans fire up, Dawkins builds speed, and he FLIES! Direct hit at the ramp and the fans are thunderous! Dawkins puts Rollins in, scoops him, PUMP HANDLE FALL AWAY SLAM! Dawkins then runs to CYCLONE SPLASH! And ENZIGURI! Then the underhooks for the SILENCER! Cover, TWO!! Rollins survives and Dawkins can’t believe it! Fans fire up as Dawkins scoops but Rollins slips off to O’Conner Roll! TWO, Rollins comes back to turn Dawkins, DREAM SMASHER ELBOW! Rollins then runs, but Dawkins dodges!

Dawkins rolls Rollins up, but Rollins rolls through! Dawkins dodges again, SKY HIGH BOMB!! Cover, TWO!?! Rollins survives and Cleveland is losing their mind! Rollins flops out of the ring and Dawkins snarls. Dawkins goes out and runs in around the way, but is sent into steel steps! Rollins gets in the ring, Dawkins pursues, but the CURB- NO, Dawkins dodges again! SKY- NO, Rollins wrenches and WRINGS the arm, then underhooks! PEDIGREE!! Cover, Rollins wins!

Winner: Seth Rollins, by pinfall

The Visionary couldn’t hit his favorite, but wait! Here’s the CURB STOMP!! Ford rushes back out but the damage to Dawkins is done! Rollins runs off, having swept the Profits. Will he face the consequences? Or just head off towards the title?

 

The Mysterios talk backstage.

Dominik helps Rey prepare for Finn Balor, but in walks Edge! Rey’s cool but Edge can tell Dom’s heated up. Edge has their backs, because what happened last week with that Spear was an accident. Are they cool? Dom’s cool. But then he shoves Edge! Rey calms Dom down, it was an accident! Rey’s known Edge for 20 years, he’s like family! Rey’s known Dom for 25! How can Rey take Edge’s side?! Dom storms off but Rey assures Edge he’ll talk with Dom about this. Is it going to be harder to forgive the Rated R Superstar than expected?

 

Backstage interview with The Miz & Tommaso Ciampa.

The Hollywood A-Lister and the Psycho Killer are here after Ciampa’s phenomenal win last week to become Bobby Lashley’s challenger tonight. Does he feel tonight is the night? Miz points out the use of “phenomenal,” and asks if Kevin Patrick couldn’t think of another word. Miz says there is nothing phenomenal about someone who sides with a hack like Logan Paul! But who had the last laugh? Ciampa! And Ciampa says people always talk about overcoming adversity. When you want something you believe in, believe in Ciampa! Who believed in Ciampa? The first-ever US Champion, Harley Race! That man trained Ciampa and made him into the man he is today.

Three years ago to the day, Harley paced away. Tonight, Ciampa dedicates his win to the King, Harley Race! And, and, AND, with Harley looking down on him, and with the Miz in his corner, Ciampa will truly make this his moment. When he steps foot in that ring and Lashley looks into his eyes, Lashley will feel Ciampa’s sacrifice, and Lashley will realize that he has already lost. Will Ciampa’s blackheart finally beat with gold again?

 

Ezekiel VS Kevin Owens!

Once again, the younger brother of Elias is taking on the Prizefighter, and even though Kevin claims he’s over his obsession, this will be quite the test. Will Kevin focus on the fight and not Ezekiel’s identity? Or will he #ZekeOut all over again?

The bell rings and Kevin rushes Zeke! Kevin fires off forearms, maybe that obsession has rekindled already! Kevin stomps away in the corner, Zeke slips out but Kevin goes out to POST him! And the RAM him into the desk! And then again, making the desk move! Zeke crawls, Kevin drags him up and reels him in! Fans fire up for the APRON POWERBOMB!! Kevin’s mean streak has returned and Zeke writhes! The ref is calling this match, Zeke can’t continue!

No Contest

Kevin gets in the ring and looks down on Zeke while medics are rushed out to the ring. They bring a stretcher and board! Kevin laughs at the destruction he has wrought, but is this going to be the last time we see Zeke?

 

Rey Mysterio VS Finn Balor w/ The Judgement Day!

The King of Lucha and the Prince go another round, and things are even more tense after what happened at SummerSlam and last week on Raw. Will Rey finally end things with the Judgement Day? Or will he face the punishment for resisting?

Finn gets a mic to say, “Edge thinks we should fear him. Rey Mysterio thinks that we should fear him. Those two can’t even get on the same page! Poor little Dominik Mysterio’s already abandoned both of them! The Judgement Day isn’t afraid of anyone! Y’know why? Because fear isn’t real. Fear is a product of your imagination. But danger is real! Danger is very real! And Rey, tonight, you’re going to find out that I am danger!” Priest tells Edge that to be clear, if he wanted to, he could lay Edge out. But in two weeks, the WWE is in Toronto. Edge hasn’t wrestled on Raw in Canada in 12 years!

So here it is! Priest is officially challenging Edge, 1v1! The Rated R Superstar VS The Punisher! If Edge still has a set, then he and Priest can end this! Edge may have started the Judgement Day, but in Toronto, in front of Edge’s family and friends, the Judgement Day ends Edge! What will Edge say about that challenge? As for Rey, he can’t seem to find Dominik anywhere. Well, Edge’s offer still stands, especially after being called out. Rey says he knows Dom, Dom will come to his senses. Well, okay then. Go get ’em! Rey goes it alone for now, but will he be alone in the end? We find out, after the break.

 


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AEW Coverage

Mitchell’s AEW Dark: Elevation Results & Report! (8/8/22)

Columbus gets Elevated!

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AEW Elevation Coverage

Elevation has CERO MIEDO!

Before AEW Dynamite: Quake by the Lake and their Tornado Tag match, the Lucha Brothers tune up against The Wingmen in a standard 2v2!

OFFICIAL RESULTS

  • Athena VS Queen Aminata; wins.
  • John Silver & Alex Reynolds VS T.U.G Cooper & Lord Crewe; win.
  • Kiera Hogan & Leila Grey w/ Stokely Hathaway VS Freya States & Alice Crowley; win.
  • Ruby Soho & Skye Blue VS Megan Myers & Nikki Victory; wins.
  • Parker Boudreaux w/ Ari Daivari VS Casey Carrington; wins.
  • The Lucha Bros w/ Alex Abrahantes VS The Wingmen; win.

QUICK NOTES

One thing to note is that Parker Boudreaux has Ari Daivari in his corner. I wonder if the Trust Busters is becoming a trio, Parker joining Daivari and Slim J. Then in Kiera and Leila teaming up, this is the one time where “Can they coexist?” should be a thing since The Baddies still haven’t fully accepted Leila. And of course, the Lucha Brothers will beat The Wingmen to get momentum going into their Lucha Rules Tornado Tag with Rush & Andrade.


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