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Andrew’s IMPACT Hard to Kill Results & Match Ratings: 1.8.2022

A historic Hard to Kill! ROH World Title is defended! Knockouts first ever Ultimate X Match! Triple Threat for the Heavyweight title and a Texas Death Match between Mickie James and Deonna Purrazzo!

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Even with a few covid adjustments, the card still looks very strong and could be a big night.

ROH World Title is defended in a Pure Rules match, Texas Death Match for the Knockouts Title and a Triple Threat for the IMPACT World Title.

Now there also being a Hardcore War really has a lot of NoDQ/hardcore matches, so we could find ourselves bored if they don’t do something different. But there’s really only one way to find out.

Ratings:

  • Madman Fulton vs Jake Something: Jake wins via Blackhole Slam – ** ¼
  • Ace Austin vs Speedball Mike Bailey vs Laredo Kid vs Chris Bey: Speedball wins via Shooting Star Double Kneedrop – ***
  • Knockouts Ultimate X: Rosemary vs Alisha Edwards vs Tasha Steelz vs Jordynne Grace vs Chelsea Green vs Lady Frost: Tasha wins – * ½
  • X Division Championship: Steve Maclin vs Trey Miguel (c): Trey retains via Meteora – *** ½
  • Pure Wrestling Rules: ROH World Championship: Jonathan Gresham (c) vs Chris Sabin: Gresham retains via La Magistral Leg Clutch – ****
  • Jonah vs Josh Alexander:  Josh wins via Ankle Lock – **** ½
  • Hardcore War: Eddie Edwards, Heath, Rich Swann, Willie Mack & Rhino vs Eric Young, Joe Doering, Deaner, Karl Anderson & Doc Gallows: Heath wins after GORE on Karl Anderson – ***
  • IMPACT World Heavyweight Championship: Massive Cassidy vs Matt Cardona vs Moose (c): Moose retains via Lights Out – *** ½
  • IMPACT Knockouts World Championship: Texas Death Match: Mickie James (c) vs Deonna Purrazzo: Mickie retains via Mick-DT – **** ¼

Results:

So wait, D’Lo is doing commentary with Tom Phillips! The Dinosaur bone himself is now Tom Hannifan, I guess the Matt Striker being let go story was accurate.

Madman Fulton vs Jake Something

Fulton starts things fast, Jake tries to slow things down landing a Thesz press and a big bear paw, but Fulton continues to mostly keep the advantage. A rope assisted Swinging Side Slam, Fulton jumps off the top rope as well and makes contact. Fulton really doesn’t look pressured, but wastes too much time so Jake starts throwing haymakers.

Triangle Lariat into a Big Jake Something Dive and now he charges up in the corner to Spear Fulton in the opposite corner. Gutwrench Sitout Powerbomb from Jake…and Fulton kicks out. Fulton stops Jake rope running with a goozle, Kip Up, Chokeslam for two. Fulton Chokeslams Jake again and gets a “One more time” chant. Fulton gives in to the chants, but Jake fights out, runs Fulton back and forth, Fulton follows into Jake’s arms, Blackhole Slam and Jake wins.

Ace Austin vs Speedball Mike Bailey vs Laredo Kid vs Chris Bey

Bailey comes out bowing and being very respectful getting that aspect of his martial arts persona over well. He gets a chance to square off with everyone for a short time, but as expected we get flashes of the Heels working together and the Faces working together. The beauty in this match was really how annoyed Ace was at Bailey’s involvement, so he wanted to prove that this was his company/match/division.

Bailey did great getting his personality over, his great martial arts ability and a unique striking offense to really help him shine. His corner charge being like a Wu Shu tornado Knee, into a big Gamengiri followed up by the Shooting Star Knees to the back of Ace’s head and Bailey pins Ace for the win!

Knockouts Ultimate X: Rosemary vs Alisha Edwards vs Tasha Steelz vs Jordynne Grace vs Chelsea Green vs Lady Frost

So this was a car crash of a match. Havok and Savannah Evans came down, Alisha used Kendra, but some sloppy spots and just stupid spots. There were so many times someone was scaling the side and decided to dive off into a pile of people instead of going for the X. Some of the big spots were fun/entertaining, but that’s why I said it’s like a car crash. Not good, but you can’t take your eyes off of it.

With all that said, it ends up being less than mediocre but you could find more value if you feel the entertainment was worth more than I did; but I’m glad we get this behind us immediately.

X Division Championship: Steve Maclin vs Trey Miguel (c)

Steve Maclin hits with the Scud Missile before the bell and Maclin starts running roughshod. Trey fights back, a few quick kicks and Tiger Feints, but Steve stays on the offensive.

I can’t really say I’m surprised by this beyond how much Maclin being in control added a story to Trey’s usual spot filled trash wrestling. Maclin looks for some high impact moves but Trey always has an eventual answer. After a big crash moment on the outside, Trey looks to get the countout, but then decides he doesn’t want to win that way. So he rolls in Maclin, lands the Meteora, but Maclin kicks out. Trey’s shocked but smacks Maclin around a few times, drops him back down and hits a second Meteora to retain.

Pure Wrestling Rules: ROH World Championship: Jonathan Gresham (c) vs Chris Sabin

So they build this challenge off the fact that Sabin drew with Jay Lethal a few years ago, which should’ve won him a title match, but that was probably timed around Sabin’s last injury. So an overdue title shot gives us a pure style wrestling match on an IMPACT PPV.

I’m not gonna lie, this was one of those matches I was generally enjoying and forgot I had to be typing along with it. Gresham did a great job as working on the arm mostly with a little leg focus since Sabin is more strike and high flying than he is. But Sabin found his own mat based offense, and caught Gresham on many accounts with strikes.

Sabin nearly had the win with a surprise Cradle Shock, but the referee noticed after he counted 3 that Gresham’s foot was under the rope and he still had a rope break left. So it was a solid false finish. The cradle variation spam is very Japanese, and done very well by both of them. This was a really solid match, hampered mostly because there was no real story with it, but still generally a delight to watch

Jonah vs Josh Alexander

Jonah imposes his size and power early, but Josh sees the opening once Jonah goes for the Senton, and Josh rolls away. From that point, Josh gets a chance to knock Jonah around, gets him to the outside, lands a suplex from the apron into the ring and Jonah’s leg gets caught in the ropes. Josh takes advantage, but Jonah eventually stems the tide and starts throwing Josh around again.

This really turns into a slobberknocker with Josh trying to pick his spots and use his emotion to his advantage. He absorbs Jonah’s attacks to kick his foot out from under him and starts working on the leg. They spill out into the front row, the fans get evacuated, Jonah gets seated and Josh flies from the ring onto Jonah. Action goes back into the ring and they keep throwing strikes at one another.

Jonah goes for broke, attempts the Moonsault and misses. Josh lands the Rolling Elbow, Release German into a Jacknife Powerbomb. Ankle Lock, reapplication of the Ankle Lock and Jonah is forced to tap after Josh worked him over well and barely survived that while getting busted open.

Hardcore War: Eddie Edwards, Heath, Rich Swann, Willie Mack & Rhino vs Eric Young, Joe Doering, Deaner, Karl Anderson & Doc Gallows

Deaner and Rich Swann start off, which makes sense. You put in the weakest heel since he gets a small chance to shine and will be the first to have help, so no one looks inherently weaker than they should. Long and short, this is exactly what a hardcore match should be. A little ridiculous, a lot of fun, some crazy spots and a bunch of different guys getting color.

Weapons all day, barbed wire tables, bats, kendo sticks, doors and tables keep this match exciting. Signature spams as Doering tries to take out Rich Swann on the barbed wire table, Willie takes him out, Karl hits the Gun Stun then eats a Backstabber from Heath, a Gore from Rhino and the babyfaces win!

After the match we see the OG Kingdom hit the ring, Vinnie Marseglia and PCO storm the ring and beatdown the victorious IMPACT squad. So ROH is basically declaring war or at least reminding people they aren’t dead yet, on a show called Hard to Kill. Its poetic I suppose.

IMPACT World Heavyweight Championship: Massive Cassidy vs Matt Cardon vs Moose (c)

Wow big haymakers early, surprise Suplexes, Apron Powerbombs, everyone is just trying to take someone out with one big move. Moose eventually gets the advantage rocking Cardona, Kip Up, Go to Hell on Cassidy for a 2 as Cardona hits Radio Silence on Moose to break the pin. Locomotion ReBoots until Cassidy grabs him and drives him into the corner.

Cassidy goes for an Avalanche Fallaway Slam, but Moose gets under him for a Powerbomb so Moose is the one in the best position after the destruction. Moose looks to make the biggest example of Mid CARDona, but Chelsea comes out, flips off Moose and dives on him to help Cardona come back. Cassidy is on the steps to fly and meet the two of them though, so now it’s time for the man from Queens to be in control.

Moose puts the brakes on Cassidy, starts rocking Cardona, goes for his corner backflip, but Cardona shoves him off the turnbuckle and through the table on the outside. A fan throws in a prosthetic leg and Cassidy starts beating on Cardona with the fake leg to a fun pop. Cassidy gets a little too cocky, Radio Silence counter, but Cassidy kicks out. Cardona eats a few Chokeslams, lands an Avalanche Radio Silence, and Moose pulls the referee out.

Lights Out gets hit on the referee, Radio Silence on Moose, Cassidy shoves out Cardona, Jacknife Powerbomb from Cassidy and the visual pinfall doesn’t get counted because the referee was murdered earlier. Chairs get introduced, Moose manages to swing away and level Cassidy after a low blow, Cardona tries to take advantage of things, but a kick to the jimmies and Moose is in control again. Chelsea gets involved, stops Cardona, Cardona catches Moose in a roll up, referee two comes in, and then a stack in the corner kills new referee and Chelsea. Lights Out from Moose, the first referee crawls in to make the count.

Definitely a little convoluted, but the right person won.

IMPACT Knockouts World Championship: Texas Death Match: Mickie James (c) vs Deonna Purrazzo

Since Texas Death Matches are 2 falls to the finish, a pinfall or submission and then a standing 10 count, we see the traditional falls happen quickly but both are up long before 10 counts are applied. So both women just start jawing at each other, throwing chairs in the ring and all over and you can see the emotions are actually playing a part in this match.

The 10 count has to follow the traditional fall, so that was a small tweak I wasn’t really aware of. Mickie and Deonna stay on the outside for a while. Chairs, wheelbarrows and lighting boxes are used as weapons, Mickie is busted open. Mickie tries a Single Legged Crab, but Deonna drags herself out, Mickie takes off the chaps she’s wearing to expose the knee brace more and starts using that as a weapon.

Deonna introduces thumbtacks, as is IMPACT tradition. Mickie moves off the table, tries to hit the Mick-DT on the Deonna but Deonna slips out and then a big Pump Kick sends Mickie back first into the tacks. You can see the tacks embedded in Mickie’s shoulder blades. Deonna chokes Mickie with her own chaps, Mickie taps as fast as she can and stands right before the 10 count.

Deonna attacks her from the apron, Mickie tries fight back, goes under the ring for her Hardcore Country guitar, but Deonna stays on the attack. Deonna beats Mickie with a chair while she’s in the tacks, goes to the top rope after lacing Mickie’s ankle in the chair. She wants to break Mickie’s ankle, but Mickie Sabu’s Deonna and then sells back down to the mat but into the tacks.

Thesz Press off the apron to the outside, 3 count and now the Standing 10 starts. Rehwoldt shows up to help Deonna stand, which gets around the loophole. Mickie with the Diving Crossbody and then puts Deonna back in the ring, and Deonna is busted open now. Deonna drives Mickie through the table with Queen’s Gambit, gets the pinfall but Mickie gets up. Mickie fights through, Deonna tries to stop Mickie with a …umm…Mandible Claw between the thighs. Mickie licks her fingers and just enjoys it, Rehwoldt tries to get involved, gets hit with the guitar, and Mickie is rolling. Deonna swings the chair, misses, bounces the chairs off the ropes hits herself and Mick-DT has Mickie James retain because Deonna doesn’t get up for the 10 count!

 

Overall Score: 8.25/10

Well hot damn, I don’t know for a fact, but I feel like this event might have the most quality matches ever in the last few years I’ve been covering Impact. Three matches that are 4 stars or more, two 3.5; if it wasn’t for the Ultimate X match, this might’ve ranked up with the NOAH show.

Each Hardcore/NoDQ match felt different, they all had their own energy and even though they weren’t spaced overly well, it never got redundant. Mickie winning and getting the Royal Rumble rub is great for IMPACT (not sure if that might’ve changed booking), Moose retaining and beating Cardona leaves Cassidy with an argument and this ROH invasion could be interesting for say LockDown, or at least to help ROH stay relevant if they really do end up reopening.

A great start to 2022 for IMPACT and actually makes me somewhat excited to see where things go from here!


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NOAH WEEKLY NEWSLETTER VOL.187 ~ 29TH SEPTEMBER 2022

Keiji Mutoh continues his Retirement tour and bringing out faces from the past! NOAH has a new champion! Interesting inter-promotional battles on the horizon as well!

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NEWS

Kaito Kiyomiya is the new GHC Heavyweight Champion, nominates Kazuyuki Fujita as challenger

Following provocation by Kenoh not only saying that he was going to be the one to inherit Keiji Mutoh’s Shining Wizard and the memory of Keiji Mutoh himself (and the outright claim that Kiyomiya would simply forget about Mutoh once Mutoh had retired, which Kiyomiya didn’t even bother responding to), Kenoh went one step further at their last pre match on the 19th September by pulling Keiji Mutoh’s pose, kissing his hand, putting it to Kiyomiya’s lips and then exploding it. Kiyomiya erupted in fury at this, it was far more than any verbal provocation of Kenoh’s, which I guess he has learned to ignore over the years. They fought for the GHC Heavyweight in Nagoya on September 25th, with Kiyomiya emerging victorious following a modified Shining Wizard. As Kenoh left it was like a spell was broken. Kenoh went backstage and muttered about Kiyomiya being the company favorite and in his interview the day after winning the title, Kiyomiya said nothing about Keiji Mutoh. Mutoh as we know had been a focus of both Kiyomiya and Kenoh leading up to the title match.

Back in the ring, Kiyomiya called out his next opponent. Kazuyuki Fujita. Fujita came to the ring, carrying a can of beer which he swigged from. Getting in the ring he circled Kiyomiya and took off his t-shirt. Kiyomiya said that he was expecting a fight, but Fujita did something that no other NOAH wrestler had (or perhaps would) do, and that was to throw himself at Kiyomiya and then make nuzzling motions against his head, while he licked the belt. Kiyomiya pushed him off, and Fujita retaliated by pouring beer over his head.

Kiyomiya screaming that he hated beer was met with Fujita toasting him from the ramp and yelling “Kampaiii” (“cheers”) after a fight had broken out, and Kiyomiya threw him from the ring.

 

Backstage, Kiyomiya said his reason for nominating Kazuyuki Fujita as his challenger was that he had never been defeated for the GHC Heavyweight. Fujita had to give up the belt due to Coronavirus. It has been a recurring theme of most of the GHC Heavyweight champions since Go Shiozaki, that Fujita has been the man to beat in order to cement yourself as champion. Kiyomiya was picking up that torch.

As for Fujita, he played it as if he was a Casanova and had been asked out on a date by warning Kiyomiya that when you experience Fujita, you can never go back because you were never going to be the same. He was going to “make it a night to remember”. He sipped his beer, and licked his lips afterwards.

Title match has been set for NOAH’s return to Ariake on the 30th October.

STINGER lose, NOAH Junior Regulars win, enter Tadasuke (with a chair)

Following a period of brutal attacks on Seiki Yoshioka (by the end of the match he could hardly use one side of his body) and a title challenge where Atsushi Kotoge was bloodied up, The NOAH Junior Regulars emerged victorious and bought the tag titles home to their unit. They had very little time to celebrate their win and put ice on their wounds, when Tadasuke burst in and attacked Atsushi Kotoge with a chair while Hi69 beat up on the already incapacitated Seiki Yoshioka. Tadasuke (wild grin on his face) got on the microphone and made a challenge for the tag titles. Then Tadasuke wiped the blood from Kotoge that had got on his hands on his hair, leaving red streaks in the peroxide. Tadasuke was even waving the bloodied seat of the chair, which had detached during the attack, around backstage.

Title match will be on the 30th October when NOAH return to the Ariake complex.

Takashi Sugiura and Satoshi Kojima, NOAH’s most dysfunctional tag team, win the GHC Heavyweight tag titles

It must be said that with the combined efforts of Satoshi Kojima and Hideki Suzuki, we almost have our Sugi back.

At the press conference/title match signing, Sugi and Kojima appeared dressed in suits and wearing dark glasses. They looked something between The Men In Black and “Dangerous Detectives” (as Tokyo Sports called them  which stems from a Japanese TV show). Hideki Suzuki was on form, not only mistranslating Timothy Thatcher and stating at one point that Thatcher said he came to Japan to “beat you up” and being rude to a journalist for being overfamiliar with his “punk mouth”, the highlight of the press conference was his long close up stare at Sugi, who was trying not to laugh.

The dysfunctional team won the titles in Nagoya on the 25th September, and despite their falling out during the match, Sugi actually gave Kojima a proper handshake. Then they went back to squabbling backstage over Kojima talking on the mic when it was Sugi who got the win. No challengers have come forward as of yet.

HAYATA retains the GHC Junior, Ninja Mack makes his long awaited challenge

It had been an emotional match for YO-HEY, and for fans. Cutting out the aerial techniques that had characterized their earlier matches, both he and HAYATA demonstrated how much they had both evolved by concentrating on a more NOAH based ground attack with submissions. YO-HEY might have failed in the challenge, but he had at least gotten one win over HAYATA in the pre-match. He knew the title match would be different and he would need to level up, and afterwards he reflected and said he would start from rock bottom in order to make his next challenge. What fans had noticed that while things had changed between them, some things were the same, such as YO-HEY coloring his hair, his tongue (and even his boxer shorts) purple, which is HAYATA’s color, and HAYATA not speaking as much as he has done in previous title challenges, as he is content to let YO-HEY talk. After the match, Ninja Mack came to challenge. HAYATA accepted by saying, that he was “finally interested in the belt” and acknowledging him as challenger. Title match will of course be on the 30th October. But HAYATA is not immediately going into a fallout match with Ninja Mack at NOAH’s next event on the 30th, but is having a tag match against YO-HEY.

Keiji Mutoh’s Retirement Road

Keiji Mutoh has been very busy.

– 23rd September: Great Muta appears in AEW

The Great Muta made a surprise appearance in AEW to rescue Sting, who had been tied to a chair by Darby Allen. Muta came to the ring, advanced on Sting and then turned and spat green mist into the face of Allen and then reunited with Sting. Keiji Mutoh announced that Sting would attend Muta’s retirement on the 22nd in Yokohama, but has not said in what capacity, although it is assumed that they will tag. Regarding any further appearances in America, Mutoh said he didn’t think it was likely, but did warn that The Great Muta may pop up somewhere as you never knew where he would turn up next.

– 25th September: Keiji Mutoh Retirement Road: Love Forever 2

Keiji Mutoh teamed with his junior Kazuyuki Fujita to take on Mutoh’s classmate, Masakatsu Funaki and Katsuhiko Nakajima, who Mutoh has known since he was a boy, and still calls affectionately “Katsuhiko”. Nakajima said he was going to break up this class reunion, and while Mutoh did get kicked (Nakajima smirked and said it was fun when Mutoh later complained his leg still hurt) but it was Fujita who got the worst of it. During the match, Nakajima pulled out Mutoh’s Space Rolling Elbow. Mutoh was initially not pleased, but then he became very happy to see it and said that he thought that “Katsuhiko” did it because he had some small measure of feeling for him. I think had Nakajima been a more acrobatic wrestler, Mutoh might have handed it to him. Mutoh won the match with The Shining Wizard, pinning Nakajima. This was Mutoh’s farewell to Nagoya, his classmate, his junior and Nakajima.

– 26th September: Hiroshi Tanahashi comes to the press conference and a tag match is announced

Hiroshi Tanahashi presented 38 roses to Mutoh when he came to the press conference. Each rose symbolizes a year of Mutoh’s career. Mutoh joked that he should have laid them at his feet, as had happened in boxing recently. Tanahashi said he wasn’t good at ad-libbing, and then introduced himself as “one of the greatest New Japan talents in the past one hundred years”. During the press conference, a tag match was announced. New Japan’s Hiroshi Tanahashi, Togi Makabe and Honma Tomoaki will team together against the team of Naomichi Marufuji, Keiji Mutoh and Keiji Mutoh. This will take place on the 30th October. Mutoh has not given up hope of appearing one final time in the New Japan ring.

– 16th October: A new match is announced

NOAH announced that due to fan demand, Keiji Mutoh will be appearing in Fukuoka. He will tag with Ninja Mack and Satoshi Kojima against Naomichi Marufuji, HAYATA and Jack Morris. Satoshi Kojima is of course connected to Mutoh through All Japan and New Japan, Naomichi Marufuji has wanted a match against Mutoh (he will be tagging with him as we know on the 30th October) and HAYATA has been a big fan of Mutoh for a while, as he has influenced a lot of his style and persona. HAYATA thinks of himself and The Great Muta as “The Phantom Team”. Muta doesn’t like to speak and HAYATA said, neither does he.

Naomichi Marufuji and Katsuhiko Nakajima head overseas

Naomichi Marufuji and Katsuhiko Nakajima will appear for Evolution Pro Wrestling in New York for their anniversary show on November 12th. Marufuji’s match is yet to be announced, but Nakajima will take on Josh Alexander. Alexander has said he wonders how Nakajima is going to kick after he snaps his ankle. They will also appear at King of Indies in San Francisco on November 19th.

NOSAWA vs Katsuhiko Nakajima (and Kenoh)

After being beaten up by Katsuhiko Nakajima who gave him some pretty stiff soccerball kicks outside the ring at Korakuen Hall recently, (although he would tell you that Nakajima tried to beat him up), NOSAWA Rongai has been on a quest to face Nakajima in a match. Then he threw in Kenoh, so it could be himself and Eita versus Kongoh. Hideki Suzuki told him that he was probably going to die, but NOSAWA has taken no notice and kept on with his demand. His demand has not been met because rather than facing Nakajima and Kenoh, NOAH have booked him against rookies Yasutaka Yano and Kai Fujimura. NOSAWA thinks he is having to go through some kind of trial.

ELSEWHERE IN NOAH

– Hideki Suzuki has hinted that perhaps Takashi Sugiura might like to get back online.

– Yoshiki Inamura and YO-HEY continued their guild, despite the fact that YO-HEY said someone attacked and burned their castle down. A picture was taken of YO-HEY and Inamura playing the game, with YO-HEY seated cross legged on Inamura, who was doing a bridge in the ring. We have seen Inamura used as a weight, but is he now used as furniture?

– NOAH’s Director, Narihiro Takeda, wrote on a NOAH Note that he would like for Darby Allin to come to NOAH one day.

– Tadasuke got a match thrown out by ripping off Alejandro’s mask. Tadasuke did not care, and did not even respond when Alejandro asked if he wanted a mask for himself?

– Daiki Inaba had his long awaited singles match with Katsuhiko Nakajima, but failed to revenge himself for Nakajima’s behavior in W-1. Nakajima even went for the cocky pin by grinning and leaning on Inaba.

– There was usual chaos at the NOAH Junior Space sessions as Daisuke Harada is not there to take control. Atsushi Kotoge seems to be the main culprit, forgetting to invite Seiki Yoshioka in and at one time even failing to press record.

– It’s probably best that Daiki Inaba, who apparently likes to be in the nip backstage, was not present when NOAH was at Differ. It was bad enough that Sugi used to wander around naked…

– Mitsuharu Misawa wrote in a diary entry for 2006 about filming an advert for THE LEAVE, and having to sing first thing in the morning while they were filming. Probably due to the fact that he had a problem with his throat anyway, was a heavy smoker and had taken “so many chops and kicks” to it in his career, he said he sounded very hoarse.

EVENT RECAPS AND POST MATCH PROMOS

SUNNY VOYAGE – September 19th 

Event recap

Post match promos

N-INNOVATION – September 21st 

Event recap

Post match promos

GRAND SHIP 2022 IN NAGOYA/KEIJI MUTOH RETIREMENT ROAD – September 25th

Event recap

Post match promos

CURRENT CHAMPIONS

  • GHC Heavyweight Champion: Kaito Kiyomiya
    Challenger: Kazuyuki Fujita, [Muto Retirement Road] ABEMA presents Ariake Gaisen-THE RETURN-PRO-WRESTLING LOVE FOREVER . 3 ~TRIUMPH~ Sunday 30th October, Ariake Arena, Tokyo
  • GHC Junior Champion: HAYATA
    Challenger: Ninja Mack, [Muto Retirement Road] ABEMA presents Ariake Gaisen-THE RETURN-PRO-WRESTLING LOVE FOREVER . 3 ~TRIUMPH~ Sunday 30th October, Ariake Arena, Tokyo
  • GHC Heavyweight Tag Champions: KojiSugi (Satoshi Kojima & Takashi Sugiura)
    Challengers: TBA
  • GHC Junior Tag Champions: The NOAH Junior Regulars (Atsushi Kotoge & Seiki Yoshioka)
    Challengers: Kongoh Juniors (Tadasuke & Hi69), [Muto Retirement Road] ABEMA presents Ariake Gaisen-THE RETURN-PRO-WRESTLING LOVE FOREVER . 3 ~TRIUMPH~ Sunday 30th October, Ariake Arena, Tokyo
  • GHC National Champion: Masakatsu Funaki
    Challenger: Masa Kitamiya, SUNNY VOYAGE 2022 – Friday September 30th (Bandaijima Multi-Purpose Square Ogama)

(This event will not be broadcast live, but hopefully this match will be shown via Instagram)

THIS WEEK IN NOAH

(October 2022 schedule)

– Friday, October 7th

STAR NAVIGATION 2022 – Korakuen Hall, Tokyo

Time: 18:30 JST

Broadcast: WrestleUniverse/ABEMA (live)

– Saturday, October 8th

STAR NAVIGATION 2022 – Korakuen Hall, Tokyo

Time: 18:30 JST

Broadcast: WrestleUniverse (live)

Note about broadcasts

Unless you are living in Japan or have a VPN you know is compatible with ABEMA, please do not subscribe to the service. For fans living outside of Japan, a subscription to WrestleUniverse would be better as they show more NOAH shows than ABEMA, and usually the events get uploaded very quickly. ABEMA broadcasts are only in Japanese, you can only watch them live, and this is the only NOAH they show. They do not broadcast old shows as these belong to Samurai TV.

BIRTHDAYS & ANNIVERSARIES

Wednesday, 5th October: Keiji Mutoh debut anniversary (38)

Wednesday, 5th October: Seiki Yoshioka debut anniversary (14)

LINKS

“I want to protect this belt for the rest of my life”, new GHC champion Kiyomiya holds morning press conference to establish a new NOAH landscape

Mutoh’s Retirement Road, tag match against Tanahashi in round three: “I want to grab the secret of secrets”, Tanahashi presents 38 roses

Great Muta teaming up with Sting for last match? “Agent” Mutoh’s opinion 

“I wonder if I can transmit more” YO-HEY aims to revitalize the junior ark with his first championship

AEW Shock! Great Muta appears in America! Rescues Sting and shake of hands

“Follow Me You Bastards” – Kenoh’s Weekly Pro Column

GHC Junior Match Signing: YO-HEY “Last Chance, I don’t think as my ex partner now”, HAYATA “I don’t feel anything”

“Taka & Satoshi” reveal a “dangerous detective” look, mischievous Suzuki is a reckless interpreter, the GHC tag signing ceremony is thrown into chaos by bizarre question and answer between the two teams

 A “Comrade” and an “Older Brother”, Masakatsu Funaki talks about his thoughts on Mutoh’s retirement, “I want to kick him mercilessly”

BOOK CORNER

“Donmai, Donmai” – Mitsuharu Misawa’s diary

With thanks to: Metal NOAH

GIF taken from WrestleUniverse & NOAH Official YouTube

Picture credit: YO-HEY & NOAH.co.jp


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Andrew’s IMPACT Wrestling Results & Match Ratings: 9.29.2022

Bound for Glory is 8 days away, but Victory Road just happened. What kind of show do we get with some fallout and penultimate hype?

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Victory Road just happened, but Bound for Glory is like 8 nights away? You know I forgot that it was such a quick turn around. That makes tonight weird, since there’s some fallout, but then there’s gonna be a lot of table setting for Bound for Glory.

This episode could be awful. The last week or so haven’t exactly set the world afire, so I’m curious if the highlight really is just gonna be the Monster’s Ball with Masha and Allie Katch.

*insert joke about possibly gagging and balls and Swinger’s Dungeon*

Ratings:

  • Bullet Club (Ace Austin & Chris Bey w/Juice Robinson) vs Trey Miguel & Laredo Kid: Bullet Club win via Finesse & Fold – **
  • IMPACT Digital Media Championship: Brian Myers (c) vs Crazzy Steve: Myers retains via Roster Cut – ** 1/2
  • Delirious vs Black Taurus: Black Taurus wins via Destination Hellhole – ** 1/4
  • PCO & Vincent vs Rich Swann & Heath: Rich wins via Phoenix Splash – ** 1/4
  • Pick Your Poison: Monster’s Ball Match: Masha Slamovich vs Allie Katch: Masha wins via Russian Death Device – *** 1/2

Results:

Bullet Club (Ace Austin & Chris Bey w/Juice Robinson) vs Trey Miguel & Laredo Kid

I don’t think I could care less about this match if I tried. Trey and Laredo are worthless. Laredo has eaten so many terrible losses and Trey is just bad. If the BC Juniors don’t win…I will really question the booking.

My biggest takeaway early is the commentary tries to put over Trey “turning heads”. No he doesn’t, he is legitimately hard to watch and everything that Will Ospreay did wrong in his early career; is basically Trey, but with less personality. Oh did you expect play by play? They isolate Laredo, decent tandem attacks, when Trey comes in it’s bad offense typical Cruiser garbage with laughable facials and body language.

Just typical crap with Trey. Were there some cool high spots? Sure. Do I care? NOPE.

IMPACT Digital Media Championship: Brian Myers (c) vs Crazzy Steve

Steve starts with some of his quirky mat wrestling, Arm Wringers into Drop Toe Holds and face biting. It shocked Myers early, but he takes a small shortcut and starts trying to slow down the psycho from Decay. Steve bounces off the ropes and Myers does his sliding trip move before commercial.

Back from commercial, Snapmare from Steve and the neck twister into some corner offense of Hip Attacks and Sentons for 2. Myers dodges King Kill 33, lands a few pot shots, Implant DDT for 2. Into the corner, face bite, Upside Down, after the rope break Myers grabs the referee to block Steve. Eye Poke, Roster Cut, AND STILL…

Simple, but entertaining. Plus it continues Myers’ arrogant, full of himself for absolutely no reason persona. Oh and he offers up an Open Challenge for Bound for Glory. Maybe Bobby Fish? Someone new? Could be interesting. 

Delirious vs Black Taurus

Delirious is between gibberish and Stone Cold early on while they’re just trading shots. Delirious twists the Nose Ring…in the mask…and Taurus sells it momentarily before stomping the foot and decking him. This is just a weird match. I mean we all know Delirious is weird, but he’s not all comedy; and Taurus is supposed to be legit-ish.

Admittedly, with the exception of Victory Road, it has been years since I’ve watched a Delirious match. So the level of ridiculousness has hit Toru Yano levels, especially after the 10 count Leg Drops. Taurus powders, comes back in, Shoulder Tackle, Blackhole Backbreaker into a Samoan Drop. As soon as Taurus looks in charge, Delirious throws together a combo, eats a Headbutt and then Destination Hellhole.

Sheesh okay after 2 interview segments we get to Honor No More’s victory celebration segment. Just a lot of talking and inaction, so this just goes to feed that weird feeling I had coming into the show because of the timing. Eddie does the usual thing where hates on PCO and accuses him of being the weak link, which is a smart story angle since the fans tend to like PCO’s gimmick and this makes him more sympathetic to casual observers. 

Oh good Taven is talking nowWait did I just say that? DAMN YOU IMPACT! Made me like Matt Taven. Maria stirs the pot a little saying that Eddie is a better wrestler than Josh and Moose…by the implications. 

Thank God, Josh Alexander finally breaks up the segment with…more talking. Okay never mind. Jesus since the end of the Delirious match it was like 15 minutes before Josh finally charged the ring and threw down a bit with Honor No More. Rich Swann and Heath make a bit of the babyface save for Josh, but the numbers are still on Honor No More’s side. Oh MCMG come down in a tracksuit and dress clothes! Someone wasn’t ready to be doing a run in.

PCO & Vincent vs Rich Swann & Heath

Well isn’t that convenient that four of the men in the donnybrook were supposed to be in a match anyway.

Rich uses his quickness to try and stay ahead of PCO, but PCO cuts him off in the corner into the Corner Hung Codebreaker, then the leaned against the ropes Leg Drop thing. Vincent throws together a T-Bone Suplex into a Flatliner and keeps the vibes flowing on Rich Swann.

PCO clears out Heath, but PCO’s hand gets stuck in the ropes. Vincent eats a flip kick and the Phoenix Splash while PCO and Heath are brawling on the outside after the rope issue with PCO.

Pick Your Poison: Monster’s Ball Match: Masha Slamovich vs Allie Katch

Haymakers and Headbutts start things off as they both hit the ropes and lay out one another with dual clotheslines. Trash can lid duel, Masha gets first contact, but Allie blocks and returns 3 shots. German Suplex from Masha into whipping her with a chain, some choking and then general pulling with the chain in Katch’s mouth or around her eyes. Katch claws at Masha’s eyes to try and get some space.

Headbutts and Biting from Masha as Allie tries to power out of a Bow and Arrow. More chain choking…I’m not sure if this is a wrestling match or BDSM prep at the moment. Ahh Masha needs more Cowbell but Allie cuts her off with a trash can lid. Allie tries a Piledriver through a door, but Masha turns it into an Air Raid Crash into the opposite corner.

Commercial break, and Allie is getting choked again. Spots get a little redundant, slams, chokes, and blood. OHHH – it’s a “Use the Door” chant. I thought it was – nah – I won’t say what I thought it was. Chairshot from Masha misses, but a Snap Suplex from Masha onto the chair gets some usefulness. Straight Right to the gut and an Axe Kick allows Masha to hit the Death Valley Driver onto the propped up chair. Masha goes back to biting after it was only 2. Allie cuts off Masha going to the top, Superplex onto the trash can lid, into a Death Valley Driver through the door – but Masha kicks out.

Allie tries a Piledriver on the apron a few times, but Masha blocks. Masha tries for the Release German to the floor but Allie holds on. Dazed strikes, bites and then a Russian Leg Sweep through the table lays both out for a short time. Masha grabs a black bag, it’s gotta be tacks for Monster’s Ball. Masha eats a few tacks for good show, picks up Allie but Allie fights. Piledriver into the tacks from Allie, only 2. Allie opens a trash can, and empties a bunch of cut up soda cans. Hits Masha with the can, Masha fires, Spinning Heel Kick and then Russian Death Device into the pile of tacks and cans.

Overall Score: 6.25/10

The main event was pretty good, maybe even a little better than I gave it credit for; I’m just sick of seeing some crazy hardcore match so often from Impact. It feels like its weekly, and that’s too damn much. Trey is terrible, and that’s a hill I’m willing to die on. He sells poorly, he doesn’t tell a story with his wrestling and he looks like an idiot pretending to be something he isn’t; and that’s talented.

Myers is fine with his classic delusional heel style, Delirious gave a bit of a rub to Taurus so I’m guessing he’s probably next up in the X Division. But a straight 15 minutes of interviews and talking is just too damn much especially when the surrounding wrestling isn’t very good or hearty enough to help people tolerate talking time.

I do however love Joe Hendry. So…yeah. There’s always some quirky gimmicks that just resonate well with me, and this is gorgeous.

All in all, decent enough; though next week could be a real banger of a Go Home.


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