Remember last week when I said there were a few albums I was interested in this month, and instead I picked the hot garbage from Three Days Grace? Well I’m fairly sure we’ll be remedying that this week.
Now, I can’t be the only person that got swept up in his laid back stoner delivery on all his VICELAND shows, right? I didn’t know who the hell he was until a few years ago between Fuck, That’s Delicious and his ridiculous skit/talk show. So with that context on how I found out about him, I kinda forgot he did music. So as soon as I saw he had a recent release, it was on my short list to follow up on.
I’m looking forward to some trippy, borderline nonsensical stoner thoughts over a beat machine. And if it’s even better than that, well that’s all gravy.
- Artist: Action Bronson
- Album: Cocodrillo Turbo (2022)
- Label: Loma Vista
- Total Track Time: 30:03
Hound Dog starts off with some glass shattering and a slow trippy surfer guitar tone…with lions roaring as well? Okay this is the stoner vibe I was looking for, already hitting it out the park. Not a ton to this intro song, but it’s definitely fun, lyrics about giraffes on his back, naked smoking drugs in a downpour or something. I’d say this sets the stage nicely. Tongpo feat Conway the Machine the surfer guitar sticks around along with a little…recorder noise and that damn lion roar. ” And I’m your bitch’s first selection when it comes to penis, Have her squirting in the car while we listen to a T-Pain G-Mix, Come down the spiral staircase like hair on Hasidics, hail Caesar” , I popped way too hard for the spiral staircase like hair on Hasidics line, but it’s an interest few lines. Conway does have a great line, “Now I beat up mics like Shaq and Penny – Magic (Talk to ’em)”, it’s nice wordplay and shouting out the 90s Magic is something you don’t hear much since they were relevant for like 3 years and then imploded. Estaciones feat Hologram it’s slower with piano, and its one of those clever songs I just sit and listen to. The second verse sounds like it’s going to be Hologram‘s but Bronson jumps in for a few bars and then finishes the verse by apologizing and telling him to go again, so the first few lines of the third verse are exactly the same from Hologram. It’s just good comedy, granted Hologram’s lyrics are kind of cliche and uninspired. Not awful just the lyrical version of a layup.
Jaws is the shortest song on the album, but really well put together and clever talking about babyface turned heel and snortin coke with Michael Irvin. Solid bars. Subzero feels like some crazy string of barely connecting thoughts that circle around to him just being a cold piece of work. Lionel Richie, James Brown, John Wick and John Randle lines. Turkish feat Meyhem Lauren a weird backing track, but it definitely works. “Have you holding something frozen on your cheek, Swinging double hundred pound clubs from Persia like The Sheik”, it’s also really cool how he finds interesting ways to fit in less obvious wrestlers. We know from his talk show that he’s big into wrestling since Rob Van Dam and Sabu were on it (just off the top of my head). Jaguar holy hell this is a great song and maybe it’s been a jaguar in the background of songs and not a lion. I’m not super up on my “Large cats of the wilderness growls”. But great metaphors, spinning a fat joke about looking like a bison into, “Nah, I’m M Bison” and even throws in a mention to Edge about jumping off ladders. Just a smooth song that cuts with every bar. And soo damn many references.
Zambezi feat Roc Marciano for a change the feature actually goes clever with his verse instead of stupid. Marciano hits a New Edition Candy Girl reference throwing in a little Led Zeppelin as well. This just has a funky but really laid back vibe, and just moves super easy from the start to finish. Groovy stuff. Ninety One well now I wasn’t expecting these first few lines, “They say Bronson disappeared like the AIDS from Magic Johnson’s dick, Truth be told, I been rehearsing for a role but daddy back, The Cadillac, could fit like eighty Shaqs, eleven baby MACs, five scud missiles, Let the cocodrillo tongue kiss you (Mwah)”, all of this over some like Jackson 5/Motown style sample beat. A string of great references and metaphors, just still left a little dazed from how hard the open started. Storm of the Century feat Yung Mehico this feels like more a lounge song with the slow and deliberate guitar strum, and it turns out that Yung Mehico plays the saxophone. Bronson goes through one verse and we head out with the guitar strum and a bit of the saxophone.
I think…I got what I expected. His shows were a string of references, random stuff, wrestling, drugs and just massive stoner thoughts. This…this felt like the same; that’s not really a bad thing. At points I felt like the overuse of the “TURBO” in the quieter parts of the songs was jarring and not in a good way, but that’s not a major complaint. Jaguar is probably still my favorite song off this, but Estaciones with that interruption verse is just quality entertainment.
So yeah it was an experience, if I didn’t already have an idea for his personality/style, this would probably be a bit of a disjointed mess (you know if I took the super pretentious music snob route). But given what I know, this was pretty damn good, great references, cold bars, and relatable at least for me since it was 90s centric wordplay.
Final Judgment: 7.65/10
Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu Results & Report! (1/31/23)
The Bracket of Courage!
The Legend of Zelda: The Ring of Destiny, Chapter 39
HPW’s Fourth Annual Triforce Tournament continues, and the opening round wraps up with the Bracket of Courage! And LINK IS BACK!! Will the Hero of Hyrule win the tournament all over again?
- Bracket of Courage: Ralph VS Kēvín Gibdo; Kēvín wins and advances.
- Bracket of Courage: Cia VS Harlequin; Harlequin wins and advances.
- Bracket of Courage: Fin Balure VS Garo Master; Fin wins and advances.
- Bracket of Courage: Link VS Volga; Link wins and advances.
PLAY BY PLAY
HPW and HXS TV set the scene!
Are you ready four the finish? The Bracket of Courage closes the opening round, and this could be the biggest moment in the tournament already! First: Kēvín is coming off his win to become the Gibdo of All Gibdos, but he takes on the young and hungry Lad from Labrynna! Second: The Faces of Evil have Harlequin representing them in hopes of increasing their odds. Third: Fin Balure is furiously determined to redeem himself from losing the HPW Termina Championship to the man now simply known as Ganon.
And last but far from least, we see the return of LINK! The Hero of Hyrule returns from the brutal Blood Match at Clash of Fates, but can he show that there is no fate but what we make? Who survives this insane first round line-up? The HPW Triforce Tournament in Eldin Canyon reaches the finale, now!
Ralph VS Kēvín Gibdo!
The Lad from Labrynna is still looking for his chance to shine, but he’s running into the Gibdo of All Gibdos! Will Ralph be able to survive into the second round? Or will Kēvín’s transformation bring about a second coming for The Dark Forces?
The bell rings and the two circle. Fans rally as the two approach, they tie up and Kevin easily powers Ralph to a corner. Ralph shouts for the ropebreak and the ref counts. Kevin lets off, but he keeps his eyes on Ralph as he backs up. Ralph comes back, feels out a grapple with Kevin, and they tie up again. Kevin again powers Ralph back, and they end up on the ropes. Ralph shouts again and the ref counts again, and Kevin lets off again, still staring Ralph down as he backs up. Ralph gets annoyed by that, and he rushes right up. But Kevin throws him aside! Ralph staggers up to his feet and ends up in a corner and fans cheer.
Ralph dusts himself off, storms back up on Kevin, and he throws a big forearm! Kevin’s head turns to the side, but then he looks right back at Ralph! Ralph throws another forearm, but again Kevin just looks back at Ralph. Ralph throws forearm after forearm, then winds up, but Kevin choke grips him! CHOKE- NO, Ralph slips free of the slam! Ralph goes for that arm, but Kevin fights off the takedown. Kevin whips Ralph away to ropes, then scoops him! SIDEWALK SLAM! Cover, TWO! Fans rally while Kevin stands over Ralph. Ralph drags himself up with Kevin’s leg, then he throws body shots. But Kevin CLUBS him back down!
Kevin pushes Ralph to the ropes and CHOKES him! The ref reprimands and counts, and Kevin lets off at 4. Ralph sputters, Kevin CLUBS him on the back again! Kevin whips Ralph to ropes, but Ralph holds ropes to stop himself. Kevin runs in but Ralph BOOTS him back! Ralph KICKS Kevin in the leg, then again, and again! Kevin hobbles, Ralph pursues, but Kevin ROCKS him with a right! Ralph flops against the ropes and fans fire up. Kevin stands Ralph up to bump him off buckles. Kevin brings Ralph around to another corner and bumps him off more buckles. Kevin goes for a third corner, but Ralph blocks that buckle bump!
Ralph throws body shots, he backs Kevin down, and fans are torn. Ralph KICKS Kevin in the leg again, then KICKS him in the other leg. Ralph SOBATS, runs, but Kevin CLOBBERS him! Fans fire up as Kevin stands over Ralph again. Kevin drags Ralph up, then choke grips! Ralph CLUBS the arm, kicks Kevin low, and is free! Ralph fireman’s carries Kevin! But Kevin is too heavy for him and Ralph drops to his knees! Kevin ELBOWS Ralph, choke grips again, and CHOKE SLAMS! Cover, TWO!! Ralph survives and fans fire up! But Kevin keeps cool and he waits on Ralph to stand back up. Ralph crawls to a corner, drags himself up, and Kevin runs in to SPLASH!
Kevin scoops Ralph to SNAKE EYES! Kevin runs to BOOT Ralph down! Fans fire up while Kevin slashes his throat! Kevin drags Ralph up, gut wrenches, and he hits a TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER! Cover, Kevin wins!
Winner: Kēvín Gibdo, by pinfall (advances to the next round)
Another win for the Gibdo of All Gibdos, and it was the fastest win in the whole tournament! Maybe in this tournament’s history! Will he keep this momentum going until he is the champion of all champions?
Cia VS Harlequin!
Speaking of The Dark Forces, the Dark Sorceress now steps up to represent. But will she beat the literal Bokoblin clown to then face her teammate? Or will this Face of Evil be laughing all the way to the bank?
Harlequin is already laughing at the bell. He and Cia circle, feel things out, but Harlequin’s laughter is annoying Cia. Cia kicks low, CLUBS Harlequin on the back, then clamps on a headlock. Harlequin powers out, then dodges Cia to run and run her over on the return. Harlequin laughs some more, but Cia gets up to kick him again. Cia wrenches an arm to a wristlock, Harlequin reaches for ropes, but Cia brings him away. Harlequin rolls, spins, wrenches, and wrangles Cia down with a top wristlock! Fans boo but Harlequin just laughs. Cia sits up, rolls back, and arm-drags Harlequin away. Harlequin comes back, but into another arm-drag!
Cia has the armlock and she grinds Harlequin, but he keeps laughing! Harlequin moves around, gets to his feet, and he goes around and around with Cia to whip her into the corner hard! Cia staggers back, into a SIDE LEG SWEEP! Harlequin then gets the legs for a LEG TRAP CRADLE! TWO! Cia gets free and fans rally up, but Harlequin still smiles. Harlequin stalks Cia, clamps onto her with a chinlock, and he leans on the hold, grinning the whole time. Cia endures, fans rally up, and Cia reaches out for ropes. Harlequin brings her away from the ropes, but Cia slips around and lifts Harlequin for and atomic drop!
Harlequin clutches his butt, but still manages to laugh. It’s more “Oho ho ho” than “Hahaha” right now, but he’s technically smiling and laughing. Cia kicks Harlequin low again, brings him around, and lifts for another atomic drop! Harlequin hops around, still clutching his butt and going “Oho ho ho.” Cia storms up again but Harlequin blocks the kick this time. Harlequin wags his finger, and DRAGON SCREWS the leg! Harlequin laughs while he holds onto the leg, for a GROUND DRAGON SCREW! Harlequin has the leg again, but Cia kicks him with the other. Cia kicks Harlequin away, but Harlequin cartwheels through!
Fans boo as Harlequin laughs while creeping around the ropes. Cia shakes out the bad leg as she stands up, just completely at a loss over Harlequin’s behavior. Cia and Harlequin circle, approach, and they tie up. Harlequin wrenches an arm, but then goes after the bad leg! Harlequin trips Cia, has a standing toehold, and he stands on the other leg while twisting the ankle! Cia endures, reaches for ropes but she’s too far. Cia shakes her legs free, and she kicks Harlequin away again. Harlequin rushes back in but Cia sidesteps him. Harlequin rebounds off ropes, but Cia kicks low! But that’s Cia’s bad leg!
Cia shakes her leg out, runs, but Harlequin dropkicks her legs out! Cia hobbles, Harlequin reels her in and hits a DDT! Cover, TWO! Harlequin still laughs as he clamps onto Cia’s leg. Harlequin turns Cia over, to SMASH the knee into the mat! Cia clutches the leg, but Harlequin grabs at it again. Cia scrambles and gets the ROPEBREAK! The ref counts, Harlequin KICKS Cia’s bad leg as he lets off. Fans boo but Harlequin still smiles. Cia goes out to the apron to shake out the bad leg, but then Harlequin runs in to WRECK Cia with a dropkick! Cia falls to the floor and fans boo even harder, but Harlequin is busting up laughing!
Harlequin goes out after Cia but the ref tells him to get in the ring. Harlequin grabs at Cia’s bad leg, but she again kicks at him with her good leg. She gets him under the chin and Harlequin lets go. He laughs and says, “Okay, okay, sorry.” But then he turns around into a SHOTGUN DROPKICK! They both go down and fans fire up! Harlequin isn’t laughing anymore! He sits up and grumbles, “Lucky shot!” Cia gets up and back into the ring, but Harlequin pursues. Cia hobbles, and Harlequin CHOP BLOCKS her. Fans boo and Cia clutches her leg again, but Harlequin drags her right up. SHINBREAKER! Cia falls, Harlequin pushes her down and covers, TWO!
Harlequin is annoyed but the fans rally for Cia. Harlequin drags Cia up, grabs the leg again, and lifts her, SHIN- NO, Cia sunset flips through! TWO, and they both get up quick! Harlequin rushes in for the leg but Cia slips around him for a BACKSTABBER! But that’s double-edged given the bad leg! Cia still crawls after Harlequin and grabs at an arm! Harlequin resists the crossface, but Cia throws down elbows into his shoulder! Cia grapevines the arm and has the BLACK MAGIC CROSSFACE! Harlequin endures while fans fire up! Harlequin flails around, reaches out, and Cia’s struggling to hold his arm back with her bad leg!
Cia loses the grapevine and Harlequin crawls forward with both arms! But Cia just shifts into a BULLY CHOKE! Harlequin endures, fans chant for him to “TAP! TAP! TAP!” but Harlequin lurches forward to get the ROPEBREAK! Fans boo, the ref counts, and Cia lets off at 4. Cia hobbles away while Harlequin sputters and catches his breath. Fans rally for “CIA! CIA!” as she watches Harlequin. Harlequin stands up, Cia storms over and throws haymakers! Cia CLUBS Harlequin over and over, then whips him to ropes. Harlequin ducks ‘n’ dodges, then hits a NECKBREAKER DROP! Harlequin dances around as he waits on Cia to get back up.
Cia stands, Harlequin kicks her low and reels her in, but Cia powers out of the facelock! Harlequin storms up but into a SCORPION KICK! Cia reels Harlequin in for a CODE BREAKER! Cover, TWO! Cia hobbles again, and she waits on Harlequin to stand up. Cia jumps up, BACKSTAB- NO! Harlequin holds ropes and Cia falls on her back! Harlequin grabs Cia’s bad leg, uses that to roll her back to her feet, and then dragon sleepers! TWISTING NECKBREAKER!! Cover, Harlequin wins!
Winner: Harlequin, by pinfall (advances to the next round)
Harlequin’s “Twisted Sense of Humor” takes down the Dark Sorceress! Cia won’t have to worry about facing her teammate now, but will Kevin avenge her? Or will the Faces of Evil continue to dominate the tournament?
HPW hears from The UnderWorld Order!
Hollywood ReDead, Gomess, Death Sword and Ted Beedle Ossi defeat another group of Stalfos Bokoblins, aka Stalkoblins. Well, ReDead, Gomess and Death Sword do, Beedle was cowering behind a shield. The group continues moving through the dark maze that is the Thyphlo ruins, but then they stop. They look around, and Gomess asks, “Have we been going around in circles?” ReDead says, “I don’t know! The torches are all the same, I can’t tell if we’ve seen these before or if they’re new!” Death Sword shouts, “Then how the [censored] are we supposed to find where they put Āléx?!” The three start arguing, but Beedle speaks up.
Beedle looks past them and points to a glowing in the distance. “Could that be it?” The others look over, and there’s an eerie green-blue light. ReDead asks, “Is that blue fire?” Gomess says, “It’s more like green fire.” Death Sword says, “I dunno, it’s a bit of both. Y’know, like teal or aquamarine.” The others ask, “What?” Death Sword is a bit embarrassed but ReDead has them all move on towards the light. As they approach, they notice the light moving. It goes up gently, stays put for a second, then comes back down gently, and repeat. Beedle asks, “Is it… breathing?” The uWo gets closer, and they see the light is coming from an orb.
And that orb is attached to a chain that forms a necklace, around someone, or something, very, very big. Gomess whispers, “Is that Hinox?” Death Sword whispers, “The hell is he doing here?” ReDead whispers, “And what is with the glowing ball around his neck?” Beedle whispers, “It has to be something important, obviously! Let’s take it!” The four creep closer, and they each look to each other. They all expect someone else to grab the glowing ball, and this turns into a whispered argument. Eventually, Death Sword is volunteered as the tallest of them. Death Sword reaches out, but then Hinox’s one big eye opens up!
“So they were right!” Hinox says as he sits up. “You guys did decide to walk in here to get Alex back!” Beedle corrects Hinox, it’s “Āléx.” “That’s what I said. Alex.” “No, you keep saying it Al, Lex. It’s Ay, Lex.” Hinox and Beedle go back and forth with “Alex” and “Āléx,” and ReDead tells them to stop! ReDead asks about the glowing ball, and Hinox says, “Oh, this is the key to getting Alex back.” Beedle says, “Āléx, and I was right! We gotta get the ball!” The uWo, except for Beedle, jump on Hinox! They CLUB away on Hinox, but Hinox explodes out! Hinox ROCKS ReDead with a right, pushes Gomess away, then BOOTS Death Sword!
Gomess comes back, throws hands, but Hinox HEADBUTTS Gomess! Death Sword swings on Hinox but Hinox blocks Death Sword’s punch, to then HEADBUTT Death Sword! But ReDead grabs at the ball! ReDead pulls on the chain and it starts to choke Hinox! Hinox shouts for ReDead to stop, but ReDead keeps pulling! Hinox grabs at the chain, unlocks it, and ReDead staggers away as he has the whole thing! The uWo regroup and Hinox grumbles. “Fine, you can have it. The center of the ruins is just over that way. There’ll be a special platform for you to put the ball in, and that’ll raise a special platform, and, well, you’ll see.”
The uWo head off, find the space Hinox described, and see a square pedestal with the same teal light glowing from it. There’s an indentation, the ball is placed in it, and both square and ball go from teal to orange light. And up from the ground just ahead rises a conical shaped structure! Glowing in a similar orange light is the eye-shaped symbol of the Sheikah. “Of course it’s the Sheikah,” ReDead grumbles. “Whatever. Āléx must be inside there.” ReDead leads the way and they all walk inside, only a platform glowing blue. The platform lowers, revealing itself to be an elevator. The uWo enters inside a large underground space that feels both futuristic, yet ancient.
The space is lit by glowing blue pyramids atop sculpted stone. There are also blue runes running along the walls, with water shimmering as it reflects that light. But what the uWo focuses on is the sarcophagus from HyruleMania! They all rush forward, knowing Āléx is inside! Beedle knocks on the sarcophagus, asking if Āléx is okay in there. No answer. Gomess and Death Sword try prying it open but it is sealed shut. Then the group notices the runes on the sarcophagus.
ReDead asks, “What language is this? Wingdings?” Beedle says it’s just Sheikah. Beedle gets out his Sheikah Slate to translate. ReDead rolls his eyes and says, “Oh of course. Create a special alphabet, then sell a device that can translate it. Scam artists.” Beedle tells him to shut up and listen. “If the… U… W… O… Wait, us? If the uWo is… reading this… We’ve got two words for ya, dot dot dot. Oh wait a minute!” ReDead is pissed at the “smug” Sheikah for trolling them, and he starts beating on the sarcophagus! The others tell him to stop, that’s not helping things! ReDead says, “Whatever! Let’s just get this outta here and figure it out later.”
They haul the sarcophagus back to the elevator, it goes up, but things get really crowded once they return to the surface. With a lot of arguing, cursing, and Beedle shouting, “PIVOT! PIVOT!” the uWo figures out how to get the sarcophagus out of the cone and they hurry to retrace their steps. But then more Stalkoblins show up! Or perhaps, the ones they beat up earlier are back on their boney feet? Either way, the uWo does their best to run past them to avoid fighting again. But there are so many, they end up making some really sharp turns, lose control, and lose hold of the sarcophagus! IT ENDS UP HITTING A TORCH AND CATCHING ON FIRE!!
“AAAAALEEEX~!” they all shout! “NOOO~!” The sarcophagus is burning, but then BLAM!! Alex busts out of it!! But he’s on fire, too!! Alex shakes free of the burning rags, and the flames cast his silhouette. Alex looks at the uWo (and into the camera) with piercing teal eyes. What has been reborn from the ashes that was Alex the Gibdo? And with the HPW Trios Championship #1 Contenders Gauntlet on the horizon, will this be the second life of the UnderWorld Order?
Fin Balure VS Garo Master!
The Zora Rock ‘n’ Rolla lost the Termina Championship at HyruleMania, but he looks to redeem himself by aiming for a bigger prize! Will the leader of Arrow Club hit the mark? Or will he lose to one of the Three Great Masters?
The bell rings and fans sing, “GAROOO~! GARO, GARO, GARO~! GAROOO~! GAROOO~!” but plenty of fans chant, “Arrow Club! Arrow Club!” Fin and Garo Master circle, tie up, and go around. They end up on ropes, go around, and Fin has control. The ref counts, Fin lets off with a pat on the shoulder. Garo keeps cool and circles with Fin again. Fans rally and duel, the two tie up again, and Fin wrenches to a wristlock. Garo rolls, kips up, wrenches and hammerlocks, but Fin switches that onto him. Fin wrenches to a wristlock, but Garo spins, backflips, and wrenches back! Fans applaud this exchange, but Fin rolls, spins and then arm-drags Garo.
Fin keeps on the armlock, Garo headscissors back, but Fin kips free. The two stand off and fans fire up! Fin nods while he and Garo reset. They circle again, fans rally up, and the two tie up again. Fin headlocks and grinds, but Garo powers up and out. Fin runs Garo over but Garo kips right back up! Things speed up, Garo rolls to dodge, then handsprings back! Garo runs to RANA Fin out of the ring! Fans fire up and Garo builds speed, to fake Fin out and do handsprings in place! Fans cheer but Fin is upset that Garo is showing off. Fin grabs a chair! The ref tells him no, put the chair down. Fin stands the chair up in the corner to take a seat.
Fans applaud as Fin eggs Garo on. Garo runs in, Fin kicks but Garo blocks it! Garo throws the foot down and rushes in, but Fin sends him into the chair! Fans lose their minds as the chair crunches! The ref checks Garo, but Fin snatches another chair from the timekeeper’s area! The ref tells Fin to put that chair down, but Fin again sits it up. Fin drags Garo over and sits down in the chair while he clamps on a neck wrench! Fans cheer the cheekiness while Garo endures! The ref counts, Fin lets off and the ref takes this chair away. Fin drags Garo up but Garo throws body shots. Fans chant “We Want Tables!” but this isn’t No Disqualifications!
Garo UPPERCUTS Fin, then runs, but into a DROPKICK! Fin covers, ONE!! Garo gets to ropes while Fin scowls. Fin drags Garo up, fans rally and Fin clamps on the abdominal stretch! Garo resists but Fin powers up to tighten it. Fin taunts Garo by “pulling the bow string” to shoot an imaginary arrow at him. Garo endures, but Fin shoves him down to a cover, TWO! Garo goes to a corner, Fin storms up and stomps him down. Fin sits Garo up, goes corner to corner and back again, to HESITATION DROPKICK! Cover, TWO! Garo is still in this but Fin keeps focus. Fans rally and duel, Fin drags Garo up and bumps him off buckles. Fin CHOPS and Garo flounders while his chest is stinging!
The “WOO~!” echoes out, and then fans chant, “One More Time!” Garo shakes his head but Fin puts him in another corner, to CHOP! Garo staggers and stumbles but Fin stalks up behind him. Fin bumps Garo off buckles, hushes the crowd, and he CHOPS again! Garo leans against the ropes as his chest stings even more. Fin whips Garo corner to corner, runs in and CHOPS again! And CHOPS! And CHOPS, CHOPS, but Garo CHOPS in return! Garo CHOPS and CHOPS and CHOPS, but Fin isn’t affected! Fin CHOPS Garo again and Garo sits down in the corner! Fans cheer that stinging exchange and Fin dusts himself off.
Fin whips Garo corner to corner but Garo reverses hard! Garo RAMS into Fin, goes to the apron, ENZIGURIS, then springboard MISSILE DROPKICKS! Fans fire up as Fin flounders out of the ring! Garo builds speed, goes up and up and SPRINGBOARD SOMERSAULT SEATED SENTONS!! Direct hit at the ramp and fans are thunderous as Garo lands on his feet! Garo drags Fin up and puts him in the ring. “That was Awesome!” but then Garo springboards for a FLYING LARIAT! And then STANDING MOONSAULT! Cover, TWO! Garo drags Fin to a drop zone as fans rally and duel hard as ever! Garo climbs up, leaps, but Fin gets under!
Garo keeps moving, he comes back but Fin moves! Garo goes Spider-Man in the ropes, but Fin SHOTGUNS him out to the floor! Fans fire up again as now Fin… just rolls out of the ring. Fin smirks and fans boo for being trolled. Fin bumps Garo off the apron, then brings him around the way. Fin whips Garo, but Garo reverses and Fin hits railing hard! So hard, that the railing moves! Fans are thunderous again as Fin drags himself from where he ended up in the crowd. Garo borrows an idea from Fin and sits a chair up nearby. Garo sits Fin in the chair, and CHOPS him! Garo shakes out his hand, goes to the other corner, and runs in, into a CHOP from Fin!
Fans “WOO~!” and Garo is furious as his chest is stinging again! Fin brings Garo around, sits him down, and gets space! Fin runs in to SHOTGUN Garo against the railing! Fans fire up as Garo flops out of the chair! Fin puts Garo in the ring and then he climbs up the corner. Garo stands, Fin DIVING DOUBLE STOMPS anyway!! Cover, TWO?!? Garo survives and Fin can’t believe it! But the fans are thunderous again! “This is Awesome!” as Fin drags Garo up, but Garo fights the Half Hatch! Garo wrenches and hooks a leg, but Fin fights the lift! Garo pushes Fin away to then ROUNDHOUSE! But Fin PELES! Both men are down and fans are loving this!
A standing count begins as fans rally up harder than ever. Garo sputters and crawls to ropes, as does Fin. They are in opposite corners, and they stand at 5 of 10. Garo runs corner to corner, but Fin dodges! Fin CHOPS, whips corner to corner, but Garo goes up and over and keeps moving! Garo jumps to DOUBLE STOMP Fin down! STANDING SHOOTING STAR! Then a deadlift LEG CAPTURE SUPLEX! Bridging cover, TWO!!! Fin survives, Garo is stunned, and fans are electric! Garo steps over Fin, positions him in the drop zone, and then goes up top. GARO 630- NO! Garo has to bail out as Fin moves! Fin LARIATS Garo down!!
Fin hurries to drag Garo up in a dragon sleeper! BLOODY SUNDAY!! Cover, TWO?!?! Garo survives Fin’s best shot and no one can believe it! Fin drags Garo back up, dead weight as he is, for the- NO, Garo slips free of the Depth Charge! SCREW HIGH KICK!! Fin staggers about, Garo wrenches and NORTHERN LIGHTS! Bridge and a roll through, to a deadlift BRAINBUSTER! Cover, TWO!?! Fans hope these two “FIGHT FOREVER!” but this has to end somehow! Garo goes up top again, he takes aim, GARO 630 CRASHES DOWN!! Fin avoids disaster, then goes up top! COUP DE GRACE!!! And then DEPTH CHARGE!!! Cover, Fin wins!!
Winner: Fin Balure, by pinfall (advances to the next round)
The Zora Rock ‘n’ Rolla just rocked Garo Master and takes him out of the tournament! After a red hot start like that, will Fin go all the way to the top?
Link VS Volga!
Just when we didn’t think we’d see him again, the Hero of Hyrule returns! Will Link once again win the Triforce Tournament to get back to the Triforce Championship? Or will the Dragon Knight burn down this comeback story before it even begins?
Talk about a comeback, Link brought out his original green tights from the original tournament! Fans chant “Welcome Back! Welcome Back!” as he makes his way to the ring. Volga shows respect with a handshake, and fans cheer the sportsmanship. The bell rings and the two circle. They feel out the grapple, but Link backs up. Link shakes out his hands, and fans rally up as he and Volga reset. They tie up, are in a deadlock, and Volga wrenches an arm. Volga wristlocks, but Link rolls, spins, kips up, but he wobbles and Volga wrangles him back down. Volga has a top wristlock, but Link bridges to keep his shoulders up.
Link rolls, turns the wristlock onto Volga, but Volga rolls and spins. Volga kips up smoothly, but Link arm-drags Volga down to an armlock! Volga headscissors, Link kips free, but Volga arm-drags. Link headscissors, Volga kips free, the to stand off, and fans applaud the exchange. Link is clearly working off that ring rust, but he isn’t letting it deter him. Link shakes his hands out again as he circles with Volga. They tie up again, are in another deadlock, but Volga headlocks. Volga grinds Link, but Link throws body shots. Link powers up but can’t power out as Volga holds on tight. Volga eggs Link on, and Link throws more body shots.
Link powers Volga into a corner, referee Sahasrahla counts, and fans applaud as the two slowly let off. Link and Volga reset again and fans rally back up. They feel things out, but Volga shoots in to get around to waistlock. Link fights the lift, throws elbows, but Volga lets him spin around. Link fights the Northern Lights, CLUBS Volga, then goes to suplex. Volga fights that, then he goes to suplex. Link resists, and the two fight for suplex control. Volga suplexes Link up and over! Volga floats to the cover, TWO! Volga clamps onto Link with a chinlock and grinds Link down. Link endures and fans rally up but Volga leans all his weight on him.
Volga eggs Link on more, and Link fights up. Link pries at the chinlock, slips out the back and hammerlocks, but Volga switches the hammerlock onto Link. Link reaches around, working on an escape. Link sits, rolls, reels Volga in for a monkey flip! Link holds onto the arm as he rolls back, and he sits Volga up! Volga ducks the knee and rolls Link up! TWO, both men get up, but they each block the other’s superkick! Fans fire up while Link and Volga tell each other to let go. They argue about it, and then agree to slowly let each other down. They both set the other’s foot down, let go, and stand back up. Fans applaud, but then Volga ENZIGURIS!
Link staggers, fans boo, but Volga storms up to whip Link to a corner. Volga runs in to back elbow, then whips Link corner to corner. Volga runs in again, but Link dodges! Link runs back in to RAM his shoulder in! Link then slips out to the apron and pushes Volga from the corner. Link hesitates, but he still slingshots for the SLING- NO, Volga ducks the Sling Shot lariat and runs, to SLINGBLADE! Volga fires up, he waits on Link to stand back up, and then runs in to SLINGBLADE again! Fans boo while Volga goes to the corner. Volga climbs up, takes aim, for the FROG SPLASH! Cover, TWO!! Link survives and fans are shocked at how close that was!
Link rolls out of the ring and staggers to the railing. Volga builds speed to DIVE! Direct hit and Link is sent back into the railing! Volga gets back in the ring and builds speed again, to DIVE again! Another direct hit! Fans are torn as Volga goes into the ring again. Volga builds speed once again, but Link slides in! Volga slows down enough to just tumble out of the ring, and he turns around into Link’s DIVE! Fans fire up as Volga hits railing now! Link roars and fans fire up more, and then he gets in the ring. Link builds speed and he DIVES again! Now they’re even! Link then puts Volga back in the ring and covers, TWO!
Link pounds the mat and fans rally behind him. Link drags Volga back up, throws forearms, then spins, but Volga ducks the rolling elbow! Volga runs and returns, SLING- NO, Link throws Volga away. Volga storms back up, but into a SUPERKICK! Volga wobbles, Link wrenches his arm to HOOK SHOT! Link then reels Volga in to fireman’s carry, for BOMBOS MEDALLION! Cover, TWO! Volga survives but Link keeps his cool. Link goes up top now, but Volga hits the ropes! Link gets tripped up and lands on his sword! Link winces as he sits up, but Volga is right on him! Volga brings Link up, but Link resists the superplex!
Fans fire up as Link throws body shots but Volga CLUBS him on the back. Volga CLUBS Link again, but Link throws more body shots. Link then throws forearm after forearm, and he knocks Volga down! Fans fire up and Link stands back up, for the FIRE ARROW! Cover, TWO! But Link goes right back up, for the ICE ARROW! Cover, TWO! Link deadlifts Volga for the FALCON ARROW! Cover, TWO!! Volga survives all three arrows, but Link roars! Fans fire up as Link runs, but Volga ducks the Shining Wizard! But the BOOMERANG HEEL comes back! Link’s bringing back all the classics as he takes aim! But Volga avoids the Spin Attack!
Link hobbles, Volga swings but Link catches him to a clinch! Volga throws elbows to resist! Volga elbows away on Link, then throws Kawada Kicks! Volga tops it off with a KICK! Link staggers, Volga whips, but Link reverses to wrench! Volga ducks the Hook Shot, Link ducks an enziguri, Volga handsprings and runs. Link follows but Volga dodges the Master Sword! Link runs back in, Volga back drops him, but Link lands on his feet! Both men turn around, DOUBLE SUPERKICKS collide!! Both men fall down and fans are thunderous! “This is Awesome!” as Link and Volga both stir and Sahasrahla starts a standing count.
Volga and Link crawl to opposite corners as fans rally up. The count is 5 of 10, both men drag themselves up with the ropes to stand at 7. They stare down from across the way, and Volga eggs on the “former Hero of Hyrule!” Link snarls and they both run in! MASTER SWORD! Link roars and fans are thunderous again! Link drags Volga up, underhooks the arms, and lifts, for the HELM SPLITTER!! Link holds onto the arms and sits Volga up! LIGHT ARROW!! Cover, Link wins!!
Winner: Link, by pinfall (advances to the next round)
His first match back is his first win back! Former champion as he may be, will Link return to his former glory?
Getting this one done just in time, but it was a lot of fun. I feel bad for Ralph, but Kevin couldn’t lose after that big win over Alex at HyruleMania. And of course Harlequin was going to win his first match after the Faces of Evil made their debut, so now each bracket has one FOE in through to the second round. I really like where the uWo is heading with this new form of Alex. He’s no longer a Gibdo because his bandages are gone, I can’t wait for the reveal in that Trios gauntlet. And Fin and Link both winning, we’re going to get a great showdown from them. Link is definitely going to have the crisis of confidence trope underlying his matches as the difficulty level goes up every round.
Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu Results & Report! (1/30/23)
The Bracket of Wisdom!
The Legend of Zelda: The Ring of Destiny, Chapter 38
HPW’s Fourth Annual Triforce Tournament continues, and now the Bracket of Wisdom takes its turn! Who will be the sharpest blade in the battle?
- Bracket of Wisdom: Ladrona VS Byrne Lokoma w/ Chancellor Cole; Byrne wins and advances to the next round.
- Bracket of Wisdom: Lupay VS Master Kohga; Lupay wins and advances to the next round.
- Bracket of Wisdom: Odolwa VS Ghirahim; Odolwa wins and advances to the next round.
- Bracket of Wisdom: Veran VS Igos du Ikana; Igos wins and advances to the next round.
PLAY BY PLAY
HPW and HXS TV set the scene!
Are you ready four more? Another year, another tournament, and another opportunity to be the best! But there are both faces old and new, and some of them EVIL! Lupay the Wolfos Wizard represents the Faces of Evil, but will he make it into the next round? Meanwhile, we see the God of Woodfall, the Sword of the Swamp, clash against the Demon Lord, the Living Blade! Whose edge will falter in this very first round? And in the main event, we see two living legends of Termina Championship Wrestling finally meet for the first time ever! The Sorceress of Shadows and the Ruler of Ruin both want to return to the top, but who will be the one to fall? The HPW Triforce Tournament in Eldin Canyon continues, now!
Ladrona VS Byrne Lokoma w/ Chancellor Cole!
The lovely and charming Thief Girl looks to make a name for herself, but the same goes for the Man with the Iron Fist! Will Ladrona steal the hearts of millions by winning the tournament? Or will she get run down by the Byrne Express?
The bell rings and the two circle. Fans sing “Heeey~, we love Ladro~na! Heeey~, we love Ladro~na!” Ladrona smiles and waves, but Byrne rushes in! Byrne powers Ladrona to a corner, and while Cole is excited, the fans boo and the ref counts. Byrne lets off at 4 and he eggs Ladrona on. Ladrona smirks and circles with Byrne again. They feel out the grapple, Byrne shoots in and gets a single leg takedown. Byrne shifts to a toehold, Ladrona flails and reaches for ropes, but Byrne drags her to center. Byrne drops an elbow on the leg, then pulls on the toehold! Ladrona endures, fans rally up, and she again reaches out for the ropes.
Byrne pulls on the leg more, so Ladrona kicks at him with her free leg. Ladrona pushes her heel into Byrne’s head, but he brushes her leg aside. Byrne uses the leg he has to turn Ladrona over, and he hooks that leg with his. He hooks the other leg up the same way, and he reaches for the arms. Ladrona resists while still reaching out for ropes. Byrne SLAPS her in the side with that metal hand, and when Ladrona clutches her side, he grabs the arm! Byrne gets the other arm, and he pulls Ladrona back into the ROMERO SPECIAL! Fans boo while Ladrona endures! Ladrona refuses to quit, so Byrne sets her down for a DRAGON SLEEPER VARIATION!
Fans rally for Ladrona as she endures the Dragon Surfboard! Ladrona claws at Byrne’s arm but that won’t do anything. She then reaches up and claws at his face! Byrne lets go of the dragon sleeper and Ladrona scrambles free. Fans cheer and Ladrona grins as the two reset. They circle, Byrne tries to shoot in again but Ladrona stays clear. Byrne approaches, corners Ladrona, but then she slips out of the ring as he rushes in. Ladrona goes around the way, but Cole stands in her way. She tells the “munchkin” to move aside, but that just angers him. But Byrne slides out and turns Ladrona around to ROCK her with a forearm!
Fans boo as Byrne pushes Ladrona into the ring. Byrne stands Ladrona up, but she blocks the iron claw clamping onto her face! Fans fire up as she keeps the claw away, to the point of her bridging back! Ladrona then rolls back and has Byrne’s arm for a DOUBLE WRISTLOCK! Fans fire up as now Byrne endures! Byrne scrambles around, reaches out, but Ladrona cranks the arm! Byrne kicks his way over to get the ROPEBREAK! Cole immediately shouts for Ladrona to let go, and the ref does count, but Ladrona counts along! She lets off at 4, and tells Cole, “I have ’til FIVE!” Cole is even more upset now while Ladrona gives Byrne space.
Byrne stands up and shakes out his arm. He and Ladrona reset again, approach, and Ladrona kicks low! She wraps on a headlock, but Byrne powers out. Ladrona ducks ‘n’ dodges to RANA! Fans fire up, Byrne staggers up, and Ladrona dropkicks him down! Fans fire up more as Byrne bails out. Ladrona takes aim, builds speed, but Cole shouts and Byrne gets out of the way! Only for Ladrona to not dive and instead roll into a lounging pose! Ladrona taunts Byrne with a flirtatious wave. Cole is mad and so is Byrne! Byrne rushes in, but Ladrona’s ready with a SPINAROONI into another RANA! Fans fire up and Ladrona takes a bow!
Byrne goes to the ropes and Ladrona walks up behind him. Ladrona pulls Byrne’s hair, the ref reprimands, but Ladrona bumps Byrne off buckles! Ladrona stomps Byrne down, then digs her boots into him! The ref counts, Ladrona lets off at 4, and she drags Byrne up. Ladrona whips Byrne corner to corner, runs in, and JUMP KICKS! Ladrona lands on the apron, sweeps the legs, then swings in for a DROPKICK! Fans fire up as Ladrona flexes, then blows a kiss to the crowd. Ladrona then drags Byrne to a cover, TWO! Ladrona stomps Byrne and kicks him to the ropes. Ladrona then runs side to side to baseball slide dropkick Byrne out of the ring!
Fans fire up and Ladrona lounges on the ropes. The ref counts and Cole coaches Byrne up. Byrne crawls to the railing at 3 of 10, drags himself up to his feet at 4, and staggers his way over. Ladrona stops lounging and dropkicks Byrne’s legs out! Byrne smacks off the apron and staggers away while fans fire up again. Ladrona goes to the apron, takes aim, and she runs to FLYING SHOTGUN DROPKICK! Fans go nuts as Byrne is sent flying into the railing! Ladrona does a neener-neener to Cole as she walks past him to fetch Byrne. Ladrona drags Byrne up, puts him in the ring, and drags him to a corner. Ladrona SLAMS his metal arm against the metal post!
The ref reprimands and Cole shouts at Ladrona while Byrne clutches the arm. Ladrona steps to Cole and Cole backs off. Ladrona grabs at Byrne again but Byrne YANKS Ladrona into the post! Ladrona staggers and fans boo, but Byrne goes back outside to fetch Ladrona. Byrne smacks Ladrona off the apron! Then he shoves her into the steel steps! Fans boo but Byrne ignores them to drag Ladrona up and put her in the ring. Byrne stalks Ladrona and she sits up. Byrne clamps on an IRON CLAW SLEEPER! Fans boo as Ladrona flails and endures! Ladrona reaches out for ropes but Byrne keeps her away! Fans rally harder, but Ladrona is fading!
The ref checks Ladrona, and her arm drops! The ref checks again, the arm drops again! But then Ladrona gets a second wind! Ladrona flails and reaches for ropes again, but Byrne turns her around! IRON CLAW SLAM!! Cover, Byrne wins!
Winner: Byrne Lokoma, by pinfall (advances to the next round)
The Thief Girl couldn’t take this one away from Byrne! He stays on track in this tournament, will he head right to the top?
Lupay VS Master Kohga!
The Faces of Evil have gone 1-1, with Groose defeating Glutko but Militron mangling Iron Knuckle. Will the Wild Wolfos follow the Armored Annihilator into the next round? Or will the leader of the Yiga Clan defeat his FOE?
Lupay’s entrance has a lot of dubstep and lasers. The eye-like gem on his forehead even flashes to the beat. The bell rings and fans rally for “Master Kohga!” Clap clap, clap-clap-clap. Lupay bares his fangs and flexes his arms in an attempt to intimidate, but Kohga sucks in his gut to make it look like he has a good physique. Lupay just stares him down, but Kohga can’t hold his breath forever, so he lets it out and his gut returns. The two tie up, they’re in a deadlock, but Lupay gets around to waistlock. Kohga pries the hold open and wrenches to wristlock. Lupay rolls, kips up and wrenches back. Kohga rolls, kips, but falls back. Kohga keeps trying but he can’t quite get up.
The ref helps Kohga kip up and Kohga wrenches Lupay’s arm! Lupay breaks away and tells the ref he can’t help Kohga! The ref apologizes, and Kohga admits his pot belly is to blame. Lupay says, “See this?” He flexes again. “This is from eating meat! Not bananas like you!” Kohga kicks Lupay low, but Lupay snarls as he stands up tall. Lupay shouts “Meat!” as he throws a forearm! Kohga shouts “Bananas!” as he forearms in return! Lupay shouts “MEAT!” as he throws another forearm! Kohga shouts “BANANAS!” as he throws another forearm! Fans dueling chant, “MEAT!” “BANANAS!” “MEAT!” “BANANAS!” as the forearms continue to go back and forth!
Lupay gets the edge, and fans chant, “MEAT! MEAT! MEAT!” Lupay spins and fans wind up with “Meeeee… EAT!” with the ROLLING ELBOW! Kohga staggers, rebounds, and he fires of boxing elbows! “BANANAS! BANANAS! BANANAS! BANANAS!” Kohga spins, “Baaaaa… NANAS!” with the SHOTEI! Lupay flounders and fans fire up! Kohga headlocks Lupay but Lupay throws body shots. Lupay slips out to headlock Kohga in return. Kohga powers out, things speed up, Kohga keeps Lupay moving, but then Lupay whips Taguchi to turn the tables! Lupay keeps Kohga moving with the bypass and dropdowns but Kohga seems to be slowing down. Fans rally, and they keep going!
Kohga trips over Lupay and Lupay covers, TWO! Lupay shows off with jumping jacks and fans rally back up. Lupay drags Kohga up, ROCKS him with a right, then another. Kohga ends up in a corner, Lupay whips corner to corner but Kohga reverses. Lupay goes up and over, rolls back, and cartwheels to show off more. Lupay even handstands and jumps out of the ring to strut about. Lupay then slingshots back into the ring to do drop steps and a Quebrada! Lupay poses and fans applaud. Lupay takes a bow, then he dares Kohga to show his athleticism. Lupay whips Kohga corner to corner, Kohga goes up and over and rolls and cartwheels, then shows off his dance moves!
Fans clap to create a beat and Kohga does some pop, lock ‘n’ droppin’. Lupay DROPKICKS Kohga down! Fans boo, but Lupay kips up and says, “Now these are some dance moves!” Lupay busts out the dance from Thriller! And even moonwalking, and the “HEE-HEE!” and tiptoes pose. Fans do applaud, that was pretty impressive. But then Kohga runs up to hit a NECKBREAKER! Cover, TWO! Kohga keeps on Lupay with a chinlock. Lupay endures, fights up, but then Kohga shifts around for a BACK2BACKBREAKER! Lupay writhes, Kohga pushes him to a cover, TWO! Kohga clamps back on with another chinlock and leans on the hold.
Lupay endures and fights up as fans rally. Lupay throws body shots, but Kohga knees low. Kohga whips Lupay to the corner but Lupay goes up and over to hit a BACKSTABBER! Lupay drags Kohga to a cover, TWO! Lupay grows frustrated, and he brings Kohga up. Lupay bumps Kohga off buckles, then again, and again. The ref counts, Lupay lets off, but then he CLAWS Kohga’s back! Kohga drops to his knees and writhes in the corner while the ref reprimands Lupay. Lupay grins as he drags Kohga back up. Lupay SLAPS Kohga on the back, then CLAWS him again! Fans boo and the ref reprimands again but Lupay still grins.
Lupay stands Kohga up again, but Kohga elbows him away! Kohga then goes up the corner to QUEBRADA! Cover, TWO! Kohga hurries up to his feet and into a fighting stance! He waves his arms around as he builds power, and then runs in, but Lupay avoids the flying punch! And CLAWS Kohga on the back again! Fans boo but Lupay spins Kohga around to reel him in, T-BONE SUPLEX! Lupay howls but fans boo as hard as they can. Kohga staggers up and into a corner. Lupay goes to the other corner, runs in and STINGER SPLASHES! Kohga flops down into the drop zone! Lupay goes up top while fans boo, ROUNDING BODY PRESS! Cover, Lupay wins!
Winner: Lupay, by pinfall (advances to the next round)
Lupay hits the “Full Moonsault” and defeats the Yiga Clan leader! Will the Wild Wolfos rise like the moon and eclipse the competition?
King Nicolas Foolyere speaks.
“Hello, ladies and gentlemen here in Eldin Canyon!” Pause for the cheap pop. “Now, I’m sure you all saw Arrow Club claiming they’ll easily be the #1 contenders to the HPW Trios Championships once again. Well, that doesn’t seem fair to all the other trios in HPW to just assume you can defeat them and move on. Shortly after Arrow Club shot off their mouths, I discussed things with upper management, and the answer was actually rather obvious: A GAUNTLET MATCH!” Fans love the sound of that!
Foolyere continues, “If Arrow Club thinks they can defeat the Ikana Royal Family, and the Doombringers, and the Three Masters, and the UnderWorld Order and the Poe Sisters, then that’s what they have to do! Whichever team makes it to the end of that gauntlet will face the HPW Trios Champions at the Triforce Anniversary event, but Scaly, Ducks, I’m telling you right now, you’re STARTING that match! This match will happen on March 17th, Mount Dunsel in Faron! Best of luck to every trio in that match, even Arrow Club.” Fans are going wild after that huge announcement! Will the Arrow Club stand a chance at hitting their targets when their targets are coming for them?
Odolwa VS Ghirahim!
In one corner: The God of Woodfall, the Sword of the Swamp. In the other corner: The Demon Lord, the Living Blade. They clashed in the Death Mountain Championship Ladder Match at HyruleMania, but now they fight for a bigger prize! Whose edge will be sharper here in the Triforce Tournament’s opening round?
The bell rings and fans duel, “GHI-RA-HIM!” “SUCKS!” “GHI-RA-HIM!” “SUCKS!” Ghirahim scowls while he circles with Odolwa. But then he smirks and says, “They only care about me! You could be anybody, and they wouldn’t chant about you.” Odolwa just stares Ghirahim down as they approach. They tie up, Odolwa powers Ghirahim to ropes, and the ref counts. Odolwa lets off and goes back to center. Ghirahim dusts himself off while fans applaud Odolwa’s sportsmanship. Ghirahim approaches and they tie up again. They go around, but Odolwa again puts Ghirahim on the ropes. The ref counts again, Odolwa lets off, but Ghirahim shoves Odolwa!
Odolwa rushes Ghirahim but Ghirahim uses the ropes as defense! The fans boo but the ref has Odolwa back off. Odolwa keeps his eyes on Ghirahim as Ghirahim comes back again. They circle again, approach, and Odolwa shoots in to get a leg! Odolwa RAMS Ghirahim into a corner while fans fire up! The ref reprimands while Ghirahim CLUBS Odolwa and Odolwa throws body shots! The ref counts, Odolwa lets off at 4. Then Odolwa ROCKS Ghirahim with a forearm! Odolwa whips Ghirahim corner to corner, runs in, but Ghirahim dodges! Odolwa hits buckles, Ghirahim springboards, GHIRA CUTTER! Cover, TWO!!
Fans fire up as Odolwa survives and Ghirahim is shocked! Ghirahim wraps Odolwa up in a dragon sleeper! Odolwa endures, fans rally up, but Ghirahim cranks back on the hold! Odolwa reaches up to grab at Ghirahim’s head. Ghirahim thrashes Odolwa around, but Odolwa throws KNEES from below! Ghirahim lets Odolwa go as he staggers back. Odolwa storms up, whips Ghirahim, but Ghirahim reverses, only for Odolwa to come back with a LEAPING LARIAT! Odolwa roars and fans fires up with him! Ghirahim staggers up, Odolwa takes aim from behind, ROLLING- NO, Ghirahim ducks the blindside elbow!
Ghirahim kicks Odolwa, CHOPS him, then CHOPS again! Ghirahim whips but Odolwa holds ropes to block! Odolwa reels Ghirahim in for a forearm! Then Odolwa whips Ghirahim to ropes to HEADBUTT him! Ghirahim falls over, Odolwa covers, TWO! Odolwa roars, Ghirahim flounders, but Odolwa drags Ghirahim up. Odolwa whips Ghirahim hard to a corner, and Ghirahim bounces off the buckles! Ghirahim staggers, into a WHEEL KICK from Odolwa! Cover, TWO! Fans rally behind Odolwa as he looms over Ghirahim. Odolwa stalks Ghirahim to ropes, and then waistlocks for a deadlift! But Ghirahim grabs the ropes!
The ref reprimands but Ghirahim holds on tight. Odolwa forearms Ghirahim in the back! Ghirahim lets go of the ropes, Odolwa waistlocks again, and he GERMAN SUPLEXES! Ghirahim lands on his face! Ghirahim sits up and sputters, Odolwa hits him with a PENALTY KICK! And he drops a SENTON! Cover, TWO! Fans rally up again while Odolwa grows frustrated. Odolwa stands Ghirahim up, ROCKS him with a forearm, then CHOPS, then ROCKS Ghirahim with a haymaker! Ghirahim staggers to ropes, and he uses them as a defense again. Fans boo but the ref keeps Odolwa back. Odolwa eggs Ghirahim on but Ghirahim bails out.
Ghirahim clutches the side of his face. Odolwa wants to go out after him but the ref keeps him back. The ref wants to check Ghirahim’s face but Ghirahim tells him not to touch it. Ghirahim walks around the way, but he also tells medics to leave him alone. The ref reprimands Odolwa as he slides out the side, but he still storms up behind Ghirahim. But Ghirahim jumps off the railing to hit a GHIRA CUTTER to the floor! Fans boo as they realize Ghirahim suckered Odolwa in! Ghirahim mockingly makes a pained expression on his face while holding his head again. Then he laughs at the fans as he drags Odolwa back up.
Ghirahim brings Odolwa around, only for Odolwa to turn things around and POST him! Fans cheer as Ghirahim falls over, genuinely clutching his face this time. Odolwa and Ghirahim are both down on the outside and fans rally up. The ring count starts, Odolwa crawls after Ghirahim as Ghirahim crawls around the way. The ring count is 4 of 10 as Odolwa catches up and grabs at Ghirahim’s legs. Ghirahim kicks at Odolwa to get away but Odolwa pursues. They both go to the ramp, Odolwa drags Ghirahim up and the two brawl with furious fists! The count is up to 7 of 10 and fans are shouting! Ghirahim RAMS Odolwa into railing then runs into the ring!
Odolwa hurries after Ghirahim and slides in at 9! Ghirahim runs in to CHOP! Odolwa leans back, but he stays up on aggression alone! Ghirahim isn’t sure what to make of this but fans fire back up! Ghirahim runs to CHOP again! Odolwa wobbles and flails, and he stays standing! Ghirahim runs in again, but Odolwa ducks the chop and waistlocks. Ghirahim fights the lift, pries the hold open, wrenches and CHOPS! Ghirahim then spins to back elbow! Odolwa wobbles, Ghirahim springboards again, GHIRA- NO, Odolwa catches him! Odolwa HEADBUTTS Ghirahim in the back of the head! Ghirahim staggers, Odolwa spins, BLINDSIDE ROLLING ELBOW!!
Ghirahim falls over, but he flounders back up! Ghirahim survives the elbow that Odolwa knocked out The Great Boomerang! Odolwa is a bit surprised himself, but he waits as Ghirahim staggers up to his feet. Odolwa reels Ghirahim in for a dragon sleeper, then inverted suplexes, into a REVERSE DDT! Cover, Odolwa wins!!
Winner: Odolwa, by pinfall (advances to the next round)
Odolwa hits the #WoodFall, and Ghirahim falls in the first round! The Sword of the Swamp cuts down the Living Blade, who will he strike in the semifinals?
Veran VS Igos du Ikana!
Two legends of Termina Championship Wrestling finally meet in the ring! The Sorceress of Shadows could not dethrone Zelda, and the Ruler of Ruin was dethroned as HPW Termina Champion. Both legends begin the next chapter of their careers, but who takes control with their own two hands?
Fans already chant “This is Awesome!” as the two stare down. Veran smirks and Igos chuckles. They shake hands and fans cheer the sportsmanship. The two circle, fans duel, “Let’s go, Igos!” “Go Veran!” They approach, feel things out, and tie up. They go around, the two break, and then they go again. Veran wrenches to a wristlock, but Igos rolls, spins, and wrenches back. Veran reaches for ropes but Igos keeps her away as he twists the wrist. Veran spins through, wrenches Igos back, then brings him in for a headlock. Igos throws body shots, powers out, but Veran RAMS shoulders with him! Fans cheer as the two stare down again.
Igos and Veran circle again, and fans rally up. The two tie up again, and Veran gets the headlock back. Igos powers out but Veran holds ropes to stop herself. Igos rushes in but Veran sidesteps to O’Conner Roll, with bridge! TWO, and Igos goes for the dragon sleeper! Veran fights it off and scrambles away, and fans applaud another standoff. Igos tells Veran that he was that close, but Veran dusts herself off. The two reset again, approach, and Veran shoots in to get a waistlock. Igos resists the lift, standing switches, and he goes for the dragon sleeper again! Veran drops, gets Igos’ legs and drags him down into a cover, TWO!
Fans fire up, Veran goes after a leg again, but Igos steps over to La Magistrol! TWO, Veran keeps going for legs but she gets a KNEE for it! Veran flounders, Igos takes aim, and Igos runs in to PENALTY KICK Veran down! Cover, TWO! Veran goes to a corner and fans cheer the fast and furious exchange! Veran dusts herself off again, and again circles with Igos. They tie up, Veran throws a knee low, then ROCKS him with a forearm! Igos staggers, Veran whips him to ropes, but Igos slips around her clothesline to KICK her in the leg! And KICK her in the chest! And SOBAT! Igos runs, QUEBRADAS, but Veran catches him! SHOULDER GUTBUSTER! Cover, TWO!
Fans fire up while Igos gets to ropes. Now Veran waits on him as the fans rally. Igos stands and stretches out his stiff torso, then storms up on Veran. Igos puts his dukes up and so does Veran. Igos fires off kicks, Veran guards those, tries a counter kick but Igos blocks that to KICK that leg! Veran hobbles, Igos BOOTS her, and she staggers to a corner. Igos storms up but blocks Veran’s boot, only for him to KNEE him away! Veran waistlocks, ripcords, BEE STING! Igos falls, Veran drags him into the drop zone! Veran goes up the corner, for the BEETLE BOMB! Cover, TWO! Veran grows frustrated, but fans stay fired up.
Veran drags Igos up, reels him in, and tucks the arms. But Igos resists the lift! Igos back drops Veran! Veran sits up, and Igos PENALTY KICKS her in the back! Veran writhes, but Igos drags her up, and he gets the dragon sleeper! GRAVESTONE!! Fans rally and duel while Veran endures! Veran flails, reaches out, moves around, and her leg gets the ROPEBREAK! Tiger Sahasrahla counts, Igos lets go of the dragon sleeper but stands Veran up against the ropes to KICK her in the back! Veran sputters while she rests against the ropes, and Igos KICKS the other leg out from under her! Veran falls over while fans are torn between cheers and jeers.
Igos eggs Veran on, she sits up, and Igos KICKS her in the back. And KICKS her again! Then he backs up to PENALTY KICK again! Veran writhes, but Igos goes for the dragon sleeper! Veran fights the hold, moves around, and they end up in the ropes. Igos holds on but Sahasrahla counts. Igos lets off at 4, KICKS Veran again, drags her up and turns her, for a NECKBREAKER! Cover, TWO! Fans rally up, Veran grits her teeth, but Igos stomps her. Veran throws body shots from below! Igos CLUBS, Veran ROCKS him with a right! Veran runs, but into a leg sweep! Igos BUZZSAWS! Cover, ONE?!? Fans are thunderous while Igos is stunned!
Igos KNEES Veran in the back, then clamps on a chinlock. Igos pulls Veran against the knee, but fans rally and duel as she fights up. Veran pries the chinlock open, and she arm-drags Igos! Igos comes back but into a SHOTEI! Igos staggers, Veran runs in to knee lift! Veran keeps moving to LARIAT! Both of them are down and the fans are thunderous! Fans chant “This is Awesome!” again while the two crawl for opposite corners. Veran stands up first, she runs corner to corner, but into a BOOT! Igos reels Veran in, TORNADO HOTSHOT! Veran staggers, Igos slingshots in to springboard QUEBRADA! Direct hit this time! Cover, TWO!
Veran stands, Igos fires off the strike fest! IKANA- NO, Veran avoids the knee thrust! Veran fires off fast hands and ROCKS Igos with a forearm! Veran whips, Igos reverses but Veran comes back to FLYING FOREARM! Fans fire up with Veran and she drags Igos back to a drop zone. Veran goes back up the corner, BEETLE- NO, Igos kicks her from below! Fans fire up, Igos ROCKS Veran! But Veran ROCKS Igos in return! They go back and forth, and Veran eggs Igos on! Igos fires another shot! Veran fires another, Igos fires another, and repeat! The forearms fly fast and furious! The fans fire up, and Igos choke grips Veran!
Veran choke grips Igos in return! They fight for control, Sahasrahla reprimands, they break but also shove Sahasrahla away! Igos kicks low, but then he ducks Veran’s SHOTEI, and it hits Sahasrahla!! Down goes the referee! Veran apologizes to Sahasrahla, but Igos DECKS Veran! And then he notices Sahasrahla is down! Igos is frustrated, and he storms over to where Sahasrahla fell. Igos gets Sahasrahla back up, but he’s still pretty woozy. Igos shouts at Sahasrahla to wake up, but Veran O’Conner Rolls! Sahasrahla counts, TWO!!! Veran and Igos both check with Sahasrahla, and he’s pretty sure that was still two!
Veran swings but Igos boots the haymaker away and back elbows her! Igos gets Veran’s arm for a SAYANAGI! Igos drags Veran back up, SAYANAGIS again, then drops for an ARMBAR! But Veran quickly scrambles up to her feet and stacks Igos! TWO, Igos still has Veran’s arm, but Veran kicks his legs out! Veran drags Igos around, goes to tie his arms up with his legs, but Igos BOOTS her from below! Veran staggers, Igos kips up as she rebounds, and Igos JUMP KNEES! Veran rebounds again, but she jumps over his leg sweep! Veran comes back, shoots around, waistlocks, ripcords, but Igos BOOTS the Bee Sting away!
Igos swings around to hook Veran’s arms for a Gory Especial! Veran fights free and arm-drags Igos away! Igos comes back, Veran arm-drags him away! Igos avoids the dropkick, and KNEES Veran as she sits up! Igos drags Veran up, POSTS her, then goes out to the apron. Igos BOOTS Veran’s head into the post!! Fans lose their minds while slumps in the corner! Igos gets in, drags her out of the corner and throws her down. Cover, TWO!?!?!? Fans are thunderous but Igos is seething! Igos lifts Veran with his foot and fans rally up. Igos spins, but Veran ducks the Elegy to roll him up! TWO!!! Igos escapes and fans are thunderous again!
Veran swings, Igos CROSS COUNTERS! And again! And again! And again, again, again, again!! Veran SHOTEIS!! SHOTEI CROSS COUNTER! ANOTHER!!! Veran falls forward and leans on Igos! Igos stands her back up, ROUNDHOUSE! And then the ELEGY OF EMPTINESS!!! Cover, IGOS WINS!!
Winner: Igos du Ikana, by pinfall (advances to the next round)
It is a standing ovation here in Eldin Canyon! The Ikana Royal Family appears to celebrate with Igos and accompany him back up the ramp. Will the Ruler of Ruin rise from the ashes and take over all of Hyrule?
As for Veran, she is clearly emotional. It was an incredible match, but it was still a defeat for the Sorceress of Shadow. But fans cheer her on as she stands back up, and even chant, “Thank You, Veran!” Veran manages a smile through the tears, and she waves to the fans. She bows in thanks for them saying that, wipes the tears away, and makes her own way backstage. Is this the last chapter for Veran’s legacy?
This one was a lot of fun for how tricky it was to choose who goes over. Two former Dark Horse Stampede winners in Ladrona and Byrne, but Byrne goes over. Ladrona is a fun character, a strong character, but Byrne is the stronger competitor. Lupay ended up a lot more El Phantasmo than I meant him to be but who else is known for clawing his opponent’s back these days? I ended up making Lupay the high-flyer of the Faces of Evil, too, since there are two powerhouses in Glutko and Militron, and Harlequin is going to be a bit wilder.
Odolwa VS Ghirahim and Veran VS Igos were the hard ones to say who should go over. Well, alright, it was easy to say Ghirahim didn’t need to go over because he’s already gotten a lot of shine with his year long feud with Midna. Odolwa is another Dark Horse Stampede winner, he deserves to move up the rankings a bit. Veran VS Igos could’ve gone either way in my head, maybe I could’ve waited for that match-up in a later round but it is what it is. Igos moves on, we’re going to have a fun match-up of him and Odolwa, while Veran’s story is both in limbo and open to possibilities. I just have to figure out what those are.
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