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Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu Results & Report! (6/11/22)

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HPW Spectacular Spectacle

The Legend of Zelda: The Ring of Destiny, Chapter 30

The HPW Triforce Championship, Goddess Championship, and much more are up for grabs for this Spectacular Spectacle on Spectacle Rock!

OFFICIAL RESULTS

  • HPW Trios Championship #1 Contender’s Match: Arrow Club VS The UnderWorld Order; Arrow Club wins and will challenge Ganondorf, Zant & Agahnim for the titles.
  • Fused Shadow Piece: Ghirahim VS Midna; Ghirahim wins and retains the third piece.
  • HPW Goddess Championship Gauntlet: Zelda VS The Poe Sisters; Zelda wins and retains the title.
  • HPW Triforce Championship Triple Threat: Link VS Kage VS Hollywood ReDead w/ Ted Beedle Ossi; Kage wins and becomes the new HPW Triforce Champion.

PLAY BY PLAY

HPW and HXS TV set the scene!

The Triforce Anniversary had the Third Triforce Tournament’s finals, and the Hero’s Shadow won what was more a 2v1 handicap! But he isn’t getting a 1v1 rematch with the Hero of Hyrule, all because of the Underworld Order! Hollywood ReDead was added to this title match because of the hard work of his faction, but will he make it pay off? Then, the Princess of Hyrule returns to action against not just one or two opponents, but FOUR! All four Poe Sisters, from Amy to Beth to Joelle to Meg, will compete against Zelda in a Gauntlet match! Will any of the sisters stand a chance? Or will Zelda go 4-0 against the Poes?

Ghirahim has one last piece of the Fused Shadow, and Midna is coming for the sweep! Will the Living Blade keep this series alive? Or will the Twilight Princess end this nightmare? But to open the night, the rest of the uWo is in action! Death Sword, Gomess and #DatGibdo look to hold up their end of things by going for the HPW Trios Championships! But standing in the way is the Zora Rock ‘n’ Rolla and the Young Ducks! Fin Balure may be Termina Champion, but that’s not going to stop Arrow Club! Will they shoot down the uWo to take aim at Ganondorf and team? HPW’s Spectacular Spectacle starts now!

 

HPW Trios Championship #1 Contender’s Match: Arrow Club VS The UnderWorld Order!

“Arrow Club. F-F-F-For… Life.” The Young Ducks, Mack & Rick Quackson, walk out first, and then Fin Balure is riding on the shoulders of a burly Zazak gatorman! Just who is that? They go to the ring and Fin gets on the apron off the Zazak’s shoulders. Fin gets a mic while the Zazak gets in with the Ducks. “Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Spectacular Spectacle! And let me introduce you to the newest member of the Arrow Club! This is the Undertow, Bad Croc Scaly!” There are fans who cheer as Scaly roars and flexes.

Fin says he was “inspired” by what the uWo did at ThunderStruck last month. So now, for this match of Arrow Club VS uWo, it’ll be the Young Ducks and Bad Croc Scaly VS Death Sword, Gomess and Gibdo, the winners moving on to face- Speaking of, Ganondorf and his team make their entrance! And judging from the tron, they’re going by #GZA. The Gerudo Ace has a mic to say, “Wow, would ya look at that? It seems like no one wants to do any hard work around here! ReDead lets his old buddy, Gibdo, fight for him. And now Fin’s getting two turkeys and a gecko to do his chores.” Zant and Agahnim chuckle while fans are a bit torn.

Ganondorf tells everyone in the ring to relax, he and his team are just here to enjoy being the NEW HPW Trios Champions in their special VIP area. They’re going to enjoy watching these trios beat each other all up just to win a chance to lose to them. Ganondorf, Zant and Agahnim walk over to a spot cleared out ringside with cushy armchairs, champagne bottles on ice, and even a wide variety of lovely ladies. The trios sort out, and the debuting Bad Croc Scaly starts against Gomess. They circle, fans rally, and the two stare down. Scaly pie faces Gomess, but Gomess fires off fast hands and a BIG haymaker! Scaly just smirks.

Scaly grabs Gomess with both hands and throws him to an open corner! Scaly throws big body shots from all sides, but lets off as the ref counts 4. Scaly then throws a big back elbow! Gomess staggers but Scaly keeps him cornered to grind his forearm into Gomess’ face. Ganondorf’s team seems to like that. The ref counts again, Scaly lets off at 4 again, then goes for another back elbow, only for Gomess to dodge! Gomess stomps and punches and stomps some more and now the ref counts on him. Gomess stops at 4, wrenches Scaly and whips corner to corner. Gomess tags Death Sword then runs in from the side to forearm smash Scaly!

Death Sword runs corner to corner to RAM into Scaly! Death Sword digs his shoulder in and Gomess goes corner to corner to forearm smash again! Gomess then runs to swipe at the Ducks but they get out of the way, to the amusement of Ganondorf’s team. Death Sword snapmares Scaly, then drops an elbow! Cover, TWO! Scaly reaches out for his corner but Death Sword keeps him down with a chinlock. Fans rally and Scaly endures but Death Sword leans on the hold. Scaly fights up, throws body shots and gets free. Scaly headbutts Death Sword, then has him against ropes. Scaly CLUBS Death Sword in the chest!

Scaly whips Death Sword, Death Sword ducks and dodges, but Scaly CLOBBERS him! Scaly tags Mack, then Mack tags Rick. Mack & Rick hop onto Scaly’s back for a BIG SPLASH on Death Sword! Rick covers, TWO! Rick stomps Death Sword, and fans chant, “Young Ducks! Woop Woop! Young Ducks! Woop Woop!” Rick claps along with the “Woop Woop” then stomps with “Young Ducks!” So it’s stomp stomp, clap clap, repeat. Ganondorf’s team boos that, then Rick drags Death Sword by his legs and brings him over. Tag to Mack and Mack slingshot sentons onto Death Sword! Then tag back to Rick and Mack puts Death Sword through the ropes.

Mack drapes Death Sword out and Rick springboards, DRAPING 450 SPLASH! Cover, TWO! Rick tags Mack and they get Death Sword up. They double whip him to ropes, then double hip toss to handsprings and DOUBLE BASEMENT DROPKICK! Mack covers, TWO! Mack keeps Death Sword from the uWo with a chinlock. Death Sword reaches out with his arms but Mack grabs one for a half straitjacket. Death Sword grabs at Mack with the other arm, so Mack jabs an elbow into his head! Mack gets the other arm to complete a full straitjacket stretch. Death Sword endures and fans rally again. Death Sword fights up to his feet but Mack throws him down by his head!

The ref reprimands but Mack tags Scaly. Scaly drops an elbow on Death Sword in return for earlier, and also covers. TWO, but Scaly CLUBS Death Sword with crossface forearms. Scaly sits Death Sword up to CLUB him in the chest. Scaly drags Death Sword up, shoves him to ropes and CLUBS him on the rebound! He shoves Death Sword at the ropes again, to CLUB him again. Scaly shoves Death Sword a third time, but Death Sword comes back with a BOOT! Scaly staggers back, rebounds and runs in, but Death Sword dodges him! Gomess sneaks a tag and Death Sword CHOP BLOCKS Scaly! Gomess runs the ropes to LARIAT Scaly down! Cover, TWO!

Fans rally and duel as Gomess drags Scaly up and bumps him off buckles in the uWo corner. Tag to Gibdo and fans boo. Gibdo CLUBS Scaly, puts him against ropes and throws back elbows. Gibdo lets off as the ref counts 4, and then Gibdo runs the ropes to clothesline Scaly out of the ring! Fans fire up as Scaly tumbles to the floor! Gibdo roars and flexes and fans boo, but then the Dark Forces storm out! Wait, is that another Gibdo? The Gibdo leading Cia, Volga and Wizzro is in the Dark Forces purple ‘n’ silver and he’s pointing at the Gibdo in the ring wearing uWo black ‘n’ white! Even Ganondorf asks what’s going on here!

The ref tells the Dark Forces to stay back while the uWo seems unsure what to do about this. Fin distracts uWo Gibdo and then gets away as uWo rushes at him. That distracts Death Sword and Gomess, and they even chase Fin off! The Ducks get in! The ref reprimands but the Ducks DOUBLE SUPERKICK uWo Gibdo! Death Sword and Gomess notice that and get back on the apron, to get SUPERKICKS from the Ducks! Scaly gets in, the Ducks feed Gibdo to his choke grip, and Scaly holds up his other hand. Scaly pretends to pull a pin with his teeth, like a grenade! And then he pops uWo Gibdo up to CLOBBER him! Cover, Arrow Club wins!

Winners: Arrow Club, by pinfall (NEW HPW Trios Championships #1 Contenders)

Ganondorf applauds with very little enthusiasm, but the Dark Forces laugh at the UnderWorld Order. The Arrow Club celebrates, and they take aim at Ganondorf and his team with their pretend bows. Ganondorf dares them to try, but will the Ducks and Scaly hit those golden bull’s eyes? As for the uWo, they regroup and shout at the Dark Forces. The two Gibdos stare down, will the Dark Forces’ Gibdo expose this fraud?

 

Fused Shadow Piece: Ghirahim VS Midna!

The Living Blade has been stringing the Twilight Princess along by holding her prized possession hostage. Midna has won two pieces back, but this won’t be finished until she wins back the third! Will it all end here? Or will Ghirahim keep this going for a Fused Shadow Summer?

There are no entrance shenanigans this time, and the two stare down as the bell rings. Fans rally up and the two slowly circle. They approach, feel out knuckle locks, but then Ghirahim backs up. Midna is annoyed already and fans boo but Ghirahim tells them all to shut up. They circle again, feel out another grapple, Midna gets an arm and wrenches to a wristlock. Ghirahim rolls, kips up, and wrenches Midna to a wristlock. Midna spins and slips through to wrench and wristlock back. Midna YANKS the arm to keep Ghirahim from ropes, then twists the wrist. Ghirahim rolls, reels Midna in and monkey flips her!

But Midna keeps wrist control and wrenches Ghirahim to a hammerlock! Ghirahim reaches back and grabs her hair. The ref reprimands but he puts Midna in the corner. The ref counts, Midna lets go of the hammerlock and Ghirahim steps off at 4. Then he throws a big back elbow! Fans boo and the ref reprimands and Ghirahim backs away. Midna shakes out the cobwebs and snarls as she resets with Ghirahim. They circle, feel out a knuckle lock, and Midna kicks low! Midna keeps a knuckle lock, CHOPS Ghirahim, then goes to the corner. Midna goes up and up and jumps for a FLYING ARM-DRAG! Fans fire up while Ghirahim tumbles away!

Midna watches Ghirahim get to a corner. Midna runs in and HIP ATTACKS! She keeps going, corner to corner, to BRONCO BUSTER! Midna drags Ghirahim to a drop zone and goes to the corner! Fans fire up as Midna climbs, but Ghirahim gets up and CHOPS Midna down! Midna is stuck on the top rope, Ghirahim picks her up and ROCKET LAUNCHES her! Fans boo while Midna writhes on the mat. Ghirahim stomps Midna down, fans boo more, but Ghirahim drags Midna up to scoop and SLAM! Ghirahim jumps for an elbow drop! Cover, TWO! Ghirahim looms over Midna while fans rally up for her.

Midna crawls for ropes but Ghirahim stays right on top of her. He taunts her to get the ropes, and she reaches out, only for Ghirahim to drop another elbow onto her back! Ghirahim wraps on a BULLY CHOKE! Midna still reaches out, but Ghirahim cranks back harder! Ghirahim yells at Midna to quit, but fans rally up! Midna endures, but she’s starting to turn purple! She starts to fade! The ref checks her, and she gets a second wind! Midna turns and uses her foot for the ROPEBREAK! Ghirahim holds as the ref counts, and he lets go at 4 in frustration. Midna sputters while she still has her foot on the rope and fans are going nuts!

Ghirahim paces and waits on Midna. Midna slowly gets up, Ghirahim rushes her to get her against ropes, and then TOSSES her! Fans boo while Midna flounders up, and Ghirahim gets Midna again for another TOSS! Ghirahim shouts at her, “You’re NOTHING without your stupid crown! You’re not powerful! You’re not special! You’re just an ugly dwarf!” Midna drags herself to a corner and shouts back, “You idiot! The crown doesn’t give me power! My power was sealed in the crown! You’ve been fighting me with a huge advantage and you’ve still been losing!” Fans laugh and go “Ohhh…!” while Ghirahim tries to do the math on that.

Ghirahim gets furious and runs at the corner, but Midna dropkicks a leg out! Ghirahim hits buckles, Midna rolls him up, TWO! Midna stalks behind Ghirahim, he sits up, TWILIGHT- NO! Ghirahim slips out of the rolling cutter, CHOPS Midna, then snapmares Midna into a DRAGON SLEEPER! Fans rally, Midna endures, reaches out, but Ghirahim drags her away from the ropes! Ghirahim drops back, but Midna rolls back to a cover! TWO, TWILIGHT SLEEP!! Midna staggers to the cover, TWO and Ghirahim has a cradle! TWO!! Fans fire up while Ghirahim checks with the ref. The count is fair and that pisses Ghirahim off.

Ghirahim swings, misses, and Midna waistlocks. Midna pushes Ghirahim to ropes but he bucks the O’Conner Roll off. Midna rolls back up to her feet but Ghirahim KNEES her down! Cover, TWO! Fans are thunderous from this pace! Ghirahim pounds the mat in frustration, and then he watches Midna stir on the mat. Midna slowly gets up, Ghirahim runs and springboards, GHIRACUTTER!! Cover, TWO!! Midna survives and no one can believe it! Ghirahim is losing his cool and he pounds the mat. Then he glares at Midna, looks at the corner, and looks back at Midna. Ghirahim watches Midna as he goes to the corner.

Fans rally up as Midna slowly gets up. Ghirahim runs in from behind, HIDDEN BLADE!! Fans lose their minds, but then Ghirahim wraps on the DRAGON SLEEPER! Midna is OUT, Ghirahim wins!!

Winner: Ghirahim, by submission (holds onto the Fused Shadow)

Fans boo and some even throw their drinks! The Living Blade stands over Midna, hands raised in victory and with the third Fused Shadow piece in his hands. Then he kneels down beside Midna and says, “You will never have this back! EVER!” Ghirahim then leaves, holding the Fused Shadow up as he walks up the ramp. Is the Twilight Princess’s fate sealed? Or can she come back and finish this in four?

 

HPW Goddess Championship Gauntlet: Zelda VS The Poe Sisters!

The Princess of Hyrule has been chomping at the bit to get back in the ring, so management gave her a challenge worthy of her FIVE HUNDRED AND TWENTY-SIX DAY REIGN! Amy, Beth, Joelle & Meg all get a shot at Zelda, but will it take all of them to dethrone her? Or will Zelda go 4-0 to make up for her time off?

The introductions are made, with all four Poe Sisters being introduced at once, and the title is raised.

HyruleProWrestling GoddessChampionship Zelda by Cartridge88

The sisters sort out, and first up is Meg in purple! How long will she last?

Zelda VS Meg!

The bell rings and the two circle. Meg preens and swaggers but fans cheer Zelda on. They tie up, Zelda wrenches, wristlocks and hammerlocks. Meg endures as Zelda cranks the arm, and she reaches out for ropes. Zelda keeps Meg away from ropes, half nelsons the free arm, then uses that to spin her around for a NECKBREAKER! Cover, TWO! Zelda brings Meg up, facelocks, and puts her in a corner. Referee Maron Ron Ron counts but Zelda lets off quickly, to then HEADBUTT Meg! Meg staggers, Zelda puts Meg in the corner and snapmares her to KICK her in the back! The Poe Sisters boo while Zelda wraps Meg in a chinlock.

Meg endures, her sisters rally for her, but the fans still chant for Zelda. Mega fights up to her feet, but Zelda shifts to a headlock to hit a takeover. Zelda shrugs off the headscissor, grinds the headlock, and traps one of Meg’s arms. Meg kicks around, grabs at Zelda’s face with her free arm. Maron reprimands but Meg pulls hair! Meg gets Zelda to let go but Maron reprimands her again. Meg stands up, lets go of Zelda’s hair at 4, and SLAPS Zelda! Fans all let out an “Ohhh…!” and Zelda is pissed! Zelda glares at Meg and Meg wants Zelda to calm down. Zelda storms up on Meg and Meg rushes to a corner. Maron has Zelda stay back while the Poe Sisters boo and hiss at her.

Zelda is annoyed but she stays back while Meg gets advice whispered to her from Amy, Joelle and Beth. Meg then comes back and circles with Zelda again. They approach, feel out the grapple, and Meg shoots in to get a leg! She trips Zelda and has a toehold. Zelda endures, grabs at Meg’s head but Meg pulls back on the leg. Zelda uses her free leg to hook Meg and she goes for an armbar! Meg scrambles around and her foot gets the ropebreak! Zelda lets go quickly and backs off. Meg shakes out the arm and her sisters coach her up. Meg and Zelda reset, circle and feel out the grapple. Zelda goes for Meg’s arm and Meg immediately goes to ropes!

Fans boo and Zelda lets off again, and Meg tells her to back off. Maron has Zelda step back more, and the Poe Sisters coach Meg up again. Meg and Zelda circle again, feel out another grapple, and Meg shoots in to get a leg! Meg trips Zelda, pulls on the leg in a toehold, but Zelda fights back with a chinbar. Meg shrugs that off, pulls harder on the leg, but Zelda endures. Zelda kicks Meg with her free leg, and again, and again! Meg lets go of the toehold, and Zelda gets her with a SLEEPER! Meg flails and reaches out, fans fire up, they stand up, her sisters reach out but Maron reprimands them, and Zelda drags Meg away! Zelda then shifts into the IMPA LOCK! Meg taps out, she’s ELIMINATED!

Zelda VS Amy!

The Poe Sister in green gets in as Zelda lets Meg go, and Maron keeps them apart for just a moment while Joelle and Beth get Meg out of the ring. Maron then has the bell ring for this second round, and Amy rushes Zelda. Zelda blocks the takedown with a facelock and sprawl. Zelda gator rolls Amy, drags her up, but Amy wrenches out. Amy YANKS Zelda’s arm, wrenches again, YANKS again, then wrenches again. Amy has a wristlock and really cranks on it. Zelda endures, rolls, kips up, but Amy kicks her low. Amy WRINGS the arm out, fans boo, but Amy grabs the arm again to WRING it again. Zelda clutches the arm, but Amy grabs at it again.

Zelda kicks Amy away, then goes to a corner. Amy stomps away on Zelda, Maron counts but Amy stops at 4. Amy argues with the ref, but this is a distraction so Joelle in red can grab Zelda’s bad arm! Joelle SLAMS the bad arm on the apron! Fans boo but Joelle gets away before Maron sees. Amy gets Zelda’s arm and wraps it around the ropes! Maron reprimands and counts but Amy lets go at 4, and kicks the ropes to jam the arm! Fans boo more and Zelda clutches the arm while she gets to another corner. Amy runs in to SPLASH! Amy brings Zelda around by the bad arm to hammerlock and RAM the shoulder into buckles!

Fans boo but Amy soaks up the heat while Zelda clutches the arm. Maron checks on her but Zelda says she’s fine. Zelda gets to her feet and Amy runs back in, but into a BOOT! Zelda kicks, kicks, sobats and ENZIGURI! The Bolero of Fire! Amy staggers, Zelda hops up to POISON-RANA! Zelda’s bad arm slows her down to the cover, TWO!! Zelda’s arm is in too much pain for her to be upset about Amy surviving, but the fans and Poe Sisters are freaking out! Zelda works to get the bad arm moving, and she brings Amy up. Amy hits an ARM BREAKER DDT!! Zelda flails and writhes all the way to a corner!

Amy storms up on Zelda but Maron has her back off. Zelda sees Joelle creeping over and shouts at her. Maron sees Joelle and tells her to go back to the corner. Maron checks on Zelda but Zelda refuses to let this stop anything. Zelda grits her teeth as she moves her arm in a circle, and she winces. Maron says they can get the medic but Zelda angrily tells her no. Zelda grits her teeth again and snarls as she storms up to Amy. Amy hits Zelda with a forearm, but Zelda ROCKS Amy in return! Zelda eggs Amy on and Amy shakes it off, to ROCK Zelda back! Zelda shakes it off as fans rally up, and she ROCKS Amy back!

Amy staggers and fans fire up as Zelda eggs her on some more. Amy gets mad and she runs up to kick Zelda low! Amy fires off more forearms, fans boo, but Amy spins, into a HYLIAN KISS! The headbutt staggers both of them, but Amy swings on Zelda! Zelda gets around, half nelsons, but the bad arm holds her back! Amy elbows free, ROCKS Zelda with another forearm, but Zelda rebounds to HYLIAN KISS again! Fans fire up while both women are on the mat! Maron starts a standing count while fans chant, “This is Awesome!” Zelda and Amy crawl to opposite ends of the ring at 5 of 10, and they each get up on the ropes at 8.

Fans rally again, Amy runs at Zelda, but Zelda sidesteps and Amy hits ropes, REQUIEM OF SPIRIT! Amy sits up in a daze, Zelda shakes out the bad arm, and she grabs at Amy’s wrists. Amy scrambles around, Zelda’s bad arm can’t hold on, and Amy arm-drags Zelda away! Amy dropkicks Zelda’s legs out, gets the bad arm and drags Zelda into a TRIANGLE HOLD! Fans fire up as Amy pulls the arm and Zelda endures! Zelda moves around as fans rally! Amy bends the fingers! Zelda pushes Amy to a high stack, ONE and Amy still has the arm! Zelda and Amy tug-o-war for the arm, Zelda gives in to KNEE Amy down!! Cover, Zelda ELIMINATES Amy!!

Fans are going nuts! Zelda used the struggle for her arm to hit an almost Light Arrow-esque knee! Amy is helped out of the ring and Zelda rests in a corner, but she’s only made it halfway through. Will she be able to finish this gauntlet? Or will the third quarter be the last?

Zelda VS Joelle!

The Poe Sister in red springboards in and AX HANDLES Zelda down! Fans boo and Maron reprimands but Joelle grabs at Zelda and her bad arm! Maron backs Joelle off, but then Joelle jukes around her to PENALTY KICK the arm! Zelda writhes and flounders, fans boo more and Maron warns Joelle that she’ll be disqualified! Joelle backs off, Zelda clutches her arm and goes to a corner. Maron checks with Zelda again, but Zelda says she’s fine and she wants Maron to ring the bell. The bell rings and Joelle rushes in corner to corner! Zelda dodges, Joelle’s dropkick hits buckles, but Joelle tumbles back up to her feet!

Zelda reels Joelle in for the spin, SERENADE OF WATER! Fans fire up while both women are down! Zelda grits her teeth and hits her bad arm to get it moving again. She brings Joelle up with her good arm, mule kicks her, then PELES only for Joelle to block! Joelle GROUND DRAGON SCREWS the leg! Zelda clutches her leg now, and Joelle gets the bad arm! Joelle tucks the arm before hooking the leg in a jackknife bridge! TWO!!! Zelda narrowly escapes and the Poe Sisters can’t believe it! Fans are thunderous and Joelle hurries to get Zelda up. Joelle wrenches and hammerlocks the bad arm, to LARIAT! Cover, TWO!! Zelda survives again!

Beth shouts at Joelle to finish this and Joelle shouts back that she’s trying! Zelda rushes up behind Joelle and pushes her to ropes! Joelle bucks the O’Conner Roll, but rushes into an arm-drag! Zelda chicken wings, but she hesitates because the bad arm has to crossface! Joelle spins around and drop toeholds, then floats to go after the bad arm! Joelle wants a Fujiwara Armbar but Zelda moves around. Zelda rolls, SLAPS Joelle from below, then gets up to half straitjacket Joelle into a ripcord and hard sayanagi! Zelda holds onto Joelle’s arm, drags her up and hits another sayanagi! Zelda then spins Joelle around and hooks her arms, backslide!

Joelle rolls through, but Zelda still has the wrists! LIGHT ARROW!! Cover, Zelda ELIMINATES Joelle!

Zelda VS Beth!

The blue Poe Sister doesn’t give Zelda any time, she CLOBBERS her right as she gets in! Maron reprimands and the fans boo but Beth gets Zelda up and reels her in. Beth underhooks the arms but Zelda back drops free! Fans fire up with Zelda, and she aims from a corner. Maron rings the bell on this final part of the gauntlet, and Zelda runs in at Beth. Beth avoids the Penalty Kick to roll Zelda up, with tights! TWO! Zelda kicks, kicks, sobats, but Beth ducks the enziguri! Beth hops on to body scissor Zelda and roll her over! Then Beth bridges back for the GERUDO CLUTCH! TWO!! Zelda escapes and fans fire up but Beth SLIDING KNEES Zelda back down! Cover, TWO!!

Fans are thunderous but Beth is beside herself! Beth hurries to get Zelda up but she’s practically dead weight! Beth gets frustrated, she CLUBS Zelda down, then gets the wrists! Fans boo as Beth reels her knee back, but then Zelda flops over! Beth is upset, and she sits Zelda back up. Beth reaches her knee back again but Zelda slides under! Zelda uses the double pump handles to flip Beth and then HYLIAN KISS from behind! Beth staggers, Zelda gets her wrists but from behind, for a BLINDSIDE LIGHT ARROW!! Cover, Zelda wins!!

Winner: Zelda, by pinfall (still HPW Goddess Champion)

The reign continues into day 527! Will Zelda be able to make it through the Summer towards the two year mark?

Wait, who is this coming out on stage? Is that…? That’s VERAN! The former Termina Championship Wrestling Women’s Champion is here! And clearly, as she points at Zelda with an evil smile, she wants the title! Is the Sorceress of Shadows going to become HPW’s new goddess?

 

HPW Triforce Championship Triple Threat: Link VS Kage VS Hollywood ReDead w/ Ted Beedle Ossi!

The top title in Hyrule hasn’t been in a Triple Threat since the inaugural Triforce Tournament Finals! The Kid from Kakariko won then to become the Hero of Hyrule, can he win again? Or will he not survive such dark and deadly odds?

The introductions are made, the belt is raised, and this must-see main event closes out the spectacle!

WrestlingTitle Hylian

Fans rally up behind “LINK! LINK! LINK!” as the three stare down. But while Link glances between Kage and ReDead, Kage isn’t looking away from Link. Kage rushes Link and they brawl into a corner, and ReDead goes after both of them! Fans boo as ReDead CLUBS down Kage then ROCKS Link with a forearm! ReDead shoves Kage into a corner, stomps him a few times, but Link comes back to ROCK ReDead! Link whips ReDead corner to corner but ReDead reverses. ReDead runs in at the corner, Link dodges him and ReDead hits buckles. But then Kage runs in! Kage whips Link into ReDead, then rushes in, only for Link to dodge again!

Kage’s back body block hits ReDead and he tumbles out of the ring! Kage rushes Link again, Link drops and kips up to dodge! Both men turn around and show superkick but hold back, and fans fire up for “Both These Guys! Both These Guys!” Link and Kage circle, tie up, and Kage powers Link to ropes. Kage then gets a headlock and hits a takeover. Link headscissors, Kage kips free, and Kage CHOPS Link! Kage headlocks to hit another takeover, Link headscissors again but holds tight this time. Kage moves around, turns Link over and has the legs tied up as he slips out and rolls back, SAND CRAB!

Link rolls through and he monkey flips Kage away! They both kip up as fans fire up, they both SUPERKICK but they both block! They argue about who lets go of the other, and they decide to let go at the same time. Slowly, they set the feet down, but then Kage picks Link’s foot back up! DRAGON SCREW! Kage wants the Sand Crab again but Link kicks at him. Link kicks Kage away and bails out but Kage pursues. Kage fires off hands, Link hits back, fans fire up with the brawl, but then ReDead is in the ring! He PLANCHAS and takes them both out! Fans can’t help but fire up, but then they chant, “You Still Suck! You Still Suck!”

ReDead flexes and shouts, “IIII’M THE MAAAN~!” Beedle is the only one applauding as ReDead scoops and SLAMS Kage on the floor! ReDead scoops and SLAMS Link, too, then drags Link up to put in the ring. ReDead stomps Link, drags him up and puts him in a corner, then whips him corner to corner hard! Link bounces off the buckles, ReDead storms over and stands Link up again. ReDead whips Link corner to corner hard again, but then Kage slips in and rolls ReDead up! TWO, Kage has the legs but ReDead kicks and scrambles out of the Sand Crab! Kage kicks ReDead out of the ring, then goes out after him to RAM him into the barriers!

Kage fires off forearms on ReDead’s head against the barriers and fans fire up! Kage then brings ReDead around to POST him! Kage goes to the apron but Link slides and trips Kage up! Kage smacks off the apron, then Link uses the apron for a TORNADO DDT to the floor! Fans fire up again as Link gets Kage up and in. Link goes up the corner and aims at Kage, ICE ARROW! Cover, TWO! Link hurries back up, but then Beedle distracts him from the apron! Fans boo, referee Tiger Sahasrahla tells Beedle to get away, but ReDead gets up and CLUBS Link on the back! ReDead turns Link around, and fans start freaking out as ReDead gets the facelock!

ReDead tries to bring Link up and fans chant, “Please Don’t Die! Please Don’t Die!” ReDead gets Link up! But Link knees free and gets back on the ropes! Link DECKS ReDead and he tumbles down the apron! Kage springs right up top to double underhook and SUPER BUTTERFLY SUPLEX! Fans lose their minds as Kage and Link writhe from the landing. Beedle shouts to ReDead to get up while fans chant, “This is Awesome!” Kage sits up first, and he hobbles over to Link. Kage snarls and he drags Link up, but Link fireman’s carries! Kage kicks free and shoves Link, DOUBLE SUPERKICKS take both men out! Fans fire up again, but then ReDead stands back up!

Fans boo and chant, “NO! NO! NO!” as ReDead gets in. ReDead looks at both men while they’re down, then runs to DEAD LEG DROP on Link! Fans boo as ReDead covers, but Kage breaks it!! Fans are fired up again but ReDead is furious! ReDead drags Kage up shouts at the “son of a bitch” before he TOSSES him across the way! ReDead then points at Link and shouts, “Now he’s dead!!” ReDead runs the ropes, but Link kips up to SUPERKICK! And then Link fireman’s carries for BOMBOS MEDALLION! Kage SUPERKICKS Link away!! And he covers ReDead! TWO!! ReDead survives and Beedle can breathe again.

All three men are down and fans rally up. Fans chant for “LINK! LINK! LINK!” as he drags himself up the ropes. Kage is in a corner and ReDead gets to ropes. Kage rushes at Link but Link dumps him out! Kage lands on his feet and grabs at Link but he jumps over the sweep to then WRECK Kage through the ropes! ReDead sucker punches Link! Atomic drop to SPINEBUSTER! ReDead roars, but Kage springboards to missile dropkick ReDead and land on Link! Cover, TWO!! Kage growls and grabs Link’s wrists! Fans are going nuts again as Kage rains down stomps!! Kage then drags Link into a TRIANGLE HOLD!!

Fans chant all sorts of ways as Link endures, but he’s caught! He reaches out, moves around, but Kage squeezes tighter! Wait, Beedle gets in! And he has a chair! Beedle SMACKS Kage with the chair! Link is free and the match continues but fans boo as Beedle SMACKS Kage again! Beedle stalks Kage to a corner and stomps him, JAMS him with the chair, then goes after Link! Beedle SMACKS Link, fans boo louder, but Beedle tells them all to shut up. Beedle drags Link to center, sets his head on the chair, and ReDead gets up. Beedle presents Link on the chair like a gift to ReDead, and ReDead applauds while fans boo as hard as they can.

Sahasrahla tells Beedle to get out of the ring but Beedle tells him, “Just be ready to count!” ReDead runs the ropes again, but Kage gets up to shove Beedle into him! Kage then SUPERKICKS ReDead down! Kage grabs Beedle with both hands as he stares death into his eyes! HEADBUTT! Fans fire up, Kage goes back to Link, and he sees the chair. Kage drags Link further onto the chair and puts Link in a drop zone. Kage climbs up the corner, to PHOENIX SPLASH!! Link is sandwiched between Kage and chair!! Kage covers, AND WINS!!

Winner: Kage, by pinfall (NEW HPW Triforce Champion)

The Hero of Hyrule has been dethroned by his shadow! A new era has just taken root, will HPW be subject to the Dark Forces?

Wait, wait, who is this coming out on stage now? Another surprise guest is here? It’s THE DARK GENERAL, ONOX!! The only Termina Championship Wrestling Triple Crown winner is here, too!! And he stares Kage down just like Veran and Zelda! Onox, Veran, is TCW trying to resurrect itself through HPW?


My Thoughts:

I can’t speak to whether this is “must-see,” but I sure had fun with this one. A new top champion while those of another (and currently defunct) promotion are making their way into the company. Big moves for this Summer, we’re going to have a really fun one for July to bridge the gap to August and Treasure Island 3. Which reminds me, I need to get going on Eventide Challenge entrants…


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Bandwagon Nerds

Bandwagon Nerds #160: Changes Bob Iger Style

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Bandwagon Nerds

Patrick O’Dowd, PC Tunney, and Rey Cash revisit the leadership changes at Disney and how Bob Iger has already made his mark in the company.  Plus, after slow week in the trailer park last episode, the Nerds react to five, yes FIVE, trailer releases.  Finally, Patrick and PC Tunney review the Apple TV movie, Spirited starring Will Ferrell and Ryan Reynolds.

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Andrew’s Judgmental Album Reviews: Halestorm – Back From The Dead (2022)

So the JAR is checking the pulse on Halestorm’s Back From The Dead, from earlier in the year. Are they really back, or should it have had more time to bake?

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December is always a weird time with new albums. Many sites like to put together their “Top” since I guess they don’t expect anything to make a last second sprint for best album of the year. Me on the other hand, I like to use the first couple weeks to catch up on a few albums I may have missed.

And that’s right where we are today! This album came out in May, but I was obviously distracted with other things and overlooked it. So now we get to take it for a spin and see where Lzzy and the boys are at in their career.

Halestorm is: Lzzy Hale (Guitars, Piano, Synth & Vocals), Arejay Hale (Drums & Backing Vocals), Joe Hottinger (Lead Guitar), Josh Smith (Bass)

  • Artist: Halestorm
  • Album: Back from the Dead (2022)
  • Label: Atlantic
  • Total Track Time: 37:46

Back From The Dead has a very southern groove rhythm and the actual tone of the instruments feels like it could’ve been a B Side to The Union Underground Across the Nation. Lyrically its just very much about quarantine and how it couldn’t hold her down/back. The song sounds good even if the lyrical content is something I’ve kinda become numb to. Wicked Ways has a few lyrical references to older songs in the catalogue. Lzzy’s more angry belting with a fair amount of vocal fry allows for the tone to never be lost. She’s got imperfections and even if she has her wicked ways it doesn’t make her inherently evil. “I’ve been the freak, I’ve disobeyed, Every single virtue that I ever praised, I get so high on feeling low, Love running with the sicker things, And sleeping with my ghosts, I burn a flame for every scar, I swore allegiance to the fire in my heart, That light’s a darkness I will never betray” – the second verse kinda gets the point across. Strange Girl okay they shift the musical approach a little…but I like it. They go for more of a futuristic/techno vibe. Reminds me of like Adema or Orgy. I do like the lyrical point, its laid out in a very catchy way, the bridge is a nice breakdown crowd singing point for a live concert, its a solidly arranged Pop Rock song. “So you can damn me straight to hell, You can crucify my name, You can throw me to the wolves, You can burn me in the flame, And say, She’s such a strange girl, Such a strange girl, The world needs strange girls, Just like me” – see its a good message.

Brightside is more about embracing the fact that life only gets darker so you need something to help you see the bright side. It definitely has a Saliva kind of vibe. That early 00s Hard Rock tone. A decent enough song, if not redundant for the sake of how popular music works nowadays.  The Steeple I feel like is supposed to be more of a rallying cry style of song, but really I’m just focused on the fact they made a rock song based off that little nursery rhyme with the hand gestures for here’s the church, here’s the steeple, open the doors, see all the people. Not a terrible song, I’m just not gonna take it seriously at all. Terrible Things is yet another quarantine song, done more in the vein of Distrubed‘s take on Sound of Silence. Musically the song is somber and fine, but yeah the ear fatigue of quarantine themes has me counting the seconds until the next song. My Redemption starts with the synths and guitars so heavy that is sounds more like Muse than Halestorm. “Took back my life through an ocean of tears, In a hole down so deep, suffocating from fear, Running from purpose while losing my grip, Building thе walls that built me brick by brick” – there’s a good chance that a fair bit of the imagery in the song could be quarantine inspired; but the lyrics have a wide enough application that the concept of building yourself back up for redemption transcends easy potential connections.

Bombshell is interestingly worded in the approach on how women are treated in the industry. I especially enjoy the bridge, “She’s not fragile like a flower, She is fragile like a bomb”. I like the fact that bombshell isn’t being used to describe a “gorgeous woman” but more a woman ready to explode. I Come First is a song where I hope there might’ve been some sexual word play since they’ve done that in the past, but this is more of a “know your worth” style of song. The song isn’t terrible, but it is wholly forgettable. Psycho Crazy well the song isn’t walking down any new avenues. The typical concept of someone pointing out her issues and calling her crazy…so she’ll up the ante. “If you want crazy, I’ll give you psycho, So don’t make me mad, I’ll get sick in the head, And show you what you don’t know, If you want crazy, I’ll give you psycho” – I would say the vibe is a generally venomous on the road to break up song. Decent, but not great. Raise Your Horns is more like Hallelujah than a rock song. A piano ballad done with the lighters swaying in the crowd concept. I wasn’t anticipating ending the album with this kind of song.


Okay, I…don’t know why this album was hyped so hard. It wasn’t awful, so don’t get it twisted. It’s just such…bland Hard Rock. There were basically 3 songs with clever wording or a message that wasn’t trite. And I feel like ending the song with something that sounded more like a church hymnal, after the last few songs weren’t very strong, is a heavy misstep.

The album wasn’t awful, but God was it boring.

Final Judgment: 5.85/10


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