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Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu Results & Report! (7/4/22)

Fireworks in Termina!

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HPW Termina Velocity

The Legend of Zelda: The Ring of Destiny, Chapter 31

For the first time ever, HPW is live from another country! Termina Velocity sees legends of TCW take on the Hyrule stars of today!

OFFICIAL RESULTS

  • 21 Person Battle Royal Eventide Challenge Qualifier: Hilda, Cia, Skull Kid, Hollywood ReDead, Groose and Link all advance to the Eventide Challenge on Treasure Island.
  • HPW Goddess Championship Contender’s Match: Zelda VS Veran; Veran wins and will challenge for the title on Treasure Island.
  • HPW Triforce Championship Contender’s Match: Kage VS Onox; Kage wins and denies Onox a title match.
  • HPW Termina Championship: Fin Balure w/ Arrow Club VS Igos du Ikana w/ The Ikana Royal Family; Balure wins and retains the title.

PLAY BY PLAY

HPW and HXS TV set the scene!

June had a Spectacular Spectacle that was surely must-see, and it crowned a NEW HPW Triforce Champion! The Hero’s Shadow took advantage of the Triple Threat and came out victorious for the Dark Forces! But he has known these last three weeks that a Dark General is after him! Even though Onox is Termina Championship Wrestling’s only Triple Crown Winner, HPW won’t give him a title match right out the gate. But they will give him a chance to earn a title opportunity. Will Onox defeat Kage on his home turf to then face Kage again in August?

The same goes for the Sorceress of Shadow who silently called out Zelda after Zelda retained the title against all four Poe Sisters! Will Veran, the longest-reigning TCW Women’s Champion, turn back time with a win over the Princess of Hyrule? And in the main event, the Ruler of Ruin looks to do the same against the Zora Rock ‘n’ Rolla! Igos du Ikana wants THE Termina Championship back, but will Fin Balure make sure that ship sinks to the bottom of the sea? However, we open with a 21 Person Battle Royal! Those who last the longest will make the cut for the Eventide Challenge on Treasure Island! HPW Termina Velocity starts now!

 

21 Person Battle Royal Eventide Challenge Qualifier!

Treasure Island 3 is on the horizon, and that means the Eventide Challenge comes with it! The former HPW Triforce Champion, Link, stands among friends and enemies alike! Out of Link, Lana, Hilda, Ravio, Yuga, Volga, Cia, Groose, Tingle, Skull Kid, Rosso, Torbevito, The Great Fairy, Iron Knuckle, Nabooru, Garo Master, Osphala, Oaky Threetoh, Gooma, Doomknocker, and Hollywood ReDead, who will be the #EventideSix with a wet hot Hyrule summer ahead of them?

The bell rings and the brawl is on! Cia and Volga stick together, as do Hilda and Ravio, as well as Doomknocker and Gooma. The Doombringers brawl with the Dark Forces, Hilda goes after Yuga, Rosso DECKS Garo Master, and wait, is Oaky Treetoh still singing her theme song while standing on the corner? Didn’t she finish during her entrance? Or is this a special encore so that she can be the odd one out? Skull Kid pushes her over! Treetoh holds onto the ropes desperately and fans boo as Skull Kid tries to ruin the performance! Groose and Tingle go after Skull Kid for him ditching the Studly Guys and fans cheer!

Torbevito KICKS Iron Knuckle in the leg but Knuckle HEADBUTTS Torbevito down! The Great Fairy and Nabooru brawl, Osphala waistlocks Lana but Lana switches and shoves him away, then dropkicks him to ropes! ReDead rushes over and he ROCKS Osphala with a right! ReDead tries to dump Osphala out, but Link goes after ReDead! Link’s clearly taking his frustrations over losing the title out on ReDead and fans fire up! Link and ReDead brawl, Knocker DECKS Volga, but Cia jumps on him with a SLEEPER! Gooma drags Cia off Knocker and throws her into a corner. Cia ducks Gooma’s corner clothesline and she dropkicks Knocker!

Volga RAMS into Gooma in the corner, he and Cia try to get him up and out but he’s pretty big. Gooma CLUBS Volga and pushes Cia away, only for Lana to dropkick Gooma’s legs out! Cia and Lana, the frenemy sisters they are, work together with Volga! But Knocker CLUBS Volga down and then brings him around to tosses him out! Knocker ELIMINATES Volga! Lana and Cia go after Knocker together but he knocks them away. Nabooru kicks Great Fairy then bumps her off buckles. Great Fairy turns things around to bump Nabooru off buckles in return! Skull Kid pops Tingle up to DECK him with a forearm!

Skull Kid trophy lifts Tingle and aims for the ropes! But Tingle slips off and shoves Skull Kid at the ropes! Tingle runs in, but Skull Kid catches him for a BACKBREAKER to a COMPLETE SHOT! Groose BOOTS Skull Kid down! But then Garo Master tilt-o-whirls around Groose for a DDT! Link MASTER SWORDS Garo Master against the ropes! Then Link TOSSES and ELIMINATES Garo Master! Osphala brawls with Gomess, Link rushes after ReDead! Oaky Treetoh finally slips back into the ring, and she huffs and puffs as she kicks and punches Yuga. Yuga asks her what her problem is, then kicks her low. Fans boo but he tells them to shut up!

Rosso and Iron Knuckle RAM into each other, shoulder to shoulder, again and again! Rosso ROCKS Knuckle but Knuckle BOOTS back! Knuckle GoroUppers Rosso into a corner, fires more GoroUppers, then goes to pick Rosso up. Rosso holds ropes to resist and he kicks at Knuckle. Torbevito tilt-o-whirls around Knuckles to headscissor him into ropes! Torbevito then runs the ropes, but Knuckle gets up and HEADBUTTS Torbevito! Torbevito wobbles, and Knuckle TOSSES him out! Iron Knuckle ELIMINATES Torbevito! Fans boo but then Rosso dumps Knuckle out of the ring! Rosso ELIMINATES Iron Knuckle!

Rosso turns around into Gooma’s SPINEBUSTER! Gooma then gets the legs to CATAPULT Rosso at the ropes! Rosso tumbles up and over but he hangs on! Ravio rushes in to SHOTGUN Rosso and ELIMINATE him! Ravio then scurries away to a corner for safety. Hilda and Ravio regroup, and she shields him while he undoes buckle pads in that corner. Lana storms up after Hilda but she throws a buckle pad at her! And another, and then the third! Then Hilda ROCKS Lana, and whips her over the ropes! Lana holds on, Cia rushes in but Hilda throws her at Lana! But Cia rolls to be on Lana’s back and Lana pops Cia in, SILLY STRING DDT!

Cia hurries to get Hilda up, but Ravio sweeps Lana’s legs out! Lana hits the apron on the way down, but she still touches the floor! Ravio ELIMINATES Lana! Cia DECKS Hilda then CHOPS Ravio! Groose brawls with Skull Kid, Tingle jumps on Skull Kid but gets thrown off easily. Skull Kid ROUNDHOUSES Tingle, then mule kicks Groose, front kicks, then ENZIGURIS! Tingle staggers, Skull Kid trophy lifts Tingle, then TOSSES Tingle over the top rope! Tingle falls right to the floor, Skull Kid ELIMINATES Tingle! Skull Kid then goes after Groose again, and the brawl is back on! Groose swings but Skull Kid dodges to CHOP BLOCK a leg out!

Great Fairy BOOTS Nabooru, Nabooru staggers to ropes, and Great Fairy rushes in, only for Nabooru to dump her out! Great Fairy stays on the apron, Nabooru swings but Great Fairy ducks and HOTSHOTS Nabooru away. Great Fairy then springboards, but Nabooru shoves her away! Great Fairy manages to land on the barriers! She clings to them as best she can, and even does the splits to get her legs hooked up on top. Great Fairy then stands up on the barriers and tightrope walks on them to get closer to the steel steps. But then Nabooru goes out onto the apron and stands on the steps to be in her way!

Great Fairy is angry because she can’t go to the steps now! Nabooru points out she went through the second rope, so she can touch the floor! Nabooru rushes Great Fairy and shoves her off the barriers! Nabooru ELIMINATES Great Fairy! Fans are torn while Nabooru slides back into the ring. Hilda GAMANGIRIS Nabooru and then dumps her out! Hilda ELIMINATES Nabooru! Yuga sucker punches Hilda! Yuga brings Hilda around and aims at the ropes, but Hilda hits him with a back elbow first. Hilda feeds Yuga to Ravio and Ravio FLAPJACKS Yuga off the bare buckles! Yuga staggers and checks his face!

Yuga isn’t busted open, but Ravio and Hilda TOSS Yuga out onto Nabooru! They ELIMINATE Yuga together! Knocker and Gooma rush together! Ravio shoves Hilda out of the way, the Doombringers double clothesline Ravio up and out! The Doombringers ELIMINATE Ravio! But then Gomess and ReDead go after them! They brawl, Gomess CHOPS Knocker, ReDead HEADBUTTS Gooma. The uWo then go to clothesline, but while ReDead sends Gooma out, Knocker tosses Gomess up and over! ReDead ELIMINATES Gooma while Knocker ELIMINATES Gomess! Fans fire up but ReDead is shocked and upset!

Knocker and ReDead start brawling, Knocker gets the edge, and BACKHANDS ReDead! ReDead falls down, Knocker has to drag him back up. Knocker gets ReDead to the ropes, but then Cia CLUBS Knocker on the back. Cia KICKS Knocker in the leg, and hits a BACKSTABBER! Knocker staggers, ReDead back drops Knocker up and out! ReDead ELIMINATES Knocker! Cia then knees ReDead low! Cia fires off elbows on the back of ReDead’s neck! ReDead shoves Cia away then BOOTS her down! Link SUPEKICKS ReDead! ReDead goes down, so Link has to drag his deadweight up now. ReDead LOW BLOWS Link from below!

Hilda bumps Treetoh’s head off bare steel! But Treetoh’s hard head withstands it?! Treetoh is powering up, and she throws furious body shots on Hilda over and over! Treetoh is backing Hilda down with punch after punch! Hilda kicks but Treetoh blocks, to then KICK Hilda in return! Hilda staggers away into a corner, and Treetoh fires up! Fans fire up with her, she runs in, but Hilda sends her into the POST! Hilda drags Treetoh out to a hammerlock, for HER CROWNING ACHIEVEMENT! Hilda then hauls Treetoh up and throws her out, Hilda ELIMINATES Treetoh! We’re down to seven! Only one more elimination until we have our #EventideSix!

Osphala, Link and Groose move over to one side, having a loose alliance through their friendly rivalries. Cia and Hilda start scrapping with each other, ReDead BOOTS Link and Skull Kid jumps onto Groose! Groose rams Skull Kid into buckles, Osphala KICKS ReDead in the leg. ReDead ROCKS Osphala with a forearm, Link HOOK KICKS ReDead! Groose throws Skull Kid off, but Skull Kid’s right back up to CODE BREAKER! Link CLUBS ReDead, brings him around, and Osphala helps him suplex. ReDead fights the double suplex, to DOUBLE SUPLEX them instead! ReDead runs the ropes, but Link SUPERKICKS him!

ReDead leans against ropes, Osphala rushes in! But ReDead holds the ropes down! Osphala tumbles out and hits the floor!! ReDead ELIMINATES Osphala, and we have our Eventide Six!

Winners: Hilda, Cia, Groose, Skull Kid, Hollywood ReDead & Link (advance to Treasure Island)

Her Grace, the Dark Sorceress, the Skyfall Stud, the “Masked Menace,” the Immortal Renegade, and the Hero of Hyrule are all going to Eventide! The fighting stops for now, but who will win that grand prize and head for the Triforce Championship?

 

The Indigo-Go’s are here for a live musical performance!

Termina’s #1 all Zora rock band, and #7 on the Termina Top 100 all this year, is here to perform their hit song, The Ballad of the Wind Fish!

 

HPW Goddess Championship Contender’s Match: Zelda VS Veran!

The Princess of Hyrule has been champion for FIVE HUNDRED AND FORTY-NINE DAYS! Zelda defeated all four Poe Sisters at the Spectacular Spectacle, but was called out by the Sorceress of Shadows. The title isn’t on the line, but will day 550 be where Zelda starts to lose her grip? Or can she stay strong against the longest-reigning TCW Women’s Champion?

Naturally, the fans are very excited to see Veran, and she does wave to the crowd. The bell rings and the two stare down as fans rally up. Zelda and Veran slowly circle, then approach. They tie up, Veran has the height advantage and uses that leverage to push Zelda back. They end up on ropes, but Zelda turns things around, only for Veran to shove her down! Zelda kips up and stares Veran down and fans applaud. The two reset, circle, and tie up again. Zelda gets around to a waistlock, then a headlock. Zelda grinds the hold, but Veran throws body shots. Veran powers out, Zelda ducks the clothesline but Veran scoops her for a tilt-o-whirl BACKBREAKER!

Fans rally up, Veran clamps onto Zelda with a rear bearhug. Veran squeezes tight and leans on the hold but Zelda endures. Zelda fights up, pries at the hold, but Veran picks up and SLAMS Zelda down. Veran floats to a facelock, gator rolls Zelda from the ropes, and then deadlift suplexes! Cover, TWO! Veran stays on Zelda with a chinlock. Veran grinds Zelda into the mat, and shifts around to get leverage. Zelda still endures, fights to move around, and manages to get up and over to get a cover! TWO, and Zelda is after an arm! Veran scrambles around to get to the ROPEBREAK! Fans cheer the exchange and Zelda lets Veran go.

Veran composes herself and gets to her feet. She and Zelda reset, they circle, and tie up again. Veran wrenches an arm, grinds the shoulder, but Zelda rolls and reaches up with her legs. Veran shoves the headscissor away and stands on Zelda’s arm to then STOMP it with her other foot! Zelda clutches the arm while fans cheer. Veran KICKS Zelda in the back, then clamps onto the bad arm. Zelda resists, rolls and arm-drags Veran to go for an armlock, but Veran returns the arm-drag. The two stand off again and fans cheer the exchange. They circle, tie up again, and but then Veran throws Zelda down on the mat!

Veran has a smug smile as she looms over Zelda while Zelda checks her face. Veran gives Zelda a toying kick and Zelda is already upset. Veran gives another toying kick and Zelda gets up to SLAP Veran! Fans go nuts and Veran is wide eyed but glaring daggers at Zelda. Veran swings a slap but Zelda catches it and wrenches to a hammerlock. Zelda tries to bring Veran down with that but Veran stays up and they go around and around. They end up in the ropes, referee Maron Ronron counts and Zelda lets off, only to KICK Veran in the side! Maron reprimands and Veran is angry again but Zelda eggs her on.

Fans rally up as Veran storms up on Zelda. Zelda gets around, CLUBS Veran then waistlocks. Veran resists the lift, elbows free, then mule kicks, front kicks, and ROLLING ELBOWS! Zelda stays up but staggers, Veran waistlocks then wristlocks, ripcord to BIONIC ELBOW! The Bee Sting! Cover, TWO! Veran is annoyed but fans fire up. Zelda sits up in a daze, Veran stomps her down. Zelda crawls for ropes but Veran gets the legs and drags her away! Veran sits down, rolls and turns Zelda over, and she has the legs hooked up over her shoulders. Veran grabs Zelda’s arms and pulls them back, for the SPIDER WEB!

Zelda endures as she’s stretched back! Fans rally, Zelda tucks her chin to resist as best she can. Veran thrashes Zelda around but Zelda refuses to give in! Fans are dueling, “TAP! TAP! TAP!” “NO! NO! NO!” Zelda moves around, and she gets an arm free! Zelda reaches out, claws forward, and gets the ROPEBREAK! Fans are going nuts and Maron counts as Veran holds on. Veran lets go at 4, basically dropping Zelda, and fans chant, “This is Awesome!” Veran is frustrated, and she drags Zelda up, but Zelda gives her a HYLIAN KISS! Veran staggers and checks her face, and Zelda whips her to a corner.

Zelda runs in but Veran dodges. Veran comes back but Zelda elbows her away. Zelda then goes up, jumps back and POISON-RANAS!! Fans are thunderous as Zelda fires up! Veran sits up in a daze, Zelda BUZZSAWS! Zelda chicken wings an arm and she wants the crossface, but Veran scrambles around! Zelda keeps the arm hooked with the chicken wing but Veran gets to ropes! Maron calls the ropebreak but Veran keeps going out of the ring. Veran YANKS Zelda into the ropes! Zelda sputters, Maron reprimands Veran but Veran gets in and stomps Zelda to a drop zone. Veran jumps up the corner and twists, BEETLE BOMB SENTON! Cover, VERAN WINS!

Winner: Veran, by pinfall (earns an HPW Goddess Championship match for Treasure Island 3)

Incredible! The Sorceress of Shadows brings down the Princess of Hyrule! Perhaps it was lucky that this was not a title match in itself. With roughly a month to prepare, will Zelda be able to game plan her redemption? Or will Veran be able to do what she did here on Eventide in August?

 

HPW Triforce Championship Contender’s Match: Kage VS Onox!

The Hero’s Shadow just won this title at the Spectacular Spectacle, and now he stands atop Hyrule! But already, he is being tested. We just saw the HPW Goddess Champion fall to a TCW legend, will we see the same happen here? Or will the Dark General lose this battle to the ace of the Dark Forces?

The bell rings and fans rally up as the two circle. They tie up, Onox powers Kage back to ropes, and the ref counts the ropebreak. Onox lets off slowly, but Kage kicks low! Kage headlocks, Onox powers up to lift him but Kage thrashes the hold. Onox endures, throws body shots, then powers out. Kage holds the ropes to stop himself, Onox rushes in and Kage lets him rebound off ropes to roll Onox up! TWO, Kage tries for Master Sword but Onox dodges! Kage goes to superkick but Onox blocks that. Onox pushes Kage over but Kage kips back up, MASTER SWORD! Onox tumbles out while fans fire up over the exchange.

Kage hurries to the ropes and aims, for a PLANCHA! Onox moves, Kage manages to land on his feet, and Onox CLOBBERS him! Fans fire up as Onox hauls Kage up to smack him off the apron! Onox brings Kage around to POST him, then brings Kage up to APRON BACK SUPLEX! Kage flops to the floor and Onox refreshes the ring count. Onox drags Kage up and whips him hard into barriers! Fans fire up and chant “You Still Got It!” as Onox storms up on Kage. Onox stands Kage against the barriers and CLUBS him in the chest! Kage snarls but Onox CLUBS him on the back! Onox shoves Kage into the ring, covers, ONE!!

Fans rally up while Onox drags Kage up. Onox trophy lifts Kage and carries him around! Fans fire up as Onox even holds Kage up with one arm! Then Onox DROPS Kage! Kage hits the mat and fans cheer as Onox flexes. Onox wants Kage to get back up, and Kage slowly rises. Onox runs the ropes, and he POUNCES Kage! Kage flounders to a corner and fans fire up as Onox runs corner to corner! But Kage moves and Onox hits buckles! Kage ENZIGURIS Onox into the corner, then GERMAN SUPLEXES Onox out of the corner! Fans fire up while both men are down! Onox sits up slowly, and Kage hurries over to get the wrists!

Onox resists being pulled into the Light Arrow, then gets a leg up to boot Kage away. Kage gets up, runs back in, but into a POP-UP GORON DROP! Cover, TWO! Onox is growing frustrated with Kage’s toughness, but fans are rallying up. Onox kicks Kage to a corner, then hauls him up to the top rope. Onox ROCKS Kage with a haymaker, then climbs up to join Kage. Onox goes to suplex but Kage blocks it! Kage throws body shots, then CLUBS Onox’s back! And CLUBS him again and again and again! But Onox just stands up tall and glares at him! Onox HEADBUTTS Kage, Kage wobbles, and Onox brings him back in.

Onox suplexes but Kage fights free and slips under Onox! Kage CLUBS Onox on the back again, then tucks him into the corner! SUPERKICK! Kage then Electric Chair Lifts Onox from the corner! Fans fire up, but Onox is proving too much for Kage to carry, especially after the damage to his back. Kage drops and Onox gets to ropes. Kage staggers up, into a LARIAT from Onox! Both men are down again and fans fire back up. Onox seethes and gets to his feet, and he looms over Kage. Onox deadlifts Kage into a suplex! And then USHIGOROSHI! The Gorgon’s Stare! Cover, TWO!! Kage survives and Onox is furious!

Onox drags Kage up with both hands, and then TOSSES him to a corner! Onox SPLASHES Kage and lets him drop to the mat. Onox positions Kage in the drop zone and goes up the corner. Fans fire up, but Kage gets up to SHORYUKEN! Onox wobbles up top now, but Kage drags him into a fireman’s carry! ROLLING DEATH VALLEY! Kage uses the momentum and runs to the corner and comes back, SLIDING FOREARM! Fans fire up and Kage roars! Kage gets the wrists, but Onox spins and arm-drags Kage away! Kage gets back up, Onox rushes in, MASTER SWORD! Onox stays up and DISCUS!

Fans are thunderous and chant “This is Awesome!” as Onox shakes the cobwebs out of his head as he steadies himself. Kage kips up!?! Fans lose their minds now as Kage and Onox both look over their shoulders at the other. Kage hobbles as he turns around and walks up to Onox. Onox throws a heavy forearm, but Kage only takes a couple steps back! Kage ROCKS Onox back, but Onox only takes a couple steps back. Onox ROCKS Kage, Kage ROCKS Onox, and fans rally up as the forearms fly back and forth, faster and faster! Onox gets the edge, ROCKS Kage again, then spins, DISCUS- NO, Kage goes Matrix to avoid the lariat! HOOK KICK!

Onox staggers to a corner, Kage CHOP BLOCKS a leg! Onox drops to his knees and Kage starts raining down forearms against buckles! The ref counts, Kage lets off at 4 and then runs corner to corner. BLINDSIDE MASTER SWORD! Fans are thunderous again as Kage drags Onox up in a waistlock, and gets him up for a HIGH ANGLE GERMAN!! Bridging cover, TWO!!! Onox survives and Kage’s shock and indignation is clear, even through his skull face paint! Kage sits Onox up while getting his wrists, LIGHT ARROW!!! Cover, but they’re too close to the ropes! Kage curses while he drags Onox away by his arms, reels him in and underhooks!

But Onox stands up to have Kage in a Hebra Lift! HEBRA SLAM!! Onox falls onto the cover, TWO!!! Fans are going nuts but Onox is too tired to be shocked! Kage sits up in a daze while Onox drags himself to ropes. Onox drags himself up with the ropes, and he drops an elbow on Kage! Onox drags Kage back into a drop zone, goes up the corner again, but Kage hurries to get up and under him! Electric Chair Lift, tuck and DARK CLOUD DRIVER!! Cover, Kage wins!!!

Winner: Kage, by pinfall (denies Onox an HPW Triforce Championship match)

Fans are shocked but still give this battle a standing ovation! Kage and Onox both need some help standing back up, but they still walk over to each other on their own. Fans are chanting for “Both These Guys! Both These Guys!” as the two stare down. Onox offers a handshake, and fans chant “YES! YES! YES!” Kage looks at the hand a moment, then accepts the handshake! Fans love the sportsmanship shown from these two grim, gritty gladiators! But if the Dark General won’t have a title match at Treasure Island, who will?

 

HPW Termina Championship: Fin Balure w/ Arrow Club VS Igos du Ikana w/ The Ikana Royal Family!

Termina Championship Wrestling’s top title returns home! But after a controversial win, it’s around the waist of the Zora Rock ‘n’ Rolla. Will the Ruler of Ruin redeem himself and truly bring this title home? Or will Fin find a way to keep it reeeeel?

The introductions are made, the belt is raised, and we see who waves the banner of TCW!

HyruleProWrestling TerminaChampionship

Fans fire up already with “Here we go, Igos, here we go! *clap clap*” Igos and Fin stare down while their factions talk trash to each other. The two slowly circle, approach, and tie up. Fin headlocks, grinds the hold, but Igos powers Fin back to ropes then powers out. They RAM shoulders, but neither man falls! Fans fire up and both sides cheer their leaders as Fin and Igos stare down again. Fin dares Igos to run, so Igos runs the ropes, and the RAM shoulders again! Fin staggers this time and the Ikana Royal Family cheers! Igos dares Fin to run the ropes, as does the IRF. Fin runs, RAMS shoulders with Igos, but Igos still stays up.

Fans rally again, “Here we go, Igos, here we go! *clap clap*” and get louder as the IRF encourage them. Igos runs, RAMS Fin, and Fin rebounds to RAM Igos back! Igos rebounds, but into Fin’s CHOP! Fin and Arrow Club laugh and soak up the heat, but then Fin turns around into Igos’ KICK to the chest! Fin sputters and Arrow Club complains to Tiger Sahasrahla. But he asks them, “It was a kick! That’s not illegal!” and fans laugh. Igos CLUBS Fin and puts him in a corner for body shots! Sahasrahla counts, Igos lets off at 4, but then he KICKS Fin in the chest again! And again! And again! Sahasrahla counts again, Igos lets off at 4 and fans are all fired up!

Fin is mad and he storms up on Igos! He and Igos start throwing hands and fans are loving this! Igos ROCKS Fin with a cross counter! Igos KICKS Fin in the chest again, and Fin drops to his knees! Igos KICKS Fin again, and again, and again! Fin manages to stay up, so Igos winds back. Igos runs in but Fin blocks the kick this time! Fin trips Igos to DOUBLE STOMP him down! Fin gets up, clutching his stinging chest, but he aims at Igos from a corner. Igos gets up, Fin runs in, but Igos avoids the shotgun dropkick! Fin hits the mat, Igos runs and PENALTY KICKS Fin down! Cover, TWO! Igos hurries for the dragon sleeper but Fin scrambles to the ropes!

Sahasrahla counts as Igos still grabs at Fin, and Igos lets off quick while egging Fin on. Fin is frustrated but the Young Ducks, Mack & Rick, calm him down. Fin and Igos reset and circle again. Fans rally up again, the two tie up, and they go around the ring. They end up on ropes, off ropes, back onto ropes, into a corner, back onto ropes, then Igos puts Fin back in a corner. Sahasrahla counts, Igos lets off slowly, but Fin is furious and he shoves Igos down! Fans boo but the Arrow Club laughs and talks trash while Fin shouts, “I’M the champion now! Termina is MINE!” Igos gets up and gets in Fin’s face, but Fin CHOPS Igos!

Fin eggs Igos on, and Igos KICKS Fin in the chest! Fin CHOPS, Igos KICKS, repeat, and fans fire up again! Igos kicks but blocks it, spins Igos around and waistlocks. Igos blocks the lift, pries the hold open and wrenches the arm to a wristlock. Igos CLUBS the arm, Fin CHOPS again, Igos back elbows! Fin checks his teeth, then turns back around into the IKANA RUSH! But Fin avoids the knee and hits a NECKBREAKER! Fin clamps onto Igos with a chinlock, grinds Igos down, and shifts position to almost have a Bully Choke! Igos endures, fans rally, and Igos moves around. Igos reaches out, Fin floats around and has the chinlock from the other side now.

Fans rally as Igos continues to endure. Fin blocks the ropes on one side, but Igos reaches for the other side. The Ducks pull the bottom rope back to keep it further away from Igos, but the IRF point it out! Sahasrahla reprimands the Ducks and they back off, and Igos reaches out for the ROPEBREAK! Fans cheer and Sahasrahla counts, but Fin holds until 4. Fin then stomps away on Igos at the ropes, even giving him springboard stomps! Fans boo and Sahasrahla counts again, and Fin stops at 4 to argue with him. This is a distraction so that Bad Croc Scaly can sucker punch Igos! Fans boo but the IRF rushes in!

Fans fire up as the IRF and Arrow Club start brawling! The IRF have a 4v3 advantage but Scaly is brawling with both Captain Keeta and Stal-Kid at the same time! Sahasrahla sees this and he tells them all to stop! Fin is upset because the IRF hit Arrow Club first, but Igos LOW BLOW UPPERCUTS Fin from behind! Fin feels the sting of karma while Igos rolls him up! Sahasrahla is a little slow to seeing the cover, hurries to count, TWO!! Fin survives but Igos keeps his focus. Igos lifts Fin’s head with his foot, stands him up, spins, but Fin rushes in to BLINDSIDE HEADBUTT! Igos staggers, Fin reels him in for a dragon sleeper, ELBOW DROP DDT!

Fans are going nuts now while both men are down! Fin snarls and gets to his feet. Fin drags Igos into a drop zone, then goes out to the apron. Fans rally for Igos as Fin climbs the corner. Fin aims, leaps, COUP DE- NO! Igos moves and Fin lands on his feet, legs jamming! Fin turns around, ELEGY OF EMPTINESS!! Igos hurries to turn Fin over to cover, but the brawling on the outside spills into the ring! The Ducks SUPERKICK Hurr & Durr! Sahasrahla reprimands and Igos is furious! Igos ROCKS Mack with a forearm, BOOTS Rick, back elbows Mack, and ROUNDHOUSES Scaly off the apron!

Sahasrahla ushers the Ducks out of the ring and Igos goes back to Fin. Igos waistlocks but Fin holds onto the top buckle pad! Igos keeps trying to pull Fin away from the corner but Fin still holds on! But then the buckle pad comes loose! Sahasrahla notices, tries to get the buckle pad from Fin but Fin throws it away. Sahasrahla chases after it and Fin LOW BLOW MULE KICKS Igos! Payback for the payback! Fans boo but Fin aims from the opposite corner. Sahasrahla still wants the buckle pad but Mack has it and won’t give it back! Fin SHOTGUNS Igos into the corner and the exposed turnbuckle!

Igos staggers forward, clutching the spot between his shoulders, and Fin SLINGBLADES him down! Rick points out to Sahasrahla that Fin is climbing up top! COUP DE GRACE!! Fans boo as Sahasrahla counts the cover, Fin wins!

Winner: Fin Balure, by pinfall (still HPW Termina Champion)

Fans are furious that the Zora Rock ‘n’ Rolla won by both hook and by crook! Captain Keeta is furious but Scaly grabs him and hits him with the GRENADE FIST! Stal-Kid rushes into the ring, but the Ducks DOUBLE SUPERKICK him down! Fans start throwing plastic water bottles and popcorn bags in anger and disgust, but the Arrow Club just revels in it! And now Fin gets the mic! “I believe it’s tradition in Termina that the winner of the main event gets to speak. So everyone just shut the hell up for a minute!” Fans only boo harder, and Fin says, “This is on way to treat your HPW Termina Champion!”

Fin holds up the belt and says it again, “I am YOUR Hyrule Pro-Wrestling Termina Champion! Igos’ time has long since past him by, and now you are in a new era! The Reeeeeel Era! And we’re only getting started! On Treasure Island, all the gold is on the line, and that is where Bad Croc Scaly and the Young Ducks will take those HPW Trios Championships from that sorry bleedin’ excuse for a team in Ganondorf and his two Young Boys! As for me, I could defend MY HPW Termina Championship…” Fans boo hard as ever and that annoys Arrow Club. “But at the same time,” Fin continues, “I did happen to notice our HPW Triforce Champion’s card is open.”

Fans boo more as they sense where Fin is going with this. Fin says that Arrow Club already said they’re not settling for just a few belts. Fin officially issues a challenge to Kage, the HPW Triforce Champion! Fans boo, but then they cheer when they see Kage walk out on stage! Kage, face paint smeared from his match with Onox, glares at Fin in the ring. Kage has a mic and the title in hand, and he says, “You’re on.” Kage raises the Triforce title, Fin raises the Termina title, and fans have a reason to cheer again! Will the Hero’s Shadow humble the ambitious Fin Balure? Or will Arrow Club soon reign over all of HPW?


My Thoughts:

I love where this went to lead into Treasure Island. Link is part of his first Eventide Challenge, though to be fair there’ve only been two and we’re heading for the third… But I like how the Battle Royal turned out and how we’ve got some good feuds in that group of six. The Goddess Championship was a lot of fun, as was the Triforce Championship match, but I felt like it was a good move that only one of them would owe a match at Treasure Island. And I felt that it was best if Zelda was the one who owed a title match, she had been coasting this year and needed something to put pressure on her.

And of course, a great Termina Championship match, I feel that was just the right amount of “overbooking” given the factions each man leads. Arrow Club of course had to be the Heels here, IRF are the hometown heroes and treated as Faces. And Fin challenging for the top title felt like a good moving going into Treasure Island, but don’t worry, there will be something cooked up over the Termina Championship and how Treasure Island demands all belts be defended.


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Andrew’s Judgmental Album Reviews: Cannons – Fever Dream (2022)

The JAR decides to kick back on a summer day and just vibe to some electro synthwave. How does Cannons album Fever Dream fair against the judgment?

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The magic of random YouTube recommendations strikes again! Upon rummaging through many different genres including indigenous folk pop (yes I know what I said), assortments of metal, some country and random soundtracks…it tells me about this little Retro Synthwave group out of California.

Being around for about a decade, they have a very interesting indie sound. So I’m late to the party, as per usual with the random YouTube recommendations. An ethereal retro dream pop sound is definitely how I would describe what I’ve heard before noticing they had a 2022 album, and it would be an easy thing to cover. So it’s time to work away from Heavy Metal for a little and just chill out.

Cannons is: Michelle Joy Lewis (vocals), Ryan Clapham (guitar) & Paul Davis (bass & keyboard)

  • Artist: Cannons
  • Album: Fever Dream (2022)
  • Label: Columbia Records
  • Total Track Time: 38:28

Come Alive very simple and defined bassline with the drum kick keyboard effect. It has a very hypnotizing vibe of like driving down the highway and just getting lulled to sleep by the lights. With the lyrics talking about being alone for a while, and dreaming about the other person, it fits that driving towards a destination vibe. Very chill and groovy. Hurricane was actually the song that YouTube recommended to me. The chorus is catchy; “Coming back like a hurricane, I’m gonna take you higher, On a cloud of silver haze, I wanna take you higher, Away, away, away”, and the music sways like the calmest wind in the world. So the concept of taking someone away and wanting to rearrange their surroundings I feel is more of a positive winds of change than the usual violent hurricane analogy. The song is cool, even if the lyrics don’t quite fit. Strangers a very 80s synth rhythm section to this song. Like it feels like a Rockwell song. Atmospherically it feels like spiraling down, which seems to work for the sea of strangers gimmick and getting lost in the sound. So it grooves nicely, but at least it’s slightly faster than the hypnotic tones they’ve taken so far.

Tunnel of You immediately had me think Chris Isaak Wicked Game. It’s got a distant hollowed guitar tone and starts off very somber and has that same elongated strum that Wicked Game has. It’s definitely got that cute yet reflective vibe to the lyrics as well, “Hey, why don’t you come around? I miss you, babe, Stay and lift me up, don’t let me hit the ground, ‘Cause I’ve been walking past midnight, And I’ve been talking to the moon about you”. A weird, somewhat melancholic portraying of falling in love or still being in love but something has or will cause things to fall apart. Bad Dream definitely has more of that 80s electro bop to it. A simple song about going to a show where you liked a person, but someone got to them before you could, so you’re living a bad dream. All of the nice elements to make for a great 80s montage of driving away upset you lost your shot with the person you liked. Ruthless okay this still has the expected echo effect on the vocals and the general feeling of the song, but the bassline, bass drum kicks and clap sections definitely give it more of a Duran Duran kind of vibe. Still well within the wheelhouse, but I’m honestly glad they move into a few different tempos and colors for songs from time to time. Also I will say, the way she says “fuck you” in the chorus has a cuteness to the degree of the Lily Allen song Fuck You. 

Only You is a sweet song. On an album with a few hit or miss love opportunities, some break ups, something done to a Waltz tempo about feeling better with someone special is nice. “Sometimes, I feel dizzy, Sometimes, I’m a mess, Sometimes, I feel stupid, Sometimes, I forget, Sometimes, I feel amazing, But never too often // Unless I’m with you, It could only be you, And when I’m with you, Nothing else will do, ‘Cause it could only be you”, most of us can relate to this song, and the stripped down, Cloud 9, Beach Boys arrangement is just really nice. Goodbye immediately jumps to the dissolution of a relationship. So we go from sweet, to a song that feels like riding off into the sunset and never looking back; “Come back and work it out with me, It’s plain to see, I need you, but do you need me?, Come back and work it out with me, I’m on my knees, I need you, but do you need me”. Just kinda vibing to the desert highway red sunset feeling the song gives off. Purple Sun okay so this was the second song I heard, and immediately loved it. Conjures up so many colors and vibes of 311 Amber, that I honestly decided to cover the album, purely because of this song. Lyrically it feels like she’s come to terms with just having fun with the other person even if the feelings aren’t deep anymore, but it’s just a song where you grab a Mojito, lay out and relax.

Afterglow is actually really perfectly titled. It has that nice moonlit after “the romance” vibe. And the lyrics seem to echo that where the narrator is willing to follow the lover into sun and hold them in the afterglow. The album does a really good job at applying similar concepts with enough of a different vibe to get things across. Break ups with venom, heartbreak, first loves, missed opportunities, unrequited love, all while staying in that Retro Synthwave genre comfortably. Lightning has a similar concept to the previous song, but this feels much more positive and less dreamy. “Cause you are the only thing I’ve ever gotten right, Nothing comes close, you’re the only one I’m letting inside, ‘Cause you are the only thing I’ve ever gotten right, Nothing comes close, you’re the only one I need in this life”, they are such simple lyrics but they work well. The song in general is also acoustic which I wasn’t expecting and was devoid of a lot of the synth effects, but that also makes it more vulnerable and sweet. So very well done on capturing the essence of the song instead of just trying to force it into a genre box.

What more can I say, that I didn’t already get across in the review? If you like the lofi chill vibe, synthwave or just generally that electro reggae-ish kinda groove, this is your jam. If you need more teeth or triplets or mid bar tempo changes into polyrhythmic syncopations…dude go away I covered Meshuggah months ago.

Legitimately though, it’s a cool album, it’s evocative, catchy and an easy listen at less than 40 minutes. You know, I’m just gonna be having fun…underneath the Purple Sun.

 

Final Judgment: 8.25/10


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Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu News Report! (8/14/22)

Fallout from Treasure Island 3!

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HPW News 2022

The landscape of HPW has been altered!

The gold was all over HPW Treasure Island 3, and we have some NEW champions to hear from! Will Arrow Club start the party already?

 

After the HPW Trios Championships match.

Ganondorf, Zant and Agahnim hobble into the back.

Zant and Agahnim are disappointed but Ganondorf is furious. He’s blaming Zant for that loss, since he tagged in and then got hit with the finish. But Zant angrily points out that they would’ve lost anyway because Ganondorf got hit with that big Grenade, too! Ganondorf gets angrier because Zant talked back but Agahnim tries to keep the team together. Zant and Ganondorf both tell Agahnim to shut up, and then Ganondorf pops Zant up to GANON BOMB him through the table! Ganondorf glares at Agahnim but he backs away and Ganondorf storms off. Is GZA already RIP in HPW?

Arrow Club walks backstage triumphantly.

Mack & Rick Quackson sing “Heeey~ we won the tiiitles! Heeey~ we won the tiiitles!” while dancing around a bit. Bad Croc Scaly holds up his belt with both hands like a banner, and Fin Balure greets them with applause. Fin congratulates them all on hitting their target. Arrow Club is golden, but there are still targets left to hit. The Ducks say that’s right, and then Rick asks who made the mess (broken table with Zant still down in the wreckage). Mack says, “I dunno, probably a bunch of losers.” Arrow Club shares a laugh then heads out, and we already know what their plan was to get those other titles.

 

After the Eventide Challenge.

Hilda hobbles in with Ravio’s help.

Her Grace doesn’t really lose with grace, she’s pouting and moping right now. Their plan with the golden balls was so good, why did it fail? Ravio tells her not to say that too loudly, but we all heard it. Hilda says their only way back now is the Hyrule Warriors match, but that’s such a hard match to win. Ravio says there is another title out there. Hilda thinks about that, and understands what he means.

Skull Kid storms in.

And he’s cussing up a storm from all the bleeps. He starts throwing water bottles, he kicks the table over, shakes the backdrop and lights, then headbutts a TV screen, cracking it! Skull Kid storms off, what will he do while in such a rage?

Hollywood ReDead and The UnderWorld Order walk in.

ReDead is holding up a bucket as he glares at the camera. “Ravio! You stupid little purple jackrabbit bastard! If I see even one ear of yours, I’m gonna rip it right off your head and shove it down your throat! You and your stupid balls got in the way!” Ted Beedle Ossi asks, “Wait, his balls?” “Yes, his golden balls that looked just like the prize! The NOID was violated, he should be fined!” Beedle agrees, they need to look into this, bring HPW Legal into it, and one way or another, Ravio will pay! Gomess also brings up that The Dark Forces are going to pay, but with blood, sweat and tears! uWo Gibdo nods, but how will HPW management look to handle all of this?

Cia and the Dark Forces walk in.

Just as the uWo were grumbling about them, the Dark Forces are grumbling about the uWo. “Those jerks thought they could void the NOID?” Cia says. “Guess not!” Wizzro tells the uWo to watch their backs, and Volga says they’re going to burn the UnderWorld Order down! Dark Forces Gibdo nods, will we see these factions collide in the ring again?

Groose walks in with Link.

The Skyfall Stud is singing Link’s praises, “OH~ Hero of Hy~rule! OH~ Hero of HyYYy~rule!” Groose then shifts to “LINK! LINK! LINK! LINK!” Link smiles a bit sheepishly as he and Groose get some water. Groose chugs, still in just his speedo. Groose lets out a loud satisfied sigh and then pats Link hard on the back. “Congrats on that huge win, buddy. That was a great match. And whoever wins this main event, you’re going right for ’em! If it’s Fin, you’ll have an awesome first-time match. You haven’t faced him before, right?” Link shakes his head no. And then there’s Link’s brother, Kage. If Kage wins, he and Link will have another 1v1 match. And…

Groose trails off, realizing that’s a bit of a sensitive subject. He coughs then drinks a bit more water. Link sighs, takes another sip himself, then heads off. Who was Link rooting for when watching the main event?

 

After the HPW Death Mountain Championship Open Challenge.

Tali and Shabonne storm in.

They’re both upset, and they keep saying, “Torbevito?!” with incredulous attitudes. Shabonne then asks while looking around, “How did that guppy get to the front of the line? There should’ve been wrestlers out the door wanting after The Dame of the Dunes! Or was everyone just too scared?” Tali asks, “Then what does that makes Torbevito? The bravest person in the world? Or just some crazy weirdo in a mask?” Shabonne can only say, “I don’t know, I don’t know.” But Shabonne does promise that if Torbevito got a second chance, then Tali will definitely get a rematch! Tali herself says, “Torbevito, you’re just a flavor of the month. And I’m gonna slap the taste out your damn mouth!”

Arrow Club returns again.

The Young Ducks sing a new version, “Heeey~ he won the tiiitles! Heeey~ he won the tiiitles!” as Torbevito walks in, victoriously holding up the Death Mountain Championship. Fin is there to welcome Torbevito to the club. Arrow Club grows stronger with another target taken down. Just one more to go tonight! Arrow Club strikes a group pose and heads out again so that Fin can prepare for the main event.

 

After the HPW Goddess Championship.

Veran walks in.

The Sorceress of Shadows is very thankful that HPW reached out to her a couple months ago. The Termina event and everything that built up to it was a great time, and the two matches with Zelda were incredible. She loves that pro-wrestling is helping the world come together in the spirit of competition. She hopes to see the fans out there again as the new chapter of her career continues. When and where will we see the former TCW Women’s Champion again?

Zelda walks in.

The Princess of Hyrule is a bit emotional as she walks in. She is honored to have faced Veran twice, but they are tied 1-1. If HPW wants to put it together, Zelda will gladly give Veran a tiebreaker third match. But then Hilda hobbles back in, Ravio still helping her walk. Hilda tells Zelda not to get ahead of herself. Zelda’s title reign may have lasted one year, seven months and 13 days, but it won’t last much longer. Ravio says, “Yeah! It’ll only last, uh, one year and 10 months!” Hilda tells Ravio to shut up, his math ruined her threat. But yes, Hilda wants her title shot at the next major HPW PPV. It doesn’t matter where or what day of the week, Hilda wants next!

Zelda says fine, they can take this to management and sort it out. “But considering I just took on a living legend, there’s no way someone who cheated their way to the Triforce Tournament Finals is going to take this title from me.” Zelda then pushes past Hilda and Hilda scowls. Will we see this match for Clash of Fates?

 

After the HPW Triforce & Termina Championships main event.

Arrow Club walks in again…

Bad Croc Scaly is propping up a barely conscious Fin with one arm while the Ducks protest. They can’t believe Kage drove Fin’s head into the belt! Completely uncalled for! A reporter points out that they introduced the belts as weapons into the situation. Mack says, “Yeah, well, that doesn’t excuse Kage using them!” Rick adds, “And what the heck did Link come out for? I thought he hated his brother.” Mack says no, Kage hates Link, but that should’ve also been a reason for him to not come out. Torbevito says it’s fine, they’re still a golden Arrow Club! Fin is still Termina Champion! He’ll just wait until he gets another chance! “Right, Fin?”

Fin doesn’t so much speak as he does gurgle and groan. The rest go, “Uh… Yeah!” Rick says, “He’s gonna kick the ass of whoever’s Triforce Champion! Just you wait and see!” Arrow Club heads out once more, but will the Zora Rock ‘n’ Rolla really get another chance to become a double champion? Or will he just have to worry about defending the title he still has?

Kage tells Link to get out of his way.

The Hero’s Shadow is still HPW Triforce Champion after the fiasco caused by Arrow Club, but he’s not happy to have retained like that. “Zora Rock ‘n’ Rolla, you coward. You weren’t going to beat me anyway, so I guess the joke’s on you! Hope it was worth having that belt’s faceplate permanently stamped on your forehead!” Kage then turns his attention back to his brother, Link. “And for you,” Kage says. “Mr. Eventide, huh? Can’t just stay away from the spotlight, huh? I’m going to make you regret it. Last year, you survived. This year, you won’t!” Kage then pushes past Link to take his leave.

The HPW reporter asks Link how he feels knowing that he will face off against Kage 1v1 one year later, just as Kage said. Link looks down at the ground, sighs, runs his hands through his hair, then walks off without a word. What will happen as the Hero of Hyrule and his blood brother clash once more?


My Thoughts:

What great developments here! GZA is the shortest lived faction in HPW history, as they ended up transitional champions just to check the Trios titles off in Ganondorf’s resumé, and Hilda is shifting gears from Triforce to Goddess Championship. The Arrow Club is errywhere, except the Women’s Division, so maybe someone joins them in the near future…? And there’s of course heat between Kage and Link, which will only get more intense as we approach that match. There’s big plans there for sure. And there is going to be an article coming up to explain what Dark Horse Stampede is about, so make sure to follow The Chairshot for that.


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