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Andrew’s Judgmental Album Reviews: Sonja – Loud Arriver (2022)

Gothic Hair Metal crawls into the JAR this week! Sonja’s full-length debut! How does it fair?



So while I don’t have a large metal act to throw into the JAR this week; this popped up often this month as an album that had people’s interest. I tried not to spoil myself, so I just listened to a snippet and I was intrigued. An interesting combination of Gothic Rock and 80s Hair Metal seem to be the formula for this band.

Now the current iteration of this band is born out of bigotry in a way. Melissa Moore (the lead vocalist and guitarist), was in Absu, came out to her bandmates as transgendered and they fired her. So she returned to Philly to resurrect an old side project she started in 2014. So after closed mindedness, anger and a pandemic; we finally get the full length debut of Sonja. Let’s how they fuse some of the darker gothic elements with the bombastic hair metal ways.

Sonja is: Melissa Moore (Guitars & Vocals), Ben Brand (Bass & Keyboards), Gresiek Czapla (Drums & Percussion)

  • Artist: Sonja
  • Album: Loud Arriver (2022)
  • Label: Cruz del Sur Music
  • Total Track Time: 37:57

When the Candle Burns Low… starts off with some echoed vocals and a gentle guitar strum. Reminiscent a bit of Aerials from System of a Down. When the rhythm section kicks in, they’ve got a bit of an Iron Maiden gallop, but the echoed vocals remind me of old Candlemass. Even though the lyrics are fantasy draped with witches and flight, the “I’ll Never Die” feels like it’s probably directed towards the unceremonious exit from her former band. I do really enjoy the mix of musical flavors in this song. It’s a very good opener to at least whet the appetite to see what else is to come. Nylon Nights well if you couldn’t tell from the title, this starts off like the most 80s song ever. We can all infer the title is very much on the slinkier/risqué side of night time. Most likely a little diddy about being a Hooker, but I do really like the last few lines of the chorus; “Prowl in the night, Danger and desire keep me alive, Oh there’s nothing inside, nothing inside at all”Pink Fog is an interesting little shift. The way Melissa’s cadence adjusts through the song, gives me very big The Birthday Massacre vibes. It has the 80s Dokken rhythm to the drums and really does a interesting job at keeping everything in a similar vein, but bringing out the chase/surrounded feeling of the song.

Wanting Me Dead is one of those songs where I’m not going to comment much on the lyrics, because I can’t relate to them; but I understand what they’re getting across. “Priest and preacher wanting me dead, In the congregation’s head, Got the doctor wanting me dead, The prescription that I get, Mother and father wanting me dead, Like brother and sister said, Even the mirror wanting me dead, My reflection burning red”. Musically it is very basic hard rock, it has a few elements that remind me of Helloween and a touch of Bon Jovi, but generally it’s more of a hard rock song with an important feeling to express. Fuck, Then Die I’m pretty sure this was the premise for one of the dorks in Grease 2 who was trying to hookup with his girl. But honestly, I enjoy irreverent concept of if we’re gonna die, might as well fuck until Armageddon. ” I just wanna fuck all day and all night, Anything else is a waste of our time, Gonna make sure you’re feelin’ alright, We’ll be dead tomorrow” – the point is clear. However, critically, this is their weakest song so far. The instrumentation doesn’t steer into either impending doom or “fuck the fear away”, its just a bit on the generic side.

Daughter of the Morning Star returns to the rhythm guitar and bass have that Iron Maiden style gallop again, but when we get to the chorus it’s a bit too open and anthemic. It really sounds more like a Blind Guardian B-side than the goth/hair metal they’ve done so far. Also I was really hoping for a play on Morning Star with a Lucifer reference, instead of like…a fading sun or whatever the fantastical lyrics are exactly about. So this is better than the last song, but still a noticeable step down from the first half of the album so far. Moans From the Chapel exactly the song all WWE fans wanted! The reverse Katie Vick! “Tonight she arrived, To where his body lied, For one last time, In his casket opened wide, Climbed inside, It was so cold between her thighs, She rides him tightly, And her moans from the chapel heard tonight” – in all seriousness, this song starts off great. Its faster tempo, the echoed vocals work well for being inside a chapel, and the darker imagery is very metal and cool. They finally are starting to give 80s Hair Metal vibes cleanly again, like Cinderella defiling a corpse. Good stuff here. Loud Arriver I get huge Judas Priest vibes off this song. Hell I also get Ninja Sex Party vibes because the first verse is corny as hell, but fits the 80s metal motif. Small issue really just being the rhyme scheme and general flow of the chorus, while not awful; it feels extremely forced when trying to punctuate the “Loud Arriver” part. Oh I do like the little Spanish guitar break down toward the end of the song though.

Now I’ll admit it really bogged down in the middle. But we’re looking at the full-length debut and a fairly unique mixture of musical elements. It’s not often when I can reference Candlemass, Ninja Sex Party and Dokken for a band. Some of the biggest issues with different songs was not committing fully to a sound. If its supposed to be raunchy, go fast and dirty, if it’s supposed to be looming; that’s when Black Metal influences will shine.

All in all, it’s a good first album. Even the songs I was disappointed were just generic and not like musical homicide. So there’s a lot of potential, hopefully bigotry and already large political games in the music scene don’t cause this band any unnecessary issues.


Final Judgment: 6.85/10

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Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu News Report! (12/1/22)

Get ready for New Year’s Eve!



HPW News 2022

The Celebration of Greatness is set!

With Fyter Feast sorting things out, we’re ready now for HyruleMania 3! Get ready for the who, what, where and when of the Celebration of Greatness!


HyruleMania 3: December 31st, 2022!

As is the tradition, this incredible event will close out the year on New Year’s Eve! And it’ll be in the Hyrule Great Forest, right in front of the Great Deku Tree!


Look at all the title matches!

For the HPW Death Mountain Championship:

Torbevito prepares to defend against FOUR opponents in the third-ever Death Mountain Championship Ladder Match! The Son of the Whirlpool will have a Desert Flower, the Twilight Princess, the Living Blade, and the God of Woodfall. Two years in a row, a new champion has been crowned through this match. Will history repeat itself? Or will Torbevito find a way to break the streak and survive into the new year?

For the HPW Trios Championships:

After making it through the massive Three By Four match, it will be the Dames of the Dunes taking on the Arrow Club’s Bad Croc Scaly & The Young Ducks! Tali, Buliara & Riju want revenge for the All or Nothing Quartet match, but the Arrow Club says if they beat ’em once, they can beat ’em again! Will the Celebration of Greatness become a #SuperQUACKParty? Or will the Gerudo Alliance bring home gold?

For the HPW Termina Championship:

The Arrow Club took a lot from the Gerudo Ace, but he looks to take something back from them. Ganondorf may not be all that humble, but he looks to humble Fin Balure while becoming HPW’s first Triple Crown Champion! Will history be made to close out the year?

For the HPW Goddess Championship:

It is an epic tiebreaker between Princess of Hyrule and Sorceress of Shadows! Veran is the only person to have pinned Zelda in the almost two YEARS she’s been champion, but then lost in the rematch. Now we have the trilogy aligning with the Celebration of Greatness, where we will see who is truly the greatest in the Women’s Division! Will Zelda continue this reign of dominance? Or will Veran return to her former glory?

And of course, for the HPW Triforce Championship:

The Hero’s Shadow shed blood, sweat and tears, and even drew blood from his brother, Link, to keep this title. He has proven ruthless in the ring, but he might be facing the only person who can match him. Igos du Ikana is cold and heartless, and not just because he’s a skeleton. He has held the TCW Championship, the predecessor of the Termina Champion, which Igos helped introduce to HPW. Now he aims for Kage’s throne. Fiery rage colliding with cold-blooded calculation, something has to give.


G͘̕͢҉U͝E̸̡̢S͏͘S͢ ̵̴͘͡W͜H̡҉͏Ó̀

Guess Who, part 1

I̶’̷d̵͡ ̢̀I̷̢̧’͜͢͢d̸́ I’d say your c҉h̷͜͞a͝҉͟  chances ą͡r̵͟͜e͏̵̨̛͢ are a million to none!
But let’s have f̢͠u̢͟ņ f̢͘u͘҉n̵ fun anyway!

HyruleProWrestlingFaction FacesofEvilGIF


But wait, there’s more!

Humpback Hook Halibut releases a statement.

“After the brawling that persist after Fyter Feast’s main event, there is a lot of tension in the men’s locker room that we cannot allow to continue. Firstly, the issue of the Dark Forces and the UnderWorld Order. It is clear all of the faction members being present is a recipe for disaster, so we must limit this to a one-on-one match. This will be Gibdo VS Gibdo to name the one and only Gibdo in HPW! There will be a ringside ban on all other members between the Dark Forces and uWo, or else there will be indefinite suspensions. This is your only warning.

“As for the other brawl between Groose and Skull Kid… That shall be handled in its own way. There will still be a ringside ban, and this will apply to Tingle and Ladrona as Groose’s tag partners. But more than a ringside ban, this will be settled with something very special for HyruleMania: Hair VS Mask! If Groose loses, his pointy red pompadour will be buzzed off his head. But if Skull Kid loses, he must stop wearing that strange, heart-shaped mask. There will be no count outs and no disqualifications, there must be a winner inside that ring! And I wish them both the best of luck.”

HUGE grudge matches made for the Celebration of Greatness! Who will be the Gibdo of All Gibdos? Will Groose end up a bald eagle? Or will Skull Kid be forced to show his face?

My Thoughts:

I may be wasting a lot of good match intro ideas with this article, but as I needed to announce the grudge matches that are going to fill out the card, I figured I should also hype up the established matches. And if you’re wondering about that “Guess Who/Face your FOE” thing, just wait and see. And yes maybe it is a bit Bray Wyatt White Rabbit but whatever, I’ve already copied a lot of other stuff from wrestling in the real world.

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New Force Order – A Star Wars Podcast: Rip Don Winkle

Is Yoda legitimately dyslexic? That and many more hard hitting questions answered on this edition of New Force Order!



New Force Order Episode 170

Is Yoda legitimately dyslexic? That and many more hard hitting questions answered on this edition of New Force Order!

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Spiro went back to Exegol so it’s just a drunk Doc and a sleepy GGP tonight. We go in depth to break down the Disney+ Tales of the Jedi series. The acolyte begins filming and KK has a ball gag shoved into her mouth about announcing new films. Is Lost writer Damon Lindelof headed to Star Wars? Is Yoda legitimately dyslexic? Filoni compares the new Ashoka series to a classic Japanese movie. On who’s more over it’s a master/apprentice battle! Count Dooku and Qui Gon Jinn vs Darth Maul and Darth Sidious. Which duo is more over and why!?

All this and more on this weeks NFO episode! As usual email us at

About the New Force Order

A Star Wars Podcast by the fans and for the fans. GGP, Doc and Spiro deliver a in-depth weekly news and review show on all stars wars related content.

About the Chairshot Radio Network

Launched in 2017, the Chairshot Radio Network presents you with the best in sports, entertainment, and sports entertainment. Wrestling and wrestling crossover podcasts + the most interesting content + the most engaging hosts = the most entertaining podcasts you’ll find!

Featuring shows such as Bandwagon Nerds (entertainment & popular culture), The DWI Podcast (Drunk Wrestling Intellect), The Greg DeMarco Show (wrestling), The #Miranda Show (wrestling and entertainment), Chairshot Radio Hockey Talk, Patrick O’Dowd’s Chairshot Radio 5×5 (pop culture), PC Tunney’s Chairshot Bets (Sports), Down The Wire (Sports), Lucha Central Weekly (wrestling & lucha libre), Talk The Keki (Anime), The Mindless Wrestling Podcast, and more!

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New Force Order Episode 170

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