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Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu News Report! (9/19/22)

Fallout from the Dark Horse Stampede!

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HPW News 2022

Welcome to the winner’s circle!

Ten ran the race but only five reached the goal! HPW Dark Horse Stampede has paved the way to Clash of Fates, hear from the future of wrestling!

 

Teba walks in.

“Oh, right, I forgot you guys do this kind of stuff.” Teba walks up to the cameraman. “Well, uh, I won fair and square, but Wyler was a sore loser. I put him in his place after, and now I’m moving on. That Hyrule Warriors match is a great opportunity, and also just a great concept to really test your resolve. I’m really looking forward to this, and I hope to see you all there.” Will the White Winged Warrior be THE Hyrule Warrior going into this year’s HyruleMania?

 

Ladrona walks in.

She waves hello and walks over. “Did you like what you saw? Yeah? Good stuff, huh? I think I got a bit lucky there at the end, but y’know, sometimes luck’s all you need. Heck, a lot of the Hyrule Warriors match is luck, y’know? You get sent out early, you really gotta fight through to make it to the end. But you get sent out late, you’re fresh and able to get at those who’ve been fighting for like half an hour or something. So wish me luck.” Ladrona winks and heads out. The Thief Girl’s charms have gotten her this far, will she make it to the end of the Hyrule Warriors match?

 

Ralph walks in.

The Lad from Labrynna is fired up after his win. “That’s how it’s done! I didn’t need to dance around and start some silly chant. I did what pro-wrestlers do, and that’s wrestle. And that is why Donny the entertainer lost! The Hyrule Warriors match is going to be full of fighters and wrestlers, and I’ll take them all on if I have to. I’m not just aiming for the top spot, I’m going to take the top spot, and I’m going to go to HyruleMania 3 and the Triforce Championship. Put money on it!” Ralph’s incredibly confident, but will he win it all betting on himself?

 

Donny B. Kool stops by?

This is quite the surprise, as none of the other losers wanted to stick around. “Hey guys, I know things didn’t go my way, but that’s the game we play. Ralph won fair and square, but your boy Donny’s not going anywhere. Who knows where, who knows when, but you will see me again. Alright, y’all, be cool to each other now.” Donny heads out, but what will the future hold for the Original Geru?

 

Odolwa walks in.

Odolwa beats his chest and growls as he flexes. “I am Odolwa, God of Woodfall… I demand tribute in the form of competition! And I shall find satisfaction in the Hyrule Warriors match! All 32 other fighters shall fall before me! And then, so will the Triforce Champion! WHOA-SHAA!” Odolwa leaves after shouting his war cry, will he sharpen his edge against the best HPW has to offer?

 

Byrne Lokomo and Chancellor Cole walk in.

The miniature manager leads the way, applauding and motioning towards his victorious client. “Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce myself. I am Chancellor Cole, and this is not just the Man with the Iron Claw, this is not just the man who won the main event of the first-ever Dark Horse Stampede. This is the man who will win the main event of Clash of Fates, then win the main event of HyruleMania, Byrne Lokomo. Armos Knight is big, Armos Knight is strong, and Armos Knight is tough. But if not even the big, strong and resilient Living Statue could stop Byrne, then nothing, and I mean nothing, will stop him from taking the HPW Triforce Championship.”

Byrne flexes his iron claw and says, “A train is hard to stop once it’s built momentum. I have momentum now, and I’m only going to pick up speed. Nothing will derail me from the track I’m on. So either get out of the way or get run through.” Byrne heads out and Cole follows, will this be a nonstop trip to the top of HPW?


My Thoughts:

It only felt fair to get some “fallout” promos from our Dark Horses, since we get these same kind of promos after big events with the big names. And I decided to include Donny because he’s just a really fun character. I really do want to find a spot for him in HPW, but we’ll just have to wait and see how things shake out in our homestretch (Clash of Fates, Fyter Feast and HyruleMania).


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Entertainment

Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu News Report! (12/1/22)

Get ready for New Year’s Eve!

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HPW News 2022

The Celebration of Greatness is set!

With Fyter Feast sorting things out, we’re ready now for HyruleMania 3! Get ready for the who, what, where and when of the Celebration of Greatness!

 

HyruleMania 3: December 31st, 2022!

As is the tradition, this incredible event will close out the year on New Year’s Eve! And it’ll be in the Hyrule Great Forest, right in front of the Great Deku Tree!

 

Look at all the title matches!

For the HPW Death Mountain Championship:

Torbevito prepares to defend against FOUR opponents in the third-ever Death Mountain Championship Ladder Match! The Son of the Whirlpool will have a Desert Flower, the Twilight Princess, the Living Blade, and the God of Woodfall. Two years in a row, a new champion has been crowned through this match. Will history repeat itself? Or will Torbevito find a way to break the streak and survive into the new year?

For the HPW Trios Championships:

After making it through the massive Three By Four match, it will be the Dames of the Dunes taking on the Arrow Club’s Bad Croc Scaly & The Young Ducks! Tali, Buliara & Riju want revenge for the All or Nothing Quartet match, but the Arrow Club says if they beat ’em once, they can beat ’em again! Will the Celebration of Greatness become a #SuperQUACKParty? Or will the Gerudo Alliance bring home gold?

For the HPW Termina Championship:

The Arrow Club took a lot from the Gerudo Ace, but he looks to take something back from them. Ganondorf may not be all that humble, but he looks to humble Fin Balure while becoming HPW’s first Triple Crown Champion! Will history be made to close out the year?

For the HPW Goddess Championship:

It is an epic tiebreaker between Princess of Hyrule and Sorceress of Shadows! Veran is the only person to have pinned Zelda in the almost two YEARS she’s been champion, but then lost in the rematch. Now we have the trilogy aligning with the Celebration of Greatness, where we will see who is truly the greatest in the Women’s Division! Will Zelda continue this reign of dominance? Or will Veran return to her former glory?

And of course, for the HPW Triforce Championship:

The Hero’s Shadow shed blood, sweat and tears, and even drew blood from his brother, Link, to keep this title. He has proven ruthless in the ring, but he might be facing the only person who can match him. Igos du Ikana is cold and heartless, and not just because he’s a skeleton. He has held the TCW Championship, the predecessor of the Termina Champion, which Igos helped introduce to HPW. Now he aims for Kage’s throne. Fiery rage colliding with cold-blooded calculation, something has to give.

 

G͘̕͢҉U͝E̸̡̢S͏͘S͢ ̵̴͘͡W͜H̡҉͏Ó̀

Guess Who, part 1

I̶’̷d̵͡ ̢̀I̷̢̧’͜͢͢d̸́ I’d say your c҉h̷͜͞a͝҉͟  chances ą͡r̵͟͜e͏̵̨̛͢ are a million to none!
But let’s have f̢͠u̢͟ņ f̢͘u͘҉n̵ fun anyway!

HyruleProWrestlingFaction FacesofEvilGIF

 

But wait, there’s more!

Humpback Hook Halibut releases a statement.

“After the brawling that persist after Fyter Feast’s main event, there is a lot of tension in the men’s locker room that we cannot allow to continue. Firstly, the issue of the Dark Forces and the UnderWorld Order. It is clear all of the faction members being present is a recipe for disaster, so we must limit this to a one-on-one match. This will be Gibdo VS Gibdo to name the one and only Gibdo in HPW! There will be a ringside ban on all other members between the Dark Forces and uWo, or else there will be indefinite suspensions. This is your only warning.

“As for the other brawl between Groose and Skull Kid… That shall be handled in its own way. There will still be a ringside ban, and this will apply to Tingle and Ladrona as Groose’s tag partners. But more than a ringside ban, this will be settled with something very special for HyruleMania: Hair VS Mask! If Groose loses, his pointy red pompadour will be buzzed off his head. But if Skull Kid loses, he must stop wearing that strange, heart-shaped mask. There will be no count outs and no disqualifications, there must be a winner inside that ring! And I wish them both the best of luck.”

HUGE grudge matches made for the Celebration of Greatness! Who will be the Gibdo of All Gibdos? Will Groose end up a bald eagle? Or will Skull Kid be forced to show his face?


My Thoughts:

I may be wasting a lot of good match intro ideas with this article, but as I needed to announce the grudge matches that are going to fill out the card, I figured I should also hype up the established matches. And if you’re wondering about that “Guess Who/Face your FOE” thing, just wait and see. And yes maybe it is a bit Bray Wyatt White Rabbit but whatever, I’ve already copied a lot of other stuff from wrestling in the real world.


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New Force Order – A Star Wars Podcast: Rip Don Winkle

Is Yoda legitimately dyslexic? That and many more hard hitting questions answered on this edition of New Force Order!

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New Force Order Episode 170

Is Yoda legitimately dyslexic? That and many more hard hitting questions answered on this edition of New Force Order!

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Spiro went back to Exegol so it’s just a drunk Doc and a sleepy GGP tonight. We go in depth to break down the Disney+ Tales of the Jedi series. The acolyte begins filming and KK has a ball gag shoved into her mouth about announcing new films. Is Lost writer Damon Lindelof headed to Star Wars? Is Yoda legitimately dyslexic? Filoni compares the new Ashoka series to a classic Japanese movie. On who’s more over it’s a master/apprentice battle! Count Dooku and Qui Gon Jinn vs Darth Maul and Darth Sidious. Which duo is more over and why!?

All this and more on this weeks NFO episode! As usual email us at newforceorder@yahoo.com.

About the New Force Order

A Star Wars Podcast by the fans and for the fans. GGP, Doc and Spiro deliver a in-depth weekly news and review show on all stars wars related content.

About the Chairshot Radio Network

Launched in 2017, the Chairshot Radio Network presents you with the best in sports, entertainment, and sports entertainment. Wrestling and wrestling crossover podcasts + the most interesting content + the most engaging hosts = the most entertaining podcasts you’ll find!

Featuring shows such as Bandwagon Nerds (entertainment & popular culture), The DWI Podcast (Drunk Wrestling Intellect), The Greg DeMarco Show (wrestling), The #Miranda Show (wrestling and entertainment), Chairshot Radio Hockey Talk, Patrick O’Dowd’s Chairshot Radio 5×5 (pop culture), PC Tunney’s Chairshot Bets (Sports), Down The Wire (Sports), Lucha Central Weekly (wrestling & lucha libre), Talk The Keki (Anime), The Mindless Wrestling Podcast, and more!


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New Force Order Episode 170


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