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Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu News Report! (9/24/22)

Prepare for the Clash of Fates!

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HPW News 2022

The Hyrule Coliseum will be shining with gold!

HPW returns to the Hyrule Coliseum, and the champions are under siege! Will Arrow Club regret collecting so many belts?

 

Zelda and Hilda prepare for their showdown!

Set to Heart Piece’s on Fire, Her Grace is sparring with Ravio, pumping weights and running on a treadmill. But the Princess of Hyrule is out in nature, going as hard at jump rope as she can. She also does sit-ups while hanging from a tree branch, Impa holding her in place. Zelda chops wood and lifts rocks, Hilda uses a resistance machine for her ab crunches and they both run the ropes in rings. Zelda does intense leg lifting, ab testing core exercises while Hilda tests the strength of her kick! 1850! 1995! 2045! 2150!! Zelda drop steps on the dirt road while Hilda practices handsprings on a gymnastics floor.

Zelda jogs the snowy roads of Hebra while being chased by Impa on horseback, and Hilda has Ravio forge her a secret weapon. They both are seen running uphill, but Hilda is on a smooth ramp while Zelda is on a rocky mountain path in the Eldin region! Zelda reaches the summit and shouts, “HILDAAAA~!!” The determination echoes out, but whose spirit will be truly unbreakable in this showdown of goddesses?

 

SA’OTEN!

The Desert Flowers, Riju, Aveil & Buliara, arrive at the Kara Kara Bazaar oasis and make their way to the Kara Kara Inn. Waiting inside are Tali & Shabonne. “Vasaaq, ladies,” Shabonne greets. “Come, have a seat.” “Sarqso,” Riju says. The Desert Flowers sit on the pillow seats across from Shabonne & Tali at their short-legged round table. Do they want something to eat? No, thank you. Okay, what about to drink? No, no, it’s fine. They just want to get to the business Shabonne mentioned in her call. Right, of course. Shabonne called them here to talk about a common enemy: The Arrow Club.

Buliara asks how Arrow Club is a common enemy. Well, the Desert Flowers lost their HPW Trios Championships at ThunderStruck, and then Arrow Club swoops in to take those titles off Ganondorf and his team. Then, they recruit “that little guppy” to cheat the HPW Death Mountain Championship off Tali. Therefore, the five of them have a reason to target the Arrow Club. The five of them? Is Shabonne going to fight, too? Hey now, they’re all Gerudo sisters. When they win, she wins! Alright, sure. But then how does she suggest they go about this? Is this to create a faction? Not necessarily. But Shabonne is thinking of a team-up.

And so, a video was posted.

“Yo, Arrow Club!” Shabonne starts. “You voes think you’re hot stuff just because you grabbed up gold. As far as I am concerned, Torbevito stole the Death Mountain Championship from Tali and do not deserve to have the title after failing all those times before!” Riju steps in to say, “And as for the Trios Championships, the Desert Flowers deserve a chance at redemption. Ganondorf’s team won those belts in a Triple Threat, pinning Forged By Violence. We should’ve gotten a rematch, but we’ll settle for turning Bad Croc Scaly and the Young Ducks into the new shortest reigning champions in HPW history.”

“But we know we can’t just say we’re the challengers,” Shabonne says. “So here’s the deal. At Clash of Fates 3, HPW makes history with its first QUARTET MATCH! Four on four to settle the score, and WINNERS TAKE ALL! If Tali and the Desert Flowers win, the titles return to where they belong! But because we have to be fair and give you fools a reason to accept the challenge, if Tali and the Desert Flowers lose, they will never challenge you all for those titles again. So what do you say? Or should I say, what does Fin say? After all, he is your daddy.” Shabonne is throwing down insults at the same time as she throws down the gauntlet, will Arrow Club accept such a huge gamble?

 

Midna is fuming!

“GHIRAHIM!” she shouts on a Twitter video. “GHIRAHIM! Stop ducking me, you argyle patterned snake! You may still have the last Fused Shadow, but that means I beat you twice already! And I know, that as much as you want to keep me down, that as much as you want to make me look like a fool, you’re the fool because you can’t even beat a three-foot imp! So unless you want to be a fool, a loser, and a coward, you WILL face me at Clash of Fates! And just so there are no excuses, let’s make it… NO HOLDS BARRED!”

Ghirahim responds!

“OoOoOoOo, I’m so scared~!” He mocks Midna with spooky fingers and an exaggerated, puckered up face. “But if you want the humiliation so badly, why stop at No Holds Barred? Let’s really raise the stakes! Let’s really go nuts at Clash of Fates! Let’s go all the way to… an I QUIT MATCH!! And that means, if- No, WHEN I win, you must give up on EVER getting the last piece back! You’ll be stuck as an imp FOREVER!” The Living Blade laughs, but will he be the one saying those dreaded words to the Twilight Princess?


My Thoughts:

Clash of Fates 3 is going to be huge with all this! I thought about making the 4v4 match a #1 contenders match but then that’d push the title matches back to either Fyter Fest or HyruleMania 3. Going Winners Take All now speeds things up and puts plenty of drama on the event. And I meant to do more with Midna and Ghirahim sooner but I just kinda lost track of their story with everything else going on. But this I Quit match will be their blow-off, and then they’ll each worry about something else for HyruleMania.


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Entertainment

Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu News Report! (12/1/22)

Get ready for New Year’s Eve!

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HPW News 2022

The Celebration of Greatness is set!

With Fyter Feast sorting things out, we’re ready now for HyruleMania 3! Get ready for the who, what, where and when of the Celebration of Greatness!

 

HyruleMania 3: December 31st, 2022!

As is the tradition, this incredible event will close out the year on New Year’s Eve! And it’ll be in the Hyrule Great Forest, right in front of the Great Deku Tree!

 

Look at all the title matches!

For the HPW Death Mountain Championship:

Torbevito prepares to defend against FOUR opponents in the third-ever Death Mountain Championship Ladder Match! The Son of the Whirlpool will have a Desert Flower, the Twilight Princess, the Living Blade, and the God of Woodfall. Two years in a row, a new champion has been crowned through this match. Will history repeat itself? Or will Torbevito find a way to break the streak and survive into the new year?

For the HPW Trios Championships:

After making it through the massive Three By Four match, it will be the Dames of the Dunes taking on the Arrow Club’s Bad Croc Scaly & The Young Ducks! Tali, Buliara & Riju want revenge for the All or Nothing Quartet match, but the Arrow Club says if they beat ’em once, they can beat ’em again! Will the Celebration of Greatness become a #SuperQUACKParty? Or will the Gerudo Alliance bring home gold?

For the HPW Termina Championship:

The Arrow Club took a lot from the Gerudo Ace, but he looks to take something back from them. Ganondorf may not be all that humble, but he looks to humble Fin Balure while becoming HPW’s first Triple Crown Champion! Will history be made to close out the year?

For the HPW Goddess Championship:

It is an epic tiebreaker between Princess of Hyrule and Sorceress of Shadows! Veran is the only person to have pinned Zelda in the almost two YEARS she’s been champion, but then lost in the rematch. Now we have the trilogy aligning with the Celebration of Greatness, where we will see who is truly the greatest in the Women’s Division! Will Zelda continue this reign of dominance? Or will Veran return to her former glory?

And of course, for the HPW Triforce Championship:

The Hero’s Shadow shed blood, sweat and tears, and even drew blood from his brother, Link, to keep this title. He has proven ruthless in the ring, but he might be facing the only person who can match him. Igos du Ikana is cold and heartless, and not just because he’s a skeleton. He has held the TCW Championship, the predecessor of the Termina Champion, which Igos helped introduce to HPW. Now he aims for Kage’s throne. Fiery rage colliding with cold-blooded calculation, something has to give.

 

G͘̕͢҉U͝E̸̡̢S͏͘S͢ ̵̴͘͡W͜H̡҉͏Ó̀

Guess Who, part 1

I̶’̷d̵͡ ̢̀I̷̢̧’͜͢͢d̸́ I’d say your c҉h̷͜͞a͝҉͟  chances ą͡r̵͟͜e͏̵̨̛͢ are a million to none!
But let’s have f̢͠u̢͟ņ f̢͘u͘҉n̵ fun anyway!

HyruleProWrestlingFaction FacesofEvilGIF

 

But wait, there’s more!

Humpback Hook Halibut releases a statement.

“After the brawling that persist after Fyter Feast’s main event, there is a lot of tension in the men’s locker room that we cannot allow to continue. Firstly, the issue of the Dark Forces and the UnderWorld Order. It is clear all of the faction members being present is a recipe for disaster, so we must limit this to a one-on-one match. This will be Gibdo VS Gibdo to name the one and only Gibdo in HPW! There will be a ringside ban on all other members between the Dark Forces and uWo, or else there will be indefinite suspensions. This is your only warning.

“As for the other brawl between Groose and Skull Kid… That shall be handled in its own way. There will still be a ringside ban, and this will apply to Tingle and Ladrona as Groose’s tag partners. But more than a ringside ban, this will be settled with something very special for HyruleMania: Hair VS Mask! If Groose loses, his pointy red pompadour will be buzzed off his head. But if Skull Kid loses, he must stop wearing that strange, heart-shaped mask. There will be no count outs and no disqualifications, there must be a winner inside that ring! And I wish them both the best of luck.”

HUGE grudge matches made for the Celebration of Greatness! Who will be the Gibdo of All Gibdos? Will Groose end up a bald eagle? Or will Skull Kid be forced to show his face?


My Thoughts:

I may be wasting a lot of good match intro ideas with this article, but as I needed to announce the grudge matches that are going to fill out the card, I figured I should also hype up the established matches. And if you’re wondering about that “Guess Who/Face your FOE” thing, just wait and see. And yes maybe it is a bit Bray Wyatt White Rabbit but whatever, I’ve already copied a lot of other stuff from wrestling in the real world.


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New Force Order – A Star Wars Podcast: Rip Don Winkle

Is Yoda legitimately dyslexic? That and many more hard hitting questions answered on this edition of New Force Order!

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New Force Order Episode 170

Is Yoda legitimately dyslexic? That and many more hard hitting questions answered on this edition of New Force Order!

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Spiro went back to Exegol so it’s just a drunk Doc and a sleepy GGP tonight. We go in depth to break down the Disney+ Tales of the Jedi series. The acolyte begins filming and KK has a ball gag shoved into her mouth about announcing new films. Is Lost writer Damon Lindelof headed to Star Wars? Is Yoda legitimately dyslexic? Filoni compares the new Ashoka series to a classic Japanese movie. On who’s more over it’s a master/apprentice battle! Count Dooku and Qui Gon Jinn vs Darth Maul and Darth Sidious. Which duo is more over and why!?

All this and more on this weeks NFO episode! As usual email us at newforceorder@yahoo.com.

About the New Force Order

A Star Wars Podcast by the fans and for the fans. GGP, Doc and Spiro deliver a in-depth weekly news and review show on all stars wars related content.

About the Chairshot Radio Network

Launched in 2017, the Chairshot Radio Network presents you with the best in sports, entertainment, and sports entertainment. Wrestling and wrestling crossover podcasts + the most interesting content + the most engaging hosts = the most entertaining podcasts you’ll find!

Featuring shows such as Bandwagon Nerds (entertainment & popular culture), The DWI Podcast (Drunk Wrestling Intellect), The Greg DeMarco Show (wrestling), The #Miranda Show (wrestling and entertainment), Chairshot Radio Hockey Talk, Patrick O’Dowd’s Chairshot Radio 5×5 (pop culture), PC Tunney’s Chairshot Bets (Sports), Down The Wire (Sports), Lucha Central Weekly (wrestling & lucha libre), Talk The Keki (Anime), The Mindless Wrestling Podcast, and more!


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New Force Order Episode 170


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