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Mitchell’s WWE Raw Results & Report! (1/23/23)

Raw turns 30!

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This could be the biggest Raw of all time!

For THIRTY YEARS, through highs and lows, Monday Night Raw has led the WWE! Now we see who leads Raw into the NEXT thirty years!

OFFICIAL RESULTS

  • Raw Tag Team Championships: The Usos VS The Judgment Day; The Usos and Sami Zayn win and retain the titles.
  • Steel Cage Match: Bayley VS Becky Lynch; No Contest.
  • Six Man Tag: Seth Rollins & The Street Profits VS Imperium; Rollins & The Profits win.
  • Bianca Belair VS Sonya Deville; Bianca wins.
  • WWE United States Championship No Disqualifications: Austin Theory VS Bobby Lashley; Theory wins and retains the title.

PLAY BY PLAY

Hulk Hogan is here!

And so is Jimmy Hart! The Mouth of the South and the TWO-TIME WWE Hall of Famer Immortal Hulkamania are on stage with mics, to say, “What’s up Philadelphia Hulkamaniacs? Well let me tell you something, WWE Universe! A long time ago, when Hulkamania was running wild, a little TV show started, called Monday Night Raw. And week after week, it got bigger, and week after week, it got better, just like me! Yes, sir, guys. And tonight, we celebrate thirty YEARS of Monday Night Raw! We celebrate thirty years then, we celebrate thirty years now, and we celebrate thirty years forever, together!”

Hulk asks, “Whatcha gonna do when Hulkamania, thirty years of Monday Night Raw, and those Philadelphia Eagles run wild on you?!” Fans fire up, will this truly be the biggest night in Raw history?

 

The Bloodline is here!

The Tribal Chief, Roman Reigns, leads the way for Paul Heyman, the Usos, Solo Sikoa and Sami Zayn! Tonight was meant to be a multigenerational Acknowledgement Ceremony for the Head of the Table, but recent circumstances have forced a change in plans. Even so, Roman and the Usos raise their belts for the pyro. They then go to the ring, and they raise the belts again for another round of Pyro. But behold, there is a table set up. Kevin Owens got the better of everyone on Friday Night SmackDown, except for Sami Zayn, who was a minute too late to stop the Prizefighter. Hence, tonight is a Tribal Court Hearing!

Fans are torn as the Bloodline stands around the table, with Sami off to the side. Philly chants for Sami, but Heyman hands Roman a mic. “Philadelphia! ACKNOWLEDGE ME!” Philly sounds pretty torn here. Roman wants to get to business. “Wise Man!” “Yes, My Tribal Chief!” Heyman takes the mic and everyone sits at the table. Philly chants for “E C DUB!” as Heyman speaks. “My Tribal Chief, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my name is Paul Heyman. And I noticed just a moment ago, you all had a chant of three letters that are very near and dear to me.” Fans chant those letters again, “E C DUB!”

But Heyman explains to Roman that ECW is dead, and Heyman wishes the same for SAMI ZAYN! Fans boo, that’s not right! Fans chant for Sami now, but Heyman says, “In plain Samoan speak in this Tribal Court, that is an imbula bara para!” A JUDAS! A BETRAYER of the Island of Relevancy! A conspiracist, in a conspiracy with Kevin Owens since day number one! Sami led the Bloodline on about how good they are and how he is a part of them, “like the fans of the Philadelphia Eagles.” Fans boo but Heyman says they’re gonna feel like the fans after they get conquered by BROCK PURDY of the 49ers! Fans boo even harder!

Fans chant “Fly Eagles Fly!” but Heyman continues to say that this is an open and shut case. He has Exhibits A, B, C, D, even E, F, G, all the way to L M N O P! But he’ll stop at these four pieces of footage that demonstrate that Sami Zayn is “guilty as charged.” Fans boo but Heyman presents his evidence. Exhibit A: Sami talking with the Usos on 8/12/22, and then Drew McIntyre attacks! “Sword Ass” McIntyre jumped the Usos but Sami ran off! “Like the gutless coward that he is!” And then Exhibit B: 8/29/22, Jey telling Sami to get a chair, and Sami taking his sweet time. Sami could’ve hit Kevin, but he didn’t! And Kevin hit a Stunner to win!

Heyman apologizes to Jey that he had to relive that. But Exhibit C: 11/26/22, Survivor Series and the WarGames match. After the win, Sami isn’t with the Bloodline celebrating, he’s on top of the cage for his own glory. And he says something about for life! Is he nWo? Four Horseman? What? And lastly, Exhibit D: 12/23/22, Sami talking up the Bloodline, but shoulder bumping Roman! THAT! The high school hallway shoulder bump! That’s assault! Does Sami perform euthanasia on Roman’s father? Castrate Roman’s sons? That was an assassination attempt on Roman so that Sami could become the Tribal Chief!

If Sami is guilty of nothing else, he is guilty of assault on the Tribal Chief! Heyman tells Roman and the “jury,” he begs of us, and he’s not a begging man, “to find this rat bastard… Guilty! As! Charged!” Fans boo as Heyman drops the mic in Sami’s lap. Then he picks up another mic just to say he rests is case. Fans rally behind Sami as he stands up to speak. “You know, I had a whole defense all lined up, all laid out in my head, but the one thing I didn’t count on was how I would actually feel when I came out here.

“And Paul, watching you, listening to you say all that, right to my face, after every time you hugged me, and it’s Shmuli this, and ‘I love you, Shmuli’ that, man… That hurts. That hurts so much. Watching you play that video, carefully craft this video to make it out like what? What do you think? What do you think I’m doing? You think I’m conspiring with Kevin Owens? You think I’m trying to take out the Tribal Chief?” Heyman shouts “YES!” Sami asks how Heyman can think that after all this time. The fact Heyman would think that, that hurts! After everything that’s gone on, the fact that the Bloodline doesn’t see it, guess what? The FANS see it!

The fans have seen it all these last nine months! But the fact that they’d literally put Sami on trial, to defend himself, that hurts. “So I guess what I’m saying is, my defense is that I have no defense.” Sami sits back down but Philly cheers him on. Roman looks confused. He grabs a mic and says, “Let me get this straight. You don’t have a defense? You got so much ego, you won’t even fight for this? You won’t even explain yourself? You don’t care now, huh? You got so much ego, that you can’t even argue for this? This doesn’t mean anything to you?” Roman gave Sami chance after chance, and this is what he does? This is the respect he shows Roman!? SOLO!!

Solo steps closer to Sami and fans boo. Solo walks around Sami, prepares the thumb, but then JEY stops him!? Fans fire up as Jey stops the Samoan Spike from executing Sami! Fans chant “UCEY! UCEY!” and Jey has everyone calm down. OG, no disrespect, but Jey has his own footage. Roll the tape. WHAT!? Defense Exhibit A! It’s 6/3/22, Matt Riddle hits a SUPER RKO but Roman’s music hit! Jey snuck the tag, then hits the USO SPLASH so the Usos retain, and Sami was the one who pulled the fake-out! Exhibit B: 8/19/22, McIntyre tossing Roman around, but Sami makes the save! Exhibit C: 9/9/22, McIntyre goes after Solo with a chair, Sami makes the save!

And Exhibit D: 12/9/22, Usos beat Brawling Brutes, Sami makes sure Sheamus couldn’t get in! And then Exhibit E: back to WarGames, Kevin has Roman down, Sami stops the ref! And then LOW BLOWS Kevin! And then hits the HELLUVA KICK to set Kevin up for Jey’s USO SPLASH, that wins it for them! Fans cheer seeing those videos, and Jey says, “Let’s go, man! It’s right there, Uce. It’s right there on tape, on film, for you and the whole world to see! This man has taken so many bullets for me, for you, for the whole Bloodline. Man, my dawg basically bulletproof.” And we all know Jey despised and distrusted Sami.

But Sami saw the good in Jey the whole time and never gave up on him. That’s what family do! Fans cheer that, and Jey says, “That tape right there demonstrates to me, Uce, loyalty! And love to this family! Sami Zayn, I love you like a brother, Uce, 100.” So if you want Sami to stay, throw your ones to the sky! All of Philly joins Jey, and even Jimmy raises his finger! Roman stands up now, but fans chant “SAMI USO!” Roman says, “As your Tribal Chief, and the Head of the Table, I find you, Sami Zayn… Not guilty.” Fans cheer and Heyman looks like he’s tearing up. But then Roman adds, “For now.” He wants Sami to thank Jey, because Jey bought Sami time.

In the meantime, this is how it will go. Sami can finish tonight, make the Bloodline proud, and then Roman doesn’t wanna see Sami again until Saturday at the Royal Rumble. Not see him, hear from him, or hear that he’s at a show. Sami will go home, then show up at the Royal Rumble. And that is where Sami delivers his final test. Then we’ll see if Sami Zayn really is The Bloodline or not. The Tribal Chief has passed his judgment, but will the Honorary Uce find a way to finally prove he is worthy?

 

Raw Tag Team Championships: The Usos w/ Sami Zayn VS The Judgment Day w/ Rhea Ripley & Finn Balor!

Jimmy & Jey helped Sami stay in the Bloodline, but now they must pull their own weight in defending their own honor! Will the Usos keep Raw on lockdown? Or will Dominik Mysterio & Damian Priest bring the jailhouse rock to the Uso Penitentiary?

The introductions are made, the red belts are raised, and we see who really runs Monday Night Raw!

The teams sort out and Priest starts with Jimmy. Priest fires off with kicks and fists, then he whips Jimmy to ropes. Jimmy holds ropes, Priest rushes in but Jimmy sends him out. Priest gets back on the apron and blocks a kick, but he spins Jimmy for the DRAGON WHIP! Jimmy then builds speed, but Priest moves aside. Jimmy grins, goes out to taunt Dom and then follows Priest. Dom goes after Jimmy but Jimmy DECKS him! Priest POUNCES Jimmy onto the announce desk! Priest and Dom high-five, Priest puts Jimmy in, and tags in Dom. Dom slingshot sentons! Fans boo as Dom gives us Latino Heat.

Dom CHOKES Jimmy on the ropes, lets off at 4, and Finn gets a cheap shot in! Dom stomps away on Jimmy, rains down forearms, then tags Priest. They mug Jimmy, Priest whips Jimmy to ropes and BACK ELBOWS him down! Cover, TWO! Jimmy sits up but Priest clamps onto the arms for a motorcycle stretch. Fans rally as Jimmy endures. Roman, Solo and Heyman watch from their private room, though Heyman is watching Roman more than anything. Jimmy fights up but Priest CLUBS him down. Fans boo but Priest soaks it all up. Priest stands Jimmy up, shoves him and CLUBS him on the back!

Priest roars, Jimmy sputters, and Rhea mocks Jimmy. Priest brings Jimmy up and shoves, but Jimmy LARIATS on the return! Fans rally up as Priest and Jimmy both crawl. Hot tags to Dom and Jey! Fans rally as Jey rallies on Dom with big clotheslines! Mule kick! UPPERCUT! Dom flounders, swings on Jey but Jey dodges him to SAMOAN DROP! Rhea and Finn freak out but Jey leads the fans in “UCE! SO!” HIP ATTACK in the corner! Cover, TWO! Dom survives but Jey drags Dom up. Dom ROCKS Jey, blocks a kick, but also gets a DRAGON WHIP! Tag to Priest, he ROUNDHOUSES Jey away! Priest runs in, but Jey elbows back!

Jimmy tags in, Priest choke grips Jey! Jey slips free, the Usos shove and DOUBLE SPINEBUSTER! Cover, TWO! Priest is still in this and Rhea is frustrated. Jimmy goes to a corner, climbs up top, and fans rally with Sami. Dom rushes over but Jimmy DECKS him! Priest runs in, Jimmy shoulders him back, but Jimmy slingshots into a HAYAMKER! Jey runs in, Priest fires off strikes! Priest ROCKS Jimmy in a corner, SPLASHES Jey in the other! Priest runs to back elbow Jimmy, then back elbow Jey, then back to Jimmy! Another shot for Jey, and then the BROKEN ARROW! Priest snarls as Jey bails out.

Priest builds speed, but Jimmy SUPERKICKS him! Priest rebounds to SUPERKICK back! Jimmy flops out of the ring, Priest builds speed, and Priest FLIES! Direct hit and down go both Usos! Rhea and Finn fire up as Priest roar! Philly boos as Priest puts Jimmy back in, and Priest runs to COMEBACKER LARIAT! Cover, TWO!! Rhea is furious but the ref defends his count. Jimmy is in the corner, Priest runs in to back elbow! Dom tags in, Priest ROLLING KICKS Jey! Priest lifts Jimmy and Dom climbs up, DOOMSDAY!! Cover, TWO!?! Jimmy survives and Rhea can’t believe it! Sami is relieved but Rhea shouts at the ref.

Priest tags back in, he stalks Jimmy and brings him up. Priest reels Jimmy in, Canadian Racks, but Jimmy sips off! Tag to Jey! SUPERKICK for Priest! Dom run sin, into DOUBLE SUPERKICKS! DOUBLE SUPERKICKS for Priest! And then DOUBLE SUPERKICKS AGAIN! Cover, TWO!!! Priest survives and everyone is shocked! Finn helps Dom back in, and the ref has to stop him. Finn runs around to trip up Jey! But the ref sees him!! Finn says no, he didn’t mean to! But the ref EJECTS Finn!! Finn is furious but Philly is loving it! More refs come out to drag Finn away! Jey adjusts, USO SPLASH onto knees! Cover, TWO!!!

Rhea can’t believe it! But Jey SUPERKICKS Priest! Tag to Jimmy and he goes up top, USO SPLASH!! Cover, TWO!?!? Priest survives and no one can believe it! Sami is worried, Rhea rallies for Priest and Dom. Jimmy stands, builds speed, and he DIVES to take out Priest! Dom hurries to Priest’s side, Rhea tells commentary to shut up about being nervous. Jimmy hobbles, his leg is bothering him. Jey checks on him, as does Sami. The ref checks on Jimmy, too, but Jimmy is pissed! He hurt his leg, and that brings out medics. The medics help Jimmy up, and Adam Pearce hurries out. Jimmy can’t continue? The ref confirms as much.

Well, if Jimmy can’t, then protocol dictates forfeiting the match, and the titles. Rhea laughs, but Sami says wait! There has to be a solution! Fans cheer and they already anticipate that solution! One Uso is down, but Sami USO is good to go! Sami wants to tag in! Roman is curious as to this development, but fans want to see it! Pearce says he did it for Judgment Day, he’ll do it for Raw 30! Sami tags in, this match continues NOW! Sami is doing his duty, and he fires off on Dom! Jey is after Priest, Philly is thunderous! Sami clotheslines Dom out, Priest clotheslines Jey out! Priest rushes Sami, Sami dumps Priest out!

Fans fire up as Sami builds speed, to FLY! Direct hit on Dom and Priest! Fans are even more fired up as Sami drags Dom up and into the ring! Priest grabs Sami’s foot, Sami kicks him away, but Dom rolls up Sami! With feet on the ropes! TWO!!!! Dom fires off furious fists on Sami, and he says HE will be champion! Dom runs in, into a CORNER EXPLODER! Fans fire up as Sami goes to the other end! But Rhea gets on the apron! Fans boo, but Priest sneaks in! Choke grip, SOUTH OF HEAVEN!!! Sami is down, Dom crawls to the cover! Cover, TWO!?!? Sami survives and Judgment Day cannot believe it! But Philly is LOVING this!

Dom dares Sami to get up, then he runs in, body scissors onto the rope! Dom dials it up but Jey tags in! SUPERKICK for Dom! SUPERKICK for Priest! Rhea gets in, and Jey hesitates. Rhea dares Jey to do something, but then Dom rushes in and dropkicks Jey onto ropes! Dom dials it up, 619!! Fans boo but Dom climbs up! FROG SPLASH!! Cover, SAMI BREAKS IT!! Fans are thunderous but Priest whips Sami to a corner. Sami dodges and Priest POSTS himself! Priest flops out, Dom TOSSES Sami out! But Jey fireman’s carries! Dom slips off, Sami tags in as Jey bucks the O’Conner! SUPERKICK! Sami and Jey coordinate, they ONE AND DONE!!! Cover, THE USOS WIN!!

Winners: Jey Uso & Sami Zayn (still Raw Tag Team Champions)

Roman is rather stunned. Sami actually did it! He made up for tonight, but Roman still doesn’t wanna see Sami until Saturday. Heyman says, “Yes, My Tribal Chief.” But even so, Sami and Jey raise the belts together as brothers in arm! Will San Antonio be Sami’s last stand?

 

JBL and Baron Corbin walk around backstage.

They come across The Godfather! JB and Charles Wright hug it out, and Wright asks JBL, “Who’s the stooge you got with you?” JBL introduces Corbin, and Wright checks his guest list. Barry? No, Baron. He’s gotta be on the list. Nope, no Corbins. JBL says maybe they can speak to the owner of the establishment. Sure, he can do that. Wait, APA? It’s RON SIMMONS! Bradshaw and Farooq hug it out, but who’s the stooge? This is Baron Corbin! HIs protégé. They wanna get in on the poker game but Corbin’s not on the list. Maybe They could check it again, wink wink. Money money. Oh… That list. Yeah, they got a spot for him.

Ron says he’s got just the thing for Corbin and JBL, and they walk through the door. Ron sure fixed this place up from the old days. There’s THREE poker tables, with legends and new stars all around! Will Corbin fit right in here?

 

LA Knight is here!

The Mega Star of SmackDown is here on Raw 30, and he says, “Lemme talk to ya!” Philly cheers “YEAH!” “Last Friday on SmackDown, Bray Wyatt brought back the Firefly Funhouse, yippee~! A grown-man incel playing with puppets with spooky music. And I’m supposed to be scared of that? HUH!? WRONG! If I was any more a man, there’d be two of me standing here right now. Meanwhile, this guy is living on past glory, and it just got me thinking. Here we are, Raw is turning 30 tonight, there’s a bunch of legends back there running around, they’re living on past glory. Bray Wyatt’s living on past glory.

“And it just has me thinking: If any single one of those legends right now has enough tingle in their loins, YEAH~, why don’t you come on down here and I’ll give you a little preview of the Pitch Black match at Royal Rumble, at your expense, YEAH!” Everyone waits, but Knight figured. No one will- WAIT! The bell tolls, the lights go down, and the moon rises! IT’S THE UNDERTAKER!! But then wait, Kidd Rock plays, and it’s the AMERICAN BADASS TAKER!! The motorcycle riding version of the Dead Man is here in Philly! Taker parks at ringside, makes sure the kickstand is up, and then Philly fires up as he gets in the ring!

Knight says that’s enough, cut the music! Fans chant for “UNDERTAKER!” and now Taker is waiting on Knight to get back in the ring. Knight says, “Before we take this anywhere, I heard what you said on Joe Rogan about the locker room being soft. Hey, I agree with ya. You look back there and there’s a bunch of softies back there. Top of the list is Bray Wyatt. But I’ll tell you like this: if you think I fall under that umbrella, somebody told you the wrong story. But I tell you what. You’re giving me an opportunity to do something right now.

Let’s just think about something here: think of the irony of the headline we can create right now: LA Knight sends the Undertaker to the undertaker. HAHA, YEAH!” So Knight says he’s gonna give Taker a pass. He’ll let Taker live to see another day and enjoy retirement with his family. Oh, but Knight wants Taker to watch the match at Rumble. After that, Knight will be the Lord of Darkness. Also, if anyone asks you whose game this is, don’t be confused. Everyone is saying it’s L A Knight’s Game, YEAH! But then the lights go down! BRAY WYATT is here! And he’s right behind Knight! Knight gets scared down the ramp, stuck between a rock and a hard place!

Bray walks his way forward, lantern shining, and it forces Knight towards the ring. Knight tells Taker not to take what he just said personally. But then Taker choke grips Knight! Knight begs for mercy, but Taker sees Bray approach the ring. Bray steps inside, and Taker gives Knight over to SISTER ABIGAIL! And fans lose their minds over a moment we thought we’d never see again: Taker and Bray staring down! Taker whispers something to Bray, then takes his leave. What just did the Phenom tell the Eater of Worlds? Will it help Bray overcome not just Knight, but the inner demons Bray is battling?

 

We check back in with the APA poker games.

JBL sees the belt Alundra Blayze has with her. Did she fish this out of the trash? Ha ha. She raises, Gable folds, “A thank yew.” Why does he always do that? It’s the smart move! Otis doesn’t care, he’s in! What about DDP? Oh, he’s in, and calls. Blayze has Kings & Queens, FULL HOUSE! She’s still champ! WAIT! D D P has a straight. Those don’t beat Full Houses. But a STERAIGHT FLUSH DOES! BANG! Alright, good one. Who will be the big winner tonight on the biggest night in Raw history?

 

Steel Cage Match: Bayley VS Becky Lynch!

The Role Model and the Man have escalated their rivalry to this point, in which Bayley got goaded into doing this all on her own! Dakota Kai & Iyo Sky see Bayley out, but will they see Bayley lose all on her own? Or can Bayley finally overcome everything Becky says is still bothering her?

Raw is picture in picture for Bayley’s entrance, and she takes a moment to take in the sight that is the cage lowering. She tells the crew to hustle up, time is money. Bayley taunts Philly from the cage, more than likely saying her 49ers will beat the Eagles just like she’ll beat Becky here. Raw returns to single picture as Becky makes her entrance. Becky steps into the cage, but wait! Kai & Sky return! SO much for doing this alone! Becky fights them off, but Bayley BOOTS the door into Becky! Kai & Sky throw Becky around, then FLAPJACK her into the cage! Bayley cheers her team on as Kai has a metal chain! She DECKS Becky with a chain fist!

Kai & Sky put Becky in the cage, then join Bayley in beat Becky down! Kai uses the chain to lock the door! Bayley & Sky TOSS Becky into the steel! Bayley rains down fists, and says she’s the smartest person in this division! Pearce is furious but he can’t get the door open as Bayley hits a suplex on Becky! Sky stomps Becky then hits a LIONSAULT! Pearce and Bayley argue, but Bayley says Becky wanted this! Pearce has bolt cutters and he cuts away at the chain! But DMG CTRL hits a DOUBLE BACK SUPLEX NECKBREAKER!! Becky is down, DMG CTRL climbs the cage to get away from Pearce and the refs.

Fans boo but DMG CTRL laughs, having pulled off their master plan. Will anyone be able to humble the Role Model with the back-up she’s got?

 

Degeneration X is here!

Philly fires up because they are ready! HHH! HBK! Road Dogg! X-Pac! And playing the part of Billy Gunn tonight is Kurt Angle. Angle joins in on the crotch chop pyro! Dogg gets the mic to say, “The more things change, the more they stay the same. Now then, llllladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages! Tonight, Degeneration X proudly presents to you, it’s SIX-TIME WWE Tag Team Champions of the WOOOOORLD~! The Road Dogg, Jessie James! The Bad-” Wait. They just now noticed Kurt Angle? What’s he doing here? Angle always wanted to be in DX. He takes off his red, “I’ll make you TAP OUT” shirt, and reveals a DX shirt!

HBK wants to sort this out. If Angle wants to be in DX, he has to past the test. Is he ready? Is that the test? HHH says nevermind. He asks the fans, “ARE! YOU! READY~?!” Fans cheer, so “then, for the sold out thousands in attendance. For the millions watching around the world. LLLLLLLLLLET’S-” IMPERIUM!? Giovanni Vinci, Ludwig Kaiser, and of course Der Ring General, GUNTHER, are here from SmackDown! The WWE Intercontinental Champion leads his soldiers into the ring to stand face-to-face with DX! Ludwig has a mic to say, “Shame on you for all that filth and nonsense.”

Fans boo but Gunther says, “Look at all of you! You bunch of degenerates! Standing out here celebrating yourselves! For what?! For making a mockery of this great sport! We are Imperium! And we are here to restore the honor of this precious sport. And we are here to kick you out of OUR ring. Unless anyone of you is gonna do something about it.” They all pat HHH on the back and he steps up! HHH says, “I’m retired, dude.” Then he steps back and looks to HBK. Fans cheer on HBK, but he says he’s too old. X-Pac says if they’re leaving this to him, he has shin splints. and Road Dogg won’t even joke about it. HHH tells “Butterbean” to stay in the corner.

But HHH has the group huddle up. Fans already cheer on Kurt Angle, and they look to him. So they volunteer Kurt! Kurt say nope, not it. Oh, c’mon! Well, they’re in a bit of a jam, then. HHH wishes there was someone who would come out here and fight Imperium. SETH ROLLINS is here! Fans sing “OH~ OHH~ OHHH~!” for the Visionary as he makes his way to the ring. But wait, he’s just one guy. Imperium is three. If only there was a team that could help Seth. Well here come the STREET PROFITS! Montez Ford & Angelo Dawkins wear their 76ers best as they make their way to the ring! Because where there’s fire, there’s SMOKE!

Dogg says this is cool! Three and three, now what? Well, someone needs to make it official. Why’s everyone always looking at HHH? Booking isn’t that easy! You don’t just make decisions on the fly. If only there was someone who could come out and make sense of this whole situation. TEDDY LONG is here! And he says, “Hold on a minute, playa. Now, I’ve got the perfect idea for ya. Imperium, tonight… You will face the Street Profits, and Seth Freakin’ Rollins, in a SIX MAN TAG TEAM MATCH, playa!” HBK says someone needs to keep this chaos under control. Like a special guest referee?

DX huddles up again, Angle wants to talk because he has an idea. Hold on, they’re talking. Guys, Angle has an idea! Fine, let him say it. Angle has a REF SHIRT under the DX shirt! It’s even red, white ‘n’ blue! HHH says let’s make Kurt the special guest ref! It’s official! Ring the bell! HBK says if you’re not down with that, we’ve got two words for ya: SUCK IT!! Will Imperium regret crashing Raw 30?

Six Man Tag: Seth Rollins & The Street Profits VS Imperium!

Raw returns and the trios sort out as Jerry “The King” Lawler joins commentary. Rollins and Vinci start, and they circle. Fans sing for Rollins, “OH~ OHH~ OHHH~!” Rollins and Vinci tie up, go around, and Vinci headlocks. Rollins powers up but can’t power out as Vinci holds tight. Rollins fights up, powers out, and things speed up. Rollins hurdles, redirects, then mule kicks Vinci! Front kick, DISCUS LARIAT! Fans fire up and Rollins brings Vinci up. Rollins wrenches the arm, tags in Ford, and Ford jumps in to CLUB Vinci’s elbow! Ford wrenches the arm, but Vinci kicks low! Vinci uppercuts and CHOPS!

Ford is stinging, but Vinci whips. Ford reverses to DROPKICK Vinci down! Cover, TWO! Ford CHPOS Vinci in the corner, whips him corner to corner, but Vinci reverses. Ford boots but Vinci blocks to short arm LARIAT! Vinci stomps Ford, tags Ludwig, and Imperium mugs Ford. Ludwig CLUBS Ford, kicks low, then CLUBS Ford again. Fans rally for Ford but Ludwig bumps Ford off buckles. Ludwig stomps a mudhole, then shouts, “NEIN!” Fans boo but Ludwig drags Ford up. Ludwig whips but Ford reverses to CHOP, CHOP and CHOP! Ford whips, tag to Dawkins, the Profits run Ludwig over! Back suplex SPLASH! Cover, TWO!

Ludwig goes to a corner but Dawkins whips Ludwig corner to corner. Dawkins runs in but Ludwig dodges the cyclone to GAMANGIRI! Ludwig ROCKS Dawkins, but Dawkins DECKS Ludwig! Both men are down and Philly fires up! Hot tags to Gunther and Rollins! The Architect stares down with Der Ring General and fans fire up. Gunther kicks low, CLUBS Rollins, then UPPERCUTS! Gunther scoops but Rollins slips off to waistlock, Gunther switches, for a SLEEPER! Rollins arm-drags free, runs in but is put on the apron. Gunther swings, Rollins dodges to shoulder in! Rollins springboards, into a CHOP!

Rollins sputters, Gunther drags Rollins up and scoop SLAMS him! Then NECK TWIST! Rollins writhes, Angle reprimands, but Gunther CHOPS Ford down, and he stares Dawkins down while Raw goes picture in picture.

Gunther stalks Rollins, stomps him around, then drags Rollins up to wrench. Gunther grinds the arm, tags in Ludwig, and they mug Rollins. Rollins goes to ropes, Ludwig CHOKES him! Angle counts, Ludwig lets off and argues with him, and Vinci gets a cheap shot in! Angle suspects something but Ludwig covers, TWO! Ludwig drags Rollins up to chinlock, but Rollins endures. Rollins pries the hold, fans rally up, and Rollins throws body shots. Then a JAWBREAKER! Ludwig staggers back, tag to Vinci! Vinci stops Rollins and whips him to ropes, to then scoop and BACKBREAKER! Cover, TWO!

Vinci is annoyed but Angle defends his count. Rollins stands, but Vinci kicks him to the corner. Vinci ROCKS Rollins, then brings Rollins out. Rollins throws body shots, but Vinci knees low! Vinci POSTS Rollins! Tag to Ludwig, and Rollins is tuck in the corner. Gunther joins in, TRIPLE KICK in the corner! Imperium poses together while Rollins flops to the floor. Gunther drags Rollins up, puts him in the ring, and stomps him down. Gunther tags Ludwig, and Ludwig grinds Rollins down with a headlock. Rollins endures, fans rally up again, and Rollins fights up. Rollins throws body shots, powers out, but Ludwig throws him by his hair!

Ludwig then clamps onto Rollins with a chinlock and he grinds Rollins down. Rollins endures, Ludwig puts his weight on the hold, and Raw returns to single picture. Fans continue to rally as Rollins fights up. Rollins pries the hold open to DECK Ludwig! Rollins hurries but Ludwig grabs an arm! Ludwig keeps Rollins back, then he whips Rollins at the corner! Rollins BLASTS Gunther, then CLOBBERS Ludwig! But Vinci rushes in to back suplex! Rollins lands on his feet, ducks Vinci and hot tags Ford! Ford GAMANGIRIS Vinci, then CLOBBERS him! And CLOBBERS him again! Ford CHOPS and CHOPS and CHOPS and CHOPS! MACHINE GUN CHOPS!

Ford whips, Vinci reverses, but Ford CLOBBERS him! Ford kicks, front kicks, but Vinci ducks the enziguri! Back suplex, but Ford lands on his feet! Vinci kicks, Ford blocks, and Ford has an ANKLE LOCK! Angle appreciates the shoutout, and then Dawkins intercepts Ludwig! DOUBLE ANKLE LOCKS! Fans fire up, Gunther runs in, and he BOOTS Ford! And CHOPS Dawkins! Gunther and Angle argue, and fans fire up for Kurt. Gunther jabs Kurt in the chest with his finger, so Kurt shoves him! Rollins runs in to CLOBBER Gunther! Dawkins builds speed to FLY onto Ludwig! Ford builds speed to FLY onto Vinci!

And as fans sing, “OH~ OHH~ OHHH~!” Rollins builds speed to- CHOP from Gunther! Gunther SHOTGUNS Rollins into buckles! Gunther drags Rollins up, for the GENERAL BOMB! Cover, TWO!!! Rollins survives and Gunther is furious! Gunther waistlocks and deadlifts Rollins, to GERMAN SUPLEX! But Rollins lands on his feet! Gunther gets around, SLEEPER, but Rollins pries free to ELBOW BREAKER! PELE! SUPERKICK! ANGLE SLAM!! Angle likes that shoutout, too! Rollins and Gunther are both down, they crawl for their corners, hot tags to Vinci and Ford! Vinci LARIATS Ford!

Ludwig goes up top, Vinci lifts Ford! But Rollins springs up after Ludwig! Ford back drops Vinci, Rollins SUPERPLEXES Ludwig! And rolls through, feed to the Electric Chair! Ford is up top, BLOCKBUSTER DOOMSDAY!! Gunther returns to CHOP Dawkins! Rollins kicks, Gunther blocks and reels him in! Rollins slips free to PEDIGREE!! Shoutout to HHH!! Dawkins dodges Vinci to ANOINT him! Rollins tags in as Ford is up top, FROM THE HEAVENS! Rollins adds on the CURB STOMP!! Cover, Rollins & the Profits win!

Winners: Seth Rollins & The Street Profits, by pinfall

The Visionary tops it off, he is rolling towards the Royal Rumble! Will Rollins look to #BurnItDown at WrestleMania?

 

The poker games continue.

And Corbin has made it all the way to facing THE Million Dollar Man, Ted DeBiase! What’s Coribn got? He’s got FOUR ACES! DeBiase folds and he’s out! The pot goes to Corbin! Wait, Irwin R. Schyster is here to say, “Don’t forget to pay your taxes.” IRS takes his cut, and… Corbin gest to keep $100. He “earned” that. Ron walks over and sees what happened. JBL braces for it. “DAMN!!”

 

Backstage interview with Bobby Lashley.

Cathy Kelley notes that later tonight, Lashley takes on Austin Theory for the WWE United States Championship, but can he explain to us why it’s now in a No Disqualifications match? Lashley says NO DQ means no excuses and no way out. Theory can’t get disqualified to hold onto his title, and Lashley won’t get disqualified for what he’s about to do to Theory. Lashley should still be US champion, if not for Brock Lesnar. But Lashley dealt with Brock, and that little suspension. Lashley has one focus: tear Theory apart and win the US Championship back.

But then MVP steps in and asks Cathy give them time to talk. MVP tells “the champ” that he has no doubt in his mind Lashley will do everything he said he would. Lashley is going to hurt Theory, and take back his title. Then after that, Lashley and MVP can hit the VIP Lounge, pop some bottles, make some new friends, wink wink. Lashley tells MVP that he didn’t need help from MVP or Omos to become #1 contender. And he won’t need their hep to win the title back. So tonight, let Lashley handle his business on his own. Lashley heads out and MVP says okay, Lashley can handle his business. Will Montel Vontavius Porter be a man of his word?

 

Ric Flair is here!

Philly lets out a “WOO~!” for the Nature Boy, and he has a mic to say, “Celebrating making history. Celebrating 30 years of Raw! You, you keep our lights shining. You keep the Nature Boy stylin’, baby, and profilin’. And like I’ve said over the years, diamonds are forever. And so is Monday Night Raw. WOO~! The WWE has given me so much, given me the opportunity to be so successful. But the greatest gift they’ve given me is the opportunity to watch my daughter exceed all of my goals. And I am so honored, so honored as a father, as a wrestler, as a man, to be here tonight in front of you to introduce to you our very special guest. Really special.

“The greatest Women’s Champion in the history of the WWE, Charlotte Flair! WOO~!” Charlotte makes her entrance now, the SmackDown Women’s Championship around her waist. The Queen struts her way to the ring, high-fiving fans along the way. Charlotte has the mic to say, “It is right here on Raw where we began to revolutionize Women’s Wrestling. It is where I evolved from a Diva, into the FOURTEEN-TIME Women’s Champion! WOO~! Facing names like Ronda Rousey, Nikki & Brie Bella, Asuka, and Rhea Ripley. No, it’s really because of them that I am able to call myself the most decorated athlete of all time. Women’s athlete of all time.

“Now I know I stand here your SmackDown Women’s Champion, but Monday Night Raw will always be my home.” But wait! Here comes Bianca Belair, the RAW Women’s Champion! The EST makes her way to the ring, no stranger to The Queen. Bianca and Charlotte stand in the ring together and fans cheer the EST. Bianca says she respects everything Charlotte’s done for the business. “No one wears a crown like you. Yes, Queen, do what you do! But just not here. Because I go here now. This is my show, this is my home, and you best believe that I do everything that I can to make sure that Raw is the greatest show on television.”

Wait, here comes Sonya Deville! Sonya says, “Oh hold on, hold on. I am so sorry to break up this little pow-wow, but ladies. Do you realize how big a night in Raw history this is? And the two of you are just standing out here, talking about yourselves.” Starting with Charlotte, was it really necessary to fly daddy all the way out here just so he could give her a grand introduction? For a show she’s not even wanted on? And to Bianca, she doesn’t really think fans tune in just for her, does she? That’s a little delusional. But what about people who work so hard to make this show special that don’t get the spotlight every week? People like Sonya.

She did use to run this, y’know. She was Raw General Manager for over a year! Where is HER recognition in all this? Charlotte says she does owe Sonya for the cheap shot on Friday. So Bianca has been killing it, she should handle that. You up for it, champ? Bianca says it’ll be her pleasure! Sonya wants to face the champ, right? She wanted the spotlight, right? So come get in the ring to be the center of Bianca’s attention. That is, if Sonya’s ready to go 1v1 with the EST of the WWE. The ball is in Sonya’s court, will she play the game?

Bianca Belair VS Sonya Deville!

Ras returns and Sonya is playing the game! The bell rings and Sonya circles with Bianca. They tie up, Bianca puts Sonya in the corner but Sonya turns it around., The ref counts, Sonya lets off, and Bianca pushes her. Sonya comes back, waistlocks, but Bianca switches. Sonya switches, Bianca switches again and SLAMS Sonya down! Sonya fight sup, throws elbows, and headlocks. Bianca powers up and out, then she runs Sonya over! Fans cheer as Bianca dusts herself off. Bianca runs, Sonya stays low but Bianca handsprings. Bianca says kiss this, then hurdles. Sonya slides, but turns around into a DROPKICK!

Bianca kips up, fans fire up, and Bianca RAMS Sonya in the corner! The ref counts, Bianca lets off, and she whips Sonya corner to corner. Sonya comes back into a scoop, and Bianca carries Sonya around. Sonya slips off, throws Bianca down by her hair, and then soaks up the heat. Bianca goes to a corner, Sonya storms up and throws kicks and body shots! Sonya stalks Bianca to a corner, she bumps Bianca off buckles, and then Sonya says this will be Charlotte next. Bianca shoves Sonya but Sonya kicks Bianca. Sonya bumps Bianca off buckles, throws body shots, and then snapmares her. Sonya runs, but Bianca avoids the knee!

Bianca rolls Sonya, TWO, and Bianca goes to a corner. Sonya runs into a BOOT! Bianca goes up top, tells Sonya to kiss this, and then she flips over Sonya! Bianca scoops Sonya for a BACKBREAKER! Sonya writhes, Bianca handsprings to MOONSAULT! Cover, TWO! Fans rally behind Bianca and she brings Sonya up. Bianca whips Sonya to the corner, runs in, but Sonya KNEES Bianca away! Sonya whips but Bianca reverses, sending Sonya out of the ring. Sonya gets on the apron but Bianca WRECKS her with a dropkick! Bianca goes out after Sonya, but Sonya grabs at her foot. Bianca kicks Sonya away, then leaps.

But Sonya gets under, to BOOT Bianca down! Fans boo but Sonya mocks the “WOO~!” as Raw goes to break.

Raw returns again and Bianca has Sonya up in a stalling suplex! Bianca marches around before the SLAM! Bianca kips up, fans fire up, and Bianca handsprings to MOONSUALT onto knees! Sonya runs in to BOOT Bianca, high stacks, TWO! Sonya is frustrated but Bianca is the toughEST for a reason. Sonya covers again, ONE! Fans rally for Bianca but Sonya drags Bianca around. Sonya steps through but Bianca kicks her away! Bianca torture racks, for the KISS OF DEATH!! Cover, Bianca wins!

Winner: Bianca Belair, by pinfall

Sonya kept trying to send a message to Charlotte and she lost focus on the champion in front of her! Will Sonya earn a title match losing like this?

As for Bianca, she gets a mic to say, “Hold on, hold on. Don’t even think I forgot about Alexa Bliss and the Royal Rumble. Because what I just did to Sonya, is only a preview of what I’m gonna do to Alexa Bliss. Because you know what? She can bring Uncle Howdy, Bray Wyatt, the Playhouse, the Funhouse, whoever, it don’t matter. Nobody and no one is gonna stop them from saying, ‘And still your Raw Women’s Champion, Bianca Belair!'” But then Bliss is on the tron! “Bianca. For the last time. I am your only obstacle. And if everyone would just leave me the hell alone, maybe I wouldn’t have to keep reminding you of that.”

Alexa doesn’t need Uncle Howdy or Bray Wyatt, or anyone to tear Bianca’s face open with her bare hands. But don’t worry, Alexa will spare Bianca’s eyes so she can watch Alexa walk away with the Raw Women’s Championship. A grim warning from Twisted Miss Bliss. Will Alexa make Bianca the scaredEST she’s ever been?

 

The story of Cody Rhodes’ return continues.

Five months ago, Cody started on his rehab. He wants to not only make his comeback at the Royal Rumble, he wants to win the Royal Rumble. It feels like it has taken 16 years to get to this point. Not only recovering from injury, but carrying the history of everywhere Cody has been. His first run in WWE, him leaving, and him returning. All the doubt, all the struggle, all the sacrifice, all the heartache. When you’re in the ring and in the moment, you know exactly why it’s working. He was born for this.

Cody is in the prime of his career, only to hit rock bottom. “No human being could’ve kept me from getting in that ring. I looked up at the lights enough, whether that be in the ring or on a table, ready to have surgery.” As his Nightmare Factory mantra says: Put in the work. The doctors know he has the determination to get back, but Cody has to respect nature of the human body. Cody wants us to picture that moment where you’re that close to success, to vindication. And for it to get broken, that was a legitimate knife to the heart.

But at the Royal Rumble, a torn pec, two torn pecs, torn quads, nothing short of his heart failing will stop him. Being in the ring is like oxygen, and Cody wants to breathe again. Cody is putting in the work, envisioning his return. He wants everyone to get off the mountain, because he has made it clear what he wants and why he is going to do it. The American Nightmare is just FIVE DAYS AWAY, will he make this the biggest comeback in WWE history?

 

WWE 2K23’s cover superstar is…

JOHN CENA! He’s worked to earn his place in WWE history, but has faced the agony of defeat. Will you beat Cena like they did? Or will you help Cena right history? Plus, as a pre-order bonus: BAD BUNNY!

 

The Miz is here!

And he doesn’t look happy. “Thirtieth anniversary of Monday Night Raw, one of the biggest nights in the history of the show, and where’s my MizTV?! Where’s my championship match?! Where’s my celebration of all of my amazingness that has happened? All of my moments on Monday Night Raw! I am the first-ever Grand Slam Champion in the history of this company, and I deserve!” Fans are cheering, but not for Miz! In comes KEVIN OWENS! Kevin turns Miz around for a STUNNER!! Well, that’ll be a highlight for the show. Kevin then grabs the mic out of Miz’s hand as fans chant for “KO! KO!”

Kevin tells Roman, “You might’ve said Sami Zayn is not guilty, but let me tell you what you are guilty of.” Roman is “guilty of having held the WWE Universal title hostage for over two years now!” But on Saturday, at the Royal Rumble, Kevin will give us his word, from everyone in the building and to everyone watching at home, that he will do everything he can to change that and take that title and give everyone a champion they can be proud of! Philly likes the sound of that! Kevin continues to say, “And I guarantee you, I will just keep fighting until I have nothing left. On Saturday, I’m taking that title from you, or I’m gonna die trying!”

Kevin throws down the mic, but Miz gets back up. STUNNER!! Miz is down, and Kevin has thrown down the gauntlet! Will Kevin #StunTheWorld and dethrone the Tribal Chief once and for all?

 

WWE United States Championship No Disqualifications: Austin Theory VS Bobby Lashley!

The Now of the WWE vows he is also the future and the forever of this title. But when going 1v1 against The All Mighty, will forever come to a quick end?

Raw returns as Lashley makes his entrance. The introductions are made, the belt is raised, and with nothing holding them back, we see what will be left of The Now!

The bell rings, Lashley powers Theory to a corner, then he fires off fists! And then he stomps a mudhole! Lashley digs his boot in, throws more hands, but Theory fights back. Theory headlocks, but Lashley SLAMS him down! And then clotheslines him out of the ring! Fans fire up as Lashley paces around. Lashley goes outside, drags Theory up and RAMS him into barriers! Fans fire up while Theory writhes. Lashley fireman’s carries Theory, and POSTS him! Philly fires up as Lashley stands tall, and Raw goes picture in picture.

Lashley drags Theory back up, clinches and RAMS him into more barriers! Theory staggers away, but Lashley follows after. Lashley clinches again, to RAM Theory into more barriers! Theory scrambles into the ring but Lashley pursues. Theory scrambles back out of the ring, but Lashley pursues. Theory goes under the ring, but Lashley drags him back out. Lashley THROWS Theory into more barriers! Lashley looms over Theory, drags him back up, and puts him back in the ring. Lashley takes his time returning while Philly fires up. Lashley stalks Theory to a corner, and Lashley throws back elbow after back elbow. Lashley then TOSSES Theory out of the ring!

Lashley goes outside, starts looking under the ring, and fans fire up. Lashley CLUBS Theory down, then goes back to look under the ring. Theory CLUBS Lashley in return! Theory goes to bump Lashley off the desk, but Lashley blocks that to ROCK Theory! Lashley pushes Theory against the barrier, then throws elbow after elbow! Fans fire up, getting closer to the action. Lashley brings Theory around and RAMS him into the barriers! Lashley then turns Theory around, for a NECKBREAKER to the floor! The ref checks Theory but he’s okay to continue. Lashley leaves Theory behind to bring out a TABLE! But Theory KNEES Lashley away!

Theory hears the fans fire up for the table, so he puts it back under the ring! Theory CLUBS Lashley, puts him in the ring, and goes to the apron. But Lashley gets up to CLUB Theory! Lashley brings Theory around to bump off buckles. Lashley whips corner to corner, then runs in to RAM into Theory! Raw returns to single picture as Lashley hits another NECKBREAKER! Fans rally behind Lashley as he stalks Theory. Lashley suplexes Theory, but Theory rakes eyes to get free! Theory goes to the apron, slingshots and SHOTGUNS Lashley down! Theory fisherman’s for the AOI SHOUDO! Cover, TWO! Theory rains down fists on Lashley in frustration!

Theory goes out, and he grabs a chair! Theory brings the chair into the ring, aims at Lashley, and SMACKS him on the back! Lashley writhes from the chairshot but Theory wedges the chair in the corner. Theory grins, goes back for Lashley, but Lashley TOSSES Theory to the apron! Theory stands up, Lashley ROCKS him! Lashley runs side to side to BLAST Theory to the floor! Lashley goes out but Theory trips him up! Lashley hits off the apron before falling to the floor! Theory drags Lashley up and in, then he goes looking under the ring. Fans want a table, and Theory brings one out! Theory puts the table in the ring, but goes after Lashley first.

Lashley gets around, HURT LOCK! Theory goes for the buckles but Lashley lets go in time! Lashley then drags Theory out to roll up, TWO! Lashley clinches, COMPLETE SHOT! Theory flounders, Lashley drags him up, and Lashley RAMS Theory into the chair! The chair goes flying, Theory flops out to the floor! Fans fire up as Lashley sets up that table Theory brought in! The table is standing in the corner, Lashley fetches Theory. Theory crawls under the ring, Lashley drags him back out, but Theory BLASTS Lashley with the fire extinguisher! Theory RAMS Lashley into steel steps! Philly boos as Theory stands tall, and Raw goes picture in picture.

Lashley writhes on the ground while Theory grits his teeth. Theory soaks up the heat from the fans before he goes looking for more things to use. Theory brings out another table, and he puts that one in the ring. Theory sets this table up in the other corner, leaning it against the buckles. Then he goes back to BLAST Lashley with more fire extinguisher spray! Lashley sputters and staggers away but Theory goes after him. Theory puts Lashley in the ring, soaks up more heat from Philly, and then stalks Lashley. Theory brings Lashley up, throws hands, then headlocks to bring Lashley around. Theory whips, but Lashley blocks!

Lashley throws hands to then whip Theory! Theory stops himself from hitting the table, and he kicks Lashley to throw him back out. Theory soaks up more heat from the fans, and says, “It’s MY time!” Theory goes out after Lashley, but Lashley blocks the bump off the steps. Lashley throws haymakers, then puts Theory back in the ring. Lashley stalks Theory, but Theory dropkicks Lashley’s legs out! And hits a DDT! Theory grins as he goes to the apron. Theory talks trash on Philly, climbs up the corner, but Lashley ROCKS him first! Lashley climbs up, throws more hands, and then brings Theory up.

Theory resists, Lashley throws more hands, and Raw returns to single picture. Fans fire up as Lashley hits a SUPERPLEX! Both men are down and Philly fires up. Lashley throws hands, Theory throws them back. They go back and forth, Lashley blocks a kick to ELBOW, and then gut wrench! Canadian Rack, DOMINATOR! Lashley waits on Theory to get up, then runs in. But Theory KICKS the spear away! Theory fireman’s carries, but Lashley slips off! HURT LOCK!! Theory flails, but MULE KICK LOW BLOWS! Theory grins as he brings Lashley up, but Lashley hits a MILE HIGH SPINEBUSTER through the table!!

BUT WAIT! BROCK LESNAR IS HERE?!? The Beast is grinning ear to ear, because Lashley was wrong! Lashley and Lesnar are NOT done, and Lesnar storms right into the ring! Lesnar hauls Lashley up, F5!! Lesnar drags Theory up, to F5 him ONTO LASHLEY! Cover, Theory wins!!!

Winner: Austin Theory, by pinfall (still WWE United States Champion)

Lesnar screws Lashley all over again! And Theory is again the one who benefits from it all! Is Theory really The Now if he keeps getting lucky? And are we going to see Lashley VS Lesnar at the Royal Rumble again?


My Thoughts:

This was a great episode for Raw, though not as epic as they wanted us to think. The steel cage match turning into a steel cage beatdown was lame, but word is they had to cut it to that because, being that this is live television, the opening segment went long and other segments couldn’t be sacrificed. In all fairness, the Tribal Court also being an adjustment because members of the Anoa’i family couldn’t make the trip, they probably didn’t have the timing worked out. But it was still a great segment that really added some depth to this story with Sami and the Bloodline. Jey stepping up to defend Sami was such a great move.

The Raw Tag Team Championship match was also awesome stuff, especially with the substitute move like we got out of Judgment Day’s match in the tag gauntlet. Kevin and Miz was so short, I almost feel like it wasn’t really needed, but I suppose Kevin needs to say something in response to Roman making a big deal out of grilling Sami. And Miz in character really would be upset he got snubbed on Raw 30. Sami’s final test is definitely about whether or not he can screw over Kevin the same way The Bloodline has screwed over every other challenger Roman has faced. Sami will have a bigger internal conflict than any time before, who knows what we’ll see.

Good stuff with JBL, Corbin and the legends. I like that the legends had no idea who Corbin was, but of course they responded to him having fat stacks of cash. And Corbin winning the last hand only to be shafted by IRS was hilarious. Great stuff out of LA Knight, Bray Wyatt and Taker. American Badass Taker showing up was a huge surprise in itself, and while he didn’t quite get the motorcycle out smoothly, that was minor compared to how great it was to see him and Bray in the ring together again. Now, we still don’t know what to expect from the Pitch Black match, but at this point, even with go-home math in his favor, I don’t see Knight winning.

We got a hilarious segment out of DX and Angle. I was just waiting for them to realize Angle was even there, and Angle having the DX shirt and a ref shirt was great stuff. And of course we had to bring Teddy Long out to make a match. Though, Teddy was the SmackDown GM when he did that… Well, anyway, great Six Man Tag out of Rollins & Profits VS Imperium, and as the Raw superstars and Faces, it makes sense for Rollins & Profits to win. That adds some hype to what we’ll see in the Royal Rumble match, and what we could one day see out of Rollins VS Gunther 1v1 in the future. And great vignette from Cody to further hype his return. At this rate, is he going to enter #1?

Great promo from Charlotte, Bianca and Sonya, and really good match out of Bianca VS Sonya. Bianca winning makes sense, and of course we heard from Alexa. If Bianca stood tall here, go-home math suggests something could happen to help Alexa win. At the same time, with them still making the fuss over Uncle Howdy possibly being behind Alexa, this is still going to come down to that. Uncle Howdy could be why Alexa loses, but also why Alexa wins, and they can tell a story from there. As for Sonya, she could still be Charlotte’s challenger for the Rumble, or she just gets in the Rumble to see if she can go to Mania.

Good promo from MVP and Lashley to further tease the return of Hurt Business. And while we got a great main event out of Lashley VS Theory, I could not believe Lesnar showed up to screw Lashley over again. I suppose Lesnar VS Lashley had to happen one more time to finish the series, but I thought it’d be more a WrestleMania thing than a Royal Rumble thing. But at the same time, if Lashley had won the title here, it’d be hard to give a reason for why Lesnar wouldn’t want the title. Well, the obvious reason is that Lesnar is so far above title, he just wants money for the big events. So whatever, we’ll get Lesnar VS Lashley Round 3, the final round, and Lashley will still have an open Mania card.

My Score: 8.7/10


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Coverage

Mitchell’s WWE Raw Results & Report! (3/18/24)

Talk about a Big Time Raw!

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Will The Man be the Last Woman Standing?

Becky Lynch and Nia Jax want to finally put this to an end, so tonight on Raw, it will be a Big Time Last Woman Standing match! Will the Irresistible Force force the WrestleMania 40 match to change?

OFFICIAL RESULTS

  • Undisputed WWE Tag Team Championship Ladder Match Qualifier: #DIY VS The Creed Brothers; DIY wins and advances to WrestleMania.
  • Candice LeRae & Indi Hartwell VS Kayden Carter & Katana Chance; Candice & Indi win.
  • Dominik Mysterio w/ JD McDonagh VS Ricochet; Ricochet wins.
  • Undisputed WWE Tag Team Championship Ladder Match Qualifier: The Awesome Truth VS Indus Sher; The Awesome Truth wins and advances to WrestleMania.
  • Undisputed WWE Tag Team Championship Ladder Match Qualifier: The New Day VS The Alpha Academy; The New Day wins and advances to WrestleMania.
  • Last Woman Standing: Becky Lynch VS Nia Jax; Becky wins.

PLAY BY PLAY

Jey Uso is here!

North Carolina State University fires up and bounces along with Main Event Jey, and Pat McAfee plays a dangerous game standing on the armchairs! From Bret VS Owen to Matt VS Jeff, we’re about to get Jey VS Jimmy in the third-ever Brother VS Brother WrestleMania grudge match! Jey gets the mic as fans chant “YEET! YEET! YEET!” Jey welcomes us to Monday Night Raw, and wants us to check this out. He knows his brothers are somewhere in the building. He knows The Bloodline’s in the building. He knows how the Bloodline rolls! SO Big Brother Jimmy, where you at?! Where you at, Uce!?

Jey waits for someone to show up somewhere, and the crowd spots them first! Fans boo as Jimmy & Solo make their way from the back of the stands. Jimmy gets a mic and goes to the apron while Solo paces around the outside. Fans chant “YEET! YEET! YEET!” again as Jey puts the sunglasses aside. The Usos stare each other down, the fans now chant “UCE! OH! UCE! OH!” Jey wants to say something, hesitates, but then says these two would always get to it but they always knew how to shake right back to this. But now it’s different. Regardless of what happened, the bad blood between them, Jey misses his brother. He does.

Jey knows Jimmy will say what he wants, but Jey doesn’t talk to him no more, doesn’t ride with him no more, doesn’t even see him no more! Jimmy can just come back. Jimmy says he never left! He protected Jey! Jey’s so dumb, he can’t see it! Jimmy is protecting Jey! It was Jey’s idea to leave The Bloodline, but Jimmy helped because he is Jey’s brother. So yeah, Jey leaves, and what happens? Lil’ Bro becomes the BIGGEST star on the Raw roster! Lil’ Bro becomes the top merch seller! Lil’ Bro goes off to become a tag team champion without Jimmy, but with CODY RHODES!? Who left who, Uce?

Jey forgot Jimmy! Everything Jey did that was big was cuz of Big Bro Jimmy! Everything! So listen loud and clear. The biggest moment in Jey’s career, the BIGGEST moment, is because of Jimmy! Jimmy stares Jey down, but Jey says no. Jey’s biggest moment in his career is going to be his dream match at WrestleMania 40: Jey VS Jimmy, and Jey knocks the yeet out Jimmy’s ass! Jey DECKS Jimmy, DECKS Solo off the apron, but then Jimmy SUPERKICKS Jey down! The fans boo but now Solo storms in and looms over Jey. Solo drags Jey up so Jimmy can look him in the face and tell him that Jey needs to get it right! JIMMY made Jey!

But here comes Cody Rhodes! The fans fire up as Cody DECKS Jimmy, then gets in to springboard and CODY CUTTER Solo!! The American Nightmare said he was gonna be a Bloodline Hunter, and he made sure they didn’t take out Jey! Cody tells The Bloodline it is only a matter of time before they lose it all at WrestleMania! Will Jey prove that younger or older doesn’t matter when he is the BETTER brother?

 

Adam Pearce is on the phone.

He’s telling Nick Aldis to stop being a hypocrite, telling Pearce to keep his roster in check when this is happening. But then Paul Heyman walks over and Pearce says he’ll call Aldis back. Pearce then asks Heyman what was all that, and Heyman says he owes Pearce an apology. He is sorry. That was not authorized by The Final Boss nor The Tribal Chief, and certainly not by Heyman. Jimmy & Solo went into business for themselves so Heyman apologizes. But listen, Pearce knows that there have been flight delays all day. Even private jets like theirs. Heyman is barely even dressed for TV, let alone has his make-up!

Pearce says those two were ready. Yeah, well, they got in on a different flight. But Roman Reigns is a chief of his word. Those two are already gone, out of the arena, and Pearce has Roman’s word. Call his bluff, put out a search party. Pearce knows Heyman is here on official business, which Heyman will handle, and then be gone. That is it. But when Heyman does his official business… everyone will be caught off guard. “And Mr. Pearce, sir, that’s not a prediction. That’s a spoiler.” The Wise Man heads out and calls Roman, but just what is Heyman teasing?

 

Undisputed WWE Tag Team Championship Ladder Match Qualifier: #DIY VS The Creed Brothers!

Unlike SmackDown’s mini-tournament, Raw and Adam Pearce say it’s win and you’re in! Tommaso Ciampa & Johnny Gargano want one more shot at Judgment Day, but so do Julius & Brutus! Will the Sicilian Psycho & Johnny Wrestling prove that when it comes to Mania Moments, you gotta do it yourself? Or will the Creeds be bringing golden tickets to the Diamond Mine?

Raw returns as The Creeds make their entrance. The teams fist bump to show respect, then the teams sort out. Julius starts against Ciampa, they circle and tie up. They’re in a deadlock, Ciampa goes for a waistlock but Julius facelocks. Julius wrangles Ciampa to the mat, flips him over, ONE, and Ciampa keeps moving. They trade facelocks, gator roll, and Julius gets another lateral press. ONE, but Julius gator rolls Ciampa around. Ciampa fights up, puts Julius on ropes, and the ref counts. Ciampa lets off, then CHOPS! Julius shoots in for the takedown! Julius has a leg, Ciampa fights but Julius turns him for the ANKLE LOCK!

Ciampa scrambles to the ROPEBREAK, and Julius lets off cleanly. Ciampa bails out, shakes it off, and he gets back in. They go again, Julius hits a fireman’s carry takeover! Tag to Brutus, and Julius feeds Ciampa to another fireman’s carry takeover! Brutus cording holds but Ciampa endures. Ciampa fights up, but Brutus facelocks. The fans rally as Brutus switches and rolls Ciampa. Ciampa fights up, headlocks, then ROCKS Brutus! Brutus DECKS Ciampa, then whips him to ropes. Ciampa ducks ‘n’ dodges, tag to Gargano! Ciampa slides, CHOPS, Gargano LARIATS and Ciampa JAWBREAKERS! Wrench and LARIAT!

Julius runs in, Gargano kicks and Ciampa gives him the boost for SLICED BREAD! The Creeds bail out, but DIY DOUBLE PLANCHA! Down go the Creeds, and DIY applaud and pat themselves on the back. The fans fire up and Raw goes to break.

Raw returns again and Ciampa has Julius in a chinlock. The fans rally, Julius fights up to throw body shots, but Ciampa hits a back suplex! Julius lands out of it, but Ciampa elbows him away. Ciampa drop toeholds Julius, gets legs, but Julius BOOTS Ciampa away! Hot tags to Gargano and Brutus! Brutus rallies on DIY, TOSSES Gargano, then blocks Ciampa’s kick to get under and POWERBOMB him! Brutus sees DIY regroup, then he runs in to SPLASH them both! O’Conner on Ciampa, but Gargano runs up! NORTHERN LIGHTS! Brutus has a DOUBLE BRIDGE, TWO!! Tag to Julius and he gut wrench SLAMS Brutus on Ciampa!

Brutus helps Julius flip up and over to SPLASH onto Ciampa! Cover, TWO! The fans rally up as Julius drags Ciampa up. Ciampa throat chops! A bit dirty but Ciampa wants that win! Ciampa storms up on Julius, but Julius basement stalling suplexes!! The fans are thunderous, Gargano runs in, but Brutus intercepts! Brutus suplexes Gargano now, stalls, and then the Creeds SLAM and kip up! Then they both STANDING MOONSAULT! Cover, TWO! Ciampa stays in this for DIY but the Creeds keep cool. Julius stomps Ciampa, tags Brutus, and they KNEE Ciampa around! Then they DOUBLE GUTBUSTER! Ciampa sputters but Brutus tags Julius in.

Julius drags Ciampa up, tags Brutus back in, and Brutus climbs. Julius Electric Chair Lifts, but Gargano makes the save! Gargano ROCKS Julius, Brutus ROCKS Gargano! Ciampa BOOTS Brutus, Gargano swings on Julius but is sent into Ciampa! Ciampa pushes Gargano back so he can ELBOW Julius! DIY set up again but Brutus stops the Sliced Bread! Julius DECKS Ciampa, KNEE into the WIDOWMAKER! Julius scrapes Gargano out, Brutus POUNCES Ciampa over the desk! Pat fires up with Brutus and so do the fans! The Creeds say they run this now, and then Brutus drags Ciampa up while Raw goes to break.

Raw returns again and Julius has Ciampa in a chinlock. Ciampa fights up, and he JAWBREAKERS free! Ciampa ELBOWS Brutus down, BOOTS Julius, then runs up, only for Julius to catch him and toss him back! But then Ciampa catches Julius for a REVERSE DDT! The fans fire up while both men are down and crawling! Hot tag to Gargano! Gargano slingshots to KICK Julius, then he CLOBBERS Brutus! ENZIGIRI for Julius, then he runs to DOUBLE KNEE Brutus! BULLDOG LARIAT COMBO! The fans fire up with Gargano while Julius ends up in another corner. Gargano runs in but is put on the apron!

Gargano GAMANGIRIS Julius, SUPERKICKS Brutus, then SLINGSHOT SPEARS Julius! Cover, TWO! Julius survives but Gargano puts him in a corner. Gargano CHOPS, then hoists Julius up top. Tag to Ciampa, Ciampa CHOPS Julius while Gargano DIVES onto Brutus! Ciampa CHOPS Julius again, goes up top, and fireman’s carries! Ciampa then tucks Julius in for the SUPER AIR RAID CRASH! Cover, TWO!! Julius survives again and shocks Ciampa! The fans are just as stunned, but Ciampa and Julius sit up. Ciampa stands, and he CHOPS! And CHOPS! Julius sits back up as Ciampa puts some stank on the CHOP!

Julius brings the straps down! Julius fires a forearm, Ciampa hits back, and the fans fire up as the shots keep going! They go faster and faster, harder and harder, meaner and meaner! The fans fire up as this just turns into a brawl of haymakers and SLAPS! Ciampa then gets around, ripcord and HAYMAKER! ROLLING- TACKLE from Julius! And then the ANKLE LOCK!! Ciampa reaches out, moves around, but Gargano runs up! Julius kicks him, then gets him up with one arm to POWERBOMB! Then it’s back to the ANKLE LOCK on Ciampa! Brutus gets in to get Gargano for an ANKLE LOCK of his own!

The fans are thunderous as DIY endures! Ciampa and Gargano fight, turn things over, SICILIAN CROSSFACE and GargaNO Escape!! The fans are thunderous as The Creeds power up and lift both DIY! They fireman’s carry, then TOSS DIY into each other!! The fans are thunderous as Julius goes up to MOONSAULT onto Ciampa! Brutus MOONSAULTS, too! Cover, TWO?!?! Ciampa survives and the fans are loving this! Julius tags back in, Brutus climbs up! “This is Awesome!” as Julius Electric Chair Lifts Ciampa! But Ciampa VICTORY ROLLS to get under the Brutus Ball!! Cover, Brutus tips it! Gargano TOSSES Brutus then SUPERKICKS Julius!! Ciampa has the cover, DIY WINS!!

Winners: DIY, by pinfall (advance to WrestleMania)

Julius can’t believe it! He kicked out at 3.1, but a loss is a loss! And for the first time ever, DIY is going to Mania! Will Philadelphia soon be historic for a DIY championship victory?

 

Judgment Day meets backstage.

Rhea Ripley is with Dominik Mysterio, Finn Balor & JD McDonagh, but also Andrade. Dom says he’s always liked Andrade’s style, but things have changed since the last time he was in the WWE. The Judgment Day runs Raw now. Rhea says yeah, and they don’t extend invitations to just anyone. Judgment Day is very exclusive. JD says very exclusive. But if Andrade continues to impress them, they’ll see about making things happen. And Finn says he just heard that Andrade has a match next week, so the Judgment Day will be watching him. Sounds good. See you next week. But then in steps Damian Priest.

The Punisher says hello to El Idolo, and El Idolo says hello to Senor Dinero. Andrade heads out, will he quite literally win his way into the club? But as for Priest, Finn asks him what he was up to. Priest was getting a closer look at that DIY VS Creeds match. DIY won, but whatever, they can handle those guys. But JD, they thought he could handle Ricochet last week, and run the gauntlet, and then go to WrestleMania to bring even more gold back to Judgment Day. JD says he did he belonged in there. But also, he battered Ricochet, who got lucky at the end there. Right, Finn? Finn hesitates, and Rhea says Priest is right on this one.

Ricochet made a fool out of JD! A fool? Yes. A fool? Yes. That’s why tonight, Dom will make it right. Right, Dom? Yeah, Mami. Let’s go talk to Pearce to make it official. Dom & JD head out, and the others are confident Dom’s got this. But does he, though? Or will the One and Only have two wins over Judgment Day in as many weeks?

 

Candice LeRae & Indi Hartwell VS Kayden Carter & Katana Chance!

The Poison Pixie certainly lived up to that name last week when she bullied Maxxine Dupri as part of beating her and Ivy Nile last week. Will Candice’s toxic tongue strike again? Or will the party not be stopped by her harsh vibes?

The teams sort out and Candice starts against Kayden. Candice rushes up, Kayden gets around and O’Conner Rolls, TWO! Kayden springboards to basement dropkick! Cover, TWO! Kayden stalks Candice, Candice ELBOWS her away then tags Indi. Kayden dodges Candice to SUPERKICK, but Indi BOOTS Kayden! Cover, TWO! Indi drags Kayden up, tags Candice back in, and they mug Kayden. Candice CLUBS away on Kayden, fires off furious fists, then covers. TWO, and Candice grows frustrated already. The fans rally, Candice steps up but Kayden avoids the senton! Tags to Katana and Indi! Katana blasts past Indi, comes back and BULLDOGS!

Katana keeps moving, ducks ‘n’ dodges, then SHOTGUNS Indi to a corner! The fans fire up as Katana stomps away on Indi! Indi shoves Katana, Katana runs corner to corner to A-LIST LARIAT! Katana shoves Indi down, runs up, but into a back suplex! Katana lands out, but her leg jams! The ref and Kayden check, then the ref keeps Indi back. Indi says okay, and she stays by Candice. But Candice tags in to WRECK Kayden! And she SLAMS Katana’s leg into the post!! HALF CRAB and DEEP! Katana taps, Candice & Indi win!

Winners: Candice LeRae & Indi Hartwell, by submission

Candice smiles and celebrates with Indi, but Indi doesn’t want to. Candice says a win is a win, but just what is going on in her toxic mind?

 

Cody Rhodes makes his way to the ring.

NC State fires up again as The American Nightmare walks down the ramp, and this time the fans can sing along with the song, “WHOA~ OH~!” Cody gets his pyro then gets the mic. “In less than three weeks time, I will stand opposed for the second year in a row, in the main event, with the lights on brightest, I will challenge for the WWE Undisputed Championship, against the greatest champion in all of sports, The Tribal Chief, Roman Reigns. And this Friday on SmackDown, Roman and I are going to have a little conversation, if you will. But there are… complications. Factors, elements, combustible elements, namely… The Rock.”

Fans boo but Cody says The Rock took to Instagram on Friday, and followed it up with “extremely entertaining” concert. Too bad The Rock didn’t wanna be here tonight. Something Cody took from the Instagram post: The Rock referred to himself as “Our Favorite Heel.” A bit of an inside term, but we’re not dumb, we know that means he’s the “bad guy.” Cody has known Heels. Bobby Heenan, Arn Anderson, Michael Hayes, “Superstar” Billy Graham, “The Nature Boy” Ric Flair! Fans “WOO~” and Cody says he doesn’t think The Rock is a Heel. He’s just an assh*le. The fans go nuts hearing that!

Cody doesn’t want Rock getting upset, he doesn’t want the “seven bucks team” to get upset, he doesn’t want anyone getting emotional. Cody knows how Rock feels about emotions, he poked fun at Cody tearing up at discussing “finishing the story” with good friend, Michael Cole. There’s no crying in pro-wrestling, Jimmy Dugan, we get it. But hasn’t The Rock been crying behind the scenes this whole time? Once that hashtag came out, once fans chanted something else, The Rock cried to his buddies on the TKO board and said “Hey, this is gonna be some good PR for The Rock! I need to save WWE!” God knows, look at this house. They sure needed “saving,” huh?

The fans cheer but Cody says Rock wanted great PR. Until it wasn’t. TKO said OMG yes, put on the Gucci shirt, get those muscles looking big. It’s because they are Yes People, they are enablers, they won’t dare tell The Rock like it is, so Cody’s going to. Cody tells The Rock, “You’re a lot of things. You’re a lot of wonderful things. You are the Braham Bull, you are The Great One.” Cody still has shoes with The Rock’s logo on it! The Rock is the only guy Cody honestly feels is a Mount Rushmore wrestler. But he is also a terrible salesman, a carny succubus, and for those who don’t get what that means, The Rock is “a whiny b*tch!”

Fans lose their minds again but Cody says The Rock has been convinced otherwise. But don’t think that for two seconds this locker room needs The Rock more than The Rock needs it! That’s a rule of wrestling, nobody is bigger than the business! And sure, Cody brought up his mom, so it is fair game for The Rock to use that. But Cody knows The Rock’s mom. Here’s what Cody will tell us about The Rock’s mom. She is a wonderful lady, salt of the earth, she helped Cody chop Kevin in a dark match. Cody has nothing but respect for The Rock’s mom, something The Rock should’ve echoed back towards Cody’s mom.

But see, The Rock was talking about whipping Cody, handing a bloody weight belt to Cody’s mom, and normally someone as powerful as The Rock, Mama Rhodes would tremble. But The Rock doesn’t know Cody’s mom. Cody was more scared than she was, because she ain’t scared of nothing. This is the same woman who once jumped out of her chair at a Willie Nelson concert and beat up an undercover cop! She ain’t afraid of The Rock! Cody has been asked, April 6th, biggest tag match of all time, Rock & Roman VS Cody & Seth. Seth Rollins, the World Heavyweight Champion, a man The Rock should respect because that man has carried The Rock’s company!

How will Cody get past that match? How will April 7th look? Will it be a fair fight? Cody can tell us honestly… He doesn’t know. Cody does not know if it will be Bloodline Rules or not. Hell, he might not #FinishTheStory. “But Dwayne… What do you know? How can you be so sure of your own self, right?” The Rock hasn’t been in the ring in real action in years! April 6th, the bell is gonna ring, and what happens then? Is The Rock gonna bring The Great One, the hero we all had growing up? Is he bringing that #BigDwayneEnergy? Or is it gonna be LDS, Little D*ck Syndrome?! The fans chant “L D S! L D S!”

Cody says The Rock has referred to himself as The Final Boss. Kudos for that nickname, maybe he really is that. Maybe Cody is too naive to see it. But at WrestleMania, Cody doesn’t think The Rock will be The Final Boss. At WrestleMania, he’s just Roman’s side chick. But then ladies and gentlemen, his name is Paul Heyman, and he serves as The Wise Man to Your Tribal Chief, the reigning! Defending! Undisputed! WWE Universal Heavyweight Champion, Roman… Reigns! And as Special Counsel to the Bloodline, Heyman is here to say to Cody that the ideals that Cody and Heyman share are far greater than the interests on which they conflict.

By example, don’t you hate it when someone comes out to demand an apology? Not that Cody’s done that, but Heyman is still going to do that. Heyman came out here with some “friends” of his, and he apologized. For a Wise Man, that was pretty freakin’ stupid. One: because it didn’t work. Two: because it was just dumb. And for that, Cody, to you and the fans, Heyman humbly apologizes. Cody says whoa, whoa, whoa. He didn’t ask for an apology, and he certainly knows Heyman wants permission to be in the ring. Heyman is a Hall of Famer starting this year, if he wants into the ring, be Cody’s guest.

Heyman thanks Cody for that but he’s fine on the apron. He carries with him a message from The Tribal Chief, Roman Reigns. Talk about Heels… You may think of Heyman anything negative you want, and that might be understanding the obvious. Heyman is not trustworthy, but Roman is a chief of his word. Heyman assures that this Friday on SmackDown, Roman will be face to face with Cody. American Nightmare, Tribal Chief, challenger and champion. And when they are face to face, there will not be a single other member of The Bloodline in sight. Except for Heyman, but he is no physical threat.

Heyman holds the title belt, the beads, whispers things in Roman’s ear, such as his love and respect. But Cody has Roman’s word that if he shows up on SmackDown, Roman will show up alone. Cody says Roman shows up alone, no Bloodline outside of Heyman, it’s a deal. They good? Heyman has some jet lag, he forgot one little point. And don’t boo him, he’s talking to Cody! Cody says yes they’re booing, and he’s about to go full Homelander and rip Heyman’s throat out if he doesn’t get to the point. Fans like the reference. Heyman composes himself and says if Roman Reigns shows up alone this Friday on SmackDown, then Cody must show up to SmackDown alone, too.

Cody steps closer to Heyman and Heyman is a bit nervous. Cody tells Heyman, “Deal!” They shake hands, and Heyman smiles. The Wise Man negotiated a purely one-on-one meeting between his Tribal Chief and American Nightmare, but can we trust Heyman was telling the truth about Roman telling the truth?

 

Nia Jax speaks.

“You know what I’ve realized? Becky Lynch has never beaten me. And after tonight, she never will. Because after I break her face again, I will be taking her spot at WrestleMania. I will finish business with Rhea Ripley, and not only will I walk out the Last Woman Standing, but I will become Women’s World Champion.” The Irresistible Force is ready for the Big Time, but will she A-Nia-late her?

 

Cody Rhodes returns backstage.

And Jey says there he go! But real quick, Cody can’t be going to SmackDown alone. Cody says he gave them his word. But The Bloodline isn’t gonna play fair! They’re all gonna be there! If Cody needs Jey, Jeys’ got him. Cody hears that, but he knows what he’s dealing with. They shake hands and Jey heads out. Will Cody be able to have that fair, one-on-one meeting? Or does Jey have a point about The Bloodline?

 

Dominik Mysterio w/ JD McDonagh VS Ricochet!

It seems Pearce agreed to the idea that Dirty Dom should try and clean up The Irish Ace’s mess. Will Dom be able to get revenge on Ricochet? Or will Ricochet be the One and Only person holding their head high tonight?

Raw returns and Dom has made his entrance. The bell rings, Dom and Ricochet circle, and they tie up. Ricochet waistlocks, Dom fights the lift and grabs ropes. The ref counts, Ricochet lets off, but Dom ELBOWS him away! Dom fires hands, soaks up the heat, then storms up, but into haymakers! Ricochet CHOPS, kicks then flexes on Dom. Ricochet whips, Dom reverses, but Ricochet goes up and over. Ricochet ducks ‘n’ dodges to then handspring back elbow! The fans fire up while Dom bails out! JD is there to coach Dom up, but Ricochet runs in! JD gets Dom to safety, but Ricochet handsprings to hero land!

The fans fire up, Ricochet then goes to ropes to TORNILLO PLANCHA! Direct hit on Dom and Ricochet tells JD to back off. Ricochet puts Dom in, Dom distracts the ref, but JD grabs Ricochet’s leg! Ricochet kicks JD away, but then Dom WRECKS Ricochet with a dropkick! Dom soaks up the heat and Raw goes to break.

Raw returns again and Dom has Ricochet up top. Dom climbs but Ricochet throws body shots! The fans rally behind Ricochet as he sends Dom staggering. Ricochet hops down as Dom comes running back, and Ricochet GAMANGIRIS him away! Ricochet then springboards, but Dom trips him up! Ricochet flops to the mat, then Dom kicks and FACEBUSTERS! Cover, TWO! Ricochet is still in this and JD argues the count. Dom looms over Ricochet, scuffs him around, then mockingly cheers him on. Fans boo but Dom brings Ricochet up. Dom gives some Latino Heat, then suplexes! Uno Amigo, but fans boo.

Dom gets Ricochet up but Ricochet suplexes Dom instead! And then fireman’s carry, DYNAMITE KICK! Cover, TWO! Dom is still in this and JD coaches him but the fans rally for Ricochet. Ricochet stands, storms up on Dom, but Dom shoots around to roll him up! With tights! TWO, Ricochet blocks a kick and KICKS Dom down! Ricochet hurries up top, the fans fire up, but Ricochet has to bail out of the 450 as Dom moves! Dom runs in again, but into a SUPERKICK! JD gets on the apron, so Ricochet triangle jump DROPKICKS! But then Dom DROPKICKS Ricochet onto ropes! Dom dials it up but Ricochet ducks!

Dom spins around, into the RECOIL!! Cover, Ricochet wins!

Winner: Ricochet, by pinfall

But then JD runs in! Ricochet dodges, goes up and around, BOOTS JD away, then BOOTS him again! Ricochet even flips up and out of the ring at the same time! Ricochet gets the better of Judgment Day again, just how disappointed is Mami going to be in her Latino Heat this time?

 

Sami Zayn is backstage.

He finds Chad Gable and wants to talk with him. Last week’s match, that was an honor. Sami hasn’t been pushed like that in a long time, it could’ve gone either way. Gable says yeah, it was great. Thanks. Is Gable alright? Yeah, he’s fine. Kinda feels like not… Gable says he’s fine, so leave it at that. C’mon, man, how many years have they known each other? Sami knows when something’s bothering Gable, so he should just say it. Gable says look, last week, the WrestleMania opportunity, the whole thing, it just meant more to him. Sami says he’s been hearing Gable say that for weeks, and it is really unfair.

Does Gable really think he’s the only one this title opportunity matters to? Sami has a family, too! Sami’s kid cries when Papa loses a match, too. Sami has people he’s let down and is trying to make proud. After all the years put into this, Gable can’t tell Sami what matters more because he doesn’t know Sami like that. Gable has Sami calm down, and says he knows all that. But it isn’t all about that. Then what is all this? Gable says Sami can’t beat Gunther. Gable then leaves, and Sami is at a loss for words. Is this bitter side of Gable only going to get worse as we go down this Road to WrestleMania?

 

Adam Pearce is in the ring.

Raw returns with the GM by a table, and he welcomes us to a contract signing to make official the Intercontinental Heavyweight Championship for WrestleMania! The fans cheer, and Pearce introduces first, the challenger, Sami Zayn! The Great Liberator makes his entrance and the fans sing along with his song. Sami still looks troubled by what Gable said just moments ago, but he still high-fives fans and gets in the ring. Then Pearce introduces the longest reigning Intercontinental Champion of all time, Der Ring General, GUNTHER! The fans boo as Gunther walks in, having reached Day 647!

Gunther smiles as Sami watches him make his way down the ramp and into the ring. Pearce says we know how this works, but Gunther says before we proceed, let us call this what it is: the most important contract signing for the most important match in the history of this championship. And why, why, why is the challenger dressed no better than any of the bums in the audience? Fans boo but Sami just shrugs that off. Sami gets a mic to say that Gunther keeps sitting there all smug, and it’s really starting to piss Sami off. Gunther thinks this is just another day at the office, that he’ll steamroll through Sami like any other contender.

But with all respect to Gunther, he really has. He has beaten everyone that has come his way, and has done it on his own. Gunther doesn’t believe Sami can do it. A lot of people didn’t believe Sami at many points in his career. They didn’t believe he’d even make it to WWE, let alone win championships and main event a WrestleMania. And if you ask The Usos, they didn’t believe Sami would be one of the guys to end the longest tag title reign in WWE history, but he did! And one year later, he will make history again by ending the longest Intercontinental title reign in WWE history! Sami signs his part and pushes the contract over to Gunther.

The fans cheer Sami on but Gunther waits it out. Gunther tells Sami, what Sami should do is listen to his new friend, Gable. Gable doesn’t believe Sami can win. The people here cheer Sami, they probably even love Sami. But even they don’t believe Sami can win. And y’know, when Gunther looks Sami in the eyes, and if Sami was honest with himself, even Sami doesn’t believe he can win. So what Sami is doing right now is standing on Gunther’s doorstep and begging him to get the beating of a lifetime on the Grandest Stage of Them All! So whatever Sami has to do, from training to believing, just keep doing that. Because at WrestleMania, Sami’s dreams will meet reality.

Gunther grins and signs his part, and it is now official! Gunther then stands, title on his shoulder, and takes his leave. The fans boo, but then Sami tells Gunther to wait. Gunther steps back inside to hear Sami as Sami turns around. Gunther looks in Sami’s eyes and believes Sami doesn’t believe? Sami stands to get in Gunther’s face and dares him to look again. Get a good long look, because these are the eyes of the man who will take you down at Mania! The fans fire up, and now Sami leaves first. Gunther still just grins, but will Sami use a Helluva Kick to wipe that smile off his face?

We follow Sami as he storms backstage, right past DIY and The Awesome Truth. Truth asks what’s up with Sami, but The Miz says that is the mindset of WrestleMania right there. That’s what they need. DIY wishes Awesome Truth luck. Awesome Truth knows DIY is into the ladder match, and they are gonna have their own qualifier. Miz & Truth just need to beat… Indus Sher. Jinder Mahal tells Veer & Sanga to warm up for the match. They head out, and Truth says he feels sorry for whoever has to face those guys. Miz stares at Truth, and he has DIY hold off. Miz will explain. The Awesome Truth heads to gorilla, their match is next!

Undisputed WWE Tag Team Championship Ladder Match Qualifier: The Awesome Truth VS Indus Sher w/ Jinder Mahal!

Miz wants a remix of the theme song but Truth says to just follow his lead. NC State knows what’s up, but will the Awesome Truth finally reach the top of the tag division 13 years after they first teamed? We’ll see, after the break!

Raw returns as Indus Sher makes their entrance, the Modern Day Maharaja by their side. The teams sort out and Truth starts against Sanga. The fans echo “WHAT’S UP?!” but Sanga roars! Truth is scared now so he tags Miz. Truth fires Miz up, Miz runs up and dodges Sanga to fire off haymakers! Miz kicks, whips, but Sanga blocks! Sanga whips and CLOBBERS Miz! Jinder nods as Sanga then scoops Miz and brings him over. Veer tags in, Sanga SLAMS Miz, then Veer ELBOW DROPS! Indus Sher say “NAMASTE!” but the fans say “WHAT’S UP!?” with Truth. Veer HIP DROPS Miz, then looms over him.

Veer eggs Miz on, drags him up with shoulder claws, and then steps over Miz for the neck wrench! Miz endures as Veer still digs a claw into his shoulder. The fans rally for Miz, Miz fights up and throws body shots! Miz reaches out but Veer knees low! Veer SHOVES Miz to the corner, runs in, but Miz BOOTS! Miz ELBOWS Sanga, but Veer catches him! Veer puts Miz back int he corner, but Miz ducks the boot to tag Truth! Truth dodges Veer and starts up the shoulder tackles! Truth gets around Veer to SPIN-OUT BOMB! The fans fire up as Truth shouts out Cena with “You Can’t See Me!” Truth runs to Five Knuckle Shuffle!

Jinder is not happy now as Truth fireman’s carries! But Veer slips free! Truth drop toeholds to the STF!! The fans fire up but Sanga stomps Truth! Miz fires off kicks on Sanga, then body shots! Truth joins in, they mug and whip Sanga, to DOUBLE DROPKICK! Sanga staggers around, Veer runs up, but into a full nelson! Truth and Miz combine for a SKULL CRUSHING LIE DETECTOR!! But Sanga whips Miz away! Miz WRECKS Jinder with it, but Sanga runs up! Sanga knocks Miz down, Miz anchors Sanga, Sanga ELBOWS Truth, Truth falls onto Veer for the cover! Awesome Truth wins!!

Winners: The Awesome Truth, by pinfall (advance to WrestleMania)

The fans fire up, and Truth doesn’t even realize what happened! Miz celebrates with Truth and Truth puts it together! They’re now one of the six in the ladder match! Will this combination of teamwork and luck be just what they need to take those titles from Judgment Day?

 

Sami confronts Gable now.

Sami tells Gable to tell him why. Why what? Why does Gable think Sami can’t beat Gunther? Well you just saw why! With Gunther, it isn’t just physical, it is mental. Sami made his career out of being the underdog that crawls his way out of any hole he’s in, right? Just like last week! Sami found the window of opportunity to get out of a bad situation any time he can. Gunther’s on a different level! You gonna sit and wait for that window to appear? It doesn’t happen with Gunther! He’s a different beast, a different animal. If Sami doesn’t change his mentality, then he can’t beat Gunther. Gable leaves Sami with a lot to think again. Is there a way Sami can change enough to defeat Der Ring General?

 

CM Punk speaks.

“Do I plan at being in WrestleMania? WrestleMania is in Philadelphia, what’re the first four letters in Philadelphia? Phil. You can’t have WrestleMania Philadelphia without Phil. Whether I’m invited or uninvited, Punk will be there.” And next week in Chicago, Punk returns to Raw! Will the Second City Saint find a way to be part of the biggest WrestleMania ever?

 

Drew McIntyre is here!

The Scottish Terminator, or as his new shirt says, “The Savior of WrestleMania,” makes his way to the ring, NC State a bit torn about seeing him. But then Seth Rollins is here, too!? McIntyre is upset but the fans sing along, “WHOA~ OH~ OHH~!” as The Visionary struts his way out. Rollins swaggers right past McIntyre in his green storm pattern suit, and steps into the ring first. McIntyre frowns as he follows Rollins in, and sits in a corner. The fans continue to sing, which Rollins revels in for a moment. Rollins has the mic to then say, “RALEIGH, NORTH CAROLINA~! Welcome to Monday Night Rollins~!

“And Drew, hah, sorry, I didn’t even see you there. I was too busy, uh, y’know, soaking up the spotlight, right?” McIntyre has a mic to say, “Alright, here we go.” Here goes what, Drew? McIntyre says no, no, get it all out of your system, he knows Rollins has more! McIntyre can stay in the back while Rollins enjoys the spotlight, because after WrestleMania, that spotlight’s all McIntyre’s. Hey, hey, c’mon. Rollins is here with an honest cause. Rollins doesn’t like McIntyre, he thinks he’s stupid, a hypocrite, has said a lot of dumb things lately, but Rollins is here to admit that one thing McIntyre said is absolutely right and he wants to say it to McIntyre’s face, right here in Raleigh, in front of the fine people.

Now, they always say the first step to recovery is the hardest, so bare with Rollins. He has been working on this all week, but… “My name is Seth Freakin’ Rollins, and I’m a spotlight junkie.” The fans chant “Spotlight Junkie!” and also sing, but McIntyre says everything is just a joke to Rollins, isn’t it? Look at Rollins! He’s a parody of himself at this point. But honestly, McIntyre doesn’t care. He tried reasoning, he gave the answers, and now he only cares about their match and the world title. And you wanna know the real punchline, funny man? “What?” McIntyre says they say that because they’re happy McIntyre sidelined Punk, thanks for remembering!

But the punchline is when McIntyre beats Rollins for that title. The fans chant for “C M PUNK!” but McIntyre says don’t be ridiculous. Punk’s waiting until next week to return because he’d never show up in a place like Raleigh. The fans boo but McIntyre says see, they’re booing Punk! Punk is only getting off his couch to be at his local arena. Rollins tells McIntyre to shut up already. Oh, seems McIntyre got Rollins’ attention. Rollins takes off the sunglasses to say yeah, McIntyre has his attention. Because this isn’t a joke! When Rollins says he is a junkie, it isn’t a joke! He’s been doing this for 20 YEARS! Just like McIntyre!

And every time Rollins comes out of the curtain, that’s his fix. And it gets better and better every single time. Rollins comes out here, lays it all on the line, and it just gets better and better! When he hears the fans sing the song so loud, Rollins can barely speak, “WHOA~ OH~ OHH~!” That’s Rollins’ fix! That is the spotlight he craves, and y’know what? Rollins wants the spotlight as bright as it can possibly be. So yeah, McIntyre’s been busy online entertaining people with memes, so he hasn’t been listening to Rollins. So Rollins will get this through McIntyre’s thick skull: Night One, Rollins takes the biggest star in Hollywood and his side chick, and makes them his b*tches!

Then on Night Two, the biggest spotlight possible will be shined down on McIntyre and Rollins and the World Heavyweight Championship! McIntyre says all hail the savior, Seth Rollins! This is what McIntyre wanted! The passion and desire, not the stupid laughing and dancing. Rollins had McIntyre all the way to the finish. Rollins has done this 20 years, just like McIntyre. They’ve given their lives to this industry, and that is what the title is about! The wrestlers’ title, the workhorse championship! Rollins had McIntyre with him until he mentioned the bigger spotlight and how Rollins pins one of the biggest stars in the world.

Why can’t it just be about Rollins’ hard work to make that title, and all of McIntyre’s hard work to get this chance? Why can’t that be the reason they’re getting the biggest spotlight!? Rollins has had his priorities all backwards, McIntyre has been giving him all the answers. McIntyre said he is over the BS, and all he cares about is Rollins making it to the ring on Night Two. And if Rollins can’t walk, then McIntyre will wheel him down. If not, McIntyre will carry Rollins down. At Mania, McIntyre doesn’t get the moment he deserves. He gets the moment he has bloody EARNED. The fans do cheer that!

Rollins smirks and says, “Ah, Drew. There it is. That’s right, you wanna call me a spotlight junkie, but you want the spotlight just as bad as I do, don’t you? You’re an addict, just like I am. And you’ve been begging for spotlight for the past four years, because you won the WrestleMania main event. You did, back in 2020, in an empty warehouse. And all we’ve been hearing from Drew McIntyre for the past four years was how that wasn’t good enough. You’ve been whining and complaining and bitching and moaning that you deserve better, that you deserve more. The problem is, Drew, when everybody came back around, and the lights got bright again, what happened? You fumbled the ball.

“And that’s the difference between you and me. When the lights are the brightest, I shine, baby. I shine bright. And at WrestleMania 40, the lights are gonna be as bright as they have ever been. And you are gonna find out you are not as good as you think you are.” Rollins drops the mic, but this time McIntyre smirks. The verbal battle continues, but who will put their money where their mouth is once this one finally happens?

 

Becky Lynch speaks.

“I’m a wanted woman, and I don’t even have the title. Yet. But we’re less than three weeks away from WrestleMania, so why would I risk it all? Because I don’t know anything else. All I know is taking risks. All I know is fighting. And all I know is tonight, I’m gonna be the Last Woman Standing.” Becky is fired up to finally do what she hasn’t done in the most extreme way possible. Will she be the immovable object to Nia’s irresistible force?

 

Undisputed WWE Tag Team Championship Ladder Match Qualifier: The New Day VS The Alpha Academy!

Kofi Kingston & Xavier Woods have been W, W, E, World, Tag, Team, CHAMPIONS~, but they’ve never been a part of a title match as big as this Six Pack Ladder challenge! Will they look to be part of history once again? Or will Akira Tozawa & Otis say “A THANK YEW~!” for this golden opportunity?

Raw returns as the Academy makes their entrance. The teams sort out and Woods starts against the tree trunk, Otis. The fans rally for “NEW! DAY ROCKS!” Otis and Woods tie up, but Woods kicks low then headlocks. Otis powers up and out then runs Woods over! Otis storms up on Woods, GUT RAMS him back down, then brings him back up. Otis GUT RAMS Woods again, then runs to CLOBBER Woods! Otis swivels his hips, the fans echo “Oh~ yeah!” Otis tags Tozawa and the Academy mugs Woods. Tozawa brings Woods around but Woods CHOPS! Woods tags Kofi, he and Kofi double whip Tozawa but Tozawa holds ropes!

Tozawa fires hands, dodges Woods then BOOTS Woods down! Kofi kicks low, whips Tozawa to a corner, but Tozawa BOOTS Kofi away! Tozawa goes up to FLYING RANA! The fans fire up as Tozawa sees New Day regroup outside. Tozawa runs to DIVE! Direct hit on both New Day, and Otis joins in for “A THANK YEW~!” The Academy stands tall as Raw goes to break.

Raw returns again and Tozawa fights a chinlock. Tozawa reaches for Otis but Woods back suplexes. Tozawa lands out to then DROPKICK Woods down! The fans rally as Woods and Tozawa crawl, hot tags to Otis and Kofi! Otis CLOBBERS Kofi, CLOBBERS him again, then whips him to ropes. WRECKER ELBOW! Woods runs in, Otis dodges, to LARIAT! Otis sees Kofi leap off the corner, and catches him for a WORLD’S STRONGEST SLAM! Otis rips the shirt off, winds up the hips, and then starts up the CATERPILLAR! ELBOW DROP! Cover, TWO! Kofi survives but Otis hurries to step on him! Tag to Tozawa, and Otis goes up!

Otis VADER BOMBS but FLOPS as Kofi moves! Tozawa hurries up top while Kofi SUPERKICKS Otis! Kofi turns around into the CROSSBODY from Tozawa! Cover, TWO! Tozawa SUPERKICKS Kofi but Woods tags in! Woods GAMANGIRIS Tozawa, then steps in to TORNADO DDT! Cover, TWO! Tozawa toughs it out but Woods grits his teeth as he goes to the corner. Woods climbs, but Tozawa rises! Tozawa throws body shots, Woods CLUBS Tozawa! Tozawa throws more hands and climbs up! The fans rally as they brawl up top! Tozawa brings Woods up but Woods fights the lift! Woods throws body shots in return!

Woods shifts position to get under Tozawa for a fireman’s carry! But then Tozawa pops up to SUPER STEINER!! Tozawa rips off his shirt, climbs back up top, SUPER SENTON!! Cover, Kofi breaks it! The fans fire up but Otis drags Kofi out! Otis whips Kofi at steps, Kofi goes up and jumps off the steps to TORNADO DDT to the floor! Kofi hurries back up to the apron but Tozawa SCREW HIGH KICKS him down! Tozawa dodges Woods, pop-up, but Woods blocks the rana to then SPINNING POWERBOMB! Woods sees the WrestleMania sign, hurries up the corner, and he tightrope walks! LIMIT BREAK ELBOW!! Cover, New Day wins!

Winners: The New Day, by pinfall (advance to WrestleMania)

The New Day are the ones saying A THANK YEW~ as they put their names down for the Six Pack Ladder Match! Will they once again climb to the top of the WWE Tag Team Division and bring home those championships?

 

Liv Morgan confronts Becky Lynch.

Becky asks if she’ll have to watch out for Liv as well. Well, you should always #WatchMe, but no, not tonight. Nia is all Becky’s. Liv just wants Becky to kick Nia’s ass. Liv leaves, will Becky kick ass and then some?

 

Cody walks with his dog, Pharaoh, backstage.

Rollins finds him and brings up Friday. One on one? One on one. Rollins nods and says he loves Pharaoh’s bandanna. The Visionary trusts the American Nightmare can handle himself, but will we be able to trust The Tribal Chief?

 

Last Woman Standing: Becky Lynch VS Nia Jax!

From the origins of “The Man” in WWE to the aftermath of Elimination Chamber: Perth, these two have battled, but never as brutally as this! They’re able to go anywhere and do anything, but who will be the Last Woman Standing this close to WrestleMania 40?

The bell rings and the two rush in! Becky DROPKICKS Nia and Nia goes to a corner. Becky runs in but Nia puts Becky on the apron. Becky ROCKS Nia, goes up a corner, then leaps to MISSILE DROPKCIK! Nia stumbles and tumbles out of the ring, so Becky WRECKS her with another dropkick! Becky then goes to the apron for a FLYING FOREARM! Nia stays up, Becky tries again, but Nia dodges! Fireman’s carry and Nia POSTS Becky, to then SAMOAN DROP her into barriers! The ref counts as Becky is down, but she stands at 4 of 10. Nia CLOBBERS Becky and wants the count! The count climbs but Nia is impatient.

Nia clears off the desk, Becky stands at 5 of 10, and she leans against barriers. Becky comes back with body shots and haymakers, but Nia ROCKS her with a forearm! Becky staggers away as Raw goes to break!

Raw returns and Becky is bringing out a table! The fans fire up as Becky sets that up ringside. There’s been a lot of chaos during the break according to commentary, from chairs to kendo sticks to even a copy of Becky’s book, The Man: Not Your Average Average Girl! But Nia storms over to stop Becky and SMACK her off the desk! Nia puts Becky in the ring, takes that table for her own and sets it up. The table doesn’t cooperate and fans boo, but Nia goes for chairs instead. She slides those in the ring, Becky manages to stand at 7 of 10, and she grabs at those chairs. Nia ditches the table, it just doesn’t wanna work.

Nia storms in but Becky JAMS her with a chair, SMACKS her with it, then clinches! Nia fights the slam, fireman’s carries Becky, and FULL METAL SAMOAN DROPS!! Becky writhes from hitting chairs but Nia looms over her. Nia soaks up the heat as she counts along. Becky flounders to ropes and drags herself up at 7! Nia sits a chair up, fans want a table, but Nia scoops Becky. Becky slips around to a SLEEPER! Nia RAMS Becky into buckles again and again until Becky lets go. But then Becky BULLDOGS Nia off the chair! Nia is down for the count now, and Becky leans against ropes to stay up herself.

Nia stirs at 5, stands at 8, but Becky is up top! Becky leaps, into a CHAIR SHOT! Nia SMACKS Becky again and again and again! The fans boo but Nia finally stops. Nia puts that chair aside and goes out to get some kendo sticks! Nia puts those in, but Becky grabs one! Nia snatches it from her to SMACK! And SMACK! And SMACK! Becky sputters and staggers, Nia clinches and scoops! Nia SLAMS Becky onto chairs! Then Nia runs to drop the leg, brother! Nia wants the count and the count begins! Becky sputters as we reach 5 of 10. Becky grabs that kendo stick but Nia SMACKS Becky with a chair! And again!

Nia kicks Becky around, then uses the chair to take a seat on Becky’s body!! The fans boo as the count begins, but Becky SMACKS Nia with the kendo stick! And again and again and again, even in the butt! Nia stands up, into more shots! Becky stands and she fires away until Nia scurries out of the ring! Becky pursues but Nia CLOBBERS her! Nia pulls the steel steps apart now, and takes that top half to RAM Becky down! Becky flounders, Nia hauls her up and puts her in the ring. Becky’s on the apron and Nia takes aim! Nia runs up, APRN LEG DROP only gets apron! Becky avoids disaster, then has Nia by the steps! DDT onto the steel!

Nia is down again and the count begins. Nia stirs at 5 of 10, sits up at 6, but Becky SMACKS her off steps! Nia falls over again and the count resets. Becky hurries to go looking for things while Nia rises again. Becky has a new table! The fans fire up as Becky gets that in the ring. Nia stands at 7, staggers after Becky, and Raw goes back to break.

Raw returns once again and Nia mugs Becky against barriers! Nia puts Becky on a table, and surprise! There’s a ladder set up now! Nia climbs the ladder?! She also demands Pat support the ladder. But Becky gets off the table so now Nia has no reason to be up there. Nia storms after Becky, but gets a FIRE EXTINGUISHER BLAST!! The fans fire up as Becky cools Nia off, then JAMS her with the canister! Becky puts Nia in the ring, and there’s a table waiting in a corner! Becky lines up the shot, and runs in, but Nia SAMOAN DROPS Becky through the table!!! Both women are down in the wreckage and the count begins!

Nia flounders away from the wreckage but she still needs to stand. Nia is up at 5, and she isn’t satisfied with this! She drags Becky all the way to another corner and puts her in the drop zone! Nia climbs up, for the A-NIA-LATOR!! Nia shouts for the count, the count begins, and Nia storms around as she points to the Mania sign. Becky is still down at 5 of 10, only starts stirring at 7, and she slumps out of the ring to stand up! Nia is furious, goes out after Becky, and kicks things aside to keep after her. Nia asks if Becky’s vision is blurry. Nia fireman’s carries Becky up the steel steps and along the apron, aiming for that other table!

The fans freak out but Becky fights with elbows! Becky CLUBS away on Nia and the fans are thunderous! Becky then clinches, for a MANHANDLE SLAM through the table!!! Both women are down int he wreckage again, and the count begins! Becky sits up at 4 while fans are still losing their minds! We pass 5 of 10, then 7! Nia sits up at 8 and stands at 9! But then she slumps back over! The count starts again, Nia flounders around and stands at 5. Becky goes up the ladder! Becky sees Nia approaching the desk, and then SUPER MAN’S LEG DROP through the desk!!! The fans lose their minds again while both men are down in more wreckage!

The count is 5 of 10! Becky flounders and crawls, drags herself up at 9, but Nia is still down! BECKY WINS!!

Winner: Becky Lynch

The Man conquers truly one of the most intense challenges in her career! But then here comes one of the most intense champions! The fans fire up as Rhea Ripley makes her way out, Women’s World Championship in hand. She goes right to the ring and looks at Becky. Rhea “congratulates” Becky for winning, but then Becky gets in Rhea’s face! The fans fire up, and now there are no obstacles in the way of Mami VS The Man! Who will be the champion after WrestleMania 40?


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Mitchell’s NJPW New Japan Cup Results & Report! (3/18/24)

The semifinals are here!

Published

on

We’re just one step away from the Cup!

Cold Skull faces The Fierce Warrior, and Gene Blast faces The King of Darkness, and when the smoke clears, we will have our New Japan Cup finalists!

OFFICIAL RESULTS

  • Boltin Oleg & Shoma Kato VS Zack Sabre Jr. & Mikey Nicholls; ZSJ & Mikey win.
  • Six Man Tag: El Desperado, Tomohiro Ishii & Togi Makabe VS Just5Guys; Just5Guys win.
  • Tanga Loa & Ryusuke Taguchi VS Great-O-Khan & Callum Newman; Loa & Taguchi win.
  • Six Man Tag: YOSHI-HASHI, Toru Yano & Hiroyoshi Tenzan VS Bullet Club; Bullet Club wins.
  • 8 Man Tag: Shota Umino, El Phantasmo, Hikuleo & YOH VS The House of Torture; Shota, ELP, Leo & Yoh win.
  • Six Man Tag: Los Ingobernables de Japon VS The United Empire; LIJ wins.
  • 2024 New Japan Cup Semifinals: Yota Tsuji VS EVIL; Tsuji wins and advances to the finals.
  • 2024 New Japan Cup Semifinals: SANADA VS Hirooki Goto; Goto wins and advances to the finals.

PLAY BY PLAY

2024 New Japan Cup Semifinals: Yota Tsuji VS EVIL w/ Dick Togo!

The Gene Blast overcame the tricks Ren Narita tried, but that’s because the House of Torture was saving all the good stuff so they could slay the Rampaging Dragon. Will the deck be even more stacked to make sure Everything is Evil’s? Or will Yota be one step away from LIJ VS LIJ at Sakura Genesis?

Well, Dick is making his way out here, but where is Evil? Oh, there he is. No tricks just yet it seems. But then Yota DIVES onto Evil! The fans fire up but Dick attacks Yota! Dick whips, Yota stops himself, and then scoops Dick for a BACKBREAKER! The fans fire up and Yota wants the bell. The ref says yes, ring the bell, and this is on the record! Yota stomps and CLUBS Evil, then whips, but Evil reverses! Yota hits railing, and then Evil whips him into more railing! Evil CHOKES Yota against the railing, Yota fights back, but the ref gets knocked aside! Evil puts Yota in so he and Dick can stomp away!

The fans boo but here comes the rest of the House already! Narita, Yujiro, Kanemaru and Jack all stomp away on Yota, but here come Bushi & Hiromu! It’s a replay of yesterday as LIJ fights off the House, but the numbers are still against them! The ref rushes in to tell everyone to stop! Evil shoves the ref out of the ring, Yota fires off on him, but Evil CLAWS Yota’s eyes! The House CHOKES LIJ, but the ref says stop! The bell rings, but what is the decision!? NO CONTEST!?

No Contest

What does this mean!? Someone has to advance, right? The finals aren’t until the 20th, how can there be a no contest? The House started this, where’re the consequences?! Yota gets up but Evil TOSSES him back out! LIJ regroups and Yota asks for a mic. Yota tells Evil that he’s sick and tired of this! They ARE gonna finish this match! The fans like the sound of that! All the refs come out, including Red Shoes, to discuss how this will be handled. For starters, they tell all the extras to get outta here! LIJ is cool with that, and Hiromu tells the House to come along. Evil says fine, and Jack, Kanemaru, Narita, Yujiro and even Dick reluctantly exit.

The announcement is officially made, and the bell rings! Yota and Evil rush in, Evil kicks low but Yota CLUBS away on Evil! Evil CLAWS the eyes! Evil kicks, runs, RAMS, but Yota rebounds to run Evil over! Then run and SPLASH! Cover, TWO! Yota fires up and the fans are with him! Evil bails out but the fans rally for Yota. Evil wants Yota to stay back, then he slides in, only to slide right out! Yota runs out after Evil, but Evil kicks him! Evil RAMS Yota into the timekeeper! Abe-san and his table go flying! Evil gets the mic to tell Yota that this is what he gets! The fans boo but Evil tells them off, too! Evil stomps Yota then soaks up the heat.

Evil unties the blue buckle pad himself, then waits in the ring. The ref checks Yota and the fans rally up again. The Young Lions help Abe-san while Yota drags himself up. Yota slides in, the fans cheer, but Evil pulls on Yota’s hair! Evil wrenches the hair, then wrenches it again! And again! Evil CLUBS the hair! The ref reprimands but Evil just dusts off his hands. Evil covers, but the ref refuses to count! Evil is furious but he’s the one up to no good! The ref still says no, so Evil stands on Yota’s head. The fans rally up, Yota rises, and he grins as he winds up to ROCK Evil with a forearm! And ROCK him with another!

Yota ROCKS Evil again, but Evil whips him into the bare buckles! Yota falls and the ref reprimands about the missing buckle pad. Evil stomps Yota, covers, TWO! The fans cheer but Evil is annoyed. Evil scuffs Yota, taunts him, and drags him up. Evil CHOPS, Yota drops to his knees, but Evil stands him back up. Evil CHOPS again and Yota grits his teeth as he drops to his knees! Evil stands Yota up again, to fake the chop to CLAW the eyes! The ref reprimands, Evil lets off, and then Evil stands on Yota in a corner. The ref counts, Evil lets go of the ropes but that’s not the problem! Evil steps away, drags Yota up but claims he’s dead weight.

The ref checks, Evil stands Yota up and wrenches an arm. Evil whips Yota into a corner, runs in, but into a BOOT! Evil runs in again, blocks the boot, but Yota brings Evil in for the STOMP! The fans fire up while Yota rests on the mat. The fans rally up and Yota rises again. Evil’s in the corner, runs out, but into the BACKBREAKER! COMPLETE SHOT! STOMP! The fans fire up again as Yota stands back up. Yota runs, to CURB STOMP!! Yota roars and the fans fire up again! Evil flounders while Yota aims. Yota runs in, but the ref is used as a shield! Evil kicks Yota low, then uses the ref in MAGIC KILLER!

All three men are down while the fans rally up again. Evil stands, he brings Yota up, and the ref also rises. Evil whips Yota into the bare buckles, then clotheslines him in! Then FISHERMAN BUSTER! Cover, but Evil lets off?! Evil wants to torture Yota but it’s hard to say if Yota is still even in this. Yota opens his eyes, rises up, but Evil fireman’s carries! DARKNESS FALLS! Cover, TWO!! Yota survives, the fans fire up, but Evil is furious! Evil slashes his throat and vows to end this now! Evil drags Yota up, spins him around, but Yota fights the STO with elbows! Evil kicks low, whips again, but Yota stops from hitting buckles!

Evil runs in, Yota dodges and Evil hits the buckles! SUPERKICK!! Both men are down again and the fans fire back up! We’re only ten minutes into this new match but this is on top of the madness from earlier. Evil drags Yota up, but Yota ROCKS Evil! Evil fights Yota’s fireman’s carry and CLUBS him, but both men wobble. Evil LARIATS, but Yota stays up! The fans fire up but Evil swings to LARIAT again! Yota drops to a knee, but he grins through the pain! Evil says alright, and he throws off his elbow pad. Evil runs to LARIAT! Yota grits his teeth to stay up! V-TRIGGER! Yota brings Evil in, suplexes, ORANGE CRUSH! Cover, TWO!!

Evil is still in this but the fans rally behind Yota again. Yota rises, drags Evil up, and then goes to the corner. Yota goes up and up and Evil moves the ref into the way! The ref takes the FLYING CURB STOMP!!! And now the House returns! The fans boo as Kanemaru, Dick, Yujiro, Narita & Jack all stomp away on Yota again! The fans tell them to go home, again, but these guys don’t care! They just put one out on Yota. They whip Yota to a corner, then DIck runs in to ELBOW! Kanemaru ELBOWS! Yujiro BOOTS! Jack SPLASHES! Narita ELBOWS! Then they snapmare and set Yota up! Dick climbs for the DICK CHOP!!

The fans boo but the House applauds their own dirtiness. But here come Bushi & Hiromu again! But they just get mugged again! They set Hiromu up for the DICK CHOP, while Bushi gets a JACK CHOP! The House then slithers away before a replacement ref rushes out here. Evil drags Yota up, winds up and runs, to LARIAT!! Cover, TWO!!! Yota survives and the fans are thunderous! Evil is at a loss for words, but he slashes his throat! He vows to end it for real, and he reels Yota in. EVERYTHING IS- Yota flips through!? And HEADBUTTS!! The fans fire up as Yota reels Evil in for a fireman’s carry! 70 CROSS!! Cover, TWO!!

Evil survives the swinging spinebuster and the House cheers! Yota drags himself to a corner, drags himself up with the ropes, and roars as he takes aim! Evil rises, but Yujiro distracts! Dick runs in, but gets a V-TRIGGER! The ref sees Dick, but misses the LOW BLOW! Then Evil RAMS Yota into the ref! That’s the second ref this match! Narita gets his push-up bar! The others set Yota up, but here comes SHINGO TAKAGI! The Rampaging Dragon has seen enough, and he’s still pissed from yesterday as it is! He dodges Narita to PUMPING BOMBER! Kanemaru & Yujiro kick Takagi, double whip, but he DOUBLE PUMPING BOMBERS!!

Jack gets in, but he gets ELBOW, JAB and YUKON LARIAT! Evil runs up but Takagi SWATS Evil’s lariat to JAB! Then feed to Hiromu’s SUPERKICK! Hiromu & Takagi set Evil up for Bushi’s BLACK MIST!! Evil can’t see, the PUMPING BOMBER turns him inside-out!! The fans are thunderous as LIJ helps Yota up! Red Shoes hurries out here, and Yota aims at Evil! GENE BLASTER!!! Cover, Yota wins!!!

Winner: Yota Tsuji, by pinfall (advances to the finals)

The House of Torture ran out of tricks, and now there is light at the end of the tournament! Will Yota do LIJ proud and bring home the Cup?

 

2024 New Japan Cup Semifinals: SANADA VS Hirooki Goto!

One down, one to go. Yota Tsuji has made it through, now we see who joins him in the finals! Will the Cold Skull or Fierce Warrior be the one that steps closer to former glory?

The bell rings and the fans duel between “GO-TO-O!” and “SA-NA-DA!” Red Shoes measures the levels, and it seems to slightly favor Goto. Goto and Sanada circle, tie up, and are in a deadlock. Goto gets some leverage to put Sanada against ropes, but he lets off slowly. Goto pats Sanada on the shoulders and the fans cheer. The two reset, circle again, and tie up again. It’s another deadlock, but again Goto finds a way to put Sanada on ropes. Sanada turns things around, lets off slowly, and also pats Goto on the shoulders. The fans applaud and the two reset again. They feel things out, knuckle lock, then move to a clinch.

They fight for control, Sanada starts pushing Goto towards a corner but Goto slips away. They feel things out, knuckle lock again, then break. They tie up collar ‘n’ elbow, Goto waistlocks, but Sanada wrenches to wristlock. Goto rolls, wrenches, wristlocks, but Sanada spins, wrenches, only for Goto to roll! Goto gets a leg to trip Sanada up, and he has a toehold. Sanada fights back with a chinlock but Goto pulls on the leg. Sanada uses his free leg to hook Goto into an ARMBAR, but Goto clasps hands! Goto moves around, pops free, then headlocks. Sanada fights up, Goto grinds the headlock, but Sanada throws body shots.

Sanada powers up and out, but Goto runs him over! The fans rally as things speed up, and Goto counters hip toss with hip toss! Goto runs and he clotheslines Sanada up and out! The fans fire up and Goto slides out after Sanada. Goto stomps Sanada, drags him up, then CLUBS him on the neck! Sanada staggers, Goto CHOPS him, then kicks him, then CLUBS him! Goto whips but Sanada stops himself from hitting railing! Goto runs in but Sanada drop toeholds him into the railing! Goto goes down in a heap, but Sanada opens the gate. Sanada brings Goto through, then to the crowd! PILEDRIVER to the bare floor!

The fans are stunned but Red Shoes reprimands. Sanada leaves Goto behind and slides into the ring. The fans rally for Goto as the ring count begins. Goto crawls at 5 of 20, finds his way to ringside at 10, but still hobbles and crawls. He stands at 17 to slide in! The fans cheer, but Sanada stomps Goto. Sanada drags Goto up, CLUBS him on the neck, then brings him back up to CLUB him again. Goto CHOPS! And CHOPS! Sanada eggs Goto on so Goto CHOPS again! Goto whips, Sanada reverses to RUSSIAN LEG SWEEP! Cover, TWO! Sanada keeps cool and sits Goto up into a chinlock. Goto endures and the fans rally again.

Goto kicks forward, reaches out, but Sanada cranks on the hold! Goto keeps fighting, and has the ROPEBREAK! Sanada lets go cleanly, but then he stomps Goto while he’s down. Sanada then stands Goto up to CLUB him on the neck. Goto CHOPS in return! And CHOPS, and CHOPS, and has Sanada in a corner! Goto CHOPS again, then whips corner to corner. Goto runs in, but Sanada BOOTS first! Sanada runs, Goto follows, and Goto LARIATS Sanada down! The fans fire up and Goto rises, clutching his neck. Goto stands Sanada up to fire off forearms, then he whips corner to corner. Goto runs in, MURAMASA!

Sanada wobbles, into the SAIDO! Cover, TWO! The fans fire up while Goto grits his teeth. Goto drags Sanada up, fireman’s carries, but Sanada fights free! Sanada waistlocks, Goto throws elbows, then runs. Sanada hurdles, hurdles, and DROPKICKS! Goto tumbles out of the ring, Sanada PLANCHAS him down! The fans fire up and Sanada encourages them to get louder. The fans get louder and Sanada appreciates it. Sanada then goes back for Goto, brings him up and puts him in the ring. Sanada fireman’s carries but Goto throws elbows! Sanada turns around into Goto’s fireman’s carry, but then slips out into the dragon sleeper!

But Goto arm-drags free! Sanada kicks low, runs, but Goto follows! Sanada dodges this time, runs again, but Goto still follows! Sanada sidesteps this time, but Goto holds ropes to avoid the hurdle! Goto runs in, but Sanada fireman’s carries! T K O! Cover, TWO! Goto is still in this and the fans rally up! Sanada goes up the corner, ROUNDING BODY- NO, Sanada has to land out as Goto moves! Sanada runs in, but into the fireman’s carry! USHIGOROSHI! Both men are down and the fans fire up again! They cheer on “GO-TO-O!” but the “SA-NA-DA!” chants are still there. Red Shoes checks them both, and both men slowly rise.

The two crawl towards each other, and Goto fires a forearm! Sanada shakes his head, eggs Goto on, so Goto throws another! Goto eggs Sanada on, so Sanada fires a forearm! Goto fires a forearm back, and the two stand. Sanada UPPERCUTS! Goto comes back to forearm! Sanada UPPERCUTS again, and Goto drops back to a knee! The fans rally, Goto stands again, and he forearms! UPPERCUT, forearm, repeat! Goto growls, fires a flurry of forearms, and he ROCKS Sanada! Sanada drops to his hand and knees but Goto powers up! Goto KICKS but Sanada blocks! Goto fires more forearms, then waistlocks, but Sandaa fights free!

Sanada runs, but Goto fireman’s carries! And he throws Sanada into the dragon sleeper! But Sanada turns around and suplexes, for MAGIC SCREW! Both men are down again and the fans fire back up! Sanada roars as he rises up, and he aims from a corner. Sanada wants Goto to get up, and Goto sits up, into the SHINING WIZARD! Sanada then dragon sleepers, for the SKULL END!! Goto endures, flails, reaches out, but he’s caught in the body scissors! Goto fights around but he’s fading! The fans rally, Goto’s hand drops! Sanada lets him go to then climb! ROUNDING BODY PRESS! Cover, TWO!!

The fans fire up as Goto survives but Sanada storms around. Sanada drags Goto up, reels him in and clinches, but Goto slips free to shove Sanada away! Sanada forearms, ROLLING- HEADBUTT from Goto! The fans fire up and duel, and Goto drags Sanada up. But Sanada breaks free! Goto HEADBUTTS again! Sanada falls back down and Goto steadies himself. Goto roars, the fans are with him, and Goto sits Sanada up. Goto runs to PENALTY KICK! Shoutout to Shibata and the fans fire up more! Sanada grits his teeth as he sits back up but Goto takes aim! BUZZSAW! And then he hauls Sanada up to dragon sleeper! G T- BACKSLIDE COUNTER! TWO!!!

Sanada and Goto hurry up, Sanada dodges to O’Conner BRIDGE!! TWO?!!? Goto escapes and shocks everyone! Sanada resets, runs in, SHINING WIZARD!! The fans are thunderous as Sanada roars and drags Goto back up! Clinch and DEAD- NO, Goto slips around to ripcord and fireman’s carry! G T W!! Cover, TWO?!?!? Sanada survives but Goto is all fired up! The fans are thunderous as Goto dragon sleepers for G T R!!! Cover, GOTO WINS!!!

Winner: Hirooki Goto, by pinfall (advances to the finals)

Don’t call it a comeback, Goto’s been here for years! Sanada’s hopes of being IWGP World Heavyweight Champion again have been delayed, how long must he wait for another chance?

As for Goto, he’s going back to the New Japan Cup Finals for the first time since 2016, and his seventh overall! But before he can get the mic to speak, Yota makes his way back out here. Yota steps into the ring and he gets the mic first. Yota tells Goto, “In order to open the door to a new era, we must do this.” The fans applaud that, and Yota continues by asking Goto, “Are you ready?!” Yota drops the mic at Goto’s feet, and Goto stands up to speak. “I also have something I want to show you. As a three-time New Japan Cup Champion, I will show you my strength.” The fans like the sound of that!

The Fierce Warrior stares down with Gene Blast, a true generational showdown on the horizon! Will Goto return not juts to former glory, but finally ascend to top of NJPW? Or will Yota make it LIJ VS LIJ for the IWGP World Heavyweight Championship?


My Thoughts:

A great semifinal round for this tournament, with quite a surprising main event. Sanada VS Goto was great stuff, and while I felt Sanada wasn’t winning the Cup, I didn’t think he’d be out this round. Yota VS Evil was rather creatively put together, too. I did not think the House would get so involved that at first it was a No Contest but then they restart under a ringside ban. Takagi making sure Yota won was good stuff, too, maybe we can get Takagi VS Evil for the NEVER Openweight Championship if they’re not gonna circle back to more Shota Umino VS House of Torture stuff.

Goto VS Yota is going to be great stuff, and Goto is clearly a top utility guy. He’s had so many New Japan Cup finals appearances, certainly among the most ever, but I don’t think he gets a fourth Cup win against Yota, one of the “new era Musketeers” that NJPW clearly loves. Yota VS Naito is definitely the title match for Sakura Genesis.

My Score: 8.9/10


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