Why Jinder Mahal Is Legit The Greatest Of All Time

Does this topic even require a full article? Isn’t it obvious enough? Jinder Mahal goes out there into the squared circle every week and gives us 200%, he puts his body and career on the line every time to treat us to exhilarating, heart racing, spot fest matches worthy of headlining any major PPV. But how exactly has Mahal managed to rise from being a pathetic, worthless waste of a roster spot to become arguably the most influential and inspirational performer of his generation ? How exactly did he go from wearing leather trousers and air-guitaring as a part of 3 Man Band, to gaining the respect, love and adulation of his peers and billions of fans around the world?

Physique

From a skinny little runt of a thing, Jinder Mahal seemingly overnight transformed himself into an absolute beast of a man, jacked to the nines, with the finest back acne and the tightest most poppingest veins you’ve ever seen.

But how?

Hard work and determination that’s how! All it takes is a bit of exercise and eating the right foods according to Mahal, I mean it clearly worked for me, you can’t see me but I’m an Adonis – a sculpted piece of art sent from the heavens all thanks to Mahals inspiring transformation and training regime. He most certainly didn’t achieve it through steroid abuse. WWE would never allow someone to abuse their Wellness Policy in order to make money overseas and open up a whole new market …. nope, no way.

How dare you insinuate such a thing!

Mic Skills

The first time I heard a Jinder Mahal promo I had to pinch myself, I suddenly thought it was possible for men to have babies together and that we had seen some unbelievable hybrid of The Rock, Chris Jericho and Paul Heyman. I had never heard anything like it, intelligent insults…  rapport with his opponent… funny one liners… this guy was the real deal on the mic. Think of the best promos you’ve ever seen… Jericho vs The Rock on Jericho’s debut, Heyman on any given night, CM Punk’s Pipebomb, the forming of the NWO… all incredible in their own right. But they pale into comparison to Mahal calling Shinsuke Nakamura ‘Mr Miyagi’. The crowd broke out into a frenzy of HOLY SHIT and THIS IS AWESOME chants… you can’t beat a bit of good old fashioned racism! Inspiring words that will echo for the next millennia.

Ring Work

There’s a reason Jinder Mahal is known as Mr Wrestlemania. He is just the perfect storm, a mysterious hybrid mix of high flying action, technical mastery, unrivaled strength, lightning speed, ring awareness and adaptability. You haven’t lived until you’ve seen him horribly botch his finishing move, the always impressive Khallas, on a variety of opponents. Think of the most iconic finishers of all time, The Stone Cold Stunner, The Rock Bottom, Tombstone Piledriver, Sweet Chin Music, Pedigree, Sharpshooter… all pathetic non impact moves that barely stirred up any reaction from the fans. What a good world champion really needs is a simple Cobra Clutch slam with a fancy and intimidating name. The Khallas strikes fear into the very heart of anyone crazy and brave enough to step in the ring with Mahal. They really are signing their own death certificate.

Gurning

When you’re a superstar as infinitely talented as Jinder Mahal you don’t really need to have a convincing character, believable rapport with the fans, a varied move set, mic skills, personality or likability. Literally all that you need is one solitary facial expression which can speak a million words and perfectly suit any situation: THE GURN!

He regularly pulls it off to absolute perfection…

Happy Jinder ? GURN!

Sad Jinder? GURN!

Just won your first Championship title in your career? GUUURRRNNN!

Whenever I see the gurn I feel a connection to Mahal, I feel his pain, I feel his joy. It’s like we have gone on a journey together which I will forever cherish.

Friendship

This is where Jinder Mahal has really made great strides to inspire the children of the WWE Universe and has become a fantastic role model to the younger generation. Where most superstars make pathetic appearances for ‘good causes’ like the Susan G Coman Foundation and Make A Wish, Mahal inspires by showing how pure and giving he really is. His friendship with The Singh Brothers has filled a void in my heart that I was once only able to fill with recreational drugs and drinking myself into a coma, and I’m sure it has had the same impact on you too dearest reader. Never one to hog the spotlight or plaudits, Mahal is more than happy for his good friends Samir and Sunil to step up to the plate and get squashed on his behalf. A real heart of gold, Mahal has gone to great lengths to turn these boys into legitimate superstars rather than two dweeby little twats who simply perform his dirty work for him. I especially like how they haven’t been paired together solely because of their race and religion aligning, you can feel a real bond when they are together and in no way suspect that WWE officials are stuck in the 60’s/70’s and find other nationalities something to mock and humiliate.

Volume of Voice

Too many wrestlers these days speak at a normal, socially acceptable volume… do they not know the impact they could be having on the delicate ear buds of the attending fans and for the viewers at home? Jinder Mahal is too considerate to speak with at such an ear bludgeoning decibel, so he chooses to speak in a soft and delicate manner. You could almost say he speaks so incredibly fucking quietly that you can’t hear a bastard word he’s saying. It’s almost infuriating to the level where I want to hurt myself but it’s okay because Mahal is a believable superstar and I know really it has absolutely nothing to do with him having virtually zero experience or training in how to cut a promo and certainly nothing to do with him having no natural charisma. Whether he is shouting about his disapproval for a fellow superstar or educating us on how monumental his accomplishments are, it just sounds like a very angry fluffy little kitten playing with a ball of string. Where other guys don’t give a damn about you, Mahal is busy considering the risks to your personal health. What a guy.

This GIF

You’re welcome.

Jinder Mahal. Now… Then… Forever.

Follow Chris on Twitter @WOKENDeezango