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Andrew’s Impact Wrestling Ratings & Analysis 7/12/2019

Slammiversary was a great PPV! What does Impact bring to the table after a successful event?

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Slammiversary was a great PPV! What does Impact bring to the table after a successful event?

With the news of some people being free agents along with all of the title defenses, we’ve got some work to do!

Wait…Don Callis and Josh Matthews are in front of a Slammiversary LED screen?

We’re getting a clip show? OH- a clip show with 1 new match and the full main event of a A Night You Can’t Mist.

Really? You follow up a hot PPV with a clip show.

Talk about not understanding momentum.

 

Ratings:

  • IMPACTplus Match: Michael Elgin & Johnny Impact vs The Great Muta & Tommy Dreamer: Muta wins via Shining Wizard – ***
  • Kiera Hogan vs Jordynne Grace vs Madison Rayne: Grace wins via Grace Driver – ***

 

Analysis:

Well I must’ve overlooked something, since this is mostly a clip show. Seems like they’re going over the Slammiversary matches with post match comments interspersed from wrestlers.

Surprisingly, Melissa is on the Skype host of Twitch chat duty tonight. She just got married and this is a clip show and she’s still around. Points for her.

Ugh – yup just clips of before and after promos for Killer Kross vs Eddie Edwards. I don’t really care. These feel like they should be extras for the Slammiversary DVD, not a standalone IMPACT episode.

Jimmy Jacobs weighs in on the Monster’s Ball information. Gotta love the Zombie Princess.

To give you an idea of what we’ve been dealing with:

Oh now we get to hear the thoughts of the Real Deal now. D’lo Brown discusses the tag team match.

The best thing to come from these post match comments was the promo Konnan cut on The North afterwards. Still definitely a waste of time episode, but Konnan is still fire on the stick.

Well thankfully they trimmed out the portion of the Night You Can’t Mist main event so we didn’t see the long stall because of the shitty fan. As for the match, it was a good house show style match. A few moments of awkward spots, physical comedy and Muta slides in with a broom, Kid Ref admonishes him and he decides to just sweep the ring a little like he had no ill intent. Solid match honestly, the fact that Muta goes over after some Misting shenanigans was just a nice moment.

Tommy joins Josh and Don talking about Tessa versus Sami Callihan. The interviews afterwards definitely drive home the fact that Sami has respect for Tessa. It was a well done video package, but this really shouldn’t be a stand alone episode.

Petey Williams joins the aftermath show to discuss Swann and Johnny. Nothing really of merit was said or shown, especially since most of us figure Johnny lost since his contract was up. So trying to frame it in a sports way, doesn’t really resonate with this generation of wrestling viewer. I mean that more by available information, not hands down “smart” remarks.

So we know where it’s going. They talk about Cage and Elgin with Scott D’Amore and it seems like this angle might persist. Since Cage won with a wrestling move and not his usual seek and destroy style, Elgin is taking that as a moral victory. Any matches with those two will be good stuff, but got this has been hard to sit through.

Well this women’s Triple Threat was kind of a mess early on. Mistimed spots, competitors or referees out of position, awkward transition and partially missed moves. Granted, they had a good amount of time and kept the intensity up, so it helped to save the match from an enjoyment and storyline perspective. Things culminate with Grace getting the win, but Rayne turns heel. So Hogan and Rayne gang up on Grace, and Hogan walks out exchanging glances with Rayne, but never quite cementing if they will be a team moving forward.

Overall Score: 3.5/10

A clip show with one new match and one match from a show last month. I mean, Jesus this was not a good idea. Yes the video packages were solid, sure they helped to flesh things out a little bit…but holy hell it was a boring show. Plus you have to wonder how people who paid for the PPV must feel when a good bit of the footage was given away during this clip show.

Of course Twitch viewers were the lowest they’ve ever been since people were not happy with a clip show.

Just a dumb choice coming off the heels of a great PPV.


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Andrew’s TNA iMPACT! Results & Match Ratings: 5.9.2024

Under Siege was straight trash homie…can we salvage some sense coming off a bad PLE?

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Well Under Siege kind of sucked except for the last 2 matches…so I really have no clue what to expect from this episode. We’re apparently kicking off with a System championship celebration party, so this could be slow and cringe or actually interesting. Really only two ways to go with this.

Let’s find out if I’m drinking early tonight.

Ratings:

FBI (Ray Jaz & Zack Clayton w/Little Guido) vs First Class (Rich Swann & AJ Francis): Swann wins via Frog Splash – * 1/2

The Rascalz (Zachary Wentz & Trey Miguel) vs Jake Something & Cody Deaner: Rascalz win Tandem Goomba Stomp/Sit Out – *

Jonathan Gresham vs Will Ferrera: Gresham wins via CephaloPin – Squash

ABC (Ace Austin & Chris Bey) vs Speedball Mountain (Trent Seven & Speedball Mike Bailey): Speedball Mountain win via Ultima Birminghammer – *** 1/2

 

Results:

So Myers opens up the segment, and the crowd is a bit flat, but both Myers and then Moose start laying in the “greatest faction of all time” stuff, so I guess we’re gonna start to see some cracks soon. But this is a rough promo to open with. The crowd is just barely reacting and having the local minor league team cheerleaders or something come out for their entrance was just awkward. This is all going over like a fart in church.

Lish says she put a video package together, but it gets interrupted by Broken Matt Hardy with a steel chair, and at least the crowd cares a little and Hardy seems to be into the promo a bit. Not as much as Under Siege, but definitely better than when he first came back. OH MY GOD! Lish says people can’t understand Broken Matt because of HIS accent. Okay, that’s a fantastic line. The promo is still kinda flat, but Lish had the line of the exchange so far. Hardy fights them with the chair, does pretty decent until Lish brings out Kendra the Kendo Stick and interferes enough to get the others to use the numbers advantage. But Ryan Nemeth hits the ring and makes the save for Matt. 

The cheerleaders turn on The System and start doing the “Delete” motion. Very…stupid. 

FBI (Ray Jaz & Zack Clayton w/Little Guido) vs First Class (Rich Swann & AJ Francis)

Rich gets thrown around a little early on from Zack, until he goes to the eyes and gives AJ a shot to come in and hit some assisted moves. Zack it draped over the ropes, the referee backs off AJ and Swann takes cheap shots over and over while the referee is distracted. AJ gets too cocky, slowly goes for a corner Splash and misses, but he grabs Zack’s wrist to try and stop the tag. Big car crash Double Lariat leads to a simultaneous tag and Ray Jaz takes the hot tag. A few quick strikes into a Running Backdrop Driver for a near fall. AJ breaks up the pin, Zack tries to even the odds but AJ handles him and chucks him out. Rich Dropkicks Ray into AJ, Chokeslam into the Frog Splash, First Class wins.

Alan Angels stupid talk show is back and he’s flirting with SDL and Kon is still in the mix. This is cringe, awful and I’d rather shoot myself in the head. This sucks. 

The Rascalz (Zachary Wentz & Trey Miguel) vs Jake Something & Cody Deaner

So this is a Tornado Tag now because of Deaner’s stupid “People’s Choice” gimmick. I have lost nearly any desire to care about this match purely because Deaner is a plight on wrestling. Deaner and Something have early control, but I literally don’t care. I’m just waiting for Deaner to screw this up somehow since he’s not likable or charming, and this is painful. I’d rather have a root canal than watch this, and we all know I love Zachary Wentz.

Thankfully Wentz and Trey start to turn things around, but I want to get away from this match faster than Tom Brady left his own roast. We all know that if the Deaner team ever starts to build momentum its because of Jake. I just really want nothing to do with this match. Its trash, its spots for spots sake, spray paint in Jake’s eyes, Double Superkick, into the Rocket Launcher/Super Kick tandem and then Goomba Stomp Sitout Powerbomb for the Rascalz to win. Thank Christ its over.

OH more good news! Maclin comes out and kills The Rascalz on the ramp! 

This Gabby segment is awful. She’s just asking about names, its almost as stupid and irritating as Art Donovan “How much does this guy weigh”.  I usually love the ASH gimmick, but with this moronic Gabby chick, this is awful. Gabby is terrible, baiting the comedy reactions from ASH and Iceman makes their gimmick less charming because being obliviously goofy in serious situations is what makes them great. Not feeding into the comedy. Too much talking in this episode, and by people that shouldn’t be talking. 

Jonathan Gresham vs Will Ferrera

The local jobber doesn’t even look like enhancement talent, he looks like a temp at a run down office. Gresham comes out with a few low kicks, then a Dropkick and a little bit of the Muta flourish as he goes to tie up the jobber Heel Hook, Butterflied Arms behind the calf, and the official starts to cough. The referee coughing distracts Gresham enough to give Ferrera a few spots, but a Asai Moonsault into a Trailer Hitch, Kneecap Smash and then he just stalks his prey. Octopus hold with the ink, hand over Ferrera’s face, CephaloPin.

ABC (Ace Austin & Chris Bey) vs Speedball Mountain (Trent Seven & Speedball Mike Bailey)

So there’s a weird wrinkle to this match, the winning team will face each other in the number one contender match.

Bey and Bailey start off and Bailey catches Bey with a Dropkick, tags in Trent, Chops, Kicks, Trent with the Assisted Corkscrew Senton for a near fall. Trent does his Kojima Chops, Bailey tags in, Poetry in Motion for another near fall. Bey finally finds a tag and they rip off a Tandem Overhead Hammerlock Takeover, near fall, Ace continues to work on Bailey, Snap Suplex, Bey tags in, Low Clothesline for a near fall, Knee to the spine into another cover but only a 1 count. Bailey makes the desperate tag out, Trent comes in with some Chops, Back Elbows and Scoop Spinning Fowsion for 2! Bailey tags back in, some back and forth big attempts, Superplex from Trent, Bailey goes for the Shooting Star Press but hits only the mat! Things spill to the outisde and they’re just throwing chops, Speedball Mountain both miss chops at the same time into the post, ABC try to capitalize.

Bey works over the hand that just crashed into the post, Cross Arm Breaker attempt, Key Lock attempt but Bailey is fighting back. Bailey tries to prevent Bey from tagging in Ace while also trying to protect the hand. Flurry of Kicks out of nowhere! Bey falls back into his own corner so Ace tags in while Speedball is selling fatigue. Bailey Roundhouse Kick miss, Superkick miss cause Ace Matrix dodges, Ace goes for the Spinning Heel Kick but misses, they both go for High Round kicks and connect at the same time. Both sell and then crawl to their corners, simultaneous tags on Trent and Bey. Bey tries the Satellite DDT, Trent stops him, Bey with a Roundhouse Kick, Trent spins the momentum with a Spinning Backfist. Seven Star Lariat attempt, block, Gamengiri into a Cutter for two for ABC! Tandem Ripcord Knees from ABC, into the Brianbuster with the Round Kick, Bailey makes the save at 2! ABC in control, Trent and Bailey try to fight from underneath, Bop and Bang gives them a moment, Ace throws Trent’s backfist into Bailey’s face. Breakdown, Superkick rewinds Ace into the Seven Star Lariat! 1-2-Phenomenal Forearm from Bey sends Bailey falling into the pinfall to break it.

Ace tags in Bey, 1-2-Sweet is called for but Bailey pulls Trent to the side, Dive and Asai Moonsault keep Speedball Mountain alive. Briminghammer/Ultima Weapon attempt, but Ace gets out of the Birminghammer, Bey knocks Bailey off, Ace kicks Trent out, Fosbury Flop from Ace levels both Mountain members. Ace is busy talking shit to Mustafa while Bey is yelling since Ace is legal, they take too long. Tornado Dragon Suplex takes out Bey, Ultima Birminghammer wins!

 

Overall Score: 2.5/10

This was the worst episode I’ve seen since the terrible AEW crossover time. 75% of the show was talking, the segments were cringe, dead or just straight up bad. Gabby LaSpisa has no business on a televised product. I couldn’t care less if she’s part of the Busted Open idiot squad, she can stay in podcast form buried far away from people with personalities. Deaner is worthless, Kon and Angels are both insanely worthless, Jake absorbing a bunch of losses is JUST like his last run with the company. PUSH HIM. He’s got a great look, he’s athletic, yes he needs a better name than “Something” but get Deaner far away from him. I mean the stupidity of this show made me dislike the ASH by Elegance segment, which annoys me since I really love her gimmick.

Only good things were we’re seeing some kind of return/repackage of Giselle Shaw and the main event was decent even though they’re really being heavy handed with the ABC breaking up thing. The fear a bunch of us had after Scott left was just watching a ton of factions and teams fall apart…and that’s happened. MCMG are gone, Dango hasn’t been seen in like a month, ABC is on the way out, Kevin Knight hasn’t been around with Kushida so I guess they aren’t a thing in TNA anymore. Ugh…and I am not looking forward to the 16 person clusterfuck next week.

I’m going to be purchasing a lot of alcohol before next week. This was unabashed garbage.


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Andrew’s TNA iMPACT! Results & Match Ratings: 5.2.2024

Under Siege is tomorrow! Yeah the card looks pretty awful, but maybe this Go Home will spice things up!

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Not gonna mislead anyone here, Under Siege looks nearly as bad as a Steven Segal film by the same name. Lots of useless tag matches, only really the X Division title to care about. It reminds me of a “Road to” show that New Japan does. Bunch of worthless matches with a few story wrinkles but entirely skippable.

Hopefully something crazy happens or the show is good enough to cover the bad card. But let’s hope something happens tonight to maybe create some reason to watch.

Ratings:

  • Mustafa Ali vs Chris Bey w/Ace Austin: Ali wins via 450 – **
  • Dani Luna w/Jody Threat vs Alisha Edwards w/Masha Slamovich: Lish wins via Russian Death Device – ** 1/4
  • Hammerstone vs Cody Deaner: Hammerstone wins via Torture Rack – *
  • #1 Contender Match: Ace Austin w/Chris Bey vs Trey Miguel w/Zachary Wentz: Ace wins via The Fold – ***
  • TNA Knockouts Championship: Jordynne Grace (c) vs Miyu Yamashita: Grace retains via Juggernaut Driver – *** 1/2

 

Results:

Mustafa Ali vs Chris Bey w/Ace Austin

Ali with a simple Headlock takeover, Bey fights back up and tries to create something with a rope run; but Ali gets the best of things with a Back Elbow. Ali gets cocky as Bey retreats to the corner, Bey turns things around quickly, lands the 10 Count Punches in the corner, Ali tries to fight back but Bey snaps off a quick DDT for a near fall. As Bey goes to continue the offense, Ali Drop Toe Holds Bey into the ropes neck first. Ali again, demonstrating some of the worst in-ring trash talk, Bey turns things around since Ali is running his mouth too much. Ali gets set in the Tree of Woe, Bey goes across to another corner and does a Coast to Coast Elbow Drop as Ali tries to sit up. Honestly, stupid looking since its obviously too coordinated. No one would stay half sat up just to eat an elbow.

While the move looked cool, I now care significantly less about what’s going on. Illogical spots just because “they’re cool”, should not be rewarded. Bey controls the match after the stupid spot, hits his Corner Uppercut Hip Attack, Ali tries to duck a few moves and create something but eats a Spinebuster for 2. Art of Finesse attempt, but Ali shoves him to the outside. Working back inside Ali goes for his Rolling Neckbreaker but Bey connects with a Roundhouse Kick to stop Ali in his tracks. Fighting Spirit spot, they run into the ropes, Ali has a bad Double Leg takedown that he tries to turn into a Cradle with feet on the ropes, but Ace pushes the feet off.

As security starts to move on Ace, Ali hits a Suicida, then Bey connects on a Tope con Hilo. Bey starts rocking Ali, hits the Kudome Valentine but Ali manages to pull himself under the bottom rope just enough to avoid losing. Bey climbs the corner, Ali German Suplexes Bey to the apron, Ali goes for the 450, misses, Bey goes to finish the match but the security get involved again, hit Bey with the flag and then Ali lands the 450 for the win.

I liked when the Security Guards were window dressing instead of mooks to cheat with. This just makes the matches dumber and significantly less interesting, especially when its nameless mooks and its not even a talent getting heat. 

Dani Luna w/Jody Threat vs Alisha Edwards w/Masha Slamovich

Dani starts strong and fast, forearm shots, lariats and a quick near fall sends Alisha retreating to the ropes to get some advice from Masha. Dani goes to attack Lish, Lish with a Drop Toe Hold, Masha takes advantage of the distracted ref and Lish hits a Satellite DDT and then taunts entirely too much. As Lish talks too much, Dani stands up and starts beating the hell out of Lish, Suplex into the rope assisted Blue Thunder Bomb. Dani goes for the Luna Landing, but Masha climbs on the apron, distraction happens, then Lish goes after Jody and the ref stays distracted with Lish. Masha slides into the ring, Roundhouse Kick into the Russian Death Device and Lish turns around for the win!

Sami’s little segment is aptly named DMTv since it feels like a weird hallucination or trip with the way he does stuff. 

Hammerstone vs Cody Deaner

Am I supposed to care about this? Hammerstone looks like he’s chiseled out of granite and Deaner looks like he’s fished out of a trailer park. Hammerstone says a lot of how I feel that the Deaner schtick is pathetic. Deaner says he’s given the power to add a stipulation, Hammer says Arm Wrestling Match, Deaner wants a Sin City Street Fight. So we know what the crowd will pick. Christ this is so carny even Court Bauer blushed.

Deaner bonks Hammer with the mic, low dropkick, goes to grab a trash can lid and hits Hammer…but it just pisses off Captain Hammer. Stomps a mudhole in him, Irish Whip into a Back Elbow and Hammer deposits him to the outside to utilize the gimmick I would assume. This is going on much longer than it should, Deaner finds a chair, clocks Hammer once, goes for Twice, but this isn’t Kpop; so Hammer says no and hits him with a Backbreaker. Then Hammer hits him with a chairshot, 10 Count Punches in the corner, Sack of Shit, Deaner goes for the Ricky Morton lean against the ropes and sell to the crowd spot, but Hammer leans into him and starts using the chair again.

Deaner does his nerd Hulk Up, tries to call for a Body Slam but Hammer doesn’t move and drops the dweeb down. Deaner is back to the begging the crowd Ricky Morton spot…but the crowd doesn’t care since Deaner is a jabroni. Hammer tosses Deaner like a pizza ribs first into the back of the chair and just takes a few moments to revel in his handwork. Deaner fights back, lands a few right hands, tries to call for the Body Slam again like an idiot, gets Hammer half way and falls over so Hammer just rains down punches (can we end this waste of time please). Hellavator, I mean Nightmare Pendulum but Deaner floats over and lands the Scoop Slam onto the steel chair for only 2.

The crowd starts chanting for table, so of course Deaner obliges…this is going on so damn long. Hammer no sells the forearm, Vertical Suplex, goozle, and then Hammer Chokeslams Deaner through the table and calls to for the Torture Rack. Deaner is Rack’d and dead. ‘Bout damn time.

Like a Torpedo, Something is there…

I’m mad at myself that I popped for Ball of Speed. I’m not even sure why, but I like it.

If I’ve said it once I’ve said it at least 3 dozen times, Joe Hendry is a treasure. Starting with a medley of the insult songs to lead into the Creed parody is genius. Odd apology, but I respect it. “Can you please get fired…”, such a great song.

#1 Contender Match: Ace Austin w/Chris Bey vs Trey Miguel w/Zachary Wentz

Typical Junior style start with counters and some chain wrestling and then a quick tension spot where Trey slaps Ace and then they fire off on each other for a few seconds before they get broken up because its just a shmoz. Trey baits Ace to the outside, Up and Over but Ace lands on the apron and then Wentz picks the ankle as Trey feigns injury to distract the referee. Back Rake back into the ring and just insulting Knife Edge Chops at a deliberate pace. Commercial break happens and Trey is still in charge. Ace shoots the Double and turns it into a Jacknife Cradle for 2 but Ace is still visibly hobbled.

Trey tries to keep Ace grounded but he tries to fire up and Trey finds different ways to keep Ace grounded including a Running Bodyscissors into Full Mount. Kick combination rush from Trey as he goes for the Asai Moonsault to punctuate it but Ace gets the knees up. Short range Knee Strike, Click Click Boom, Corner Splash Seated Lariat spot into a Triangle Kick for 2! Ace looks to set up The Fold, Wentz distracts, Trey grabs tights! But Ace kicks out! Trey with the Backflip Back of the Head Dropkick. Bey levels Wentz and Trey is talking shit to the fans, Ace goes for the Crucifix Pin, but kicks out at 2.

Jackie Bryant Headlock Kick from Trey, but Ace blocks it. Triangle Kick misses, Ace tries to jump on him but misses, Cheeky Nandos, then Trey heads up but Ace cuts him off. They struggle on the top rope, Trey Bell Claps Ace, Ace tries to duck but Trey turns it into the Sunset Flip, locomotion float away, Ace Face Stomp into The Fold! Ace wins!

The Bald Bearded Canadians, good ole team BBC…wait…

TNA Knockouts Championship: Jordynne Grace (c) vs Miyu Yamashita

They start off respectfully, which is what you expect since Miyu is well respected in this generation. A few Headlock Takeovers, Shoulder Blocks and finally Miyu drops Jordynne with a Switchblade Kick. Miyu goes to follow up, but Jordynne catches the kick and T-Bone Suplex gives Jordynne a near fall. Juggernaut Driver early, but Miyu counters, rams Jordynne into the corner, Triangle Kick from Miyu for 2! Cravat into Knee Strikes and then a PK to the spine keeps Miyu in control. Miyu lets Jordynne up and they trade strikes a bit, Jordynne’s arms prove to be a little stronger than Miyu’s legs, takes out the legs and then the Jackhammer on the floor from Jordynne!

Jordynne tries to roll Miyu back in, but Miyu continues to roll out to buy some space, Jordynne goes for a dive and eats a foot. Miyu looks for an Apron Death Valley Driver, Jordynne fights it a while but Miyu eventually gets her over and down on the apron for 2. Miyu with a Headlock Takeover, but both ties the other one up and the ropes save the awkward but effective exchange. Strike exchange number 2. Miyu no sells a few Scoop Slams and lands Round Kicks. Spinning Backfist and Round Kick connect simultaneously for both women to drop.

Jordynne charges, Pink Striker tries to block with the front kick, but Jordynne plows through with a Back Elbow. Kinniku Buster attempt but Miyu knows how to get away from that and fights off with Knee Strikes, Jordynne is rocked but fights back up and Avalanche Back Body Drop for 2! Jordynne no sells a Roundhouse Kick, Miyu no sells a Lariat then another kick from Miyu and a Back Kick to the face for 2. Skull Kick attempt, blocked, Juggernaut Driver out of nowhere to retain!

 

Overall Score: 6.25/10

The second half of the show was pretty damn good, but God was the first half useless. Hammerstone and Deaner went on far too long, that was dumb, it looked dumb, I felt dumb watching it. Ali’s match was garbage with the stupid spot monkey indie garbage spot. If I want to watch wrestling that makes less sense than Chinese Dramas with Hindi subtitles, I’ll watch AEW and have a stroke.

Thankfully, Joe Hendry got a good chunk of time, the Trey and Ace match was pretty good and overlooking the stupid run in after match stuff, the Knockouts match itself was pretty damn good. So the new bookers have really consistently done this stuff, where there’s a ton of overbooked stupidity, but they sprinkle in enough okay stuff to make me not completely lose faith. OH – and we do get Kushida versus Gresham tomorrow, so at least that strengthens the lackluster card.

Lets see if they ever figure out how to really book, or if they eventually go full TNA 2015.


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