Entertainment

Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu News! (5/5/20)

The Dark Forces respond!

Published

4 years ago

May 5, 2020

Steven Mitchell

Hyrule Puro-Resu stars have been busy on social media!

There has been so much going on in HPW, and so much to say! The Dark Forces respond to the Goddess Championship news! Plus, we hear from the Hero of Hyrule!

Cia and The Dark Forces have posted a video.

The Black Sorceress sits on an ornate armchair with her “generals,” Scorching Berserker Volga and Wizzro the Twisted Wizard, on either side of her. She caresses her scepter while frowning. “Zelda, Zelda, Zelda. That’s all I ever hear. Oh, Zelda, the Princess of Hyrule! Zelda, the daughter of Nick Foolyear! Zelda the spoiled brat who gets everything she wants!” Cia is sick and tired of Zelda getting praise and opportunities she doesn’t deserve! Zelda lied to everyone to get into the Triforce Tournament. Isn’t lying a bad thing? But her punishment is barely anything! Zelda is still in this contender’s match! If any other female wrestler did that, would they be “punished” with an alternate title opportunity? Cia doubts that.

“But it’s fine.” Cia will just beat Zelda again. And she doesn’t care what the adjusted record says, or what the schedule overlap was. To Cia, there are no excuses of “But she was Sheik~! She had another match~!” A great wrestler is a great wrestler and a loss is a loss. “And Zelda is going to lose again, because <i>that</i> is what that brat deserves!” Strong words, but will Cia back them up? Or will she be forced to eat them in the ring?

Triforce Champion, Link, is visiting Kakariko Village.

The Hero of Hyrule is in his hometown for a photoshoot with HPW Media. He poses with the title in front of his old high school, and shakes hands with fans among the students and staff. The principal proudly shows Link that he is now in the Kakariko Alumni Hall of Fame. Link is flattered, and a little embarrassed, as he poses for more pictures alongside his yearbook photos.

“Oi, Link! Link!” Groose walks over as Link heads to his car. He was looking all over town for his “old pal,” but never thought he’d be at a school. Groose then notices the cameras, and says HPW should get a shot of the two champions together. Link reluctantly agrees, and the two stand side by side, resting their respective title belts on their shoulders. Groose compliments Link on the nice suit and car. Well, the suit is nicer than the car, actually. Groose didn’t even think Link had a car. Or that he knew how to drive. But that’s besides the point. Groose says he wanted to check in with his old training partner, see how he was doing. Link starts to say they weren’t training partners, but Groose cuts him off by saying they should train together again some time. Groose has to get ready for his match with Ghirahim Mazokucho, and Link needs to stay sharp while waiting for a challenger.

Link starts to say something but Groose gives him a pat on the back. Groose is confident the two of them will be fine, though. Groose will beat down that “tongue flicking weirdo” and Link will be ready for either Ganondorf or Igos du Ikana. Right? Of course Groose is right. Now how about more pictures? Groose gives Link another hard pat on the back, and then holds his Death Mountain Championship up in the air. Link reluctantly does the same with his belt, and has perhaps been roped into something by the gung-ho Groose. Will training with Triforce Champion help Groose prepare for his first title defense?

My Thoughts:

Okay, similarly to my previous Hyrule Puro-Resu article, there was going to be more news pretty quickly. But also, I realized I wasn’t giving enough attention to Link. He needed to have a segment of some kind so that he wouldn’t be a completely absent champion. We’ve gotten that enough from the WWE finding ways to go back to Brock Lesnar. At the same time, I realized having Link as a pro-wrestler at all is tough, because he doesn’t really speak in the official games. His dialogue in the original April Fools’ article was based off the infamous Philips CDI games and for laughs, but how could he be a serious character? The easy solution was obviously what you just read in having Groose take care of the talking, even if it meant interrupting Link. But I don’t I’ll make another article like this before June, I’m going to be too focused on writing those three matches.

Let us know what you think on social media @ChairshotMedia and always remember to use the hashtag #UseYourHead!

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Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu News Report! (5/1/24)

The Gerudo Sisterhood is (not) fine.

Published

12 hours ago

May 1, 2024

Steven Mitchell

Mayday! Mayday!

The Triforce Anniversary did not go their way, and now The Gerudo Sisterhood sits down to talk it out. Will things (not) be okay again?

The Gerudo Sisterhood meet up.

In Gerudo Town, Riju sits in the throne room, Buliara by her side. Aveil, Nabooru and Urbosa arrive together. Riju asks where Tali and Shabonne are, and Aveil says she has no idea. Nabooru and Urbosa also don’t know, no one’s heard from either all month. Did she go back to sand seal racing? Nabooru checked around the track, checked the Great Dunes, no one there had seen her, either. Is Tali feeling that guilty about the spear? Everyone watched the tape back, it was by accident, she has nothing to feel bad about.

The group argues about that a bit. Tali went out there when she wasn’t supposed to. And even if it was an accident, she should still apologize, shouldn’t she? That’s a good point. Well, for now, they’ll just have to wait until Tali comes to them. For now, everyone needs to turn their attention to what’s coming: ThunderStruck.

The Gerudo Sisterhood double check the match card.

An Open Challenge for the Death Mountain Championship starts things off. Nabooru and Aveil tried to get that spot, but it seems someone already called their shot. Who do they think it was? Urbosa says, “Does it really matter? The Sisterhood will be right on the heels of the winner either way.” The others are all for that. Then The Dark Forces seem to be making moves. Cia has Ganon by her side, but who will Ruto have? Between Fin Balure and Bad Croc Scaly, she’s got strong choices, and Arrow Club could even parlay this tag match into a shot at the Termina Championship.

How’d Arrow Club figure out how to avoid Blood & Thunder this year? That’s anyone’s guess, but watching the UnderWorld Order battle it out with the rest of the Dark Forces will be just as much fun for the Sisterhood as it will be for the HPW Trios Champs. Kevin Gibdo, Volga, Zant and Wizzro aren’t exactly the friendliest bunch, but hopefully they give ReDead, Scaldera, Gomess & Death Sword the beating they deserve for all their underhanded moves. And it’d keep them from getting another chance at the HPW Trios titles at that.

The sore spot is the Triforce World Championship match. Yunobo has his shot at the title, and again Tali’s involvement in the Triple Threat cost the Sisterhood. But Link’s a three-time HPW Triforce Champion for a reason. For one, he won the Hyrule Warriors match, and he won the Eventide Challenge. Buliara points out that the other reason is that he lost the title along the way. If things come in threes, then will he lose a third time? Personally, Riju hopes not. She only survived that Beat the Clock Challenge against Link, and wants to settle things in a proper match. That’s also something the Sisterhood can get behind.

There’s thunder in the distance and they all look out the window to see a storm rolling across the desert. Thundra Plateau awaits, but who will rumble their way to victory?

My Thoughts:

Hooray for a hype article! Just imagine this as a really cool vignette video you’d see a major company put out. Also, I did need to keep the story of the Gerudo Sisterhood going, don’t want that slipping through the cracks. I’m feeling some intrigue as we move deeper into the Spring, this should be fun.

Let us know what you think on social media @ChairshotMedia and always remember to use the hashtag #UseYourHead!

Entertainment

Hockey Talk- Power Players [043024]

Hockey Talk reviews the action from the first round of the 2024 NHL Playoffs and looks forward to some intriguing matchups looming in the second round.

Published

2 days ago

April 30, 2024

David Ungar

On this week’s edition of Hockey Talk, the guys take a look at the first round of the 2024 NHL Playoffs. The best teams and highest seeds flexed their muscle during the opening round of the playoffs. Out East, it was Chalk City as the Rangers, Hurricanes, Bruins, and Panthers took firm control of their respective series. The West, on the other hand, was far less certain as most of those series were shaping up to be tough, hard-fought, battles to the very end. Which teams impressed the guys the most and which likely second round series are they most excited about? Tune in and find out!

Today’s hosts: Dave Ungar (@AttitudeAgg) and Patrick O’Dowd (@WrestlngRealist)

2024 NHL 1st Round Playoff Recap
The East goes according to form
The West is wild

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