Entertainment

Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu News! (6/30/20)

The Dark Forces have a message!

Published

4 years ago

June 30, 2020

Steven Mitchell

The Hyrule Pro-Wrestling Trios Champions have a message!

At the most recent HPW press conference, King Nicolas Foolyere Hyrule named the Eventide Challenge qualifiers, but also officially named contenders to the HPW Exquisite Championship and Trios Championships. Today, Cia and the Dark Forces posted a video in response to the news.

Cia again sits on a throne with Volga, Wizzro, Gibdo and ReDead lurking nearby. “Iron Knuckle, and The Dark Nuts. Or as you want to be called now, Forged. In. Violence. Nice name. Did it take you all year to come up with it?” Cia doesn’t mean to offend them, but even they have to be smart enough to realize they have no idea what they’re doing. They had to intimidate “a frail old man” to get this title shot. Iron Knuckle and the Dark Nuts have not done anything to deserve this shot at the HPW Trios Championships! Cia is 100% confident that her generals will “defend the honor of King Nicolas,” as well as successfully retain their titles. Volga tells Forged In Violence that he will “cook you alive inside those tin cans.” All Gibdo and ReDead add are creepy grumbles and heavy breathing.

“While we’re here,” Cia would like to address her opponent at Treasure Island, the HPW Goddess Champion, Midna. Midna thinks she’s hilarious hiding in some dark room somewhere, playing around on the computer, sending weird messages while barely going outside. “You got lucky in the tournament, you little imp!” They were on different sides of the bracket, and Midna had it easy compared to Cia. But now that they’ll finally have a match, Midna will see she’s “not a goddess, or even a Twilight Princess, whatever that is. You’re just a little weirdo!” On Eventide Island, Cia will shine as she finally has her treasure.

Naturally, Midna responds.

“Excuses, excuses.” Cia sure thinks she’s something, doesn’t she? If anyone’s lucky, it’s Cia. She won against Zelda while Zelda was pulling double duty, then won against her again after Zelda was powerbomb’d through a table. And if Cia wants to talk about playing around, Cia’s the one playing pretend that she’s the once and future Goddess of Hyrule. Cia needs to see things how they are, not how she wants them to be. Midna said it weeks ago, but maybe she has to say it again so it sinks in. “You aren’t going to win relying on cronies. You’re going to be all alone on Treasure Island. Open your eyes and see the twilight.” The Twilight Emblem ends the message. Will it finally get through to the Dark Sorceress?

My Thoughts:

Anyone getting Zelina Vega vibes from Cia? Because that’s kinda who I’m going for with her promos. Somewhere between Zelina and Alexa Bliss, the two shortest, sassiest superstars who do great as Heels, both as wrestlers and managers. Meanwhile, I’m just trying to keep Midna as Midna, her own kind of sassy. Maybe Midna should be the Alexa Bliss in this, who can be sassy even as a Face. And for those who know more about Midna from the Legend of Zelda games, I’m sure you’re wondering which form we’re getting at Treasure Island. You’ll just have to wait and see, because even I’m not sure which I want to use.

Let us know what you think on social media @ChairshotMedia and always remember to use the hashtag #UseYourHead!

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Entertainment

Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu News Report! (5/1/24)

The Gerudo Sisterhood is (not) fine.

Published

22 hours ago

May 1, 2024

Steven Mitchell

Mayday! Mayday!

The Triforce Anniversary did not go their way, and now The Gerudo Sisterhood sits down to talk it out. Will things (not) be okay again?

The Gerudo Sisterhood meet up.

In Gerudo Town, Riju sits in the throne room, Buliara by her side. Aveil, Nabooru and Urbosa arrive together. Riju asks where Tali and Shabonne are, and Aveil says she has no idea. Nabooru and Urbosa also don’t know, no one’s heard from either all month. Did she go back to sand seal racing? Nabooru checked around the track, checked the Great Dunes, no one there had seen her, either. Is Tali feeling that guilty about the spear? Everyone watched the tape back, it was by accident, she has nothing to feel bad about.

The group argues about that a bit. Tali went out there when she wasn’t supposed to. And even if it was an accident, she should still apologize, shouldn’t she? That’s a good point. Well, for now, they’ll just have to wait until Tali comes to them. For now, everyone needs to turn their attention to what’s coming: ThunderStruck.

The Gerudo Sisterhood double check the match card.

An Open Challenge for the Death Mountain Championship starts things off. Nabooru and Aveil tried to get that spot, but it seems someone already called their shot. Who do they think it was? Urbosa says, “Does it really matter? The Sisterhood will be right on the heels of the winner either way.” The others are all for that. Then The Dark Forces seem to be making moves. Cia has Ganon by her side, but who will Ruto have? Between Fin Balure and Bad Croc Scaly, she’s got strong choices, and Arrow Club could even parlay this tag match into a shot at the Termina Championship.

How’d Arrow Club figure out how to avoid Blood & Thunder this year? That’s anyone’s guess, but watching the UnderWorld Order battle it out with the rest of the Dark Forces will be just as much fun for the Sisterhood as it will be for the HPW Trios Champs. Kevin Gibdo, Volga, Zant and Wizzro aren’t exactly the friendliest bunch, but hopefully they give ReDead, Scaldera, Gomess & Death Sword the beating they deserve for all their underhanded moves. And it’d keep them from getting another chance at the HPW Trios titles at that.

The sore spot is the Triforce World Championship match. Yunobo has his shot at the title, and again Tali’s involvement in the Triple Threat cost the Sisterhood. But Link’s a three-time HPW Triforce Champion for a reason. For one, he won the Hyrule Warriors match, and he won the Eventide Challenge. Buliara points out that the other reason is that he lost the title along the way. If things come in threes, then will he lose a third time? Personally, Riju hopes not. She only survived that Beat the Clock Challenge against Link, and wants to settle things in a proper match. That’s also something the Sisterhood can get behind.

There’s thunder in the distance and they all look out the window to see a storm rolling across the desert. Thundra Plateau awaits, but who will rumble their way to victory?

My Thoughts:

Hooray for a hype article! Just imagine this as a really cool vignette video you’d see a major company put out. Also, I did need to keep the story of the Gerudo Sisterhood going, don’t want that slipping through the cracks. I’m feeling some intrigue as we move deeper into the Spring, this should be fun.

Let us know what you think on social media @ChairshotMedia and always remember to use the hashtag #UseYourHead!

Entertainment

Hockey Talk- Power Players [043024]

Hockey Talk reviews the action from the first round of the 2024 NHL Playoffs and looks forward to some intriguing matchups looming in the second round.

Published

2 days ago

April 30, 2024

David Ungar

On this week’s edition of Hockey Talk, the guys take a look at the first round of the 2024 NHL Playoffs. The best teams and highest seeds flexed their muscle during the opening round of the playoffs. Out East, it was Chalk City as the Rangers, Hurricanes, Bruins, and Panthers took firm control of their respective series. The West, on the other hand, was far less certain as most of those series were shaping up to be tough, hard-fought, battles to the very end. Which teams impressed the guys the most and which likely second round series are they most excited about? Tune in and find out!

Today’s hosts: Dave Ungar (@AttitudeAgg) and Patrick O’Dowd (@WrestlngRealist)

2024 NHL 1st Round Playoff Recap
The East goes according to form
The West is wild

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