Rey Ca$h writes a letter to the most infamous man in wrestling history – Vincent Kennedy McMahon – to make the signing of a lifetime – Jay White!

Dear Vince,

How’ve you been?  It’s been a while since we last talked.  Probably since the meetings; ya know, the meetings you have with all the internet fans you pay to stick up for you?  Anyway, I’ve been doing ok.  Just been trying to fight a pandemic, not trying to get laid off…oh yeah, sorry about that…and watching this nonsense going on in our country, specifically the Capitol.  You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that, would you?

Anyway, I know you’re a busy man, so I’m going to make this fast.  Have you ever heard of the wrestler named Jay White?  I know you notoriously don’t know anybody but your own wrestlers, and sometimes not even them, but ya gotta see this guy!  My goodness, he’s everything you’d want in a superstar!  He’s white!

Oh, right, he’s also really, really good.  He’s a good-looking kid from New Zealand, with good size (6’1, 220 lbs.), and a tremendous promo ability.  He’s basically been one of the top guys in that company in Japan you’ve never heard of; you know, the one that AJ and Shinsuke came from.  Not Dixie’s company, the other one.  But you know what’s his biggest asset?  He’s 28!  I mean this guy has won that Japanese company’s main championship, faced and beat all of their top stars, and main evented their WrestleMania show.  All in a little more than two years!  He’s almost pushed as hard as you pushed Roman years ago!  Ha, just kidding.

We all know that’s Okada.

Anyway, I need you to do me a solid and sign this dude.  Think about it.  A 28 year old, good looking, traditional top star who’s fantastic in the ring and even better on the microphone!  This is what you’ve been looking for!  Hell, you let Triple H have like 4 NXT’s trying to FIND a guy like Jay White!  Here he is, already made and ready to go.  You don’t have to do any work, just like the old days!

Speaking of Triple H, I don’t even mind if he goes to NXT.  Hell, we all know that’s where he’d fare the best.  You’ll push him, of course, but there’s no telling when his accent will piss you off or Bruce will inevitably start to hate him because he wrestles too well or some bullshit like that.  So, if we have to let him go to NXT, fine, I’ll take it.  Who am I kidding?  I’d love it!  Still, whatever it takes, kind of like that coup that I’m sure you know nothing about.  Seriously, what was that?  Maybe you should ask Linda…

Despite what I just said, I want Jay to come to the main roster.  And I think he should debut in the Rumble.  And win that thing.  And go to WrestleMania and win the WWE Championship.  Think about it.  It took you 6 years to get Roman unanimously loved, 7 if you ignore the cancer, and you had to fire ol’ Drew to make up for that “Chosen One” thing.  Really glad that one actually ended up working out.  So, you can add a new top star to the list of Roman, Drew, and…um…Seth?  AJ?  Goldberg?  Seriously, stop bringing back Goldberg!  If you sign Jay, you don’t ever have to bring Billy back ever again!  Hell, you can stop paying Brock the GDP of a small country to stop farming and hit F5’s!  Jay White solves so many of your problems!

And the fans will LOVE you for it!  Don’t look that up.  Just trust me.

Anyway, like I said earlier, I know that you’re a busy man.  I just wanted to give my ol’ pal some advice.  Jay White is the future of wrestling, living in the current age.  And he can be YOUR future.  Sign the man, Vince.  And use him correctly.  Please.  I promise you it’ll be one of the best decisions you’ve ever made.  Like the XFL reboot.  Or Tout.

OK, not like those.

Seriously, did Linda know??

Your Friend and Confidante,

$

Reymond Cashinton, Esq.