Talking Smack has the Role Model!

DING DONG, HELLO~! Bayley joins Talking Smack, as does the Swiss Cyborg and Great Liberator! Will Cesaro have big news from Friday night to speak on?

Kayla Braxton welcomes us back to the show!

Wild to think WrestleMania was only 12 days ago, and now we’re already headed for #WrestleManiaBacklash. But she knows Paul Heyman knows that, given how SmackDown ended. But how is Heyman doing? Heyman looks to the camera, then to Kayla, and asks if she really cares. She admits not really. Then he’s supposed to just sit here and talk back? “Kayla, how’ve you been? I’ve been thinking about you all week long.” Okay that’s a bit much. Maybe Heyman is salty after what happened on SmackDown. But they need to get to business.

Why would he be salty? Heyman likes salt! He’s Jewish, he grew up at a deli, everything he ate was salty. The pastrami was salty, the corned beef was salty, the knish was salty. And if you don’t know what that is, google it because Heyman isn’t here to educate you, (beep). “Salty” isn’t an insult. Well whatever he just said was. Kayla please ask he be a cohost and not himself. Well he could never fit into her shoes. His feet aren’t that big. But Kayla brings up Tamina & Natty and the roll they’re on. They won Tag Team Turmoil, didn’t win the titles, but have since gotten wins over Nia & Shayna. Is this her segueing out of what he was talking about? Is he bothering her by talking over her. Because some people talk smack, hence the name of this show.

Kayla keeps on with the recap, and that now that each member has defeated the champions individually, another tag title shot is surely in the future of Tamina & Natty. How “sugary” of Kayla to say. Well, still continuing on, Bayley will have a title shot at Bianca Belair at WrestleMania Backlash, and Bayley will be here to talk about that. Another guest will be Sami Zayn, maybe he’ll teach us his dance moves. And of course, the first guest is the one who challenged Roman Reigns but was rejected, it is the Swiss Cyborg!

Cesaro joins Talking Smack!

Cesaro stands right in front of Heyman and Heyman asks he take a seat, but Cesaro doesn’t. “Please be a professional, which you are, always have been.” They shake hands, and Heyman says he does like Cesaro. Their interests conflict, but Heyman’s always liked and respected and been willing to work with Cesaro. Heyman got the better of the deal, this is just business. But the problem here is, there’s a pecking order. Roman Reigns is the Tribal Chief. Cesaro doesn’t get to talk to Roman, he talks to the Right Hand Man, Jey Uso. If Jey Uso allows it, Cesaro can talk to Heyman as Special Counsel to the Tribal Chief.

And if Heyman approves, he will have Roman Reigns give an audience to Cesaro. What Heyman feels is irrelevant. Roman Reigns’ opinion says that Cesaro’s words are not worthy or reaching Roman’s ears. Yes, Cesaro wants his attention! But- Cesaro shakes Heyman’s hand again, pats him on the shoulder, and then gets very serious. Heyman is a bit worried, but Cesaro is a statue as he stares Heyman down. Cesaro sets Heyman’s hand down on the table, pats it, and lets go to slowly walk away. Was a message sent through that handshake?

Kayla says THAT is what being professional looks like. There’s still a lot of Talking Smack left, and we will be back with the Role Model as she’s set to go for the SmackDown Women’s Championship.

Talking Smack returns, with Heyman deep in thought.

“You know what Cesaro’s problem is? He’s arrogant. Who the hell does he think he is?!” Heyman isn’t going to piss Cesaro off? He’s been pissing people off in this industry for 34 years! And in life, several years more than that! The hell does Cesaro think he’s doing not letting Heyman get under his skin? Heyman always gets under your skin, and will make this personal. When he offends you, you sell it! Moving on! Kayla says it’s clear who got under whose skin. But apologies to their guest on stand-by, it is the longest reigning SmackDown Women’s Champion, Bayley! Bayley walks over, Kayla apologizes and so does Heyman.

Heyman apologizes that this is her experience this week on this show. Kayla says this is cutting into Bayley’s time. Bayley says she and Kayla are done, but she will stay for Heyman. Kayla likes Bayley’s Sami shirt. Is she a fan? Who isn’t? She did his dance moves just now. Open your eyes, close your mouth. But carry on. Kayla isn’t so sure anymore. Bayley is going to be Bianca Belair’s first challenger, walk us through that mentality. Does Bayley think she’s ready? Does she…? Kayla said it herself, Bayley is the longest reigning SmackDown Women’s Champion in history!

Bayley beat Becky Lynch, Charlotte Flair, Sasha Banks, Alexa Bliss and Naomi! They’re all great, but they’re not Bayley! And neither is Bianca. The honeymoon phase is DONE FOR! Bayley’s back! Bianca had some luck in the Women’s Royal Rumble, had a LOT of luck against Sasha at Mania. Bayley’s beaten Sasha so many times, yet you don’t see her with balloons and dancing with her husband. Get a life! This is a profession! This isn’t you at home. And now Bianca is back in the ring with Bayley! Kayla does want to talk Sasha, a former champion, future hall of famer and Bayley’s former tag partner. When Bayley watched that match, did she think Bianca would win?

Bayley was watching as part of the crowd because she’s such an amazing supporter of the Women’s Division, and wanted to see her competition. But do you know what Bayley has done at WrestleMania? She’s defended her titles successfully! Not Sasha! Bayley was a finalist in the Women’s Battle Royal, she’s hosted the show, she’s done it all! Bianca’s gotten a good start but Bayley will crash the party! Where will “Tez” be then? Is he going to pick Bayley up and help her back to gorilla? Give her a hug? Will Kayla be there? Heyman will be there to celebrate with Bayley! Kayla says Heyman only cares about Roman.

Heyman cuts Kayla off and says Kayla is showing “Bayley envy.” She wears it on her sleeve, she should get a tattoo that says “Bayley envy.” Kayla shrugs that off to recap how they talked on SmackDown, and how Bayley used the same word Sasha did in reference to Bianca, and that is, “Rookie.” But Bianca is clearly not just that. She’s a formidable opponent for everyone in the Women’s Division, and Bayley was starting to say nice things, then she came back and laughed in Bianca’s face. Bayley thought it was funny that Bianca bought her nice act.

This is the only time Bayley will say this: she has some respect, which is why she wants to have a match with her. We saw what Bianca can do at Mania, Bayley has had matches and obstacle courses, she’s seen Bianca back in NXT. And Bayley isn’t scared. What Bianca has done doesn’t top what Bayley has built! Bayley is the Women’s Division, Bianca is just a smidge, and Bianca isn’t getting past Bayley. Heyman claps and encourages everyone else to join in. Kayla says the rest of that is piped in. Bayley does “The Sami,” and Kayla thanks Bayley for her time.

Heyman again apologizes for Kayla and thanks Bayley for being on the show. Heyman even offers to take care of her mic. And when we come back, we will have the man who invented those dance moves, THE Sami Zayn!

Sami Zayn joins Talking Smack!

“The resident conspiracy theorist,” The Great Liberator is here, and Sami asks if it is always a pleasure? And why is he a “theorist?” He’s PROVEN the conspiracy in his documentary that is not yet released but will be. There is a difference between a conspiracy and a conspiracy theory. He is a victim of a conspiracy, as proven by Heyman once upon a time. Heyman agrees, it is not conspiracy theory but conspiracy fact. Thank you, Heyman! Heyman says it’s like a UFO. It isn’t a rumor. Sami says that’s a slippery slope, let’s not talk UFO’s. But when you say Sami is a “conspiracy theorist,” that’s a “very WWE” move.

It’s a tactic used by corporate propagandists to marginalize those who speak truth to power. But when you brush him off, it’s you saying, “Here’s a goof! Here’s a crazy a crackpot!” But Sami says he’s in a great mood so he won’t get upset. Let’s just skip the “theorist” part. Sure… Thank you! Does Sami feel like dancing? Oh you want to talk his dance moves? Heyman likes the moves, but says Kayla loves the dance moves. Kayla wants to dance with Sami! Kayla defends that she did say on SmackDown that she would never be tired of those moves. Bayley had a shirt with them on it. Kayla gets a laugh out of the replay as Sami says, “Here’s the thing about dancing…” Dancing can’t really be taught. You can teach dance at schools but you either have rhythm or you don’t. It comes from the soul.

And the joy that comes from Sami’s soul when he watched Kevin Owens get hit with the Nigerian Nail, maybe damaging his throat, it wasn’t good for Kevin. That rhythm in Sami’s soul came out. Heyman wants Sami to show off his moves, just not on the table. No, there’s a time and a place. Sami isn’t your dancing monkey. No, it’s just Sami can let loose. Sami says he had pure, unadulterated joy, you can’t quantify it. Sami is dance. He is the spirit of dance. Kayla wants that on a shirt: Sami is Dance. But Sami is also a truth teller and world class athlete. Heyman is upset, he wanted Sami to dance for the good of the show. Sami says he doesn’t want to now. Sorry, Paul.

Kayla asks what is next for Sami, but then Heyman brings it in for a hug. This is the weirdest episode yet… Sami is reluctant to, but he does move in to hug Heyman. Heyman then says Sami should hug Kayla. No, he’ snot hugging Kayla! They hug after all! Sami says he did need that. And now Kayla doesn’t get any hugs! Well luckily, we’re moving on, and after the break, Heyman will have his final word.

Talking Smack returns once more!

Kayla recaps that next Friday, we have a WWE Universal Championship, Roman Reigns VS Daniel Bryan one more time! But there’s a special condition: If Bryan loses, he must leave SmackDown! And with that, the floor is Heyman’s. Heyman taps his phone on the desk as he stares the camera down. “The most declaratively dominant pinfall in the history of WrestleMania main events. Roman… Reigns. What did he do to Daniel Bryan and Edge? Smash ’em, stack ’em, rack ’em, pin ’em, pack ’em. And that’s what Roman Reigns is going to do to Daniel Bryan, who just doesn’t get it through his damn, thick skull.

“Next week, Roman Reigns will put the Universal Championship on the line. Daniel Bryan wins, he’s the new champion. And he can go defend it against his buddy, Cesaro, all he wants~! If Roman Reigns wins, and I assure you, Roman Reigns will win, that’s it for Daniel Bryan. he’s outta here. He’s not coming back like the midnight rider. He’s out! O-U-T. Gone. Banished from SmackDown. No more Daniel Bryan. No more Bryan Danielson. No more American Dragon. No more Brie Bella’s Baby Daddy around here. Gone! Finished! Kaput! Out the damn window, in the history books, someone to remember when you say, ‘Tell me something about Roman Reigns and the people he victimized, that he imposed his will on as the Tribal Chief, the End All Be All, the Reigns-ing, Defending, Undisputed, Uncontroverted, WWE Universal Heavyweight Champion, the Head of the Table.”

If you’re a fan of Daniel Bryan, Heyman encourages you, implores you, to watch next Friday night, live on SmackDown. It’s the last chance you’ll ever see Daniel Bryan in action. Bryan pushed the Tribal Chief too far. He didn’t learn at WrestleMania, and here are the consequences. And that is absolutely, positively guaranteed. “You will witness the greatness of the Goat, the Greatest of All Time, THE most dominant champion in WWE history. You will experience Roman… Reigns.” Phone drop and Talking Smack is out. Will Bryan be out of luck and out of a job after next week?

My Thoughts:

Another great Talking Smack here, and this time it was uploaded on time. Cesaro cutting Heyman’s rant on him short was actually great stuff. Cesaro is not so easily shaken, won’t be easily shaken, and will certainly use actions rather than words to give as good as he gets. Not that Cesaro can’t talk, he does know multiple languages, but he’s very calm as a personality so he won’t be tearing into someone verbally the way Heyman does. Bayley had a good segment doing another weird cross between putting Bianca over just to then bury her and put herself over more. I wonder if we’ll get another episode of Ding Dong Hello on SmackDown to do more of this.

Sami Zayn had a great segment, and I really liked him talking about how he is no longer a conspiracy theorist because he’s supposedly proven his theory as fact. And him going on about his dancing, too, that was good stuff. We should just call his moves, “The Sami.” That shirt Bayley wore is available on Sami’s site for Syrian aid relief and it is great, definitely get yourself one. But Kayla was probably right, this was the weirdest Talking Smack if only for this segment.

Heyman’s ending segment was great, as they always are because he has been great for those 34 years he mentioned. Bryan has expressed wanting to step back from full-time wrestling, as much as he loves it, and clearly next week’s match will be how it happens in kayfabe, but that thing better be the majority of the second hour to make it as big as they want it to feel.