Andrew’s Judgmental Album Reviews: Action Bronson – Cocodrillo Turbo (2022)

Remember last week when I said there were a few albums I was interested in this month, and instead I picked the hot garbage from Three Days Grace? Well I’m fairly sure we’ll be remedying that this week.

Now, I can’t be the only person that got swept up in his laid back stoner delivery on all his VICELAND shows, right? I didn’t know who the hell he was until a few years ago between Fuck, That’s Delicious and his ridiculous skit/talk show. So with that context on how I found out about him, I kinda forgot he did music. So as soon as I saw he had a recent release, it was on my short list to follow up on.

I’m looking forward to some trippy, borderline nonsensical stoner thoughts over a beat machine. And if it’s even better than that, well that’s all gravy.

• Artist: Action Bronson
• Album: Cocodrillo Turbo (2022)
• Label: Loma Vista
• Total Track Time: 30:03

Hound Dog starts off with some glass shattering and a slow trippy surfer guitar tone…with lions roaring as well? Okay this is the stoner vibe I was looking for, already hitting it out the park. Not a ton to this intro song, but it’s definitely fun, lyrics about giraffes on his back, naked smoking drugs in a downpour or something. I’d say this sets the stage nicely. Tongpo feat Conway the Machine the surfer guitar sticks around along with a little…recorder noise and that damn lion roar. ” And I’m your bitch’s first selection when it comes to penis, Have her squirting in the car while we listen to a T-Pain G-Mix, Come down the spiral staircase like hair on Hasidics, hail Caesar” , I popped way too hard for the spiral staircase like hair on Hasidics line, but it’s an interest few lines. Conway does have a great line, “Now I beat up mics like Shaq and Penny – Magic (Talk to ’em)”, it’s nice wordplay and shouting out the 90s Magic is something you don’t hear much since they were relevant for like 3 years and then imploded. Estaciones feat Hologram it’s slower with piano, and its one of those clever songs I just sit and listen to. The second verse sounds like it’s going to be Hologram‘s but Bronson jumps in for a few bars and then finishes the verse by apologizing and telling him to go again, so the first few lines of the third verse are exactly the same from Hologram. It’s just good comedy, granted Hologram’s lyrics are kind of cliche and uninspired. Not awful just the lyrical version of a layup.

Jaws is the shortest song on the album, but really well put together and clever talking about babyface turned heel and snortin coke with Michael Irvin. Solid bars. Subzero feels like some crazy string of barely connecting thoughts that circle around to him just being a cold piece of work. Lionel Richie, James Brown, John Wick and John Randle lines. Turkish feat Meyhem Lauren a weird backing track, but it definitely works. “Have you holding something frozen on your cheek, Swinging double hundred pound clubs from Persia like The Sheik”, it’s also really cool how he finds interesting ways to fit in less obvious wrestlers. We know from his talk show that he’s big into wrestling since Rob Van Dam and Sabu were on it (just off the top of my head). Jaguar holy hell this is a great song and maybe it’s been a jaguar in the background of songs and not a lion. I’m not super up on my “Large cats of the wilderness growls”. But great metaphors, spinning a fat joke about looking like a bison into, “Nah, I’m M Bison” and even throws in a mention to Edge about jumping off ladders. Just a smooth song that cuts with every bar. And soo damn many references.

Zambezi feat Roc Marciano for a change the feature actually goes clever with his verse instead of stupid. Marciano hits a New Edition Candy Girl reference throwing in a little Led Zeppelin as well. This just has a funky but really laid back vibe, and just moves super easy from the start to finish. Groovy stuff. Ninety One well now I wasn’t expecting these first few lines, “They say Bronson disappeared like the AIDS from Magic Johnson’s dick, Truth be told, I been rehearsing for a role but daddy back, The Cadillac, could fit like eighty Shaqs, eleven baby MACs, five scud missiles, Let the cocodrillo tongue kiss you (Mwah)”, all of this over some like Jackson 5/Motown style sample beat. A string of great references and metaphors, just still left a little dazed from how hard the open started. Storm of the Century feat Yung Mehico this feels like more a lounge song with the slow and deliberate guitar strum, and it turns out that Yung Mehico plays the saxophone. Bronson goes through one verse and we head out with the guitar strum and a bit of the saxophone.

I think…I got what I expected. His shows were a string of references, random stuff, wrestling, drugs and just massive stoner thoughts. This…this felt like the same; that’s not really a bad thing. At points I felt like the overuse of the “TURBO” in the quieter parts of the songs was jarring and not in a good way, but that’s not a major complaint. Jaguar is probably still my favorite song off this, but Estaciones with that interruption verse is just quality entertainment.

So yeah it was an experience, if I didn’t already have an idea for his personality/style, this would probably be a bit of a disjointed mess (you know if I took the super pretentious music snob route). But given what I know, this was pretty damn good, great references, cold bars, and relatable at least for me since it was 90s centric wordplay.

Final Judgment: 7.65/10