Andrew’s IMPACT Wrestling Results & Match Ratings: 9.22.2022

Tonight should be interesting! We get a Ladder Match for the Digital Media title, a number one contender match for the Tag Team Titles and a little bit of a preview for the revolver match tomorrow.

Capped off with the contract signing, things will either get really interesting or tread water a bit. I guess there’s only one way to find out. So let’s start with a little bit of the Kane level of a creepy from Killer Kelly.

.@Kelly_WP wants to play…but @RealTSteelz will wait until #VictoryRoad tomorrow night. #IMPACTonAXSTV pic.twitter.com/AsORpBQ9MW

— IMPACT (@IMPACTWRESTLING) September 23, 2022

Ratings:

• Digital Media Championship – Ladder Match: Bhupinder Gujjar vs Brian Myers (c): Myers retains – ** 3/4
• Jordynne Grace vs Zicky Dice w/Johnny Swinger: Jordynne wins via Grace Driver – Squash
• 5 Way X Division Match: Mia Yim vs Black Taurus vs Laredo Kid vs Trey Miguel vs Alex Zayne: Taurus wins via Destination Hell Hole – ***
• Open Challenge Street Fight: Heath vs PCO: Heath wins via Wake Up Call – ** 1/2
• Aussie Open vs Motor City Machine Guns: MCMG win via Skull and Bones – *** 1/4

Results:

Digital Media Championship – Ladder Match: Bhupinder Gujjar vs Brian Myers (c)

Myers decides to try to lead by talking before Gujjar just goes after him with heavy strikes, Samoan Drop and some solid offense. Gujjar sets up for the moron perched Spear and Myers counters it with a Jumping Knee. A little jockeying back and forth for a ladder, but Myers keeps momentum, hits a Backdrop on the apron and sets up the first ladder in the middle.

Gujjar slides in, lays in some heavy forearms, sweeps his leg and catches the falling Myers with a Cutter. Moron Perched Spear again…this time it connects with Myers bouncing off the ladder and powdering out. It takes him a minute, but Gujjar tries to climb the ladder and Myers rushes in to tip over the ladder sending him and ladder bouncing off the ropes. Myers drops the ladder on Gujjar’s head and sets up the ladder in the corner. Gujjar plays the roll on the pinball and starts careening off of ladders and corners.

Ahh okay nonsense spots begin! Myers grabs a second ladder, Gujjar sets up the original ladder and we have the stupid “slug it out while on two different ladders” spot. Myers gets knocked down, Gujjar can’t take advantage and Myers recovers almost immediately for an elevated Backdrop Driver. So…purely useless and just done for a spot. Third ladder leaned against the steps, little bit of a fight, and then Myers lands the Kevin Nash style Jacknife Powerbomb on the third ladder.

They stumble back in, Gujjar hits a desperation Superkick, tries to climb the ladder but Myers hits the Uppercut to the nuts and then tapes Gujjar’s leg to the ladder. So instead of fighting Myers as he was climbing, Gujjar just helplessly struggles to try and get his leg out while Myers grabs his title.

The finish was clever, but stupid and we saw some dumb spots for the sake of spots; but it wasn’t awful, especially given Gujjar’s inexperience. 

Jordynne Grace vs Zicky Dice w/Johnny Swinger

This got set up last week since Zicky and Swinger were setting up the classic porn pizza delivery and Zicky’s mouth got him in trouble. So he gets dominated by Jordynne and they return to the dungeon.

Yeah all of this is tags on Pornhub, a lot like Rhea & Dom Mysterio.

5 Way X Division Match: Mia Yim vs Black Taurus vs Laredo Kid vs Trey Miguel vs Alex Zayne

While I’m generally disinterested in most of the wrestlers here, I do enjoy Mia’s theme song. All four guys go after each other so Mia waits, works with Alex and Trey for a moment and then it breaks down. Trey and Alex go into the leg pick, counter style that is very video game, and very boring. Mia waits for them to pause and pose and hits a Double Dropkick.

Black Taurus slides in to interrupt Mia’s offense and just headbutts her into next week. So Lucha time when Laredo kid pop up. Frankensteiner to the outside for Laredo, Alex and Trey decide to fly together to set up the pile spot for Mia’s Senton. Again, basic indy Cruiser stuff that is kinda lame, boring and predictable.

Now is the point when everyone gets some form of offense in and there’s a lot of flashy moves and then they all fall down. Mia does land a Powerbomb on Alex Zayne which is unexpected. Protecc Ya Neck from Mia, but Laredo Kid and Trey intercept. Taurus eats Trey for a snack, but Laredo Kid lands a Superkick causing the bull to powder. Laredo tries the Corkscrew Moonsault Press, and crashes and burns. Cinnamon Twist from Zayne catches knees. Destination Hell Hole from Black Taurus and the bull wins!

I’ve learned because most of the Western cruisers have literally no personality or its always the same “high flying daredevil” type, these matches are boring and paint by numbers. Mia’s involvement helps, the Lucha element is always volatile and tomorrow’s Revolver match has Frankie Kazarian, so at least there’s reasons to care. 

I believe in @joehendry. #IMPACTonAXSTV pic.twitter.com/PJoucf6Zki

— IMPACT (@IMPACTWRESTLING) September 23, 2022

I believe in Joe Hendry. 

Open Challenge Street Fight: Heath vs PCO

PCO comes down, then Honor No More cuts off his entrance and Eddie tells PCO this is not his fight. Gets in his face, pulls the “you belong to me” line while Heath is trying to goad the French Canadian Frankenstein. PCO pushes through Honor No More and comes down to start the match. 

Heath hits the Plancha immediately, but Vincent stuck around, so Heath is immediately out numbered. Going up the ramp and then outside to a staging area, we get a very awkward and very dark set up for some kind of spot off a stage.

There we go, after a DDT from Heath onto the stage, the flings PCO into a few rows of nicely place chairs. So while I don’t like the lightning, pacing or spot selection; it’s what one expects with PCO and hardcore rules. Honor No More walk out while PCO recovers and then we see Josh Alexander and Rich Swann hit the ring to even up the odds a little.

Josh and Rich get most of them, focus on Eddie Edwards but Vincent tries to take advantage of the bedlam. Chairshot, Orange Sunshine attempt, but Heath counters and hits a Wake Up Call. PCO rises from the chairs like the Shredder from Teenager Mutant Ninja Turtles, and while draped in chairs, starts throwing them at Heath. Heath charges once PCO gets in, eats a Chokeslam. PCO piles up the chairs, puts on the glove, Mandible Claw onto the pile of chairs.

PCO-SAULT crashes and burns on all the chairs. Wake Up Call onto the pile and Heath wins!

For all of the opening jawing, this was fairly paint by numbers.

Aussie Open vs Motor City Machine Guns

Shelley starts off against Fletcher. Fletcher tries to impose his height, but Shelley hits him with multiple arm breakers, tag, quick spots and Sabin even takes a shot at the arm. Davis gets tagged in as per the usual Japanese tag openings. Very rarely do we see the opening salvo be a lot of isolation, everyone usually gets a chance to play before isolations tactics get applied.

Davis rattles Sabin a little with a Backhand Chop, but a blind tag, tandem Guns classic offense levels Davis, stops Fletcher’s interference and they play a little rope a dope. Stereo apron attacks from the Guns and we get to see that MCMG swagger.

Davis sandwiches Shelley, Fletcher gets cute, we see both teams try to help save one another in locomotion corner spots before Aussie Open both catch the smaller guns and give them the old Squisher before the commercial break. The Aussie’s maintaining control as we come back to a Delayed Vertical Suplex, VERY Delayed. Davis tries a Senton but Shelley rolls away and finally looks for daylight. Fletcher goes for the block but Sabin gets in anyway.

Hot tag flurry from Sabin with a Missile Dropkick, PK and a big High Fly Flow for 2. Shelley slips in for high impact tandem offense, Flatliner/Missile Dropkick combo, again, only 2. Fletcher hits a desperation Driver, Tandem Gutbuster/Cutter from Aussie for 2. Assisted Iconoclasm, but also only 2. Both teams have hit bigger tandem moves, trying to impose their tag superiority.

Corealis attempt, but Sabin fights out with a Tornado DDT. High Speed Dirt, Double Yakuza in the corner, Skull and Bones…for the win!

Is handing off the torch to @GiseleShaw08 the "most important contribution" of @MickieJames' career? #IMPACTonAXSTV pic.twitter.com/f2GWdkD7Uy

— IMPACT (@IMPACTWRESTLING) September 23, 2022

Ahh we’ve got the contract signing main event, or in this regard; the “Hold Harmless” agreement. Sami shows up a little late with smarmy things to say, pulls out a pen wrapped in barbed wire, which is just TOO gimmicky and stupid. There’s a fine line between ridiculous parody amusement and going to far to the point of stupid. This is stupid, then we get a big brawl. 

Overall Score: 6/10

Last few episodes have been a bit uninspired, with mediocre matches and no real story to sink my teeth in to. The draw of the big triple threat is just the violence, but they’ve done so many hardcore matches in the last 3 or 4 years, it’s a little old. That’s not to say I don’t enjoy Moose, Sami and Maclin on their own; this story has just dragged a bit. Also going from No DQ to Clockwork House of Fun, to Barbed Wire Massacre…it’s all the same and redundant.

Myers’ match felt like it was almost good, which I blame more on Gujjar’s vanilla personality and a few dumb spots. X Division style isn’t what it used to be. If I wanted to watch pointless flips and piles of people waiting for spots I’d go to more Indies, or watch AEW.

For people who only watch intermittently, this did explain how we get to the Victory Road card pretty well. But I’m just uninterested in the last few weeks is all. It’s kinda bad when the thing I popped the most for was Joe Hendry.