Entertainment

Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu News Report! (1/16/23)

Into the Thyphlo Ruins!

Published

2 years ago

January 16, 2023

Steven Mitchell

The UnderWorld Order… are good guys?

Knowing one of their own is in the Thyphlo Ruins, the UnderWorld Order prepares to enter the darkness to rescue him! Will they succeed?

The uWo gathers at the entrance.

Gomess, Death Sword, Hollywood Redead & Ted Beedle Ossi stand on the bridge that leads into the ruins from the West, the Drenan Highlands. There are backpacks filled with supplies all bought by Beedle. ReDead, Death Sword & Gomess carry the packs and head in. ReDead tells Beedle to come along, but he says he’ll wait outside. ReDead drags Beedle along and they cross the bridge. They pass by two bird statues, one with a lit torch. The shadows are already heavy just a few steps past this light. The four stand there, peering into the dark, but they can’t see anything. “Oh, c’mon, guys,” ReDead says. “We’re scarier than anything that could be in there.”

ReDead drags Beedle along, Gomess and Death Sword follow him. “Maybe if we stick along the right wall,” Death Sword says, “we’ll find our way through.” Gomess says, “That only works with mazes, man. These are ruins, cursed to be shrouded in darkness until the Age of Calamity.” Death Sword says, “Then it makes sense to hide something in here. How’re we ever going to find Alex?” ReDead says, “You follow the torches.” ReDead points up ahead to more torches. They walk forward, and Beedle cowers behind ReDead. The torches shine light on pillars nearby, but nothing else.

The group walks forward, and see torches to the right. The uWo heads that way, but then Keese fly at them! The uWo swat at the Keese, they fly away, but then skeletons bust out of the ground! They’re Stalfos! No, they’re Bokoblins! That makes them STALKOBLINS! One points at the uWo and shouts, “YOU SHALL NOT-” ReDead BOOTS the Stalkoblin! They brawl, 3v3, with Beedle staying in the light of a torch while screaming! ReDead brawls with the second Stalkoblin while Gomess stomps the first, leaving Death Sword to go after the third. Death Sword RAMS his Stalkoblin into a partially damaged wall!

ReDead gets the edge on his Stalkoblin with big haymakers! ReDead backs the Stalkoblin down to a pillar, but then the Stalkoblin dodges and ReDead punches the pillar! ReDead clutches the bad hand and Stalkoblin #2 hits a JAWBREAKER! Gomess drags Stalkoblin #1 up to clamp on a SLEEPER! Death Sword stomps Stalkoblin #3 against the wall, then coordinates with Gomess. Gomess shoves Stalkoblin #1 at Death Sword and Death Sword pops him right up! POWERBOMB TO GERMAN SUPLEX! Stalkoblin #1 quite literally falls to pieces, but then Stalkoblin #3 jumps onto Death Sword’s back!

Death Sword grabs at Stalkoblin #3 but Gomess helps pull him down. Gomess ROCKS Stalkoblin #3, Death Sword pops him back up, but Stalkoblin #3 RANAS Death Sword into Gomess! Stalkoblin #3 then rushes at them both, but Death Sword moves and Gomess UPPERCUTS Stalkoblin #3! Death Sword reels Stalkoblin #3 into a dragon sleeper! Gomess gets the legs, and they hit an ELBOW DROP SPINEBUSTER COMBO! Stalkoblin #3 breaks apart, too, and the uWo focus on Stalkoblin #2. Stalkoblin #2 fires off on ReDead, but ReDead kicks him away. Stalkoblin #2 staggers into a forearm from Gomess and a BOOT from Death Sword!

ReDead scoops Stalkoblin for a SLAM! But there’s no ropes! Gomess & Death Sword hold hands to become the rope so ReDead can rebound off them! DEAD LEG!! This Stalkoblin falls apart now, the uWo have won the brawl! But Beedle is still screaming. ReDead goes over and tells him to stop it already. ReDead ushers Beedle along, and the group continues south, to where they can see more torches. And as they approach, more Stalkoblins emerge from the ground! ReDead keeps Beedle from running away while Death Sword sighs. “Tell me again why we didn’t bring Skull Kid along on this?” Gomess says, “He’s getting ready for the tournament.”

“It doesn’t matter,” ReDead says. “We’re going to get through this, because we have to. For Alex. But there’s also no sense in holding back, so…” Out of their packs, Gomess brings out his scythe, Death Sword brings out his, well, sword, and ReDead brings out his sword and shield. ReDead tells Beedle to protect himself with the shield, “I’m gonna two hand this one!” The uWo roar and the Stalkoblins roar back as the next round begins! Will the UnderWorld Order win the battle to bring Alex out of the darkness?

My Thoughts:

Okay, I know I put the question mark in the title, because by comparison, a group fighting to bring back one of their own is a Face move. But whether or not they succeed here, don’t expect the uWo to return to the ring as Faces. And don’t worry, we’ll get the conclusion of this adventure as a segment during the Triforce Tournament.

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Entertainment

Mitchell’s Hyrule Puro-Resu News Report! (7/8/25)

Management has a decision to make!

Published

8 hours ago

July 8, 2025

Steven Mitchell

Set a course for Treasure Island, again!

Kage won the Beat the Clock Challenge, but he wants a shot at a title that’s already spoken for! How will HPW Management address his demands?

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A post shared by Steven Mitchell (@hyrulepuroresu)

The Eventide Challenge is set!

While the Hero’s Shadow won the Beat the Clock Challenge, Riju, Sidon, Onox, Donny B. Kool, Thunderbird and Ghirahim still won their matches, and are therefore entered into the annual Treasure Island tradition, the Eventide Challenge! But learning from last year, HPW will take no chances with the island and the weather, so it will once again be a Ladder Match! Whoever can climb above the others will be the NEW #1 contender to the Undisputed HPW Triforce World Championship, that title match set at Clash of Fates in October. Gerudo, Zora, Draconic, Geru, Rito, or… Uh, ghoul? Who will be headed for Hyrule Coliseum?

It’ll be all or nothing for the Desert Colossus!

As she and Shabonne discussed during Termina Velocity, Tali gets one more shot at Ladrona and the HPW Goddess Championship. If Tali loses, she can’t challenge for the title again until Ladrona loses it to someone else. Will Tali be able to take this title from The Thief Girl? Or will Ladrona tough it out to keep this treasure just out of Tali’s reach?

The MagicaLadies defend their gold!

Midna, Cia & Lana won the HPW World Trios Championships during ThunderStruck’s Blood & Thunder, and they’ve been showing off the side plates ever since. However, titles must be defended, and the Faces of Evil want their belts back! Will the titles go right back to where they were? Or can the Twilight Princess, Dark Sorceress & Blue Haired Goddess dispel the Dark Forces?

Osphala claims controversy!?

The Gleaming Yellow Light lost his gold when he fought Igos du Ikana for the HPW Termina Championship. But reviewing the match, he points out the ropebreak violation as a point of contention. Osphala feels Igos won that match under rather disputable circumstances. If the Gravestone hold had been broken when Tiger Sahasrahla told Igos to, the match would be very different. Well, that’s a very coulda/shoulda/woulda argument, but Osphala is standing firm by it. Osphala wants a fair rematch! In fact, Treasure Island is all about titles, he deserves a rematch!

Igos du Ikana responds.

“Osphala… You didn’t like how you lost? Well, aren’t you special? No one likes how they lost, because no one likes losing. You may not like that I was bending the rules, but that’s all I did. I didn’t break the rules by not breaking my hold, or else I would’ve been disqualified immediately. But if you can’t get over it, if you can’t accept it, if you can’t forget it, then I shall offer a compromise. I will put up both my titles, both Termina and Death Mountain, for you to fight for. But it won’t be in any ordinary match. If avenging this apparent injustice means so much to you, then you will be willing to face… IKANA DEATH!”

A quick highlight reel of the most brutal moments in TCW history goes by, then the screen goes black. Then, with an echo going on, Igos adds, “Dead men tell no tales. But legends never die.” The Ruler of Ruin has raised the stakes, will Osphala call? Or will he fold?

Everyone wants the Undisputed Triforce World Championship!

Well, controversy seems to be common these days! Ganon won his shot at HPW’s top title with help from Zant, but then Zant lost to Kage in a minute and change! With that, the Hero’s Shadow won this year’s Beat the Clock Challenge. And while HPW Management was hoping he’d choose the Death Mountain title, the Termina title, or maybe even the Million Rupee Championship, he stubbornly demanded a shot at THE Undisputed Triforce World Championship. Nicholas Foolyere tried to talk him into one of the other titles, Kage shoved him, so Zelda came to her father’s aid.

Kage is still owed a title match for winning the Beat the Clock Challenge, which was meant to make up for Ganon’s deception. Nicholas Foolyere didn’t want to after how Kage treated him, but between Humpback Hook Halibut and Starfish McMaguro agreeing in the meeting, and even Zelda wanting after Kage, the decision has been made. Treasure Island will now see a TRIPLE THREAT for the Undisputed Triforce World Championship! Zelda VS Ganon VS Kage, first fall to a finish! Will the Hero’s Shadow continue to copy his brother and take this title back? Will the Princess of Hyrule win this gamble? Or will the Gerudo Ace be highest of all?

About Chairshot Radio Network

MONDAY - Bandwagon Nerds (entertainment & popular culture)

TUESDAY - Musical Chairs (music) / Hockey Talk (NHL)

WEDNESDAY - The Greg DeMarco Show (wrestling)

THURSDAY - Keeping the news ridiculous... The Oddity / Chairshot NFL (NFL)

FRIDAY - DWI Podcast (Drunk Wrestling Intellect)

SATURDAY - The Mindless Wrestling Podcast

SUNDAY - The Front and Center Sports Podcast

CHAIRSHOT RADIO NETWORK PODCAST SPECIALS

Attitude Of Aggression Podcast & The Big Five Project (chronologically exploring WWE's PPV/PLE history)

TheChairshot.com PRESENTS...IMMEDIATE POST WWE PLE REACTIONS w/ DJ(Mindless), Tunney(DWI) & Friends

Patrick O'Dowd's 5X5

Classic POD is WAR

Chairshot Radio Network Your home for the hardest hitting podcasts... Sports, Entertainment and Sports Entertainment!

All Shows On Demand

Let us know what you think on social media @ChairshotMedia and always remember to use the hashtag #UseYourHead!

Bandwagon Nerds

Bandwagon Nerds #296: Every Rey Has His Day

Mephisto finally arrives in the MCU! Plus the latest trailers, distressing news about the future of The Last of Us, and the reasons behind the South Park delay,

Published

2 days ago

July 7, 2025

PC Tunney

For the past 4 years, Rey Cash has been anxiously waiting and predicting the arrival of a very iconic Marvel villain. This past week, as Ironheart concluded its limited six-episode run, Rey’s prediction finally came true. Mephisto finally arrived in the MCU. The guys break down this long-overdue arrival and what they thought of the Ironheart series in general. The trailer park brings us the latest looks at upcoming projects such as The Eyes of Wakanda, The Running Man reboot, and the newest from Ryan Gosling in Project Hail Mary. Meanwhile, we got some less-than-encouraging news about the future of The Last of Us, some confusing news about the future of South Park, and how props from the misguided attempt to reboot Blade ended up on the set of Sinners. Additionally, the guys pay their respects to Michael Madsen, Kenneth Colley, and Julian McMahon. All that plus Dave gives his thoughts on Jurassic Park: Rebirth.

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PROWRESTLINGTEES.COM/TheChairshot – Makes a GREAT GIFT!!!

About Bandwagon Nerds

Join Patrick O’Dowd, David Ungar, PC Tunney, Rey Cash, and DPP as they keep everyone up on all things nerd and maybe add some new nerds along the way. It’s the Bandwagon Nerds Podcast!