Andrew’s IMPACT Results & Match Ratings: 2.23.2023

So last week, work just got the best of me, got home late and crashed hard. Since we generally don’t believe in bs-ing people here at The Chairshot, I also can’t say I was super upset with crashing last week. The product has been staler then toast left in the dryer, and limping into No Surrender isn’t fantastic.

Here’s to hoping the Go Home can put some extra zing on an angle, or maybe the Monster’s Ball main event might be good. Impact has had a tendency to get me to enjoy most of their hardcore style matches, but I also am fully aware it feels like we have a Monster’s Ball or Old School Rules match every other week.

Again, lets see if anything sparks joy!

.@DeonnaPurrazzo had strong words for @GiseleShaw08 and @TheJaiVidal ahead of #CountdownToNoSurrender #IMPACTonAXSTV pic.twitter.com/Itoj09cXEJ

— IMPACT (@IMPACTWRESTLING) February 24, 2023

Ratings:

• Speedball Mike Bailey & Jonathan Gresham vs Motor City Machine Guns: Guns win via Dirt Bomb – ****
• Beat the Clock Challenge: Tommy Dreamer vs Jason Hotch: Dreamer wins via Avalanche Death Valley Driver – N/A
• Taya Valkyrie w/Rosemary & JesSICKa vs Allysin Kay w/Marti Belle: Kay wins via AK-47 – *
• Deaner & Callihan w/The Design vs Yuya Uemura & Frankie Kazarian: Kaz wins via Chicken Wing – *** 1/4
• Beat the Clock Challenge: Bully Ray vs Bhupinder Gujjar: Bully Ray wins via Chain Right – N/A
• X Division Championship: Monster’s Ball Match: Crazzy Steve w/Black Taurus vs Trey Miguel (c): Trey retains via Roll of the Dice – *** 3/4

Results:

Speedball Mike Bailey & Jonathan Gresham vs Motor City Machine Guns

The Guns will have a 6 man tomorrow against Bullet Club, while Bailey and Gresham will be facing each other tomorrow. The Guns will probably win this and have some wrinkle to add heat to the Gresham vs Bailey match.

Gresham and Shelley start off with some mirror moves, up and overs, cat and mouse…then Gresham grabs Shelley’s leg trying to kick off from the corner, Dragon Screw; and 8 Ball has the advantage with some quick tags and working on Shelley’s leg. When Shelley finally finds some space, MCMG pull off some of their classic tandem offense and Bailey is locked up in a front facelock from Sabin.

The clever turn comes from Shelley’s leg giving out on him during some tandem work, so Speedball can fight back, light up Sabin and tag in Gresham. Gresham starts working over Sabin, Sabin and Shelley try a tandem move but Gresham spins through it and turns it into a Dragon Screw on Sabin. Some strike trading, then we get more tandem attempts. Modified Dirt Bomb, Magic Killer, but Gresham still has some fight. They trade a little more, then simultaneous tags, Speedball gets the best of things, Shelley tries to posture for a Dragon Screw of his own, but Speedball won’t go down. A Corkscrew Brainbuster Figure Four attack from Bailey on both Guns, but Shelley gets to the rope. Stereo Yakuza, Skull and…nope. Bailey shoves Sabin through the ropes, follows him out with a Moonsault. Shelley tries to take out Speedball but Gresham blind sides him with an apron sweep and Figure Four to save Speedball. 8 Ball makes a tag, locomotion Standing Switches, Shelley tries to get the best of things but his leg gives. Bailey goes after Sabin, Shelley gets dumped and Gresham Dives after him.

Hurrican-PKs, into Standing Moonsaults and Figure Fours from 8 Ball. Backflip Double Knees from Speedball on Shelley to try and help Gresham but only 2. Sabin keeps fighting to try and get to Shelley, Powerbombs Speedball onto Gresham. Gresham saves Speedball, nearly Malfunction at the Junction, Guns try High Speed Dirt but the leg gives again. 8 Ball tries a Tandem Move, but Gresham catches Bailey, a little more work and then Dirt Bomb puts away 8 Ball.

Crazy fun start, great stuff for not having a story attached. 

Beat the Clock Challenge: Tommy Dreamer vs Jason Hotch

For a beat the clock, this starts off with them staring at each other for like 15 seconds, then Hotch has an early near fall. Tries to go up top, a quick Uppercut, Avalanche Death Valley Driver and its over. 1:15 – is the time, but the match was…dumb. Posturing into like 4 moves means I would get more out of a plate of nachos.

Taya Valkyrie w/Rosemary & JesSICKa vs Allysin Kay w/Marti Belle

Taya charges Allysin, and they start trading pushing one another into the corner and a few chops. Coming out of the corner, Taya rocks Allysin against the ropes, a few Uppercuts, Snapmare into a modified Koji Clutch, but Allysin gets to the ropes. Allysin is reeling, while Taya hasn’t let up on the offense in the first few minutes.

Allysin tries to turn the Irish Whip around, but Taya rocks her with the Lariat, Hip Attack and then Seeing Shadows Knees. We go to commercial and when we come back, somehow Allysin is in control. I’d like to know how, but sure. Allysin throws Taya into the corner, feigns the Stink Face but says that “That’s not content you get for free”. So Taya of course counters the charge and does her own Stink Face on Allysin. Blue Thunder Bomb from Taya for 2.

Allysin is mostly getting rocked, but turns Taya’s offense into a Peach Sunrise for 2. Marti finally causes a distraction and AK-47 finishes the match. Very…bad. Taya dominated, Allysin’s win came out of nowhere, they didn’t seem like a real challenge even though they’ll probably win tomorrow just to further a story. It was a very pathetic start to the angle we’re probably leading toward.

The @IMPACTWRESTLING faithful BELIEVE in @joehendry! Will that be enough to defeat @TheMooseNation TOMORROW NIGHT at #NoSurrender when they face off in a Dot Combat Match! #IMPACTonAXSTV pic.twitter.com/eBYq4UxwJZ

— IMPACT (@IMPACTWRESTLING) February 24, 2023

Deaner & Callihan w/The Design vs Yuya Uemura & Frankie Kazarian

Deaner is calling the early shots to prove Callihan’s loyalty. Kaz is trying to convince Sami to snap out of the brainwashing, but he’s eating some offense for his trouble. Kaz floats over, a few quick strikes, Sole Butt, Hip Toss and Yuya gets tagged in. A little Bad Influence tandem of Back Elbow into Flipping Neckbreaker, as we see Yuya try to maintain the advantage.

Deaner pushes the younger wrestler back, tags in Callihan and he immediately starts trying to gauge his eyes out. Kon wipes out Kaz, and Yuya continues to eat offense. Deaner tries the Benoit Flying Headbutt, Yuya rolls, kicks Deaner away and hot tag Kaz time! Kaz has Guillotine Leg Drops for both Deaner and Callihan, but only get a 2. Angels distracts Kaz, Callihan catches him with the T-Bone and tags in Deaner.

Kaz flips out of the tandem suplex, tags in Yuya, and house of fire. Enzuigiri for Sami, Overhand Belly to Belly on Deaner, Flying Crossbody…but Callihan breaks it up. Callihan tells Deaner to tag him, which might be frowned upon. Yuya tags in Kaz, Slingshot DDT from Kaz, Deaner takes out Kaz, Yuya has a big Uranage for Deaner and then Kaz and Callihan finally get a moment together. Callihan looks for the Cactus Driver, Deaner stops him, calls a tag, and then moves his hand away. Callihan is confused, a few cradle attempts and the Kaz locks in the Chicken Wing for the submission victory.

Beat the Clock Challenge: Bully Ray vs Bhupinder Gujjar

The Good Hands hit the apron as soon as the bell rings, Gujjar drops them, the ref is distracted, Bully wraps the chain around his right hand, knocks out Gujjar. Wins the match in roughly 30 seconds. Gujjar looks like a complete buffoon, but you can’t be surprised that Bully took a short cut.

X Division Championship: Monster’s Ball Match: Crazzy Steve w/Black Taurus vs Trey Miguel (c)

Steve had Trey’s audio track manipulated, has the crowd wearing Masquerade Masks and Trey walks out thrown off. Steve takes early advantage of his mind games, commercial hits and thankfully Steve is still in control when we come back. He does take too long setting up a few chairs, Trey counters the Suplex and Drop Toe Holds Steve into the chairs.

Trey starts searching for something, doesn’t seem to find it, tries to sandwich Steve’s head between the post and the chair he’s swinging…but misses. Trey throws a few weapons in, follows up with a Trash Can, approaches Steve and Steve stops him in his tracks with the old Staple Gun to the dick. Trey tries to beg off Steve, but Steve pulls the trigger. Commercial again, and when we come back, Steve is trying to Abdullah Trey Miguel’s forehead. Trey counters, turns things around and tries to use the fork against Steve.

We get more toys, black bag, and it’s tacks! Steve tried for Belladonna’s Kiss into the tacks, Trey counters, hits the Jacky Bryant kick, Lightning Sp-nope. Blackhole Slam from Steve onto the tacks and an Abyss pose after as well! Somewhere Greg DeMarco is growling. Steve picks up Trey instead of taking the win, and tries for more offense. Trey gets a quick kick blitz combo on the tacks, Double Stomp, and only a near fall.

Table now gets slid into the ring. They play the Oki-doke with the table spear, everyone puts on brakes, then they meet in the middle with Lariats on the tacks. Both powder, Miguel finds an Ice Spike, Steve finds JANICE! Janice swing a miss, spike to the gut, Steve still catches Trey on his shoulders, Death Valley Driver through the table – but only a 2 count!

Steve goes to grab a few chairs, takes too long setting up something and Trey uses a different chair. Steve fights back, bites, rises in the corner, Trey slips it, Cheeky Nandos Kick, Corner Tiger Feint, Meteora misses and he rolls through the tacks. Avalanche Destroyer into the tacks! Trey retreats under the ropes and Steve does Snow Tack Angels after he connects with the move. Two count only, Janice gets pressed against Trey’s face and gauges at the already bleeding area. Steve points to a barbed wire table set up. Low Blow from Trey, Roll of the Dice from the apron through the Barbed Wire! Trey rolls Steve back in, pins him and retains.

Overall Score: 5.75/10

Lots of mediocrity again. IMPACT does have a habit of going through weird lulls after a very year and change. The Allysin match was crap, Trey is a bad wrestler, so even though the Monster’s Ball match was more entertaining than it had any business being…its still Trey. Dreamer’s match was stupid, Bully was true to form, but that doesn’t mean I cared about the 3 minutes it took to resolve that.

Here’s to hoping this is just a weird cool down period coming off of some pretty large high points. Of course I’ll cover No Surrender tomorrow, but I’d be lying if I said the TV leading up to it this past month helped at all. But hey, at least the Machine Guns started the night off right.