Andrew’s IMPACT x NJPW Multiverse United Results & Match Ratings: 3.30.2023

So the IMPACT! episode was just the pre-show plus some talking and never televised matches, thus not really worth discussing. I really don’t love the show starting at 11pm est on a Thursday, but yeah I know, ‘first world problems’ OR ‘now you know how EU feels’. I never said it was worse, I don’t want you to put it in perspective, I just wanted to complain.

Either way, I’m not really invested in most of these matches except KENTA vs Suzuki and Tanahashi vs Bailey. I can only hope some of these matches add to a few stories since injuries  mixed up a lot of IMPACTs plans; and of course I hope a few of them are good enough to justify being up so late.

Now let’s just get to the show!

.@JodyThreat is on her way to @IMPACTWRESTLING!#IMPACTonAXSTV pic.twitter.com/G4jiL6d7ek

— IMPACT (@IMPACTWRESTLING) March 31, 2023

Ratings:

• X Division Championship: 6 Man Scramble: Rich Swann vs Trey Miguel (c) vs Kevin Knight vs Frankie Kazarian vs Clark Connors vs Rocky Romero: Trey retains via Pinfall – *
• 8 Man Tag: Eddie Edwards, Tom Lawlor, JR Kratos & Joe Hendry vs Callihan, Fred Rosser, Alex Coughlin & PCO: PCO wins via PCO-Sault – ** 1/2
• Jeff Cobb vs Moose: Cobb wins via Tour of the Islands  – *** 1/4
• Knockouts #1 Contender 4 Way: Gisele Shaw vs Deonna Purrazzo vs Masha Slamovich vs Miyu Yamashita: Deonna wins via Queen’s Gambit – ***
• IMPACT Tag Team Championships: Bullet Club (Ace & Bey) (c) vs Motor City Machine Guns vs Aussie Open vs TMDK: Bullet Club retain via ABC 1-2-Sweet – *** 1/2
• Lio Rush vs Kushida: Kushida wins via Hoverboard Lock – *** 3/4
• NJPW Strong Open Weight Championship: KENTA (c) vs Minoru Suzuki: KENTA retains via Cradle w/Feet on Ropes – *** 1/4
• Hiroshi Tanahashi vs Speedball Mike Bailey: Tanahashi wins via High Fly Flow – ****

Results:

X Division Championship: 6 Man Scramble: Rich Swann vs Trey Miguel (c) vs Kevin Knight vs Frankie Kazarian vs Clark Connors vs Rocky Romero

Trey kicks things off by just verbally berating everyone, so they dog pile on the dipshit. Then we get a Human Centipede of Headlocks, which is a little dumb but it was the opening goofball spot; and then we get the stupid simultaneous 5 way Dropkick, ugh. After the leg pick, Trey comes in, drops everyone, gets cocky and then gets dropped. Rocky Lariats Kaz out of the ring and then Knight and Swann double team Connors.

We’re just going through a few greatest hits spots. Each guy is going to get moments of doing something cool, then there’s a pinfall scramble on Kaz after Knight catches him mid Leg Drop. This definitely is just spots and a little comedy, so its a weird combination of a Japanese Rumble and stupid Indy show. Oh look a Tower of Doom spot, I’m so shocked, no one has ever done that before *glances at Indy Garbage Multi-Man Bingo Card* – Yeah that’s a Bingo.

Oh Forever Lariats start Rocky’s time in charge but its cut short by Connors just Spearing everyone into tomorrow. Knight tries to dodge the Spear and keep Connors in the corner, but when he tries to jump up and pluck him off the perch, Connors hits an Avalanche Spear. Trey runs in, pushes Connors out of the ring and steals the pinfall.

Shit match, spots for spots sake, at least the finish was a little clever.

8 Man Tag: Eddie Edwards, Tom Lawlor, JR Kratos & Joe Hendry vs Callihan, Fred Rosser, Alex Coughlin & PCO

Well these teams make no damn sense. So it should be interesting who eats the pin (I’m assuming Coughlin), and if this goes anywhere. 

Callihan and Eddie start off, no baseball bats in sight, but they start with a Hockey Fight. Callihan with a T-Bone Suplex, tags in PCO and Eddie retreats and tags in Lawlor. Lawlor wants Rosser though, and PCO obliges. Rosser drops Lawlor early, but Lawlor gets the advantage and tags in Hendry. Tags are quick, Rosser does some moronic short hammers that Hendry absorbs and just looks stupid as hell. Coughlin gets tagged in, tries to fight Hendry with power, fails and Kratos comes in.

Kratos is winning early until Kratos tries a Corner Splash, and Coughlin literally catches him and then a Overhead Belly to Belly, flinging Kratos across the ring. Alex tags in PCO and now we get a monster fight. PCO hits the Avalanche Frankensteiner and then the match breaks down. Everybody in, throwing hands and Callihan/Lawlor decide to stick in the ring. Car crash spots with Planchas, Suplexes onto the apron, PCO tosses Eddie over, wants to Dive, but Kratos cuts him off with a Pounce. Kratos looks outside, decides to fly himself. PCO comes back to life, PCO Sault onto the pile of people on the outside.

Somehow we boil back down to PCO and Kratos, who were actually the legal wrestlers. Rosser and Eddie decide to pick up the pace a bit in the ring. A weird corner combination and successive Hip Attacks into a Northern Lights Suplex Hold for 2. Rosser tries for a submission, Shining Wizard from Lawlor to break it up, Coughling comes in and suplexes both of men at the same time. Hendry is in, scoops Rosser and Coughlin, stacked up Sack of Shit, but then Callihan pops in, throwing hands but the Lawlor team gets the best of things for now.

JR Kratos gets tagged in, looks to try and put away Rosser but Rosser gets out of it and tags in PCO. Stare down of the big boys and then strike exchange. Scorpion Death Drop from PCO, into PCO-Sault and that’s the match!

Jeff Cobb vs Moose

All I will say is, my boots.

They go for the classic big guy thing of Shoulder Tackle trades, then he Leap Frog’s Cobb, and connects with the Okada Dropkick. Cobb does take Moose off his feet, and Moose powders. He gets back in, they tie up and then start trading chops in the corner until Cobb finally cuts off Moose with a Dropkick of his own, following up with the Gachimuchi Sault for 2.

Cobb mocks Moose as he’s face down and Cobb does the Moose chant while standing on him like a surf board. Moose reverses the offense, throws him into the corner follows with a Dropkick and then a Hesitation Dropkick. Moose charges, Cobb gets the foot up, climbs the ropes, GO TO HELL – for 2. Moose sets up for Lights Out, Cobb dodges and Moose goes shoulder first into the turnbuckle.

Climbing the corner, Cobb collects Moose and goes for the Outside-In Avalanche Vertical Suplex. After a 2 count, they both are slow to get up and throw stumbling and haggard punches. Moose tries to punctuate things with the Rolling Forearm, Cobb sneaks him tries for his own Rolling Elbow but Moose catches him. They mirror one another’s offense, Lariats, Kip Ups and then a big crash in the middle that sends both falling out of opposite sides of the ring.

Once they get in, they both start throwing hands again. Cobb tries to scoop him up, Moose slips it, pushes him into the corner, goes up top. Cobb pushes him back, Moose leaps to the top and finally pays back the Superplex from earlier. Moose tries for Lights Out, Cobb moves but Moose stops himself this time. Cobb tries to hit the ropes, Moose with the Pump Kick, into the Escalera Backflip for 2, as Cobb rolls through and lifts up Moose from the mat. Moose is getting manhandled a bit but manages to slip away at first, Rolling Forearm…but he’s caught by Cobb and Cobb turns it into a Tour of the Islands for 3!

Knockouts #1 Contender 4 Way: Gisele Shaw vs Deonna Purrazzo vs Masha Slamovich vs Miyu Yamashita

The crowd cheers on Masha, Miyu and Deonna, but Boos Gisele.

Gisele powders before the tie up, Masha gets thrown out at first and then its Deonna and Miyu. They actually shake hands and there’s some respect. Miyu tries the power with the Shoulder Tackles but Deonna doesn’t budge. Miyu gets frustrated, throws a kick, Deonna ducks and takes Miyu off her feet. Gisele picks the leg on Deonna and drops her to have a little bit of a kick battle with Miyu. Miyu gets the best of that, Deonna hits them both with a Baseball Slide, Masha with a middle rope Crossbody. Gisele climbs the corner and a Corkscrew Splash into the pile on the outside.

As Gisele is trying to work over Deonna in the ring, Masha comes out of nowhere with a Waterwheel Kick to drop Gisele. Deonna turns the tide with a Headscissors and Moonsault from Deonna. Miyu tries the Mochizuki Triangle Kick but Masha ducks. So Miyu starts running between all three just looking for something to connect. Big kicks from all four women end up dropping all of them at some point. All four women do different rope run cut off spots.

Deonna hits another Headscissors and looks for the Fujiwara on Masha. Masha rolls to try and turn it into a pinfall but over rotates. So the lack of needing to break the pin threw off Miyu and Deonna’s timing. So the Triangle Kick spot is a little weird looking. Gisele drops Miyu, Masha hits an Avalanche Russian Destroyer on Gisele but Deonna goes after Masha.

Skull Kick from Miyu, Denouement from Gisele, Powerbomb into Queen’s Gambit, Deonna wins!

Sloppy towards the end, but generally decent and entertaining with logical spots. 

IMPACT Tag Team Championships: Bullet Club (Ace & Bey) (c) vs Motor City Machine Guns vs Aussie Open vs TMDK

Shane Haste and Alex Shelley start off the match. Haste feigns a lock up and tries a quick kick, as Tito sneak attacks, so the Guns and TMDK start exchanging. Aussies try to get cute but MCMG deposits them with TMDK. Bullet Club try a cut off but MCMG dump them on the other side. Quick Dive on the stacked side as MCMG try for Skull and Bones on Shane, but he gets out of it, Tito also makes sure to help out a bit, Shane hits a huge corner Cannonball as he tags in Tito. Tito Slingshot Senton and Shelley is getting worked over.

Quirky offense from Shane is weird but effective. He tags in Tito, who looks like he’s gonna do an avalanche move but hops down and just punches Alex. Tito drops Sabin, goes to the top, misses his Splash as Alex looks around, sees no Sabin but Chris Bey offers his hand and Alex begrudgingly takes it. Fluid offense from Bey, Code Red really gives him momentum until Aussies blind tag Tito and start clearing the ring. Fletcher does the pass off Stalling Suplex to Davis after the tag and a cocky tag from Davis is only 2. Bey is trying to fight through the tandem work from Aussie Open, manages to tag in Ace and he opens with the Triangle Kick that Fletcher ducks but he connects with Davis. Ace with his okey doke on the apron as he dodges all of TMDK, ABC 1-2-Sweet attempt but Sabin breaks with a tag. MCMG with some classic tandem offense on Aussie Open. 5 Hole Dive from the Guns, then Bey with a Tope con Hilo after a blind tag. Davis stops the tandem attempt by just Avalanche Powerbombing them both, Pendulum on Bey for 2.

Corealis attempt, but Ace stops it, signature spam time! High Speed Dirt from MCMG, Davis stops the tandem attempt with a Double Lariat, Bullet Club also tries but Davis won’t be stopped. Shane Haste makes a valiant effort but it looks like Haste is about to get finished until Tito sends Fletcher flying off the tope rope. Tito tries to take out Bullet Club but ABC 1-2-Sweet retains!

Lio Rush vs Kushida

I mean, Kushida can’t lose this when he’s got a title shot at Rebellion. No one wants to see Lio Rush make the title match a Triple Threat.

Kushida goes to the ground doing the Inoki taunt. Kushida wants to try and neutralize the high flying stuff. Lio plays a little keep away and then slides through Kushida’s legs and does the Full Guard Inoki kind of smarmy taunt. Back and forth, Tanaka Punch from Kushida but Lio with a Matrix dodge and they keep exchanging strikes. Lio tries to keep things quick but the Handspring Heel Kick sends Rush to the floor, little Liger style Muscle Pose and Rotate before Lio turns things around a little once Kushida follows him to the outside.

Rush is trying to stay under the bottom rope but Kushida isn’t really giving much space. He continues to step on and twist the different arms and the referee is letting it play a little. Kushida twists both Rush’s wrists and then tried to turn it into a Cradle before Kushida drops down basically with a Figure Four on the arms. Kushida is putting huge and almost vicious focus on the arms. What happen to our happy little Time Splitter?

Lio connects with Kushida, tries to hit the ropes with a Handspring but Kushida just PKs either his face or one of the arms, just simple, violent and effective. Rush starts just using his body as a weapon and throws himself into Kushida to try and find some space. Rush tries to go to the top, Kushida meets him, hunts for the Hoverboard but Rush fights him off twice. Frog Splash but Kushida moves, Rolling Elbow from Kushida, responded by a Pele Kick, they start swinging and as they’re falling to their knees big swings clock both at the same time.

Kushida starts absorbing Lio’s attacks, as he sells the arm damage, Rush goes for a Naciente, but Kushida stop the momentum and goes for the Hoverboard. Lio gets out of it, Back to the Future attempt countered into a Cradle for 2. A few strike attempts, swings and missed, Lio connects with a kick. Goes to try and collect Kushida but he finally hits Back to the Future…for 2! Arm Breaker, PK to the arm attempt, but Lio moves, Poison Rana, Springboard Low Rope Stunner (a little sloppy) but still gets a 2. Lio goes for a Frog Splash, Kushida catches him coming down and sinks in the Hoverboard Lock for the win!

I’m not a fan of Lio, but that was much better than I expected. 

NJPW Strong Open Weight Championship: KENTA (c) vs Minoru Suzuki

KENTA toys with Suzuki a little early, not really committing fully to a lock up, rubs his head and then retreats into the ropes pretending to stretch. Suzuki finally gets frustrated with the rope break play and kicks KENTA in the ass, literally. Hanging Arm Bar from Suzuki as he has to break because its illegal, and then Suzuki starts exploring the outside of the ring with KENTA’s face. KENTA turns around the Whip, and then rolls Suzuki in for a second to break the count as he then pulls him back out to throw strikes.

Strikes, Eye Rakes, just rough tactics from both men. KENTA stomps down on Suzuki as he starts coming back in, turns his back on Suzuki and Suzuki kicks him. KENTA paintbrushes him a few times disrespectfully, as Suzuki starts staring him down. Eye Gouge, Rude Awakening, and now PK’s to his back and Suzuki is just getting agitated. Suzuki stands up, and KENTA tells him to hit him. So they trade a little and then the Eye attacks continue, which is great story since KENTA is annoyed when Suzuki went after his face a few weeks ago. So its turnabout being fair play…to a degree.

Snap Mare from KENTA, stomps to the face, KENTA lowers the knee pad, feigns the Knee Drop but stops and wipes his boots on Suzuki’s face. Again, pissing off Suzuki. KENTA connects with about a dozen kicks as Suzuki rises and gets more annoyed. Punishes KENTA in the corner with big Elbows, chokes him a little with the boot, Knee Lift, Irish Whip, Yakuza Kick into Snap Mare and a PK of his own. Suzuki went for short Hamstring Kicks to drop KENTA and sink in a Heel Hook. KENTA rolls to the ropes and gets the submission break.

Murder Grandpa is now in control, not quite Garvin Stomps but KENTA is being stepped on. Jawbreaker from KENTA into an old school Jake Roberts style DDT. Avalanche Lariat for 2. KENTA speeds up a little and Figure Four! Suzuki gets to the ropes, KENTA tries to German Suplex, but Suzuki blocks. *looks at watch* OH it’s Fighting Spirit O’Clock. Suzuki wins the strike exchange, takes a little bit to take in the crowd reaction, as they now trade Big Boots. KENTA cuts off Suzuki’s Boot with his own, hits a second one and Suzuki retreats to the corner. Busaiku Knee in the corner, Hesitation Dropkick, Double Footstomp…for 2! KENTA calls for Go 2 Sleep, Suzuki fights out causing KENTA to crumble down and Suzuki sinks into a Sleeper Hold. Rope runs, end around, Sleeper almost, and again, but KENTA throws the referee, Low Blow on Suzuki, Cradle with feet on the ropes for the win!

Hiroshi Tanahashi vs Speedball Mike Bailey

Tanahashi has an amazing ability to help create matches around his limitations; he also does well in clash of styles matches. This could be surprisingly really good. 

Bailey offers the handshake, Tanahashi is suspect at first but eventually concedes to do it and its clean from both of them. Tana starts with the Top Wristlock, Bailey does the back and forth rolls, takes down Tana and manages to wrestle him into the corner. Tana turns things around in the corner, Bailey tries to look for a clean break but Tanahashi takes a small liberty with a body shot. Tanahashi then sends him into the corner and hits his Twisting Crossbody nicely. Bailey with his Naomi Kicks (if you will), punctuated with an Enzuigiri to send Tanahashi to the outside. Bailey stays on top of the living legend, a few strikes and a Running Kick as he sends Tanahashi back in.

After missing a High Risk move, Tanahashi slides in with a Low Dropkick, and he starts working on Bailey’s left leg. Stomps, Punches, playing air guitar on Bailey’s leg and then going back to working on the knee. Bailey tries to fight back from the corner but Tana responds with a big ole bitch slap. Bailey gets a head of steam, drops Tanahashi, Sole Butt, Sweep, Standing Shooting Star Press for 2. Bailey fights through the left leg pain to try a Buzzsaw Kick, but misses as Tanahashi comes off the ropes with the Flying Forearm. Big shots, Scoop Slam, Avalanche Senton for 2. High Fly – no – Bailey cuts him off, Gamengiri and pulls Tana down. Bailey tries to charge at him while he’s on the apron, but Tanahashi catches his foot, Dragon Screw through the ropes and the same when he tries to reenter the ring.

Bailey jumps over the Baseball Slide and spring right into the HUUGE Asai Moonsault which barely misses the guardrail and catches enough of  Tanahashi as we get to 19 with the 20 count. Crawling up into the kneeling position, Forearm Strikes ensue. A few kicks from Bailey, then Tana catches him and wants to Dragon Screw, but Bailey twists into a Double Leg Cradle but Tana kicks out. Standing Double Knees into a heavily hampered well sold Buzzsaw Kick…again only 2.

Tornado Alley…but Tanahashi charges and counters with a Slingblade! Tana goes to the top for High Fly Flow but Bailey pops up as fast as he can so Tana waits. They start fighting on the top turnbuckle, Tana clocks him and Bailey’s upper half drops to the mat, but he starts pulling himself up before Tana can do anything. Avalanche Frankensteiner, a few powered through Side Kicks, Torando Alley connects! Ultima Weapon – MISSES! Knees into canvas, Bailey has no knees left at this point. Tanahashi charges with the clothesline, Backslide counter, 2.9 – Cradle attempt but Twist and Shout triplicate counters. Sling Blade off the ropes, High Fly Flow attempt again, connects for 3!

Overall Score: 7.25/10

Well aside from the X Division pancake flipping marathon of trash; the card was pretty solid. Yes the outcomes were basically “LOL NJPW wins” (I swear if anyone tries to say Deonna was a win, don’t be dumb. Miyu is from TJP, which is owned by CyberFight the people that own NOAH and DDT, so NJPW had no stakes in that) – but at least the last half of the show pretty much delivered. Much like a Japanese card, the less interesting matches got out of the way early. I would’ve loved to see Miyu in the Rebellion title match, but between any AEW commitments she may still have and TJP, maybe she just couldn’t do an extended run with IMPACT.

Kushida starting to develop and edge is nice given who he’ll be facing in 2 weeks, KENTA and Suzuki probably still has fuel for Strong episodes, Bailey got a dream match and Ace & Bey are standing to put a stamp on their title reign. So all in all, for a little crossover event, they did fairly well adding a few wrinkles into matches and storylines, as well as, potentially setting up new ones. Like the first one to come to mind for me is: What are they going to do with Moose? Arrogance has been his gimmick for the last 4 or 5 years, but he keeps choking in big opportunities. So is he gonna spiral out but stay heel; or are they trying to break down his arrogance for a potential face run?

So, not a bad show with at the very least, Tanahashi vs Bailey being the match to watch.